Ask A&A: Business Boundaries, Making New Friends, and Where We Shop

Welcome to The In Between Podcast, a show for women navigating the space between where they are and where they want to be.

This is your go-to holistic business podcast where we dive into strategies, mindset, habits, and of course, making a meaningful income so you can live your dream life.

I'm Astrid, a multi-six-figure luxury wedding photographer and a former corporate marketing girly.

And I'm Alexis with 10+ years in tech as a senior brand partnerships manager and business coach. Think of us as your business besties cheering you on as you level up. Let's get into it. Hello friends, and welcome back to another episode of The In Between Pod. It is one half of the podcast, Alexis.

And the other half, Astrid. And I am so excited because today we get to answer your questions. We used to do a lot of these, um, towards the end of last year, and now we're doing them quarterly. So we have missed getting to do this with you. And yeah, this is going to be a more laid back episode where we get to just catch up with you all. Share, of course, our in-betweens, and then answer your questions, which are all in the range of fashion, in the range of having business career tips and all the good stuff.

Yes. I love these kinds of episodes. I love one, seeing what y'all are wondering, like what questions you're asking. It also helps us know how to create better content, like informs us what other kind of episodes you might want from us. And also, this is just so fun. I think this is a fun community episode. So before we dig into that, let's share our in-betweens. We always share what we're in between. We always believe that you're in between something in life and business. And for me, actually, do you want to go first?

Sure. Or you go ahead. You seem like you were ready to dive in. You go first. Okay.

I was like, wait, let me be polite and ask her if she wants to go first. I do have mine though. I am just in between prepping for a trip. Like, you know, that, that moment of you're trying to get your inbox clear, you're trying to, you know, you're getting your nails done, your hair done, like you're packing all of that. Um, that's me right now. So just getting ready for Spain. Really excited. I think by the time you are listening to this, I will already be in Spain, but I'm going for 2 weeks. I'm coworking with some of my colleagues for a week in Malaga and then Marbella. And then Circles Offsite is in Marbella for a week, and I'm so excited. Our Airbnbs are really fun. Marbella is a really cool like resort town. It kind of reminds me of Nice, Astrid. Like when I was doing a lot of TikTok research, it reminded me of Nice. And I'm going with two of my girlfriends who are also my colleagues, Emma and Michaela. And I was like, "So y'all want to do Pilates?" I found this adorable. like reformer Pilates studio in Marbella. So we're gonna have like— these are my 2 girlfriends that love to read as well.

Mm-hmm.

So we're gonna like read, hang out, watch like rom-coms, and work. And I'm just so excited about that. So in between prepping for that and planning all the content that I want to shoot, and yeah, overall just trying to not get too anxious leading up to a trip. I don't know if you deal with any trip anxiety, but yeah. Do you deal with trip anxiety?

Oh yeah. I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack every time, honestly. I'm like, next time I'm not going to do this. And then next time rolls around and my little heart goes ding, ding, ding. Just like, yeah, the anxiety is bad, but yeah. It's just like an Olympic sport, especially when you're traveling for work. I do think it's different when you're traveling just personally for vacation. It's still a layer of prepping and your outfits and all of that, but you're not— you don't have responsibilities that you're like, okay, what do I need to do for this?

Yeah.

Um, and prepping like content that you're gonna shoot and like being able to be very prepared for it. So I think that's for me what causes the anxiety is like, am I missing anything that, um, or any backup portion that I need for this trip? So yeah. Yeah, it's gonna be so fun though. I'm excited to hear more about Marbella. I I got your TikTok today that you sent me a beautiful restaurant from Marbella, and I just thought you were confused with Mallorca. I was.

Oh, my God, I was confused. I said that to you.

I was like, you should go there next time.

Wrong city in Spain. I apologize. No, you're good.

I'm inspired now. I'm like, I need to go there. We need to do a girls trip there. But I'm excited to see all your content. I've been loving your content this I mean, I always love your content, but it's really different from what you've done before and really it feels more spontaneous, Alexis, which I really love.

Thank you.

Which I know is so intentional, but—

I am working on letting things be imperfect and I think I just get in my head about content. I know we released an episode a couple weeks ago about creating content and all of that. And there is an aspect of the spontaneity that I miss. And yeah, I'm just testing out some different things. So we'll see. One other quick update, because I had someone actually, a couple people send me messages about this, about my inbox anxiety. And I got my inbox down from 150 to 70 last night.

