How to Enjoy the Journey of Life vs. Fixating on the Destination

Welcome to The In Between Podcast. I'm Astrid.

And I'm Alexis. And we're 2 best friends on a journey to living a fun, intentional life.

We know it's easier to share on a season of life once it's behind you, but what about when you're in the middle of the growth, confusion, and decision-making?

This lifestyle podcast is for the everyday gal who loves to travel, talk about business, relationships, fashion, and everything in between. Hello friends, and welcome back to another episode of The In Between Podcast. It is one half of the pod, Alexis, and the other half, Astrid.

And we have, um, batch recorded quite a few episodes. So from our end, it's been quite a few weeks since we've recorded live, and it just feels so, so good to be back and be able to record our in-betweens as well and catch you all up on our lives and kind We come back with this episode that I feel like is so timely, um, with where we're at in our lives, with what we have planned for this year.

Yeah.

And really how to be more intentional with our lives and not so focused on the destination. We're coming off of the highs of creating new goals for the new year. Maybe that's dwindling down a little bit for you. So now how can we still have goals and still have direction, But really ground ourselves in enjoying the life that we have as we're getting there too. So I am so excited for today's conversation. Me too. Me too.

And I think that we, especially like, okay, if you're listening and you're like, listen, I love a goal. I love hitting a goal. I love to plan. You know, this is for you because a lot of times we get so fixated on the goal and on the destination that we don't have a lot of fun in the journey part of it. And we end up sometimes resenting the goal. Sometimes we even forget why we even want to do it in the first place because we're just like going through the motions. And so today's topic is like, how do you find the joy in the journey instead of feeling like, okay, I have this, this like end destination I have to hit. And then we hold these expectations and these judgments of ourselves if we don't hit it in this certain timeline. So this is just going to be like an open-ended discussion of how Astrid and I have navigated these things in our own life and business and relationships. And I'm really excited to, to be back on the pod.

I missed you so much. Me too. What is life without this podcast? I was telling my partner this weekend, I was like, man, I cannot recommend having a podcast with your long-distance best friend anymore to anyone. I'm like, this is life.

It's very life-giving. And I feel like I've been listening to so many podcasts this month actually. And it makes me want to record with you too. You know how you're consuming content and you're like, I want to talk and I want to be recording. So yeah, all that to say, I'm excited to be back. And if you're new to the podcast, we always do a little bit of a life update. We haven't recorded, as Ash had mentioned, we've done a couple batch recordings. Do a little bit of a life update, and then we'll share what we're currently in between because we're always in between something in our lives. So do you want to give a little bit of like a February update on how you're doing? I know that's such an open-ended question. We've lived a lot of life this month. Okay.

So much life. Um, okay, life update. So if you've been following along on social media, um, or even with the podcast, I mentioned this But this past month I have been traveling quite a bit for weddings. And so I kicked off with having 10 days in the first 2 weekends in Miami for back-to-back shoots and then a wedding. And I, I'm going to pause right there and share that if you're a creator and you do it for a living, you're reminded to do projects just for you and passion projects. And I was exhausted from travel and everything, but I made time for a creative project to shoot one of the grandparents of a past couple that I had. And I just till this day remember them being so in love and dancing and all the little things on her wedding day. So we planned it. It was a mini session. You know, I just like de-escalated the pressure and just asked them some intentional questions and they were so excited and we just had the best time shooting. They were so in love. They came with requested photos and they told me what their first dance was and I played the song for them and they cried. It was just the most surreal experience ever. And it's been one of my top engaged posts on social media. It's close to 900 likes, I think, at this point. And not that it was about the social media output, but a lot of times we create all these marketing strategies and we're looking at our posts and it's not engaging. But sometimes just your passion projects, the things you do for free and the things that you don't care about are what turn out to be the best too. So anyway, that was super fun. I'm so glad I did that. Had an incredible wedding and then came home, was home for 2 days, repacked up, headed out to Mexico. So we were in Puerto Vallarta, area about an hour from Puerto Vallarta. So it was very like kind of mountainy mixed with beach, which was so beautiful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't, I haven't been to that side of Mexico yet. Um, and it was the most beautiful wedding. They're from St. Louis and they, all their friends, I think it was like 40 friends flew from St. Louis to be there for them. And I just, you just get teary-eyed whenever you see everyone like do that for other people. And yeah, anyway, we had like the best experience. And there's nothing better as a photographer to just capture people in one of those highlight moments where you can tell that was all they ever wanted was celebrating there, low pressure. They're having the time of their life beginning to end. There was no stress. It was just like tequila shot here and there. Tequila. That bride, she should be sponsored.

That's iconic.

Yeah. And then now I'm flipping over to repack and then go to my last wedding of the month in Punta Cana. And so, um, overall it's been a very travel-filled month. It's been really fun. And also it's come with its challenges of, I'm realizing some of the gaps in my processes where, um, I need to improve to make it support my travel schedule because there's so much work.

