The Evolution of You: Identity Shifts in Your 20s & 30s

Welcome to the In Between Podcast, a show for women navigating the space between where they are and where they want to be.

This is your go-to holistic business podcast where we dive into strategies, mindset, habits, and of course, making a meaningful income so you can live your dream life.

I'm Astrid, a multi-six-figure luxury wedding photographer and a former corporate marketing girly.

And I'm Alexis with 10+ years in tech as a senior brand partnerships manager and business coach. Think of us as your business besties cheering you on as you level up. Let's get into it.

Hello friends, and welcome back to another episode of The In Between Podcast.

This is one of your hosts, Astrid, and the other half of the pod, Alexis. And today on the podcast, we're going to be talking about the identity shifts that we feel as we grow older. So when Astrid and I were sitting down and planning out the next couple months of podcast topics, This is one that came up that we haven't talked about maybe with this lens before on the show. And we wanted to hold some space to talk about how much we shift and grow who we are. And even like who we are right now over the last 15 years or so, starting kind of in our teenage years into our college years and then into our 20s. And now we're both in our early 30s. And Things that we used to believe about ourselves, things that we used to believe about what was possible for our careers, for our relationships, and just how that has evolved over time. I also feel like this is a timely episode because I don't know about you, but every couple of months or maybe every like 6 months or so, I kind of think to myself, okay, am I becoming who I want to become? Like just those check-ins and those audits around The way I'm living my life, how I treat myself, the people in my life, my environment, and just making sure that those things really feel aligned and that I'm not just kind of going through the motions. And I think that topics like this and discussions like this can just feel really enlightening and they can feel really insightful and reflective on a lot of our individual growth. So we're going to be sharing our personal experiences, but I hope that this kind of sparks some of the questions that you might be thinking about your own journey as you are getting older. So before we dig in, let's share some quick life updates and what we're in between, and then we'll dig in. So life updates on your side, Astrid, what do you got for me?

All right. Well, life update. I am shooting my first wedding since I've been back from Europe. I'm shooting that this coming Saturday. I'm super excited for it. I am ready to just dive back into it. And yeah, just starting to finalize lots of shoots for the year, being able to take on more work as I needed has been such a privilege. And I'm reminded all the time, like, how grateful I am to be an entrepreneur because I've, as I've needed to tap into a little bit more cash in this season, that has been really nice to like tap into. So yeah, so just booking all the shoots, getting ready for wedding season to start kicking up, and just been in my walking era again. I feel like I've been a walking girly since the fall, but started a walking club. So that has been really fun. We're meeting twice a week and the girlies and I are getting our steps in.

I love that. The accountability of that too, of Going on a walk, getting in some movement, and you know that other people are going to be there. It's like harder to it's harder to cancel versus whenever you're doing it on your own.

Absolutely, absolutely. What about you?

That's awesome. Okay, in my land, let's see. It's been a really lovely mix of social work and like downtime. I would say over the last couple of days since we last recorded, at least I feel like I'm. Really trying to integrate more intentional social time with my girlfriends, time for myself while also trying to stay focused on work. It's kind of a slow-ish season and I know that it's about to get really, really busy in August into September and into the fall. So yeah, I've been working on some fun work projects. Lots of, a lot of the work that I've been doing in the background is like releasing. So, we released at Circle, the company I work for, we released our new website builder feature. And I got to work with Sid, our CEO, and our product marketing team to actually create the product video for that. It felt very Apple-esque. It was amazing. We got to film in this beautiful penthouse in New York City. And that was last month. And then to see the fruit of that come together and Our animation team and our video production team are just so amazing that you know I'm just I'm just filming, but then the way that they weave in the product graphics and all the product marketing of it was amazing. The launch was probably one of our biggest yet, so that's really exciting. And then the documentary that you've heard me hint at for the last couple of months comes out here in three weeks, and I'm so excited for that to be live. So that's been really big, and then. Some big news on the career front for me is Alexis is getting her first direct report at Circle and I'm so excited. So the, the role is for a brand experiences manager and I'm bringing on someone onto the partnerships team to help run end-to-end strategy and execution of brand events. So y'all know that I travel a ton for work. I love travel. I probably still will travel, but we really needed to bring somebody on to manage this because we're growing this part of the partnerships function for the team. And right now I'm, I'm doing a lot of different jobs and I'm doing a lot of different campaigns and I'm just responsible for quite a lot. And so then you add in travel and all the logistics of setting up a good event. It's just been a lot. So, Finally got approval, and that job posting went live yesterday. So if you are really motivated by travel, you have worked in the creator space or in the B2B SaaS space, or you're just really passionate about events and event planning and hospitality, and you want to work in tech, you want to work for you know something remote, let me know. I would love to would love to hear from you and would love to see you apply because. Really excited about the future of this role and how it'll help build out everything we're doing on the partnerships team. So very exciting.

