Influencer Culture and How to "De-Influence" your Choices

Welcome to The In Between Podcast. I'm Astrid.

And I'm Alexis. And we're 2 best friends on a journey to living a fun, intentional life.

We know it's easier to share on a season of life once it's behind you, but what about when you're in the middle of the growth, confusion, and decision-making?

This lifestyle podcast is for the everyday gal who loves to travel, talk about business, relationships, fashion, and everything in between.

Hello friends, and welcome back to another episode of The In Between Podcast. This is one of your hosts, Astrid.

And the other half, Alexis. And today on the podcast, we're back with another hot topic that actually was one of our most downloaded episodes. I think it's in the top 10 right now. We released it, uh, maybe 6 months ago, maybe 8 months ago, last fall, and it was on de-influencing. And we kind of walked through how we are Loosening the tie that social content and influencing has on our purchasing decisions. Um, and just being more mindful of that. And because that topic was so popular, we wanted to do like a refresh of it over the last 8 months where we're at with, you know, buying things and, and, um, just consumption in general online. And yeah, I'm really looking forward to this conversation. I know I always need like a refresher on these things and. But I will say I have really shifted how much those things influence my, my behavior and it feels really good. And so I think like these conversations are, um, almost like a gut check or an accountability for us. And then hopefully for the community to be like, okay, is the content I'm consuming online influencing my purchase decisions? And then how is that impacting my financial wellness?

Yeah.

Like, where are my savings? Where's my debt? So anyways, I'm really looking forward to this convo. Yeah, I have a lot to say.

I am stoked. I am stoked. I feel like this episode definitely is timely because I think that as we shift from seasons or big chunks, right, like we have spring right now, but as we jump into summer, I think there is even more of an influence of like, here's the swimsuits you need to have and the outfits and the things for your trip and Like, there's so much pressure for the ultimate summer wardrobe. And I've given into it at times, and then also been able to make thoughtful purchases this time around. So I feel like that's kind of more what I want to share of how there's been like this whole overconsumption towards trips and summer vacation and summer wardrobe and like what you need to have. And then now being able to scale things back and be like, okay, reality check, like, do I actually need all of this. And if I need something, I can just buy it when I'm there. It's okay. Like, it's, it's not gonna, um, hurt me. But it will hurt me to shop so much before the trip for things that I don't need or could have found better quality for the same price elsewhere.

Yeah. Also, as you were talking, I was even like expanding summer wardrobe and summer trips and vacations To weddings and like how online content influences the kind of weddings we plan, the kind of cars we drive. Like, and I know that that's marketing and we're 2 marketing gals, like we get it. But there's also this aspect of building a filter internally where you decide, is this something I really need? Is this something I really want? Okay.

Yes.

Maybe we don't need it. Maybe we want it. Why do we want it? And so it's like an invitation to going a little bit deeper into why we want the things we want. And is it because it was planted there by something that we saw or consumed online, or is it something that we actually want because it speaks to us and it's a reflection of what we value? And it's because it's something that, yeah, regardless of if someone else thinks it's cool or is talking about it online, this is what I want. And kind of that confidence in our purchasing decisions. So we've already started. We've already gone.

I'm like, do we keep rolling and do in-betweens at the end or?

We can pause. Let's pause for in-betweens. Quick little life update. Where do you want to go first?

Sure. Yeah. So life update. I am T-minus, what, 3 weeks, 2 weeks from leaving to Europe. And I have just been nesting and it has felt so freaking good to be back to my habits, to my clean home every day. Like, it's not like a chaotic clean once a week type of scenario. And I feel so realigned again. And yeah, I have been buying things, but mostly just upgrading certain things that I really needed for my just hot weather stuff. I have not bought a lot of summer things in like 2 or 3 years.

Mm-hmm.

Um, and then let's see what else. I've been shooting like a crazy girl. I have been shooting almost every day. Um, so I have an insane log of weddings and shoots to get edited because since I'll be gone, everything is actually due within the next 2 to 3 weeks. So most of the things that would be like an 8-week scenario, I'm just, I'm doing it now. Um, so yeah, I am hermiting and editing. And going to watch Bridgerton tonight while I edit and catch up on that. But yeah, it feels so good.

Have you started watching season 3?

No, but everyone keeps talking about the carriage scene. Oh my God.

The carriage scene is pretty wild, but I don't feel like it even touches the staircase scene in season 1.

