Audience Q&A: Celebrating Yourself, Getting Unstuck, and Setting Boundaries

Welcome to The In Between Podcast.

I'm Astrid.

And I'm Alexis. And we're 2 best friends on a journey to living a fun, intentional life.

We know it's easier to share on a season of life once it's behind you, but what about when you're in the middle of the growth, confusion, and decision-making?

This lifestyle podcast is for the everyday gal who loves to travel, talk about business, relationships, fashion, and everything in between. Hello friends and welcome back to another episode of The In Between Pod. It is one half of the pod, Alexis, and the other half, Astrid. And I can't believe this, but this is episode 41.

Oh my gosh.

Like, what? I'm sorry, we blinked and we just have 41 episodes out into the world right now?

There is 41 hours of content about our lives out there.

That's wild.

It's exciting.

It's scary.

We're sticking with it. No, but I have loved this experience so much. I even was thinking about it last week that we're coming up on our 1 year.

No. And then what should we do?

We need to do something fun.

We need to do something fun. We need to like bring all the, the community, the pod community together in some way. Yeah, maybe we'll do like a virtual hangout on Zoom.

That would be amazing. I feel like a virtual hangout would really Bring our people together because everyone's just so spread out.

Yeah. And all over the world. We have podcast listeners all over the world. It's so freaking cool. So yeah, I'm with you. We need to do something really fun for our 1 year in July. We need to start planning that.

We will. If you have ideas, send them our way.

Yes. But we are just wrapping up our entire March theme around career development. I have loved getting Your DMs, getting tagged in things. Actually, Astrid, you should pull up the DM that we got last week. We had an amazing podcast listener listen to our episode on career development and expanding your skills, pivoting in your career. And she wrote us this message and literally both Astrid and I were texting each other with tears in our eyes. Are you good to read it?

I'm good to read it.

Okay.

I cried when I saw this because we were even hesitating about having a month around careers. And really the fact that we just pushed through on each theme and the fact that there is just such a wide diversity in our audience and that there's different ways we can serve them has just been so beautiful. And so getting this DM just helps us to push forward and be like, okay, that was actually a good idea because this would have happened no matter what. But getting that feedback really fuels us. So this goes to any episode. If by— if there's any impact that you've had from it, just know that when you DM us and let us know, it really does fill our hearts up.

Yes.

So this listener said, I got some exciting news today that I want to share with you both. I've been trying to negotiate a raise for myself since mid last year due to turnover on our management team, layoffs in the company, and the state of the market today. I was denied multiple times. After listening to your podcast episode on career development a couple weeks ago, I put together a new proposal on what I want and what I've done in the past and plan to do in the future to deserve it. I presented it to my manager and she agreed with me and said she'd take it straight to our EVP. She just called to let me know that my request for a 50% raise And an additional week of PTO was approved effective starting in April. Thank you both so much for your advice. I love listening to the pod every Wednesday. I mean, I could just hear that on repeat every day and be like, let's go.

Oh my gosh.

Like the, the fact that she took the initiative to put together a proposal, like that's a big part of advocating for yourself in the workplace is like the documentation behind it. And getting that 50% salary increase, like that is unheard of. Like that amount of salary, I mean, that's incredible. And then the extra week of PTO, honey, I hope you take an amazing vacation this next year.

Please. Because you deserve it. Sponsored by In Between Pod. I'm kidding. I wish, I wish we could sponsor it someday.

Sponsored by In Between. One day we'll be able to sponsor your vacations.

Okay.

Yes. But first we need to sponsor ours.

Yes. Take us with you. Take us with you.

Oh, but I love it so much.

Thank you so much because it also goes to show the power of communication.

Yeah.

Which is why I loved us having this podcast theme was you and I have been in communication so much. And if you're not in that world, you haven't been taught that those specific language and specific things can really push you forward even when you're getting those results. And so when you're outside of that realm and you're in HR or accounting or finance or whatever that might be, Listening to something like this with just a little bit of marketing and communication tools can really push you forward. So I am just so excited. And if she's listening, congrats to you. We love you so, so much. And yeah, it's just so exciting to see how the pod has been impacting all of y'all.

I know it really is meaningful. Every time you send us a DM, you better believe that Astrid and I are screenshotting it and sending it to the other person because we're like, look, it's literally this precious prized thing. Like, the pod means so much to us, and it means so much to us because of you.

Yes.

And we love you. And, um, actually, should we tell the, the peeps what we're going to talk about next month? Because today we're doing a Q&A episode. We gathered your Q— or, sorry, the last Wednesday of every month we're going to be doing Q&A episodes where we gather your questions throughout the month and then we answer them on the pod live together. Um, but next month our theme is going to be—

do you want to share? Yes.

Okay, so this past month, of course, we talked about careers all within your 9 to 5. And then next month we're going to be tackling building and creating your dream life outside of your 9 to 5, which I am just so excited because as much as we are both very goal-oriented and we take our jobs and our careers so seriously. We also believe that that is not the end-all be-all. You have a whole life to live. You have relationships and hobbies and things that we really lose a lot of that when we jump into our careers.

Yeah.

So I'm stoked to take that on. I feel like it's also going to be really good for me to just refresh on all of that and be like, okay, we're doing a lot of it, but what else could we do? And what really encompasses that dream life?

Yeah, absolutely. Like looking at your morning and evening routines, picking back up old hobbies or trying new ones. How do you make new friends? Like going, especially leading into summertime, I feel like summer is such a social season. I can't say that. Such a social season.

Such a show.

