Questions to Ask Before Making a Big Decision

Welcome to The In Between Podcast. I'm Astrid.

And I'm Alexis. And we're 2 best friends on a journey to living a fun, intentional life.

We know it's easier to share on a season of life once it's behind you, but what about when you're in the middle of the growth, confusion, and decision-making?

This lifestyle podcast is for the everyday gal who loves to travel, talk about business, relationships, fashion, and everything in between.

Hello friends, and welcome back to another episode of The In Between Podcast. This is one of your hosts, Astrid.

And the other half, Alexis. And today on the pod, we're talking about criteria that we use to make big decisions. So Astrid and I have talked a lot on the podcast around making pivots in your career, in your business, in your relationships, And we've also talked a lot about how important our value systems are. But when it comes down to actually making choices and being a decisive, proactive person, what filters are you using to make decisions? And so we're going to talk about our own decision-making framework as individuals. Like, what is important for Astrid for her to make a decision? What's important for me? And if you're in the middle, or in between a big decision right now, I hope that this podcast helps you get one step closer to making a choice and feeling really empowered building your own kind of filter or criteria for what helps you make decisions in your life.

Yes, I love this topic so much because I feel like you said our own life experiences change our decision-making. And whenever it comes to bringing both of our viewpoints together, we both come from our own life experiences. And so I think it's gonna be a great topic to share how we go about those, and also with our different personality types too, how that comes into play with our decision-making. And as we've matured and grown up, how we've added things to our decision-making process to balance off some of our tendencies from our personality as well. But before we dive into that, I hope that you all enjoyed last week's episode. It was a vulnerable one. And I forgot to tell you this, but after we recorded, Nick and I went on an impromptu tacos, Mexican food date, and we talked about our biggest fears. And it was such a great date and such a great conversation. So there's some inspo for your next date night. Good.

I— it's always interesting learning and going a bit deeper because I feel like we talk about fears or like, oh yeah, I'm scared of that. But actually digging into like, what are your biggest fears? Um, it's, it's a vulnerable but like a connective conversation.

Yeah.

Yeah.

On the drive back this weekend from the wedding, we were trying to stay awake and I asked Riley, I was like, so what are your biggest fears? If he's listening to this, shout out to you.

Did he share?

He did, yeah. He was like, oh my God, Astrid, it's so late. I was like, but what are they? I mean, if you don't want to share, it's fine. He's like, oh yeah, it's fine. So we had a great convo on that as well. But, um, it's been top of mind for me and it's been great.

Yeah, same. I've been kind of reflecting on it as well. Um, so how was your weekend? You had another wedding?

I did. So this one was, uh, 3 hours away from home. So 6-hour round trip. But this one I got to shoot with Riley, which is one of my best friends. He does video. And so we left on Friday, had a friend hang out in St. Louis and had dinner and just caught up on life. Life has been so busy lately for both of us. And then the wedding was absolutely stunning. Did not rip my pants. So that was 10 out of 10.

And for those of you that don't know, Astrid's a wedding photographer if you're listening for the first time.

Yes, yes. And for those of you that don't know, I ripped my pants a couple weeks ago. Shooting a wedding. Yeah, shooting a wedding. And then this coming weekend is my boyfriend's 30th birthday. And part of the lifestyle of being a photographer is you book things way far out in advance. And in my case, most of my weddings are a year and a half or 2 years out. And so A lot of the things that I booked in this season was when I was single at the time. And I was like, yeah, I could pop on over and travel and do all these things everywhere. And little did I know that my boyfriend's birthday was going to land in the middle of all of this. So I will be gone on his 30th and that weekend, which is hard.

Yeah.

But we're making the best of it. And he's just so great about going with the flow and supporting my goals and not holding me to my crazy schedule. And so we celebrated a little bit on Sunday, and then his actual 30th birthday gift is a March Madness game. So it'll be much later on in the— like, earlier on in the year, but that's his gift.

Does he know?

Yes, he knows.

He knows. Okay. I was like, he's gonna listen to the pod and he's gonna find out.

He's like, oh my gosh, surprise.

I love that. That's such a good gift because it's an experience to I know that's something that you guys both love, so, oh, I'm so happy for you. That's gonna be so fun.

He's a big basketball guy too. I'm excited. Um, but how was your weekend?

Good weekend. My mom and my dad and my brother came to visit Matthew and I in Houston this weekend. It was so good. It was very wholesome. Like, Friday morning we went— we all went to the gym together, and I just think that's really cool, like going in working out with your family.

Yeah.

And, I'm someone that has had like a very up and down relationship with movement and food and just that relationship. I feel like my family is getting to know me in a new way because I really started a lot of my journey when— like, I've been in this lifestyle now and they haven't seen that on the daily. And so, it was just cool to share like that morning habit. We're up at 5:30, we're going to the gym at 6:00. And, like, just bring them on with me. We were listening to, like, my news podcast on the way to the gym, like I do every morning.