Oh my gosh, that sounds amazing. I wish I was looking for a full-time job because that sounds so fun.

I'm really like, I feel really grateful to have a leadership team that when I brought this to them, they were like, this makes so much sense. We need this for you. And you know, that discussion happened last month and now here we are with With it posted, and we've got our our hiring plan in in in the queue, and it's been off to the races. So that's been really amazing and excited to have that experience. I've hired before, and I've been on hiring teams, but this is my first direct report in this capacity. So I'm really looking forward to stepping into more leadership opportunities and just being a good manager, being an empowering manager. So. I'm excited. It should be really fun.

That's such a big milestone, babe. I'm so proud of you. You're going to be an amazing boss, an amazing leader. Um, they're literally going to be the luckiest to have you. And it's honestly like you're reaping everything that you have been sowing this entire time, working endlessly. And I just love seeing you thrive in your career so much.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Okay. What are you in between right now?

All right. Well, I am in between. Let me think which one I want to go with. Yeah, I'm in between managing my mental health right now with a lot of editing. I have noticed a pattern that my mental health will decline a bit when I have heavy weeks of just pure editing. And mostly that's because I am sitting for 8 to 12 hour days, just like cranking weddings out in the dark because I need to get that consistent light. And I really do feel like that lack of vitamin D and movement and just stimulating my brain in different ways throughout the day, like I normally do with a workday, it's missing. And so I am in between figuring out like, okay, how can I restructure these work weeks that While it's been great for output, it's not great for my mental health. So how can I maybe have half editing days and then like half everything else rather than like one whole editing day and one whole admin or marketing day, um, just to be able to move around a little bit more. But yeah, in full transparency, it's just interesting how having no movement, sitting in a couch editing for hours on end makes me feel groggy and Just like not the best version of myself. I'm snacking a whole ton too because I get like stressed about the gallery. And so then I'll go and eat. And so yeah, I feel like I'm giving myself the grace that I need right now. And it's just like learning something new about myself, but also realizing how can I pivot this before full wedding season really kicks in. And so yeah, I'm going to test it out, switch up the calendar, and I will report back.

Good for you for noticing it and also recognizing that you can change up the system. Like you're realizing that a whole day or multiple days in a row of doing that is not good for your mental health. So sometimes it's just like experiencing it. And also it's seasonal, like experiencing it in this season, in the summertime where you're like, I don't want to be in my editing cave with the Blinds drawn and in in the house for ten hours a day. So, I'm proud of you, and I hope that it gets better and that you try some different things that feel a little bit more you know sustainable for you.

Thank you, love. Thank you. What are you currently in between?

Ah, well, similarly, I feel like I don't know if I've talked about this yet on on the pod, but when I came back from I think I did a little bit, but when I came back from Europe, I wasn't just coming back from like a 3, 4-week trip. I feel like it was the end of like a 3-month sprint of a lot of travel and a lot of campaigns for work and a lot of things going on personally and personal travel that I got home and I kind of sunk into this like numbness of, there was so much going on. There was like, All this amazing, like amazing life experiences, amazing things happening at my job. Like I just kept hitting these different milestones and all these amazing things were unfolding. And then it's like I got home and I was able to process a lot of it and I just felt very overwhelmed and very burnt out, which then caused me to feel numb. And I was talking to ChatGPT, which I know is not a therapist. Okay. I know that's not a therapist, but I was just trying to like talk through how I was feeling. And, and I am in therapy, by the way, but I was like, in that moment, I was like, why do I feel numb? I don't understand where this numbness is coming from. I've just come off this big high of life for the last several months. And I just, I don't know how to process how numb I feel. And they were like, well, they— ChatGPT was like, numbness can sometimes be a symptom of just you're overwhelmed. And so you're just protecting yourself because you've got a lot going on and you're coming off of that season. And so maybe you have things you need to wrap up, you have decisions you need to make, and you're just feeling kind of numb because you've been living these high, like highlight days and months for so long. And now you're in this overwhelmed state. And so that has kind of helped me. And I was chatting with ChatGPT of like, well, What about, what about my creativity? Like, I want to grow the coaching business. I want to take on a few more clients. I want to launch this and I want to take social media more seriously. And I was like, I have this like desire to do these things, but when it comes to taking action, I just, all I want to do is lie down. And ChatGPT was like, just take a couple of weeks to just give yourself some space. Like you don't need to produce all the time. You don't need to be productive all the time. And maybe the best thing that you can do when you're in this space is just give yourself some rest, take, take your days a little slower and maybe just go through the next couple of weeks at a slower pace. And then when you're ready to add in these things that you really care about and want to do, you're doing it from this place of feeling rested and feeling abundant and feeling like you're more in control. Than trying to create from this place of like, you're already numb. So how are you going to create your best work when you're like burnt out? So that was really helpful to talk through that with ChatGPT and process that. And now we— I'm in week 4 of being home and I genuinely Sunday, Monday, I like told Matthew, I was like, I feel different. And he's like, yeah. I mean, maybe it's because you took 3 weeks to just literally chill and not do anything. Not, not do anything, but like you weren't actively trying to create anything new. You were just focused on getting your work done and honestly just resting and taking it easy and just kind of easing back into your routine. So for anyone that is struggling with like, I'm a routine person and I need my habits and I, I thrive off of these systems. But then when you're— I don't even know if it was like my nervous system or my mental health, but I was just not in a good place to even try to like get back into that. I needed to be much more gentle with myself. So I feel like I'm coming out of that season and coming out of that mindset and just overall feeling a lot more optimistic. I'm feeling very rested. I feel just happier having given myself 3 weeks of time to just allow myself to exist and not judge myself for it.