Mm-hmm.

And it's just unrealistic when you're shifting from terrible Wi-Fi to another one and countries and schedules and exhaustions and all these things to keep up with everything. And so I, um, yeah, I'm just like navigating that right now. Um, but yeah, that has been my travel month. I have so much more to share on that, but that is, I feel like that encompasses most of it. What have you been up to?

Also, like, you are a warm weather gal. You do not like the cold and you spent your entire February out of the Midwest and in tropical locations. So like, that's pretty cool.

I am loving it, girl. I was feeling, not gonna lie, a little depresso towards the end of my January, or most of my January. And as soon as I've been in warm weather, I'm like, I'm— I could— my mental health could not be better right now.

It's like, it's like my version of that is I go on a trip and I get my personality back. For you, it's like when you get out of the cold and into the warmth, you're like, "I am me.

I I am." Da na na na na na na.

Like literally. So you know that about yourself, and now it's like, hey, and then the answer is you gotta you gotta go somewhere tropical.

Yeah, yeah, and honestly, this is the second February in a row that I spent away from home, and I love it. Maybe I'll make this a thing. There you go.

You're on a trend. Year two already. Oh, that's awesome. I've loved following along, and the. The photos of that sweet grandparent couple. Wow. Wow. Just iconic. You like captured their love and just the beauty of them so much. So I'm excited to see you do like more shoots like that, that, you know, feel more creative to you. Not that weddings don't feel creative to you, but they're just a different kind of like creative outlet.

Mm-hmm. Thank you so much. Yeah, I'm excited to tap into that. That was a big goal for this year and it's nice to inch towards that and just make time for it because there'll never be enough time.

So exactly, exactly.

Tell me about your month.

My month was a whirlwind. I feel like from, from February 1st to now, we're at the end of February. It's been truly a month of so many highs and lows. Like, January to me felt like one big high. And someone asked, like, how's my year going so far in January? And I was like, if every month is like this month, is going to be the best year ever. And this month in February was just like, I think that life puts you through different situations to kind of grow and push yourself into this next version of you. And I feel like this is a month that tested me a lot. Um, so like on the lows side, Matthew's family's home, um, unexpectedly burned down. It was an accident. And so, we flew home the first weekend in February to be there with them. And, they lost about 75% of their home to the fire. And so, we ended up going through the rest of the remains. And, this was my husband Matthew's childhood home. So, it was really interesting. Most of his childhood bedroom was burnt, but we dated in high school and we found newspaper clippings and photos, photo booth photos.

Wow.

of he and I that he had kept that were not damaged.

So cool.

And he found so many sentimental things of his. But to me, that house also reminds me of us in high school. And so even though it was not about me in any way, it was just hard to see that whole experience. And I got to witness a percentage of what they felt in losing their home. And very thankfully, they have a secondary home on a lake, and so they're living there for the next year while they rebuild. So that was just a very like heavy emotional experience. And then you get on a flight home and you're back in your environment, which is also very strange to witness like trauma like that. And then you're just like supposed to go back to quote unquote normal and find your habits and your routines again. I know that you know this in your own way. So that was like a little bit of a mind frick where I was just like, I don't even know how to like, what am I doing here kind of thing. And then, you know, got a promotion at work that same week that I've been working towards for 8 months. And so that felt amazing. Like I had met, I talked about it on the podcast earlier, but like it came, became official the first week of February. So that was amazing. And then we hosted this like huge virtual conference with, um, an entrepreneur named Brendon Burchard, who's really big in like the online entrepreneur coach space. So that was another career highlight. But then like, there's just been so many weird things. Like I've had some clients who, um, have offboarded essentially. I have had 3 clients offboard this month, one after 2 years of working together and 2 after working together for the last 8 months and all good things, like very good things. But then as a business owner, I'm like, okay, I was expecting that, but I also wasn't expecting that. And so how do we then make up for that income that's no longer coming in from my side business. And I also started with a personal trainer and that's been amazing. And so there's just been like so many interesting things. And I think that when we reflect on a month or a week or even a day, I think it's helpful to recognize the highs and the lows instead of saying like, this was a bad month. This was a good month. It's like no, this month actually had a lot of complexities to it. I celebrated the wins, and I also felt the lows and like worked through those in a way that I felt was really healthy. So that was my February. There's so many more things to mention there, but like that was that was the gist of it.

Yeah, yeah, girl. I again, I'm so sorry to hear of like. the absolute tragedy that Matthew's family went through. Like, absolutely, the impact of something like that is unfortunately lifelong. Like, it's such a huge traumatic event.

Yeah.

