How to Hold Space for Self-Compassion and Accountability

Welcome to The In Between Podcast. I'm Astrid.

And I'm Alexis. And we're 2 best friends on a journey to living a fun, intentional life.

We know it's easier to share on a season of life once it's behind you, but what about when you're in the middle of the growth, confusion, and decision-making?

This lifestyle podcast is for the everyday gal who loves to travel, talk about business, relationships, fashion, and everything in between.

Hello friends, and welcome back to Welcome to another episode of The In Between Podcast. This is one of your hosts, Astrid.

And the other half, Alexis. And today on the pod, we're going to be talking about how do you take care of yourself, show yourself compassion, while also still holding yourself accountable for your growth, for your goals, and prioritizing your identity. Because a lot of times when life gets tired or everything that's going on in the world right now, like, it's a very heavy time, honestly, to be Yeah. And, there's so much content online. And then, there's also our daily life where we want to move our bodies and we want to excel at work and we want to show up in our relationships. And, it's like, how do we hold the duality of compassion but then also still living out what we've said we wanted to do? So, I'm excited about this. This is something we haven't Oh my gosh, me too.

I feel like that can be such a thin line. So this conversation today of how we navigate that thin line— so thin, we can absolutely manipulate what we feel in those moments where we're like, okay, yeah, this is self-care, but it's actually not self-care. So I am so excited for that conversation and being able to talk about that. also see the different ways that each of us takes responsibility and is compassionate with ourselves and all of that, because personalities come into play. And what works for you might not work for me. What works for me might be a trigger for somebody else. Like, there's just so many elements to this. But we hope that you are able to just be challenged in this season. I know that the holidays are coming up and everyone gets really exhausted at like wrapping up things at work, wrapping up goals and also having a lot of life situations going on. So this conversation is really to help challenge some of your thoughts and challenge some of the behaviors and see what do you need right now? Do we need to let go of some things that we said that we were going to do? Or do we need to double down on that? So I cannot wait. But before we jump into that, are there any life updates on your end?

Yeah, lots of life updates, but I'm going to keep those to myself for now.

Okay.

I mean, just some certain things I'm coming to and I've just been working on a lot of clarity and they're still very fresh. And so I want to continue to think through them and process them before sharing them publicly. However, I got my ears pierced.

I guess.

Very small, low stakes life update. My girlfriend Millie and I were out to brunch on Saturday and it just rolled into, you know those girls' days where it just rolls into more and more and more fun and no one actually wants to go home?

I know.

And no one wants to say it first. So we went to brunch, we went shopping, in which I did not buy any clothing because I'm on a no spend for the month of October. Then we went into Missouri, and we'd both been talking about getting our ears pierced for quite some time. So we got our ears pierced. It was so much fun. We went got our nails done. Then we went and had happy hour sushi. It was like the epitome of like a girls' day was just what I needed after kind of navigating some different ups and downs and some different stress points and starting off the month very mental health like low. And we're we're on our on our way up, and it was just. Really lovely. What about you? You were in Colorado.

I was. I was. Also, I love that. I feel like girl days with the right person are for the soul. Like, it's literally healing. They are. They're the best. Yeah. Well, I— yes, I went to Colorado this past week. It was incredible. I was able to take one of my friends with me, Rachel, and I had her basically do a lot of social media content creation and shooting while I was working because I've realized no matter how hard I try, I'm so focused on the photography that I just blank on video. So I just need to invest in that. And 10 out of 10, she did so great. We had the best time in Colorado. The foliage was delayed, which was perfect because we actually got to see quite a bit of it when we were there.

Wow.

Had a beautiful elopement, like the most carefree and funny couple ever with like The most supportive friends. It was just such a vibe. And then Saturday I got to shoot one of my couples again. I did their engagement 2 years ago, their wedding last year, and then we did an anniversary session. And I just love it so much because I get so emotional whenever I wrap up a wedding and I literally get to that last photo and it feels like a mourning process.

I'm like, Oh my God.

I don't know if I'll ever see them again, but I love them so much and I am so emotionally attached to you. So whenever they hire me again, I get so excited. Yeah. And then picked up a little bit of a cold, but we're, you know, we're powering through. And then your girl is going to hopefully be an American tomorrow. I have my citizenship test tomorrow morning. So when you're listening to this, send good vibes because my appointment is tomorrow.