I'm so proud of you, love. I'm so proud of you because whenever we're someone that likes to go after goals and do all these habits, it can feel like we're falling behind and we're not sticking to what we said that we were going to do. But then also it's like, well, this is what my body needs right now and my mind needs right now. And I think that's such a beautiful reminder that One, we're not robots, and 2, living life in seasons. Some seasons it's like summer and you're creating and you're doing a lot of output, but winter is just as important for us to thrive as summer is for our wellbeing. And so it sounds like you were just going through your own internal system.

Winter.

Yeah, your own internal winter, restoring, hibernating. And I love to hear how happy that you are. how happy you are right now.

Thank you. Thank you. And thank you for being there. I feel like I've sent you lots of texts of like, I don't feel like I'm myself. Like, I just don't feel like I'm myself right now. And that's okay. I think it's like helpful to talk to your partner, talk to your friends and, and know that you're not alone. And, and just also it's okay to give yourself some space. Like this urgency that we feel all the time, it's, it's self-inflicted a lot of times. Yeah. And I didn't need to be putting that amount of pressure on myself at that moment in time. And now I like now I want some pressure because I'm ready for it versus putting pressure on yourself when you're not really in a good headspace. So I think that comes from knowing ourselves and knowing who we are. And so it's a very natural pivot into today's topic around the identity shift of. Growing up and you know aging, getting older, and knowing who you are now, and letting go of some of the old narratives about you. I don't know about you, and I'm curious like how you experience this. But I didn't realize how much what people thought about me in high school and even college stayed with me. like deep into my 20s. And it like shaped how I thought about myself of like, and some of that was positive and some of that was negative.

Mm-hmm.

And it's still, I was allowing other people's narratives and beliefs about me or what I was capable of like impact my ability to take action or go after what I wanted. And I feel like in my 20s, I really went through this self-discovery And I'm kind of doing it now again in my early 30s around just knowing who I am and owning that and being a lot more selective on who gets to have a voice in my life and gets to speak life into me and speak encouragement into me. And it's just very interesting how much that has changed because I would just take that from anywhere.

Yeah.

I would take like input from anybody in my, in my teen years and in my early 20s. And now I'm a lot more particular on who I get my advice from, as we should be, you know? Um, so that's just one example, but yeah, I thought this would be helpful to talk about redefining who we are and just intentionally choosing what you value and what you want your life to look like.

Absolutely. I adore this topic. I think it's such a reflective point of looking back and seeing how As we are teenagers, we're influenced by so much because this is like our first glimpse of what is my personality and who am I. And we start stepping into that. And then for the next like 15 years, you're really shedding some layers, you're picking up some layers, you're deciding who you want to be. And I think that's the most powerful part about this conversation is deciding who you want to be.

Yeah.

And I think at some point in each of our journeys, We decided not to just go with what people were telling us to do or what's the right thing to do, but what do I think is the right thing to do? What do I want for my life? And I think for me, looking back at my teenage years into my 20s, I do see a big shift going from people pleasing. I want to do the right thing. What is the right thing? What career should I pursue? I don't want to make any mistakes. Tell me the guide to life because I was terrified of making a mistake.

Hmm.

To then, Actually, screw all of it. And what do I need? What do I want? And I do want to give credit where it's due. I feel like when I stepped into therapy at 23, 24, that was the main theme is, what do you want? What do you value? Is this aligned with your values? And it kind of led into this whole rediscovery of like, who really am I?

Yeah.

