Being Present in Your Body and the Power Self Talk Has on Body Confidence

Welcome to The In Between Podcast. I'm Astrid.

And I'm Alexis. And we're 2 best friends on a journey to living a fun, intentional life.

We know it's easier to share on a season of life once it's behind you, but what about when you're in the middle of the growth, confusion, and decision-making?

This lifestyle podcast is for the everyday gal who loves to travel, talk about business, relationships, fashion, and everything in between. Hello, hello, and welcome back to The In Between Podcast. This is one half of the pod, Alexis.

And the other half, Astrid. And we are so excited to be back with you all. And today's topic is really centered around the summertime coming up and our body confidence. I think that this can be such a vulnerable topic to have in general, and I know that it's a vulnerable one for both of us to have. And so Like all other episodes, you get an inside look into our friendship. Like genuinely, summer is approaching. It's been on our minds. I shared it as part of my In Between last week, if you were listening as well. And so we're really hoping to help everyone to reframe the way that we look at our bodies, the way that we are navigating the self-talk, the way that we're looking at ourselves, the way that we're dressing as well. Like being able to feel the best that we can in our bodies this summer without all these preconceived ideas of what we should be looking like and really letting go of that should statement for our summer.

Yeah. I am really excited to talk about this. And it's essentially not letting thoughts or feelings around our body get in the way of us enjoying life and wearing the swimsuit, taking the beach trip, going to the pool with your friends. Getting in the lake, like just really owning who you are at this very moment in life, not who you want to be, like, and like what Astrid said, what you feel like you should be, but who you are right now. And I, I know that we've both navigated different journeys of this up and down and up and down. So I know that we've talked about this a little bit in past episodes, maybe like a year ago or so.

Yeah.

And I'm sure that I'm in a completely different place than I was then, because that's just how this kind of stuff goes. I think that it's an ongoing relationship that we have with our bodies and how we feel about it will ebb and flow. And so, yeah, I'm really looking forward to this. Before we dive in, let's do some life updates.

What's up?

What's new? What's going on?

Life updates. Well, your girl worked all week last week. I had Quite like I shot from Monday through Friday and then worked every single day. I had 2 shoots and then 3 days of back-to-back video UGC content shooting for, um, the tourism board's restaurant week.

Fun.

So that was so much fun. So much food. Oh my gosh. Um, but yeah, it was really fun to see everything come together. And then this weekend I just worked and found some pockets of time to rest and it's my I'm going to be gone for the next 2 weekends. So just kind of savoring those last few minutes of being at home. And yeah, I feel like a little highlight of my weekend was my mom gave me her Louis Vuitton bag. And it was just such a memorable moment because that bag specifically is 36 years old. And it comes from when she used to own a luxury leather boutique in San Cristóbal, Venezuela. And so, yeah, it's one of the only items that she kept from it. She kept it in such great shape.

Wow.

And so as a business owner, it was just so sweet to get that from her era when she was a business owner as well. So yeah, that was really fun. And overall, just prepping this week, I will leave on Saturday and then come back the following week on Monday. And Going to Dallas and then Rosemary Beach. So lots of fun things coming up.

Back to Rosemary. Um, shout out to Mama Astrid for the vintage Louis Vuitton coming through. Like, that is amazing, like sentimental. And also I know that's something that you like have really wanted, so it's so cool that it's really a family heirloom passed down from your mom to you. And I know when you sent me the video and you brought her out of the dust bag and she was— the leather, for her to be 36 years old is literally insane to me based on the quality. I can't wait to see her in person. Big question, are you bringing her to Europe?

No, absolutely not.

Okay.

No, I cannot risk that. If it was a smaller bag, I would. But it's just too big and I'm scared that it'll get lost. Like if my luggage gets lost or something like that, I just, yeah, it's too much. I wish because she's beautiful, but we gotta keep her safe at home.

Okay. Well, what are you, when are you gonna go out with her? Like, are you gonna take her on any trips? At home?

Yeah. In the state bound.

Okay. Yeah. So, okay. Like domestic stuff. Like if—

Yeah.

Domestic. Okay.

Okay.

Okay. She's, she's a US citizen only.

Yeah, literally.

Cannot believe.

Yeah. I'm gonna be a, a US citizen this Friday, fam. If you've been around for a while, you probably heard me in the fall time, like study like crazy for my citizenship test. So lots of big things happening, but for now, the Louie, she is a US girly.

I love that. And congrats on being sworn in this Friday. That is so exciting. And you're like, you get sworn in on Friday and then leave on Saturday, right?

Yeah.

Fun, fun celebrations. You know, I'm so proud of you.

Thank you, babe. What have you been up to?

Well, um, if you listened to last week's episode, you heard me just like figuring out how to be alone because Matthew was traveling for work in Africa and he came home this weekend, which was so fun. And we just got to Like be kids again. There's something about being away from your partner for a little while, even if it's a week or 2 weeks. Um, for us it's been months, but that when you finally are back together, you're like, nah, like, I don't know, you just feel like you just can't get enough of each other and you're just like, you want to laugh and you just want to like be silly. And we just had the, the giggliest of weekends and it was so fun.

Aww.