And thank you for sharing that on here, because I think that so many people struggle with the fact that you experience a huge traumatic event, or even the complexity of like, it happens to someone really close to you. So it's like you can't quite take the time off from work, for example, to process because it's not directly happening to you, but it is happening to you because it's happening to the people that love. Yeah. And you just have to roll back into it, and that can just feel like such a shock to our system. And also being able to hold the duality of grief as well as celebration this past month. And, and I am so proud of you for that. I think it can be really, really hard mentally, um, to not feel like guilty or to just be like, okay, this is supposed to be a whole sad month.

Yeah.

And it's like, well, I can still be sad and grieving this And I'm also going to celebrate this portion. And those things coexist, and they are— none, none is greater than the other, right? And that is such a huge lesson. I'm so proud of you for that. And also, congrats on the official promotion.

Thank you.

We love it.

Yeah, it's been, it's been good so far. Like, I overall, it's— it feels like a long time coming in a way, but also I'm excited to like I feel like there's an aspect of me at my role at Circle. So the new role is Senior Brand Partnerships Manager. And I feel like there's an aspect of this where I'm like just getting started. So there's like that, you know, that good influx of good energy. Um, but yeah, I, yeah, lots of, lots of complexities this month. So with that, let's talk about what we're in between right now. Let's pick one of the many things. Uh, do you want to go first?

Yes, I'll go first. Um, okay, a little bit of business owner vulnerability is it's been such a good month as far as a creative, um, being able to go to all these locations and shoot and all that good stuff. And as a CEO and a business owner, overall bookings have been way lower than my previous years. And thankfully, like, there's still bookings and everything, but just having that drastic shift, um, from other years, or perhaps things just not matching my expectations, do make me nervous. And so when you've scaled your business and when you have people that you have on your team that you outsource and all this stuff is like, you have to still make payments on stuff even though they're— the income that you expected isn't there.

Mm-hmm.

And so as someone that's very risk-averse and like finances just always freak me out, it's just been a trigger point. And so it's been a very weird month where I am anxious about money. And in between that whole, like, well, now I'm here traveling everywhere, it feels a little bit frivolous. But at the same time, I'm not spending that money. It was paid for. It's just in my mind, it's hard to come to terms with, like, hey, actually, this is okay. You can relax. And this happened to me this past week where I was like, no, I have to work. I have to market. I have to do things because it's like, This is my livelihood, and so I can't just relax. And so it's just a very trippy situation where I think if the bookings were where they needed to be, I would have been able to fully take a step back this week overall. But it is the reality of being an entrepreneur, the seasonalities of it. There's been a few things in my house that I'm like now I think I I need to fix. So it's there was like a little bit of water in my basement, and it seems to be connected to my. kitchen sink. So I've been having to take like my dishes to wash them elsewhere and it's just been crazy. Um, so it's just like maybe unexpected expenses coming there. And yeah, it's, it's the reality of it. It's, uh, one of those things that I'm grateful I have savings for, but also having to tap into the savings is a little bit of a gut punch and be like, okay, I don't want to be using this. So, um, yeah, that's kind of where, where I'm at. Um, and just kind of giving myself a little grace and just Focusing my energy towards the next project that's in front of me, serving my clients the best that I can, trying to really push that to the back of my mind until March where I can do more about it, do more marketing, do whatever I need to do.

Yeah.

Um, but yeah, overall it's been really interesting. Like a lot more couples are doing elopements, like 3-hour things, 6-hour things, like, which is beautiful, but also the market is shifting. And it's different. It impacts. And so I have to pivot now and get more creative in other ways.

Do you think you would shift your packages to a different offer almost?

Yeah. That's what I need to reinvent is a lot more couples are going towards documentary, a lot more intimate experiences. And so what can I offer that is different that they can add to this that's still overall maximizes like my time with a client, but it isn't necessarily like more hourly coverage. And so that's the next, that's the next step. But yeah, just feeling really anxious about it, um, to be honest. So thanks for sharing. Vulnerability dump.

Yeah, thank you for sharing. I, I, for what it's worth, just even like in the world I am in with work, you are not the only service provider Photographer that's been experiencing this. Like I have actually heard this in the last like two or three weeks, probably more than six or seven times.

Hmm.

Wow. And so it is something that I think we're just like it's I don't know and it's also an election year and I think that there's something about like the economy in election years because like I'm feeling this. I just had clients be like okay I'm like battening down the hatches. I love you. I got what I needed and I need to offboard. And it's like, okay, okay, what do I need to like shift? And why is this happening? And like, what about the new year energy isn't hitting like it used to kind of hit? So I feel you on that big time. Thank you for sharing because I know that so many business owners are honestly probably relating to you right now.

Yeah, yeah, thank you. And I feel like I know a few photographer friends that have had to pick up Side jobs and everything to balance things off. And there is absolutely no shame in that. I feel like you need to do what you need to do to keep things rolling. And also disclaimer, like if you need to take on some clients that you're not very passionate about, like say it's corporate headshots or things like that. I've absolutely done that before. And is it the thing I am the most creative and passionate about? No, but it pays the bills and normalizes picking up clients that just pay the bills sometimes. Yes.

