Ask A&A: Imposter Syndrome, Boundaries, and Attachment Styles

Welcome to The In Between Podcast. I'm Astrid.

And I'm Alexis. Join us as we explore the messy yet beautiful in-between seasons of life.

We'll discuss business, relationships, wellness, and everything in between to help you become the highest version of yourself.

Let's dive in.

Hello friends, and welcome back to another episode of The In Between Podcast. This is one of your hosts, Astrid.

And the other half, Alexis. We are back with another Ask A and A advice column episode. We're going to be talking through imposter syndrome, relationships. We've even got some like new job, self-security. Like we're so excited to talk through all the questions that you guys have submitted to us. And I feel like we should just be honest. Um, October has been hitting me really hard. I'm not going to speak for Astrid, but I feel like in the vein of transparency, like it's always cool to have people come to us and ask us for advice. And at the same time, I just want to voice that I am so imperfect and am going through it in my own ways. And so if you're going through it, just know that like These are your 2 sister best friends in your ear giving you advice who are also going through their own stuff and who are also on their own journey. We are not perfect and we have not mastered life. So we are in the messy middle. We are in the in-between with you. So I just want to intro us there. That's how we're doing.

We're starting on that note because that's what this podcast is all about. If we can't be honest here, then what are we doing? And you all have allowed us to be so vulnerable and transparent through the years that we've been on here. And I also think October is just such a crazy time for all of us. So if you are feeling it and you're like, my mental health is tanking, there are so many things on my to-do list, I feel the anxiety piling up, my habits are lacking— like, if you're feeling any of that, We're right there with you and just here to remind you that this too shall pass. And this is what I needed to hear last night. And also to give yourself grace in this season. Like, if you're needing a second, if you're needing to let a few balls drop that aren't essential, and just focus on the ones that you absolutely need to, this is your official in-between permission because this is what I needed to hear.

Yeah, agreed. Thank you for that. I will sign my name on the permission slip to allow some balls to drop. I just think that, gosh, there's just so much to do and create. And yeah, I feel like I'm in a season of overwhelm and a little bit of work anxiety, life anxiety. The big thing for me is I just— 2 things that have really surfaced through some journaling practice and just self-reflection over the last 7 days is I want everything to be exceptional. And not perfectionism, because I don't believe that everything's going to be perfect. But I want to be so prepared and so ready for whatever comes my way. And I want things to be like just exceptional. And the pressure that that creates is It can sometimes be a little unbearable, and then at the same time, on the exceptional side, I feel like I don't want to disappoint anybody. So like those two things together of like trying to always be exceptional while also making sure I'm not disappointing anybody is just a lot. And I yeah, I feel very like wanting to always do the right thing, show up the right way, and. And then on top of that, you want me to create content? Good God. Like, I just feel like it's been an interesting— there's so many good things are happening, and then it's like managing the good, if that makes sense. Like, doing things I've always wanted to do, creating things and working on projects I've always wanted to work on. And then it's like managing the mindset stuff of all of that.

Yeah.

And how genuinely busy. I'm not just being busy for busy's sake. It's like there's so much to do. So it's just trying to make mental space for all of it and give myself a ton of grace. But I low-key think that I've been trying to toxic positivity my way through.

Mm-hmm.

And I think it's caught up with me. I think I've just been like, I'm so grateful. And I just feel so happy. And yes, some of that is very true. But I also think I have not really acknowledged how hard some of this has actually been. And that's okay. It can just be hard. It doesn't have to be that deep. It doesn't mean I'm bad at it. It also doesn't mean that I don't deserve it. It's just kind of hard right now. Wow.

I love that. What was the sign that you felt you're like, okay, this is toxic positivity and not quite aligning with me anymore?

I think I was noticing it in like how I was showing up with other people, like people I'm close with being like, how are you doing? I'm like, I'm good. It's just like such a big week and I'm so grateful. And I'm like, okay, can we just freaking be real for a second? Like, yes, all of that can be true. And I mean, this is the podcast of the dichotomy. Like we can hold space for 2 things at one time.

Yeah.

And I think I've been leaning heavily on like the things being so great and grateful that I haven't acknowledged that it's just been kind of a hard season at the same time. And that's okay too. What about you?

Yeah, massive retweet on that one. I feel like one of my survival mechanisms, which isn't necessarily bad, it served me really well, is that I will turn my emotions off and turn my game face on when I need to. I could have been crying 2 hours before your session or wedding. And then I show up, I— you would think that I am the happiest person alive.

Totally.