Send after the DM. Send Astrid a DM and wish her congratulations and wish her luck. You're gonna nail it. I know how important this is, and I'm really excited for you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Will you find out the results tomorrow?

Yes, it's either a pass or fail.

Okay.

Yeah.

How does that work in terms of the, the pass/fail structure? Is it you need to get so many questions right?

So basically there are 100 civics questions that you need to have, and then like 100-some questions from your application. So they'll ask you things, for example, have you ever been a part of a terrorist group? No. Define terrorist. And you have to say the correct definition or else, like, they think that you don't know what, you know, what you're saying no or yes to.

Okay.

So if you don't answer any of those correctly, you could be put as a failed and then asked to— I'm pretty sure they allow you to retake the test, but I'm not sure how many times. Um, so yeah, so then there's 100 civics questions on history, and they'll ask you maybe about 5. So you really gotta know your stuff. So that has been my jam on my way to sessions, which has not been the vibe because I love just getting in the zone. So listening to music, but you're like, in 1777, literally, who was the president in World War I? So hopefully all of that will be over tomorrow.

Oh, okay. I am wishing you— what time is it?

It's at noon. It's at noon.

Yeah. It's at noon. Okay. All right. Good vibes to you. I can't wait to hear how it goes.

Thank you. Thank you so much. Well, we start each episode with sharing what we are currently in between. And if you are new around here, we've been doing this since our first episode where we share just a little bit of our lives and what season we find ourselves in between. So what are you in between, Alexis?

Well, great question, Astrid. I would say— that joke never gets old to me. I would say that I'm in between really leaning into the possibilities and not focusing on problems. And I was recently listening to this episode. Um, by Jay Shetty, and he was talking about a problem mindset versus a possibility mindset. And essentially the problem mindset says there's only one way to do this, and look at all the problems that are standing in between me and this one way to make this work. And you will only really focus on the roadblocks or why something can't happen, or if you're on the path to making that one path work And it doesn't work, then there's no other way to make it work because you're not even looking for other possibilities. It's like the one path didn't work, and so now it's just a failure. Shifting to a possibility mindset, which says there are so many different— there are infinite amount of paths for me to get where I want to go, and I'm going to look for opportunities. I'm going to look for growth. I'm going to look for different ways to approach this. This problem. It's not ignoring the problem. It's looking at it and saying, I see that it's there, I'm acknowledging it. And then how do I find my way through it? And being really open-minded and optimistic that no matter what, you will find a way to get to where you're going. And it's a completely different, like, mindset frame. And I would say I live in both of those mindsets. And I can tell when I'm in a problem mindset, and I can tell when I'm in a possibility mindset. And so I would say right now I'm in between really leaning into the possibilities and not focusing on the problems, on the roadblocks. And I think when we live in that headspace, we don't take action. And I am in action mode right now. And so I am really focusing on the possibilities, the opportunities, and staying optimistic.

Oh, I love that so much. I'm gonna have to go back and listen to that episode.

It's good.

Oh my gosh, I love him, but I haven't listened to him in a little bit. But I love that because I feel like a lot of times problems are exactly the catalyst that we need to go into the stage that we want to be in. And so whenever we see it as just a problem and an inconvenience, because obviously it's disrupting our lives, Rather than, what are the possibilities? I always have options. I always have a way out. Maybe this is pushing me into a new direction that I've always wanted to go in. Maybe this is exactly where I need to be. It can be challenging because you're feeling real feelings about the situation, yet also it trains our brain over time to feel more positive towards that. So I love that. Thank you for sharing it. And I love that you're in between that season because it can really shift the heaviness to more lightheartedness towards something that can be going on in our lives.

Yeah, agreed. What about you?