Absolutely. That is, that's key. Like you have to be willing to let the ego go and say like, what do I need to, to make, you know, make do this, this month? Um, on my side, I'm trying to figure out which one I want to choose, but I am also in my like luteal phase, about to be my follicular phase. So I'm like, I'm low energy. I'm in that like, what is life kind of mood? So I'm feeling a little emo.

Same. Okay.

Same.

We can be emo together. I love when we cycle sync together.

We are synced up, baby. I'm like, I woke up this morning and I was like, what is life? And last week I was like, ah, I could just— the hormones are real. Okay. What am I in between right now? I would say I am currently in between figuring out what I want to do with— this is also a business vulnerable share— is I did the deep reset, which was a January reset on resetting your habits and your goals for the new year. And we got like 200 women in the community that's hosted on Circle. That's where I work. And it's awesome. And then this month, so many things happened. And I was like, I had a hard enough time showing up on social media. And the thought of running a community, even if it was free, I was like, I just don't know how to show up right now in this. I don't know how to show up and lead or show up and teach. Be inspirational. Like I just there's something about that that felt very not hard, but like disconnected for where I was mentally this month. So I'm trying to figure out like I would love to create a community for who I was three years ago, and like that would still obviously be amazing and beneficial and valuable now for me. But like for the woman who is Figuring out her habits, learning how to advocate for herself, like building confidence, figuring out what she wants in her career, setting boundaries in her relationship. And like, I know that I want to do that, but I have so much mental resistance. And I'm listening to the book The Mountain Is You on Spotify audiobooks. Y'all, so good. I've also been able to increase my reading goal this month alone just by listening to audiobooks instead of only reading.

Mm-hmm.

But I'm listening to that right now and she's talking about the trigger around control and resistance and why we don't do what we really want to do. And so I'm trying to work through the desire of wanting to have a community, like a private community where I'm like journal prompts and we talk about our habits and something like that.

Mm-hmm.

That just feels a little bit more private. From Instagram, but then I'm also like, what does that look like? How do I commit to that? How do I stay disciplined with that? And like, what does that look like? So that's what I'm in between right now business-wise of figuring out, you know, a way to serve, but also in a way that's like, I still have my responsibilities with my full-time job and my clients. And so something like that can expand and require a lot of time. And I'm just trying to figure out like how much I want to set aside for that, if that makes sense.

Absolutely, girl. That book changed my life and I, I need to read it again now. Like, just hearing you talking about it, I'm like, yeah, I'm feeling the resistance and I'm feeling all those things. I need to read it. Um, but that is so true. I feel like we feel that resistance when we care about something so much. Yeah. And also, you're a very like, you like to uphold your word. If you say that you're going to do something, you're going to do it. And so it makes sense that you're in that space where you're like, I don't want to overcommit and then not show up for these women, because you love these women and they're your girls and they're— you're showing up for them.

Yep.

And I love that about you. And I love that you're taking the time to decide what can you offer to your community and build from there, keeping it simple but giving that space that so many women need. And that— I love the phrase that you said of like, what would Alexis 3 years ago need?

Yeah.

Um, and that is so powerful. It also helps to bring it down a notch of being like, okay, I've been there already, I can share this. Like, I'm not trying to sell, you know, this multi-million dollar course. This is a free community and I'm just speaking from what I want to share. And so that can be just a really hard space to be in though as a creative where you're like, is it— am I resisting because of like my own fears, or am I resisting because genuinely like I just don't have the capacity? So navigating all those feelings, yeah, can be really hard. So I'm excited to see where you land, um, and I'm proud of you for not rushing it and not being like, I did this challenge, so I'm gonna commit to launching something now. Just trusting the time of it. And taking it one step at a time.

Yeah. Thank you for that. I think that it's like the community will be there when I'm ready to decide what it kind of looks like and like how I can best serve them. And another thing too that I was thinking about is like, there's something too about running the community inside Circle, which is also where I work, which is also what I teach. And it's also what I teach workshops on and I talk about and I book partnerships with. Every single day. So I think that there's something about that that I need to like mentally pivot to like, how can I become a practitioner of what I'm teaching instead of it be like, you know, overwhelming or like maybe even a little bit of burnout, if that makes sense.

Mm-hmm.

So just trying to be really intentional about what that looks like. But overall, I feel excited when I think about it and I think about it almost every day.

Aww.

So I know I'm going to do something with it. I just don't know what it's going to look like yet.

Yeah. Well, for what it's worth, I don't know, does Circle work on an iPhone? Could you run your community from your phone? I can.

Yeah, it has an app.

So for what it's worth, something that has helped me is I don't carry, for my own personal photography, my main cameras. I just take my little Canon G7X and just shifting from what I normally use for work and doing a small camera that just feels different, makes it fun and exciting for my creative shoots. So for what it's worth, maybe changing the medium. Maybe you have an iPad or maybe a phone or something that you can like mentally, you're using the same app, but because you believe in it, it's a great product, but it's not on your laptop like you are all day.