And so I totally relate to what you were sharing because whenever I realized that I felt so exhausted by myself, but when I was getting ready to see other people, I was like, okay, it's like that deep breath of like, okay, gotta reel it in. It's like, I shouldn't have to reel it in with my people. And in full transparency, I caught that thought today prepping for my calendar and knowing that we had the podcast. And I was like, okay, I have to get ready and do all that. And I stopped myself and I was like, actually, no, I don't. I'm not feeling the best. I'm just going to do the best that I can today. And if you're watching this, I look very comfortable and basically no makeup. My hair's pulled back, sweatshirt kind of vibes. But that's what it's all about. It's like catching our patterns in this season and releasing— I needed to release the pressure that I need to show up as a 10 out of 10 every time, or try to be, and be like, okay, I just want to be authentic and not— yeah, I don't need to stress about things that don't need to be stressed about.

Totally.

And so I relate to that as well. And even just having a lot of projects colliding all at once right now. Like, my website is basically 98% done, and the team has been waiting on me to like wrap it up. But at the same time, I have clients waiting on their galleries, and I refuse to let that drop. So it's one of those things where I'm like, okay, like clients come first right now.

Mm-hmm.

The website can wait. And there's just a lot of other things happening at once where I'm like, I feel like I'm falling behind. And every gallery I publish and like send out, then it's in the back of my head of I need to post a sneak peek. So I need to share it and then I don't and then just crank out work and put so much pressure. But I think at the end, just realizing that it's better to take a step back and deliver a great product than it is to keep up with quote unquote marketing that may harm me or harm my customers' experience because They see me posting, but they don't have their photos type of vibe. So anyway, just processing a lot, trying to choose my battles, trying to choose the things that will help me. And honestly, just keeping small promises to myself. Like, I've been really good about keeping up with my place being clean and those things that really support my mental health.

Yeah.

Even in small ways.

I love that. I, I think keeping the promises to yourself, like the habits, the rituals, even just like we talked about this before the podcast, but like if I can do the dishes before I go to bed so that way I walk down and the sink is empty, I'm like, okay, all right, past me, I see you doing the dishes. Like it's the small little things that are building up that sense of self-care really.

Yeah.

Um, so with that, I mean, I feel like that's my in-between is just navigating an overwhelming season of a lot of great things and dealing with my exhaustion as well. And, you know, I, I'm very cautious about burnout and I can feel when burnout is coming. Um, and I, I do feel a little crispy at my edges, to be honest with you. Um, so I'm, I'm. I have some things on my calendar to look forward to. I have some PTO coming up that I'm very excited about. Matthew and I are going to Northern California for our 5-year wedding anniversary. And then the following weekend, I get to go to Chicago and spend the whole weekend with you. And I'm like, I think about it every day.

I'm literally so excited.

So I have some good things to look forward to. And like, I truly live to be with my people and like have fun. I just want to freaking have a good time. And I think that when I'm so stressed, I'm like, we are not living our best life because we just want to have fun. We're not having fun right now. I understand that not all of life is going to be fun, but I need to have good, good things to look forward to. And those are coming up for me. So I feel okay.

I'm proud of you. I think that's definitely a good way to balance it out is having things things to look forward to, and you're like, okay, I just gotta put my head down and it'll all be okay. Um, yeah, I definitely feel like that's my in-between. And, and at the same time, I would just add, I'm gonna try to be more mindful next year of how many initiatives I take all at once. And something that happened to me for this fall was, on top of regular workload, I decided to rebrand and like Finalize the website. And then on top of that, I started a coaching, like a trauma coaching. And receiving that has been quite a bit— it requires a lot of processing. So yeah, just trying to be mindful of that. Oh shoot, I'm so sorry.

Can you hear? Can you see me?

Uh, you froze for a bit. Is it like trying to reconnect? It's— I think— okay, okay, I think I'm back.

Okay, I'm so sorry.

It's okay, okay, don't worry about it.

So you were talking about how next year you want to be more mindful of how many initiatives you take on at one time. And that's where the audio cut for me.

Okay.

Yeah. Yeah, just because I've realized that for this year, I had my workload on top of a rebrand, on top of— I started on my personal side with a trauma-informed coach. And it's been a lot of deep emotional work that physically makes you really exhausted afterwards and you need to recoup. And there's a lot of things you realize about yourself that you're like, oh my gosh, my inner child needs to be tended to. And things are just a little bit more tender. So when you mix that emotional part and that healing with stress, I've caught myself being more snippy and just a lot more sensitive to things around me because things are, you know, it's like prickly. So that is definitely something for me to learn. But right now I'm navigating that in between. And at the same time, I'm proud of myself who chose to take action on a lot of things that I needed to take action on. And I feel like I'll wrap up the year on a very great note. Like, I feel so proud of myself that I did those things.

Yeah, you truly had— like, I'm reflecting on your behalf, but your year, like year 2024, I think you're going to look back on it forever and it's like going to be filled with so much transformation and like dreams coming true and, and realizations and healing. So yeah, but it is a lot at once, like especially the trauma work. It takes a very tough, I think, physical toll. So the fact that you're doing all that at once, like you're my superhero. I love you so much.

