How Your Environment Can Impact Your Discipline and Consistency

Welcome to The In Between Podcast. I'm Astrid.

And I'm Alexis. And we're 2 best friends on a journey to living a fun, intentional life.

We know it's easier to share on a season of life once it's behind you, but what about when you're in the middle of the growth, confusion, and decision-making?

This lifestyle podcast is for the everyday gal who loves to travel, talk about business, relationships, fashion, and everything in between. Hello friends, and welcome back to The In Between Pod. I'm one half of the pod, Alexis.

And this is the other half, Astrid.

And today on the podcast, we're going to be talking about environmental discipline, which is such a weird way to say, like, your environment plays a really big role in your growth and in your ability to follow through. So much of discipline is like internal, but when you are trying so hard internally, to make changes in your life, the environment that you're in can foster those changes or it can make those changes really difficult. You can hit a lot of resistance. So I'm excited to talk about this today.

But before we do, let's do some life updates.

How was your weekend?

Yes, my weekend. Oh my gosh. I didn't have a wedding this weekend. So that was very different, especially for the summertime. And I On Friday, I went on a date with my mom, and it was so sweet. We had the best time. And my mom is really on the artsy side, so I chose to do— there was a few things on my to-do list that I needed to, um, get done as far as like framing some prints that I got in Paris and scoping out some canvases and paint, because I've been wanting to paint for the summer. And so we had dinner and did that, which was so And so fun to do with her. And we might start doing that as our thing of painting together because she's been wanting to do that as well. So yeah, that was really exciting. And then Saturday, my boyfriend took me out on a really sweet date in St. Louis. We went to this oyster bar that is just like, it's like a big garden and it had a live band playing. The band was amazing.

So good.

We just stayed for the whole 2-hour set because the max that you can stay at a table is 2 hours. And that's what people go there for as well. The food was incredible. It was kind of— I've never been to New Orleans, but I'm guessing that that's the feel of it for sure. Such a vibe. Went to the garden afterwards. The weather was amazing. We were just kind of going with the flow. Just stayed and watched the band. Good food, good drinks, good company. And then yesterday for Father's Day, we just got to hang out with my whole family, which was—

That's so cool.

Super fun, played games. So all around, lots of quality time. And I know that you were on vacay. Tell us all about it.

Yeah, first off, love that you and your mom are doing art dates. I think that's so cute and something that you have been wanting to do for a while now. So it's cool that you can like do that together. I feel like it's even more fun getting to experiencing it, like experience it with your mom. Um, yeah, so I had a little like family vacation in Kentucky. Ever since I was a little girl, my family has gone to this like really tiny town in Kentucky called Grand Rivers, Kentucky, and it's along the Kentucky Lake. And, uh, yeah, we had our family reunion with my uncles and their kids and their kids. So we had 4 generations there celebrating my grandparents' 65th wedding anniversary, and it was so special, so cute.

Wow.

Um, whenever we celebrated, the, the restaurant that we were eating at, it's called Patty's. It's like, it's like a Leonard Staple, which is my mom's maiden name. The whole family's obsessed with this restaurant called Patty's. And anyways, so their whole staff came out and sang this really beautiful song to my grandma and grandpa, and everyone was tearing up, and it was so sweet. But yeah, I loved it. I got to spend some quality time with my niece and nephew and my cousins. I just don't get to see as often as I'd like. So, it was really great. Got some time in the sun and just chilled. It was a very chill, low-key vacation. And, I definitely had a case of the Sunday scaries yesterday in a really big way. I have a very stressful week this week with just a lot going on. I know we both do. And, it's like when you come into a really big week after vacation, after literally taking 5 days off, you're like— Ah, so that's definitely me today. Yes. But I feel like that's a great—it's a great caveat or like segue into what are you in between right now?

I'll go first. Oh yeah, I was gonna say, I think I might know what you're in between. I'm in between.