Oh, yeah.

And, I felt like I was really, like, immersing them into my morning routine, and it was really lovely. And, got some good one-on-one time with my parents and just got to catch up. Like, I think that when you are hosting friends and family from out of town, there's this need or this pressure to want to show them so much of your city and do a lot of things. And, you're bopping around from And there were moments on this trip where we just sat and just enjoyed each other's presence and sat in the living room and talked and just, like, watched a movie together and did some of those more mundane things together. And I loved that because I can sometimes feel like I need to plan everything from the moment they're awake to the moment that they go to bed. Like, did you have a great experience with me? You know, like, do you like my city?

Like—

And so this time around, I felt like I got to enjoy it more. I feel like I lowered the pressure on that and just focused on spending quality time together. Didn't matter what we did, we just want to be together. So that was really lovely. And then if you've been listening to the pod for a while, you know, and this is so great because we're talking about decision-making today, I have been dragging my feet on finishing our house and like with decor and just getting things to a place that makes me really proud and really happy. And we finally got a new TV entertainment center. And like that spatially looks good in the, in the space. And just, I was so happy. Matthew and I went back and forth on it and I did not make an impulse decision. I found it on Saturday with my mom and you get us two together and it's like, we're gonna buy something.

Yeah.

And also update on my no spend. I am doing a no spend on clothing and accessories for this month and I took my family shopping Friday afternoon after work and we went to Anthro and Madewell and all these different stores. Didn't buy a thing. Didn't buy a thing. Didn't try anything on. I was like, you know what? We're here to support our people. We're not here for us.

What a selfless act. I know.

I was like, I am a champion. And so anyways, all that to say, my mom and I found this really cool TV entertainment center. Then I took Matthew back to the furniture store yesterday, made a decision, got it. Like, I'm excited. And now I'm starting to dream about what I want to do with my office— painting, wallpaper, building like an audiovisual studio in here. Just really excited about like doing that and taking action. So, um, that was what my weekend was, and I feel like it's teeing me up perfectly for this conversation on like decision-making.

You gotta make decisions on your house, Alexis.

I know, Astrid. I know, I know. So what are you— what'd you say?

I said your weekend sounds so wholesome though.

It was. It was a wholesome, good time. It's finally feeling like fall here in Houston, so I got to wear a sweater vest. I was very excited about that. But if you're new to the pod, we always share what we're in between right now. And this is a weekly podcast, and it's so interesting because some weeks we're still in between the same things, and other weeks, like, it's completely different week over week. And I, I think this always helps Astrid and I take a pause and see what we're in between, just because normalizing that we're always in the middle of something in different areas of our life. So with that said, Astrid, what are you in between right now?

So much. Um, I am Do you have your in-between? Because I feel like I still—

Nah, girl, but I can, you know, I can talk.

No, I have you now. It's okay. I can go.

Okay.

I would say I am in between a really interesting relationship with my body in this particular month. And this feels hard to say out loud, but I think this is good for me to vocalize it. I just feel like the past couple of months, or really 3 months, have been extremely stressful. And I didn't realize how much water retention and stress, the stress, how much it was affecting my body. And when I finally started releasing a lot of that or learning, putting in place a lot of things to regulate my stress, my body shifted. the mindset didn't shift with it. And so I'm still nitpicking all the things.

Hmm.

And so I guess I am realizing sometimes, or in this season, how much energy it's taking out of me to focus on that so much, yet also acknowledging that I want to be healthier and it's okay to want to have more movement and want more things. And it's hard to want that when also my schedule's very strapped for time and I'm craving more movement, I'm craving being challenged, and then I'm not able to. And so, yeah, so I am in between just being really nice to myself, learning to navigate that, learning to accept myself, and also not use that as an excuse to not put in all the effort that I deserve to have to feel better, to be healthier, Even when I'm on the go. So, you know, just your biannual or like your quarterly body image conversation on my end.

That's so hard, babe. Thank you for sharing that. I— it's interesting that you bring that up because I have been in an interesting place with my body as well, um, over the past month. And like getting back from Europe and just Like end of summer, just like, I don't know, being really in my head about things. And for you, what does compassion look like in this area? Hmm.

That's a really great question. Um, I think it looks like not holding myself back from experiences or from Doing certain things just because I might not look a certain way that I want to look. And once I caught myself getting to that point this past month where I was like, oh, maybe I shouldn't go because I'm going to be really bloated that week or whatever, I called myself out. I was like, what the heck, Astrid? Like, this is not who we are.

Mm-hmm.

