Comparison, Body Image, and Self-Compassion

Welcome to The In Between Podcast. I'm Astrid.

And I'm Alexis. And we're 2 best friends on a journey to living a fun, intentional life.

We know it's easier to share on a season of life once it's behind you, but what about when you're in the middle of the growth, confusion, and decision-making?

This lifestyle podcast is for the everyday gal who loves to travel, talk about business, relationships, fashion, and everything in between. Hello friends. And welcome back to another episode of The In Between Pod. It's one half of the pod, Alexis.

And the other half, Astrid. And today we are continuing our summer theme, and I'm so excited for this one because if you listened to our pod last week, we talked about setting summer intentions. And so as you're maybe dreaming your summer up and realizing what are the things that you want to focus on, There might be maybe some comparison that pops up where you might be wanting to compare perhaps last summer to this summer and your own expectations, or perhaps what other people have planned for their summer to what you are doing right now in this season of life. Maybe you're in a season where you have to deep dive into work or you don't have as much PTO or you're doing your master's and you can't travel and you want to travel. So we're going to touch base on quite a few different layers of comparison. And just our own takes as far as how to combat that as summer comes up.

Yeah, I'm really excited about this because I think that when, like me last summer, I moved in the middle of last summer. And so everyone's with their friends, they're being super social, and I'm in a new city where I don't really know anyone. And I'm like, oh, okay, my summer, while it was great, I didn't really have that social element aside from you came to visit me in Houston and then Kate came to visit me late summer, but it wasn't necessarily like the social elements. So I think it's really easy to compare and to maybe even have a little bit of envy or jealousy in such a— like, I think summer, in my opinion, is like when everyone's Instagram's popping off too. Everyone's like traveling and doing things. And I think seeing it can sometimes make you feel like jealous or like, oh, I wish I was doing that. Maybe even have a little bit of FOMO. So I'm excited about this episode. But before we dive in— Life updates. How have you been?

What are you up to?

Life updates.

Oh, my gosh. Okay, so whenever this was happening, I was literally thinking, I can't wait to share this on the pod for next week. But my brother celebrated his 35th birthday this past weekend, and his name is Mario. And so what he wanted for his 35th birthday was for us to go go-karting. And he dressed up as Mario, like Super Mario Bros., and his wife dressed up as And we all went in our t-shirts. And I just loved it so much because he's such a kid at heart. And here he is during the week doing these crazy real estate deals and he's deep dived into his business, killing it. And then he's just able to tap into this very light kid-like energy.

Yeah.

And I realized this past weekend how much I need to— well, A, how much I crave it. And B, how much I need to and want to step more into that of just having fun. And so I genuinely caught myself overthinking go-karting. I was like, okay, how are they winning? How are they doing this? I was starting to get stressed about how I was going to go on the thing.

Yeah.

And there's also an element of trying new things that feels scary. Like, I'm going to look dumb. Am I not going to do all these things? And so it was really good to self-check and evaluate through that experience. and be like, literally my purpose right now is to just have fun. Come on, Astrid, just tone it down a few notches. And once I walked myself through that, it was such a lovely experience. So yeah, so we did that this past weekend. And then it was probably the 4th time that my boyfriend hung out with my family. So green flags all around because he dressed up for this as well. And so I was like, welcome to my crazy family. I love that. But yeah, so that's been going on. And now I am prepping to leave to the beach for about a week. So I'm very excited.

Yes, beach vacay. I am so excited for you. And yeah, green flags all around. When there's a theme and men dress up for themes and like actually kind of go all in on it, I definitely think that's a green flag. Like the whole, oh, I'm too cool to dress up for the theme, immediate ick for me.

Absolutely. That would have been— I would have had a single girl summer if that would have been How about you?