Oh, um, we literally know this question every week, but every time we're like, let me think. This is such a shocker. Um, I am in between. I feel like I'm in between a lot of dreams. And as the new— as the year is ending, and I feel like I've gotten clarity on a lot of things, excuse me, that I want to do next year, all of it feels very exciting. And also, which is very fitting for today's episode, I feel like there's other things that I need to let go of, and not necessarily like projects or dreams, but perhaps just habits or tasks that don't belong to me, or just certain things that I need to do better about delegating and setting up even more systems so that I can have the time for those more bigger dreams that will require the extra time. And so I guess I've gotten clarity on the things that I want to do next year, and I'm in the stage of what is it gonna take for that to actually happen next year? And what do I need to do before the end of the year So that that actually happens. And so I've been taking small steps toward— towards that, and that feels good. It feels less daunting. It feels really good to not just say, I'll wait till January to do that, which there's a time and place for that. But for me, just taking small steps of research every week has allowed me to just simmer on this information until I need to make a decision. So that's, that's where I'm at.

I'm proud of you. I think that's a, You know, as you continue to uplevel, there is that feeling of like, in order for me to keep moving fast or keep moving up, we want to keep the weight off of us, if that makes sense. And so like a lot of times when we're growing, we pick up a lot of things with us and we're like trying to hold on to all of it as we try to scale the mountain or we try to like walk up into this next level of our lives. And it's like, okay, what luggage, what habits, what like what do I need to literally offload so that I can move quicker and I can feel lighter in my movements. And I'm proud of you. It's like a shedding, isn't it?

Yes, it really is. And I got like a small taste of it this season where I was even telling Nick today, I was like, man, I'm in the middle of my heaviest season. And because I put certain things in place, I don't feel stressed even though I am filled to the brim on my schedule. Like, I actually feel just focused and light and rested. And that's a feeling I didn't have earlier, like last month, but that I have never had in October of being a photographer. So it's just unlocking like the possibilities for me, going back to what you were saying of like, what if this is challenging me to uplevel? So, um, yeah, it's an interesting season. We love the growth seasons, but, um, I, yeah, I can't wait for next year.

Yeah, I'm looking forward to 2024. 24 is the, like the date of my birthday as Well, and so I just have a really good feeling about '24. Oh, and it's like my golden year. You know how you have like a golden birthday? It's my golden year and I'm so excited.

I, I can't wait to know where your golden trip, birthday trip is gonna be.

I was actually gonna ask you, I was like, where are we going for your literally next year? But I'm so excited, like thinking about, um, all the travel and experiences. But yeah, I miss traveling with you. Speaking of, Astrid and I, we are gonna be in Dallas actually next week We got asked to speak at Boss Vision Con, which is a female-focused entrepreneur side hustler conference, and it's in Dallas the 27th and 28th, and there are still tickets on sale. I'll put the link in the show notes along with a code, give you a little discount. But if you're a Texas gal or you'll be in the Dallas area, please come. We would love to see you. We're moderating a panel on self-care as entrepreneurs. So such a big topic. And I'm really excited to get to hang out with Astrid. We're going to have a photo shoot. We're going to do some more pics for the brand, for the In Between pod. And Astrid has inspired me because she's working on not spending money on new clothes. And I was like, oh, I'm going to have to shop. I'm on this no-spend and I'm going to have to shop for our photo shoot. And she's like, no, I'm really going to push myself because I have things that I haven't worn that haven't been photographed. And I really think I can pull some things together. So that's what I did this weekend.

We love friends.

He's really challenging and pushing me. I was like, you know what? I have lots of amazing clothes that have never been photographed professionally that are going to work so well for this shoot. So I did not shop for this photo shoot. And I feel like that's freaking growth.

Yes, it is. Not us shopping so much for our first photo shoot. I know, I know. Yeah. Oh, it's gonna be great. I'm proud of us. And honestly, we have shopped— our previous selves have shopped already for this experience. That's the way I want to think about it. I love that.

Yeah, past me was like, we're gonna need this for a photo shoot one day. Oh, that's great. Um, well, we're gonna do an abrupt shift into today's topic on Showing up for yourself, showing yourself compassion while keeping yourself accountable and holding yourself responsible. So kind of this duality of taking care of yourself and the accountability piece. So I think that first, before we dig in, you know your circumstances best, you know your mental health best, you know your tendencies, your habits, your life experiences. So everything we're sharing is just from our point of view. And it's important to keep that in, you know, we're not here to make anyone feel guilty or give you bad advice. Like, this is more so things that Astrid and I have noticed as we're growing in our careers and in our lives. Like, there's this desire for taking care of our mental health and taking care of ourselves while also still achieving and while also still hitting goals and growing in our businesses and being present in our relationships. Which takes accountability and takes holding yourself responsible. So it's this interesting place. So with that, I'm going to kick it over to you, Astrid, and ask you, how do you know when to show yourself compassion and when to hold yourself accountable? Big question to kick us off.