And it's like, okay, how can we capitalize on spring? So that we can be social in summer. And that means making new friends right now. And I feel like that's something that I've been prepping them. Yeah, we're prepping the friendships for summer. Anybody have a pool, a boat? I'm kidding. Um, but yeah, DM us if you have a, have a boat. Um, but I will say like, there is something really meaningful about building a life and friendships and hobbies outside of work because There have been seasons of my life where I have put so much emphasis on work that all the other aspects of life— and this sounds really harsh, but felt meaningless to me because work was my number one priority. And now it's like, how do you integrate them all together?

Yeah.

Right? I don't really believe in balance. I think that balance means that everything in your life is equally weighted all at once.

Mm-hmm.

Whereas like whenever you're integrating, sometimes things are going to weigh a little bit more and some things are going to be a little bit lighter. So it's going to be difficult to have like equal balance in all aspects of life. But whenever you can look at integration, it's like, okay, what do I want to integrate more of in my weekly life? So like an example of this, and we can go deep on this next month, but like Matthew and I have actually been incorporating more cleanups in the house throughout the week because I realized that weekends were becoming, we got to clean everything.

Yes.

We got to do all the laundry. Like weekends were just full of like household activities. And what I was realizing is that in the weekday evenings, we were kind of just wasting away on TV. Like, so we put more boundaries around TV. So we integrated less TV. We integrated more like, Let's plant tomato plants in the front yard. Let's like do things around the house that are fun during the weeknights.

Yeah.

Let's start laundry. Let's like put together a bookshelf on a Wednesday night. Like let's stop waiting for the weekends to do things that are fun and to do things that are helpful around the house. So then on the weekends, all I want to do is just chill and read. I want to spend time with friends. I don't want to be stuck in my house. I've been in my house— All day, every day for a week already. So yeah, that's been something that we've been like trying to find more joy outside of work by like doing things that are meaningful and make us feel productive throughout the week instead of waiting for the weekends.

So I love that. I think there can be so many ways where we put constraints on ourselves. Um, and so being able to think outside that, about that box and having these conversations of like, okay, do you have this thing? You don't have to live buy it. It's not like, oh, well, I just have to suck it up and Sundays, that's when we clean up and that's it. How can I think outside the box and incorporate that into my weekly life? I was listening to this podcast on Ed Mylett's show and they had this researcher on there that they've— it's like the longest study they've ever done. And it's people, I think they're 85-year-olds now, but it Started when they were 20. So it's like a research study that started in the 1930s. It's fascinating.

Well, yeah, I was like, math, '50s.

What's that?

They started maybe in the '50s because it's 2023. Well, but they—

well, maybe the study ended when they were like around 85, but I know for a fact he said that it started in the 1930s, like late 1930s. Yeah. And so they were— the research was just on happiness. And so they got people that were underprivileged, people that were very privileged. Actually, there's, I think one of them ended up being a president too. They had people from all spectrums and they studied happiness. And I'm still halfway through it, but I thought it was fascinating that most of them, to no surprise, really regretted spending so much time on their careers and not enough on their interactions. And the people who had the healthiest social circles outside of one person, like their significant other, were the happiest, no matter the socioeconomic status that they held. It's just how strong their people were.

Wow.

And so the conversation where I left it was, how much time are you making to reconnect with those people that are really important to you? Show me your schedule and I will show you what's important to you. So yeah, I'm just so excited for this conversation on all spectrums of it and just be able to dream and think and have a good summer too.

Yeah, I'm ready for summer. Ready for summer big time. Okay. Before we dig into our Q&A, our audience Q&A, quick life update. I ran my 10K yesterday. Well, on Sunday, whenever you're listening to this. And it felt so good to Like actually follow through on a goal that was like physical as well. I mean, I have in the past, but there's something about my running journey that was also very like mental, like overcoming the mental barrier and the mental blocks around like, I'm not a runner. I don't have a runner body type. I don't have runner knees, runner feet. Like I would just look at any reason to be like, oh, I can't do this. I'd be like, oh, my feet aren't right.

I don't have the right feet for this.

My nose is not a running nose.

I don't have a running nose, you know?

It's true though.

We do that in everything. Yes.

Yes.

So like looking for the smallest nuanced thing to point to and be like, that's not quite perfect. I can't do it. So Matthew and I ran the 10K and it felt really good. And it also was like a little anticlimactic. And I've been trying to piece together why it's felt that way. And I think this is kind of where I've landed and I'm going to continue to ruminate on this. When you set a goal, a personal goal that you then achieve, like no one's going to celebrate you the way that you're going to celebrate you.

Mm-hmm.

And like Matthew and I, we were just like hyping each other up. We were so excited. I posted on social media. All of my like social media community was like, yeah. Like I just felt so loved and supported. And it was like I had to go the extra step. To be really proud of myself and to celebrate myself for it to feel more complete. Like, you know, when I crossed the finish line along with hundreds of other people that were on their own journeys that day, fireworks didn't go off for me. You know, a camera crew didn't come out and be like, Alexis, you did it.

I wish they would've though. I wish they would've. Me too.

You know, I don't know why I don't have my own reality TV show at this point. But no one came in and surrounded me and was like, you did it. And I think that when we put so much emphasis on that external celebration and affirmation of us completing something, it can sometimes feel a little numbing. You're like, oh, I didn't get what I wanted. I didn't get celebrated in the way I wanted to. So was it even worth it? Mm-hmm. I really had to wrestle with that yesterday where I'm like, after the race, you know, we all kind of met this group that we all ran together at our own paces. And I was like, well, breakfast tacos, you know, like onto the next thing. And it was like that pause of like, okay, I want to sit in this. I want to celebrate this. Like this was a big deal for me. And like writing about it and talking about it yesterday with Matthew really helped me like Sit in that, and then look at all my running videos of all the times I've ran, and putting them all together and being like, wow, this was a two-month journey leading into one day. But those are things that I had to do to like follow through on celebrating accomplishing something. So I don't know if that lands or resonates with you, but like I think as we get older and we have such individual journeys, like there are going to be less and less people in your corner being like, you go! You know, like whenever you're a kid, most of the time. You're really celebrated. And then you're an adult and it's not that you're less relevant, it's just that everyone's got their own stuff going on. So no one's in your ear being like, I am so— I mean, yes. And my besties texted me yesterday, including you, and I'm very thankful for that. But do you kind of know what I mean about like—

100%. It's still just a moment. It's like, okay, you got a text. And I love that you're sharing this because in so many levels, and I know we have a lot of entrepreneurs that listen to this, podcast. That is the epitome of entrepreneurial journey, especially if you run a business on your own.