And I feel like from 25 now to 30, it's been, I know that if I don't have something that I want, it's my responsibility. If I want an experience, why not? Why can't that be me? I can step into that. I can have a beautiful relationship. I can travel to Europe for multiple weeks on end. I can have a business. And I really see that theme throughout my life where You also see in my 25 to 30, I quit my job, I bought a house, I traveled. I just kind of stopped caring so much about minimizing risk that actually brought me a lot of reward. And so, yeah, I love this and I hope that this encourages people to look back on their own themes, but also moving forward, how can you own your life and own your own vision for— what you want it to look like.

Yeah, I think a lot of this can start too with your values. And when you look at your teenage and college and early 20s, not always, but a lot of times our values are, are modeled to us by the folks in our proximity. So our parents, our close friends, even like, you know, our, our teachers, things like that, people in mentorship positions. And it's like, oh, I value, I value church and faith because it's what my parents value. I value voting a certain way in these types of values that map up to this political party because that's what my parents— like you model a lot of times. And it's not that you aren't thinking like an individual. You're just like, yeah, this is what I believe because this is the way I grew up. And there's nothing, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. And I think that at a certain point, you would— and even if you decide to continue down those paths and continue to live out those values, I think it's important that you choose that those are your values, not values that your parents or your partner or your friends have that you feel like, well, yeah, this is just the way I believe because this is what my friends think, or like, yeah, my partner You know, this is, this is his perspective on money. And so that's my perspective on money. And it's not molding your value set to what's easy or what's convenient. Because I will tell you that living like that is very convenient for the most part. Like you're not really rocking a lot of boats. You're not really asking a ton of questions. You're kind of just like going with the flow. And if someone— does something or says something that you might disagree with, or even just you have questions around, you're not necessarily exercising your voice in a way that I think if you do know what you believe and who you are, you will feel more comfortable being curious about that. And like, oh, I'm curious, like, you know, what, what led you to that belief? Or I'm curious, like, what do you think about XYZ? Or I actually disagree, like, let's talk about it. And I think that when you don't know your values or don't have that clarity on what it is that you believe, it can make it really difficult to not almost just fall into the norm of this is just the way that things are. And I do feel like for me, the majority of my teenage and college years were spent in that space. And even my early 20s were spent in this I grew up Christian because that's what my family valued. And I have a relationship with God because that's what they valued. And I had to learn what that looked like on my own. Like, what does my spiritual path look like?

Mm-hmm.

On my own, what do I believe? What questions do I have about the Christian faith? What do I disagree with about religion? And feeling comfortable in myself And knowing myself that I'm not, I'm no longer going to do things just because it's what I feel like I should do.

Mm-hmm.

So a perfect example of this for me is when I was going through my kind of deconstruction time of my faith in my mid to late 20s, there were times where I would still go to church, but I didn't feel comfortable taking communion. But in a church setting, when everybody's standing up and getting out of the row to go up and take communion, it was like a weird— like, I'm like, I need to honor myself. And my, my heart and soul is telling me that I am in a conflicted state, and I don't want to take communion. But this, the, the norm, and what is happening right now, and that's this, this moment, is that I'm, I'm going to look weird sitting down. What's my family going to think if I don't stand up and take communion? It's like, well, that's something that I didn't feel comfortable with at the time. And just like backing yourself.

Mm-hmm.

So whatever that looks like, whether that's your spirituality, whether that's your, um, political beliefs, whether that's your sexuality, whatever that looks like for you, but like really feeling Like you can make choices and stand on those choices because it's coming from this place of conviction, not from this place of, I'm just going to do it because it's easy and I just kind of want to blend in and I don't want to make any waves. And I know that that's hard and it can feel very uncomfortable, but it's worth it because you're like, I'm glad I backed myself. I know it was really uncomfortable and I know that my family member had questions about it. But that's okay because I only did what I was comfortable with. And I think as we get older, we owe ourselves that level of true honesty and action for what we believe instead of doing things just because we feel like we should.