Um, really good. That last couple of days have been really solid. We drove home. We're in Illinois, um, actually just like an hour before Ashton and I are recording, we like hung out in person, which was so good. Um, home in Illinois this week, spending time with family and friends. And the big reason we came back, aside from like just seeing our families, was we need to do like our yearly external upkeep of our rental property. So, we're changing out some lighting, putting on some shutters, doing a bit of painting, power washing. And so, yeah, we're like, well, one, it's really nice because we don't have to rent those things. We can borrow them from our families because both of our dads have anything that you could ever want in terms of home improvement. So, that's been really helpful. So, yeah, we're working on that in the evenings and working during the day. And then, Spending time with family and friends, so it feels really good. I drove. Oh, okay. This is actually something I've never done before. So Matthew and I drove home. Well, Matthew drove. I passenger princess my way from Texas to Illinois. I love. I love you, Matthew. But I read a fiction book out loud to him on the way home, and that was so fun. Like one, Matthew is like. All into nonfiction. Like, he's very into, like, you know, finances and real estate podcasts. And like, if he's listening to something, it's like for personal or financial development. And I love that for him. But I'm like, if I'm reading something, I am like wanting to be entertained. And so I was like, how about I am like your physical— or I'm like a real-life podcast or Audible book, and I read you a fiction book. So I read yesterday out loud for like, I'm not even kidding, between like 7 and 8 hours, I'm pretty sure. Oh my God. On the 12-hour trip, I read this book out loud. It's really good. It's called The Fourth Wing. And it's kind of like Hunger Games meets like How to Train Your Dragon vibes. But it's a really good fantasy novel. And I think I may have converted Matthew to fiction. I don't know. The jury's still out. But he won't let me read it without him now. He's like, You're not reading it without me, are you? So I'm going to be reading it, reading to him before we go to sleep.

He's in love with the Audible girl.

I'm like over here trying to pronounce words. I'm like, I don't know how to say this.

But anyways, welcome to my life, dude.

I feel like fantasy books do the most with the names. You know, they're like naming something and they're like, Tarragonian, Shanana, Banana, Banana. I'm like, What? How am I supposed to pronounce this?

But anyways, it's been, it's been good. That is incredible. I love it. I might try it for a little bit because we're road tripping down to the beach. Yeah, I might be like, Nick, I'm gonna read you a book.

Yes, I am excited. There haven't been any spicy parts of the book yet, but I am excited about reading those out loud. I'm like, what's gonna happen? You know what I mean? Like, how is Matthew gonna respond to me reading these things out loud?

That is amazing. Yeah, a healthy marriage, new layer unlocked.

Agreed. Okay, what are you in between right now?

All right, I am in between a lot. So one of the things that I am in between and has been top of mind for the past four days or probably the week, I whenever I went to Paris, I didn't necessarily blow my budget, but there was no budget.

So how can you blow a budget if there is no budget?

Key to success.

You heard it on the pod first.

Terrible financial advice. Finance with Astrid. No, but I realized how much anxiety I had about money whenever I didn't know the total amount that I spent. And it was, I think I'm usually very strict about my money, but for some reason for this trip, I was just like, oh, I'm just going to go and have fun and go enjoy myself. So whenever I came back, instead of, and I really, really recommend this, instead of just being like, okay, I will go ahead and do a— the new month is starting, so I'll just start fresh and try to just stay to my budget this month. I I went back and tracked every single transaction that I had in Paris and what I spent. And then I looked at the full-on number of what I spent on shopping specifically. And that enough has been a great motivator for me to not spend on shopping in these coming months. So that was the first layer. But then the second layer of that was, at first, I guess I felt guilty and being like, oh my gosh, okay, I need to be more responsible in this area. But now I am in the excited stage. So I listened to this other podcast and this girl, she's from TikTok, and she talked about how she has different banking accounts.

Mm-hmm.

And so she will have like her main account and then create a new one for like her emergency fund and then a new one for travel and a new one for shopping. And so every month from her budget, she will send X amount to that budget. And then whenever she wants to go shopping, that's the money she has. Whenever she wants to plan a trip with friends, she's like, okay, yes, I have enough, or maybe next time.

Yeah.

So I'm trying that and I'm really excited because I was saving a big chunk of my income every month, but it just went to a general savings. And so now I'm splitting my, uh, emergency fund To everything else, including I'm going to have like an investing account. So now I can start saving towards whatever opportunity might come up later. So yeah, I think it just brings that excitement. Um, and also relating to today's topic on comparison, if you're able to take a step back to what goals you have and what life you want to live a year from now, 6 months from now, how do you want your holidays to look like? Like, do you want them to be financially stressful or? more light? What do you want your life to look like 5 years from now? Then I feel like that helps with the comparison game of wanting to shop for new clothes or go on every single trip or do every home improvement thing or buy all the flowers. I feel like I am in a less reactive state of mind right now and I feel more grounded. And I kind of want to try to barely shop for clothes this summer actually, and just move most of my budget towards travel. So yeah, that's, that's what I'm in between.