Nice.

And I'm going to keep going until that hits zero. But the weight that I felt lifted by just cutting my inbox in half was amazing. So Sometimes it does require like working outside of work hours because I wasn't distracted by Slack and my phone and I was able to just crank for a couple of hours. So that's my piece of advice. If you like really need to get through your inbox, try to do it either really early in the morning or late at night when no one's messaging you. Because I love that. No, I think there's nothing like trying to get your inbox down and you see people responding right away. You're like, what are you doing? You're supposed to wait 3 to 5 business days before you respond.

We just finished catching up and you're giving me more work? How dare you respond?

Oh my gosh. Okay. Sorry. What are you in between?

No, you're good. All I was going to say is you should create a reward system. What are you going to get when you hit zero? That always helps me. I'm like, once I hit X amount of classes, I'm going to buy a new set, for example.

Yeah. So I can't buy anything in the Paris airport. If I don't hit inbox zero.

Nice. Okay. You've already got this reward system down.

Yeah. That's pretty brutal too. Like I'm going to spend 5 hours in the Paris airport duty-free and I can't buy anything unless I hit inbox zero before I, before I fly out on Monday evening. So.

Proud of you. I can't wait for what you're going to buy and you're going to buy it guilt-free.

Exactly. You know how to incentivize over here.

Truly, truly. I always incentivize.

I actually, that's the only way that I get anything done.

I'm a great boss. I reward myself.

I am internally motivated.

Okay. On my end, I'm in between just thinking more bigger picture with my business and what I want in my career. We had a really fun team get-together last week with the girls, and it's just been so fun to see how their lives evolved and their careers evolve. And at the same time, it put it back on my radar, how things do change often, especially in a business. And when you're a business owner with multiple employees, things are bound to change, availability and just different life Or places that people are in life. And so, yeah, so I think for the first time I'm thinking more of what's the longevity of the team aspect and how do I want to even double down more on that? Or how do I want to continue to grow it? And/or is there another skillset that I have that I want to expand on more? And continue to just run the program as is, which it's been going really well. And so yeah, I think sometimes in the creative space, and at least in the photography world, it just kind of feels like, oh yeah, just another— like next year is already booked up and that's what I do for a living. And I'm also, I'm 30. And so it's like, okay, if I don't start now what I want to be doing when I'm 35 or 37 or maybe 40, of course it's just going to take longer. So yeah, I'm just brainstorming ideas, brainstorming how I can grow the girls' positions even more within the company and just like what that all looks like. So in a way, I'm back to the drawing board in a different way. And it feels challenging and uncomfortable, but I'm grateful to be here and grateful to just have such a great team, honestly, that I, I don't even have to worry about their skillset or reliability or anything like that. It's just more the big picture stuff.

She's in boss mode. I love it. No, you're an amazing leader and you have built an incredible team of such kind and talented women. Um, and I love that the trust is there so much so that you have the capacity and, and brain space to be thinking about the future. So that's amazing. I can't wait to hear what you come up with because I'm sure it'll be fabulous.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Yes, I'm very excited. Maybe you'll catch me on your nearest TikTok shop.

Literally all the business ideas that just fly through my head every day.

Yes, it's a lot. I'm like, I could open a wellness spa. I could be on TikTok shop. Maybe I'll just, you know, consult people. I don't know.

I hear you.

Oh my goodness.

All right. Should we get into the Q&A?

Let's go ahead and jump into our Q&A section. And our first question I absolutely love. It says, as BFFs running a biz together, what boundaries do y'all put in place?

I love this. Do you want me to go first? Yeah, go for it. This is the boundary she's setting right now in real time.

I'm kidding.

Okay. Some things that have helped us are monthly meetings to talk about the podcast, talk about marketing. The mastermind, because having a dedicated time to talk about those things helps it not seep into other conversations. Naturally, we're talking about the podcast mastermind often, but having dedicated space to be able to talk about that, and we have it on the calendar and we know that we can talk about it, that has been really helpful for us to stay focused. And then also something that you do that I love that I've picked up on as well is you and I are in pretty much like constant communication with each other. And for certain audio messages, you'll be like, okay, bestie life update. Like, okay, like bestie message now. Like we kind of verbally switch gears. So we'll respond to something business oriented. And then we'll also have that like, okay, best friend update. It's a different energy. Like it's a different kind of vibe that we even bring to the audio message. Like our professional voices. Are like, okay, we are getting things done. And then the next audio message is like, and it's nice because we never wanted to lose that dynamic, and it's really important to protect. So that's what comes to mind for me. What about you?