Um, we also went to this really great like taco shop here in Houston and brought my laptop and we went through all of the excursions on our Mediterranean cruise. Um, there's 11 stops. And so we get to choose like which stops we want to do excursions, like planned through the ship or on our own. And they have like all of these crazy, amazing things planned that you can like do, but you have to obviously pay for them. Um, so we were just like figuring out what we want to do and what we didn't want to do. It was just so fun, like Googling things and planning together. So. Good vibes all around. And I have now officially finished 3 books so far. So I have 2 more books to finish to hit my April reading goal. And it's, I think it's going to happen.

Girl, your reading goal for just April? I thought you were going to say for the year.

Oh no, no, no, no.

You read 3 since January.

No, I've read, I've been reading 5 per month. So I've read, I guess now 18. By the end of the month, I'll have read 20.

She's a reading girly. We love her. She's such a reader. We love it. Well, I am so happy to hear about your weekend. I think like one of the things I admire so much about you and Matthew is how much fun you just both have together. You're truly each other's best friends. And hearing you have this weekend where you're just like, ah, I love you, let's hang out, you're my best friend, I can't get enough You are absolutely glowing, and I love that for you.

Thank you. I— it's crazy how much the mental health, like, it just skyrockets whenever he's around. So that's good. Um, okay, what are you in between right now?

Hmm.

I can go first because I actually have mine, unless you have yours prepared.

Go for it.

I am in between being very excited about all of my travel and being anxious about all of my travel. So like, and I'm very grateful for this. It sounds like such a first world problem and I totally get it, but I have a little bit of travel anxiety right now. Like I'm taking off a lot of PTO from work and this quarter at work is going to be one of the biggest quarters for me professionally. And so these things happening at the same time is just causing me a little bit of anxiety. And so I'm just working through that. I have like literal felt like heart palpitations the last week, like that level of anxiety. And I haven't felt that before. So I'm like really trying to calm my nervous system, focus on what I can control, enjoy my travels and not be so anxious about missing like things at work. So I'm really working extra this week and next week in preparation, but I go to Boston this weekend with my girlfriend Kate. I'm so excited. And then we're in Europe for 2 weeks and I'm Genuinely so grateful for that, and there's also this like preparation of wanting to get everything ready. You know, to go do that because we also won't have Wi-Fi. Like I'm on a ship. You know, like I don't I'm not checking in for work. I'm not checking Slack. Like we are we are off grid offline. So I'm in between like letting that be exciting and not feeding into the anxiety that can come with like pre. trip, you know, feelings. So again, kind of a lighter in between, but it is something I'm like, okay, I gotta pack for this and I gotta make sure I do this. My birthday's also next weekend— next week.

Yes.

So I'm like planning my birthday party. I need to order my cake. I have to go get my outfit altered. Like it's all those little things. And again, this is so first world problem, but it's like, it's piling up and I feel that like level of anxiety of trying to get everything done. So those— that's just like my lighthearted what I'm going through.

Just, you know, anxious, just slightly anxious with palpitations.

Yeah, just like having the first experience with heart palpitations with anxiety. I'm like, what is this?

I—

what is happening? So yeah, I'm fine.

Oh girl, I'm so sorry. That can be so stressful. I feel like that's such a real thing that happens when your work responsibility or like life responsibilities are higher as you get older. And then at the same time, you're still planning trips, if not like even at a greater scale.

Yeah.

And so when both collide, you're like, oh my gosh, this is so much. My to-do list is endless. But I hope that you're able to find some time to breathe, to stick to those routines that help you recenter. Um, those palpitations can be very, very scary. I don't know if that also affects like your sleep, um, or if like that has been kind of trickling down into that too.

Definitely. I— that last week mixed with Matthew being gone, I did not sleep very well. And so that's one thing this past week, I am well rested. Like I had the first night he was home, we slept 10 hours. Me too. Bro just came from Africa, so he's like super jet lagged and had traveled 26 hours to get home. I also slept because I feel like I have been sleeping like crap, but Thank you. What about you? What are you in between right now?

Oh, okay. The one that's top of mind is more on the financial aspect. And I've been listening to this podcast called The Six— actually, I can't remember the name of the podcast, but the girl is called Gina Knox. And basically she talks about the importance of creating enough investments where You can become work optional and how you don't have to be like, have a 6, 7-figure business to necessarily make that happen. And how a lot of times as entrepreneurs, we focus on generating more money rather than simultaneously the money that we do make right now, taking a portion of that to invest to make us more financially free.

Mm-hmm.

And so I've been looking into investing on my personal finances for a hot minute now, but now it's more on the entrepreneurial side of things and like, okay, I want to be a mom in the next 5 to 7 years, 5 to 10 years. And so my job isn't paying me maternity leave. How am I preparing for something like that? Like all these different things that as entrepreneurs we don't really think about. And so I just thought that was really interesting. So I'm doing a little bit more of a deeper dive into that aspect of things. And, um, my finances are back up to where they were. Like, all my savings are replenished, all my finances feel at a really solid spot right now. And so I just want to make sure that I don't just spend the money or I'm like, okay, well, this would be a great trip or this would be a great thing. Like, the trip is still going to happen, but also like, how can I just automate that investment to set myself up for the future? And so yeah, maybe it's just the almost 30 in me that is like, okay, I am getting older and how am I preparing wisely for the future rather than just like, oh, there's enough money in the bank account, we're good. You know, like that's not a solid plan.