I love that. I'm proud of you for recognizing like the kind of unsettled, anxious feeling. 'Cause like sometimes when we're feeling anxious about our finances, we can, at least I'm speaking on behalf of me, I can further avoid them or like, oh, like I'm feeling kind of nervous. Like I'll just look at that later. And I'm proud of you for like coming home, making a plan. And also having those different buckets of your savings or what you're budgeting for instead of just this one big pile, I think it also gives you more freedom because you're like, okay, I've planned for this versus like, oh, I have all this money in savings. That can sometimes be overwhelming. Or I'm like, look at all the money that I have in my savings. I can spend it on all of this instead of like, okay, no, we're setting aside some of that for this, for this and that. So I think that's really smart. So kudos to you. Yeah, Paris, you know, Paris has that way, you know, and just like it'll kind of, it'll kind of like, you know, sneak up on you and you're like, I'm here, I'm having fun. I get more spendy when I'm traveling. So I really understand that. So respect.

Thank you. Thank you. And I think also just seeing the amount, it wasn't that I regretted spending that whole amount. I think it's just that if I would've just from the beginning, told myself I have this whole amount to spend in shopping, I probably would have just bought 1 or 2 things that were more luxury than just another dress and another skirt and another thing. And I already have a lot of those. So yeah, I think that just made me realize, okay, do I actually need 10,000 new dresses for the summer? There's only so many weeks in the summer that I can wear this to.

Right.

Or would I rather save this and travel in the fall and take a fun trip? with, you know, somebody else. So, um, so yeah, I— all reflection. I hope this helps somebody. Whoever is out there feeling maybe a little anxious about money, just know that if you're in the forefront of it, it has helped me, so maybe it'll help you. But what are you in between?

Oh, I'm like, do I piggyback off of the finance or— um, okay, let me think here. I would say something that I am in between And you and I talked about this in person as well, is navigating being more honest in my friendships. I think I have a very assertive personality, and that can sometimes come across as like being very overbearing or being very opinionated. And there are aspects of that about myself that I love, and I'll never regret or never take back like who I am. But I'm also very cautious about how that opinionated, extroverted part of me can show up in my friendships. And so I feel like over the last couple years, I have really been trying to nurture friendships, especially long-distance friendships. And so I've found myself sometimes not really saying what I really feel, or if someone's asking for my opinion, I sometimes will kind of be like, but what do you think? And it's like, no, they're They're trusting me enough to ask for what I actually think, and I should be honest with them about what I actually think. And I've found myself trying to kind of be more palatable or just be more neutral. And I have noticed that, and I'm like, I want to intentionally do better at still being respectful of people's choices, And also, if they do open the door for my input, like actually walking through the door instead of being like, oh, you know, and like kind of just being more neutral and more like throwing it back to them. So I feel like in the last couple of months, I've kind of felt that invitation like pop up when I'm in my relationships. And I'll feel this tendency of like, well, I don't want to lose this friendship. And so I've found like I've tied using my voice to like if I say something that hurts someone, they're they're gonna leave. And I found I feel like that there's an element of like people pleasing there where I'm like well if I just like placate or like be neutral or just kind of like push it back to them then it means like I'm I'm safe. I don't know how to explain that but like I've just been feeling that more in my friendships where I'm like I just want to. feel a full level of vulnerability all the way through. And I feel like when someone's asking for your opinion or wanting your input, use it. Be honest.

Yeah.

And actually give them that layer of vulnerability within your friendship. So that's something I'm in between just continuing to explore that. And I'll even feel myself like I'll say something and then I'm like, okay, yeah, that actually feels really good. I stand by that. I feel like I communicated that well, and I'm glad I spoke up. Whereas in the past, I would be like having these things I wish I could say or wish I would bring up, but I'd be like kind of scared. So anyways, I'm 30 and still figuring out how to like show up in my friendships and be vulnerable and things like that. So that's what I'm mentioning right now.

Yeah, that's such— I love that conversation that we were having around that because I think that whenever you're someone that is bold, is confident, your friends are going to gravitate to coming towards you because you make decisions in your own life very thoroughly and confidently. And so because of that, it's almost like you naturally gravitate towards you. And so whenever you shy away from it, That's the element of Alexis that we love. But I love that you're bringing that up on here because I'm sure there's a lot of listeners as well that have that personality that is very strong and direct. And so almost like a follow-up question to what you're sharing, what would be like one or two things that you think have been very helpful in navigating how to communicate and be direct still in your friendships, but still do it in like a loving or respectful way?