Absolutely. I think that's where you really find your own voice and your own belief system is when you're able to ask yourself questions and answer them without The approval of others. And then in those situations, be able to make a decision not based off of what everybody else is doing. I even remember a season where you were sober curious and we would all go out and some of us would drink and then you wouldn't drink. And I love that because you were choosing in that period of time to not drink. And so I think that that's what is the most encouraging, or like what I would encourage people to do the most is What do you want to focus on more? What's important to you? What are those values? And continue to find that voice. And for me, I remember in 2020, I bought all those We're Not Really Stranger cards, the decks, all the questions. And part of it was because in therapy, I realized that my thoughts were not really my own. I really, really struggled with people pleasing and just I was okay doing what wasn't popular, but I wanted to do the right thing. That just weighed so heavy on me, and I was scared of not doing the right morally correct thing to do. And so these question decks helped me get to know myself. Who is Astrid? What do I value? What do I like? Take myself out on solo dates. solo trips, spend time with myself. Everybody else gets access to me. Why don't I get access to me? And so that's where I really got to know who I am and move forward in that direction. And to give everyone a little bit more of a glimpse, I went through a divorce when I was 25, and I grew up in a very religious environment, and it was very God-centered. I feel like I did develop a really healthy relationship with God during that time. And I feel like a lot of my values were formed during that time that I'm so grateful for. And at the same time, that's where that heavy feeling of like, I want to do the right thing came from. And so it was that same feeling and that same value that whenever I was experiencing that divorce and experiencing a lot of things that were out of values, I was able to realize like, okay, God, let's sit down. Is this the right thing to do or not? And I was— this is crazy, but I literally opened the Bible to a story I had never read before, and it affirmed what I knew was right, which is like, God would not back someone experiencing abuse in a relationship and say you have to stay in it forever. And it was such a pivotal moment in my life because Early 20s Astrid would've seen someone in divorce and probably thought like, they didn't fight hard enough, they didn't pray hard enough, they didn't like do enough. But like mid-20s Astrid and Ahn knows that it takes 2 people and 2 people that are making their own choices. And it can start from a very beautiful place, but like people make their own decisions and they choose to walk away from that marriage, then like that is not your responsibility. And so—

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

So that really led for me to rediscover myself and also completely shed that people-pleasing side because I had to do the most non-popular— not the most, but one of the most non-popular things as a Christian. And I had to stand by it and be like, I know this is what's right for me. And if you don't agree with it, that's going to be okay. I'm going to be okay. So I'm really grateful for the leadership that I had at that time and the guidance that I had. Because that has become a true north for me of being able to make hard decisions knowing this is what is right for me and my life. And if it's not right for you, you get to choose your own life. And I think that has been a big difference in my 20s.

That's beautiful. And I love when you share that story too, because it just speaks to how open your heart and mind were for hearing yourself. Like, you were like open to hearing what God had for you. And you were also open to really learning about what Astrid wanted and what you knew was right for you, what was your path, even if that looked different. And someone else thought you should do something else. It's like, almost like, I don't even care anymore what, what anybody thinks I should do besides, in your case, feeling very aligned with God in the decision, and then feeling very aligned with yourself and like fully backing your decision and knowing. And I'm— it's interesting that you brought up the like early 20s, you would have judged you in a way. And now you're like, now I know all of this. And it's like, I think that's a big part too, is the judgment in that I experienced in my Teen years, college, early 20s of like, I just felt like a very righteous person. And I think that was rooted in a lot of religion, not really faith or spirituality, but like in religion of like, this is what you should do. This is right. This is wrong. And now I, I feel like I have really grown to one, not judge myself so harshly. But also not judge others. That's not my job. That is literally not my responsibility. And while I am mindful of the types of people I want in my life, AKA kind, open-minded, generous, like, just like lovely human beings, I also feel like I have opened up my heart and mind to a lot more walks of life. And learning about people's experiences. And even around, like, I'm going to be vulnerable, even around, like, poverty. Like, I think growing up and seeing poverty, the narrative was like, what did they do to get themselves there? And now in the city, it's like the softness I have towards people that are experiencing homelessness or drug addiction on the streets. Is completely different. And it's like, because my, my heart and my belief around— they're human beings. And it's like, why at, you know, 18 am I being like, what decisions did they make to put themselves there? It's like, that's not my business. Can I, can I love them? Can I pray for them? Can I give them some money? Can I ask them how their day is? Can I treat them like a human being? Like, just not judging people so harshly based on appearances or based on— differences as well. And I think that's been really freeing to myself because I just feel like a lot less of a harsh person. And I don't feel as like, this is, this is like the way.

Mm-hmm.

And I think that righteousness that sometimes comes with religion can block us from experiencing true connection with other people. Because we're too busy judging them. And so that was a big reason, like, I had to go through some of my deconstruction with my faith was like, I don't like this. Like, I don't like this tendency that I've learned. And this is my choice. I have to decide like what I want to do. I'm not blaming it on the church, but it is sometimes a symptom of, of religion. And so it's like looking at, okay, how do I want to treat people? And, and how do I want to love on people? And I also think that another piece of this has been, for you, I know it was people pleasing. And for me, it manifested as trying to impress other people. So it was like, it wasn't about like making them happy or like pleasing them. It was like, can I impress people with what I've done or what I'm doing in my career or whatever, whatever. And I, that was a big shift in my 20s into my early 30s. Where now I'm like, the only person I'm trying to impress is myself. And like, it's just so much more freeing to not worry about, is Astrid impressed of like what I did at work? It's like, I don't know. I mean, I love you and it'd be— I mean, you're so encouraging, but I'm not thinking of that in my friendship. Whereas before, I feel like that was a thought a lot of like when I'm meeting a new person, I'm like, What do they think about me? Are they impressed? And it's this ego that had to die. And I don't think all ego is bad ego, but I just had this ego that was so big and cared so much about impressing other people with travel or with career stuff that it really got in the way of my authenticity. And now I feel like I get to show up in my friendships and in my relationships So much more vulnerable and so much more open because I'm not worried about like, oh, I can't tell her that because then she's gonna not be like as impressed with me.