Yes.

So check her out if you're an entrepreneur. She has really great resources, great podcast where each episode is like 9 to 20 minutes long, like very digestible, very, um, easy to understand, easy to, to dive into. Um, but yeah, that is where I am at right now is really taking my finances to the next level as a business owner.

I'm proud of you. That's huge. Also hearing that like your emergency fund and your bank accounts are back like where they need to be post taxes and everything. Like, and it's only been a month or so, 2 months, not even 2 months since you paid taxes. I do remember your breakdown and I, you brought it up. I wasn't going to acknowledge that on the pod, but yeah, like. You are one of the most resilient people I know. And I feel like your ability to recognize a potential issue or potential gap and fill it almost immediately, and not just fill it immediately, but do it really well, is so impressive. And then you're also like, not only am I going to fill it, but I'm also going to learn how to invest this so that whenever I want to have children, I can have maternity leave and have those dividends be paying me money every month. So I'm proud of you. That's awesome. She's on her boss-level shit. So congratulations. I did not say boss girl. I almost said it, or girl boss, but we don't— I feel like that's not it anymore.

It's not. It's not, but it's okay. I am a boss and I am a woman. So it's okay.

She's a boss woman.

Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you for that. That means a lot. I think it's also my— I will tend to hyperfixate on something. When I'm fixing an issue, I will deep dive into it and be like, I don't want to feel like that again. And how do we— I hyperfixate into making sure we set up automations so that that doesn't happen. Um, but yeah, I think listening to her podcast just made me realize like, hey, what happens if, you know, one of my— like something happens to my body, I fall, I'm in a car accident, God forbid, and I can't shoot weddings. Like, am I just relying on this forever?

Um, so.

Just your friendly reminder to think long-term, to, um, yeah, invest. And I will keep you all updated on my journey.

We know you will, queen. We know you're always going to hear it here first. Also, is that the Alex Earl hoodie? The like weighted blanket hoodie?

It is.

It is my favorite. It looks so good. Thank you.

He got them for me for Valentine's Day. Actually, he got me the tan one and the black one. Love.

I love that you said, I'm not just gonna give her one, she needs it in 2 colors.

No, I, I had just bought hoodies in Miami too, and I'm like, oh, thank you. Um, but I will say, if you have this on your list, it's very comfortable. It's a thicker material, but it's not really the— I guess the weighted blanket aspect of it is not what I expected, especially compared to like an actual weighted blanket.

Sure.

So the anxiety part of like feeling That from a hoodie to me wasn't to that level, but it is very comfortable and it is very cute. Great quality.

I love the hood. It looks really cute. Also, you saying the weighted blanket and anxiety, I have a weighted blanket. I need to get that baby out and I need to lay underneath her.

Lay under her, baby.

Lay underneath her. Oh my gosh. Okay, so today's topic, body confidence, getting your mind right. around your body for summer. I think this is something that can— and I mentioned this earlier, but it can stand in the way of us enjoying life. And so do you want to kick off with your first one? Or do you want me to go first?

Yeah, I can go first. I think like, as I was preparing for this topic, something that came to mind for me is that we really need to focus on body confidence from the inside out, even though of course, of course, our bodies are so so external. But anytime that my body confidence has been low, it's because that has been reversed. I focus too much on the external appearance of things rather than on the inverse, which is how do I feel in my body? Am I moving my body? Am I nourishing? Am I sleeping enough? Am I keeping up with my hygiene? Am I like dressing with clothes that I feel like fit me and aren't too tight or too loose? Like, what, what is it that I need and my body needs to feel taken care of? And I think that there's so much of that body confidence that is one, appreciating yourself where you're at in this moment, loving yourself where you're at in this moment, but also being able to just take care of you, like, just that parental part of things. And whenever my body confidence is down, that's like the first thing to go. And I will inverse that and focus on the external. And so as I was writing this, it was a good reminder for myself because I was really struggling with this in the past few weeks of like, okay, what habits and rhythms am I putting in place to really protect this? Because it can be so easy to slip into the other side of that.

Yeah. That's huge. I wrote something very similar, which was be in your body. And it's like similar to what you said, like, I find value in who I am as a person, not in how I look. And the other aspect of that is like, when you do think of your body, how often do you let yourself just be in it? And so like being very present, you know, you're taking yourself on a walk, you're You know, maybe you're at the gym or maybe you are laying in bed, sitting on a chair, like how aware we are of the space that we take up and letting it be what it is instead of, let me like adjust my top and let me make sure that I'm, you know, looking just so. We're like so conscious of the space we take up and how we look and how we're perceived. And it is exhausting.

Yeah.

It is exhausting, and like I think whenever I am at that place where I'm overanalyzing and hyperfixating on my looks, something that helps me is just to like be present in my body. And something like maybe that might be odd to you, but is putting on lotion when I something this is like something I'm actively using to like heal my. relationship with my body. And I think it's always something that will be ongoing for me personally, but is putting on lotion and like literally touching my arms and like putting lotion on my legs and on my stomach and on my chest and like putting the body oil on and like just being aware that this is mine. And yes, this is what it looks like. And like, I love her, or I feel neutral about her, or I'm indifferent towards her.

Mm-hmm.

