S2E18: End of Year

This is the No Ego Podcast, where we ditch the drama, end entitlement, and transform your world place. I'm Sy Wakeman. Welcome listeners to another episode of the No Ego Podcast. This is a special episode for me. It is my last episode for 2018. I will be taking a week off next week. I'm having a bit of a hiatus. I'm going to enjoy incredible time with friends and family. I'll be back January 7th with more incredible, great content. Since this is kind of my wrap-up for 2018, I wanted to share with you some of my own reflections about my past year. I think it's so important, as I preach to all of you, to self-reflect, and I want you You need to know that I self-reflect on the daily, but I want to share with you some of my self-reflections this year, some of the incredible things that have happened as I look back, the things I'm so thankful for, and also some of my techniques for keeping self-reflection alive and well in my life. So last year, my team ended the year with a strategic planning, or I should say strategic dreaming effort. And we do this every year towards the end of the year as our business slows down. And we really take a solid look at what we intended and what we created and what some of the surprises were, what the world created on our behalf without us even knowing or planning or asking, because I think a lot of my success comes From me just saying yes to what the world created rather than my perfect plans. But last year when we were focusing on what I call strategic dreaming, our theme was to let's really dream bigger. Let's really think about what life could be like if there weren't any limits. And then we wanted to make sure to really boil down our intentions to the real essence of what we hoped to create for ourselves and for all of you. And the exercise that had us boiling down all of our to-dos to really the essence, the impact we wanted to have on the world, was so powerful. And for those of you that love our message, part of the reason you love it, you might not know it, is we take complex principles and we translate really great research and we bring it down to the essence of the truth. And we just try and reveal that truth and try it on for size. And then when that truth is big and powerful, it's unsettling. So we also have to focus on kind of settling the mind. And we do this in our strategic dreaming efforts as well. We really dream about what cool would look like. And then we spend a lot of times Really focusing on language and thinking about the importance of the words we put out into the universe. And it's at times kind of a frustrating process, but if you don't try and push it, if you just let it happen to you, it's an amazing process. And the metaphor I use in doing this process is a brush painter, usually Japanese. There's this wonderful art of Japanese brush painting, and I took a class and it was kind of the most frustrating art class I've ever taken because you basically sit and stare stare at an object for like an hour, and then you pick up a brush and put it in some watercolor, a single color, usually some shade of gray or black, and you replicate that object but with the fewest brush strokes possible. And if you're really a master, with a single brush stroke. See, all of that staring at the object, staring at a teacup is about allowing your eye and your brain to really reveal the truth of that object, to boil it down to the simplest representation you can. And in that simplicity, the rendering of it is effortless. And I really believe that that's how strategic dreaming should be, that that's how branding should be, rather than us adding words and killing white space and putting bullet points down and pages together of to-dos is really getting to the truth of a situation in the most simple form possible and naming it and really calling it out from your imagination to the, the world. That's really how things become real. They go from the source and to your imagination to reality. And so I think it's really important to conserve our energy and to limit drama, to really Boil things down to the essence and really give them a name. So my team really worked, I can't say hard at this, but gave this a lot of space and time. And then I usually take time over the holidays to not think about it, but let it think me. And what I find is that it just reveals itself. And when it reveals itself, I'm pretty unsettled because it seems pretty big. It really taps into some of my limited beliefs. And so So part of settling the mind then is putting some support plans in place, but more importantly, finding the human connections you need to point you in the right direction and make it happen. We can sit and plan all we want, but most of the work in today's world is really more crowdsurfing. So rather than sitting alone and planning, connecting with those folks who know at least part of the way. Um, is even more important. And so this is even how we teach. We give you a concept, we reveal a truth, we present a model, we show our research, and then we just give you all time to just try it on for size. And we try it on for size in front of you with great stories, and we just let that truth kind of reveal itself, and you try it on and self-reflect. And that usually gets people a bit unsettled. And so we try and make sure and settle your mind with some easy tools or