It's like you hit these milestones and then it's like you look at yourself in the mirror and you're like, we did it. Okay, now onto the next client. Yeah.

So being able to find those things, because then we end up feeling maybe not as fulfilled because we're putting the weight and fulfillment on that specific moment or client or income goal. And instead, like you said, reflecting and saying, what did this mean for me? So instead of, for example, you have a goal of X amount of income per month, you hit it. Okay, well, did that income— is, is the, the goal just the income? Or was the goal, I want to prove that I am worthy of like making this, I am worthy of more. Like, I thought I was worth a third of that, and now I made more. And so this just a confirmation that I can do a lot more than I think that I can do. So now we're reframing that every time I look back on that goal, I'm reminded I can do a lot more than I think. And so every time that I have those lows, I can think back on that goal rather than it just feeling like this thing of, oh yeah, I hit this number or I did this specific goal. Like I ran a 10K.

Yeah.

I'm sure you look back and looking at those videos and everything, And you're thinking about what it meant for you mentally, emotionally, like what it took to get there.

Yeah.

And so you're like, okay, if I was able to get through that, I can get through this. I can run more if I need to. There's something that you said, um, I don't think that I've told you how much of an impact it had on me, but I think about it often. And it was, you said, I can do, I can do any hard thing for a minute. I think you were referring to one of your workouts or like Doing an extra minute or an extra 60 seconds.

Yes.

And no joke, when my workouts get hard, I think I can do any— anything hard for more than a minute. And then like anything hard for like 5 minutes, that's easy. And reframing. So anyway, it's just like so fascinating how achieving that goal, no matter how big and no matter where you're at in your journey, it's just a moment. And like you said, you have to take time to redefine the goal and also celebrate yourself. And I love that you brought that too, where it's like you challenge me. You're like, okay, how are you celebrating the fact that this happened? I'm like, oh, I don't know. I didn't even think about celebrating. I'm moving on to the next thing. And it's beautiful to stop and to acknowledge our journeys because it's going to be over before we know it.

Absolutely. Life is very short. And I do believe in, and I said this yesterday on my Instagram stories, what's small to you might be big to someone else. And what's big to you might be small to someone else. So someone finishes a 10K and it's like, oh, it's just a 10K. It's not a half. It's not a full marathon. Where it's like you can play that game with yourself so much where you're looking at, oh, well, I'm celebrating this, but it's not that big of a deal. And it's like, no, you accomplished something that was meaningful to you. Big or small, at your stage, at your pace. And that is worth celebrating. And yeah, I love that you mentioned like the time thing because that was me yesterday. I was like, okay, we're running for an hour.

Mm-hmm.

We are running for a whole hour. And that was like what I kept thinking every mile. I was like, okay, we just did another 10 minutes. We just did another 10 minutes. Like, okay, we're 10 minutes closer to being done with this hour of running. And like the fact that on my story last week, a memory popped up of me in 30A with you last year where I went on a run and I was like, oh, I ran for 15 minutes solid. I haven't been able to do that in a long time. And I was like celebrating that on my story. And now I'm like, okay, this past weekend I just ran an hour straight.

Yes.

Like those things are meaningful because it's overcoming a lot of your own limiting beliefs of what you can and can't do. So yeah, I've learned a lot from training. And literally Matthew in the car, he was like, that was fun. I probably could have just kept going. And I was like, not me.

You're like, good for you, honey, but let's just sit in this one for a while.

Let's just celebrate the 10K, please. He's like, half? Should we start training for a half marathon? I was like, Uh, I don't want to start training in what's about to be another hot Houston summer. I was like, hit me up.

Oh, I love that though. I would be down for anything running outside in the cold.

I can't—

I feel like I can't breathe well. But anything hot outside in the humid, I'm like, everything's circulating. Like, we're feeling good. Like, I don't feel like curling up in my couch.

Nah, girl, you're like a mermaid on land. That's how I feel about me running. I've got humidity going through my gills.

Like, absolutely not.

Oh my gosh, that's hilarious.

Um, I love that though. And the only— the other thing I was gonna add to that too, it reminds me so much of when I've had like depressive episodes.

Yeah.

And I think that we can gaslight ourselves and be like, oh, it's just this one small thing. Like, it's just doing my bed, it's just cleaning the dishes. But if anyone listening to this is going through a really hard time, taking these lessons from this and being like, actually celebrate those small things because the fact that you're like 1% better, one step forward is the biggest thing to getting to where you want to go. So, um, yeah, having that consistency even in the small things like making your bed every day or showering every day is a huge I agree.

And like, I'm writing this book on confidence.

That's—

I don't know if I've actually talked about that yet on the pod, but the book is about confidence. And there's a whole chapter about, um, like the origin of self-confidence. And I broke it down into like 4 different sections. And one of the origins is around consistency. And when you do something consistently, what does it do? It builds confidence.

Mm-hmm.