But I'm still with her. And I think that past me would honestly disassociate with my body. I would be very disconnected. I would be very like, how I thought I looked or what I thought about myself and then what was reality were completely different. And so I just would like have this just severe disconnect between what I really thought about myself and who I actually was.

Mm-hmm.

And I would avoid looking in mirrors. Like I would get out of the shower and I would like not even look in the mirror. I like wouldn't want to see myself even with towels on, even with a robe on. Like I just like would not want to spend any time like really addressing the space I took up in the world. And it's, which is so interesting because photography has been like a huge outlet for me and I love photography. And for some reason, like that always felt safer than a mirror. But I think like, usually if I was taking photos, like I was with a friend or with Matthew, and like it was something that was community driven. But being like looking at a mirror by myself with my own thoughts felt way too heavy. And so that's something that now like when I look in a— when I see a mirror, I look in it. And like I address the space that I take up in the world. And it's really powerful for me. And so those are little things that have helped me when I am in that headspace, just acknowledge it and allow myself to just be in my body and that that is okay. Wow.

Thank you so much for sharing that. I think so many of us can relate to the mirrors aspect, the just ignoring how we look, and even also how we look in pictures. For you, I know community is such a beautiful part of it. And you're like, okay, I am associating with that. And for others, it's like, I don't even want to see myself in pictures.

Yeah.

And I remember when I was going through my divorce, I hated taking pictures during that time because I could see my sadness. And in a weird way, it started just creating this hate towards myself because it's like, I hate that I look that way. And what's happened to me has now affected Even the way that I show up in places and spaces. And I think that being able to take that ownership back is so huge. And your exercise of putting on lotion on your body is so powerful. I love that you share that. It's almost like a form of grounding.

Yes.

With your own body and being able to stop the disassociation and be like, okay, This is who I am. I embrace every curve, every wrinkle, everything about it. And I love that. That reminds me of my therapist. She gave me a similar exercise, and it wasn't putting on lotion, but it was spending time literally naked in front of the mirror and just being like, you need to look at yourself. You need to accept yourself. You need to walk through all the things that make up you. And we just kind of forget that we're a bit of a miracle and what it takes to run our bodies.

Yes.

And my therapist, unfortunately, she had gone through a stage in her life where she was paralyzed half of her body. From one day to another, she was paralyzed and she was in a wheelchair for many years. And she got healed from that, and she was able to get back up. And so she has this deep appreciation for her body because she couldn't use it for so long.

Yeah.

And I think it's stories like that where sometimes it helps me to say, wow, I have— I'm a healthy human being. I'm able to move my body. I'm able to rest. I'm able to have both hands. I have both feet. I have both eyes. Like, I don't have cancer. I don't have all these different things that could happen. And so I think that sometimes when we can bring that gratefulness side into our mindset and our relationship with body, it can release all the nitty-gritty expectations that we might have that we're still working on releasing of how our bodies, quote unquote, should look like. And rather just be like, this is how my body should look like. Like, this is her.

This is Good.

This is perfect. And yeah, I just think those grounding exercises are so powerful, especially when we're feeling that disconnection from ourselves.

Yeah. You brought up a good point around what you say to yourself too in those moments. So I think this kind of lends itself to the self-talk. I know you associate with affirmations. Self-talk for me is when I'm feeling that way, Let's just give you a specific example. Me and the book club girls here in Houston, we planned out our next 3 meetups in May, June, and July. And several of them are at the pool and we're going to go have a beach day. And something that is very common that I could think is like, oh my gosh, what am I going to wear? And which swimsuit am I going to wear? And now I'm nervous. You know, now I'm like going to be seen in some way. And I don't feel this way as much anymore. But this was more so a past version of me would get very, very anxious knowing that I was going to be in a swimsuit in front of people.

Mm-hmm.

I remember going to that lake party with you in 2021. And I had so much anxiety being in front of people like at that stage with my own like Confidence and just, I was so nervous about the space that I took up that I oftentimes think about that in comparison to even making plans with friends now where I'm like, the anxiety isn't there as much, but I do recognize the growth.

Yeah.

And so that's where the self-talk comes in is like, gosh, Alexis, look at how much you've grown. Like, look at how strong you are. Like, look at your muscles or Look at your smile, or, look at how your skin's glowing, and, make sure to wear sunscreen. We want to take care of ourselves. We want to take care of our skin. And, oh, we love this swimsuit. We bought this and we feel so good in it. And, just those little things that can be deep or can be lighthearted, but the way that we speak to ourselves really, it changes everything.

Yeah.

Our mindset around what we say to ourselves and what what we believe. And I think that's a big thing is changing your beliefs about your body and changing what is possible for you. It is possible to feel neutral about your body. It is possible to accept it. It is possible to love it. It is possible to have empathy for yourself. And I think where beliefs can come in, and a past version of me used to think this, is like, that's never possible. For me, I will never get to a place where I accept myself. I will never get to a place where I feel comfortable in a swimsuit. I will never, and I believed that piece. And so I'm not saying that like overnight, you know, you're just going to change your beliefs. But the self-talk, you know, and the thoughts that take up space in your brain, they do end up coming out in your behavior and your beliefs. And so if we can start with how we think about ourselves, I really do believe that it can change your beliefs, which then change your actions.

