What Are You Not Yet Free From?

This is the No Ego Podcast, where we ditch the drama, end entitlement, and transform your world place. I'm Sy Wakeman. Hello and welcome to another episode of the No Ego Podcast, coming to you from my home during these stay-at-home times and hoping to get started back again with some phenomenal guests. and some of your questions. So let's begin the pipeline again. Make sure that you're sending me your questions. And you can do that at info@sciawakeman.com. Would like to hear from you questions that you have about how to apply reality-based leadership to your life today. And by life, I mean life. We're going for everything— workplace, world place. And if I can't find the answer, that's even better because I will connect into our network And make some calls and get some people on the episode to answer your questions. So we're going to start inviting people back to join me, and we are considering this our, quote, new normal. And we're going to adjust and start tending to the questions you have, which we did at the beginning of season 3, and it was working really well. So let me rephrase that. I don't mean just questions like Write me in your email the details. What's going on in your life? Because it's when you put things out on paper that those details really out your ego. They really help me understand where we can move beyond your ego, what flavor your ego is coming in in that day, and how you can move forward. So that's what we're going to start doing again. But for today, I want to talk to you about freedom and the concept of freedom. I'm recording this on 4th of July weekend, and we get this out to you as quick as we can. We record pretty close up to the day we release. We want to try and keep things relevant and fresh and— A lot of times, that's when they can finally get me to report the— record the podcast. So as I'm preparing for this podcast, it's Independence Day, and the topic of freedom is coming up a lot in our discussions of our gathering on Independence Day. So 4th of July, I had my bubble together— lots of our new language— and that was, um, family and my boys and Alex and Anador, and the reminiscing started. So a year ago on the 4th of July, I summited Kilimanjaro. And so it was not lost on me during the walk over 8 days that I was heading to Kilimanjaro, which is Freedom Peak, where you actually summit to the roof of Africa is called Freedom Peak. And it's Uhuru, which means freedom. And that's the PQ Summit. And we had intentionally planned to do that on Independence Day. So the whole way that— the whole 8 days that we are walking, I'm thinking a lot about liberation and freedom, just in my own life. And I'm thinking about what I'm not yet free from, some big decisions that I know I need to make that will be part of my liberation, my ability do more important work in the world and to free me up both mentally and in my personal life. There's some big decisions. And so the boys and I are reminiscing about the decisions I made during that time. And one year later, how having the courage to act on freeing myself from some things that I had chosen. So what— brought me freedom became my captor in, in a weird way. And how do I know I wasn't free? Because those decisions were so hard to make. I felt so responsible to everybody else. I felt so responsible to not hurting people and to keeping my commitments and to making sure that I delivered on what I promised to my customers and my fans. All of a sudden, all the things that I had worked for in the name of gaining freedom had become my captors, which was so ironic. But that's what the ego does. The ego can take anything that is meant to help you walk more freely in the world and grab it and make it a have-to instead of a want-to. And a choice one year becomes a locked-in commitment another year that you feel you can't move away from. The ego takes almost anything it can to breed fear and keep you safe. So we're talking about Kilimanjaro and just the incredible things that have happened this year and what we have gone through, what we've learned. And of course then the whole topic of our country comes up and the racial inequities and not just racism. It's not just about whether we can get along personally or whether I have one or two people that I selected out of a race. And I said, look, I have the most acceptable people to me and I have called them friends, so I'm not a racist. It's— we're all racist, but it's bigger than that. It's about the way we have structured this country. So we're talking about Independence Day and freedom. And traditionally in our family, Independence Day, Is a really big day. My mom, who's passed away, it was her favorite day of the year, mostly because it was the time that all 7 kids could come home. The town we grew up in, Belmont, Iowa, made a huge deal out of the 4th. There were talent shows and frog races and parades and huge firework displays, biggest in kind of the whole regional area. It was this little tiny town, and it was their day, and it was such a happy gathering day. But this year, as we gathered, there was a bit of a shadow around the whole day, mostly because of what we've all become so aware of this year. I think Alex, you know, Doerr said it best. And if you're not following him, he has an amazing Instagram, @alexdoerr. He has incredible podcast himself called The Carvery that he takes as a millennial and applies reality-based leadership in his life as, you know, I can't say a newlywed anymore, they've been married 5 years, but a new father and someone who's under the age of 30 and who's just trying to figure out his way in the world. And it just was