Go for it. Managing stress, like the goals that. Are very clear to me that I want to achieve, and then the day-to-day of getting the work done. So just navigating that stress, and I literally just felt my heart start to palpitate a little bit. But yeah, just trying to manage stress in a way that is honoring to my values and to my habits. And literally last week talking about physical discipline, It's like when you're emotionally dysregulated, the first thing that goes out is like your physical discipline and your ability to move your body. And I'm like, I feel that today. So, my goal, how I am planning to take care of myself today through that stress is I'm going to go to the gym tonight. I didn't go this morning. I jumped right into my work week very early this morning to get caught up. And I'm going to go to the gym tonight and I know that it's going to be so good for me. And that's what's going to get me through this day is that I get to go to the gym tonight and just put my headphones in, do something for me. And I'm very excited about that. So all good things. And I was—I'm curious like how you feel about this—but I was watching a documentary last week on like famous coaches, and there was one with Doc Rivers, who was a famous coach for the Celtics for. Was it the Celtics? Yeah, I think it was the Celtics. And anyways, he was talking about how pressure is a privilege. And how when you're in a place where you are feeling immense amount of pressure in your performance, in your job, in like the epitome of what your skills are and you feel pressure in that, like that's a privilege because it means that there has been so many things that you've overcome to get to that point of pressure where now it's your opportunity to perform. It's your opportunity to push through that and to excel. And that When you don't feel any pressure, it's like you're kind of off the hook. And so, I'm trying to lean into the privilege that is pressure and that the life I'm building and the skills I'm building and my responsibilities, even though there is pressure there, it's a privilege to feel it. So, I'm trying to shift my mindset around that. So, I guess you could say that's what I'm in between right now. So, what about you?

That is amazing, girlfriend. I know it's so hard right now, but I love that you shared that of pressure is a privilege. Because when we're in it, we're like, oh, why do I have this stress? Why do I have this thing? And just having that wording come back of like, actually, this is what I wanted for a really long time. This is what I prayed for for a really long time. This is where all our hard work has taken us. I love that perspective. And I admire you so much for shifting and pushing yourself to shift into that mindset because that can be hard to do. And yeah, having a hard week whenever you come back from vacation and don't have your Sunday night to reset and be like, okay, this is the plan for tomorrow. You're just following and trying to catch your breath can bring a lot of anxiety. And thank you for sharing that too, because I think a lot of times we'll listen to the podcast and We're like, this is what we think about all of this. But sharing from the raw moment of the true in-between, like, I am stressed right now and my heart is beating out of my chest. And then you go into sharing how you're working your mind through that can be such a great learning opportunity. So thank you for sharing that. I'm excited for you to have your nice gym session today and just get the best workout of your life with all that stress leaving your body. Me too. What am I in between? I am in between. I would say honestly, it's the same thing. So tomorrow I have my team training. I'm bringing on 4 other photographers to my team. And then I have Ivy, of course, there'll be 6 of us total. And so it's been a lot of preparation. It's been like a almost a year in the works to develop this program from like, is this something that I want to do in my business to recruiting, interviewing, planning out all the training and like what all do I train them on and letting go emotionally of like, I can trust other people with my business and I can trust that I made good hiring decisions. And if things go well or things weren't to go well, I can trust that I will handle that well. And That is hard. It is so hard when it's your baby, when it's your business. When a big thing that I pride myself in is like the customer service and more than the pretty photos, I'm like, I really want you to just feel the absolute best on your wedding day. And it just terrified me for someone to give me pretty photos, but not give that experience to my clients with my name on it. So I just feel so grateful to have found people that I can trust that are so talented and also have that huge heart for people. And so I'm just in that in-between of like, okay, I've got the people, I'm doing the training, and now it's like stepping into this new layer of business that brings a lot more risk. You have to be a lot more organized. You have to have a lot of workflows. A lot of things are shifting and it's a lot more pressure and it's pushing me into behaving in a different level in my business as well. And so I feel excited and also I feel like my stomach's going to drop. Kind of like when you're about to go and make a speech about something, you're like, okay, this is happening. So I'm excited, but I am so grateful for the pressure, so grateful for the opportunity. And, you know, a year and a half ago when I was in corporate, I guess I would've traded everything for this moment and just seeing how it's all turned out. It's just really cool to look back on.