I love you. Um, okay, well let's move on to our questions. So I am so excited for this. episode. We started to implement the Ask Ana whenever we started the new season of the podcast earlier this summer. And we've been getting submissions both via audio messages and voice messages, which is so fun because we have— it feels like we're just talking to our besties. Like, we send each other voice messages all the time, and now we get to hear from you. So we'll start with that, and then we will answer the questions that we also received just in written format.

Amazing. I am excited to answer this question, so I'm going to play it right now.

Hi gals, Brittany here. Um, I wanted to ask you both how you deal with imposter syndrome, uh, particularly in your businesses. Um, I think those 2 words get thrown around a lot. I think we hear them a lot on the internet, but I think that that's also because that's such a commonality, um, with everybody. I think everybody has dealt with or is dealing with feelings of imposter syndrome. Especially those of us solopreneurs trying to navigate the business world on our own. So do you have any rituals or anything that you do when you're feeling that way? I'm wanting to create new beliefs around the feeling because I know if I don't truly believe that I'm worthy of, for example, charging what I know that I should be charging for my work, I won't attract people who are willing to pay it. So any insights or anything out of the box that you guys might do when you're feeling that way would be very helpful. Thank you in advance for your insights.

I love it. Do you want to go first?

Yes, I can. Such a great question. Um, there are definitely a few rituals that I've practiced that have helped me through this. And I'm on my 7th year, almost 7th year in business. And I feel like especially my first 3 years, I really, really struggled with imposter syndrome and still do, but maybe not as heavy. And so something that really helped me was coming up with basically what is the truth about me and my business and the product that I offer. And I wrote it down in my Notes app. And so every time that I was going to a session, since I'm a photographer, on my way there, I would read it. I would say that out loud. I would sound like a crazy lady, but like I'm driving and I'm saying, okay, these clients have trusted me. I am gifted. I am so creative. I'm not going to be thinking through the poses. I'm going to be really, really present with them and observe like, who are they together? I can do that. And that would help to reframe and bring my mind down to and anchor me to who I am as a creator. So I'm not sure what business our listener might be in, but what are some things that can help anchor you and are true about your product? Or your service. And repeat that to yourself, because the power of the mind, I think, is the loudest in shutting down imposter syndrome. So that would be one. And then 2, I would say, for me, imposter syndrome ebbs and flows. And I think in those seasons where it's a little bit louder, setting up some boundaries around social media, around things that might question you as an artist. And I have muted some creators that I follow and photographers in those seasons where it might make me think, is my editing okay? Is it not? If it doesn't feel productive, then I mute it for that season. So those would be like my top 2 tips for that.

I love that. This is actually my client, Brittany. Hey girl, love that you shared a voice note with us. I think that's great advice. I love the affirmations. I know that's something that has worked for you a lot, and I know that other people have have like tested that and it works. It's like reconnecting with your identity. I would say that imposter syndrome also indicates that you are growing and that you feel a little bit uncomfortable. And so, an aspect of imposter syndrome is actually a guide telling you that, hey, we're growing right now. We're doing something. We're stretching. We are feeling our way through something new in a way. And so there's a level of grace that you give yourself for that. So I think it can be a positive indicator instead of like, oh, I have imposter syndrome, therefore I shouldn't. Where it's like, oh, I'm having some imposter syndrome. Interesting. I'm growing. I'm stretching. Who am I becoming? And how can that be exciting? It's an interesting mindset shift. I also think that a way to combat imposter syndrome is through action. Empowered action, because I think the best way to overcome it is to look at data in your past. And so, similar to Astrid driving to a session and saying those affirmations, that's preparation. She's preparing her mind. How can you prepare for that conversation with a client around pricing? How can you so that you know you want to charge what you're worth? Can you go back and look at successful campaigns you've done with past clients? Can you go back and look at data? And say I was able to do X for X client and start to build that confidence bank up and saying, okay, I can reflect on what I've done and where I've been. And so I want to walk into this mentally prepared, but also want to have notes. So if they ask me about my pricing, I can say, you know, I've been able to get X results. So that way you are prepared for maybe some of those unknowns. But yeah, those are some, some helpful things that have helped me slash I have imposter syndrome as well from time to time. And I have to remind myself of where I've been and I am perfectly positioned to succeed because of my past. And instead of it's like, oh, I'm doing something new. I guess I should just like, I'm either going to suck at it, which might be true. And maybe, maybe normalize that. Like, it's okay if you're not going to be good at it at the first time. Um, but keep trying. So those are some of the things that come to mind for me. Off the top of my head.