Yes. Oh, such a great question. I feel like accountability for me is the standard. So let's create a plan, right? What does October look like? What goal do I have in my fitness journey? How many times do I want to work out per week? There is the base. And then compassion is the variable where we're able to factor in our life circumstances. And you're like, oh my gosh, like, this situation came out of nowhere. And I am feeling very emotionally heavy or drained because I didn't expect to have this heavy conversation. I need rest today. I cannot go and push myself, or I need to go for a walk. So being able to be honest with yourself of what you need, I feel like it's the ultimate form of self-love. Yet perhaps there's other situations where you're exhausted from work, things are happening, and you can then say, How can I still meet my goal, but perhaps shift it to meet what my body is telling me right now? I feel exhausted. Well, let's shift that over to— it's never black or white. I feel like that's the biggest part too.

Yeah.

And so being able to be honest with yourself is one. 2, are you giving it your best effort? Is that the best you can show up today? Wonderful. Then you did your absolute best. So that's the way that I like to approach it. And I think at times too, just weighing in, like, how will taking that compassion backseat impact me? Because if it's something that is going to have a very negative effect on your life if you don't do it today, then you just got to push through even if you really do need the rest and you really do need those things.

Yeah.

What about you?

I really like that, this framework, this mental framework of accountability is the baseline and then the compassion is the variable. And so it's saying, I am committing to this level of quality of work. I am committing to this many movements this week. I'm committing to meal prepping, to a date night, to whatever the commitment is. And then the compassion is the variable that comes in and says what's happening in the day that we might need to move things around, that we might need to be flexible, we might need to pivot. Maybe we don't need a strength day at the gym, maybe we need a walk instead based on our energy level, or maybe we can't take 12 calls today and we need to reschedule some. Like, it's giving yourself room. And I think, like, Looking at it through the lens of flexibility, in my opinion, is a manifestation of compassion. Like allowing yourself to be flexible and to pivot is giving yourself room to show, you know, compassion and take care of yourself. Where when things are too rigid and we have to do it and we have to push through, and I think that's where we can really break down our resilience. And we can kind of beat up on ourselves because we're so rigid to the plan and to the routine and to the goal that we don't really allow room for, you know, what's going on in our marriage or our health or our hormones or, you know, whatever's going on in the world that might really be impacting us. And so I think that's a really great way to look at it. I love that.

Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. I also think, hot take. Give it to me. Oh my gosh, these scare me. I'm like, is someone going to message me?

It's okay.

But hot take, I feel like if your mind consistently blocks out compassion and is only in the mindset of, I must suffer to receive what I need and what I want, then that's an invitation to also look deeper Because you also deserve good things without needing to suffer. And yes, there's a discipline and yes, there's a sacrifice, but you don't have to always be in that mindset. And I have seen that even in the entrepreneurial space a lot where it's like, you must suffer. It's like, no, you can be an incredible entrepreneur and not be burning yourself out like every single time. And so I think that can just be a little bit of an invitation If you do notice that pop up, to maybe heal some areas of our lives. And also thinking, to me, something that has helped, because I have been in that space, is how would I want to treat my best friend if she was going through this? How would I advise my sister if she was going through this? And it helps to bring that compassion element in because we hold ourselves to such a high standard.

Yeah.

But at the same time, we can invite that compassionate element.