Absolutely. That is so powerful, like the limiting beliefs that we can have around something. And I learned this from my friend Nicole. Like, she— well, she studied this, but the neural pathways that we create in our mind whenever a thought pattern is created is like think of the woods, and if you walk that path every single day, you're going to clear that path. But then if you're wanting to go in a different direction in the woods, you're going to have to learn to clear a new path and create a new pathway for yourself. And that's why the affirmations and how we speak to ourselves matter so much. Even like you're saying, before you take the action, because A lot of times we will also sabotage what our habits would be like. Say you want to work out or you want to do your skincare and all these different things, we'll sabotage it because we feel like we don't deserve it. And so that has been a huge part of my journey. And as you were sharing, I was thinking about how you and I have both navigated so many different conversations about body confidence, even in our in-betweens where It really ebbs and flows, right? And so a lot of these things that we're sharing today is more of our long-term relationship with our body. And it's trending up, but it's still ebbs and— it's still ebb and flowing. And so how do we manage our mind and our emotions when we're having one of those days where we're invited to— The lake, the pool, the beach, the trip is here, and your mind just starts spiraling. You want to hide. I had one of these days in November for my birthday, and I just had to remind myself, like, there is bigger things than just my body. Like, there are more important things. I— my life is worth celebrating, and what I look like is not even close to being important as much as who I am as a person. But it can really mess with you and when you're in that spot. So from your perspective, or even just for us to just chat through, what are some things that as our listeners are tuning into this podcast that we can all do this summer when you're faced with those emotions and that mindset?

Yeah, I'll start simple and then we can go complex.

Okay.

The simplest thing that genuinely changes my mood is music. I have, I just love music. I have a connection to music and I, it can transport my emotions, my feelings. And I have a couple of different playlists on Spotify that are for like my hot girl playlists. Like, you know what, we're in a weird funk. We're not being very nice to ourselves. We feel, you know, all that old mind trash is coming up to the surface. I need to do something with this.

Yeah.

I'm a huge believer in like, we need to release that energy and put it somewhere. So when that comes up, it just sitting there, I need to do something with it. And so for me, it's like putting on a playlist, dancing, singing, singing it out, and just feeling more energetic in a way. I like to shift my energy because usually when I'm feeling that way about my body, I'm very low. And so I'm like, how do I, in a healthy way, get high?

Yeah.

bring energy back into my body in a way that feels really good. And music does that for me. What about you?

I love that. I think there's a few things. Sometimes I'm trying to make a certain outfit work and that will then spiral me and I'll be like, oh, I don't look like I thought I would look when I would put this swimsuit on or this dress or whatever. So just not forcing it and being able to have a few other options where I'll say, Okay, I'm going to feel my most confident if I wear a one-piece today, or if I wear that other one that fits better for these days. And I think this is huge as women because we have cycles. We're going to look so different every single week. And it doesn't matter what you do, that's just part of your cycle. And so being able to even have if you can, bathing suits for different times where it's like, this is for when I'm feeling a little bit different than the other times of the month. But yeah, I think for me it's not forcing the clothes, not forcing the thing, and doing the things that make me feel the best in my body.

Mm-hmm.

Like putting on ChapStick, putting on lip gloss, doing my skincare, doing my gua sha, making sure my hair is done. grabbing the sunnies that I love, doing other things that are also a part of my body than just the area that I'm hyperfixating on.

Yes.

So shifting the hyperfixation to more of a wider scale as well. And this might be cheesy, but lately I've just been thinking about— I had some incredible brides last year, and a lot of them had such amazing confidence, and I just feel so inspired by them. And whenever I'm in those funks this year, I literally think back to them and how confident they were in themselves no matter what happened, no matter how the dress shifted around, no matter how the arms look. They looked amazing and radiant, but they weren't stressing about it.

Yeah.

Sometimes I can stress about it. And so super cheesy, but literally motivated by my own clients and their body confidence and just seeing that on their wedding where they're just like, yeah, I feel great and I accept myself just as I am this entire day, is very motivating.

Something that— and I love that, like, thinking of someone that exudes that confidence and like almost trying it on, like cosplaying as them, where you're like, you know what, I'm gonna try on like that person's energy and help it like lift my energy up. Something else that helps me is focusing on And I don't know if this fits for everybody, but I like to focus on like who I am as a person, like my character and who I know myself to be and like things I've done or things I've accomplished, mountains I've literally climbed with my body. Like think of what I have done up to this point. And it helps me kind of displace some of that energy that I'm focusing so much on how I look into this is who you are, this is what you've done, this is the kind of person you are. And like shifting that energy to focus on that. And that has also helped me. Like get a little bit more grounded.

I love that. I think being able to focus your body on like, here's what we holistically have done and here's how holistically you are amazing, is huge. But yeah, thank you for sharing. I think that is an area that a lot of women struggle with. We've grown up with a lot of certain beauty standards and a lot of social media that isn't real, and we expect ourselves to look a certain way when Someone has shot. And as a photographer, I'll say it, like, you shoot 500 photos and I turn in 10, and those are the ones that look incredible. And so I think like being able to navigate that too, of like, this is my full imperfection, like not perfect self, and we get to accept that. And I don't need to wait until there's this curated version of me that that's what I see in the mirror and to then accept myself. But I can accept myself right now as I am. And so for our listeners, I think being able to take a step back, if you do struggle with body confidence, if you do feel like you have more of that anxiety as summer builds up, like what are some things that you find very nourishing that helps you feel better on those lower days and almost have like a game plan for when those days come up? You light the candle, you have the outfit that you love, you buy the drink that you love, you— whatever it might be, you call a friend, you look at photos of great memories that you have and the mountains you have climbed and the things you have done in your body. So prep for that summer so that when the day comes, hopefully the time that it takes to recover from our own mindset can be a little bit shorter.