And then as a result, you feel competent To be able to do that thing. And it's like, it's difficult for us to build confidence in something that we don't try to do and we don't do consistently. Just like cooking. I wrote this example in the book. Let's say I want to get better at cooking. I've told myself I'm a bad cooker or cook. So I am. I'm a bad cooker.

Oh my gosh.

I can't with myself.

Okay.

So I'm a writer. So that's me trying to talk. But the example is around building the skill consistently and giving yourself a lot of room to be bad at it. You're going to make a lot of recipes and make a lot of different dishes and you're not going to be good at it at first. But because you're consistently trying and you're putting in the effort, you're also building the competency of being a better cook.

Mm-hmm.

And so then confidence starts to take root because you believe that Oh, I know how to prep vegetables now. I'm learning how to properly season my chicken. I'm learning all these individual steps that's helping me feel more confident in the kitchen.

Yeah.

And a lot of that comes from the consistency. So the same thing goes for running. Same thing goes for shooting weddings. You got to shoot a wedding to become a wedding photographer.

Right.

Right? And so it's like putting in the consistency there has been something I have tried to master, if you will, at a small scale. So I'm like, how can I try this consistently at a small first before I, you know, fully commit? But we weren't really deep into that, and I wasn't planning on that.

But that's okay.

That was good.

Maybe we should talk about what we're in between right now.

Yes.

Yes. Well, I have a small life update that goes hand in hand with that one.

Yes.

And it's that I failed 75 Hard this week. And I had a really interesting experience with it. And so what happened, today is day 49 since I had started it, and I got really sick this week.

Oh, man.

And I had full-on shivers. I was very dizzy standing up to the point that I've never done this before. I had to reschedule my shoot because I was like, when I stand up, I'm very dizzy. I can't show up well enough for you. And they were more than fine, thankfully. We were able to reschedule. Not a big deal. But I was just down for the count on Tuesday and Wednesday. And then I didn't even think about 75 Hard. I was just recuperating. And then on Wednesday, when I started feeling better, it hit me and I was like, oh, no, I messed up the streak. And I was like, all right, screw it.

Did you?

Did you? Well, yeah.

I mean, I didn't work out.

Yeah, but you were literally sick.

I know, but that's where I'm going. It's like technically, if you don't get the days done, you're supposed to start over again. And I think what I realized is like, okay, there's these rules on 75 Hard out there, but it's really my experience that matters. And so I have already shifted quite a few things on it to cycle sync my workouts, et cetera. And so, but where my mentality went was I felt my confidence go down. So I love that you mentioned this. I felt my confidence go down. I was like, ugh, Astrid, another thing that we started and we didn't finish. And my mindset started going there and spiraling.

Yeah.

And I was like, well, screw it. I'm feeling better today and I could probably walk, but I'm just not going to. It was almost like I was going to war against myself. And then I caught myself in that and I was like, okay, let's redefine this. Because I was like, I grew so much in confidence during that time. I didn't mess up because I was being lazy. I was like, my body needed to rest. So I was like, let's just pick ourselves back up and we're going to finish the streak and we're going to finish and keep going forward. And I've been doing it since. And the confidence is still there. So I think what I'm learning too, both with this one and the dopamine detox that I did in January, is that it's less about the perfect journey. It's less about you got to show up and do a killer workout every time. And it's more the consistency and knowing how to navigate those things that we want to move forward in while life challenges come our way. You're going to feel bad. You might have something like an emergency, a family emergency, and it shouldn't just like, oh, throw it all out the window, which I think is most of our tendencies. And it takes time to be like, that's okay. And I'm picking myself back up and shifting over. So yeah, that happened, but it's okay. I'm feeling really good about it again. And it's my own definition of 75 Hard.

I love that. And honestly, and I know in the beginning you said, I failed 75 Hard, but from my perspective, you did not fail. You were literally sick. So, I mean, failing is just being like, ah, you know what, I'm done. I'm 46 days in, I'm over this, goodbye.

Yeah.

Like, you know, your mental capacity and your body were so sick that you didn't even think about it, which knowing you, you're a very disciplined person. Like, that just says that you were in a place physically where you were just like trying to take care of yourself. So I'm proud of you for Doing the mental gymnastics of recognizing like, okay, this is about my journey. It's about building mental toughness and it's about discipline. And it's not about doing all the steps perfectly every single day. Like, it's your version of it. So I'm proud of you.

Thank you, babe. Thank you. We move forward, we redefine, and it's all good. It's a growth challenge and that's exactly what I wanted it to do. So what are you in between?

Well, I'm in between trying to figure out, like, I mean, I feel like I do this probably every 6 months, but I'm trying to re-tap into my style again.

Mm-hmm.

I feel like a lot of my clothes are still not fully it. I don't know if you feel like this, but I'll go to my closet and I'm really starting to feel like I don't have anything to wear again. And I haven't I haven't felt like that in a while, which that tells me that something's off in my closet. Anytime I walk in, I'm like, what am I going to wear? And I like sit there and I just look at everything. And I need to do a closet clean out. I need to reorganize. I did go through all my shoes this past weekend and like cleaned where my shoe rack is and like reorganized my shoes. And it even like, okay, I was like, okay, I have some gaps. in my shoe game, like that I need to fill or would like to fill. I don't need to. Um, but yeah, that's kind of what I'm in between right now. I know it's like a bit shallow, but, um, or a little bit more like not as deep. Um, but that's what I'm in between, just getting my spring wardrobe ready and like organizing. And then I want to do a closet sale again.

Yes.

But as you and I both know, they are a lot of work.

So much work.

And they take a lot of time.

Yes.

So I'm thinking maybe doing a closet sale mid-April is my goal. Nice.