Okay. Okay.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's good. I have a lot of thoughts. I have a lot of feminist thoughts actually on, on season 3. So once you get there, we can digress, um, through that. But I like it. It's good. I just think there are some things about the storyline that I'm a little frustrated about. It's so personal to me, you know.

We will do an episode just where we, uh, talk about and discuss the Bridgerton series.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So you're hermiting. Editing. You're going to feel so good when you get that done. You are going to feel like a whole new person.

Yeah, I'm stoked. I need to clear my queue so that when I get to Italy, I will be also shooting every single day. It's like a honeymoon package scenario. And I just want to feel creatively free and my mind clear to truly serve that couple and not feel stressed and overwhelmed and just enjoy the experience of shooting that. So yeah, we're buckling down, we're getting things done, and it feels good. Good for you.

I'm so proud of you. Okay. Life update. I renovated my office.

Hmm.

For the OG pod listeners, you, um, you know, you know that I've talked about the office a lot on the pod. I've talked about what I want to do with it. And it is finally, it's finally here. It's done. It feels so good. Um, I painted it a really beautiful, like midnight blue and we did, um, some wainscoting paneling, um, all around the room. And I had so much fun just sitting down on paper, mapping it Out and being like, this is what I want. This is the materials we need. Like we're we're doing it, and getting Matthew on board, obviously, because these panels were also very tall. I actually could not imagine doing this by myself. I think it would actually have proved to be pretty difficult to do alone. But I was there. I was like, Matthew, with you or without you, I will be doing this project. It would be better if you did it with me, but like just to show him the urgency, you know, I was like, yeah, we're doing it. Yeah, the pressure. But it feels so good to have it done, and I. I just love being in here, Ashley.

I love being in here. That's funny. Do you feel inspired again?

I do. I do. I have done a lot of things this week in this office that feel really good and it's a nice place to create. Matthew took a mastermind call here last night too and he was like, so that was really nice and I really liked it. And he was like, maybe in the evenings I'll go hang out in there too. But it's very cozy, um, office vibes. I don't know how to explain it, but, uh, one of my friends on Instagram, uh, Ben, he said, I feel like someone's gonna pop out of the wall and hand me an Old Fashioned when I like walk into the office. And I was like, that's the goal, that's the vibe, you know?

Yeah.

Um, so yeah, the office is, is done and just continuing to decorate and hang some art. But yeah, it feels really good. And then also launching a a wellness challenge with just people online. I partnered with one of my girlfriends, Sully. She's in the real estate space. And so, she has a pretty big real estate audience. And, she texted me out of nowhere and was like, hey, do you want to do a wellness challenge? And, I have been so off with my habits, my movement routines all over the place. And, I've just felt really in a funk. And so, I was like, yeah. I mean, what, just you and me or what do you mean? There's like 450 50 people now registered, which is crazy. And I'm really excited for June to do this wellness challenge. And I'm going to meet you in Nice and she's going to be the most wellness version of herself.

We love to hear it. Oh my gosh, your office is so freaking beautiful. The color that you chose, it's cozy. I feel like the blue hints is just the most perfect color for an office space where you need to create and you need to feel all the vibes to come together. But, um, yeah, I'm excited to see how you decorated. I'm excited to see what kind of like— do you think you'll change or add like a lighting fixture in, in the middle of it? Or—

We have a fan right now, um, and I do like having that, so probably not. But I do want to do art And art lights over framed art. So I think I'll do those. And then some— oh my gosh, I have to tell you, I ordered the most decadent dog bed for Piper. It is literally like a little throne. I am so excited. Oh, you have to send me pictures. And it goes with the vibes of this office so well. It's absolutely ridiculous. But I was like, you know what? She spends all of her time with me during the day in here and she deserves— because I got rid of that like green chair that she used to sit in, in corner that I would sometimes put on Instagram. And I'm like, she needs a little soft, cozy place to hang out in here. So I hope she loves it.

Oh, I cannot wait to see it. Everyone listening to this episode, do not be influenced to buy—

Please don't buy a dog bed.

Or do.

Or do. Yeah. If that's really what you want. Um, what are you in between right now?

Um, Quite a lot.

Yes.