Yeah, that's great advice. How do you navigate the comparison that can come up, like either comparing ourselves to what we see online or comparing ourselves to our friends. And this is something that, like, as women, I think we can do. It's almost subconscious. I don't think it's intentional, but it's just sometimes our brain goes there. So how do you navigate that and, like, draw a line with yourself? of like, hey, we're not going to go there? Yeah.

Hmm. That's a great question. I think comparison online genuinely pops— to me, it's more of an alert that I am at a low spot in my self-confidence, in my body image journey. And so when I notice that comparison, it's a time to step back away from the fitness, the summer outfit inspos, the swimsuit, like, shopping situation, because I'm just not in a stable mentally place to, like, take that in. When I am feeling, um, more stable in that, and I just feel like this honestly ebbs and flows week to week, then, um, then yeah, I'll consume that content. And I just don't let my mind get to the point of, like, I'm supposed to look like this. And I shift it to How motivating that they have had this amount of discipline to look this way. Or like, wow, what from this do I want to take? Or I love her recipes, or I love her workout set, whatever. Rather than I need to look like her, I'm just drawing inspiration to be like, cool, that's a version and I want to become my version of that. What does that look like?

Yes.

One is more creative and exciting and drawing inspiration while the other is full-on negative comparison. Like, I'm not good enough and I need to look like her. And that is a red sign that I need to take a step back. Really quick.

I want to pause on that because I think that's so important. I'm so glad you said that, the distinction between the two. And allowing your mind to separate them. Like, we do consume content online, and so much of it can be inspirational. But I think, like, I just want to drill in on the distinction that you said around when we feel like I need to look like that in order to feel happy, fulfilled, whatever the feeling is. I think you really, like, hit the nail on the head of, like, that is where the mental negativity can really break down. So I'm going to be more aware now that I even have that language of like, oh, am I drawing inspiration from this or am I feeling like I need to look like that? And then it's almost like copying. Like, I just need to be just like that. And that's not who we are. We're individualists, we're creative, we're independent. We don't need to look or be like anybody. But it's like that where we are in that headspace, we feel like we need to take it on and we're like, why? I just wish I looked like that, or my hair, or whatever it is. And that is so spot on. So thank you for making that distinction. That's really helpful for me.

Yeah, I'm glad that was helpful. Thank you for the question because I don't think I've ever organized it like that in my mind and communicated that. And I also feel like it's such a thin line to navigate from one side to the other. And there's, I don't think, fully ever going to be a time where you don't struggle with it. We just navigate so many different things as we age. If you decide to have kids, if you— whatever it is.

Yeah.

And so I think giving yourself the grace when you are on the other side is also just as important, because if not, that shame I think can make it hard to even step into the creative side of things, because then you're stuck in the shame cycle of, I don't look like this, well, now I feel bad, well, I don't even deserve to even dream over here.

Yeah.

Um, so yeah, and as far as the friends question, I love that you brought this up because I think this is something we navigate literally since we're kids.

But we don't talk about it.

We don't talk about it. And I, I can literally think back to being like 2nd or 3rd grade and being like, oh my gosh, her skirt, or like, oh, her legs are like so much thinner than mine. And like, I always felt ugly because I was like, I'm so tall. I wish I was short and tiny because then all the boys were just so much shorter than me. So all these thought processes date back so much for me, even till today. Obviously, I've grown a lot through that. And so right now I feel like a lot of the same thought process applies, but the other layer is protecting yourself from jealousy. So if I see— I feel like adding compliments and being like, oh, you look amazing, I love this on you, etc., rather than like, oh, I'm not gonna let her know how good she looks, then you just scroll on by.

That's petty.

It's like, whoa, yeah, the pettiness. That is just not who I am and that is not who I want to be. And so, yeah, I think the comparison can be really hard, especially around the summertime. But in general, how someone's dressed, how someone's— you show up to a party and then you don't love your outfit and friends or all the girls are dressed in a certain way and you're just not there. Honestly, I think this side I'm still figuring out. I think when I travel, I can sometimes struggle with that too, of comparing myself to other women and being like, oh, maybe I wish I looked like that. Or if I lived in a city, I would have more movement or more whatever. Because you see this trend of people moving to the city and then they just get so much healthier and stronger and all these things. So those are all mindsets that you have. I've had to navigate.

Yeah.

And been like, no, that's not true. And they have their own journey and they look beautiful and I can be beautiful in my own self. And And I think that's the main thing is, can we work to have our own confidence so that we can enjoy just walking into a room, loving how we look and supporting everybody else and being like, oh, I love your dress. You look so good. You look so hot. I'm proud to be here with my girls and I've been there a lot too. And so I want to learn how to live in that space more and how do I let go of the other side.

But— Yeah.

From your perspective, what are some ways or some thoughts on that?

