Leading in Uncertain Times

This is the No Ego Podcast, where we ditch the drama, end entitlement, and transform your world place. I'm Sy Wakeman. Hi everybody, Sy Wakeman here. I have myself on a bit of a self-quarantine for reasons other than COVID-19, but I wanted to reach out and just offer some support for all of you facing this pandemic, whether it's in the States or around the world, and to just remind you that you have a lot of the tools and philosophies you need to move through this situation skillfully and peacefully. So I thought I would just offer what I could to help and mostly just reach out And offer assurance that together we've got this. We can figure this out. I know lots of people are being uprooted and sent home and having to work in different ways and also working at home with kids and school being let out and plans being canceled and all those things that our ego really doesn't like. It really gets us unsettled. And so I want you to be using your reality-based tools harder and heavier than ever before. This is really the time for you to get some good practice in but also experience the benefits. So just want to give you my opinion for what it's worth, and I would tell you that, um, one thing to remember is what the world needs now is love, sweet love. So as you move through the world Make sure that you're leading with love and compassion for other people and for yourself, because I believe that the antidote to fear is really love. The ego just doesn't expect compassion and calming and acceptance and connection. The ego's really driving division and blame and panic and fear. Fear, and we have a lot of fear right now. So one thing to remember is the antidote to fear isn't always just facts. It's love first and then facts. And so whatever you're doing, just make sure your response is a loving one. Just slow down and tend to the person first in front of you. I think it was Mother Teresa that said something like, every act, every deed Is an act of love or a cry for love, and the only appropriate response is a loving one. And I think we can add a lot, those of us that are trying to evolve and move beyond ego, in this whole way that we respond, the whole love factor. So you're going to get a lot of practice moving out of fear and out of judgment And it really is judgment that is the behavior that relieves fear, because if we don't know what's going on, if at least we know who's to blame, we're halfway there. So I really want you to be mindful of all the ways that you can stop judging and start helping. And if you don't think you're judging, I really just want you to notice with compassion, observe yourself and all the ways you're reacting. We're making judgments out there about whether people are overreacting, whether they're underreacting. We're making judgments about decisions people are making, whether people are reacting how I prefer or making decisions how we prefer. Are they sending us home soon enough, too early? Are they canceling events they should keep? There is just a lot of people that have moved towards opinions, not necessarily based on expertise, but lots of judging. And my hope is, is that as every new decision that's made, sometimes for you, comes into your life, that you'll notice how you respond to that and get really good with neutral. The minute you know how the future is going to play out— well, this was a dumb idea and it would have been better to do X, Y, and Z— I want you to notice that you might not know the future and find the place where you can do what's being asked of you joyfully and helpfully and really move beyond judgment and go one step further. Not just not judging and helping, but can you find kindness and mercy for those leaders that are faced with these super tough decisions that are trying to be Responsible, they're erring on the side of caution. And just give them mercy because we're so quick to judge, oh, they're panicking, or oh, this is ridiculous, or that person's overreacting. What if we just noticed where the person was? And if it was a decision, give them mercy. If it was a reaction bigger than what we prefer, to really just see through that behavior and see it as fear. Can we really give people the benefit of the doubt? Just Choose generous hearts, generous eyes, generous ears, and really move into given a situation. What's the most helpful thing I can do right now? What's the opportunity in this to capitalize on it for the betterment of all? And in what I'm about to do, is it add? Does it help or does it hinder? Does it add value or would my actions to just take the information, be informed, and go make the best of it? Help right now. So I really want you to use this time as a noticing of how opinionated you are, how quick to judgment you are, how much time and energy you spend fueling drama rather than diffusing it. And here's a few tips given our reality today. I want you first to remember fear— F-E-A-R— is false events and appearing real. Fear is false events appearing real. We have some facts and some great advice from the scientists and medical folks in our world, the people that are involved in community health and population health. We have some just great resources. Pay attention to what the facts are and