Honestly, I feel like I am in a season of going back to my foundations and going back to— I think that when we all go through very hard seasons in our lives, after we go through it, we're like, okay, this is what I'm not doing again. This is what I want to do going forward. And we make those changes and then life gets better. And then A few years happen and then you're like, okay, just doing a little check-in. Where am I at? And so I feel like I'm doing that with my business, with my career, with my life, with my relationships, and just really doing a check-in overall on like, where am I at with the things that I said I wanted to do or where I want to go? And also being okay with letting things go that might not serve me and letting my career look different, letting my life look different, and just being really open to new experiences. And that feels very uncomfortable, but also very peaceful at the same time. I think the peace comes from that's in alignment. And of course, the uncomfort— uncomfortability of it comes more from it's new, it's different, it's change. Yeah. So that's where we're at. I—

yeah, I know you're doing kind of a life audit in a lot of ways, and I'm really proud of you for taking a pause And figuring out what areas of life are growing and giving you life and like feeding towards the life that you're building. Um, and I think that's hard, but so necessary. Like you're one of the most intentional people I've ever met and you are just applying that level of intentionality to your life and kind of looking at what areas you want to grow in and other areas where you're like, These things need to change. And yeah, I'm proud of you for doing the work. You never shy away from doing the hard work.

Thank you, babe. That means so much. I'm excited for what's coming and I'm excited to switch things up too in my career. And I'll probably share more on that in August. There's a few things like I'm switching within the business and adding to the business, but I'll keep that under wraps for now. But what are you currently in between?

Ooh. Okay. I would say that I am in, what do I wanna, what do I wanna say here? I know. Sorry. I feel like this is probably getting old for people. They're like, listen, Alexis, like, you know that this is coming every single, every single week. But I would say, um, finding a sense of energy again in my life. I think that coming back from being on a long trip. And like every single day was inspiring and every single day was just so like meaningful and magical. And like, how do I bring a lot of that sense of spontaneity and excitement into the daily life? I don't— and I know that I've said this before, but like I don't want to be building a life that I feel like I need a vacation from or I feel like I need to have time away from.

Mm-hmm.

And yes, trips and all that's amazing, but like how do I bring that sense Into the everyday, and I really realize that it's collaborating and working with people, like really leaning into that. And I think that when I get back from because I'm going home to Illinois for a couple weeks, I have a really big summit virtual event at work, and then I'm going to see you and have our like summer in France girls trip. I'm so excited. I think when I get back from that, I want to start offering like free coaching to women who are. Like just in seasons of life where they just need some support and just kind of like getting back to the foundations of why I started and just like really giving more of my time, serving more. And I think that in order to do that, I have to be full and I have to have that energy in order to do that. And so, I think this challenge, this Holistic 30 Challenge in June will be really helpful for me to kind of recenter and reground myself. And so much of what I want, I already know what I want actually. I know what I want to build. I know what I want to write. I know what it is. I just have to do it. And when the motivation fluctuates and the discipline isn't there, it impacts like my consistency.

Mm-hmm.

And so I am just really like coming to terms with that aspect of myself and working on building up that like mental toughness when it comes to the consistency side of like output for creative work and for my business. So yeah, a lot of like things that are very connected and I feel really good about it though. Like even though it's an in-between, it's something I feel a lot of clarity on. And yeah, I just want to get back to honestly, like when I first started creating content online, the pressure was low and the vision was high. And I was like, we are just, we are just, we're just out here. We're just living. We're just posting. We're just connecting. Like we're just being vulnerable. We're not overthinking anything. And I think over the past couple of years, I have lost that a little bit. Um, and I want to kind of get back to that version of me or resurface her. She's very much still here. I just kind of like bring her back up to the surface and give her space to breathe.

So yeah. I love that so much. I think that as creators and creatives, the layer of how social media has evolved actually holds us back and has created this layer of dust or fog from what we can actually put out there because there's all these rules or quote unquote rules and all these things that the algorithm wants and all of that. But How beautiful that you're going back to your roots in so many areas of your life, it seems like. And then also from an online perspective, being able to do the things that bring you that community that you love so much. You're such a community person. And I think being able to just share what it is that's on your heart, get creative with— if you do go and do a shoot or go and do some kind of project and being like, I'm going to have fun with this and create great content just because I want Yeah. Period. And putting it out there without caring about how everything results, I think, is something that we can all learn from and be able to take with us. Because yeah, I feel like social media really robs us of that beautiful part of creating art and putting it out there.

Agreed. Fuck strategy. That's how I feel. I'm gonna bury the F word 17 minutes into the episode. Okay. Let's talk about de-influencing. So where do you want to start?