Yeah, that's such a good point around, around like the invitation that there might be something going on that's deeper. And I think because of these tendencies, so let's talk about, let's talk about when we give ourselves too much compassion. And I don't know if I'm saying that correctly, because I don't necessarily think there's a limit on the amount of compassion that we can extend to ourselves. But I do think that sometimes we can lean into self-care and rest that we end up putting ourselves into a rut. And I'll speak from personal experience. When I am achieving at a high level, I'm performing in my career, things in my life are going really well, but I do feel my energy start to deplete because I'm operating at this like very high standard and I need some rest. In the past, what I've done is I'll perform and then I'll rest, and I'll take a lot of time to just like sit in the rest, and I'll, you know, be on Netflix and doom scroll on my phone, and I'll like almost check out from life because I've put all this energy towards something in my career or maybe, you know, some sort of accomplishment, and then I need this like long period of rest. And I've realized that that's not sustainable for me. And so how do I incorporate rest and breaks while still achieving at a high level instead of burning out? And then I can't sustain that energy to the point where I need like 2 weeks to just recover from the thing. And that is not helpful for me because then it's hard for me to get started again in those moments where I've taken such a big break and I've lost momentum. And so then I have to like, okay, realign on the vision and realign on the goals. And I've got to almost feel like I'm restarting because I've taken this large break. And again, that's just speaking from personal experience. That doesn't work for me. And so I've had to learn like, how do I incorporate the compassion and the rest and the self-care throughout, you know, whatever kind of like sprint or Or busy season that I'm in so that I don't end up, you know, hurting myself in the long run by being checked out, essentially. That's so great. Because I'm burnt out.

Yeah, that's so good. I feel like being able to have sustainable habits during that season is huge because whenever you do burn yourself out and you have to get yourself hyped up again for the next round, our bodies remember the stress, our bodies remember how burnt out we were and how we hated it. And then you're almost avoiding it, which is healthy for your body to do because it was a painful period. And so—

Yeah.

Rather than feeling excited and being like, okay, it's gonna be hard work and there's this reward I really want and it's gonna still be sustainable, we already have this negative feeling towards it the second time around. And that's something that I've also, learned, and I've loved witnessing you in your busy seasons as well, that I've learned from you of how can you still in those seasons have a life. Like, it might not be as much time as your slow season, but there's different ways to rest. And it could just be a 10-minute walk.

Yeah.

It could be getting your favorite coffee. It could be, hey, you start work later today. Let yourself sleep in and then just work a later shift so that your body can fully rest. It's all those little gifts. And that's where I think intuition comes into play of what does your body need, not what do you want. And that's also a big difference when compassion comes into play.

That's a good point around the needs and the wants piece. And earlier you said this around trust and listening to yourself. I think that intuition and trust play a really big role into this. It's like, you know, your tendency to manipulate yourself where you're like, okay, I want this, but how can I turn this want and manipulate it into a need? And so then I can justify doing it, which is so real. How do you know when you're manipulating yourself? Because I can justify anything. Matthew and I talk about this all the time. He's like, it is a skill and it's sometimes good, but sometimes not good.

We have a master. in girl math. Like, we should have a girl math episode where we're like, how do you justify this? And done. Because we are— I literally feel the exact same way. I almost shopped last week, actually, for our shoot, which was so funny that you mentioned that today. Because I was feeling very stressed out, very anxious about so many shoots, so much to edit, and like citizenship tests, like just so much.

Mm.

And I think I noticed in my body wanting that like rush of purchasing something.

Yeah.

It's truly like an addiction. Your heart starts beating just a little bit faster and you're like, oh, but I need it for work. I need a good outfit. We're going to be using all these photos for our promotion. And I think for me, it was more realizing that I wanted that rush and that I was feeling that in my body and it wasn't a conscious decision and that I hadn't taken the steps to then be like, I genuinely don't have anything that I like or feel comfortable in. Then I'll buy it. But for me, whenever that feeling pops up that it almost feels like it's going to scratch the itch, you know, it's going to scratch the itch of stress. It's going to make me feel so much better if I just lay on the couch and watch one full episode of Netflix. It's going to scratch that itch of stress.

Yeah.

But in my body, I know what I really need is maybe fresh air or a home-cooked meal instead of like going through fast food. All of that is how I feel like it pops up in my body.

That's big of like the dopamine hit, really, because it's like that's, that's what you're wanting. And so you shift that into, I need this to feel better, and so this is going to make me feel better, but for how long? Uh, the opposite of this is when you stop yourself and when you notice, okay, I am manipulating myself or I'm shifting too much into self-care when really I need to get this work done. I need to hold myself accountable to this deadline. You know, whatever the situation is, how do you hold yourself accountable without guilt and shame? Because I feel like this is another really fine line that, okay, I notice, like the awareness is there. I've noticed that I'm doing this. How do we not shift into, oh, I'm the worst. I always do this. Why do I always— And you kind of like can beat down on yourself mentally. How do you navigate not shifting into shame when you're holding yourself accountable?