Oh, I love that. You have put so much intentionality into growing your team and like you are a born leader and this is an opportunity for you to step into that in a whole different way. Like, you know, there's something about being a CEO and running a solo business or even being a CEO and having a VA, but there's something about being a CEO of your own business and then having a team. Where you're training and you're—it's about the culture, it's about the outcomes, it's about working together, the collaboration. So I'm really excited to hear what you learn from this, and how lucky are these individuals who get to work with you? So I know tomorrow is going to be amazing. The nerves are real. You know, the nerves are real, and if you weren't nervous, you know, I'd be nervous for you.

Thank you. I'm sure I will be when tomorrow comes, but I feel there's— it's a different kind of nerves when you're like stepping into something you want to do for a while, you know?

Yeah, it really is. It really is. Um, well, let's talk about environment, environmental discipline, which sounds like we're going to talk about taking care of the environment, which is very important, but that's not the focus of this podcast. We're going to be talking about Taking care of your environment in terms of your relationships, in terms of your space. And when you're thinking about— let's kick it off like this. When you stepped into this next season of personal discipline and you knew you wanted to have different systems, different habits, you wanted to kind of build a different lifestyle for yourself. What shifts had to happen for you in your environment to actually foster those changes that you wanted to make?

I think that I had to, A, stop self-sabotaging, but B, also specifically point out, okay, what is around me that is not aligning with where I want to go? So whenever I was in therapy and wanting to walk through this healing journey of finding myself again, of forgiving, of finding purpose in life again, of stepping out of depression, I had to look at my environment and say, what friendships aren't supporting that? What boundaries do I need to place in the conversations that I'm having with people and say, hey, I appreciate that you care, but I actually don't want to talk about that right now. I had to place boundaries with myself of like, What do I follow on social media and who do I need to unfollow on social media to support that mental health journey? And overall, just kind of do a house cleaning aspect of my life in different areas of that doesn't serve me anymore and I am stepping into this new version of myself. So what about you?

I mean, same. I— same. When it comes to— I think you touched on it of like the friendships, the boundaries, the physical space. So when I, over the last couple of years of really shifting my mindset and taking care of myself in a different way, I had to look at my physical environment. And so I can be messy. And I can be dirty. So messy in terms of clutter and dirty in terms of just not cleaning my space, not vacuuming, not dusting, not cleaning off my vanity, nothing. And that was something that was really important to me to change was if I'm going to take the time to meal prep and to take care of my mind and to go to therapy and to move my body and to like really shift who I was becoming, I needed my environment to be a place that felt peaceful, that felt calming. And so, I looked at how can I invite peace into my environment so that it fosters this discipline, this consistency. So, I had to create routines in terms of cleaning. So like every night I do a house pickup, Matthew and I do a house pickup for like 5 minutes. We'll pick up the kitchen, we'll pick up our room, like we'll just pick things up, 5 minutes. And then weekly we deep clean the kitchen, the living room, and our bedroom and bathroom. And then monthly we deep clean the rest of the house. So these are just like systems that we put in place that no matter what, we know they're going to get done. It doesn't have to be on a specific day of the week. Like, we have just found a way to make it work. But now, like, hey, I'm having a stressful day, but our laundry is done, our bedroom is clean, our kitchen is clean, there's no dishes in the sink. Like, I am stressed, but my environment is fostering peace.

Oh, yeah.

You know? So it's like giving my— giving me space to not bring that stress into my environment. Or allow my environment to create more stress because there's clutter.