Hmm. Well, right before we started this episode, um, you were sharing your initial thoughts of de-influencing and we were having a really great conversation about how social media space is actually shifting. And a lot of creators and social media influencers are now going back to their 9 to 5s. And I'm excited to continue that conversation, uh, on the podcast because I I just saw a TikTok on this last night and I'm curious what you've seen and what your thoughts are. And I feel like we can just start there, like a broad social media perspective of where everything's at with, um, content.

Yeah. So, um, I have also been seeing a trend of, you know, especially like around COVID, a lot of people were spending time online and they were gaining a lot of traction, a lot of virality and a lot of followers very quickly. And then they were able to have an audience that they could monetize. So then they quit their 9 to 5. But a lot of times the content that made them relatable and the content that allowed them to grow and become viral was them living an everyday life and them going to their 9 to 5, them in the office, them like, you know, and even post-COVID, like going back to the office. Office content is actually very interesting. It's very relatable because the majority of America you know, works in an office every single day. And then when the creator becomes a full-time content creator, they're no longer having that level of relatability in terms of the work, if that makes sense. And so now they're just showing them their everyday life. And I was specifically listening to a creator talk about how she actually has gone back to the 9 to 5 because she was tired of talking about herself. And she was tired of like editing and filming herself and seeing herself so much to the point where she became incredibly hypercritical of her body, of herself. And like because her content, she felt like she had to buy more, she had to do unboxings, she had to like consume things so that then she could show it to her audience and say, hey, look at this thing, so that she would literally have content to create. And it was such an interesting like multiverse of like the funnel, if you will. But she's like, I am tired of this and I want to go back to, you know, the 9 to 5 and I want to have a job and I want to have a sense of, um, have a sense of like groundedness, if you will. And I, I just thought that was really interesting. And a lot of times we are influenced by influencers and content creators and to see this like Ebb and flow of a lot of creators leaving their leaving their nine to five to become full-time creators, and now we're seeing the pendulum swing back the other direction. I find that really interesting, and I I'm gonna say this: This is the last thing. There's a creator, great follow. His name's Jay Klaus. He's a a business creator, and he he thinks that creators are kind of in two camps. You have education-based creators and entertainment-based creators, and education-based creators will naturally have more of a sustainability cycle to their business model because they're teaching something. They are an expert in something. So if you think of content creators that come to mind, they're teaching you about taxes. They're teaching you about, um, like hormone specialists. They have something to teach that's not about them. They are not the subject of their content. Sometimes they are, but then entertainment-based content creators, usually there's something about their life is entertaining. And so they're creating about that specific subject, which is their life. And that's a lot less sustainable. So it's just interesting. And I think that when you can start to kind of like step back and see how all these different marketing chess pieces come into play as a consumer, you can also start to make decisions a little bit differently on who you follow and what you buy and things like that.

Yeah, absolutely. I think that a lot of companies have also shifted their marketing to include influencers and to include like, how can we position ourselves within this Coachella weekend? Or how can we position ourselves with this creator that has X amount of followers? And so I feel like one thing drives the other. Like people are getting paid very, very well to feature those products. They're making a living out of it.

As they should. Right, right. As they should. Like, get your bag.

Yeah, like the, the mental health that it must take to constantly produce that, to constantly take those deals and to put the content out there. And as a consumer, I've seen some of my favorite macro and micro influencers shift, unfortunately, a lot of their content to just posting products and things that they're selling. So I don't really mind that they're selling anything because I want to know what you like. Like, I like how you dress. I like your skincare, whatever, like all of those things. But I think it goes down to foundations of marketing and sales. It's like you should only sell 20% for like, you know, your entire content and the rest should just be very much just you or your lifestyle or whatever you're teaching. And of course that comes into play of how exhausting it would be to always film your life and to always do that. But I find that now when you jump on social media, it's consistently links and products, and that's the majority of it. And so even as I'm prepping for my trip, my feed is all like, everything you need for a Euro summer and your Euro capsule wardrobe. And here's all the things that are going to save you time and space and whatever when traveling. All of those things. And I've found some great products through it. So like, I'm grateful that that's out there and it's so easy to do some research. And I think going back to what this podcast episode is about is how can we de-influence ourselves and have a filter, a really solid filter of everything that we're consuming, understanding that for a lot of people, that's their job. They're supposed to put these things out there. They could be very genuine about it, but also us consuming all this content also skews our reality of like, you're taking a trip and so-and-so took a trip, like my trip should look like them. Like, I want to take the pictures in front of this place, and then I want to shop at this place, and then I want to dine at this place. And that is perhaps not within the tax bracket that we're in, and that's okay.