That's a great idea. That's a great idea. Thank you. It's like you shifting from reading books to the Kindle, like shifting the medium of it. You're like, oh, I want to read more because it's It's more convenient. Yeah. Okay. That really helps me. Well, we're almost 30 minutes in and can you tell?

I hope you've enjoyed our monologues and life updates. Yeah.

We rolled through it. But I do feel like in that way though, both of our life updates and our in-betweens call out this common theme of we are on a journey. We both have goals in our lives. And I think that when we become so fixated on like what it has to look like and when we get it and when we achieve it, that we kind of become miserable along the journey. And so I think like both of us have learned how do we find joy and happiness and contentment in our own way as we're like working towards becoming.

Mm-hmm.

And I think that's like maybe my first question is when you think about the separation between like the journey part and then the destination part. So it's almost like the doing and then the getting. How do you think about those 2 things and how do you like manage your emotions through that process?

Such a great question. Honestly, I think for me a lot of it happens by grounding myself and giving myself time and space to be in the moment. And I feel like that only started happening when I started achieving some goals. And then you kind of get that feeling of like, okay, I did it. What's next? Or like, what is this? It— and so I shifted my mind to how can I savor this a little bit more? How can I be in this moment a little bit more? And so for me, even on this trip this past weekend, Instead of just showing up and being like, oh, this is so fun. I'm in a different country. I'm shooting, blah, blah, blah. That's still part of it. And that's very natural. But taking a moment to just sink in and think back to 15-year-old Astrid that never traveled and would've given anything to be on a plane and had a way different financial situation. And just letting that sink in while on the beach. Like, I am literally here on work. I brought my partner along on my work trip. We're here enjoying this because of what I do. And it doesn't matter what my bank account says or all this anxiety that I'm experiencing. This is what I've worked so hard for. And I don't have to clock into my full-time job and work remotely like I used to. So I think for me, it's like thinking back to all those things that I wanted at one point and bringing it to the forefront in that moment when I'm actually living it, being like, I'm really grateful for this.

Mm-hmm.

and just let that sink in. And it's never like this hour-long moment. It's like tops 5 minutes. But I think that really helps me. And even in my relationships, unfortunately, we're not guaranteed tomorrow. And I think sometimes losing people that we love unfortunately teaches us how to appreciate the moments a lot more.

Right.

And so sometimes when it's like Christmas or I'm having a great dinner with my It's like you never know what could happen next week. And so I, in that moment, I'm like, let me just take this in for a second. She's talking, she's glowing, the sun's hitting her. I love this drink. This food tastes so well. So really a lot of grounding through the senses and my past is really what helps me because otherwise I think my goal-oriented self focuses too much on what is next.

Yeah. That's huge. I think something too is when we focus so much on what's next, we are disappointed in the present. And, I think that this is something that I have and honestly am continuing to learn is— and I love this practice of grounding yourself, having a moment or two of gratitude and how much that can shift your mindset in that moment because maybe you're frustrated or you're tired or you had a long travel day or You've had a long shoot day and those feelings are real. And it's almost like we can quickly shift frustration into gratitude when we think of what we wanted in the past that we now have. But for me, I focus so much on the future that the present me is not satisfied. And I've really been working on that this year. I've mentioned that. In January's like podcast theme around having more fun and just like being more lighthearted. But I think something that I've had to work on in order to enjoy the journey is to lower my expectations and not make room for a lot of disappointment. Because like if I'm expecting XYZ of someone else or a relationship or where I want Like where I want anything to be, one, if I don't communicate those expectations, it leads to resentment. And 2, the disappointment of not having my expectations met totally ruins and takes me out of the present moment.

Mm-hmm.

And so, if I can self-manage myself to recognize like, oh, my expectations are off here and disappointment is completely stealing my joy. And so like, what can I do now to then manage myself through that moment? And I have them often. And so I like— that's a practice that has also helped me stay more grounded.

Oh, I love that. I think our expectations is what robs us from the present. Yeah, of being able to say, oh well, but this goal is supposed to be like this, or this trip was supposed to be like this. And so I know you travel a lot. How do you— because I know you also plan a lot of the trips that you're on.

Yeah.

So you have a bit more of the expectation side naturally because you're like, this is where we're going next and this is the next thing that we're going to do. And then this is going to be so fun. I saw this on TikTok. How do you ground yourself in that moment and how do you enjoy the trip itself when you're on it rather than being like, okay, I made it. What's the next thing?