You killed it. Yeah, the biggest thing I was going to say that's really helped us is switching from bestie mode to business mode. And I would say another layer of it that's been really helpful We've been running the podcast now for 2 and a half years.

This July will be 3 years. We need to do something for it.

We absolutely do. We absolutely, I think we'll be like close to mastermind retreat. So maybe we do a little fun, fun thing there. Um, but yeah, it's, it hasn't come without like, of course it's challenges. And I feel like both of us just ultimately prioritize respect and honesty with each other. And I respect you so much that I would never do something just for the sake of doing it. I would put my whole soul into it. And I think we match each other's energy in that. And I think that's so important in a business because you're going to have ebbs and flows where I'm slammed with work and then, or you are slammed with work and there can be a lot of resentment with like, oh, but you're not putting as much work in as I am. Or like, I'm doing all of this. And I feel like we do a really good job also at assuming the best intent of the other one. And when we have more bandwidth, we each sprint with our bandwidth. We don't just coast by. So I think when we're very respectful of that work dynamic together, of putting full force energy in and then assuming the best when things are ebbing and flowing, which is natural, I think that's really helped our friendship. And then just being honest when things feel off.

Yeah.

Or something came off wrong. Like we've, things can be misinterpreted via text and then just right away, like sending a voice message and being like, hey, this came off in this way. Am I reading this correctly? If so, like I would love to chat about it more. And then getting the clarification and it's like, oh, okay, great. Like that's not what you meant. But sometimes we just, yeah, let that fester. And I think that's really where the relationships can go south in the business.

Yeah. I'm glad you brought that up because. Something I love about our dynamic is how quickly we do jump on those situations where if something is off or energy's off, or we're also both texting throughout our workday. So sometimes like I'm in between meetings or you're in between meetings and we're just like firing off a couple of quick things and maybe the tone or our punctuation or even like emoji use like is off because we're busy and being able to like check in and be like, hey. You know, just wanting some clarity on XYZ and not taking it personal isn't the right way, but like, we're just seeking clarification. Like, I just want to make sure, like, is this how you meant it? Did you mean it like this? And then being able to slow down and be like, oh yeah, I totally see where she's coming from.

Mm-hmm.

And let me like add more context or clear that up. And so I think that's been a helpful way for us to. honestly prevent conflict is by calling things like that out very quickly.

Yeah. And one more thing that came to mind is like, honestly, our friendship trips, we do such a great job where if the conversation naturally goes to talking about ideas of growing the podcast, great, but we keep it in the fun space. We're not there to like, it's not a business retreat. And so I think that's really important. I feel like we're married to each other. We get away from the kids, like have a Time to get away. But yeah, I think just being able to have those fun experiences and both of us having the ability to check out of work and just be with each other is important because if we were running this business together and when we traveled we were only talking about business or that's all that came up, it'd be like, dang, I miss my best friend. I just want to kiki with you on the beach and that's it. Yeah.

I want to drink a Hugo Spritz and talk about the book that I'm reading in detail.

It's my favorite. I don't have to read and you get to tell me all about it.

I do do that. It's my favorite thing. Um, okay, what's the next question?

Okay, the next question is, what are your recommendations for people who want to be entrepreneurs but have no idea what to do or where to start?

Ooh, I, I went first last time. You go first this time.

Okay. I think that there's a lot of, yeah, there's a lot of ways you can take this. I think first would be doing a little brain dump of what are some ideas and things that excite you without thinking of what is it going to take to execute, just initial. And then being able to narrow down of like, okay, these are my top 2 or 3 that I might want to put time and effort towards. And then finally being able to test it small. So like something that I did that really helped when I tested out photography is I tested out for a whole year. Like I was like, I want to see if before I launch a whole business and create a logo and like charge prices and all of that, like let me just do shoots here and there. Let me see what type of shoots I like. Let me do family, couples, weddings, etc. And That really helped me so that when I launched, one, I already had a portfolio and people who knew that I did photography. But then at the same time, I decided first, do I like it? And before committing to it. And so maybe you want to be a content creator, like, okay, what excites you about it? And what are some topics that you're really pumped about? And just test it out. And if you hate it, then you hate it and you stop and then move on to the next thing and be comfortable with that. Like, It's okay to not continue that. So I think just like keep like testing things on a smaller scale, doing it more as a side hustle first, for sure. And then have fun with it. I think like that's the best part of when something is, um, a side hustle. If you want to be a full-time entrepreneur, it's like there's no pressure on it being your main income. So you're more willing to take risk. You can, um, Yeah, like there's not that pressure as much. So that's, that's my advice. What are your, your recs?