Yeah.

But we put this pressure on ourselves. Like, I want to have that lifestyle that they're selling, so therefore I will buy and do the things that they are posting.

Yeah, it's totally psychological. And it's like, you've got influencers now on private jets normalizing that. Like, it's the normalization of luxury. And you even see this with a lot of, like, people buying luxury goods. When that's something like the the luxury goods market is up significantly, whereas like even seven years ago, I would never even think about buying a Prada bag. That that thought had never even crossed my brain, and now I have two. And like I'm I'm exposing myself here too. Like this isn't this isn't us being like look at us we have everything we've got it all figured out and like we are not. Susceptible to this. No, we are literally peeling back the layers of our soul and being like, we get it. This is us. We understand the influence. And I don't regret those purchases, but the point is I didn't go into debt purchasing them. And I think that's a big thing that when you're trying to keep up with the Joneses and you're trying to experience this lifestyle that you see online, where is your money? And, and, and what— where's your savings? And what's your credit card debt? And, and are you paying that off every single month? And how is that impacting your credit? And like, how is that credit card debt growing with interest? Like, there's so many things that even having your credit card linked to Apple Pay and buying things on Instagram, buying things on TikTok Shop— I get it. Like, it just— you don't even see it. It's just flowing. And you're like, oh my gosh, I actually spent X amount of dollars this month and I didn't even make a conscious decision. I just hit the button and it showed up at my door. And I think it's just the psychology of taking a pause.

Yeah.

Can we just take a pause? Can we just say, do I really need this? Is this something that is adding value? Do I have something already like this? There's so many aspects of that that I think can help us kind of break this trend and also the validation that those things give us.

Mm-hmm.

Like by having the expensive designer bag, by taking the trip that you put online, everyone's like, oh my gosh, it looks amazing. Like why are we doing those things? Is it because we really like it and because we really enjoy it and we just want to share and it feels intentionally lighthearted to us? Or is it because we are trying to keep up with this narrative or this vision of this lifestyle that we see other people have that we also want?

Yeah, absolutely. I think that's where the influencing part comes in because we may picture ourselves or see someone that takes a picture in a really cute outfit and we're like, oh, I want that. I want to look like that. And then we purchase the outfit, But then we are also completely being oblivious to the closet that we already have. And like, hey, could we perhaps have pulled together just an outfit that's similar to that? Just got an inspiration. But I think the validation that the purchase gives us is, I am just like them. I have that too. Rather than, that looks beautiful. How can I recreate with what I already have? And so Kind of exposing myself out here too and to share the thought process through this as well. There was a lot of things for my trip that I was like, I need this and I need that and I wanted to buy. And then I did. And then when I saw them at home and I looked at my closet, I was like, I don't need this anymore. So we are returning them.

Did you return things?

Yes.

I did too. Even prepping for the 2-week The trip with Matt's family, I bought things and when I got it, I was like, I returned it. I was like, why did I? So even like that practice is good, you know, if you're buying it and then you get it and you're like, you know what, actually just return it.

Now that I've covered up.

Just return it.

Yes, absolutely. And I think a really key thing too is just being able to sit with your purchases for a little bit of time. So as we have discussed purchasing and influencing and all of that, what are some things that you find yourself right now de-influencing in your life?

Yeah. A big thing is going to Target, Marshalls, TJ Maxx on the weekends. There are times where if I want to decorate the house or there's little things where I like going and doing that, but I think a lot of content is, especially this spring, hauls, a lot of content of like, I just got back from Target. I just got back from you know Marshalls, and the thing is is the brain says, "Hey, those are discounted spots." Like Target's pretty affordable. Marshalls is pretty affordable. Like these are things that are already on sale. You're going to walk into a store and know that things at TJ Maxx are on sale, and so even psychologically you're like, "I'm getting a deal." And so I would say I'm de-influencing myself from. I don't watch those anymore. I've actually like. you can hold down on TikTok and say, I'm not interested in this content. Um, and that's really helped my feed. So I've been doing that a lot and like starting to curate things I want to see and what I don't want to see. Um, and then I would also say, um, de-influencing just shopping in general. I feel like I'm in an interesting place. I got back from, um, from our trip to Europe early May and I was just like, okay, I'm done. I don't know how to explain it, babe, but I was literally just like, okay, cool. Like, I love what I have. I love my clothes. I'm not buying any more workout wear. I'm not buying any more shoes. I'm not buying— like, I'm not— I'm done. Um, even for our trip to France, I really am pushing myself to not buy anything for that trip. Like, I don't need, need in quotes, anything.