And we are not going to let our brain get to that space. And so I think just pushing myself into the beliefs that I truly have, which is I deserve to live a full life no matter what I look like, what I have, or how I feel in my body. Those are just experiences that I deserve to have.

Yeah.

And I think it's just really hard to reconcile our beliefs and what we believe even for our friends and internalize it for ourselves and be like, yeah, okay, well, how do I And for me, it's taking action before even my emotions follow it, and the emotions will eventually follow it.

It's interesting, like, tying it back to the beliefs, because it's like we can be, we can be going along life and feeling like we're growing and we're, we're like, I don't know, we're trying to live life to the fullest, and we think that that old pattern of belief or that old pattern of thinking is gone. And then as soon as something happens, sometimes it'll put us back in that old pattern. Back there mentally. And like, we kind of lean into that old default thought process or that old belief. And so it's, it's a beautiful reminder that it's, it's an evolution of growth as well. And like, you then stopping that belief and saying, this is not who we are, and we don't believe this, and this is the new belief. But it's like that, that extra step, that extra like layer of effort and energy So yeah, thanks for sharing that. It's definitely an experience I think not just women feel, men too, like just feeling at home and comfortable in your body.

Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think for me, what I'm realizing is it's less about how I look and it's more about how I feel in my body. And I think the fact that I haven't been able to move my body as much as I wanted to It is almost like more of a trigger to be very self-conscious in my body. But if I feel good and healthy, even if I might not look how I want to, it's a little bit easier to snap out of it. So, you know, we're observing and we're learning. But what are you currently in between?

Ooh, I don't know why I'm always like, oh, good question. Let's see. Which— what do I want to pick up right now? I feel like I'm in between quite a different Quite a lot of different things. Okay, I'll be vulnerable. I feel like the last couple of weeks I have lost sight of who I am, and this doesn't happen as much as it used to. But I think that when I'm stressed and overwhelmed and managing a lot of different things. I overthink, I feel insecure. Because of that insecurity, I'm not using my voice in the way I want to, so I'm not speaking up in the way I want to. And so then decisions are made and then I resent the decision, but then it's because I didn't actually speak up about it. So it's like this interesting cycle of not believing in myself. And it's like I have self-confidence and self-esteem, but there's always this like corner of my mind that is like, you're— you'll never get there, you'll never achieve that thing, you'll never make that decision. And so I think that as a result, it has had me feeling just very doubtful, very mentally heavy. And I think what I'm coming back to is that This is a cycle and I am trying to learn how to break that cycle or shorten that cycle because it kind of comes back to my own beliefs where it's like my beliefs are combating each other where there's this strong sense of self and I believe in my vision, what I'm building, and I have clarity. And then there's this other belief that's like, yeah, but you'll never get there because of XYZ. And so they're kind of in— Conflict with each other, so I'm in between you know letting go and shedding that old mindset that's very scarcity doubt. You know, it is filled with a lot of uncertainty with this person I am now, and and just yeah trying to navigate life with like a healthier mindset. And not let those old negative beliefs win.

Thank you for sharing that. I feel like that is one of the hardest things to do is when we, in our minds, we take on a new belief and you're like, I want my life to have that. But then in our heart or our experiences just lean naturally towards a belief And being able to reconcile those two and bring that together is really hard. And so I'm curious if, I guess, what is one thing in this season that you feel like is helping you to shed one belief and allow you to hold on to the other?

Yeah, that's a good question. I think there's an aspect of doing good work Cool. And so whether that's with my coaching clients or whether that's in my 9-to-5, performing still through the doubt actually is like, hey, I'm proving to myself that I do good work, or keeping promises to myself and keeping up with my routine. That is a reminder of like, but this is who you are now. And this is who you are becoming. And so I think between like the keeping the promises and the habits, and then also like still showing up and doing my absolute best in my career and in my work, my business, I think those are things that I will use as reminders of like, okay, yeah, I'm like reminding myself of who I am and I don't feel lost. I think it's more of just, I think when you lean into patterns of doubt, you kind of forget all of the evidence that you've built of like, no, but like, look at the life we're building and look at the decision we made there and how we like, you know, exemplified our character here. And we just forget that. It's like all of that just literally goes— you have amnesia.

Yeah.

And you just focus on all of the bad things. So I'm working on that right now and just really leaning into this because I think It's one of my missions that if I can learn how to manage this, I really do feel like I would be unstoppable. But it is, it's my cycle that I get into, and I need to take accountability for that and learn how to move forward instead of letting this cycle set me back or like put me back at zero, which is sometimes—

Hmm, that's so good. I feel like putting those habits in place and those actions in place, even when our heart just quite isn't there yet, can be such a powerful way to move forward. And honestly, that's a perfect segue into our topic today of decision-making, because there's times where we have to make certain decisions that benefit us in the long term, but our heart doesn't want that in that moment. Or we're like, okay, this is— what I ultimately want and my heart feels I'm scared. I don't know if this is the right decision or not. And that's the thing. It's like a lot of times we have tools to make the best decision. And for the most part, it's never a 100%, this is the right decision, because there's so many different ways we can live our life.