really be careful about how you might be breeding fear because So far, we do have people physically suffering from a virus that's spreading. That number is not near the number of people suffering emotionally from the fear that's spreading. And so I really think as leaders today, whether it's in your family or your organization, that we really need to help people move beyond fear. And how can you do that? Well, Remembering that our stress comes from the story, not the reality, and the story is what we make up. So definitely take precautions and do all the things people are asking you to do: socially distance, wash your hands, you know, really move away from resisting what people are asking you to do, which is so basic. Go home, work from home. Without the story of the virus, all of us would be like, what, we get to work from home for 2 weeks? This is amazing. But with the story of the virus, it's not so amazing. So you have a lot more to control about your experience than you think you do. Personally, for me, I'm out of the country and using this to regroup in a lot of other ways. But I would tell you, My response was different because I'm not inundated with the news and I'm not in the moment. I'm only getting periodic updates and making decisions. And I noticed that so much of my state of contentment today is not based on my reality being very different from yours, but it is based on how much news I'm consuming and how, how I'm keeping my environment, how hygienic I'm keeping the inputs that I'm curating, that I'm letting And it's not denial or positive thinking. I'm taking precautions, but it's really controlling what I can control. So edit those stories, really take a look at how this could be happening for our highest good. I personally feel like the universe gave us a big timeout. It said, everybody go home, we're gonna take the timeout, and you can go through that timeout pouting Or you can go through that timeout reflecting and doing some things that are really great for you. So first, stop judging. Don't judge people. Don't judge how they're reacting. You can't see the future. You can't know their world. You can't know the level of anxiety they started with. It will just increase the drama and the emotion. But instead, be a calming force. Instead of judging or adding to the overreaction, just respond with compassion. Gosh dang, it seems like this is scary for you. I just want to let you know I'm willing to be here for you. I just want to let you know that here's what I think we can do together to make this different. Add calming force to the situation. Really tend to people emotionally and tend to your own emotions. So use this time— at least what I'm doing, I'll speak for myself— is I'm using this time to connect with myself. I want to use this time away from the typical busyness to see what I'm using that busyness to avoid, because one of the best ways we numb from all of the information we get in our lives is busyness. So if you're isolated or quarantined, self or not self-imposed, really use that time to connect with yourself. And in order to do that, you've got got to search out solitude, or at least quietude. Turn the news off. Don't just get lost in online interactions. Don't just have noise going for the sake of noise. Don't add to the frenzy. What if you carved out some solitude and quietude? How can you get silent? How can you get reflective? Is it listening to music? Is it reading poetry to yourself or out loud? Is it journaling. You can go out into nature, it's not contaminated. I've been doing a lot of time spent on the beach and really going within. How often do we get a nice timeout to do that? But be careful of isolation, because for many of us, a big part of our moving through the world skillfully and peacefully is connection with others. So some of you have people in a— in your presence, in close quarters. Do right by them. Do things like cuddle up. Do things like connect. And a great way to connect, folks, if you're the dominant person in the house, like you're the oldest or the parent, stop trying to impose your world on others. And maybe a suggestion is go into other people's worlds instead of, shut the game off, come be with us. What if you went and learned to play the game with your kid? Instead of, we aren't going to listen to that now, i.e., your music, what if you said, play for me your top 3 favorite songs and talk to me about why they're your favorite? A great way to connect is to go into people's worlds. Also, think about the people that rely on connection, whether it's people in our lives That isolation at times is dangerous for. Maybe there's someone who is working with the challenge of an addiction and can't get to meetings. Maybe it's somebody because of their age can't get out to their very events, maybe 2 or 3 a week they really looked forward to. So think of others, check on your people. And see if you can't virtually connect with them. If there's not a way to drop some things off, make sure they have what they need. And connect with your higher self, not just with yourself, but really observe and notice how you are responding to the world, how you're reacting. Notice what frustrates you and what being in fear feels like versus being