Absolutely. Oh my gosh. Okay. I love that you're sharing this because I'm going to expose myself right now on the pod. And I am on the whole other side of it where it's like when everything, when there's margin of space in my life, then I maintain that clean space and I love it. And I'm soaking in all of it. But then when everything's chaotic, it's like the chaos transfers into my environment and I am in between and in the middle. of breaking that habit. And so I'm grateful for where I've come from because I feel like before my mind and my heart were so clouded with depression, all these things that was my normal. And now I'm 50% there. And so when things get chaotic, like right now, my kitchen, it's not dirty, it's just there's a bunch of stuff from the weekend. It's just like, there's one thing after the other and we're leaving and we're going to the dinner and we're going to the lunch. And it's like, And I love that you mentioned just taking 5 minutes every night to do a cleanup. And that's something that I'm going to start implementing. And for anyone listening that also struggles with keeping up with stuff, I think sometimes for me, my perfectionism gets the best of me in the sense of I feel like I've recovered a lot in my perfectionism, but I'm like, I either deep clean the kitchen and everything's perfect or I don't. And so the idea of only doing 5 minutes and then leaving half of it undone, I'm like, I can't process it. But at the end of the day, 5 minutes is better. And then maybe 5 minutes today and 5 minutes tomorrow, it'll be all done.

Mm-hmm.

Instead of waiting until like Thursday or Friday when I'm more open to do that. So I'm learning from you. I think that's an area that I still have to continue working on. And I need to look at my systems in those specific areas and do better by them. Because like you said, your environment can bring that peace in when you have chaotic days.

For sure. I mean, and I've definitely been there. I think that's why breaking up like, this is what I clean daily, this is what I clean weekly, this is what I clean monthly. And so then that all-or-nothing tendency of I need to do it all and I need to deep clean with a toothbrush versus this living in a sense of clutter. It gives you that system where you don't have to lean into the all-or-nothing tendency, which I definitely feel. When it comes to family, friendships, social environments, when you are in a season of growth and consistency, what does it look like to to invite your environment with you? Or, as you mentioned, you were looking at some of those relationships that really weren't healthy for you and that weren't helpful for where you were going. How did you navigate that?

Such great questions. I think that something that has always helped me to reduce anxiety of any kind is to walk myself through that scenario in, in advance and then say, okay, what would I like to do if the conversation goes in this direction? And what would I not do if the conversation goes in that direction? And so there was certain people that it's not that I needed to cut them off. It's not that it was toxic. It's just, they just wanted to gossip. They just wanted the tea about what was going on in my life and walking through that scenario ahead of time. Like, I do want to be around them in this group setting. Like, it's not that I have to stay home and not be around them. But okay, if they bring up that scenario, how will I respond? And I would coach myself through it ahead of time. And when that comes up in the moment, I'll just say, hey, thanks so much for asking. I know that you care about what's going on in my life. But right now, I don't want to talk about it. But you tell me, like, what's been going on in your life? Or Actually, let me tell you about this other thing that I've been working on that I'm really excited for. And so you have to give yourself permission first to set up those boundaries because the reality is being caught in the moment, sometimes it's hard. And then you'll look back and think, oh, I wish I wouldn't have told them, or I overshared. And it happens, right? You can't plan all of it. But the more that you do that, then when the scenarios come up, You'll be able to navigate that in a way that feels authentic to you. And so even finances, sometimes family's like, oh, that's amazing. You got a raise or you got a job. How much did they raise you? And they mean it from a great place. And also, if you're in a place where you don't want to share your finances, you can just say, hey, thanks. I'm so excited. Thank you for asking about it. It was significant. I'm really— I Right now I'm keeping my finances to myself. Or you can just overall say, I don't want to share that right now, but I know that you care. So I think acknowledging to not burn a relationship is important. Acknowledging where they're coming from. They just want to catch up on your life. They care.

They're excited with you.

They're worried about you. And also you have the right to your boundaries however you want them. So for me, walking through those scenarios ahead of time or deciding these are the 3 things I don't want to share with people right now or with people that aren't close to me helps me when those scenarios come up.