Yeah.

And so being able to bring that into the decision-making process, the emotional part of it, of What are those habits and those things that are going to support you as you navigate the emotional change of making a decision moving forward as well?

Yeah, so well put. So well put, my friend. So when it comes to decisions, I broke out 4, like, filters or criteria that help me make decisions. Do you want to start with yours? Like, and we can ping pong back and forth.

Let's do it. We love ping ponging.

We love to bop. You go and then I'll go, and then you go and I'll go.

The fall of 2023, the In Between Pod girls ping ponged a lot.

We did, we did, and I like it.

Yes, yes. Um, so for me, um, I was thinking about a specific thing that always helps me when making bigger decisions. And it's 5 or 10 years from now. Normally I gravitate towards the 5 years. Will I regret making this decision or will I regret not making this decision? And this could be as simple as, for example, I can be very strict with my budget and that can sometimes cause me to miss out on experiences. So, well, 5 years from now, Astrid, wish that she would have had that experience and maybe eased up on certain expenses? Or will she be glad that she didn't because she had this financial goal?

Or—

and this was actually the question that helped me, uh, or one of the questions that really helped me to go full-time is 5 years from now, if I'm still in the same role that I am and I didn't go full-time, will I regret it? And I instantly, like, my stomach dropped. And I was like, okay, this is the right decision for me because I don't want to be 32 years old, 33 years old and have this in my life. And so that to me has been helpful both in the easier or lighthearted decisions as well as other ones. And I feel like this is also something to apply to dating whenever you're scared of dating and putting yourself out there is like, okay, 5 years from now, would you have wished that you Put yourself out there more so that you were more comfortable and even closer to meeting the right person and figuring out what it is that you want.

Yeah, that's huge. It's like the picturing who you're becoming and will I look back on this moment and be proud or will I feel a sense of what if? Will I feel a sense of maybe regret or remorse? And so it's like kind of that gut check. I love that question.

Thank you. What about you?

My first one is urgency. So the question is, when do I need to make this decision? I think that I start with this because it helps form everything else that I'm going to share. If I need to make a quick decision, I need to feel like I have space and time What's pressuring me to make the decision? And if I don't need to actually make a decision, could I be procrastinating a long-term choice that I want to make, but I'm pushing it off?

Hmm.

And so it's a way for me to get clear on— I'm someone that can procrastinate, and I know that about myself. And so by starting with the timeline, like, what's the timeline of this decision? When do we need to make it? Can help me be accountable for what it is that I want to make. So like, whether it's an example of in your business, maybe you're wanting to launch a new product or launch a new service. Okay, is there an actual timeline on that? Because when there's not and you actually want to make a decision but you don't attach a time to it, it can be something that creeps into the next month and the next quarter and the next year. Or maybe it's in your relationship and you feel like something's off in your gut with your relationship and you feel like something isn't quite right and you want to make a decision on how to move forward. Okay. Well, is that something that you avoid? Is it something that you procrastinate because you're nervous about conflict or you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings? And so by giving yourself that date, Or like, hey, I want to make a decision in the next month. Okay, well, now I've got a whole month to think about this and to really like sit in it and process through it. But when you give yourself too much time, then I think we can overthink and we can overcomplicate things.

Hmm.

And so it's like about finding the right timeline for you where you're not pressuring yourself to make a decision that doesn't align. But you're also not giving yourself so much margin that you never end up making a decision.

Yes. Oh, that is so good because I feel like sometimes the sense of urgency isn't even placed by outside factors, but it's you. Like, there is such a discomfort that comes with making a decision and you're like, I just need to make this dang decision so that I can just take this pressure off. And so that can push us into urgency where you're like, I'm going to decide now. I'm going to decide next week. Actually, let's break up. Or let's do— I'm going to launch a new business and just do it without really thinking things through. And I can relate to that because at times I'm like, it is a little bit easier to avoid the pain by just making a decision and seeing what happens. But I agree. I feel like we can add so much more pressure to ourselves with that. But still adding a timeframe of like, okay, maybe it's a month from now, a quarter from now, Like, there's a lot going on right now, but this is where it falls into the timetable, um, can be a lot more digestible. So such a great tip.

Yeah, I think it can also help you figure out where to prioritize it, because if the urgency is actually low, then it becomes a low priority, and it's something that you can then push to the next quarter, like you said. But if it's like high priority and then you kind of want to make it not urgent, something's not aligning there. Like, it's really important, but we're not making a decision. Okay, what's at play and why are we not actually making a choice?