I think what's helped is brevity. Like, when someone is asking for my opinion, I try not to go too layered or too deep. Like, I want to keep it simple and I want to keep my feedback very concise because I think when someone opens the door and you walk through it and then you stay there for too long, I think that's when you can There's like your friends, your friend can be like, oh gosh, you really had a lot to say about this, you know? Um, so I think it like, it depends on the topic and depends on the situation. But that's something that I, if someone asks, I actually try to keep my feedback into like a couple of sentences. And then if they want to go deeper, they will ask, okay, like, okay, so you said this, what do you like? Tell me more. If they are seeking that, then I will meet them there. But it's almost like I'll give you this first layer of feedback and I'm going to keep it really high level. And then if that felt okay and you want to continue, then let's continue in this deeper direction. That has something that has really helped because I think it— yeah, feedback can go in so many different directions. And so I just start high level and then see how they respond. And if they want to keep going, they do. And if not, which has also happened, They're like, "Thank you. I hear you. I definitely see where you're coming from. I need to process that." And I'm like, "Cool." You know, like I'm happy to talk about it anytime if you want to like come back and talk about it. I would say that's probably the biggest thing that's helped is just using some discernment on like length of input because you also like you love your friends. You know, like yeah, don't say and stay on topic if they're like asking you for feedback. That's also something that I have done is I'll get off topic on something else where I'm like, and then see how this connects to that and then this and this and this. And it's like, good God, Alexis, it's too much.

Full life analysis. No, but I think that that is such powerful input because I tend to go very long-winded. And when someone asks me for my opinion, it's almost like I feel like I have to defend my point. So I'm like, this is why I think all of this. So I love that because it's such a respectful—

What's that? No, it's like I've come with my list, you know, and it's like being respectful and brief and like detailed, but not going too much based on how, you know, where they are and what capacity they have. And then I also am like, do you really want to know? Do you really want to know my thoughts or do you just need me to listen? Or do you really want me to help you solve this? And sometimes I'll ask that before giving any input. And I think that also helps them like, actually, no, I just need you to listen. And I'm like, cool, I won't go into solution mode with you. Or they're like, no, I don't need you to comfort me. I need you to give me the honest truth. What do you think I should do? And I'm like, okay, I'll meet you there. But kind of giving them that, what is it that you really need from this conversation? That will also help too.

Absolutely. Oh my gosh, I feel like we need to do a whole pod episode on navigating those hard conversations with your friends or giving input into their lives, because I think we could go back and forth for quite a bit. But I love that you shared that. Thank you for sharing that with The listeners. And if you want us to record an episode on that, slide into the DMs and let us know.

Yeah, if you want us to record a whole episode on it, I feel like we have both navigated really hard conversations in our life with our family, with our friends. Um, and I think it's— there's an art to it. You're not always going to do it perfectly, but I think if you're just like, if you know that the intentions are there and the heart is there, then I think it's definitely worth going much deeper with your friendships. But let's talk about comparison. Um, I, I know I love this topic, especially this summer. And maybe this is like an interesting place for us to start, is there's no doubt that summertime, you know, we're doing outdoorsy activities, we're in our swimsuits, we're by bodies of water. I think that there can be a natural aspect of summer that brings a whole other layer of awareness of what our body looks like because we're showing maybe more skin, we're in a swimsuit. And I think it can be— I don't know, there's mixed thoughts on— in the spring, it's like we're getting our summer bod ready and there's just a lot of that kind of input narrative in our culture. And Yeah, I think it'd be interesting if we started there around just body comparison in summertime.

Absolutely. I think that there's a big layer of like, we will compare ourselves to other women and perhaps the unrealistic expectations that sometimes we see online. And personally, I feel like I've navigated just comparing myself to past versions of me a lot. And that has been really kind of trippy, honestly, where I'll be like, I remember how I felt in that moment. And in that moment, I didn't feel confident in my body. And I was nitpicking at all these things. But now, 2 summers later, I'm like, I actually really like how I looked back then. And why was I nitpicking at it? And why did I put so much stress on it? And so it is something that I am navigating right now as well, and especially prepping for the beach trip and it's the first summery thing that I'm doing too, is focusing more on the moment than my body. I deserve to have joy. I deserve to be present. My body is healthy. I work out, I eat healthy, I do all these things. And yes, I can still have goals. I think that that's okay to want goals of how you want to feel in your body and look in your body. And also that comes with a big and. You are enough right now. You get to enjoy this beach trip. You get to enjoy this pool activity. You don't need to be anything other than just you to enjoy it. And so I'm 28 years old and I am finding that just looking back, there's been certain scenarios that I wish I would have just been more present and less in my head about the way that I looked and just had fun with my friends.