Yeah. And I think when you're in a place where you're navigating a lot of personal growth and you're in it in these social environments where you're kind of being tested on the fly, Where things like gossip and things that maybe you have struggled with or resistance is going to come up in these social settings because people don't always know what you're going through. They don't know what you're working on. And so I sometimes look at social environments like a challenge. So for full transparency, this past weekend with my whole family, family reunion, the whole family hasn't been together on a trip like this in 15 years, right? So I am, I am testing and challenging myself to show up differently in these social settings. I'm not talking about people. I'm allowing myself to have physical space, to go on walks, to have smaller conversations versus big group conversations. I am deciding what I want to share and what I don't want to share. I'm stepping into conversations with confidence instead of feeling insecure. I'm 30 now and there's sometimes your family always, it's like you're still 7 years old to some of your family.

Yeah.

And so just navigating those things, there's something that can make you feel really proud too. So when you're navigating these social environments, as Astrid said, it's not fully cutting people out. It's just kind of deciding how do I want to show up in these spaces? before I go. And that way, you can walk into those situations with a little bit more peace and a little bit more like, okay, I might not get this perfect and that's okay, but I know how I want to show up. I know what kind of energy I want to bring. Another thing that can be difficult around like your environmental discipline is like a topic is like drinking. So, if you're taking breaks from alcohol—

Mm-hmm.

Or you're not drinking alcohol anymore, So much of your social environment can include alcohol. And so two things I have done whenever I have taken breaks from alcohol is like, "Hey, I'm not drinking right now. I'd love to like not go to a bar or a winery. Can we find somewhere else to go, or can we like pick a different location? Here are some here are some suggestions." Or if I'm traveling with people, my dad specifically will like get certain things that I like. I'm like, "Oh, I'm not drinking right now. Like I appreciate you, but no need to buy anything." No need to get anything. Because just having a bottle of Chardonnay on a hot summer day in my environment, I'm like, oh, that sounds kind of nice. And so how can you have some forethought on your environment and how it's fostering your growth and things that you say that you want that helps you keep promises with yourself?

Absolutely. I love that so much. And on that same vein, Thinking about your friendships, I think that you know with family, family is your family. Like you were born into it, and you create these relationships. And when it comes to friendships and mentors, you get to choose those. And so sometimes we feel like we're stuck in our friendships without venturing out into what it what are the possibilities. So if you feel like your friendships or your circle is maybe not Like you've tried and tried and tried and the gossip still continues and they don't really bring out the best of you and you're like going on benders every weekend and whatever it might be, I think that might be a great opportunity to decide, okay, what would be the best kind of friendships that I want? A, am I bringing that to the table? Right? Is there anything that I can do? Like, am I bringing an energy into it that people think that I want to go partying every weekend, that I want to be gossiping? So holding yourself accountable. And also then if you don't find that in your circle, starting to do friendship dating, right? Of like, okay, this person seems like they might have the same values as me. I'm going to start to change my friendship environment by reaching out and saying, do you want to go on a coffee date? Do you want to go to lunch? Get to know people. And so you're not stuck. That's the thing about environment. Like sometimes we feel like we're stuck in this environment. And it's hard to create new disciplines, you're not stuck. Create new friendships, create new habits, create new things that are going to support the life that you want. So yeah, I think when it comes to friendships, like you, when you're reinventing yourself, it's so fun to think about, okay, well now I'm into running. Like, is there anyone in my life that loves to run that now I can have a friend in that circle? Because maybe the friendships that I have right now aren't very active and that's okay. I can find new friends. That have these new habits and hobbies that I love to also bring that life into my whole life too.