I love that. I love the idea of looking at imposter syndrome as not something that is fully negative, but more of an indication. And I think too, like lowering the stakes of will you get it right or lowering, or like, are you going to get it wrong? And like you said, just trying things and doing it on a positive spin. And so for, for like in my case, I have been messing around a lot with like flash photography in the daytime for some of my clients. And right away I just tell them, hey, I'm just trying this new thing. I don't know if it's gonna work, but let's have fun together. Let's see if it works. And then we like do, do the shot and I'm like, oh my God, look, it looks so good. Or, okay, never mind, we'll try something different next time. But clients feel excited to try something new. So rather than like, oh my gosh, if I try something new and it fails and they're gonna think that I'm not good enough, um, how can you continue that positive spin into the process as well? So yeah. Love those tips.

Love, love, love. I also just, I love these kinds of episodes. Okay. The next 2 are, or actually the next several are written. So, um, I will read this one and you can read the next one. So question, we all have unique viewpoints. Oh, sorry. We all have a unique viewpoint that can be reflected in our fashion choices, how we decorate our homes, how we take a photo, how we show up in our relationships and what we like to do in our spare time. I like to think of that as our inward world manifested in our outward world, bringing to life our unique personalities. I love this so much. So the question is, what is your process for executing your unique viewpoint and/or visions, and how do you block out outside influences? So I would say for executing my view or executing my vision, I think that there needs to be a level of reflection to know what the vision is. And so, how well do you know yourself? How often are you sitting with yourself, reflecting, asking yourself, what is it that I want? How do I want to feel? What feelings are attached with the life I'm trying to build, this goal? Is it— maybe some of it's metric-based, but maybe some of it's feeling-based. And so in order for me to execute my vision, I need to have some level of clarity and intuition on what it is that I'm trying to build. I think that starts with spending some time by yourself. And then I would say not taking myself too seriously helps me bring my vision to life. I want to have fun. I want to play around with my outfits. I want to take up space. And I think the best way for me to do that is to do it through a very playful energy.

Yeah.

That isn't, you know, rooted in a lot of pressure. In terms of blocking out outside influences, hmm, I was kind of similar to what Astrid mentioned with the imposter syndrome. I think knowing how susceptible I am perhaps to, I mean, am I feeling a bit more sensitive and I'm feeling a bit more self-critical? Can I mute people? Can I take some time off social media? I think that's helpful. And again, that kind of comes back to knowing yourself and blocking out those outside influences. And then in terms of relationships and people in my life who might be trying to influence my vision or influence my views, I would say that that can honestly be taken in a lot of different directions. But I would say, how can you be clear and kind? With the people in your life of, hey, I'm not really looking for input in this right now, but I'll let you know if I like want to discuss this further. Or I understand that you believe strongly about this, but that's actually not, um, a topic I really want to, you know, dive into right now, but I'll let you know if that's something that, you know, I want to discuss together. Or someone's like, you should do this, you should do this, you should do this, like really like pressuring you in one direction or another. I would just say like, hey, I'm really learning to trust my intuition right now and I really want to practice taking action on things that really feel good to me. And so I know you're trying to help and I love that, but I really want to listen to myself right now. So I'll let you know if I'm looking for advice in the future. So I think there's like ways to, to be kind, but also be very clear and like shutting those kinds of things down. That's what comes to mind for me. What about you?

Oh, I love that. I love that so much. And honestly, retweet. I think when it comes to this question, it's more about, yeah, how can you get more in tune with yourself and have fun with it? So I don't know if you've ever heard people say they might be looking through a magazine or a Pinterest or something and they're like, oh, I wish I could wear that. And it's like, well, why not? So anytime that you might find yourself like, I wish I could blank, why can't you? And so something that has really helped me too is creating a Pinterest board, a vision board of what I want my space to feel, how I want my space to feel at home, how I want to dress. Whenever I'm feeling like just in a funk and I'm gravitating towards the same outfits, then I'll look up on the season and create a new Pinterest board and be like, okay, yeah, I have pieces that I can mix and match with all of this. It doesn't mean you have to shop, but it does mean like, how are you going to feel the best in your body and your everyday life? And that is really what it's about. And that's what I've found. Like, I love waking up in the morning and liking the space that I'm in. It brings me so much peace. And if you've been listening for a while, you know that when I came back from Europe, I literally had anxiety because my space did not align with who I am and something was off, but I just browsed on Pinterest until something resonated. And I was like, okay, that's what I want. And so we went for it. So I think that would be my top recommendation is perhaps in this area, don't seek advice, create your own vision for your space. If you live with somebody, then of course invite them into that space as well. But for your fashion, have fun with it. And do the things that maybe 30 years down the road you'll be like, oh, I'm so glad I had fun with that. I'm so glad I dressed with those like fun outfits. Or I'm so glad that I switched my style. Permission to switch your style as many times as you want. And I think sometimes as we get older, we forget to play. So play with it and have fun with it as much as you want to.