I love that. I think that, and if you guys haven't listened to our episode on styling and our clothing, it was one of our first 5 episodes. But one of the things that we mentioned on there is as we evolve and as we grow, we start feeling our closet be outgrown too. It's a form of self-expression. And so Wherever it is that you're at in your journey now, your body is like, I want to dress differently. And we don't know what that is yet, but it's like a beautiful season to be in between of figuring that out and selling things and just donating stuff and moving to this next Alexis. I wonder if we're going to tap more into the European Alexis.

Yeah.

Yeah, I figured.

I figured. Can't wait to see it.

Yeah. What about you?

What are you in between?

I am in between— there's so many different ways I could go with this. I'll put it this way. I am in between my— I think healing by yourself can be just so much easier. And then whenever you're in a relationship, things can be brought up a lot more. And so Yeah, I'm healing and growing within that perspective of things. And it's been really hard because I've had a lot of triggers and trauma and things pop up just because of being in a relationship in general.

Yeah.

And at the same time, I am very grateful to have a really healthy partner. And so it's like I'm able to feel those things in a very safe space. Now I'm in the spot where I need to take accountability for my emotions and the way that I have my own tendencies of pulling away or where I'm like, okay, let me just close this emotional door before this hurts so much like it did last time. So yeah, so I think that it's very normal to go through those seasons in your relationship. Relationships can really grow us in the most beautiful way. And it's also like, okay, here is everything. So learning to navigate that.

Here's all my stuff and here's all your stuff.

Yes, exactly.

And what do we do with all of it? And how do we put it together? Yeah, it's interesting to navigate that for sure. And I even think no matter how long you're together, like Matthew and I are, this May will be 9 years. Like, no matter how long you're together, you're still, you're still like discovering things about yourself, discovering things about your person, and they are as well. And like, I think it's a, it's a beautiful practice that you are building with him where like when those things come up, you're learning how you want to develop and grow through them versus like that's never going to stop. And so it's like, if you don't do that now and you just kind of avoid it, then that's just more issues, problems, conflict down the road instead of really just facing yourself, facing each other, and growing through that now. I really commend you because that can be really hard. Thank you.

Thank you.

Yeah, I think the biggest difference or thing that I'm walking through is just asking myself a lot of questions about why I'm feeling so heavy about certain things. And that's something that I learned to do as I became single and needed to process my own emotions. But this is the first time that I'm doing that within a relationship. And so that can be really hard, but I'm also really grateful for the tools. So I'm sure we all navigate through that, but learning and healing and then doing the work is exhausting. Like, sometimes I'm like, can't I just be like a complicated girl and just leave it there?

I just want to be messy.

Yes, it's so much easier for the messy, messy, uh, side of things.

But I am so excited for today's Q&A episode. We got a really, really great question, um, submitted that we'll go ahead and kick things off with.

Um, let's do it.

So the first question is, currently in between redundancy and finding a job, just ended a relationship and had to move back home with my parents.

How—

the question is, how do you keep motivated, driven, when you feel like everything you had has failed? But, um, I just feel like I need guidance with not having a purpose and being alone.

It's a good one. First off, thank you for writing in, and it sounds like you are navigating a lot of change and transition at one time. And so I first off just want to acknowledge, like, You're navigating trying to find a new job, you're navigating the end of a meaningful relationship to you, and you're also navigating being back in a parent-child situation within your living circumstances. So that's like 3 very big triads of life that as adults we're always trying to navigate, and you're experiencing them right now all at once.

Mm-hmm.

So let's first just like extend some grace to yourself. And while you might be feeling like you are lacking in purpose and like feeling like you're getting things done, there also might just be an element of like, that's a— you could be emotionally overwhelmed. Like you could be at capacity. So take time to figure out like how much space you need to just be for a little bit. Sometimes we can try to shift into action and then like we get incredibly burnt out because of Things that are happening in our life that are already like heavy. So that's like just first just want to acknowledge that. My piece of advice would be to make two lists. Make a list of everything in your life that you are really proud of. Things that you're proud of about yourself, things you're proud of about the relationships that you have in your life, things that accomplishments that you've done, values that you have. Just a list of everything in your life that you are incredibly proud of. And then I'd like for you to make a list of small action steps that you can take to maybe look for a different job, or maybe, hey, I need to save X amount of money to be able to get my own place. Okay, if we know what that piece— what that money is, and then you know, okay, I want to move out of my parents' place in, let's say, 8 months. Okay, so how can I save That to take that lump sum that you need, divide it by 8. That's how much you need to save every single month to get to that place of savings where you can get a new place. But like, those are small steps that you're breaking out and then do that for your job. Okay. How many applications do I need to send in the next 30 days to feel like I'm making progress on moving forward instead of like, I need to get a new job. That's from a job that you don't like to a new job. There's a lot of small steps in between there, and that can be very overwhelming. So the list of everything you're proud of, because that is your list to go to when you are feeling like shit. Like when you are feeling like, what am I doing? Why am I here? This is, you know, I feel overwhelmed. Remind yourself of who you are. And then that other list of small action steps, that is your roadmap. That is your blueprint to moving forward. Those, that's my opinion. What do you got?

I love it.