Yeah. I think there's an aspect too of like, oh, I want to wait until I get this place. Or whether that's with your body or like, I want to wait until I finally have the swimsuit I feel comfortable in. Or I want to wait until I finally get that pair of jean shorts that I can wear with my bikini that then I'm going to feel more comfortable. I feel like we can sometimes even attach physical things, like material things of like, once I get that, then I'll feel good. better. And so then I can go with— whether that's your summer wardrobe or swimsuits or whatever it is. And I think there's an aspect of like, you deserve to go to the pool with your friends now regardless of what your body looks like, regardless of if you like that swimsuit you're wearing, regardless if they're last summer's jean shorts. I think there's an element of giving yourself permission this summer. To just exist, period. Regardless of if you've hit your goals or maybe you are in a place right now where you're really struggling with your movement routine and you're struggling with your nutrition and you're just like, there's other things in life that feel heavy. And so, the thought of focusing on those is just too much right now. That's also okay if you're in that season. And like when summer comes up, it's like, oh, my friends are doing social things outdoors and I don't like how I feel right now. I don't like how I feel in my body. Like whatever that narrative is, you still deserve to take up space in those places regardless of all of the prep or if you have the right things or you feel the right way. You know, it's like feeling good in your body is not a prerequisite. for taking up space in a swimsuit. And I think that's a big piece of this summer that's like, oh, well, I'm not ready yet. I remember feeling that and still sometimes do feel that way.

Absolutely. I love— claps all around for that statement that you made on it is not a prerequisite for you to show up. And if you were to ask the people around you, they just want you for you. They want your energy. They want your personality. They want you around. And to have that quality time with you. And another thing that I'll add to this too is it's okay to have boundaries if you're in a season where you're navigating these hard— like you're learning to love your body as it is. It is a big in-between. Like I know that all of this can sound great. And when you're in those moments where you're putting on the bathing suit and you're staring at yourself and you're having a hard moment, it's okay to set boundaries with the people that you love. So for example, you can say, hey, I would really like to not be in any pictures today. I'm happy to be here. I can't wait to hang out with you all, but I don't want to be in pictures today. Cool. Now that takes maybe the pressure off that you might have had of like, they might tag me or they might share something that I'm not comfortable with. Or you can tell maybe your partner or your friends like, hey, for right now, like, I'm navigating a few body image things. I would prefer if there was no comments made about body in general.

Yes.

So maybe ask yourself, what do you need in this season of your body image? What are some things that are causing comparison? What content are you consuming? So maybe it's some boundaries with yourself as well, of people that you follow, of things that you have been— maybe you have an idealized version of what you want to look like. And starting with like, okay, I look great right now. too, and consuming some content that fits your body type and what you want to dress like this summer, not waiting until next summer to wear the things that you love either. I think just overall having boundaries with people and with yourself can really help when it comes to your body image.

Agreed. I love the call on boundaries because I think there have been times in my journey where We're getting ready. Matthew and I are getting ready to do something social outside. It's summertime, and I am not feeling it at all. And I remember, I remember in the past, and sometimes even still, where I'm like, hey, I'm having a really difficult body image day, and I'm just not feeling very good in my body today. So I just wanted to let you know that. And so then sometimes how he'll show up for me in those moments is he'll throughout the day like comment on my smile or like, you're so funny. Or like, he'll comment on things that have nothing to do with like my body. I mean, I guess my smile is my face, but you know what I'm saying? Like, he'll just find other ways to make me feel really seen that's not like anything to do with my body. And I really appreciate that. So maybe it's even like with your partner this summer or with your girlfriends where you're like, hey, I'm really In a difficult place and I would love if— or this is also something that is interesting about the boundaries with what people say. Through the last couple of years, my body has changed and it looks different than it did 2 years ago. And I remember last summer especially, lots of comments from people in my life and I didn't know. I still struggle with how to say and respond to that where it's making comments about someone's body and they're doing it in an encouraging— they think they're being supportive and they think they're giving a compliment, but there's just so much behind that. So maybe if there's someone in your life that you are wanting to compliment or support, maybe it's like, you look so strong, or like, You've been so dedicated to your routines lately. I love that. Or, what's your skincare routine? You're glowing. Things like that that still are commenting on their hard work but aren't like, you've lost weight. You look good now. Oh, did I not look good before? That's hard. And I think it reinforces this inner narrative that like— I am better and worth more now than I was before. And I think that's a difficult mental battle that doesn't go away. And I think that we can encourage the people in our lives to show up for us in a way that's actually healthy. We do get to have input on that. We can't control everything, but we can ask our close friends and partners, To really show up for us in a healthy way and use language that is, you know, kind and encouraging and supportive in the ways that we need it instead of like, you know, the good old like, oh, you look so much— you look so good. Like, didn't I look good before?