Oh yeah. I think, I think that my experience with this unfortunately has been through the lens of other people. Like I have noticed that I was different because someone else made a comment about me being different. Um, like in, in college, I was on the college dance team and the team, the the coach made comments about my body in relation to the rest of the team.

Oh no.

Being out with girlfriends in Nashville and like having a guy say something mean to me about my body in relation to like my friends. So I think that when you experience that level of awareness, like, oh, I'm not just aware of it, but everybody else is aware of it. Cool. Like, that's a whole other layer of insecurity when you experience other people's perception of you. And like, that's— that then becomes the most important thing about you to them, for them to say something about it. And like, I want to be— I want my body and my appearance to be the least important thing about me and the least interesting thing about me. I'm working on that. Like, I am Working on that, but I will say that something that's helped me is recognizing that when those comments and situations have happened in my life, I try to look at my friends and say like they they are who they are. Like I accept them as they are. They can't do anything about that. Like they didn't. They're not. Their existence is not to hurt me. And when I look and compare myself to my friends, it's basically saying like in my brain, this is how I think about it. Like with jealousy and pettiness and all of that is like something in that line of like, oh well, like I am letting them make me feel negative and they don't want me to feel negative. These are my best friends. These are my close. These are my girls. Like they don't want that kind of energy and that's not why Like, there's nothing intentional about that. I am putting the intent into the mental conversation of like, oh, they look better, they're dressed better, they— whatever the narrative is. And so I think those are some things that I have had to work through of recognizing like my people are for me and they don't want me to feel that way. Like, I don't want to feel that way, but they definitely don't want me to feel that way.

Mm-hmm.

And so I think when I can also look at it from that perspective of like, gosh, if, if Astrid knew that I felt that way, like, she would never want me to feel that way. Why am I allowing that thought to, you know, become so big and become so powerful? I don't, I don't think that— I don't, I don't know, I'm not a psychologist, but I don't think that I'll ever get to a point where I don't think the thoughts.

Mm-hmm.

It's that I don't want to give power to the thoughts. And I think that with body confidence and body neutrality and acceptance and all of that, like, I'm not saying that I think I'll get to a point where I never think about myself or my body or what I'm perceived or comparison, but it's just not wanting to give it a lot of power over myself.

Yeah.

And that's something I've worked on with comparison a lot. Or like trying to compare me to my past self. But then that's also not been great for me either sometimes. So I'm just trying to like let go of comparison altogether. But here we are in the middle, in the in-between.

In the in-between. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that. I think a huge element of this is the community that we're surrounded by too. And as women being so wise and thoughtful about who we allow around us and how they speak about us. And I think that something you do really, really well is you always hype up your girls. You're always like, oh, this looks so good on you. This color looks amazing. Wow, you're doing so good. And that overall creates an environment where it's like, well, now I want to tell you all the things. Oh, you look beautiful. This is the best dress I've ever seen you wear. You look so strong. All these different things. And honestly, Honestly, I think that community can heal us and can help our struggle with our body dysmorphia in a sense, because it's like the people that are around me that see me all the time, if I'm working on myself and my thought process and the people I trust the most tell me that they see all these beautiful things in me physically and not physically, and so they're always affirming me in multiple ways. Then it reaffirms the thought that, yes, I am more than my body. And also I am beautiful and I look great and this color looks good and this dress looks good. And so I think a huge element of this is community, because when we have— when I think about the women sometimes that I was surrounded by, that they focus too much on appearance and the conversations were like, oh yeah, I don't love how my body looks in this, or I need to go and go fix all these other things and get all these other surgeries. And it was from a mindset of lack. Then I started thinking of like, well, yeah, I guess I want to get this done and then do all those other things as well.

Yeah.

So protect that community that you do have and nourish it and give that feedback and those positive compliments as well.

Yeah. I think something that goes along with community and surrounding yourself with women and just people in general that are uplifting and kind and don't put emphasis on your physicality is boundaries. And so a couple of different phrases that I like to use is like, You know, I'm not comfortable discussing that person's body, or like, I'm not sure what their weight or appearance has to do with this conversation. I'm actually not comfortable discussing like my body right now. Like just like being able to put those boundaries up. And while it's hard to say, it also is an expression of self-love and respect that like if you are consistently uncomfortable. With someone in your life who is making you feel some type of way in your body or just the space that you take up, like you deserve to have a voice in that situation. You deserve to, you know, ask for them to stop and to like put a boundary up. You know, it can be harder, I think, with people that are in older generations. Like they just like make comments and you're like, what are you— what are you thinking? What's going on up here? Like—

Not okay.

It's not okay. But our generation's a lot more in tune, I think, with that. And it's like, hey, we don't— I, I don't make comments about how people look in that way. Like, yeah, and if I do, it's all positive. Like, oh, I love their hair. Or like, how do you get your eyebrows like that? Your eyebrows look so freaking good. Like, it's stuff like that where it's uplifting and hopefully connective to someone. Um, and so I think the boundaries around how you want to talk about people How you want people to talk about you, like that is in your control. And slowly but surely, you'll probably just stop hanging out with people that do that. Or they'll learn, or they'll say, hey, you know what, I didn't realize that that was so harmful. I'm going to be more mindful. And like, that's an opportunity for them to grow. Or they show you consistently that, hey, you know what, that's fine. They're just like gonna keep doing what they're doing. And I can choose to not spend as much time with them and not surround myself with that kind of energy. Because it's just, it's not healthy for us. Like, as we have enough going on in our brain, you know, like, we don't need to surround ourselves with people that are going to be negative or talk down to us or other people, especially on something like your physicality. Absolutely.