We just want to hire somebody else to make our decisions sometimes.

Yeah, can you tell me what to do? Yeah.

Yes. What's your next one? My next one is, what is this decision costing me? So it can be on your mental health. Like, is For example, for me, I had to implement, and I hired someone to help me clean the house every once, like once a month or twice a month, because I realized it was just not realistic for me to do my whole business and busy season and keep up with the house. And it was costing me not just like things that I could do in my house, but it was costing me precious time with my family, with my partner, with my friends. Because the time that I did have off, I spent it doing chores. And so it's cost, not just financial, but it's what's— is it costing you your mental health? Is there a friendship that you've been setting multiple boundaries with and then it's costing you your mental health and how you function in it? Is it costing you finances? So are you, you know, penny— like buying cheaper things, but a lot of it? Mm-hmm. Rather than just saving once and investing into one thing so that it doesn't break down and it's solid and it's there. And even in business too, like a lot of times it's hard to make that first hire or expand your team, but what is it costing you? And so if you can delegate those tasks that somebody else can do and only focus on the things that only you can do, then it's costing you your business growth and expanding on that as well.

Yeah, agreed. That's funny because that's my next one too.

What's it cost?

Yeah, um, I just called it investment. So what is the investment? What's the input? And then what will it cost? What's the output? Uh, so yeah, I think it's like looking at it through that frame helps you decide— it helps you decide how much you want to put in and like It also can help you decide how important it is, which can influence urgency as well. But like, for what's the investment? What is it a money investment? Like financially, is it a time investment? Is it an energy investment? And so if I make this choice, what what amount of energy do I need to put into making this happen? Is the is the sometimes. This is like what it'll cost me if I don't make the decision. Sometimes when we overthink a choice, we end up putting more energy into thinking about what to do than after you make the decision. There's like no energy at all. You're not thinking about, okay, like buying the TV entertainment center. We spent a lot of mental energy this weekend talking about if we should get it or not.

Yeah.

And then once we got it, I'm not even thinking about the TV entertainment center anymore. But it's like, should we get it? Should we not get it? Should we wait? Oh, we have been kind of wanting this for 6 months and we've been putting it off. We've been procrastinating finishing the house. So there's like this spiral effect into making decisions. And so I think what it costs me to not make that decision is it pushes me to say, okay, well, I guess the house still isn't a priority. When will the house be a priority? And then what it cost me to make the decision in terms of like the financial investment or the energy is making that decision with Matthew. This isn't an Alexis decision. This is a partnership decision. So when you're looking at investment, it can also help you decide, is this decision worth the investment? Is it not? Is it worth the time I want to put in to make it happen? And if I don't make it, what will it cost me? So yeah, we're like, yeah, I love that we're both like, so what does it cost and what do I need to put in?

Yes. Well, and the flip side of that, of like, like, cause I thought, talked about, we talked about the cost of it. But I think there's something so huge about the investment side of it as well in the positive term. Because I think the more that you grow in your career, in your relationships, you're maybe dating and then there's multiple people that are great people, it becomes harder to be like, what is this costing me? Well, obviously a toxic relationship is costing you a lot. But what is it costing you to date 3 great people? What is the investment? Now you get to decide what do you want to invest in your life? And I see this a lot in business where the more you grow, the more the opportunities are there. And that's where you get to decide what you're going to double down on. And it's really hard because you have to say no to things that you actually want to do and you love it. And the project sounds amazing, but it's not aligned with your goals. And so you have to just be like, I'm in a season of investing in this type of project. And these aren't bad choices. They're so great. And this is where I'm at. And so I think being really clear on what season you're in and what you're going all in on can help when even those other ones look so great. And that's where we really run into burnout is just taking all the good ones on.

That's a good point. I love that. Next one, you're up.

Next one. I like to think about the worst-case scenario. So for me, it is— that gives me peace because if I can solve the worst-case scenario when making a scary decision, then it's suddenly not as scary. But if I avoid solving the worst-case scenario prior to making that decision, it like lingers in the back of my head and it makes me feel like it might happen at any moment. So I feel more prepared. So for example, when I went full-time, I was like, worst case, no one hires me in the next year, but I already have these weddings booked. So this is my guaranteed income. So if not a single soul hires me, like say another pandemic happens, then this is the amount I would need to have in savings to survive another year with the guaranteed income. And so I was like, okay, that feels doable because then I have all this extra time Where worst case I can go wait tables if I need to, but I have my basic expenses covered by this. So yeah, so I feel like for me always thinking through the worst case scenario is just bringing the realism part into making hard decisions.