I love it. I love it. And let us know. Let us know like what you're experimenting with and what works for you. I'm excited to hear it. Okay. Do you want to read the next one?

Yes. Okay. So the next one says, hi all, I have recently left my teaching job, something that many would perceive as a quote unquote secure job, to found an organization that battles educational inequality. The people around me are less than optimistic about it, to say the least. I guess I am just asking for advice on how to navigate that area of going against my family and friends, Negativity and doubts. Stay awesome.

Aw.

Well, first off, I'm so freaking proud of you for doing something that's scary and building something that's incredibly important around educational inequality and inequity. I mean, I think there's like, there's so much work to be done there. And the fact that you have the passion and the vision to make it happen is amazing. So I'm just so proud of you, and I hope that you are proud of yourself and you're celebrating this season of pivoting and doing something bigger and that has a legacy. Not that being a teacher isn't, but you know what I'm saying. So advice for navigating going against family and friends' negativity and doubts? I don't know. I have a lot of strong thoughts here. I would create Either very firm boundaries or intentional distance. I don't think that cutting people out is where we're at, but I would say very clearly communicate like, hey, this is this is my dream. This is my vision. I am working to make it happen. I would love your support, and if you can't be supportive, then I really need to surround myself with people that are going to be encouraging to me right now because I'm doing something big. Like something huge and I need people in my corner. Do you want to be in my corner? And like just leave it at that. And like if they can't be honest with you or you still feel the negativity, then I would create intentional distance in the relationship. And honestly, I would surround yourself with other nonprofit organizations. There's other nonprofit organizational like leaders. There's lots of communities online, Facebook groups, membership communities. Like, your people are out there. I would spend some time doing some research and see if you can create yourself a little mini mastermind of other nonprofit leaders, you know, other nonprofit founders, and be with people who are doing big scary things, but you're doing it with people together and you can encourage each other and you can support each other. I would say that's like my biggest piece of advice. And I'm so proud of you. That's what I would do. I would like, yeah, find people who are doing something similar and surround yourself with them as much as humanly possible. And that's going to give you a ton of energy and honestly confidence because they're like, yeah, I see you. I get you. You can do it. Whereas people who are not nonprofit founders or trying to solve big problems like educational inequality, quite frankly, We can't expect them to get our vision. We can expect them to respect us and we can expect them to be supportive and kind, but we definitely can't expect them to understand or even like wrap their head around what we're trying to build. So I would say if you can be with people that do get it, it's important.

Absolutely incredible answer. Um, retweet on that. And the only thing that I would add to this is this is your baby. And protect it and set boundaries around it. And also keep in mind that unfortunately, the people around us can tend to project their own insecurities onto what we're doing. And so perhaps our parents, our friends and family just expected something different for us, and that's for them to manage. And you can continue your path, you can continue what you're choosing. And I would say if you're having to overexplain yourself, you don't need to do that. Like, explain yourself once, and if they can't get on board with that, set the boundaries. And like Alexa said, find your people. But also give them grace that it's your parents' first time being parents and having maybe somebody take a non-traditional route. Maybe they'll come around to it later, but you're also entitled to set your own boundaries and choose your own road. So I— please reach out to us because I want to follow your journey. This is— Absolutely incredible. And thank you for that question. On the next question that we have, it says different attachment styles in relationships. How do you overcome obstacles with that?

You go first.

Oh my gosh.

Okay, this is hard. So for context, and for anyone that's new around here, I have been in a relationship for 2 years. And I would say in the last 2 years of our relationship, our attachment styles have shifted. I don't think it's so black and white. I don't think it's one person is this attachment style and the other one is an avoidant. And for anyone that doesn't know, avoidant and then secure. And what's the other one?

Anxious.

Anxious. And so, yeah, so I think the main thing would be with overcoming this is being very self-aware. And honestly, this is a layer that I'm navigating recently because I've realized that as I work through my own traumas, my anxious attachment style gets very, very triggered and my abandonment wound gets triggered. And so I'm like latching on to my partner for that support, and I have to pull myself out of that and be like, okay, no, I can give myself The things that I need for this space, and I can stay grounded in this. It's not easy, but I think overcoming this would be one, awareness. 2, reminding yourself of what is the healthy approach and like what are some things that you can do to help yourself get out of avoidance or get out of anxiousness. And third, communication. I think this is huge. Like, I have communicated with my partner, hey, when you do this, it really triggers my anxious attachment style. I'm working on it. And I would love if you can help me by not doing this. It's not— I know it doesn't feel logical. I know it's not like a tangible thing where you're like, okay, yes, I understand. But this is important to me. And he fully gets it. So I think Those would be my top 3 advices in this area.