techniques that you can take forward. So now that you know how we plan, another element of our planning is my personal planning. And if you haven't done desire mapping from Danielle Laporte, L-A-P-O-R-T-E, she helps you plan in a way that blows the top off of your hopes and dreams and your desires. And she doesn't plan from what you want to create and how you're going to get there. She Helps you plan from how do you want to feel and really then do some personal reflection on how you want to feel and what feeds and drives that and how you can live it in integrity in your choices to end up feeling that way. It's really a better way to design a life. So first professional, and then I'll talk to you about personal and then give you your assignment. So Professionally, what we came up with was these simple focuses. First of all, we wanted to continue and ensure and grow a game-changing message. And so our mantra was game-changing message. That for us really drives our work. We pick our language carefully. We challenge conventional wisdom. We try and move away from leadership talk and buzzwords and, and leaving things ambiguous for the ego to interpret. We try and really work hard to bring to you a game-changing message and to continue to grow and develop and evolve that message. So the first mantra was game-changing message. Second mantra is bigger stages. We wanted to have our message delivered From bigger places, bigger stages. And then we wanted to amplify that voice so it was available to whoever was attracted to it. So amplifying that voice became very important to us. And a lot of times amplifying that voice isn't something you charge for. You may charge for bigger stages, but you don't really charge for amplifying the message, the voice. And then the last mantra was small footprint. So game-changing message, bigger stages, amplifying our voice, and small footprint. And that small footprint really defines for us how we keep things simple, how we do a lot of things and have a tremendous impact with a small footprint, a small team, how we move through the world. Really efficiently, how we hustle, how we stay away from perfection and complexity, how we partner with people rather than recreating the wheel, how we don't need to have everything internal, and how we connect with others and use— if they're the experts, use their expertise, buy the best of them, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So, If you've paid attention to not just my message, but our business in the last year, I couldn't be more proud of my team. And they have seriously rocked it. They are the absolute dream team. With just this small footprint, we have done amazing things. And my team includes VaynerTalent and some of the coaches I'll talk about in a minute, but our team rocked it. We Definitely took a game-changing message to big stages. This year I had my first South by Southwest talk. The conference blew my mind. I was so grateful because the reason I even got to present at South by Southwest, such a prestigious stage, is that all of you fans helped me through the panel picker. You voted for me, which involved about 14 steps of getting through to try and register and vote and And I just, that really warmed my heart. I gave my first TEDx Omaha talk. And again, none of this was just the efforts of my team, but some great people in Omaha who saw some worth in my message and was willing to hand me that microphone. We were able to speak for the first time at places like Google, Facebook, NASA, the Center for Disease Control, the CDC. I continued my work with the National Institute of Health, and we got to really support government officials at DHHS and the Census Bureau. And I could just go on and on about these incredible stages. I got to connect with NBCUniversal, with Viacom, got to spend a few days in Rockefeller Center, and it just was mind-blowing. Had the opportunity to go to Egypt, thanks to my friend Maha, who we connected on social media, and connect with all these entrepreneurs that are just rising up out of really some rubble to make their dreams come true. And I got to really meet incredible entrepreneurs from around the world. I was able to speak in Brazil. I was able to speak in Peru. Just so many amazing things that happened this year. We started meetups where when I am in town, people can come and have dinner or some appetizers with me and really go deep into the message. We have started a large-scale nursing webinar that kicks off in January. If you're a nurse and not registered, you got to get involved in that webinar. It's going to be my first truly healthcare nurse-focused application of reality-based leadership and how you do great work in the healthcare environment. And we hit 50,000 fans on Facebook alone. We have 10,000 subscribers on our YouTube channel. I think across the platform, platforms, we're about 160,000 people. And it's not the numbers. What I'm so excited about is that our fans, you engage with us, send us questions for our Life's Messy, Live Happy show. It's just been an amazing year to celebrate. So when we said game-changing messages, the No Ego book has really blown people's socks off. We are challenging change management, engagement, traditional leadership methods. We've really brought forward a modern leadership approach. And as people are trying it on for size in their