unusual as we looked at the facts that what normally I was so happy to celebrate and put a flag out and be proud of who we are as a country And I can honestly say that it felt a bit uncomfortable because I'm normally a pretty patriotic person and love the fact that we're doing the best we can in this messy world. And through democracy, we're trying to do this continuous improvement. But it didn't feel that way this year. It felt as if we weren't doing the best we could. If all of us aren't free, then None of us are really free. And it was just so unusual given what's come to light and the shadow side and what I've learned about June 19th. And, you know, that people heard about their freedom years later, that when the Constitution was signed, women and people of color weren't free, that from the day we came to this country, indigenous people in our country, Native Americans weren't free. And— Thank you. And we're supposed to be like the home of the brave and the land of the free. And Alex made such a good point when he was talking about how usually we're optimistic and how putting the flag up for me had mixed feelings because, as I said, I'm usually patriotic, but I didn't want to be confused with people that were really involved in nationalism. And so we had just this great discussion about patriotism versus nationalism and how I felt in some ways I wanted to play small because I was worried that I would send the wrong message to people. And that's when Home of the Brave and that famous line kind of came up. I'm like, wait a minute, now that we're discovering all we need to apply to this situation is bravery, is courage, is the willingness to step up. And so with that and reclaiming kind of my own patriotism that I believe in us and I believe that we can free ourselves from what too many of us have learned way too late. And so I proudly hung this beautiful flag that a friend of mine had brought out and committed that I'm going to really work to move from nationalism because it's not about our country, it's about all countries. It's not about— it's not really freedom until people are free. And so we had this discussion that was juxtaposed what's going on in our country and— Are we really free if not everyone's free? And then what's going on in our personal lives, and are we really free? And that's where I thought I want to come to you on this podcast and ask you a major question of reflection that I hadn't reflected on before. And that is, um, what's keeping you from being free? What is— what do you need to let go of? What Where are you not yet free in your own life? I think it's such a great question for contemplation because I think it will show you where you need to apply some inquiry to get beyond the bondage of your own ego and some inquiry into how you're living your life. And if you want your quality of life to be improved, if you want to take what's been revealed to you in this world health crisis and social unrest, if we really want to mine all of this for learning and for our own improvement in our own mental health and our improvement in our country, I think we have to really ponder the question where we're not free yet. And that started me thinking about one of my great teachers, Byron Katie. And she talks a lot about having empathy and compassion. And if you're so called to take simple action to make sure that everyone on the national, international level is free, it's an important topic. But what she talks more about is how we're prisoners a lot of times of our own minds and of our own thinking. And that really hit me, that when we're believing what we think, we're really being controlled by our ego and controlled by fear and controlled by so many illusions in our life. And when we lose mental flexibility and when we lose choice, when we go into a victim mindset, it isn't just that we go into suffering, but even more importantly, we become prisoners of our own thinking. Like, there really isn't any limit there except of our own creating, of our own making. And many of you know that I work with Stephen Matthew Adams, an incredible coach, and he wrote the book On the Way. And it talks about that happiness isn't a state of contingency on your circumstances. Happiness isn't something that's delayed gratification, like I will clean up my world and then I'll be happy, I'll get out of debt and then I'll be happy. That it really is Something to claim as your own on the way, that it is about kind of daily intentions and habits. And one of the things that we were talking about is detachment and how to live in a world where you aren't attaching to outcomes, which then is trading your freedom, where you aren't attaching even in like love situations and relationships. And I found in working with him how quickly I get into polarity. It's like I want the mad-in-love part in a relationship, but I don't want the pain part. I want the ups but not the downs. I want the— and we started to talk about polarity, that, that most everything we experience as a human has a polarity. Great love will lead at some point to great grief. Wrapped inside the love is the upcoming grief. Like, everything that we have the feeling of happiness around already has contained in it the feeling of anger, rage, sadness. Like, the problem is not the polarity or the continuum. The problem is our lack of acceptance of the polarity, where we want to attach the good but not grab into the negative. Like, true freedom comes when you are willing to experience all of that spectrum as part of the experience, that you are willing to be just as good with what we might label or judge the painful as the pleasurable. That if you