No, I love that. Great recommendations. Something to consider is looking at your skill set as well and saying, okay, these are my skills. Where can I start a business with the skills I already have? And I think it's looking at like, are you wanting to start a business because you want to make side income? Are you wanting to start a business because you want to be a full-time entrepreneur? Because I do think that the motives of that are very different. And so when I was in college, I wanted to make side income. I wasn't thinking I want to create a career in fashion and merchandising and e-commerce. I was like, I have a couple of years where I'm going to be in Southern Illinois. I want to start a business to make extra money and take what I'm learning from school and put it towards a business. And so I got a $2,000 loan from my grandma and I got an Illinois state business license with a wholesaler, um, like EIN number. And I went and bought my first round of wholesale clothes and I started a pop-up clothing boutique and I ran that for 2 years and I started it knowing it was not going to be forever, but I was able to make great income and like honestly help fund my move to Nashville. It also helped me build my career up. So I think look at that as well when you're starting a business, because the pressure that you put on it will be different. And to Astrid's point, if you can have that start as a side hustle, so the pressure is less, I would say that's another, um, that's a great piece of advice. And then mentorship. Are there individuals who are doing what you're interested in, in an industry that you're interested in, that you could be mentored by them? Meet with them, you know, twice a month, once a month, treat them to coffee and just learn, like just soak up what they're interested in and sorry, what you're interested in and see if you can learn from them. Because certain things that I've been mentored with or calls that I've taken because I'm curious about something, the more I learn about it, it gives me clarity. Oh yeah, I want this. This is, this is validation. Or the more I learn about it from someone who's doing it, Who's actually saying this is what my daily life is like running XYZ. I learn oh I actually don't want that. That's actually not what I'm interested in. So are there ways that you can learn from people who are already doing it too?

Mm-hmm. I love that so much. I think being able to receive that mentorship can save you so many years.

Yes.

And not only like whether you want to do it or not, but if you're going in a direction, save you years of like. bumps and like trying to figure out how things work, especially as you jump into like the new space. But I love this question. I hope that our— the person who asked this lets us know what business.

Or message us, let us know what business you're wanting to start. We would love to, to hear and support you.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Um, okay. The next one is a really fun one. Favorite places to shop for clothes and Both of your styles are chef's kiss.

Wow.

So sweet.

So kind. Um, I love this question. Such a pivot. Let's see. Favorite places to shop for me would be Aritzia. That's like a go-to for me. Aritzia, Anthropologie. And then I really— I also like Zara as well. And then I love local boutiques. Like, I love shopping. When I travel a lot, I'll go to boutiques wherever I'm at, and I like to buy clothes from there. It just feels like a little bit more unique.

Mm-hmm.

Um, and then I would say I've been— for denim, because I have— I'm 5'5 and I have a curvier body, I have really liked Paige denim and Reformation denim. Like, it's expensive and they are investments. Like, I will not, I will not like ignore that fact. But now it's like the, the pairs of jeans that I reach for and they fit so well for my body type. I didn't have to get them altered. So that's where I shop for clothes. And then for home decor, hmm, I don't know. I would say like, honestly, HomeGoods. Like, I love HomeGoods. Um, Wayfair. I've gotten a few good, like, quality pieces from Wayfair. And then I don't know, my house has kind of come together the last couple of months. I would say those are the two, like, and then CB2 for a handful of things, but it can be a little, a little pricey. Um, and Hobby Lobby has a couple of really good pieces as well. Um, so that's what comes to mind for me. What about you?

I love those. Um, okay, on my end for clothes, um, my number one favorite, um, this past like year and a half or 2 years, I guess, has been Meshki. As a tall girly, like, they actually create clothes that for the most part, if I order something, it's gonna fit how it needs to fit, right?

Yes.