Mm-hmm. Right.

And yeah, I don't know. I feel like this mental shift of like, okay, we're going to save for the car. I think a big thing actually was our tax bill came in. We love a 5-figure tax bill. We love that. And so thankfully we had money set aside for it. We knew it was coming. But even just seeing that amount of money leave your bank account, you're like, okay. All right, we're we're we're slowing the pace. We're being mentally tough. We are like not eating out as much, and we're we're kind of peeling things back a little bit for a couple of months, and that feels responsible. And I think that like I'm of two minds, and I'm curious for you. Like do you ever just have like a like mindset about it? You're like you know what just whatever. Like like I work so hard. And I just want to spend and I just, you know what? I deserve it. And the other brain is like, okay, we have savings and we have a plan and we're saving for a car and we want to be responsible. And I, those 2 brains, I feel like that's the angel and the devil on my shoulders. Do you have that?

Absolutely. Absolutely. I feel like I started prepping for my trip and being like, I want the most. in my outfits. Like, because fashion is just fun. It's just so freaking fun. I'm like, I want the best experiences. Like, this is my trip. Like, I get to actually enjoy it after I'm done shooting. And then I've been working myself back through it. And honestly, it started because really I didn't want to pack that much stuff because it is so uncomfortable to go all throughout Europe with a lot of luggage.

I was like, Oh yeah.

Reality check, Astrid. How much do we— can we pack? And you want to buy stuff when you're there. And so something that I have been working through is I saw this thing on TikTok that was influencing in the best way, which was the 333 rule when packing. So you can do, for example, 3 pants, 3 shorts, 3 tank tops, 3 linen shirts, whatever. Anything that you're packing, no more than that. 3 pairs of shoes. And then if you're going to be able to mix and match those things, obviously there's like, okay, well, I really love this dress, so I'm going to add this one, but it's minimal. It's not like, well, I also really love these pants and this shirt and this skirt and all the things, and you are overpacking. And so I have found myself in trips where I have overpacked, and then I also shopped in the trip. And I had this weird feeling of almost over-consumerism in the trip just because I have so many clothes packed, yet I just came back from shopping.

Yeah.

And something about that just felt odd. And so that really helped me when shopping where I was like, okay, what do I actually need that I haven't purchased? So for example, I didn't really have good shorts. My shorts are very, very outdated. I was like, I'm going to get one pair of black linen shorts and one pair of tan linen shorts. I'm gonna get one pair of linen pants and one like in different colors. And I've done really good with that. So I feel like I have made some solid decisions. There's a few things that I'm like, I didn't really need and I'm returning them and that's okay. Um, but I think just being able to catch our mindset on that is important.

Yeah.

And going back to what you said of like the angel and the devil, I think you gotta let the devil come out sometimes. But you got to plan for it. Plan for it.

Okay.

Yeah. So what do I mean? For example, I know that I want to eat at some really great places over there. So if I choose to shop for $150, $200 at each location or whatever I'm buying for, I am choosing to sacrifice one of those restaurants because I can't just do both in this season of my life. And so I look at that and I'm like, no, I prefer that experience. This dress or this specific thing is not as important. I have so many dresses I have only worn once. And that's another thing, de-influencing the fact that you need to have a new outfit for everything. Like, just rewear the stuff, even if you're on a long trip and you've already taken pictures in it, whatever. Like, rewear it, mix and match, who cares? But I think at the end of the day, it's about what are you sacrificing when you're choosing Those things that you're buying? Could you be saving for something big that you want? Could you be sacrificing an experience with friends? Could you be sacrificing something that you really need? Your credit score. Your credit score. Like, there's so many things. And I think honestly, if you struggle with this, pull it up in your notes app and like write down what are the things that you're sacrificing when you overspend. And look at it every time that you want to purchase something. And maybe that can help I love that.