Yeah. Oh my gosh, I think this is so essential because this can be a really hard layer. Where it's uncomfortable to set that boundary with family, with friends, with coworkers. I had a coworker once, I had lost quite a bit of weight because I was on a strict diet to heal my allergies and my gut health. And so anyway, she went up to me and in front of a group, she was like, are you okay? You've lost so much weight. And I understand the aspect of being concerned, but that's just not the way to address something like that. And so I just felt so uncomfortable, so embarrassed.

I'm so sorry. My clothes were—

thank you. But yeah, it was just like my clothes were already not fitting me how I wanted them to fit. They were loose in the wrong ways. And yeah, it was very, very uncomfortable. And so I think being aware of how we show that we care, even when someone loses weight, gains weight, and you're like, is there a health concern here? Right? Even like, with our parents as they get older. How do you address those things in a more loving way and thoughtful way that isn't going to make them feel like they have to be ashamed of their bodies?

Yeah.

And so I think that's huge. And something else with boundaries I think is the boundaries with yourself when it comes to your body. So something that I do is I don't own a scale. For me, I used to struggle quite a bit. There was a season around 2016, 2017 where I was very into fitness, lifting 5 to 6 days a week and got really healthy. But then at one point in there, it got unhealthy where I was extremely tracking all my macros, and if it didn't fit it, then it was not good. And that's good food and bad food, and the language was really rough. And I would weigh myself every day. And personally, I don't— it hurt me more than it helped me.

Yeah.

Because as a goal-oriented person, from one week to another, my weight would fluctuate, not taking into account I'm a woman and my cycle will also make my weight fluctuate. And so my mental health was not in a safe space. So for each person, that will be very different every time. Maybe you just need to cut certain things from your life for a season while you're back in a place where you can then start weighing yourself. Like, I know many people that weigh themselves every week and they have zero issues with it, but I know for me that's triggering and I don't want to know. I just want to work out, feel healthier, and I will gauge it based off of how my clothes look. So I think having boundaries around that and boundaries around language too is something that I am still very much working on is like, the good food, bad food, especially if you're really focused on nourishing your body and like, I'm trying to hit my protein right now. And so just, I guess I just never want to make other people feel bad for their food choices. And even having a partner that chooses different food than I do is like, how do I navigate that conversation where I never wanted to feel shaming of like, oh, you're eating this and I'm eating that. And so I think in general, creating some boundaries around good food, bad food, how we talk about our bodies, how we talk about our appearance, or even challenging ourselves to, hey, I'm getting together with the girls. Can we not talk about our appearance at all? What would a night like that look like?

Yes. I love the boundaries around language, too, with the good food and bad food. This is something my sister-in-law does with her kids. She calls it fuel food and fun food. And fuel is like your protein and your veggies and like your, your like heavy nutrients that you want to get that day. And then your fun food is ice cream and all the other like fun things, you know, that we can eat and that we get to, that we get to consume. And that can really change your own mindset around like how you then talk about food. And it can be helpful because I've definitely been in situations where someone's like, oh my gosh, you're eating that? That's like so bad for you. And I'm like literally eating it, like in the act of eating it. And I'm like, leave me alone. That's sick. Like, I'm like, alrighty. So, and I think like we have to let like, um, we have to be accountable for our own sensitivity, you know? Like we, we can't, the whole world cannot just like be You know, so sensitive to what we need it to be, and I recognize that. But what we can control is we can control how we talk to ourselves. We can control, you know, the boundaries of people in our lives. We're like, "Hey, I'm struggling with this," or "I don't really want to talk about that." Like you can put those boundaries up, and I hope this was helpful. Like this was a really—I think I'm gonna—I think I'm gonna take a break from my scale. I think you've inspired me. Like. For a long time, weighing myself has been fine, neutral, motivating, like pretty, pretty like standard. And I do feel like the last couple of weeks, months, to probably the last like 2 months to be, if I'm honest with you, it has like not been what it used to be. And maybe that's like one of the things that's contributing to me feeling like some type of way. So thank you for bringing that up because I think I'm gonna go I'm gonna tell Matt. I don't know where we're gonna put it, but he can do whatever he wants, but I don't want to see it.

Yeah, yeah. Well, let me know how it goes. I'm curious. I will. I feel like everyone has such a different relationship with the scale, and it can fluctuate too. So I'm curious how that goes for you. And honestly, you've inspired me to do more of like a grounding exercise with my body and have that routine and like that affirmations. I've never really done that as much with my body. And I think that might be what I'm needing, especially right before going into like this season of summertime and swimsuit and all that good stuff. So I adore our conversations and how we record them for our listeners, but also I always walk away with so many inspirational things and takeaways and just realizations as well. So. I hope that you all found this helpful. If you have found even just an aspect of this helpful, please let us know. You can always reach out to us on our Instagram @inbetween.pod. You can reach out to me if you want to connect @astrojohannaphoto.

Or you can always connect with me @alexisteichmiller. And with that, my dear friends, we will see you next week.