in faith or reality. Notice your tendency maybe to demonize the victims or dehumanize them, as Brené Brown talks about. Notice how easy it is to blame somebody for getting a disease they didn't even— or an illness, I'm sorry— that they didn't even know was a possibility, and that we really don't have that much control over. Notice how often when something bad happens to somebody, we attribute it to something they did, which is your privilege showing up, rather than something maybe that happened to them. I have a good friend and he always reminded me when, when I would think, you know, gosh, can't they do something? He would be like, sigh, but for the grace of God go I. And that was my remembering that most of what I have in my life and most of what happens to me in my life has a lot to do with grace when I'm spared or not spared, and that I really need to move through with that level of humility. Turn off the news, you guys. Curate your life. You, for the first time in a long time, have some total control over what comes into your presence. And so choose carefully. Get updates, but make them on your timetable, your choice. Go to good sources. Don't just have constant background shouting going on. If you want to have a calm, peaceful life, you've got to Create the daily habits that lead to that, and some other things you can do. I'll just put it all out there, like practice reframing. If you can't find the opportunity in this, which I'm probably too giddy and gleeful that I am not able to or have to jump into an airplane and do a lot of gigs right now, I am practicing reframing. And a great way to reframe is put the word fortunately. In front of everything that's happening to you. Fortunately, I'm being sent home, and then finish that sentence. Why is it fortunate? Fortunately, my kids don't have school and I get to be with them for the next 2 weeks. Fortunately. And if you can relieve the suffering of others, relieve their suffering. We've got a lot of students who needed to move out of their colleges. Do you have extra room in your basement? Do what U-Haul's doing and offer free storage for those folks. Take this mandatory timeout and use it for your own evolution. Notice how you respond to limits being put upon you, and notice how you at times impose limits on others and then don't really understand how that's frustrating for them. Look at your own temptations and start to really cultivate the gift of tolerance or compassion. And really practice editing your story. And shout out, hold in respect or support or prayer, whatever your beliefs are, those folks who are still out on the front lines. We've got geniuses at my favorite place, Nebraska Med, who are really willing to go deep into the mess where angels sometimes fear to tread. We've got these healthcare workers that are showing up every day and using the science and collaborating and teaching and responding to the needs of others. We've got teachers helping families. We've got lunch ladies figuring out how to keep kids well-fed even when they aren't at school. Which is the one place most people, at least when you're a kid, get that great lunch every day. Really put out some love for those folks that are making hard decisions, that are out in our law enforcement and all of our other support sectors, and just really commend them for stepping up and finding new ways. Publicly advocate. If you're going to be online, get out there. And publicly advocate rather than just being silent when you see somebody stepping up and getting slammed online. Publicly advocate and request other people give grace and mercy and really acknowledge those people exhibiting courage. You guys, we've got some things to be concerned about, but we decide, we decide what this actually does to us and to our economy and We decide that whether or not we have this be life-threatening or life-altering emotionally. We may not decide physically, but we do decide emotionally. And so, I don't know, for what it's worth, I just am sitting here and thinking about so many of you, especially my HR folks and my leaders that are out there having to make tough decisions. And I'm hoping that as you make those decisions, you give yourself a lot of grace. You're doing the best you can with what you got. We can't know the future. But even a decision, a good one, has a lot of risks. And what all these decision makers need from the rest of us is a lot of support and a lot of mitigation of the risk at the local level. And so do what you can with what you can and Just remember, at the end of the day, love wins. This is great practice time, and be there for each other. And just know that my team at Reality-Based Leadership, we're there for you. So we're gonna keep trying to put out some good content and keep you in our thoughts and prayers. And I think this is happening at the right time for many perfect reasons. So we're gonna get really good at delivering things virtually. We're gonna get good at mindfully connecting and intentionally reaching out and really figuring out how we can move forward in a world that maybe is changing rapidly. So be well. This is the No Ego Podcast, where we ditch the drama, end entitlement, and transform Transform your workplace. I'm Cy Wakeman.