organizations, they are finding that the ability to save 2.5 hours per person of drama per day and recycle that waste into results, they are finding that people love their jobs again. People have moved beyond ego and that their natural state is innovation and collaboration. And we are just hearing story after story after story about How after we're working with folks, people are hearing it in the hallways and in the meetings that people are really toggling their switch up. And I couldn't be more thrilled. So my team has blown it out of the water. We've done it with a small footprint and we've really worked to amplify our voice. And as I just mentioned, all that social media work, we really believe in abundance and we have been unconventional where other folks have salespeople and big footprints and complex systems. We have decided that all of you are the decision makers and we've gone directly to you and we are giving it all away. And so many of my colleagues just think I'm crazy. They're like, how are you going to make money if you give it all away? Why would anyone want to bring you in if you've already given them every thought you think during the week and you put it all out there on YouTube? And for me, I think we're in a whole new age where That conversation is so important to people and we need to give it all away. And just like a musician feeding you great music individually isn't going to prevent you from wanting to attend the conference in person, it's a heightened experience. And my experience in person with my keynotes is so heightened because people are already so familiar with my message and so open and so excited to see me, they feel like they know me and I feel like I know them because we've been engaging online, that the in-person experience is just so tremendous. And I think my favorite part out on the road is connecting with incredible fans. So we've adopted the philosophy that we're not going to create beautiful produced things for you. We are going to give you raw, organic stuff so that you can see Not only us presenting off the cuff and my travels and my work, but this next year we're going to bring you even some more organic things where you're going to see the inner workings of the Reality-Based Leadership team. And you're going to follow us in really new ways. We're bringing actually a videographer and camera right into our offices on a regular basis. So you're going to be seeing a lot about how the sausage is made. So to speak. We're really putting it out there for you. The podcast, oh my gosh, I hope you've loved season 2. We've had Martha Beck, Marie Forleo, Lisa Bilyeu, Mastin Kipp, Steve Pemberton, so many of my idols, Tim Galloway, and we've got some great new ones in store for you. So that is a lot about the business. The world's loving our message. We're so grateful to all of you who share it. But with this business plan, I tell you what, it was easy to think about for my team what to do with the business. And the whole time I'm sitting there while they're planning the business, they're planning risk after risk after risk after vulnerable moment for me personally. They're like, yeah, let's get Sai more partnered with the wonderful company Global Force and go back for an incredible keynote in front of a huge audience. Let's put her in front of The Magnet Conference, 11,000 nurses. And while they're dreaming big, I'm gulping from a personal perspective because each of these wonderful successes of my teams have put me face to face with a part of my ego that I hadn't experienced as much before. See, I'd experienced the part of my ego that judges others, but I had not experienced the part of my ego that keeps me in fear. See, fear, the acronym FEAR, is false events appearing real. And my ego loves to play me in all the internal messages about, Sai, who do you think you are? You are not Simon Sinek or Brené Brown. You cannot share the stage with Stedman Graham. My ego is alive and well. I knew that part, but I really came face to face with how much my ego was limiting me. And here's the most limiting belief is I can't do that. I'm not that. I, I, I, I'm gonna fail. And you know what I found out is that that's all true. That is all completely true. I, me and my ego, will fail. See, my ego is the least capable part of my system, either my own brain or my connection with all of you, that if I— if it's up to me having to do this, I will not succeed. My ego is absolutely correct about my limitations. And what I found out is the good news is, is I don't have to do it. Is that the way to do it is counterintuitive. It's through connecting with the energy and the knowledge and the wisdom and the power of All of you, of all these talented people in the world. It's like the big crowdsource. So ego is all about, I know and I will do it, I've gotta be right and I'm the best. But confidence is simply, I'm confident that with enough outreach and enough networking and enough asking for help and enough connecting with others who know maybe just the next step, if not the whole way, We're all gonna be fine. That if the ego has its way, it will disconnect me and I will have to do this all on my own. But if I'm in higher self, I will know that everything is unlimited, that the universe has my back, that everything is great. And that is what I really learned about seeing some of these things upfront and