Yeah, I actually just pulled up from helpguide.org the different attachment styles just to kind of like talk through this a little bit. So there's 4: secure attachment, anxious or ambivalent attachment, avoidant dismissive attachment, and disorganized attachment. So to quickly kind of talk through each of them, secure attachment is when you are empathetic and able to set appropriate boundaries. People with a secure attachment tend to feel safe, stable, and more satisfied in their close relationships. While they don't fear being on their own, they usually thrive in close meaningful relationships. So anxious attachment is people that tend to be overly needy. As the label suggests, people with this attachment style are often anxious and uncertain, lacking in self-esteem. They crave emotional intimacy but worry that others don't want to be with them. Avoidant dismissive attachment style. I think this might be mine. Oh my gosh! Adults with an avoidant dismissive insecure attachment. attachment style are the opposite of those who are ambivalent or anxious. Instead of craving intimacy, they are so wary of closeness that they try to avoid emotional connection with others. They'd rather not rely on others or have others rely on them. And then the disorganized-disoriented attachment style, also referred to as the fearful avoidant attachment style, stems from intense fear, often as a result of childhood trauma, neglect, or abuse. Adults with this style of insecure attachment tend to feel they don't deserve love, Or closeness in a relationship.

Well, well, well, well. This is worse than those MySpace quizzes.

Yeah, literally.

I feel like I'm like taking a Cosmo course or like you know like the Seventeen magazine. Choose your own adventure. Choose your own attachment style. Yeah, I would say it's important to one know which. one your partner leans towards and which one you lean towards, or if it's a blend. I think that— I actually think oddly enough, I'm a mixture of secure and avoidant dismissive depending on my level of health and where I'm at. So, I think it's helpful to know what style your partner is and then as Astrid mentioned, communicating through it. And then, Also, giving yourself some grace and tools, like, are you both in therapy? Are you going to coaching? Are there tools that you are using to support the relationship? So that— I think that sometimes knowing that you are maybe an anxious attachment, sometimes we can say, well, I'm an anxious attachment, and we just kind of stop there. It's like, how do we work ourselves towards a secure attachment? And so, are there tools or steps that you and your partner can take to work towards a more secure attachment through communication, through quality time, through you know sharing things from your past that you might not know about each other? Just like working towards that secure, healthy relationship.

Hmm. Can I add one more thing to this?

Please.

Just kind of exposing myself, or I guess my journey because. This is something I navigated actually this past weekend. But in, in my coaching, we did some somatic practice and I realized some wounds from my childhood. And the way that somatic practice works, basically she uses a scenario and then that's happening right now and then takes you back into childhood. So through that, she helped me at the end realize how if that scenario were to happen again, How I can take a step back internally and be like, okay, 11-year-old Astrid, I see you. I see how you're popping up. I see how this is making you feel the fear again that this is going to happen again. So acknowledging that and sitting with it and knowing that it's not my highest self, it's the child that needed that attention or that needed that love and didn't quite get that at the time. So with this, I experienced some anxiousness and anxious attachment this past weekend. And I remember in that moment, I was like, oh, this feels familiar. And I was like, okay, this is my time to practice. And just internally, I was like, okay, Astrid, I see you. We're good now. I love you. We're loved. This doesn't mean anything more than the situation. We're going to sit in this and we'll talk through it. And it was so much healthier. We got through that situation so much faster. And I think that's also a layer of our different attachment styles. It's our childhood and how we've navigated it. And so I'm currently in the process of healing that attachment style. But for anyone listening to this, maybe pay attention to when does that pop up? And I'm not a therapist, but when does that pop up? And just acknowledge maybe like what part of you is that like triggering and acknowledge it and love it. And that's been really helpful for me.

I love that. I love that you're doing that too. I mean, I think we all, we all could benefit from that. Um, okay. Well, next question is how to be content with where you're at while also striving for more. Girl, if you find out, you let me know. No, I would say the being content part is, are there ways to truly find joy in your everyday life? I think that sometimes being content is looked at in this personal development growth space as kind of settling. But I think that Being content is looking for ways to be happy and honestly secure in where you're at right now. So are there ways that you can celebrate the joy of your everyday life? And then there's also aspects of the everyday life that you want to change. And so maybe instead of it feeling like, how do I be content with my whole life but also knowing I want to change my whole life? Are there certain aspects of your life that you know you want to improve. Like, let's just say there are— 80% feels really, really good, and I'm like really finding joy in the everyday, and I love what I'm building. But I do know that at some point I want to pivot my career. Okay, well, having focus on you want to grow your career can also displace like, I don't want to change my whole life, I don't feel like I'm settling. I just like there's this one area of my life that I want to grow or I want to improve on, and then once you get the career pivot under your belt, what next? But like focusing on one change or one area of growth at a time, I find that when we are wanting to change seventeen different categories of our life, we feel so overwhelmed and we get analysis paralysis, and we can truly just kind of get. paralyzed with indecision or like there's so much to do, there's so much to change, I'm so unhappy in every single area that it can feel really hard to make any sort of action. So I would say if you can like pinpoint the specific areas of your life you do want to grow in and you do want to be challenged or stretched in, then just focus on that first while also being like, okay, these other areas feel secure. Does that make sense?