Oh, I love that one. I feel like being able to look to the future and hold future you accountable to that is huge. So if you can maybe This actually happened to me last week. I'm in the middle of busy season. I don't have a lot of time to spend, and I was working the entire day. And at the end of the day, I was like, I probably should have left these 2 things for tomorrow because they weren't top priority, and I worked on those instead. And now I'm behind, and now I'm anxious because the deadline is tomorrow. And so at the end of the day, I was like, what could I do better next time? Is, okay, at the top of my day or the top of my week, even in busy season, highlighting what are my top 3 that have to get done today. Because sometimes when everything's important and it's everyone's calling for your attention, it can feel like that. I spent like 2 hours freaking answering emails and I was like, oh my God, I have to get to all this stuff where the emails could have waited one more day. It would have been just fine. So I think being able—

It's like almost creative avoidance. where we're like avoiding the big thing by still being productive with smaller tasks. Yeah. Okay, keep going. Sorry, this is me.

No, it's so true. We do it a lot. And I think that being able to then take a step back at the end of the day and say, okay, I noticed this, that wasn't great. Now I'm behind. What am I gonna do next time to make it better? And then holding yourself accountable to that the next day and almost having a reevaluation system Where in a way you're teaching yourself, you are growing. And then maybe the next day you did it, but you did it a little bit less. Give yourself grace and say, okay, we moved forward and it's not perfect, but we moved forward and I have less of what I used to be. So what am I going to do different next time? And I think that's the biggest chunk is sometimes we hold ourselves to perfection. And so it's hard to bring that grace or compassion in. When we can't— we need to acknowledge that the process of changing a behavior or being accountable to it, it's gonna take just small incremental changes where you're still doing the thing that you don't like. So maybe you spend a little less next time. Maybe you, instead of going from cold turkey, right? So yeah, I feel like that's how it pops up in my life. But what about you?

Yeah, I have really worked on my negative self-talk. I would say if there's been one Like, my biggest enemy in life has always been my own mind. And so I've really worked on how can I be kind to myself through that? Because my tendency when I am on my— because it's like a cycle, you know? It's like, you know, we work really hard and then we take a break and we do so much self-care that we don't hit deadlines. And then we get mad at ourselves and then we try to change. And then we achieve again. And it's like this cycle. And I've worked to break that cycle by, again, like I mentioned earlier, introducing more self-care practices, more mindful practices during busy times, during high achievement seasons. And then there's also this piece of when I feel myself shifting towards a negative self-talk, And, you know, being mean to myself, really. A couple of practices that I've done, a couple of them is going back and rereading journals. Like, let's go back and see where we were 3 years ago, babe. Okay? We're different. We've changed. We're evolving. We're always evolving. I know you're upset right now that maybe you didn't hold yourself to the standard that you wanted to. That's okay. We're still getting better. Like you mentioned, there's still progress there. Another thing that I'll do is I'll go back and I'll look at photos of myself from seasons of life where I was really struggling and see that my light is different, my face, you know, like the way that I carry myself is different. And it's a visual representation of my growth. And I can say who I was 5 years ago and I can look at her and I can hold compassion for her. Why can I hold compassion for past me? But I can't hold compassion for myself right now. I would never say any of what I'm telling myself right now to me 5 years ago. Okay, mind check. Like, I don't want to speak to myself that way. And so that's something that really helps me visually if I can't always read something and it's not hitting. Sometimes old photos will actually trigger that like positive mindset loop. And then something else that I'll do is I'll talk to like you or Matthew. And I'm, you know, hey, I've kind of been really hard on myself lately. I'm kind of beating up on myself mentally. And leaning into my community and saying like, I've been really hard on myself. And so then we'll talk through it. And it's like, okay, what's the plan? What do you want to do differently? What do you need? And sometimes we are too in our head. And I think we can sit in shame and guilt because it's this like never-ending loop internally. And so how can you open up a conversation with someone that you trust and talk through that with someone? And I am such a verbal processor. And so through that, I usually am also able to kind of liberate that shame and move on. Because it's like even you just saying, Alexis, you're human, you know, you're imperfect and you're growing and you're evolving. Like hearing that from someone that you love and care about.