I love it so much. I think that you pretty much hit on everything that I would recommend as well. I think also, and like you mentioned, there is so much change happening all at once, and that can feel very overwhelming, very exhausting, and even your body might feel very exhausted because of it. So taking care of yourself and your sleep, how much sleep you're getting, is huge. And so I would say a few things. For example, when it comes to the relationship aspect, understanding that you're in a grieving period, and anytime that we're in a grieving period, we need more space, we need more time, we need to feel our feelings, and also set boundaries with yourself. So what are some things that might not be helpful right now to you, and that will change throughout the next few weeks or months? So Maybe setting boundaries with friends like, hey, I don't really want to talk about my ex, or setting boundaries with yourself of, I'm not, I'm not going to check in on their social media or listen to these songs or whatever. And maybe the flip side, maybe you need to be in the grieving period that you're crying it out, you're journaling about it, you're listening to the songs, you're processing it fully. So ask yourself constantly, what do you need right now to process this breakup? Something that really helped me is We're Not Really Strangers has a deck that says it's time to fall in love again with yourself. And it's something that's very, very beautiful. I think that taking time to take yourself on mini dates, like just go on a walk or grab some coffee and go through those questions, can really help to fill that. Because when there's an end of a relationship, there's so much time and emotional connection that was there that now it's completely gone. So rather than like retrieving into your own little bubble, find new ways to connect in that time with yourself, with people around you that can fill that in a different way, of course, than that relationship, and that can help in the grieving. And then, um, with the parent side of things, um, in addition to what you mentioned, What are some boundaries that you need to set with your parents during this time as well? Because I think when you shift from a child relationship and then moving back in, parents can just automatically default to your child. And so I'm sure the— I don't know where the relationship is at, but in general, now you get to set some boundaries. You still have you. And so what do you need? Do you need more time? Do you need more space? Do you need to cook your own meals because it helps you feel more focused and motivated? Whatever it is, set that down and then communicate it to them in a loving way. And then just in general, I think redefining failure. So I think what part of that question said, how do you find purpose and become driven when you feel like everything has failed? So I think that when we put that failure on ourselves, it can be very heavy to move forward.

Mm-hmm.

But if we're able to redefine and say, okay, this relation— why did the relationship end? Take some time to journal about that. And then you can redefine that and say, okay, it was beautiful while it was here. It served a purpose. I'm grateful for X, Y, and Z that it taught me and that it brought me. And it had to end because of this and that. And this is what I'm wanting moving forward.

Yeah.

And so then redefining career. Okay, maybe I would've been stuck in a job that I hated for a really long time, and now I get the space to dream, even though it might be stressful to dream again and to find something. So yeah, I think words in general are really, really powerful, and the words that we use to speak to ourselves and the words that we use to define those aspects of our life can be very powerful. So maybe starting with that will help start to rewire your brain towards This is a new opportunity. This is a rebirth of my life. And how do I want this rebirth to look like? And now you're the creator rather than more of sheltering in of this all failed. So yeah, those are just some thoughts from my perspective.

I love that. Yeah, great advice from you on how can you be empowered? How can you take back your power? How can you lean into your strength? Look at the past, look at the evidence of things that you're really proud of. And like you said, kind of shifting into like you're the creator of your choices. And, you know, while there are, you know, other outside factors that you can't control, it's like, what can you control?

Mm-hmm.

And really getting very clear on that. And then, you know, I'm a big believer in like momentum builds momentum.

Yeah.

And so if you're feeling stuck or redundant, are there other action steps that you can take that will build that like cycle of movement to hopefully like propel you to that next step in your, in your life?

Yeah, so definitely.

Yeah, thank you for writing in and asking that.

Yes, thank you for that question. That was so good. Um, the other one that we received is more on the business front, and, um, they want us to, um, talk about interacting with clients and how to handle clients in a kind and caring manner without people pleasing and crossing one's own boundaries.

Yes. So good. Very good. Um, you go first.

Okay.

Um, I think that concise and clear communication is huge. From the start. So I think that if you have a very difficult client, trying to understand what it is that they want. So for example, I'm a photographer and a lot of times photographers will be like, I have a bridezilla and she's just crazy and wants to know all this stuff. And honestly, I have yet to have a bridezilla. And I think that I have type A clients that are very organized and like to be on top of things. So I have found, like, I guess I question, are they really a bridezilla? Or did you, like, is there a lack of planning that's making them feel like everything's out of control for the biggest day of their lives? So they have to step in and ask a million questions and micromanage. And so, um, of course there's, there's crazy people out there too. But I guess what, depending on the business that you're in, what is that client experience? What are those questions that you're getting? And then trying to think, how can I communicate before they even ask that question, can help with that. Because then when you communicate before they ask the question, if a client does want to cross a boundary, you can always refer back to what you said prior to.

Yeah.

But if you've never set the boundary and you never communicated it, then it will feel very abrupt and harsh when you're like, oh, well, don't text me at this time, or Um, well, I thought that's what you wanted. Well, instead of that, you can like have a really solid order process reconfirming, does this look exactly like what you're looking for? Okay, great. I'm about to send it to print, like involve them in that. Then whenever they say this is not what I wanted, you can be like, oh, I'm so sorry that you're disappointed, or I'm sorry to hear that you're disappointed. Um, based on our communication, you approved, you know, this text, this color. Here's what the reprint fee would be, but happy to help, whatever that might be like. But all of this to say, no matter what business you're in, my approach would be like, you have to take ownership on that communication. So when the boundaries are crossed, you can reference back to that in a kind and loving way.