Absolutely. That's honestly, that's exactly what I would— what I was gonna say is also, I think contentness also comes from living a life that you love. And it's not perfect, but you're like, that pain was worth it. This uncomfortableness, this busy season makes me satisfied in a way because I know I'm living my dream. Like, just picturing myself 10 years ago, I'd rather have this pain than the one I had years ago. So I think it's a matter of perspective, that contentness doesn't equal like everything's perfect, but it's more, are you living the life that you overall want? Do you feel comfortable in the steps that you're taking?

Yeah.

And having that be enough. And then while also striving for more, it's more of instead of I don't have Or a more of scarcity mindset of when I have, then I will be happy. We can switch it to I am creating my dream life, I'm living it right now, and I'm excited for the next steps I'll take to continue building that dream life. Like very, very different mindsets, but perhaps very similar actions. So I would recommend that shift. Our next question is how to navigate friendships when you're in different seasons of life. So, oh my gosh, okay, I love this because I have been seeing a lot of TikToks lately about the girlies who are getting married late in their 30s, and they're not getting the same energy for their weddings and their bachelorettes that maybe they brought in for their friends' weddings and bachelorettes. And I remember thinking, I'm so grateful because we're planning my 30th and I feel like all my friends are giving energy to this as if it was literally like my bachelorette. And I love it so much. And I haven't had to explain myself to anyone. And so experiencing that kind of love, I feel like what I would say is no matter where your friends are at, maybe they're getting married, they're having kids, they're celebrating a milestone in their career, whatever it is, how do you show up and celebrate with them? And how are you present with them in the season that they're in? And then being comfortable with the friendship changing. Maybe you used to go out for drinks all the time together, and then now you're taking walks at the park while they push your baby on the stroller because that's the time that they have. Just not holding on so tightly to what was, and letting things be would be my top advice. And how beautiful, you get to grow together and experience different lives as well. And I think in general, something that you've done that's great is checking in often and once a year, whatever, and saying, hey, am I missing the mark somewhere? Is there anything that you would like to be different in our friendship? Having that conversation, I think— opens up a space that you don't have to be like, hey, I need to talk to you. But when it comes from the person, you're inviting me into that, and it feels less point— you know, less prickly.

Sure.

Um, so I think as you grow in your friendships in different seasons, maybe having those check-in points of how you can support them and how you can both connect more.

Yeah, I, I completely agree. I would, I would only add that Asking your friends that you know are in different seasons, what do you need right now? Like how do you how do you want to spend time together? Do we need to FaceTime? Do we want to send audio messages? Do we want to meet once a week? Do we want to meet once a month? But like getting some sort of connection ritual down. Like hey, we talk every month, you know on the phone. Okay, great. Like I have this with my girlfriend, Jess Stedham. We only get to see each other maybe once a year, twice if we're lucky. And I know that every month one of us is calling each other. We're going to catch up. We're going to talk. I have other friends that's like FaceTime is our thing. Like I want to see your face. But like Jess and I, we're phone call people. But my friend Kate and I, we FaceTime. And so just like literally knowing the way that they prefer to communicate. Like, is also a way that you're showing love and you're evolving with the friendship. And then for my friends that are moms, it's like, what's the best way for me to show up for you right now? Can I come over and bring you breakfast? Can I come— my friend Mimi, I was like, I want to see you. I want to hang out with you in Rio. Can I come over and I will make you breakfast in your home and we can have coffee together? I can hang out with you guys. We can literally sit on the floor. I don't care. I just want to hang out. I want to see you and I want to talk. And like meeting people where they are versus like sometimes they're like, well, things are changing. And like, I want to get all dressed up and I want to go out. It's like, well, that's not the season of life that they're in. How much do you value the friendship over how you valued what you used to do together, the activities, you know? And so I value the friendship more than I value the old container, I guess, that it used to live in of like, yeah, your college relationships are going to change. Your early 20s girlfriends sitting around drinking wine and eating pizza, you know, 3 times a week together is going to change. Like, they're just— it's going to evolve. And so if you can ask your friends how you— how they want to stay connected, and then also speak up for yourself, like, hey, I I feel like I reach out a lot. I'd really like if you could reach out to me sometimes, like, hey, I really want to see you. Like, can we put some time in the calendar in the next 6 months to try to get together? Like, I value you and I know you're busy and I just want to let you know that I love you, let you know that I value you, and also like, I want some time with you. I want to call. I want to— I want, you know, so I think That's where not being needy, but just communicating your needs in the friendship. Like, I don't have any expectations of Astrid to text me back right away. Like, I don't have any expectations for you to answer my call. Like, so I think whenever you can have healthy expectations of your access to your friends, it will change everything to you. Like, I think that's a big thing of like, I want my people to have access to me, but I also recognize that we're all busy and we're all building different things, whether it's Families, careers, businesses, and that doesn't necessarily mean immediacy. Now, if it's urgent, I'm picking like we we're gonna figure it out. I'm getting on a plane, whatever you need. But like, I think that's another aspect that sometimes we can get our feelings hurt of like oh well they didn't I tried to reach out and they didn't get back to me right away. It's like okay well I mean they got they got a billion things on their mind too. So I think just like getting honest. yourself and what you're expecting from your friendships. And also, I just went on a tangent, but yeah, just being honest with your friends too on like what is it they need and what you need.