Yeah.

Can sometimes like, okay, it can like reset the mind as well. Yeah.

Oh, that's so powerful. I love, love what you just mentioned of being able to look at pictures of past you and bring that compassion into it because it's so true. Like, I'll look back at photos and think of myself in that moment. I'll be like, wow, I was so strong and I didn't know it back then. And it's so hard to bring that into present us because we're like, Oh no, like all of this is going on and we're too close to it. And I think also whenever it comes to bringing compassion along with accountability, taking into account where are you emotionally and mentally, because I know for me there was such a huge season and many years of deep healing where when I found myself in pockets of time where I was so frustrated with myself, and I was like, "I why can't I just get these simple tasks done? Why can't I just commit to that and do it? And why do I keep struggling with keeping my word in that?" And I took a step back. I was able to realize that there were deeper things that I needed to heal through, and my avoidance was more of a. Warning sign or alert sign, like hey, there's more going on. I need attention. Will you give me some attention? Will you just journal and sit with me so we can process? And a lot of times it wasn't even that deep. It was just I wasn't giving myself time to speak all the feelings that I had out, which I love that you mentioned community. And then once I wrote it all out, I was like oh, that's what was going on deep inside. Like I feel inadequate. I feel like There's a lot of imposter syndrome going on right now. So I'm avoiding the work because I'm scared that when I jump into the work, I'll see that I'm not talented. And so all of these deep fears were popping up, but I could only see that through journaling. And so I always like to use the word invitation whenever there's a tough season or feeling that we have. It's an invitation for us to get to know ourselves better. It's an invitation to heal a layer that we didn't know was there. And it's an invitation to grow and let go. And so it can be really hard to navigate. But I think bringing that compassion element in, especially when you're healing through stuff, is really huge. It is.

It is. I love that piece around, like, the invitation, because I think even the language that we use with ourselves Yes. Can be harsh or we can hold ourselves to these, like, why didn't I do this? It's like, I'm just inviting myself to investigate. I'm just inviting myself to look a little bit deeper. And that's a completely different way and energy really about when we're approaching learning about why we're feeling something or why we're avoiding something. I've loved this conversation. This has been It's so healing for me even just to hear how you navigate things and talking through this. Last question. When it comes to compassion and accountability, I think that there's an element, for me at least, that's rooted in motivation. And so when I'm holding myself accountable, I feel momentum, I feel motivation, and when I'm showing myself True healthy compassion, I feel motivated to this future version of me that I'm becoming because I'm extending love and care to myself and empathy. How does motivation play a role or fuel holding yourself accountable and then also showing yourself compassion?

Oh my gosh. I love that question. Motivation for me can be short-lived unless it is tied to a bigger goal.

Yeah.

A bigger vision. And so being very clear, like, what do you want your life to look like 5 years from now, 10 years from now? And in those moments where motivation will fail you, it almost pops back in in a different form when you're like, okay, I must get this done if I want to be there in 5 years. And I deserve that. And I know that I can do it. And having that self-talk almost like you would with a friend or with a sister or someone that you love of like, you're so talented, you are more than capable. This is just a roadblock. You have to get this done to get there. Feels very loving rather than like you're failing again. You're not sticking to your goals. You said you were going to do this this week and you're not doing it. And so motivation can ebb and flow. flow, but I feel like having the focus on the end vision will allow you to tap into that motivation when you need it.

Mm-hmm.

So that has really helped me because honestly, the more that you grow, the scarier it gets, the more it kind of hits at your core and you're like, can I, am I actually talented enough to do that? And yeah, tying it to a bigger vision, you're like, you know what, I'll regret it in 5 years if I didn't try.

Yeah.

So I'm doing it for future me to not have that regret.

That's powerful. I am so grateful to have these conversations with you. If you're listening and this resonated and, um, you know, you're really taking something away from this episode, would love for you to leave us a review on whatever podcast platform you're listening on. You can either rate us or you can leave us a written review if you have feedback for us. We're always growing and always looking for ways to improve the podcast. You can also connect with us directly at inbetween.pod, um, and you can also reach out to me personally at Alexis Teichmiller.

Or me at @asterjohannaphoto. Thank you so much for joining us today, and we'll chat with you next time.