want to participate in the continuum, the deal you have to make with the universe is not only you know, just give me the good. The deal we make with the universe needs to be, I will love it all. And that really is one of the challenges, I think, with our current take on gratitude, is we tend to make a gratitude list of all the things we prefer or like. It becomes the ego's way of co-opting our gratitude list, that I am grateful for this list of things that met my approval. But true gratitude is the ability to be grateful for it all. And to have a sense that contained within every moment is everything, that contained within a disappointment is a rebirth, contained within a painful learning is a newfound freedom. It's not about flipping it or spiritual bypassing or positive thinking applied. It's not pretending to like something. It truly is— Working through your attachments to the point where you can actually be free. And that's what inquiry, self-reflection, contemplation does for me, is it helps loosen the ego's grip on my thinking. And the ultimate piece of that is freedom. So freedom's been a big deal for me, liberation. A lot of you ask about a necklace I wear. It's like a Liberty dollar, and— or half dollar, maybe. I I'm not very good with that. And I bought that because the last couple of years I've been walking with the words like liberation and freedom and how one can have freedom within relationships rather than freedom is I reject a relationship so I can be free. The actual freedom is how do you, through setting boundaries, asking for what you need, gaining clarity, accepting others. How do you create freedom by improving your skills so that you can walk through the world more freely? You hear me say that a lot, and that's what I wanted you to reflect on today, is, is freedom. And so the obvious is that not everyone in our country has the same level of freedoms. And that it is not about just my own biases I need to move through. It is about what we have set up in our structure, what we've accumulated over history, how people of color are truly disadvantaged. And so the first topic or thing to reflect on is what it feels like to live in a world where You are— have more freedom granted to you in the form of privilege than somebody else. So if you identify as white, I think it's so important to help us work this grand level of freedom. So my first question to you for self-reflection is, where are you more free than others, and what do you need to do about it? And I know there's so many resources out there about how to work towards being an ally. Now, ally isn't something you name yourself, but it's something basically that your actions, the way you walk through the world, it kind of earns you. But what are the simple steps to working on that level of freedom for everybody? Like, what's your responsibility? So as a white person, I think there's really 3 steps I'm working on. And the first one is educate myself. I'm not counting on other people to educate me. When they do, it's such a gift. when people of color are willing to sit down and educate me. But it's not a burden that— or a fair expectation of mine. I have Google. I have all kinds of resources. People have been writing for years on this topic, and I have not tuned into that. And so educate yourself. Take it upon yourself to really invest time in your own education. And I would recommend a podcast I'm listening to. It's called Seeing White. And it is— a wonderful podcast slash history lesson slash mind-blowing information that my friend Doug Clappie turned me on to. And he's at Energage. And by the way, not only is he an amazing guy, but Energage is a survey company that we've partnered with on our accountability survey. And they're just doing all kinds of incredible pulse surveys about return to work and COVID and— diversity and inclusion and just an incredible company. And we're doing some very cool work together in engagement and accountability. But he turned me on to this podcast, Seeing White, and a white journalist has partnered with some incredible scholars, people of color that can really just fill in the blanks for you where The history lesson you probably were taught is very skewed and inaccurate. And so educate yourself. That's a place to start. Tune into that podcast. And then, you know, as you have educated yourself, and then it's really important to reach out to other white people. And it's almost like if you learn something, then each one teach one. Like, make sure that you're reaching out and your topic of conversation includes, just like ours did on the 4th of July, includes conversation about what you're learning and that you're willing to teach. And then lastly, I think for all of us to really start holding each other accountable, that when people aren't in the room, that you can be an upstander and that you can represent people not present, whether it's a work situation, that you need to sponsor somebody, or whether it's making room for somebody at the table or in the positions, or whether it is just calling things out, like having courage, being brave. I really think that our role right now in making America a better place for everybody and a better citizen of the galaxy, of the globe, is educate ourselves, to teach each other, to really take it on our— as our responsibility, and then to stand up for people and to pass the microphone and to vote and to do the things whatever your heart calls. And again, my commitment to you is not to take your signing up for my mailing list and being political, but my commitment is to talk about ways that our ego has bought into things convenient for our ego and to