I've been seeing a lot of videos on Instagram and TikTok of, it's like when the trip, when prepping for the trip is more expensive than the trip itself. And it's like all the things and all the things they've bought for the trip. And I'm like, gosh, like one, I've totally been there. I'm not judging that. Also, I think there's like a self-awareness aspect of like, can not everyone can afford thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars to not even just go to the trip, but then also buy a whole new wardrobe for it. Yeah. And I think it, it sets this expectation that we have to be wearing the best. We have to be— not everyone, not everyone can travel. Not everyone has the resources to do that. And I, I think that's where like a lot of privilege comes in, is recognizing what you have and stewarding it well. And I think this is where, to your point, like the angel side is like, hey, if you have this and you make this money, let's make sure that— let's have all these buckets set before we go do anything else. So like, I know that foundationally my finances are in this place so that then anything extra goes towards You know, a trip or goes towards a beautiful dress I want, and that's great. But I think it's like I have to know that I'm setting myself up good financially, and I've talked a lot about this on the podcast. You y'all know my dark, dark history of me and my finances. But um, I just think like the psychology of who we follow influences us and the and the behavior that we take based on. Who influences us. So I mean, this is just your regular scheduled reminder to go through and unfollow people. And, um, you know, you don't have to— it doesn't have to be a big thing, but like tapping on TikToks and, and saying I'm not interested in this content. Just give yourself a break from the things that are influencing you and honestly like making you feel bad. Like, yeah, I should— why aren't I taking a trip with my partner? Or Gosh, literally this, this, I'm again, again, this is like, this show's about transparency. Last week, this influencer I follow who I love, she's a fitness influencer. She was in Hawaii, um, with her partner for their anniversary. And Matt and I are celebrating our 5-year wedding anniversary, um, in October. And we're going back and forth on what we want to do. And there's this resort in Hawaii where I'm like, okay, we should like, And I looked up the nightly rate, $1,000 a night. And I'm like, in my brain, I'm like, well, we—

It's our 5-year.

It's our 5-year. Like, we should—

what?

Like, what? And Matt's like, well, we got to also get there. Like, it's not— Matthew's so practical and I love him for that. And he is my financial bestie because he I don't know where I'd be without him. I love him so much. And I need that. I appreciate that gut check. But it's like what we think we have to have in order to make something meaningful.

Yeah.

And in order to make something special and to celebrate things. Like it doesn't— like my cake for my birthday, real life example, I got that like big cake for my 31st that said older, wiser, hotter. And I got quotes for a cake like that, $350.

Oh my gosh.

$350. And I was like, no. So H-E-B, our local grocery store, made that for $50.

I love it.

And it could feed 30 people, you know? And I was like, amazing. So are there things that we can do that's like, I still wanted that cool cake, but I didn't need, you know, the $350. And I'm sure that baker, you know, was— it was worth every penny. Go get your bag, honey. But like, that was not something that I wanted to qualify spending that amount of money on. So I think there's just ways that we can gut-check ourselves, um, a lot of the actions that we take and who's influencing us with when in reality we don't actually really need it.

Yeah, absolutely. I love how we were talking earlier too about weddings, and now that you mentioned the wedding cake, or like the cake, that reminded me I feel even as a wedding photographer, I feel like de-influencing weddings is huge and I am such a fan. I have been seeing a lot of my clients now shift into even more intentionality. I have a couple that they don't want to spend all that money on a wedding, even if their family is going to pay for it. They're like, we would rather have that for us and for our house. And so they're getting married in Hawaii next year in May, and it's just them two and their best friends. And they're working through telling their family because they know that they're just going to want to show up, but they're setting those boundaries because they said it's just one thing leads to another. I mentioned it and then my mom was like, well, we can't just have it at our family property because older people. So now we need a venue. And then, well, now we're at a venue, so then what's the food cost? And then, well, we need alcohol. And then, well, we need like dessert. You got to celebrate that. And then there's a DJ. Like, what are you going to do after your dinner? And like, one thing just adds up with another. And so if you're someone that you're in that season where you're engaged or you're planning or thinking of the future in that sense, know that it is okay to just take the alternative route. Do what is best for you and your partner. Maybe it's not even a money issue, but you just want to go all out on a honeymoon. You're like, we're going to spend a whole month, 2 weeks, whatever. Go for it. And then at the same time, if like you really, really want the wedding day, cool. But like, shoot, get like, get that wedding day and do the things that you know that you want and not because it's the newest TikTok trend. Not because it's going to just look amazing in photos, not just because of the guests, but you're like, no, like I want to host all my family and friends. And like, this is what I would do if I had them at my house. And you're able to like be in that position where it doesn't hurt your finances and you have the means for it, then go for it. But I think I see and have seen so many couples that I had a couple specifically, like, they didn't end up buying their house because they wanted to pay for the wedding, and the wedding itself was more than $100K. And so I think when you're making, like, certain sacrifices like that for your life, is it worth it long term? Right now, if this is, like, a small percentage of your overall income and what your resources— good for you, go for it. Yeah, but I think being able to put away some money or put away the influencers that are causing you to like, now I need this for my wedding and now I need that, is hard. And the last tip I'll share on that is choose your top 3 categories where you're like, these are essential to me. I want the absolute best of that. Say photography. Of course I want to recommend that. Not biased at all. But photography does last and stays with you forever and for generations to come. Maybe you want your venue and then maybe really good food is important to you. Cool. Now you know all the other areas where it's like maybe the dress didn't make the cut in that. Like still choose a beautiful dress, but maybe it doesn't have to be thousands and thousands of dollars.