Oh, okay. I I don't necessarily disagree, but I feel like when You go to the worst-case scenario for people that overthink. So I feel like that helps maybe for your personality type, but I think whenever you're overthinking— so for me, this is me— if I live in the worst-case scenario, I find that it keeps me from making a decision. So how do you, how do you get out of like, okay, I've acknowledged the worst-case scenario, And now here's what I'm going to do about it. Basically, how do you not live in that, well, this could happen and this could happen? I think that sometimes that can cause you to spiral. So how do you hold yourself accountable to recognize that and know how you would handle it and then be able to move on and make a decision?

Does that make sense? Yeah, for sure. Maybe it's just a personal thing, but for me, I picture it as you have a high point. This is where you're making a decision. Your worst case scenario is your low point. You don't want to linger there. So how can you make your worst case a best case, right? So your worst case scenario, this is what could technically happen. How can you prepare yourself for that? So now it's a best case scenario and you're back up to baseline. So if your worst fear happens, you're fully prepared and you have the freedom to still keep going even higher on that level.

Okay, I like that. I like that visual too. That's really helpful. How do we make our lowest point our highest point?

Yes.

Um, okay, okay. I definitely need to probably put that into, into perspective more whenever I'm making decisions. My next one is ownership. So is this something I really want What or who may be influencing me. And so when I make a decision, I want to feel fully accountable for it. I want to feel like it's my decision and that I lay my head down at night and feel proud of whatever choice I made, and that it's something that wasn't influenced by outside sources. So I think this is— this speaks to like when you go to your mentor or your parent or your friend or your partner and you get their advice. Sometimes they'll nail it, and sometimes they will give you shit advice. And that's okay because that's just a part of life. Like, I'm sure that I've not given good advice in certain situations. Like, I think that's just a natural part of it because no one is as close to the decision and to the choice as you are. And so because of that, when you go out and you seek input You really need to be able to filter through that advice and make sure that you still feel a sense of ownership over the decision and not just making a choice because someone you love and respect told you that you should, or like, this is what you could do or should do. And so the other aspect of like, what might be influencing me, because we talked about the who, what is like, is society influencing you to make a decision like Say, get married, start a family. Is society telling you where you should be in your career? Or, oh, everyone's investing in real estate. I guess I should too. Is that actually something that you want or is it something that might be influencing you? And how can you lower the stakes and lower the pressure? Because if it's actually not something that you want, great. It's one less thing that you have to think about. But when you are able to take ownership over that and say, no, I'm making this decision because this is what I want and this is what I need to do for myself regardless of what anyone thinks or what's happening in society, I think that is like the most truest choice is when you can feel a sense of ownership over it.

Absolutely. That is such a great decision-making tip because a lot of times, at least for me, I feel like I quieted down my own voice and my own choice for a really long time because I just wanted to make the right choices. And so I shut that down. I'm like, all right, well, I guess I'm supposed to invest in real estate. I guess I'm supposed to— like, this is how you budget and this is how you do things. And all those tools are great and all, but if you can't decide for yourself what it is that you want, what it is that works for you, then that can be really hard if you haven't practiced that voice of what do you want. And also, I love this one because ownership also comes into to, if you do make a decision based off of somebody else's advice, it was still your decision to make.

Correct.

So we can tend to want to blame it on somebody else and be like, well, you told me I should have done this. You told me to go to this school. Like, what the heck?

You know?

But it is your decision. And taking that ownership, I think, also helps you to find what it is you actually want.

Because if you're gonna stand behind it, it better be something Yeah, I think it's, it's a big one, especially when you are someone that is open to other people's advice and like you have close friendships and people are speaking into your life about different topics. I think that another aspect of this is like protecting your decision. And so not defending it, but saying like, this is a decision that I made and I'm not really interested in digging into why I made it. Yeah, I think that's a really good point. Or, this is a decision that I made and I'd prefer if we didn't talk about what went into making this decision. It was really hard and I made it. And so I want to focus on moving forward, not focusing on the past, or whatever the situation is. And I think that's another piece of the ownership is when you do feel a sense of ownership over it, you can put boundaries around it, like healthy boundaries where you're not necessarily defensive, But then if you are getting a lot of input and people are like, I told you to do this, why didn't you do that? Or like, you know, you came to me and you asked for my advice and you did something else. It's like you don't owe anybody anything. And just making sure that you, um, really feel a sense of pride and a sense of ownership over whatever choices you make.

Absolutely. And choices are something that we get to do, and also they are not the end of everything. You can make a choice, and then if that's not what you thought you wanted, great. Now you can discard that out of the list, and you're like, okay, I definitely don't want that. I can move over there. And I think sometimes we're so paralyzed by choices because we want to make the right one, and sometimes making the wrong one is what will get you to the right one.