get us free. So So then I think another place of contemplation is for you to really move into thinking about where are you not free? What do you need to let go of in order to be more free? What has your ego taken that was for good and used it for evil? How has your ego mutated to grab onto whatever ounce of freedom you got and then create it into something that— makes you less than free. And I made a list of some of those things that are keeping me from being free, that are the common things I really want to explore and inquire on. And one of the things I think that keeps me free, and I think keeps all of us free— I just want to go through these so that you can be contemplating where are you not yet free, and then just pick one of these to really work and inquire on and see where your ego has really narrowed your view of this into have to and either do or don't, has really— where you've allowed it to take away any of your mental flexibility, any way of seeing this with broader perspective, any way of being willing to be vulnerable and play with this and make mistakes with it and, and do whatever you need to do with it, but that you can get more vulnerable, that you can get less perfectionistic, that you can walk through the world more freely? Like, what are those things? So my list, one of of the things that I know keeps me from really being present in the moment is attachment to outcome. So whenever I get attached to the outcome, I start to hustle and sell and manipulate and control and drive. And one of the, I think, false beliefs in my life that I've been taught is like, if you want to be successful, you have to work hard. You have to really hustle. It has to be— if you got it and it wasn't hard work, it wasn't real. This whole piece about attachment to a certain way of creating something and attachment to then the outcome of how it needs to be. And both of those things keep me really in a painful process of constantly surveying to see if the outcome is coming to fruition as I had hoped, and then experiencing the weird emotions that come with that attachment to outcome. So one of the things to let go of is attachment to outcome and really have a trust that what we build together, or what you partner with the universe on, or your— if you believe in, in a God or a source— is, is far more clever and fancy than what you had in mind. And so how are some of the ways that you can free yourself up By getting rid of the attachment to outcome. Another attachment I see a lot of us walk with is the attachment to what was. And anytime, as Byron Katie says, we're in the not now, you will suffer. If you're worried about the future, you're suffering. Why? Because it's not now. Not now is the source of all suffering. Attachment to the past and what was, like, oh, we pine for what was. you'll suffer. Why? Because it's the not now. Like, not now. If you want a name for all suffering, that if you're in suffering, just anytime you're stressed, just go, I'm in the not now, and then come back to the now. It's really kind of the ultimate form of staying in the present moment. And I would love for you to walk with the question, like, what do I need to let go of? And one of the things that comes up for me when I ask the question, what do I need to let go of, is how many deals I've made with the universe, with my employer, although I'm self-employed, with my customers. I will do this, but I expect this. I will be a good person, and that means I'll never be hurt. I will be generous, and that means people will be grateful. I will be, you know, a committed boss or spouse or partner, and that means you will never harm me. Like, We move through the world giving, but our ego quickly, to protect ourselves, applies these conditions. I will do good work, but I need to feel properly appreciated, and you need to do whatever X, Y, and Z is that I see as engagement. Like, the minute we take a risk that we can— about to be free and just free fall and jump and feel the exhilaration of that— our ego comes in and limits all that freedom with attachments to outcome or conditions. And Another place to look at freedom is, where do you need to let go? Like, let other people off the hook. Like, where do you need to forgive? And I'm not talking about forgetting. I'm not talking about condoning behavior. So many of us have so many conditions and justifications on why we won't forgive. But forgiving isn't about letting other people off the hook, really. It's about unhooking your ego from needing justice for that situation, from needing them to see, from needing to be right, from needing somebody else to understand how you've been hurt. It's freeing yourself from that obsessive thinking of— I talked to somebody recently who'd just been through a breakup, and just that obsessive thinking about wanting someone to understand how unfair the other person was and, you know, admit that they had lied. And, and it was I was like, wow, what if you just forgave them for moving messily through the world and not doing that well? And she said, well, I'm not going to let somebody off the hook. And I said, well, I'm not sure you'd let them off the hook because the true pain comes for all of us when we act out of our own integrity. They're probably already in their own version of pain and pleasure, that whole polarity. And, Seeking to avoid pain through pleasure. And so if we get okay with that whole polar extreme, we don't use pleasure to avoid pain. We're okay with pain and we're okay with pleasure. We feel the pain that frees us up to feel the pleasure. It's— that's a deep topic, probably for another podcast. But where do you need to unhook your