Yeah. I mean, yeah, you're right. I think you need to know what your boundaries are before you can communicate them. So what are your boundaries in your business? And then A lot of that can be handled in like new client onboarding. So when you're onboarding a new client, it's in their contract. Like I have in my contract, um, my clients have like unlimited text access to me. And I have put in there that I will get back to them within 24 hours of a text, not immediately. And so, um, I always reiterate that with clients and like, hey, I saw your text last night. I'm answering you now. Like, just trying to be respectful of my boundaries. I also work a full-time job, and all my clients know that as well. I make that known. So I think making sure that your clients know that you have other clients and that you have a 9-to-5. And so there's an element of like understanding the circumstances of your time. And then I love what you said about like that order sheet. Like, does this look right? Whenever I'm working with clients, I'll oftentimes go back to the original list that we put together on specific areas that they want to work on in their life or their career, and I'll revert back to that list every month. And I'm like, okay, here's the list. Where are we on this? Where do we want to dig in? Or I'll take notes from our previous sessions and say, hey, you mentioned that in the future you want to work on this, this, and this. Where— what do you want to focus on today? Like, just really making sure that it's Steered by the client's direction, and that I as a coach am just leaning into what they've said they wanted to focus on. Because I would never want a client to come back and say like, "Oh, we only focused on like what Alexis wanted to focus on." That's like my nightmare. Like I would never want a client to have that experience with me. So just continuing to revert back to you know the contract, to revert back to what you had said you'd work on, and then at sometimes sometimes you have to let a client go, or a client has to let you go.

Yeah.

Um, and navigating not taking that personally, looking at opportunities where you can grow, say, hey, is there anything that I could have done better? Anything that I could do differently? Being really open to feedback on that. Um, and then also, you know, peacefully letting the, the relationship fade as it needs to. Um, I think that's another part is like when someone's crossed a boundary or it's gotten to a point where I don't think that we can We can successfully or healthily work together anymore, then that's when you're like you need to communicate that in a professional and respectful way, and definitely get it in writing as well, and preferably not in a text message, preferably in an email. So just making sure that you are covering a lot of those bases. But yeah, I think it's an important conversation around when you are giving a service as an entrepreneur. And you're like, you know, a coach or a graphic designer or, you know, whatever it is, a consultant, um, you feel very lucky to have clients sometimes. And so your people-pleasing tendencies are like, I'm just so lucky that you're here, and I'm so lucky that like, thank you for paying me, thank you, you're paying me. And literally, so sometimes the people-pleasing tendencies will, you know, kind of diminish someone or they'll overshadow or you'll kind of minimize someone crossing a boundary because you're just thankful. Yeah, for sure. And it's like, okay, that only goes so far.

Yeah. Well, and as you were speaking to this reminded me that I have also seen a lot of entrepreneurs go above and beyond for clients, which is incredible. But then they'll feel like that's a boundary crossed whenever they've gone above and beyond, but they haven't communicated it. So they're like, whoa, You booked 30 minutes, I gave you an hour, and you still feel like, like now next time you're expecting this too again. Like, no, like I actually charge this much. And so, um, I think like being able to communicate when you are going above and beyond and saying this is the exception and I'm so happy to do it for you, I was happy to be there in that moment, or I was happy to give you 2 extra of these items because whatever it might be, or a rush, I think In many client scenarios, suddenly things happen. They're like, is there any way I can rush this? You'd be like, yeah, I'm happy to help you out this one time for free if you want, but just know that next time my rush fee is X, or next time, unfortunately, I don't do rush orders. So being able to communicate that after of what is your standard can help keep those boundaries healthy when you have gone above and beyond, because if not, If they don't know it's your above and beyond, they think it's your normal, and that's on you. I hate to say it.

Yeah, no, you're right. You're right. That's good.

That's good. The way you said it.

What?

The way you said it. That's good. That's good. That's good. Yeah.

Thank you for writing in. Thank you for your questions. Do you want to do a few rapid-fire questions for each other before we wrap up?

Go for it.

Okay.

What is one trend for spring that you are hopping on?

Oh my gosh. I am looking for the perfect denim long skirt with a slit in the front.

Yeah. What is going on?

I love them. I'm obsessed. As a tall girly, I'm like, that is my jam. I struggled with finding the mini skirt because it's just too short for me. It's literally a shirt. So the midi with the slit in the front, 100%. What about you?

Okay. I love that. I've been trying to up my accessory game. So more cool bags. Not more, but trying to fill gaps in my bag accessories. But I've been toying around with not just wearing the same crossbody black leather bag, actually styling my outfits with more accessories. So that's something I'm trying out for spring and summer is like, yeah, but like having my staples and like leaning into that. I love that. I don't want to like have 20 bags. I don't need 20 bags.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Purses is what I'm trying to say.

Purses.

Yes. Um, I love that. Um, okay, rapid fire question. What is an activity you really want to do this spring?

Tennis.

Oh, you're going back to tennis?

Yes.

Yay! You're going back to tennis? Yeah.

For those of you that will Well, we started the pod, yeah, so summer of 2021, I joined the women's tennis league in like our small town and it was very fun and I learned a lot. I've got Matthew a tennis racket for Valentine's Day and we are going to start playing tennis and we've been meeting some fun couples and we've been double dating.

Oh, yay.

That's a whole other like development we need to talk about on the pod, but we've been like making really great friends here in Houston and some of them are like into pickleball. Oh yes, so we can play doubles. What about you? Fun activity for the summer, spring.

For spring, um, I would like to go to Paris.

Well, I don't know.

I know, I know, I know, I know, I know.

Um, well, the reason I'm— the reason I acted like that, I feel like I should say, yeah, there needs to be context for that. So there are protests happening right now in Paris. They've been unfolding like Pretty significantly over the last couple of weeks, but this past week things really escalated. Um, so yeah, we're trying to contemplate whether or not we can go to Paris the first week of May. We just want to feel safe and we just don't know if it's like the best time to go to Paris when there's, you know, civil unrest happening. Yeah.

So yeah, so we might end up somewhere else.

It's okay.

We're still gonna, we're still gonna do a trip.

I actually looked up Airbnbs and flights to Amsterdam.

Okay, I love that idea.

I was like looking at like the tulip fields. Yes, it's a good time of year.

The canal.

Yes.

Oh, I love— there's so many beautiful places to explore in the world.