Like, why didn't you love me before?

Which I know that's not true, but that's how you feel.

Right. Absolutely. And it also, it can be damaging whenever your body— our bodies fluctuate throughout the year depending on what's going on in life and our In our like stress levels, etc. And so whenever there's a change, it makes us feel like something is wrong with us, or suddenly like, oh, I'm not that person, right? And so I love that call out. And a little side note to that, this is not exclusive to women. This is very much for both men and women. And so it is not okay to comment on men's bodies as well, because I have seen people very much like Just like respect a woman's body and then not respect on that sense of like the commentary on a man's body. So yeah, just know that that's something that is very sensitive for most of us, something that we're all learning to navigate. But as we continue in the comparison journey, just, just like try to sit down with yourself and offer love and respect on what it is that you need in this summer season and communicate it to those around you. So when it comes to comparison with plans and travel and summer things, what are a few things that have helped you to not compare yourself to the lives of others?

This is interesting. I definitely have felt elements of keeping up with the Joneses this year a little bit. You know the saying, Keeping up with the Joneses of like this, this ideal picture of like what you're supposed to have, what you're supposed to do. And I've definitely felt like inklings of that this summer. I'm like, I need to be doing this, I need to be buying that, I need to have that, I need to drive that. It's like, no, you do not need to do that. Um, things that have helped me is around planning specifically. I would say like I don't want to live in a jealous, envious space. And so I think it has helped by being intentional with my plans where I'm like, oh, I'm jealous of seeing people at the beach. Okay, well then I need to plan a beach trip with Matthew and Piper and maybe see if some friends want to come. Or like, oh, I'm jealous of seeing couples go on cute summer vacations. Well, based on Matthew's work schedule this summer, actually a summer vacation isn't in the cards for us. So what are we going to do? We're going to plan one in September and I can look forward to that. I think that sometimes we can take ourselves out of like, oh, I can't have that. Maybe it's just not something that is attainable right now, like a trip or plans with friends, but can you be planning something in the future to be looking forward to that even if it's not something that you're doing in this moment? Because so much of FOMO And comparison is like, oh, they're doing that right now and I'm not. And I think what's helped me navigate that is like, just because I'm not doing it right now doesn't mean that I'm not doing that in 2 weekends or I'm doing that in 4 or 5 months and I'm going to look forward to that. So I think that has kind of helped with that is like just trying to be mindful of what I want and try to plan for it even if it can't happen in the next week or the next 2 months.

Absolutely. I want to highlight something very powerful that you mentioned on there is when there's the catalyst of seeing someone doing something that you feel like maybe that FOMO, then you decide to plan something in the future for that. And I think a big misconception is that jealousy or that overall jealousy is a bad thing. And I think that sitting in it for too long, and having that for too long, yes, it can be very bad for us. But I think that jealousy can actually show us what it is that we want in life. And what are those things that we're craving? Or what are those things that we haven't paid attention to? So for example, I, with the whole financial update that I shared earlier in the podcast, I found myself like craving and wanting to buy more things and like so-and-so has this and then I see a TikTok TikToker that has this. And I'm like, oh, and I should buy that for my house. And now I want to buy a trip and all these things. And then when I took a step back, it's like, what was that jealousy telling me? Was that I have no direction in my— with my money right now. And so I need to take a step back to what is my dream life and allocate those resources so that I can get those things whenever the time is right and whenever it's actually planned for. So I think that that can be an element of like, pay attention to that and sit with it too. Like, I remember when I was recently single, it was really hard to step into summer being, you know, having a relationship for many years, and then suddenly I'm stepping into summer single. And so also seeing all the couples do all the summer trips and seeing all those things can be very, very hard. And so perhaps there's something that you're wanting to do and that you're craving, but it's just not the season. season for you. And you can hold the space of duality of, okay, I wish that I had my significant other. Or maybe you're in a season where you're trying to have kids, that you wish that you had little ones around. Having that space to grieve that and also say, okay, but now with the life that I do have, what is it that would bring me joy this year? What are some dreams and things that I've been wanting to do for a while? That I want to do this year. And something that helped me too in the past week was realizing that June is already here. Half of the year has already passed. And what would December 2023 Astrid want to look back on and be like, oh, I'm so glad I did that. I'm so glad I did this trip. I'm so glad I saved money. I'm so glad I had more time with friends. I'm so glad I built that friendship more. So maybe think on those things as well, because usually comparison, I think, is just a check engine sign to something that you're wanting deep down. And you can always find your version of that for your life.