own mind and go beyond? Um, and I just started coming up with a list of What I want freedom from and what I need to use inquiry on. And, you know, we've already talked about freedom in our world from racism, but freedom from hatred or ego, or freedom from fear, or where do you want freedom from guilt and how do you move beyond guilt? And a lot of times it's with behavior changes and making amends. Where do you want freedom from shame? What shame are you carrying around in your life? And how do you get freedom from shame? A lot of times it's going to a trusted, kind person and just taking your secrets out of the dark and admitting them in the presence of another person that they can really be unconditionally accepting for you. Freedom from the past, freedom from the future. This list just started growing on all the ways that I found that my attachments What's left of my work with my own ego keeps me from being free. And if these aren't striking a chord for you, how about freedom to move to the job you love, freedom to not feel trapped? So many people are like, oh, I want to change jobs, Sai. And their questions are, what can I do? And with a boss who does this, and I don't like working for him or her. And I'm like, well, you can Stay in joy or leave in peace. It's like, well, I can't do either. The ego has you in that third option. I need to just stay and be miserable because I have people dependent upon me. I don't have the financial freedom to move. I'm— listen to all the ways that you can't change jobs because the very job that was to give you some economic freedom, you— your ego has turned it into a have-to. Where do you need to work on next? To be able to have the freedom you need to entertain the thought, I'm going to stay in joy and look at this mentally flexibly and give a lot of margin for error with a lot of compassion, see people as my teachers, really look at this on how to grow beyond what this teacher is teaching me in the form of a boss. That's ultimate freedom, to be able to experience any situation. Mine it for learning, accept it radically and completely, and do your work on it, and be willing to let go of the need for approval or appreciation or love or attention or— so how do you stay in place and really go deep and gain the freedom you can gain by turning towards and, as Glennon Doyle says, running right into— Right into it. Um, the pain. That's ultimate freedom, freedom from fear. Ram Dass says the ultimate freedom is when you get free from the fear of dying and realize that you die in every single moment, and then you can walk really differently through life. But where do you get freedom from, and what in your life do you not resolve because you're co-conspiring, you're participating in, you're colluding with the change that keep you stuck. And a lot of people are like, well, I'll do something when I, I know what to do. And a great exercise I use came from Martha Beck. It's called shackles on, shackles off. If you have 2 competing options that you want to entertain, get really quiet and try one option on for size. Really try it on. Imagine it. Be in it. Dwell in it and just notice from a body perspective, does it feel shackles on or shackles off? Like handcuffs on, imprisoning, imprisoning, or handcuffs off, freeing, liberating? And do that enough times where you get really clear. Is something a full body yes, a full body no? Is something still unclear and I need to spend more time with it? But so many times we have the answers if we get a relationship with stillness and uncertainty. Things are being revealed to us all the time if we can free ourselves up from the very limited way we see it and try and think through it and logically reason it and take another route, free ourselves up to experience it from a body perspective. And— Excuse me. You know, a lot of people are like, "Well, I can't retire early because I can't disappoint people, and I can't you know bear that others might think something of me. And I made a commitment ten years ago that I can't you know go back on." When I was thinking about leaving my marriage, I was so concerned on what this community would think of me because we were kind of the couple. That was involved in so many community things. And it was a lot of imprisonment because I didn't want others to think poorly of me. Like, I didn't want them to have bad— a bad idea about me. And I literally was keeping myself and my kids in a situation that wasn't one of freedom. It wasn't anybody else's fault. It just wasn't the place to be at the time. Because I had these very narrow ideas about integrity. Like, I made a commitment, I will fulfill that commitment in sickness and in health. And, and a counselor once said to me, Sai, sometimes divorce is an act of integrity. And she's like, what if you widened your view of commitment? And, you know, keeping peace with somebody else really creates war within yourself. Being committed to somebody else but abandoning What you stand for isn't really commitment. It's definitely not freedom. And I started to take my very narrow definitions that the ego had narrowed in on that kept me trapped, and I started to just see if I could get mentally flexible with these definitions. Like, I really felt like stay in joy meant surrendering, and then I had to realize at times it was acquiescing, and it was not an honest yes or no. And As you move into this area of freedom, if freedom is what you seek, you'll do more reflecting and more contemplating than ever. But you can't do that with your frontal cortex. You can't do that with attachment to outcome. You can't do it to pass the test and figure it out and do the right