Right. I think I love this question. I think it kind of goes back to the freedom of the pivot where, yes, I do put so much into planning, but if we don't like a restaurant, we don't like something that we've experienced, like we can easily just leave, cancel the reservation. Like we can just pivot. I think when I'm traveling and I mentioned this earlier, I get my personality back. I do feel like I'm a lot more like, it's fine. You know, I, my ability to be ultra forgiving of any situation is much higher. I think I'm just so glad that I'm on a trip. So for me, that, that's kind of how I manage those expectations. I feel like there have certainly been moments where I'm not experiencing what I want to experience, but I think that kind of goes back to like the self-management and making sure that my emotions are in check, taking a beat, taking a step away from the group, telling Matthew I need a moment, like whatever that looks like. But yeah, you mentioned like being, you know, on these different shoots on the weekend and like what that looks like now. A story that came up for me was buying my first house with Matthew. And I'm like, I know you can relate to this too in buying your first home. We lived in my in-laws' basement for 2 years so we could save money. And that whole experience, now I'm like, I'm in this house every day. And I, you are like encouraging me to just be so grateful for the fact that we're here and we're in Houston and we're together and we bought this home and we love this home. We really do. We love the neighborhood. And I can stress out about the destination. This room isn't done. My office, LOL, doesn't look like this. You know, our bedroom rug is 4 years old from the lake house. Like, I don't love it. Whatever. Like, yes. And does that— is that really going to rob you of the fact that like you saved and sacrificed for years to get the house? So I think sometimes like that is another aspect of those expectations of like They can take away the enjoyment and the gratitude of just the fact that we're here. We made it. And I don't think that— it doesn't mean that we can't want those things. I think that what we need to do in pursuit of those things is recognize that they're coming for us, but they might not all happen at once.

Mm-hmm.

And so it's like any good thing along the journey to get to the destination Is, is coming for you. I believe that. But a lot of times we want— we're impatient. I'm impatient and I want it to happen all at the same time. And so I think that's where that frustration can really come in and, and get me.

That's so true because I feel like we are constantly adjusting our comfort zone and our capacity of things as well. And so, for example, I had my first experience last year flying first class. And then I flew first class. I was like, oh my God, I was literally crying on the plane. I was like, this is the best. This is so great. 15-year-old me would be so proud. The whole routine, right? Like the whole grounding routine.

Yeah.

And then this past weekend we flew a few of our flights first class as well. And it was just normal. It was like, oh yeah, we're popping up on the plane. And I had to take a few seconds to check myself and be like, um, great on one side that we're adjusting our expectation. We're like, we want to work really hard for these things. But also on the flip side, like, girl, a year ago you had never done this before. Like, let's appreciate this. This is like such an important, like, thing. And so I think it's a balance of how our brain works and how we can expand our comfort zone, which is great because it makes us work for more and say, this is possible for me. I can make 6 figures, I can make 7 figures. And we normalize that and our brain needs that to happen. But then on the flip side, we normalize it so much that we're focused on the next destination, the next 6 figures, the next whatever, relationship, house, travel, whatever it might be. And so on that sense, I think it can be really hard to enjoy the destination whenever we experience a lot of lows, a lot of those growing pains that it does not feel glamorous at all. It feels very painful. And then we're just focused on when I get to this point, then When I start making this much money, then I'll feel relief. Or when we have the house all done, then I'll feel this. Or when I take my trip to Europe, then I'll feel like I've checked that off my list. So what are some things that you do in those moments where you want to enjoy the destination, but you're also experiencing just very real hard things?

Yeah, I think one that comes up for me is my mental health and physical health journey over the last 3 years. And in The Mountain Is You book, she mentions it's not brave to accept your body after you've contorted it to society's— what society deems as perfect or acceptable. And I listened to that on the way home from the gym this morning and it got me in the gut because I feel like my journey. I don't know. I'm like feeling emotional about this.

Same.

It's the luteal.

It's you know both gonna cry over the mountain view.

It's like I have worked so hard to work through my depression and love my body and get strong and form new habits, and I thought that. And please don't come for me, but I thought that if I lost weight, then I would no longer feel self-conscious in my body. That's actually not true for me. And I think that if anything, it's the same or maybe more. I'm like, even, you know, I think we can hyperfixate on the things we want to change in our lives. And so How I've tried to manage that is, in my opinion, when I started this two and a half years ago, I have quote unquote reached my destination. I am in the destination of like what I wanted from my mental and physical health journey, and yet I'm still going and moving my body five to six times a week. I'm still meal prepping like so many of those beautiful habits that I'm so proud of, and like. They really have helped me manage my mental health in a completely new way, and overcoming coping mechanisms of over alcohol consumption, over food consumption, you know smoking, and like just so many over shopping. It's really helped me regulate myself, and still I thought that once I get here, then I will fully accept. Then I will no longer self-criticize. Then I will look in the mirror and feel. So much love and appreciation for myself every single day. And that's not my reality. And I think through this journey, what I have learned is that that in and of itself is the journey. Like, the journey actually was never the weight loss. It was never the habit formation. It was like, how do I become brave in my full acceptance of myself regardless of how I look and regardless of how my mental health feels that day. Where is that eternal, unwavering self-love and self-acceptance? And I'm still— I'm closer to that, but I'm still not there. And I think that's where— I hope that's my lifelong work of getting closer to that full love and self-acceptance.