I love that. That was, that was literally perfect.

Um, I am a professional yapper. I feel like I'm like so tired, I'm like cracked out and I'm just like, can't stop talking.

This is why we have a podcast though. This is literally the perfect medium. Oh my gosh.

Okay.

Um, the last one is, what is your biggest challenge as a traveling photographer? So, um, this one was of course more directed at me. Um, my biggest challenge as a traveling wedding photographer, I would say, is just how much time it takes away to do the same project versus like not being at home. So for example, if I have a wedding in Chicago, it is now a 3-day thing. I'm driving up on Friday, usually shooting all day Saturday and then driving back down Sunday. So it's like, I don't really have a weekend. I roll back into Monday work versus shooting more local or St. Louis. I wake up the day of, I go shoot, I come back, I still have my weekend. And if I'm traveling and I'm away, then like how much time that takes away from being with people.

Yeah.

And so I think It's hard because I get so excited for my travel projects. I get so excited for those venues I get to work at and those locations. And it's almost like you have to work double when I come back. Or sometimes, like last year, I didn't really manage my travel schedule very well and my social life did suffer quite a bit from it. And it was not a great— there was no balance at all. And so I was more mindful this year to block out certain weekends and, um, yeah, blocking those things out. But that, that social part is hard because it just takes so much more time for the same kind of project.

Yeah. I don't have anything to add.

What was your biggest challenge as a traveling photographer? Well, for you though, you travel a lot for work. So, um, what's your biggest challenge as a professional that travels all the time for work?

Ooh, biggest challenge. I would say just managing my energy. Like, if I'm traveling for work, I need to be on when I need to be on, and I need to also give myself time and space to be off. And so, can I make sure that I'm moving my body? Can I make sure that I'm eating nourishing foods? Can I make sure that I have a good relationship with alcohol? Like, just checking in with myself, journaling. Honestly, like trying to keep some of my habits while I'm traveling has been helpful. They're just a self-care practice so that I can bring my best energy in. And then I would also say, like sometimes when you're traveling for work, you do feel this pressure to stay late, be at everything, go to every like okay, we're gonna go to dinner and then we're gonna go to cocktails after and then we're all gonna stay up late. I mean, if you travel in business and in like the tech world, like that's where business gets done is post-dinner drinks. And so, it's like, okay, I know that I'm going to be up late. I am not going to set an 8:00 AM meeting the next day. I'm going to give myself some space and my first meeting is not going to be until 10:00. And so, even just like how I arrange my schedule so that I can do business when I need to do business, but I also can like set my own schedule and say, oh yeah, sorry, I I'm booked at 8, but I can meet at 10. And I'm booked because I'm asleep or I'm at the gym or I'm doing something for myself. But I would say those are some helpful things that I bring into my practice when I'm on the road.

I love that. I love that so much. And hopefully all of you love this episode, Ask an ANA. We are going to be having these every month. If you have any questions for us, please submit them. We have them on our link on our Instagram, and we would absolutely love to hear your voice. So definitely make sure to submit a voice message for us. We want to feel like you're our bestie and we're catching up. And you can go ahead and do that on our Instagram, which is @inbetween.pod. The link will be there. And if you want to connect with me, you can do that at @astrojohannaphoto.

And you can connect with me @AlexisTeichmiller. I'll also have the links to send a voice note or to write in for advice in the show notes of this episode. And so I've been trying to put them in every episode so that way, like, you can just easily access the links from your podcast player. But thank you so much for being here. Thanks for giving us space to be vulnerable about how we're doing in October, but also give advice. So We love you guys so, so much. We hope you have a beautiful week and do something, take care of yourself, do something that like makes you happy today and tag us when you do it. We love you. We'll see you next week.

Bye.