personal, that my ego was making all of this into fear, false events appearing real, and that I couldn't combat my ego because some of what it was saying was absolutely true. And so I found another bypass, and that bypass is not even within my own brain. That bypass is stop sitting alone thinking my way through something and simply surrender and reach out and connect in with the power of the group. See, so many people love and adore our team and me and the message and are so glad to help. And there's so many people out there who are contributing to the world, who really understand their message is helping others, who believe in abundance. And so that, my friends, became my personal mantra for last year— connection. And I'll tell you what, as an introvert, And I have found my introversion is not a personality type. I think personality types just inform you on how your ego shows up most often. See, my introversion is a preference, and preference is the work of the ego, and it keeps us away from potential, which is the great things we could do in the world. And my introversion has kept me for years to fly in, connect with my client, and leave, not connect with other speakers, not really follow up and connect ongoing with people I meet, not ask for anything, not really network. I heard in 2017, the most often thing I heard was, how can you be so successful in this business and I've never heard of you? And I work in this business and people are just like, how have I never heard of you? How have I never met you? How have I— And see, I knew how, because part of my ego keeping me safe is to go back to my hotel room and read a book rather than taking a risk and going out to dinner with some folks. So I set the intention that I was going to connect and I was going to connect in 3 ways. I was going to make more time to connect with myself, take time to get clear, because when I'm clear, I'm pretty fearless. When I get into and violate my own integrity and don't make the choices I want to make is when I'm not clear. And I found out that some of my living habits were ways I numbed myself when I made decisions that weren't necessarily in integrity, and that it wasn't about my courage. It was about my taking time to be clear, because when I'm clear, I can really do some great things. And so I have really focused on Taking time to get clear. I sent my youngest son off to college, and I've used that time to go deep in my own meditation, to get clear. Part of being on social media helps me get clear. I have to really think through some of my messaging. I'm thinking through a podcast every couple of weeks. And so I started to get really clear. And what I found out with that clarity is that I needed to set some boundaries, but not Not big boundaries, like when we're working first with someone who might be codependent. They were these small micro boundaries where I had to get clear about what I valued and even just where I paid attention in spending my time in a conversation of 20 people, like what I zoned in on as far as topics or individuals. And it was just shifts, not even verbal shifts at times, but just subtle shifts of where I paid attention and— Making sure I stayed open and staying a little longer at an event to connect with people or on a trip speaking and not flying out right away if I could. Truly network, take the risk, open up, reach out, ask for help once in a while. And that clarity was pretty amazing. And as I really wanted to connect with myself and get clear, I had some wonderful experiences the universe just handed me. They handed me the TEDx talk and the TEDx talk wasn't gonna be about business. It was gonna be about personal stuff. And so I went back to find personal stories and really connected with my own history and what I've been through and where these questions came from and what the principles are. So if you haven't watched the TEDx talk, please, Do look at TEDxOmaha, Sy Wakeman, watch the talk. I really did a lot of reflecting and clarity about who I am and where my work came from and where I deliver it to you. And it was amazing to go back and review some of those journals. And then connecting with myself, I started to connect with other people. And as I said, that was networking and reaching out. And I tell you what, When I set that intention out there, I didn't have to do anything big. I didn't have to make a plan. I didn't have to take special trips. I just had to be open and not let my ego fear me out, get me out of there from fear. And I've met amazing people. I met Thea and Greg Fastbinder, who are incredible coaches. If you need communication coaching or speech coaching, Moxie is their company name. Amazing. I met new girlfriends, Grace Kilea and Vernice Fly Girl Armour. And I met incredible people doing evolutionary HR work out there. Sarah Patterson, my very special Claude Silver, the Chief Heart Officer at Vayner, who has a new baby girl we're so happy for. TEDx gave me this incredible coach, Rita Paskovich. I've been coached more this year And it's made me better with my stories. So I really took the risk. And you know what? I found out that work is so effortless because when I'm at that higher level of consciousness and I'm reaching out, I don't have to figure things out. That these people I connect with just point the way. They just show me the next place to go, the next thing