Girl.

That was long.

No, that was beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. I feel like Along with our listeners, I related to that so, so much. And I was thinking about that this week, actually. Like being a bathing suit and all the things is like it's kind of exhausting being a woman. Like all the things you have to like prep and like look like or you feel like you need to look like, and then you know you don't want to look like it. So then you're double stressed because now you're like I'm not supposed to be thinking or feeling these things. Then you judge yourself.

You're like in the self-love. You're like I'm supposed to be.

Yes.

You know, I'm effeminate. I love myself.

I'm not supposed to care about my cellulite. I'm supposed to love it. But honestly, looking at the mirror, I want to pass out.

We care.

We do care. We do care. And I think that that is something where you were speaking directly to me in the sense of I want to let go of that weight. And I think I'm still figuring it out. And it's just really hard as women to navigate that. And I hope that we get to a point where we can mostly let go of that, um, weight on our shoulders of these expectations that we have for ourselves. Because it's almost like the duality of we accept ourselves and we think we can do better.

Yeah.

And I know if I just do these few things, I can achieve what it is that I'm wanting. Or like, we mask it over, I just want to be healthier. And sometimes it is, but then other times, is it?

Mm-hmm.

And I have to call myself on that a lot whenever I'm nitpicking in the mirror. And I love that you brought up the fact that you thought over time and as you achieve this goal, you would arrive and then it would be gone. The self-criticism would be gone. But the fact that for you, it's been a journey, it's gotten better, but perhaps sometimes it's worse or the same. And that's so relatable because I agree. I feel like the more I lose weight, the more I get stronger or whatever, the more I'm like, I want more. I get greedy. I'm like, well, now I want this and I want that. And it's really hard to flip-flop between those 2 things.

Yeah.

And I think this is a part of the journey of the complexity of these emotions that we wrestle with is part of the shedding process of the things that we were so engraved in our mind of what we're supposed to do, what we're supposed to feel. And then suddenly we do actions that are supposed to help us that bring those emotions to the surface. And then now we're like, what do I do with this?

Yeah.

And now I have to choose. And you have to choose every day. And it's almost like loving a partner. You choose every day that person with all the flaws and everything. So we must choose ourselves every day. And how beautiful that now it's like to the forefront. And it's so hard. And so sometimes, like, the quote of the focus on the journey, enjoy the journey. It's not about— sorry, let me rephrase that. The quote about enjoy the journey and it's not about the destination sounds beautiful. And those very low moments in that destination is really where we heal, where we shed those layers, where we build character, where we build grit. And I think that was something that I really wanted to share in this episode as well is like, now, I guess before, those very hard moments would freak me out and I thought I just would never survive it.

Yeah.

And I'm like, I don't know, this is it. This is where my business ends. This is where the relationship ends. This is where I end. And now that I've overcome some things and it's helped me get to where I'm at, when I'm faced with those things, I try to rephrase my brain to, what am I getting stronger in? What am I learning here? Okay, I'm learning how to let go of my expectations. I'm learning to budget better. I'm learning how to spend more time with my family and all these things. And it has helped me to enjoy that journey and embrace those hard, low moments and take the lesson that I need to take from that moment, still feel all the feels, and then move on with a lesson under my belt that I'm getting stronger in. And so Yeah, I think if you're feeling low and you feel like maybe you're feeling ungrateful, or you have the career you've always wanted and you're like, why am I so sad? Or you have the partner that you always wanted and then you're like, all these things are happening. It's part of it. You're getting stronger.

Mm-hmm.

And if we rephrase to, you're getting stronger in each of those areas, how beautiful it is that you are able to and have enough mental capacity and emotional strength to do that.