That is so true. Like, we can— we think, I made this choice and now I need to live with it. Have you heard that?

Yeah.

Like, I made this choice and now like I just have to live with it.

Okay.

Yes. Love the ownership. You're living with it. But you can also make a different choice. You can get a different job. You can start a different business. You can end relationships. You can move. Like, you always have choices to pivot. And so while we're talking about the process of making a decision, I think we can add so much pressure because we think it's forever. And some decisions are for forever, like they just are. Yeah. Um, but most things in life, actually, you can change. And so just feeling like you can, um, you know, adapt and, and pivot beyond a decision.

Yeah, I love that. Yeah, that's so good. Um, my last one is kind of a hybrid. I actually had it as 2 bullet points, but I'm going to share it as one, which is the difference between what are your immediate needs, because sometimes we have to do things that we don't want to, or maybe aren't your long-term goals, but you have to do it immediately. And then versus what are your long-term goals. So for example, maybe my long-term goal is to be forever an entrepreneur, but maybe my business isn't making enough money right now. Well, my immediate need is to cover my expenses. And so I might need to go waitress, or I might need to find a side hustle, another like side job that can supplement my expenses while I build my business, while I get to that long-term goal. I think sometimes we get so wrapped up into the hype of being like, whatever it is, whatever it is that you want to do. And then there's a very real like side of things, especially in the entrepreneurial world, where it's like, I'm just gonna go all in on the business. And if you don't have the finances to go all in, it's okay. Like, pick up a job. It's transactional. It's money. Do a good job. Come home. Build your business. So I think like, what are your immediate needs? Even when it comes to relationships, like, are you in a season to date? Or are you in a season to open up your heart? Maybe like, yes, you want a partner long-term, but maybe this is just not the season for that. Or maybe you, your immediate need is rest. Like, You want to make time for your family and you want to make time for the people that you love and you want to commit to a trip or doing something with people and perhaps you're exhausted. And so what are some of those decisions that you need to make to supplement your immediate needs that perhaps are still aligning with your long-term goals? And sometimes that's hard because they conflict with each other. So you have to choose, okay, what am I going to sacrifice now? And which one means more, or which one can I take on more to be able to get to where I want my life to be?

Yeah, that's huge. I'm so glad that you brought that up because like the needs versus wants really, and like what decisions do I need to make right now that help my— help me long term even if I don't want to do it? Um, that's huge because I think that We can feel a sense of self-judgment in that or like, oh, well, this isn't a failure, or I didn't fail. Because I think that's a piece of— you mentioned this earlier, wanting to make the right decision. And then when maybe we make a decision and it doesn't pan out the way we want, it can feel like a failure. And so I think there's a piece here of like, okay, when things turn out in a way that were unexpected, or like you said, The business isn't going as well, or the relationship isn't going as well. Like, what do we need to do to make it work so that we can still move forward and not sit in that mindset of like, this is a failure? I made the wrong decision. Well, the decision was made like that. You know, me six months ago made a decision, and we're in this right now. And I think when we kind of judge our past self, it can really. Make us, you know, feel like it was shame and we can feel guilty. And I don't think that's productive. Like, I think we can learn, but I think holding ourselves like so tightly of like, we made this wrong choice X amount of months or years ago. Okay, well, we're in this situation now and how do we want to move forward? And like living in that sense of growth instead of sometimes like a destructive reflection.

Absolutely. I feel like being able to— yes, we want to make the right decision, of course. And making those decisions is how you get to know yourself, is how you get to know what you want. Traveling to the wrong places makes you realize traveling to the right places that you do want. Moving to the wrong places makes you realize what you do want. Dating the wrong people makes you realize who you do want as a partner in life. Those are all a part of a journey. And I feel like instead of boxing things into bad decisions and good decisions, it's all just decisions that we make to build a life. And I think there's way too many people on the fence of making important decisions that can get them closer to their dream life. And unfortunately and sadly, they don't even get close to it because of that paralyzing fear of making the wrong decision.

Mm-hmm.

So if you're listening to this podcast and You may be feeling overwhelmed about making a decision, or you're just kind of in the limbo of that. I hope that this encourages you to just know that no decision is sometimes harder than just making a decision. And at the same time, we don't want to rush through everything. We want to make wise choices for our lives. And I think just honoring that you are doing the best that you can with the information that you have right now. And even if future you thinks back and is like, oh, I would have done that differently, future you will only get there by making this decision right now. So I hope it is more encouraging than anything. But did you have any other decision-making things on your list?

I just had one more, and I love everything that you said. The last one is kind of in line with what you just mentioned. It's alignment. So, does this decision or choice align with my values and the life I'm building?

Mm-hmm.