Um, so I really love them and they've expanded so much. Whenever I bought that one like black backless dress like 2 years ago. It was— they mostly just did dresses. And then now they've added like their office edit. They just launched like a bridal edit. They've had like bridesmaids dresses, like all different kinds of stuff, but their quality is truly incredible. So yeah, I love investing in their pieces. And if you're a tall girly like me, I feel like it fits really, really well compared to when I've gotten to Aritzia. I love their stuff, but I feel like it's been— it's made more for shorter torso. And so I've had a little bit of a struggle buying pieces there that I love because of that. So—

Fair.

I would say Meshki, Zara, Abercrombie still has like some really good solids. I love like their sweatshirts. Um, buying some there is just like a nice— a nicer, more elevated style of a sweatshirt to style with things. Um, I feel like some of my basics do come from Abercrombie and they're still kicking strong. Um, Zara as well. And then yeah, local boutiques have been an absolute favorite, like when traveling and stuff. Trying to think if there's any other.

One more I was going to add was Peppermayo.

Oh yeah.

A lot of my vacation pieces, Peppermayo's dresses are just lovely for vacation. Love that. Love, love Peppermayo.

Yeah, that's, that's a fun one. Um, the other thing I would say is, not me mentioning TikTok Shop earlier, but the more that if you're a TikTok girly, the more that you save fashion inspiration to a collection, the more that I have been getting like really solid outfit recommendations from TikTok Shop. And I have bought a few things from it and they've been like really good pieces. Obviously it's, it's kind of like an Amazon, like some things are going to be great, some of them aren't. Um, but that's also a really fun way to like work with the algorithm. And yeah, I think that's it on my end for— oh, okay, my last one is Skims. I'm actually wearing like the, um, the long sleeve right now.

I have that in gray. I love it.

God, it's the best, the best basics, like the best long sleeve I can ever think about. And also underwear, my life changed when I bought the underwear from there. The PJs, like, they're an investment, but they're by hand— like, hands down some of my favorite pieces in my closet. And when I'm traveling, like, I will take those pieces as, um, staples for my wardrobe.

Yeah.

I think that's it. I think that's it. Um, and then as far as home decor, uh, mine is a mix between Target and actually— okay, if you go to Anthropologie, their home decor is amazing. And if you go on a holiday weekend, a lot of times online they have their home decor like super discounted. And I've gotten some really beautiful like vases and like small little things around the house that just elevates your space, um, for like $5, $10, like, you know, just half, half off. So those are always fun. Um, I have an Anthropologie credenza that I really love, and then I've just really been into collecting art To decorate my walls. And so when I travel, that's what I do. Or if I go to the thrift store, that's like what I'm looking for. And I recently discovered HomeGoods. Love it.

It's the best.

Love it, love it. And do not underestimate IKEA. I feel like when I came back from Europe and I wanted to change a lot of things in my house, IKEA was fantastic for changing some like light fixtures and like Curtains and things like that, um, that I didn't really want to spend a ton on but still look great. So—

Love IKEA. I got some good like dishes from IKEA. Oh yeah, their dishware. Like one of my favorite bowls is from IKEA. Also, don't sleep on Etsy. Etsy has some really unique like jewelry and, and all that as well. So I love that question. I could talk about that all day. We didn't even talk about like Workout wear. But we—

oh my God. Okay, do it real quick. Spitfire your favorite.

Really quick. I would say Aritzia's TNA Butter line for workout wear. I would say Lululemon for certain things. Like I'm not a Lulu diehard. TLF Apparel has been like a longstanding love of my life. I like Viore. They don't have as much high compression for me. 437. And then this brand Astoria, it's been all over my Instagram ads. And yeah, I just got a red set from, from them. And then Athleta. Well, Athleta is back. I feel like Athleta kind of like fell off there for a little bit, but their Pilates like cute matching sets are really, is really cute.

I love that. My favorite I would say is Alo. I've heard a lot about them. It really caters to the tall girlies. I get an ick whenever my leggings are too short and then it starts popping out of my sock. I just can't handle it. But their quality is phenomenal. I've liked Gymshark for a really long time, but it's more for lifting. And I've heard some really good things about Set Like the, the SET ones and 437. So I have not bought any workout clothes though. And my like goal is once I hit like 30 classes, I think is what I said, um, of like hot yoga and hot Pilates, I'm gonna go buy a new set.

Where are you? Where are you at right now?