thing and be the hero and have everyone agree with you. Another profound thing that was said to me is, Cy, are you willing for everybody To be wrong about you, to live the life you feel called to live. And that's the ultimate freedom, right, is living our life on purpose. It's bringing to the world what you feel you're able to bring to the world. And this is always a balance on this polarity. Everything you experience is, is has this level of polarity that Stephen and I talk about a lot. And so if you're in any relationship at work or at home, the polarity is the need for independence and the need for communion, for union, for security. And within the union, there's got to be enough space for independence. Independence isn't just, I let you have a Saturday alone. It's not abandoning. It's not giving people time alone. Independence is letting people have space and holding space, as I talked about in the last podcast, within the relationship for many things to be true at once. For people to be doing poorly, in your opinion, figuring something out, to have a high tolerance for some messiness. And some of us are scared for other people to actually, you know, know. You, or know that you've been pretending for a long time that you weren't being honest, or that you've been dependent on your circumstances for happiness. I'm just spouting out this stuff because I want you to contemplate where you aren't free. One of the ways we keep all of us prisoners is we narrow our margin of error, which decreases our compassion. We are so quick to judge because the margin of error we've given people is about 1 inch. When I say give people benefit of the doubt, I talk about like increase that margin of error that people can operate in. Give other people freedom in your relationships to be who they are. Like so many times we get together and we have the meeting after the meeting and we've given our boss or our leaders like a tight inch of Freedom to move within, which they can't possibly stay balanced and walk that perfectly. And so they're just always the source of our anger. We're always judging and really going after them and proving our point and venting and feeding the, the ego. And the ego's just looking at, scanning the horizon for insults so it can stay fed on anger that That is created by false injustice. There's enough injustice in the world. We don't need to feed our anger through false injustice. So think about how you can increase your freedom and the freedom of others with your tolerance, with your mercy, with your grace, with your own vulnerability, with your coming to the table and really claiming your ignorance. Claiming your mistakes, claiming your own humility. It's so counterintuitive that the truth will set you free, and what is true about who you are as a human is imperfect and biased and racist and flawed and a product of your own structure. And what if we just dropped the mask and the pretending and the image and we allowed ourselves the freedom to change our minds and to just give honest yeses and honest nos, and we got really bold. Um, you know, I really think our freedom lies beyond ego. You guys hear me say a lot— my favorite quote is Rumi's quote that says, out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there. And going beyond, when you get to that place The answers are pretty simple. The strategies, we may disagree on how to get there, but what is better for all is important. And as a country, as a globe, as a planet, we're all so interdependent. I saw yesterday a fantastic essay on rather than calling this independent state, why don't we start calling it interdependent? Independence Day, because that continuum I talk about in any relationship as a therapist standpoint is we want union and we want independence. And the way you manage that polarity and the tension between those two is the acknowledgment of interdependence. So when I go too far to dependence, I negate that interdependence. And when I go too far in demanding complete loyalty and union and that we have to all think alike, I take away from that interdependence, which requires diversity for us to have the full picture or the full bounty of what's possible for us in the world. And, you know, basically, um, I think we all know at some level in that very simple place that as long as some of us aren't free None of us are free. Now, that applies today more than ever in what we're talking about in racial inequity and socioeconomic inequity and justice. It also compels us to do our work internally. Because if you're walking through life as a parent, as a boss, as a team member, as a partner, as a pet owner, where you aren't free from your own ego, where your ego is taking what could be your freedom and using it against you, and you're buying into that, where you aren't free of your own judgment, you really are holding other people captive, where they can't really walk through the world honestly because the price is big. They lose relationship with you. They lose Communion with you because of your unwillingness to approve of people where they are and provide them grace. You are trying to hold others captive as you are being held captive by your ego, which is turning judgment in— inside towards yourself, and you're holding others captive by turning your judgment out to them rather than just with joy watching how your kids are growing up and Releasing them from the responsibility to fulfill your dreams and your needs and really just sitting back and being okay with it all. It is so important to set yourself free. And those are the tools that we try and offer you, those ego bypass tools, those fantastic questions. What