Yeah, I'm trying. I'm really like not— I'm, I'm really staying positive about it.

Yes, yes.

But other than going to Paris, what else would you like to do this spring?

Okay, this spring I would really like— I don't know why I'm having a hard time thinking. I think I just want to spend more time outside. I'm tired of winter and being indoors. So going for walks every morning, being able to do things at night to go outside, eat my lunch outside. I'm just craving being outside.

So yeah. I love that. Okay. Any particular recipes or food that you've been making significantly? I was going to ask you that. Those are the questions.

What? I said I was gonna ask you that before my other question, so I love that you brought that up.

Um, okay, I am going through a bagel phase. Bagels have 12 grams of protein in them. I hope that this is a public service announcement.

I didn't know they had so much protein.

Um, so I'm going through a bagel phase. Like, today I'm gonna eat a smoked salmon bagel with like— like, I put the entire thing of smoked salmon on top of it. And it ends up being like 30-some grams of protein for like less than 500 calories, which is amazing. So, um, going through a bagel phase. I haven't cooked as much because I haven't been home, so nothing on the recipe front. But oh, actually, yes, I made egg quinoa bowls, egg quinoa pesto bowls that have been amazing.

Okay.

Highly recommend. It's like a breakfast bowl, but I also did it for lunch.

That sounds really good. I've been really into pesto lately as well.

Try it, you'll love it. What is a recipe you're loving?

I am into Philly cheesesteak bowls, honey.

I want to try those. I saw you.

They're really, really good. Um, ground turkey, Worcestershire sauce.

I could never say that. The W sauce.

And like some Montreal steak seasoning, um, green bell pepper, onion. And then you just sauté it all together. And I put mine on a little bit of rice and then I melt provolone cheese on top. And it's like super heavy in protein. It's very good. It's very filling. Absolutely love it. It's very easy. It's one pot. Like if I can make something in one pot, it's a win.

Yes. Yeah. Okay.

You, you ask me your last question.

My last question. Okay. What is something that you want to stop doing this spring?

Stop doing this spring.

Huh. I don't know.

I'm pretty perfect right now.

I'm actually killing it in life.

I'm actually incredible. No, I'm kidding. Something I want to stop doing. Okay, I got it. Something I want to stop doing is Waiting to decorate my house.

Hmm.

Like, I'm slowly starting to actually buy things and finish parts of our house that we've been in for almost a year. And I'm like, I keep putting it off and putting it off and it just never gets done. And I keep waiting for like the right time or like the budget. And it's like, okay, if I would have just gone ahead and ordered some of these things over the last 6 months, It would've been done and I would not have broken the budget.

Yeah.

But I have just like kind of been in freeze mode in that area of my life right now. So that's something I'm gonna stop doing this spring. I'm actually gonna get things going and get things put together because I actually just unloaded, um, we put a bookshelf together and like we unloaded a box that has been a box of books that has been collecting dust and sitting in the corner since we moved in.

Last June.

Yeah, so I feel that. Unloaded our last box. Okay, what about you?

Something you're gonna stop doing this spring? I'm going to stop, um, I'm gonna stop playing small. And there's certain areas of my life that I still play small or don't take up enough space in. And as weirdly as it sounds, like, I noticed this, I don't hang out in my backyard as much because I'm just like, Oh, like, I don't know, like, are the neighbors looking? Are they not? Or like, I don't know, I just feel like weird. And then I'm like, I'm playing— like, this is my backyard. Like, I should be able to just chill here and not care about it.

I deserve to be here.

I deserve to take up space in my yard.

But yeah, I'll like retrieve and like keep things like so small, and I don't want to do that. And I do that in a few different areas. So yeah, I want to stop playing small.

Okay.

I resonate with that because I do the same thing with my front porch. Like whenever, whenever Matthew's parents have come twice now in the last, like, you know, 10 months and, uh, they love our front porch. They wake up in the morning and they walk out and they sit on our front porch until like we're ready to go for the day. They'll just sit there for hours on their reading.

And you're like, how often have you sat there since I moved?

Thanks for breaking in our chairs. Like, I never sit out there.

Yes.

I'm like, oh, I'm in the city.

And like, if people walk by, I'm going to feel weird. Do I wave? Do I not wave? Do I make eye contact? Do I not make eye contact? You know, like we don't have a backyard. We only have our front porch and like our front little yard area. So I get a little in my head about that too. But I will say I have been trying to sit outside more before like the Houston humidity comes in.

Yes.

Okay, I'm glad this is like a normal homeowner thing where we just double think everything.

I bought the patio set last year, put it together, and I have not sat on it. Maybe sat on it twice.

And it was actually my boyfriend that was like, it's getting nice out. We should just have dinner on our porch. And I don't know why my instinct was to say no. And I'm like, yeah, we should use that space that I paid for.

I paid for this. That's something I was thinking about doing is actually putting a little 2-person table out front where we could actually go out there with our laptops or like sit out there and eat, have coffee instead of like right now they're just 2 like little lounge chairs and we don't have any side tables out there. So it's kind of difficult to like do anything. But okay, here's to spending more time in our outdoor spaces on our properties that we own, that we pay for that square footage. I paid for that square footage. I better be using it.

Oh my God. Oh, that's amazing.

Thank you all for making it to the end of this episode. We love you and really looking forward to our next month's theme on building your dream life outside of the 9 to 5. If you resonated with this episode, leave us a review. We would love that. Whether you're listening on Spotify, iTunes, or whatever your podcast player is, we'd love for you to leave us a review. Or send us a DM and let us know what you thought of today's episode. You can do that at inbetween.pod, or you can message me personally at Alexis Teichmiller.

Or me at AstroJohannaPhoto.

Amazing. And we will see you next week.