I'd have to look. I think, I think I'm around 15-ish. Yeah, yeah. So by your birthday, I'll be like wearing my matcha colored one. Perfect.

Per your request. Yeah, I love it.

Um, okay, the next question is, what made you decide to add on a team and how did I vet them? Um, okay, so as far as adding a team, for me was I realized I was getting about 350-some inquiries a year and I only took on max 20 weddings. And so the rest of them, I was just like, sorry, I'm not available. Not available. Not available. And just turning down a bunch of work at the same time that whenever I met with friends in the industry that maybe they're incredible at their job, but don't love to post on social media, they're like, oh, I don't. How do you get clients and like, I'm trying to work with more people. And so that made my brain think of like, well, I'm turning down all of these and what would it look like if I was able to take on more weddings and brought on, on more people or brought on a team? Um, and then that way they could work on more of these, this type of weddings. And so, um, yeah, so that was basically How it started, and then how did I vet them? So I had an interview process, but before the interview process, I decided like what type of team do I want to have? And I think that's a really important step is like basically design it first and then go and interview and then go and expand your team. And for me, I just think like when you're dealing with someone's wedding day. It's such an important day that I couldn't put my name on, on something that had more of an entry-level experience for a wedding day, which I feel like is where a lot of the associate programs are running towards. And so my main requisite was like, they have to have been in the industry for either a substantial period of time or they've shot enough weddings in a shorter period of like years. that the expertise and their gallery like really shows it. So I decided that first and then I created like the job posting basically. And I was like, here's who it's for. It's for, for, I wanted them to still have like their own businesses. Like, I'm not unrealistic of if I want that level of caliber, they're not going to just take 5 more weddings with me full time for a whole year. Like you got to live and pay your bills.

Right.

So you can run your whole business. You're doing extra 5 to 10 weddings with me a year. And send me your portfolio. So I did an interview process, and then I did like a— I had them like email me basically like why they wanted to join, looked at their portfolios, narrowed it down to about 5 or 6 women. And then I was only going to hire like 1 or 2. But then the 4 that it was narrowed down to, I was like, I just can't— like, they all bring something different to the table. And it's worked out really, really well because what I do is, yes, I get an inquiry and then the girls will put their availability for that date. But then when I have the call with that client, I then match them with the best photographer for their day. So if they're more into like documentary and lifestyle and all that good stuff, I know who to pair them with versus like a more editorial, like they want super crisp and all that good stuff. And so. I feel like bringing on 4 has been great for availability and also having more to match with my clients' personalities. So that was kind of how I did it. I think if you're considering expanding your team, look at what is your level of inquiries and can you fill those spots for somebody else? And just start with one. If it feels very overwhelming, I genuinely was supposed to just start with 1 or 2. It just kind of worked out the other way. But just start with 1 and like decide if you're scared to hand off a wedding to somebody else, what are those main things that would make you not be scared? For me, it was experience. And can they have an amazing personality where I'm not going to be scared that they're like going off on the couple, going off on the bridal party, like they can be compassionate and kind and lead? on wedding day too. So decide what are the things that can calm down your fears and then just recruit based off of that.

I love that. I could hear you talk about that all day long. It's so cool to— you're now 2 years— 2 years ago you launched the, the associate program with your team, and it's really cool to see where it is today.

Thank you. Thank you. Um, okay, the next one is also along the lines of— it's more on the lines of career rather than business, which is, would love to hear tips on navigating managing someone that is older than you.

I love this.

Take it away.

Okay. I have not had experience managing a direct report that is older than me, but I have worked and project managed. A lot of different things where people on the team are older than me, and I'm maybe the youngest in the in the group. So I'm going to speak from that perspective. I would say that if you let age be a wedge, it'll be a wedge. And if that colleague or direct report in this case for you lets age be a wedge, it'll be a wedge for them. So I think if if you can come at it with You're 2 individuals there to do a job. You have an immense amount of respect for them and them for you. Then you can start at that foundational place of we're here to do good work. And honestly, age really shouldn't even play a factor in behavior, in communication. I don't know, maybe I'm naive, but I don't think that it should be something that is used. To maneuver around people in a different way. Like we should all be able to respect each other and communicate effectively regardless of that dynamic. And I do know that sometimes when you're a leader and you're in a, and you're younger, you can get in your own head about it. And so I would say like, are there ways that you can, one, hype yourself up, remind yourself why you have the job? Remind yourself how qualified you are and also like hold yourself accountable to not allowing, oh, I'm young. Like don't show up with that energy because people will feel that. Um, I actually got told that very young in my career. I think I was like 24 when I got this piece of feedback that basically my team could tell that I was uncomfortable with me being in like leadership decisions or leadership positions. And I was younger and I would kind of like bring it up a lot or I would act insecure about it. And they told me very blunt, like kind and bluntly that I needed to let it go. And like, no one's thinking about how old you are. Like, it's just, can you get the job done and how good are you at your job? They don't necessarily care that you're 24. And that was really helpful. I never, I actually, from that point forward, was able to let a lot of that like ageism with myself go. So that's my perspective. What do you think?