Yes, yes. No, I, I like love hearing all the changes that you've made. And I also think it's beautiful to hear back on like our journeys. And I think both of our healing journeys kind of overlapped around like 2020. And so we both—

Big time.

Before and after we met, when we were down in the dumps, we literally, we met trenches, baby girl.

We met in the trenches.

And we've risen together. But I love hearing how much more lightness there is in our tone, in our life, in our approach, because we've shed all these layers of like, what do people think? Are you gonna like me? Are all the, the what-ifs. And I think that's something that people maybe don't talk about as often, is just how much lighter and peaceful life feels when you're truly at peace with yourself and your choices. And I think that's what comes from this. And sometimes the self-development world, I think, can focus so much on what's right to have your business thrive, to grow in your career, to get all the habits and movement. But what do you want? What actually aligns with you?

Yeah.

And I think that's the piece that really— and the confidence that comes with that is Can you stay true to yourself? Can you keep promises to yourself? What do you really want in life? And I think that's really what helped me in the later part of my 20s was thinking of future Astrid and what would she regret not doing and what would she have wished that I would've done. And part of that was quitting my full-time job. Part of that was traveling. Part of that was buying a house. I was so scared when I bought this house and it's been one of the biggest blessings ever. I was so scared when I quit my job. I cried so many times because I thought I was going to fail and it's been such a blessing. And so I think that's also the beautiful part of owning our own decisions and our own wants and needs is your true self is behind that. And so I think that whenever we have a desire towards something, Let's lean into it and get curious with it because it might be there for a reason, whether it's a career shift, a new business idea, a relationship, a move. If it's been irking at you and knocking at your door, that's your future self. And so I know that you've grown a lot in your confidence journey. Can you share a little bit more how that has shifted through the years?

Yeah, I think it's the source of my confidence has changed. And I think my confidence came a lot in what other people thought and said about me and my accomplishments. And now it comes from knowing who I am and being kindly unapologetic. Like, I think sometimes when people are like, I'm going to be unapologetic, I think sometimes that can translate into like, I'm going to do and say whatever I want, but I don't care. That's definitely not what I mean here. But I think for me, it's like, I deserve to take up space. I deserve to voice my opinion. I deserve to handle conflict with kindness and respect. And I deserve that back. I deserve to speak up for myself and go after what I want in my career. I deserve a healthy relationship where we both trust and love each other and and back each other and and want the best for each other. I deserve good girlfriends that don't talk shit about each other and don't gossip or subtly neg on each other. Like I deserve positive, fun, amazing female friendships. And it's like when I got to the place where I really started to believe. Everything I just said, so much changed for me because because I believed it, I started taking action in it, and then my life has completely shifted in five years because honestly, in the last like four or five years because of that, and now when amazing things do happen, it's like yeah. I like totally have. And I'm not— it's not that I'm not grateful for it, but it's like there's a piece of me that knew that this was always possible. And any, any confirmation or evidence of me being on the right path for myself, that's amazing. But I no longer find my sense of worth or confidence in what I can achieve or how much someone likes me or is impressed by me. Like, I, I am the only person that I am trying to, as I mentioned earlier, impress. And I think that has really shifted the depth of my confidence and like really having this foundational peace and knowing of, of who I am. You have also really shifted your confidence in the last 5, 6 years as well. What has that journey been like for you? You've always— and I've only known you for 5 years, which is crazy because it feels like— I've known you for a lifetime, baby. But really deeply only known you since 2020. But even watching your confidence journey has been so beautiful to witness and the space you take up and the clothes you wear. And so I want to hear, what that's been like for you.