do I know for sure? Freedom. When you see the truth, it's never as harsh as reality. What can I do to help set other people free? What would great look like? Like freedom as a birthright. And I'm not just talking about freedom externally, I'm talking about internal freedom where we teach our own kids not to believe everything they think. You know, I was recently asked like twice in one week about imposter syndrome. What's my take on imposter syndrome? And that's a way your ego tortures you. It turns judgment internally. It found your worst fear, which is that of being exposed. And it's saying you're really a fake, you're really this, but there's some information there. A lot of us have imposter syndrome because we are being imposters. We are playing small. We have imposter syndrome, like, I don't have the confidence to speak up in a meeting, I feel like I'm an imposter. No, the imposter syndrome isn't about you not being good enough or you're being a fraud. The imposter syndrome is that up until now you've been a fraud and you've had a piece of the puzzle that you have backed away from and not Stepped up into. I want you to take any concept that's holding you back, and I want you to get as mentally flexible as you can with it. To take that definition you've given it, imposter syndrome, like, oh, that's just lack of confidence. Throw that off, girl, and step up, and you're just as worthy as everybody else. Well, yeah, you are. But also take a mentally flexible view. How could it be true? Where have you been an imposter? Work there. Where have you been less than honest? Where have you been unwilling to be wrong? If you want ultimate freedom, it comes mentally, with mental flexibility, with the ability to inquire, with the ability to just have many things to be true at once, to expand this pool of meaning, to really be willing to find how things are true. One way we limit our freedom is we denounce something immediately. And so we have to now protect against that, defend against that, instead of just being free to drop our end of the famous tug-of-war rope and just say, you know what, thank you, I'll look at that. That's not free if you can't look at a situation and find how you are that. The reality is, is we are all of it. We are all of it. We are all part of the solution. We're all part of the problem. We are All of it. And so my hope is that you set yourself free by asking the question, what are you not yet free of? Do you have debt that keeps you from feeling like you can make choices? Then get to work on the debt. Do you have people depending on you that you feel you can't be free from? Then work on breeding independence. Work on releasing yourself from that responsibility. I don't know what your answer is, but I do know what the question is. And with better questions, we get different answers. What do you need to learn? What do you need to unlearn? What are you struggling with? What do you need to struggle with? Yeah, instead of turning away, which is our childish way to get freedom, is to ignore things in rotation. What if we turned towards and just said, I'm going for it. I want to be free. And in the name of freedom, I'll go deep on that. I will get what I came for. I will go deep. Where do you need to go deep as a leader? If you're not doing this work, you're not going to be able to lead a team because you're going to hold them prisoners to what you haven't yet explored, what you haven't yet inquired. You can't lead people in the work you haven't Done. And I'm not saying you have to get it done. It's not cereal before others can do. I'm just saying you need to be involved in the same work you're hoping to involve other people in. It is all of us involved in the same work at the same time where our focus is off one another and the judgment and into ourselves and focused on the freedom. You know, the less you hold on to, the more ease you will find in the doing. And my writing comes easy when I'm not attached to the outcome and editing as I go. My work comes easy when I'm willing to do the best I can with what I have and learn a lot more. My relationships come easy when I'm willing to show up and be as vulnerable and honest as I can in the moment and be willing to revisit and come back and add more data points And commit to staying together while I independently work through some tough stuff. So freedom, freedom, may we claim it in our minds, may we give it to others, and just may we really focus on freedom right now in our lives. May we focus on trying to create it for others by the way we vote. Create it for others by our own forgiveness, by our vulnerability, our honesty, our integrity. Freedom. Like, let's get what we came for. And I think the ultimate satisfier in life for me is not just the pursuit of freedom, because that means that it's something I have to work for out there, but the willingness to, in the moment, Find the ounces of freedom that I could move into and claim. And I really think, you know, not only will the truth set me free, but it will set all of us free. So those are my random Independence— Interdependence Day musings and my contemplation practice for you this week. Where are you not yet free? And what's that telling you? What do you need to do in your own mind? What contemplation do you need to participate in to get more free mentally? And then what actions do you take— need to take to create more freedom in your physical surroundings? I hope you have a wonderful week. Send us your questions. Thank you. Send us your questions. Thank you. This is the No Ego Podcast, where we ditch the drama, end entitlement, and transform your world place. I'm Sy Wakeman.