I love that. I have had the opportunity in both of my corporate jobs to manage people that are older than me, not significantly. I mean, they were like maybe 5-ish years older than me, but in your 20s, it does feel significant when you're like 23 and they're like in their late 20s and married and with kids and all of that stuff. And I could not agree more with your advice of like, it's, it's all in your head. And how can you rewire your brain to show up and be like, okay, I am qualified for this. So if somebody thought that I was, um, qualified enough to be their manager, then good for you. And what I think too is like forgetting more of age, but like if you were to put your expertise, quote unquote, on an age scale. You are older than them, you are more mature than them, and that's why you're their leader, right? And so forgetting about that aspect of things and using more of your emotional maturity and your expertise to lead and clearly communicating like, here's what I expect from you. Because I think that they assume that because you're younger, you're just more carefree and it's free-flowing and all that good stuff. And so I think when you can create clear expectations, it's easier even when they're older to be like, okay, well, you didn't get your job done, right? Like we set the goal was X. Tell me, tell me like what, what could I have helped you better with during this? Or what could you have done better to achieve that? And so I think a lot of times we can have that struggle and think that it's the age factor. And like, maybe it is like, maybe they're like, I can, in a way walk all over them because there's no clear expectations. But if there's clear boundaries, clear goals, then I think that you're, you're, they're going to respect who you show up as. And that goes for anything. I feel like I've worked with, I mean, people in their 50s and they were managers and I gave them the respect that they deserve as a human, but they didn't have the emotional or the maturity that I thought they should have given their position. So it's really less about age and it's more about like what kind of energy and leadership you want to bring to the table. But if you're struggling with someone respecting you, then like lay out clear, clear goals, clear boundaries. And I feel like that is something that can really help make it more black and white. You're muted, baby. You're muted.

My bad. Thank you for that. I was going to say, uh, thank you for that question. I love that you have this position and that you're growing your team. So congratulations.

Absolutely. Absolutely. All right, let's wrap up with a very fun question. Um, and this one says, How to find friends in your 30s or just as an adult in general? Yeah, I feel like you should take this one because I feel like you're— you could literally write a book on how to make friends at any stage in your life.

That is so nice. Um, yeah, I honestly, similar to the question that we just answered, it's all about the energy that you bring. So I think when I, I moved to Nashville, lived in Nashville for 5 years, And then moved back to Effingham where like Astrid and I became really good friends. And then that was kind of a new friendship. Moved to Houston. I have my Houston besties here. So I've, I've moved and have been able to build really beautiful friendships with a handful of people. And I think that a big aspect of making friends in your 30s is the expectation that you bring that you might need a lot of them.

Mm-hmm.

And I think sometimes in like college, even like early 20s, you have like a really big social friend group. And for me at least, I have found that I really like about 2 to 3 close friends in a given place. Like I had 2 really, really close friends in Nashville. I have 2 really close friends here. I have a handful of close friends at home, and that's been something that's been helpful for me. So I think like walking into building friendships, realizing like I could just have one or two really deep connections and that will change your life. Like I liked Houston so much more once I had Millie and Danielle and Mimi and like my book club girls, and that, that really shifted how much I enjoyed my life too. Um, so I would say be open to talking, talking to people where you are. Go to the coffee shop. Can you talk to the barista? Can you talk to somebody in line? Can you make conversation? If you're at the Pilates studio, like talking to the person next to you before class starts. I know it's uncomfortable, but you are already doing these activities and somebody that might have similar interests to you is doing them too. So at the gym, that's where I've made the majority of my friends. And then through book club as well. And like, it just kind of spiraled from there, like a friend of a friend, like bring a friend, and then you just meet more and more women. I also think that when it comes to connecting with people, something that I have learned is that every friendship can offer you a different gift. And That gift can be like a soul tie. Like, we are so connected and there is such depth in this friendship. Like, it's— it— like, that's what— that's the gift of that friendship. Someone else might give you the gift of like girly fun. Let's go shopping. Like, maybe you're not talking about deep things, but you get to just be a girl together and it's not that deep. Okay. Love that gift. That's great. Another gift might be the friend That's always like, let's go see a comedy show. Let's go to the museum. Let's go to this concert. Let's go do things. And that's your friend that loves bringing activities to your life. And so I have loved being able to experience different gifts that different people give me and that I get to give them instead of being like, this adult friendship needs to look this way and it needs to check these boxes. Whereas like I get to experience so many different types of friendships because I recognize that they all give me something a little bit different because they're all different people.