Yeah. I think this is one of my favorite topics to talk about now in my 30s because I think we can be so hard on ourselves in our early 20s and even until your late 20s. But I think I got to a place where I just felt so grateful to have a second chance at life, have a second chance to live, have a second chance to be myself. And I think when you experience such disappointment and disrespect, I decided I was going to give myself the love I deserved because I didn't once get it. And I think that it started from a place of healing and it led to a genuine relationship with myself. And I think that's the most beautiful thing that we can have is like, can you have your own back? Can you trust yourself? And I would say I shifted from feeling like I had to have a million plans and backup plans and have it all figured out to, hey, I can be proactive, but at the same time, I can just trust myself. And what if life surprises me in the best way possible? And just let life happen and just let things be. And there's going to be so many beautiful and great surprises. And there has been. And so I think whenever we Let go of control, I think would be the theme for me, and just really get to know myself and know I will be able to handle any situation that comes my way, no matter how hard it is. I will figure it out because I have in the past and I will in the future. That has been the best blessing. And so yeah, my early 20s were really, really hard, and I think it really built this solid muscle of I've got my back. I can get through anything. And I'm grateful to have that so early in life. And now I can do all these things. And it's not even accomplishments of doing all these things, but just small things like giving myself the life that I want. What do I want my everyday to look like? What do I want my relationships with my family to look like? It's ownership of life.

Yeah.

And I think having that ownership and executing on it has really leveled up my confidence, even with how do I want to dress? And not from an aesthetics perspective, but a creative perspective. I want to express myself. What sounds fun? What sounds great? And so I feel like that has really filled my life with beautiful feelings and fulfillment. And how do I want to decorate my space? And so I think having ownership of your life is very directly correlated with building confidence in yourself.

Yeah. I love this. And I, it's so cool to hear like how much that has just morphed in the last 5 years for you. You also mentioned like the extreme ownership piece and you get to own your part of a relationship with your family specifically. And that was something I had in my notes to bring up as well, like my relationship with My immediate family from teen into early 20s was actually quite tumultuous. And it's like there was this, this deep closeness and love for each other, but the ability to be vulnerable, the ability to like maybe be seen or heard, it was just like this struggle, kind of this push-pull. And I feel like when I got into my late 20s and into my early 30s, Especially like, honestly, post-marriage in a way, like post-marriage, but maybe the last 3 years in particular. I feel like both of my parents and I have worked to accept each other for who we are. And that is something back to the judgment piece. Like, I, even through this conversation, I'm realizing what a role judgment played negatively in my life, I would be judging them for not being who I thought they should be. And, and then feeling judged, or being, being worried that I was going to be judged. And so then I would just move and show up differently because I was anxious about being judged. And so that blocked us from having a true connection. Because I was not accepting them for who they were 100%, and I didn't feel accepted. And I think when we both worked to get to this point of like unconditional love and respect for each other, even though we are different, and even though we still sometimes bump up into that, like we still bump into each other sometimes, but there's this like— Love there and there's this acceptance there. And I feel really grateful to have gotten to this point with my parents and my brother as well, to just not have any— like, it just feels free. It feels lighter. The relationships don't feel heavy. And I think there's been a lot of work and forgiveness there. But that's a big piece of like, when you think about who you are. Your family plays a really big role in the narratives that you believe about yourself. Even the things that are unsaid, and even the things that you think, I think they think this about me, therefore it's true, even though it's never been confirmed. I let so many, like, false beliefs get in the way of having a real relationship with my family because of what I thought they thought about me. And none of it was even true. And it's like I let so much time and judgment and fear like rob me of having a better relationship with them. And a lot of it was in my head. Some of it wasn't. And like we needed to work through that. But I think that when you look at your own family, how does that impact how you feel about yourself? How does that impact what you believe to be true about yourself? And those intricacies in the relationships of them, you know, how they can impact the way that we move through life and they impact who we marry and they impact, you know, our friendships and they just, they impact things. And can it, can it be a positive impact? Can it be a neutral impact? And if it is something that's negatively impacting you, where in the situation can you invite yourself to take some ownership? And where in the situation do you need to let things go and they need to be forgiven on whoever's side or just let go? And then what conversations do you need to have with your family to be able to feel like you can take a step towards more freedom and more lightheartedness with, with your family so that maybe you can even just have a neutral relationship with them? I think sometimes it's not always about reconciliation. It's about Can we get to this neutral place where we both respect each other? And then I think from there, a deeper relationship can be built. So that's been like a very— there's been a lot of repair and a lot of work that I've had to do internally around those relationships. And now, like, I call my mom every day. And, you know, me 6 years ago, Me 4 years ago was not doing that because of the relationship that we've worked to have with each other now. And it's been really beautiful. So yeah, it's interesting to like watch that evolution. And I know you've had similar things with your family as well, just the way that that evolves over time and the goal of like feeling just free around your family.

Yeah, absolutely. Thank you for sharing that. I think that's such a beautiful story of how we can take ownership of our own side of the story, but also how hard it is in your 20s to navigate what you're growing into, but also what you're growing out of that your family has known you for.