Yeah, I completely agree. If you're in a place too where you're looking at your life and maybe you've reached the destination in so many areas and you're like, now what? I love the idea of like you're getting stronger. And I also think that when you, when you reach where you're going, where you reach where you've dreamt of, it's— there's always probably some other call of your heart that's leading you somewhere else. And I think that's really interesting. It's like if you look at our journeys, they ping pong. We go forward, we go back, we go sideways, we go up, we go down. And it's like normalizing that as well and that the journey is not linear. It's not, I did this, then I did this, and then this happened, and then this happened. There's so much nuance and complexity to the paths that we take to success, whatever success means to you. And so just normalizing that you might be in a season where you're resting and now you're resting and now you're going to go build something, or maybe you've been building and you're ready to rest and like you're ready to kind of not take a step back, but maybe turn the dial down. Just normalizing that pace and pivoting are a huge part of figuring out, you know, your own journey of life. And there are times where I want to go slower, and there are times where I want to speed up. And I think that you will only be the one who can know what speed is right for you. And you can look at where you are in your career. Where you are, whether you're married or not, whether you've decided to have kids or not, whether you're doing the thing you actually want to do for your job or not. Like, there's always those little things that we can scorekeep of ourselves of like, well, this is great, but I don't have that. And that is great, and I finally have that, and I actually worked really hard for it, but I don't have that. And it's like this discomfort with lack or like what we think we're supposed to have. And I think that's another thing that robs us of present is being like, well, I don't have the latest. Okay, it's summer. It's not summer, but like my summer Instagram ads of summer clothes, and I've already been sending them to you, babe, for our trip to France. I'm like, look at this swimsuit and look at this. And it's like, okay. Again, we're focusing on, yes, I love shopping and I love that stuff and I'm focusing on the lack. I need to go through my swimsuits I have and see what of those I still like before I purchase anything else. And so there's like, where can we build some of that self-awareness where our attention is attracted to things that we think we want or things that we think like we need? And a lot of times we actually already have it, but because our focus is on what we don't have or that next thing, We aren't really focusing on stewarding and fostering and managing what it is that we have.

I love that. I think that being able to create some boundaries with our journey and create boundaries with the things that affect us or impact the way that we're able to enjoy the journey is essential. Do we need to limit some ads? Do we need to limit— I know from a business standpoint, sometimes there's some business owners, that just consistently advertise, made $1 million in a day. And you're just like, okay, good for you.

Yeah.

Life is a little different for other people out here as well. And so how can we protect that energy, whether it's a habit of groundedness, of gratefulness, of what we speak to ourselves, what we read, what we consume? I think being able to enjoy the journey takes so much intentionality and just doesn't happen just because we think that it will, but it's putting those things in place to actually be able to enjoy things and savor the season that we're in and, and being able to not want to be in the next season. Like, oh, I can't wait to have a boyfriend. I can't wait to get married. And then it's like, okay. I remember when I was single, I was driving to the airport one day And I said, how strange. I am not going on a trip right now because I'm grieving. I feel like I'm in a pretty healthy space right now. There's no one depending on me back home. I don't have a boyfriend to text. It's just me. I can freely take this trip and not miss anyone. And I was like, and I'm going to enjoy this because when you love someone, you can go and still take trips by yourselves. Absolutely. But you miss them. You miss your people. When you have your partner, when you have kids, anything like that. And so I think being able to ground yourself in each of the seasons and be like, okay, this is the beauty of it. And when the next season comes, I'm going to enjoy the heck out of loving someone and missing them because they're that great.

Yeah, I agree. Whenever I lived in Nashville for almost 5 years and we weren't married yet, Matthew and I weren't married yet, I was like, there were moments where I just wanted to be married. We were long distance. I just wanted to be married. And now I think back on my time with my freaking girlfriends and the shenanigans and the cool opportunities and just all the things I got to do in Nashville. I'm so glad I didn't rush through that season. I lived there for 4 and a half years. Like, I did not rush through that. And I look back on my early 20s and I feel like I got to have what I really wanted from being a 20-year-old, like, young woman building her career in the city. And now I'm like really grateful for the season that we're in, knowing that we didn't rush into it or like, you know, we waited until we genuinely felt very ready for the next chapter. And I think that's another thing is like our, there's an aspect of us that will never fully be ready for everything that comes our way. But I do think that we have, um, internal, um, like gauges where we're like, okay, yeah. I actually am. I know that I'm scared. I know that I don't know what this looks like, but I actually do think that I'm ready for this next step, for this, you know, promotion, this relationship, we're getting married. Or maybe you're like, you know what, actually I think I am ready to finally— we're ready to break up. Like whatever that next thing is, we'll have internal gauges I think that will kind of like nudge us in one direction when we feel like we've come to a place where we're like, okay, in order for me to become this next version of me, I need to break through this wall and I need to like go down this other path.

Absolutely. Oh, I have loved this conversation so, so much. This has been amazing. I needed it. Um, me too. I feel so refreshed. I feel like, I feel like I just went to therapy.

Honestly, friendship therapy is the best, and Thank you for this. I learned— I always learn so much from you, and I, I just feel very seen in this conversation. Like, you know, both of us are still figuring it out. If you're listening, we see you. We understand you're still figuring it out too, and we hope that this was valuable to you. If you or a friend are both just going through it and you're trying to figure out how to enjoy the journey, you know, message your friend, send them this episode, let them know that they're not alone. And you can always connect with us on Instagram @inbetween.pod. We love your episode recommendations. If you want us to go and, you know, talk about a certain topic, we love getting those. And if you are feeling led, leave us a review on Spotify or iTunes. And then you can always connect with me @alexistechmiller.

And you can connect with me @astrayohannaphoto on Instagram. We love you all so, so much, and we will chat with you next time. Time.