to read. It really is becoming kind of crazy. It's almost like watching a movie. I'm like, I can't wait. to see who pops in my life next because it's been such a glorious year of when I connect into people, they have some incredible gifts for me. And I'm pretty good at giving to others, but it's pretty vulnerable to receive from others. So some really cool connections. And then I had a goal of connecting with the world. And because I travel, I'm not really connected with my Omaha community. I'm kind of an introvert. I don't connect with a lot of I give a lot from my business, but when I go back and I look at my life story, my burning passion is to give back. I wanted to go into the Peace Corps after I graduated and help women with microlending and really evolving. And I knew that intention was in my heart, but as the world would have it, they put me smack into a group. So when I got the TEDx talk, I met the group of my fellow speakers, my 2018 TEDx speakers. And I was ignited, on fire when I met them and I heard their ideas. I was connected into this Omaha community in just incredible ways. So while you're out watching my TEDx talk, watch their talk. Lacey Studnicka works with so many wonderful refugees, many survivors of ISIS, profoundly brave and incredible people. And if you meet Lacey, you can't help but connect. It's like mandatory. She's the most open, loving, kind person. There's so many other folks out there. Maya is working with people who age out of the foster care system, but he's doing it not as a big agency, but really small numbers, big connections. My friend Dan gave his own kidney away. Tim, my new friend, is a fantastic person, does some art on the side, shared a story about how he didn't back away from connecting with grief. And Meg turned a disability into a fantastic opportunity for people with epilepsy. Bobby Brumfield is amazing. He's connecting so many men and boys in our community to a nonviolent way to Lead and love. And I'm sure I'm missing— oh, Matt had wonderful music. I could go on and on and on. Oh, one of my favorites, Michelle tells how a hurtful insult led her to start training triathletes who are like 11 and 12 years old, who don't originally strike you as triathletes. And so you got to get out there and watch that. But I'm so grateful for my TEDx experience because it connected me with community. And as I was reading my journals preparing for some of this, I went back to an experience I had with Jose Habde. She was a nun who was Native American. And when I remembered her, I had to Google her and try and find some of her writing because she provided for me the most incredible retreat experience with a dear friend, Candace. I went years ago. And it was from her that I learned a tradition that her people practice. And it is when you get out of bed in the morning, you take 3 steps. And the first step, they're all intentional. The first step, you really connect into yourself. You step into your own body, you step into your own intentions, you get clear about who you are and what you bring to the world. And your second step is into connections with others, and you make decisions about how you wanna be in the world. And then that third step is connection into the world and mystery. And that's not about just what you wanna bring to the world, but that's opening up to what the world wants to give you and what the world has in store for you. And I realized at the end of this year, finding that prayer, I had somewhere buried that in a cellular level because that was my intention. At the beginning of this year, and I am feeling really good about picking that word connection and connecting with myself and others and the world place. So professionally, we got really clear and simple, and we just did that exercise again. Our mantras haven't changed, but man, we got some incredible stuff coming your way for next year. I also found so many connections on social media, people I've never met, people who don't know me and help me every day. I am loving Instagram and connecting in with incredible people out there that are just having great dialogue about almost everything. They're sharing profound wisdom just for us. This next year, I, uh, I'm taking some time this holiday season to figure out what my next word is and what my Mantra is. But while I do that, I'm tapping back into Danielle LaPorte's work. And what she helped me with this last year is finding the big and in setting boundaries but keeping an open heart. Because sometimes when we set boundaries, we close ourselves off from engaging with the world. And so she talks about a huge open heart, but with a pretty strong picket fence, a good solid tall fence around that heart that you decide who Kind of comes and goes. Um, I know some of my work this next year is learning how to be a mom of amazing men. I've been a mom of boys for a long time, so I'm hoping to connect with them in new ways. And I want to continue my health journey. I have found that, um, by getting clear and setting some of those micro boundaries that Being healthy isn't really about dieting. It's about making choices in integrity so you don't have anything to numb out from. And if there's nothing to numb, your body's natural inclination is to drink water rather than wine and eat really healthy. And so that there's all these paradoxes, all these things that are