Yeah.

And I think that was a hard part for me is I felt boxed in at one period of time of like, this is who Astrid is in my parents' definition of it. And I had to truly speak up for myself and be like, hey, actually, I would prefer if you didn't call me a perfectionist because I'm working through that. I'm working through letting things go and just letting life happen. And I don't want to be boxed into this version of myself.

Yeah.

And so those can all be very hard conversations to have with our families. But one is the side of like, What are you requesting and how are you owning it? And how are you bringing things to the table that maybe hurt you at one point? And then on the other side, how do we just let it go like you mentioned? And to be fair, I feel like— so I'm the youngest of 4. I feel like I'm experiencing the benefit of a lot of those hard conversations that my older siblings had with my parents because I love the quote that says, this is your first your parents' first time experiencing life as well.

Yeah.

And so I think my parents have learned how to be adult parents to adult children because of my older siblings, and I've benefited from that. But I've heard the struggles of those conversations and them not getting it and then navigating that. And it's hard for them and it's hard for us. And it's like a second round of teenage years. But yeah, at the end of the day, it's like, okay, how can you choose who you want to be, communicate that? Because if you don't know where you stand, how can they possibly respect something that isn't even there?

Right.

And so, yeah. So I think that is so important in our 20s. And as we wrap up this conversation of our shifts throughout the years, is there any advice that you would give to someone that is maybe struggling right now with growing through some of these, these pains?

Yeah, I would just encourage you to be gentle with yourself. I know when you're in the middle of figuring out who you are, or maybe you're repairing or reconstructing certain areas of your life, it can feel really heavy. And there can even feel a sense of urgency around it. And just know that you have time. And you can give things some space and you don't have to make it all happen at one time. You don't have to heal every part of your life simultaneously. You can take it brick by brick, puzzle piece by puzzle piece, and just give yourself grace as you're walking through this. Because I think when I was going through this a couple of years ago, I found myself really hard on myself. Like, I think when you're doing personal development and healing work, you are doing a lot of reflection. And sometimes you can look at yourself only through the eyes of a critic, and you can become very self-critical. And so I would just encourage you to remind yourself of your power and all the amazing qualities that you have and the values that you have. And knowing that even if there are areas of your life that you didn't quite get the Right, or the way that you wanted to, that that's okay and we don't have to judge ourselves for our past. We can really just try to take accountability and focus on building a better life for ourselves moving forward. So, that's my piece of advice. I wish that someone would have told me that 4-ish years ago because I was just really, really hard on myself and it really negatively impacted my mental health. So just be gentle with yourself and take it at a pace that feels kind and sustainable. And I'm rooting for you. And I think doing this work and knowing who you are and discovering these parts of yourself is truly the most rich life that you can ever live. And so I think we talk a lot about money and growing businesses and your career and all that. When you talk about true enrichment, it's this stuff right here is when you really dig in and you know who you are and you back yourself in that way. What about you? Any advice you would give?

Yes. So beautifully said. I think to that, I would just add, if you have the resources, invest in coaches or therapists that can really help you figure out these big feelings and thoughts because I discovered some of the things that I thought I really wanted in life were actually just rooted in things that I wanted my parents to be proud of. And at the end of the day, my parents just wanted me to be happy and choose whatever I wanted. And so they were okay either way. So I think that a professional can just really help ask those questions that you need to navigate and discover who you are. And if you don't have those resources, There's lots of amazing resources online with questions, with direction, even therapists that go online and have online presence that you can learn from. And then at the end of the day, I think too is just have fun with the process of getting to know yourself. Romanticize it. You are a beautiful human being that deserves all the love, all the time and attention. So prioritizing that for you, whatever that ends up looking like, But I think that the relationship with yourself is one of the most important that you can have in this lifetime. So I send you all my love. This has been such a great episode. I miss chatting like this on the pod.

I know we're weaving back in some personal development and I like it, a little bit sprinkling in some personal development into the business because so much of this does impact the way that we build our careers and the way that we build our businesses. So thank you so much for being here, for listening. Thank you for being part of our community. Um, if you are in the Effingham area, Astrid and I are hosting, oh, like a little walk and talk on Friday, August 1st. We'll be posting. It's going to be in the morning and we'll be posting details on our Instagram, the In Between Pod Instagram. So keep an eye out for that. You can follow us at inbetween.pod. And if you're in the Effingham area, I would love to see you when I'm home. So come join us on our walk. We'll get some coffee at Joe Sips and then we'll go on a little walk and I can't wait. And if you want to connect with me personally, you can do that at Alexis Teichmiller.

And you can connect with me at Astra Johanna Photo. We love you guys and we'll catch you next time.