Yeah.

So choosing priorities helps to not make everything a priority and to then overspend and overdo it with your budget.

I think the same thing applies to trips too. It's like, what about vacations? Do you want to— this is where I want to spend my money, this is where I don't. Even with your wardrobe, you're like, hey, I really care about denim. I want good denim and I want good shoes. But when it comes to tops and things like that, maybe I'm more, you know, shopping for discounts there. Like, I think you can apply that top 3 priority mentality to every, like, area of your life.

Yeah.

And then you know what's important. And then for the things that aren't important, they don't make the cut, and that's okay. I also think, as you were talking, I think shifting the mindset of influencers are there to educate or entertain us. They are not there to dictate our behavior. And I really think that influencer culture And while I think it's opened up an amazing pathway for women, especially to, you know, make more money, support themselves, support their families, like I, I want to say I'm not in any way downing or dogging on the influencer industry or the creator industry. I think it's beautiful. And just like every single aspect of life, there is a dark side of it. There is a side of it that we have to have responsibility for as consumers. And we have to recognize like, hey, this is entertaining to me, but it doesn't dictate what I do. Or, hey, this is educational. Wow. Okay. I'm going to change my perspective on that, but I don't need to go buy anything. I don't need to go buy a course every time I want to solve a problem in my life.

Yeah.

And so I think just giving yourself that perspective and giving yourself the power back as a consumer, Um, is really important. Like, you are the, the person steering the ship in your life. You get to decide. Um, so yeah, I, I really enjoyed this conversation. It's kind of reflective of a lot of the things I've been thinking about on a deeper level.

Mm-hmm.

And I hope it helps you. Like, I hope that it, you know, by us exposing ourselves and then in ways that we're growing, um, you know, we're not, we're not getting it right every time. We're not perfect. But I do think these conversations, especially in a time like this, are really important. Um, because I think if you let it, if you don't talk about these things, you don't think about them. I think we can really put ourselves in really difficult places financially and relationally. Like, well, I saw that this, this girl's best friend did this for her. My best friend doesn't do that. Or I saw on TikTok, you know, this husband did something really sweet for his wife. My husband hasn't done that. We can even compare and contrast relationship stuff that we see online and then we bring it into our personal lives and we're like, why don't you do this? Well, they probably do a lot of other great things. They just didn't do that one thing you saw online. And so that can really start to deep seed our thoughts towards people in our lives too.

Oh my gosh, yes. I have loved this conversation so much. Being able to have that check in conversation, even like as best friends, and then being able to share with everyone else of, we navigate this just as much as you. We love shopping just as much as you. We love to shop. Here's the truth in between of where we're at between our trip shopping and our travels and our life. And we're also trying to make wise decisions for our future. And it's not easy, but I do hope that this episode inspires you to take a step back, to create a little more time and space between each purchase and each decision, and ultimately just take your power back. Like, what do you want for your life? And make decisions based off of that, not just because it popped up on our Instagram feed or our TikTok feed. So we love you all so much. Hope that you enjoyed this part 2 of the de-influencing episode. And if you want to connect with us, you can do that at inbetween.pod. And you can connect with me at @astrajohannaphoto on Instagram.

Or me on Instagram @alexistechmiller. And with that, we'll catch you next week.