So, I think this goes back to when our intuition is failing us, when we're unsure on the investment, when we don't feel like we have ownership. Like, at the end of the day, does this decision actually align with our vision and what we want in life? And, I think if you don't know what you want in life and you're struggling with your life vision, it can be really difficult to make choices with conviction because you don't have clarity on what it is that you really want. And so then you end up making a lot of different decisions that maybe feel unconnected. They don't really feel in alignment, but you're just kind of going through the motions. If that is you, I've definitely been there. And I think if you are struggling to make decisions in general, it might be helpful to sit down and really start asking yourself some of those harder questions, those intentional questions of What do I want my career to look like? Describe it. What am I doing? What am I learning? How am I being challenged? What kind of money am I making? Okay. In my relationship, describe your partner. How do they make me feel? How do I make them feel? How do we communicate? What does adventure look like? What's our sex life look like? Okay. Friendships, family, going into these different categories, health, finances, spirituality, and really start to understand what it is that you want. And I think that when you do have that clarity, you can quickly decide, this is for me, this is not for me.

Yeah.

Like, this aligns, this does not align.

Yeah.

And, but it's difficult to do that when you struggle to know yourself. And again, have an incredible amount of empathy if you're in that place, because I've certainly been there. But I think that can really help you get clarity. And it's something that has helped me. Like, if I'm really struggling with a decision, I'm like, gosh, why am I struggling to make this decision? Like, what about this is so hard?

Yeah.

What about this is, you know, causing a lot of resistance? And go a bit deeper into that because usually it's connected to some lack of clarity or lack of vision that I have in this area of my life. And so then it's showing up in the way that I make choices.

Yeah, I love that you mentioned that because I think being able to get a clear vision of what you want for your life before things get emotional on specific decisions is huge because sometimes we can make decisions that just support our comfort zone because that's what we know and that's what feels intuitively right in the moment. Or supports like a pattern of behavior that we've had before. Maybe like in a relationship, like you find yourself choosing the same type of person. But if in a neutral state you're like, this is the kind of person I want to date next, this is the kind of person I want to be with next, then when you find yourself in those decision-making things and you find that repeated pattern, you can go back to the base of what you've created for your future. And so I think the emotions can sometimes cloud us from those decisions. And if you've had— we've all had rough things in life happen and traumatic things. And so sometimes decision-making is what brings up the biggest triggers of our lives. And so you're constantly doubting yourself. Is this right? Is this not? Is it me? Is it my trauma? Is it my triggers? All these questions. But if you can, like Alexis said, go back to this vision you created for your life, you have a reference point for that.

Yeah. I've loved this discussion.

Me too.

I'm learning so much from you, and I feel like even processing through some of the ways I make my own decisions, it's making me— it's holding me accountable because I do feel like the older I get, the less risk That I've been taking, and I feel like there feels like there's more to lose or, you know, there's more at stake the older you get. And also, your prefrontal cortex is fully developed, and so you like really do have this sense of survival instinct and wanting to take care of yourself. And I really feel like I have been slower to make decisions. I'll even do this. I'll either do this. Sorry. I'll either be incredibly impulsive, and this is in my finances, trips, adventure, or I'll be incredibly indecisive and slow and avoidant. And this is in like my career or long-term investments, things like that. And there's lots of little things in between that I feel like I'm good at, but I feel like now that I've gotten older, I feel these 2 different buckets.

Mm-hmm.

Where like things are starting to fall into. And I was talking to Matthew about this this weekend where I'm like, when did I stop being so clear on what it is that I was doing? You know? And like, when did I stop having the ability to take quick action? And this conversation is so timely for some of the things that are going on in my own life. And I'm really thankful to just Like, talk through it with you, I feel like I'm getting clarity on what I need to do.

Good. Honestly, same. I feel like, uh, going back to what do I envision that life to be, yeah, is something that I'm taking away from this conversation where perhaps what I had designed a few years ago is no longer what I want. And I feel like I've been holding on to an older vision of myself And I feel like that will help so much more with the decisions that I have to make in my life in the immediate future. And so just like every other podcast, I love the conversations we get to have, not just because of what people get to listen, but just being able to learn from each other. And I love hearing all your wisdom, and I feel like I get free Alexis coaching on here.

Well, thank you. I love these discussions. I love that we can go deep and If you are resonating with the podcast and want to leave us a review on your podcast platform, we would love that. This is this is like a labor of love. I feel like it's something that is just so connected to who we are and and what we want to put out into the world. And so we're really thankful that you're here listening. If you want to connect with us on our Instagram that is no longer hacked and we now have full access to, you can do that at inbetween. pod, or you can connect with me personally at Alexis Teichmiller, or you can connect with me at Astra Johanna Photo.

We will talk to you next time.