Retweet. I love that. I think you touched on so many elements that are really important. Like one, when you don't have direction with your financial goals, Everything's on the table. So when you're online and you're consuming content, it's like I love that you brought that up because it's like oh I want that and I see that they have that and it's like now that you've stepped back and you're like I want to allocate this amount actually to travel and I don't want to shop this summer. Okay great. Now anything that you're seeing online, it's not that you're not going to consume content that's like pushing this new shirt or whatever. It's just that it doesn't hit like it you like it would have. You know, you don't get that pang in your in your I need that. You know, we're like oh actually I already have my financial goals set aside. I don't need that because I'm planning for this. But whenever you don't have a plan, everything kind of feels like up for grabs. And then the piece around like the check engine light. I think that's so powerful because I think an element of comparison and jealousy. whether it's summer or whenever you feel it, is there's this element of like, it's not enough and I need more. And I think whenever we're looking at comparison around consumption or around friendships, I think it's an invitation to be grateful for what you already have. So it's like I walk into my closet and I have a closet full of clothes that I picked out. Some version of me picked those clothes out. Is that not enough? Like, do I need more? Or like, oh, I just went to the beach last weekend and now I'm seeing online that other people are at the beach and I'm like, oh, when's my next thing? You know, it's like this desire for more and more and more. And I think when that goes unchecked at a very deep soul level, I think that is like a bigger problem. And The envy, jealousy, FOMO are sometimes symptoms to us not feeling like we have either direction or we feel like, you know, it's never really enough for me and I'm always wanting more.

Absolutely. I think gratefulness is such an aspect that goes hand in hand with comparison. It's like almost the antidote to it because you're able to combat comparison with gratefulness. And you're able to really highlight those things about your life that is really great. And I think we can also, when you're in your life, you see all the pros and cons of certain things. For example, being an entrepreneur. I'm like, there's days that are just really hard that I wish I just worked at my 9 to 5. And then there's other days that I'm really grateful for it. And perhaps from an online perspective, people are like, oh yeah, I want to do that. Or I might see an influencer and be like, oh, that seems so great. That's probably way better than being an entrepreneur. And so we all have our battles. We all have our things. And I know we all know this, but needless to say, it's just a highlight reel online. There's so much that's going on behind it. And I heard this on a podcast as well this past week of whenever you see someone traveling, You're not seeing the sacrifices that they're making to have that trip. You're not seeing the time away from home. You're not seeing the long work hours to save for that. You're not seeing all of it, or you're not seeing the huge credit card bill that they're avoiding at the end of that trip either. And so whenever you're able to kind of like take a step back from the comparison game, take from it just the check engine of what you might desire for your own life. And then shift over to what do I have, what do I want, and then create your dream life. And like, maybe this summer will be a little softer for you and it's not full of like this crazy adventure, but how can you create adventure within your own sphere? So maybe it's trying by the end of the summer all the different coffee shops in your city, or like, you know, 50, 50 of them or 20 of them. Like, it's simple. You might still get coffee every week, But you're trying something new, you're setting some kind of challenge for yourself, or like going to the farmer's market or trying new recipes every week. Like, you can create that sense of adventure and just excitement for your everyday life.