Does that make sense? Absolutely. Absolutely. I love those tips. And I think that's so great to keep in mind because sometimes we're looking for this person that will fit all these boxes. And I think it's funny because in a way, finding friends as an adult is very similar to dating. Like, Sometimes we put too much pressure into meeting the perfect person at their perfect place, and they're going to check all of our boxes. And so how can you put yourself in different places where you might meet the person that you want to be with? And so with friendships, maybe you find yourself like, okay, I feel like I've maxed out the possibilities of people at work and I'm not really vibing with them. And maybe you go to a gym and you've maxed out possibilities there. Well, great. What are some other hobbies? Could you book a pottery class, a painting class, go to a museum? What are some of your own interests that you can step away from those things you already do to meet new people? And absolutely just chatting with others. I told Nick the other day, I went to a hot Pilates class, and at the end of it, this girl came up to me. She's like, oh, I love your set. It's from Alo, right? And I was like, yeah. And so we chatted for a little bit, and then afterwards I was like, oh, what's your name? And then when I asked for her name, her face lit up, and then she asked me again for my name. And so we chatted for a bit, and that's why I was like, oh, she sees me as a potential, and I see her as a potential friendship. And I loved it so much. And I have her now in my mind of next time I go to hot Pilates, I'm going to approach her first. And so just like, yeah, stepping out of your comfort zone, I think, is huge with making friends. And then also, I think sometimes we've tried to find these new places, but if you're somewhere where maybe you've connected with people via social media and you're like, oh, I feel like I would vibe with them, you just follow them on social media, but you don't see them in real life. Don't be afraid to just shoot them a DM and be like, Hey, I love that you X, Y, and Z, would love to grab coffee sometime. And that's been something that I've been more intentional about in the past 6 to 8 months is I have really clicked with some of my clients and I'm like, we could be friends in real life. I mean, we are friends in real life and you started first as my client, Alexis.

True. Yeah.

And so now it's evolved into we've met in person and we had such a great time and now we're double dating this Friday with our partners. And so what can you tap back into that maybe at some point you were like, oh, I think I would click with that person and just be the first one to approach them. So wishing you the best in making all the girly friendships in your late 20s, early 30s.

Yeah, it's so fun. I love friendship. I truly believe that it Is life-changing and having your partner and having your person, like that is a whole other thing. And like, I love my husband so much, but my girlfriends have seen the depths of my soul and so has Matt. But there's just something about like female friendship that's so beautiful and so powerful and can change the course of your day.

Mm-hmm.

Like you have like one conversation with your girlfriend. She's like, I see you, you're okay. And you're like, okay, I'm going to be okay. Just having that connection with, with your friends is so important. So love that question and sending you all, all the best energy as you build your, you know, your next friendship.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, with that, we have officially come to the end of our Ask A&A segment. We're going to be doing these quarterly and I'm so excited for them. We're just going to like kiki on these episodes and then be able to answer all of your questions. So you can always send those questions in. If you go to our Instagram and click on our link, you can submit a voice message and ask us a question, or you can submit as well on Google Forms, and we will bring that up on our next Ask A&A episode. And if you want to connect with us, you can do so on our Instagram @inbetween.pod, and you can connect with me. @astrojohannaphoto.

And you can connect with me @alexistechmiller. Thank you so much for being here. We know that there are so many podcasts out there. We appreciate you listening to ours and definitely go follow us on Instagram. We love you. All right, we'll see you next week.