challenging conventional wisdom, such as it's not about dieting. It's about the inner work. Some folks ask me if I ever have a bad day. I— they see me toggled up. I tell stories of how I ended up toggled up. And I'm here to tell you that I have many days that could easily be judged by my low self as pretty rough. But I'm working to just welcome all days and love them as they are. And that, my friends, is giving birth to my next book and focus that you'll be hearing from me. I gave my TED Talk on some personal stories. I'm writing a book called Life's Messy, Live Happy, where I'm not just going to talk business. I'm going to talk about wonderful and horrible things that happened in my life. And by the way, the same thing is always wonderful and horrible depending on your viewpoint. I'm going to talk about those things and share with you my journey in the hopes that it might resonate with you. I've had so many people watch my TEDx talk and say, you know, that's my story too. And I think stories are so important right now, not the stories our ego tells us, but the stories that we have that we bring to the table. And so I'm excited for this next year, and I'm going to dig into the holidays and read one of my favorite books, and that is my own journal. I each year write in the same book all year long, and it's not a daily journal. I'm not that disciplined. It is a place I just simply capture any notes I take that aren't business related. So anytime I'm at a talk or a conference or a retreat or a self-growth experience, I take my notes in the same journal and If I have a meme I love on Instagram, I'll print it off and glue it in that journal. If I find a favorite quote, if I talk to a cab driver and he or she says something profound, I write it in this journal. And so what I do at the end of the year is I read my favorite book, which is the year of my ahas, things that meant something to me, things that were new ahas, things that resonated with me. And when I read the book that I created page by page, piece by piece, and I read the book as a book, Mm-hmm. It is profound. It re-reminds me of truths I discovered but forgot, truths that were revealed to me, themes. It's really my favorite book. And so as these days are a little shorter and darker and we're getting ready for new light to come into this world, I would give you your assignment. I want you this next year to write a book. And this book isn't one you'll publish, or perhaps you will. It's one of you, your ahas. Go out or ask for from someone else the beautiful gift of a pretty thick journal and make it one you can carry with you often. Or if you're totally electronic, fine. I love the act of writing with Sharpie marker and just write down the wisdom you hear everywhere in the world, the things you discover, the stories you have when you thought something was horrible and it turned out amazing, the insight you have. Keep a book of your own self-reflection. And sometimes I go whole months without writing in it, but keep it. And then set a date with yourself next year to read through the book of you and your evolution and your learning. And who knows, that might be what you share with others someday. So as I reflect, we've had a kick-ass year as a Reality-Based Leadership dream team. I've had a kick-butt year of risk-taking and fear and vulnerability and bypassing that ego full of fear and being humble and really just finding my way in the world. So my hope for you as we take some downtime is that you connect into yourself and you connect into others and that you think about connecting into the world. I know my TEDxers have me inspired on how to connect in and make a bigger difference in the world place. Connect into what you desire and how you want to feel and where you want to focus and choose, and just make sure that you're in integrity, giving honest yeses and nos. And then find ways to connect into others, like open your heart up even with your solid boundaries. Connect in, hear it from their perspective. Take time to hear somebody's story without judgments and let them change you. My connecting into others and hearing their stories, especially in this MeToo and this Black Lives Matter and this world right now, I'm letting people's stories change me and dissolve my biases and open my heart and mind up. But also connect with people, let them point you in the right direction. You don't have to know anything. You just have to connect. We don't have to know anything. The most resilient people are the ones that have the biggest network of positive relationships. We can't do this thing called life alone. And then connect into the world. Love big, give hard, let go of what doesn't serve you or anyone else. Don't have expectations, but have great expectancy and welcome it all because it all is Really in your favor. Everything's good. Life is grand, and we have a lot of things we need each other to connect together because we need to work to make the world a better place. So I'll see you in 2019. Start your book, and I'd love to hear your stories. Share them with me because I think Season 3 of my podcast will include a lot of cool stories from a lot of cool people. So I want to hear about you. Be well, friends, and be good to one another. This is the No Ego Podcast, where we ditch the drama, end entitlement, and transform your world place. I'm Cy Wakeman.