I love that. I just thought of the idea with the coffee shop, like, challenge or adventure in your city. Like, you could also— where are all the different places in your city that you could have a picnic? And like you could bring your Kindle or your book and a blanket and some fruit or like whatever snack. I love Boom Chicka Pop popcorn. Like, you know, bring something and, you know, read in a different place. You know, maybe you're reading at your library or reading at a picnic. And I remember a couple summers ago, Matthew was gone for work and, you know, he was still working abroad. And I was just here at the lake and I had the lake. So I'm like, okay, I have the lake, which is just like such a privilege to live at the lake at the time that I did. And I'm like, okay, I'm gonna have friends over. We're gonna have— we're gonna come over and we're gonna like sit in the tube and we're just gonna talk. And, you know, I'm gonna read out there every Friday afternoon. That's gonna be my ritual. I like tried to find things and romanticize the everyday life. I know we've had an episode on this, but I think this summer, especially when comparison pops up and everybody's in Europe. Everybody's in Europe on my TikTok feed right now. It's like, okay, what can we look at now that we have access to that doesn't maybe cost money or doesn't mess with our financial goals that feels more attainable?

Absolutely. And I think that the beauty of life is that there's so many aspects to it to explore. And just because your TikTok feed might be surrounded with trips to different incredible places, it doesn't mean that you're not surrounded by national parks. Or you live in the States, there's so many different beaches, there's so many different places you can drive to, you can catch a quick flight to. Or like you said, just have a picnic in a different spot, find a new friend to connect with, find a new workout routine that you want to like, or a hobby that you're like, I want to get really good at. I don't know, Pilates, barre class, whatever, like by the end of the summer.

Pottery.

Yeah, pottery. So picking up those habits, I think overall the comparison can fade when you have purpose. So whether it's finances, whether it's like the adventure, whether it's your career, any area of your life, if you're feeling that comparison, then go ahead and draw inward into that. And then like focus on what it is that you want for your life and watch it fade because you'll be able to just stay on your lane, cheer other people on, and then know where you are headed as well.

Yeah, couldn't agree more. If you have any thoughts or want advice on some areas in your life that you're feeling some comparison for, DM us on Instagram. Between you and I, we've both experience, different levels of comparison, different, you know, journeys with our bodies. And we'd love to support you, love to cheer you on and just be there for you if you're navigating kind of a hard summer, something maybe unexpected in your life has happened. And, you know, you're just needing an extra support or just people in your life that, you know, are in your corner. Lean into us, we would love to support you. And anything else you want to share before we wrap up today?

Don't let this be the summer you regret not going all out for. So whatever it is that they're like, whatever statement or whatever imagery just popped up for you, do that thing and let it be a good summer. Like, what will make summer 2023 unforgettable for you? And make that happen. Like, life is truly so short. We don't know what will happen next year. And so just being able to focus on this year and the gifts that we have of having a great summer, the fact that we don't We don't have a pandemic anymore. We can step outside. We can do so many things. Yeah, just cherish that. And I'm excited to see all of us kind of step into that. And if you feel encouraged by this episode and you end up doing your plans for the summer or you are going out and having a picnic, tag us. We want to see how this has impacted you or if you go out for one of those adventures. And I'm excited to take a lot of this information for my own life too.

Me too.

Because I think in my mind, In my mind, I'm like, okay, well, I have all these trips planned, but I think I need to explore more like when I'm at home, what are some ways that I want to enjoy the summer? So I'm really excited for that as well.

Same. I'm like, I need to journal through what my summer goals are and my intentions. I feel like I have some of them that feel really clear, but they're more so on the weekends. So I'm like, okay, how am I bringing some of that intention during the weekday? Because it's not just like wake up, You know, do my morning routine, work. It's like I want to have some sort of aspect of like summer vibes during the week, so I need to nail that in. But I love this theme on like prepping for summer mentally and feeling like you know we are being intentional with this season, and it's a beautiful time to be alive. You have one life. You're alive right now as you're listening, whether you're in your car. You're at the gym, you're at the grocery store, you have breath in your lungs. And, I feel like sometimes we need to be reminded of that. And, there's so much comparison or there's so many things in our life that we can get really caught up in. And, you're alive right now. That matters. And, all of the negativity or insecurity or doubts that you're having, it's not that they're not important and it's not that it's not real, It's just reminding yourself of like, I am here now though. Like, what do I want to do now? What do I want to do this week for myself? What do I want to do this summer for myself? And I hope that helps. So if you're feeling led, leave us a 5-star, hot, hot, 5, 5+, A+ review on Spotify or iTunes. Would love to see those pop through. Love seeing those numbers come in and just love hearing from you. So love this community that we're building. You can also tag us @inbetween.pod on Instagram, or you can always DM me directly @alexisteichmiller.

Or you can DM me @astrojohannaphoto. I hope that you all have an amazing Memorial Day weekend, that all your summer vibes are kicking off this weekend, and we'll talk to you next time.