Yeah, I love that. The piece about not being stuck. I think that's a big thing around like your environment and finding discipline and consistency in your environment is recognizing that you have the ability to change your environment. So 2 things I want to mention here are your job and your location. So if you're in a work environment that is not growth-oriented, there's maybe gossip or there's politics there. There's always politics in a work environment, but politics that make you feel uncomfortable, that don't really align with your values. Like maybe you're there to build a skill, you're there to earn a check, like you're there to do your job, but the environment itself isn't really fostering where you want to go with your career. you can leave that job. Like permission to, permission to leave that job, find another job, job search, talk to your manager, have an honest conversation about how you're feeling. But that work environment really can impact your mental health. It can impact your growth. It can impact whether you speak up for yourself. Um, another piece is around location. So whenever I was young, I would say I was like 14, I knew then that I wanted to move away from my small town. And it wasn't that I didn't love my family. It wasn't that I didn't love where I grew up. It was just that I knew that I needed something different. I needed something more and I needed something challenging. And so I was seeking out an environment that would challenge me. And so then after college, I moved to Nashville and have since then, you know, moved around a lot. But that has really helped me normalize that when I'm not in a place physically that is aligning with my values or where I want to grow. And really, like, I'm always thinking about who I'm becoming. And a lot of this conversation is around, like, the becoming self. It's like, is my environment helping me become who I want to become? And whenever I looked at my physical environment, I said, this actually isn't helping me become who I want to become. So I think it's time for me to move. If that's you, that's also a normal place to land. It's okay if where you are is not helping you anymore. Maybe it served a past version of you, and it's not serving you now. And it's okay if you need to move on.

Absolutely. And I think there's an element to that, that There's so much sacrifice that comes with that too. So you get to a point where you realize, okay, my environment isn't serving me anymore, whether it's friendship groups, your job, your location, whatever that might be. And then when you come to that realization, then you have a decision to make. And that's going to take sacrifice. Are you willing to take a job that pays less to have a more healthy work environment where you have more maybe work-life balance, where you feel respected? And that's not always the case, but it might be your options at that point. Or are you willing to put in the effort to put yourself out there and meet new people and ask them out on friendship dates to expand your circle? Or are you willing to save up the money that it takes to go to that new city, that new location, or buy a new home because you now don't want to live in an apartment anymore? It's going to take sacrifice and it's going to take the discipline To focus day by day and be able to break into the environment that your new self is calling to. And I feel like this conversation is so powerful because you never fully arrive. The discipline habit will continue on and on into new versions of you. And once you've conquered one side, then the new Astrid, the new Alexis steps in and is asking for a newer environment with that level of growth that you've had. And so I just love this conversation because if we're able to start with the small habits and these different aspects of our life and work ourselves every single day, then those bigger decisions will come a little bit easier. And the sacrifices that we need to make towards the decisions will be a little bit easier than going from like 0 to 100.

Absolutely. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, like we said at the beginning of the pod. It's looking at those small incremental changes and start to notice. You know, my invitation to you is to start to notice the things in your environment that you actually feel a sense of inner friction towards. Maybe it's a friendship, maybe it's your location, a job, maybe it's your home. Like, hey, I don't like my bedroom. It doesn't bring me peace. It's cluttered. I want to rearrange. I want to clean it. It doesn't always have to cost money to make environmental changes either. You can clean up your space, you can donate things, you can sell things to create an environment in your physical home that fosters more peace and a sense of calmness. But start to notice where you're feeling some of that friction. And then as Astrid said, what are you going to do about that then? If you have that awareness, how do you want to start taking small action towards that? But I, I've loved this whole theme on discipline. It's really been very convicting to me. And in a lot of the ways, I'm still growing and still changing and still becoming. But I think this is an important topic to the discipline theme because, you know, your environment really does play a really big role in your ability to stay consistent, not just start something, but to really stay consistent.

Absolutely. I have loved this conversation. Every time that we chat too, I will have a takeaway from our conversation. And I'm like, I need to do something about what I'm doing in that discipline area. So this month has been so good for me. I'm excited for next week because we'll dive into finances. And I know that we both have had quite a journey there, are still navigating all of it. So it'll be a full-on in-between on finances as well.

Yeah.

But yeah, next week we will definitely wrap up with our financial discipline. And if you have been loving this theme, DM us on Instagram. Like, nothing makes us happier than we get when we get a message that tells us that a specific episode impacted you or how it impacted you. So we'd love to hear from you and definitely connect with us there as well, which is @inbetween.pod. My Instagram as well, you can connect with me @astrajohannaphoto.

Or you can connect with me @alexisteichmiller. Thank you so much for being here. We appreciate you and the community. That we're building, and we'll see you next time.