Reconnecting with Your Spirituality and Creating Spiritual Practices in Your Daily Life

Welcome to The In Between Podcast. I'm Astrid.

And I'm Alexis. And we're 2 best friends on a journey to living a fun, intentional life.

We know it's easier to share on a season of life once it's behind you, but what about when you're in the middle of the growth, confusion, and decision-making?

This lifestyle podcast is for the everyday gal who loves to travel, talk about business, relationships, fashion, and everything in between.

Hello friends, and welcome back Welcome back to another episode of The In Between Podcast. I am one of your co-hosts, Astrid.

And I'm the other half, Alexis.

And today we are wrapping up our month of wellness, um, with spirituality. So we talked about our physical health, we talked about our emotional health, we talked about our finances, and then we're just gonna go ahead and wrap it up with spirituality and talk basically about our full, full being this month.

Absolutely.

Kicking off the year.

Looking at the holistic view of health and wellness and your spiritual self, the part of you that connects to something larger than just you, larger than even just like your life, is a really powerful place to be. Whether, you know, regardless of whatever religion that you identify with or grew up with or where you even are right now, It's important to step back and look and reflect on where you are in your spirituality. So I'm excited about this topic, nervous about this topic. Um, but yeah, I'm looking forward to holding the space with you, Astrid, and I'm just gonna forget that anyone's listening.

No one is listening. No one's listening to this. Yeah, I think one thing I've loved about the podcast is we choose these topics that Within our friendship, we navigate and we discuss the hard ones and the really light ones. And then now we get to share that with everyone. And the whole premise of the podcast is being in between. Like, this is from the context of we don't have it figured out. This is from the context of we're navigating the wellness, like, different aspects of our wellness journey together. And yeah, this is just an honest account of where we're at, where we're headed, what's worked for us, what hasn't. And yeah, I'm so excited for this chat, but before we get started with it, let's do our in-between. So if you are new around here, every episode we share what season of life we're in between or what things we find ourselves in between. And so do you want to go ahead and kick things off?

Sure. I am in another in-between season around spending. I feel like I found our last episode, very, yeah, last episode last week, very convicting around finances. And as much progress as I've made, I still find myself like, as I'm creating more content online, I'm also consuming content to know, okay, what's trending, like what audios are trending and like what, kind of staying on top of social trends. And I feel like you're just constantly consuming different clothes, new shoes, new styles. Like, oh, oh, I love this gym, you know, fitness brand. And New Balance is back. And so I'm like, do I need a pair of New Balance sneakers?

Yes.

Like, it's just one thing after another and I'm really feeling it. And I'm also on the side of TikTok that's like focusing on investing and focusing on like not overspending this year because of potentially a recession or potentially a market crash. So Matthew and I have really been looking at like, where are we battening down the hatches? So I'm actually doing another no-spend month, but it's going to be 2 months.

Oh my gosh. Okay.

I'm going to do February and March. I think I'm doing February for sure. And then I kind of had the conviction. I was like, let's do another one. Like, let's see if we can literally do February and March focusing on not spending on clothes, accessories, or skincare. Like those are areas that I spend a lot of like my discretionary income in. And I really want to reel that back. We're going to Paris at the end of April, like the first week of May. So there's a part of me that's like, okay, I'd rather be saving money intentionally for that trip.

Yeah.

And just be like everything I would spend on clothes and accessories and like new trendy things. I would rather put towards an experience with my girlfriends. So that's like the goal I have. And so that's like something I'm in between is reckoning just how quickly it is to get back into a cycle of consumerism after you're like, oh, I've been doing so good. Like I haven't been spending. I haven't been like trying to keep up with trends or overbuying things on Amazon, wherever. 2 months later, I'm like, I'm back.

Hi. Hello. It's me.

I'm the problem. It's me. I am ready for another no spend. And even Matthew and I are thinking, like, rethinking date nights of how we can do maybe, because we do date nights out every single Wednesday night. So we've been thinking, okay, how can we take 2 of those dates and make them inside? Like we stay in, we have game nights, we cook together and do more at home experiences just Yeah, that's a great idea.

It's funny that you mentioned that because I felt the exact same way after our episode last week. I was like, you know what, some of these things I haven't checked in on in a while. And then I updated my budget for the month and some things you just can't help, but I spent like almost $900 on healthcare between my chiro appointments and my health insurance.

Yeah.

And so it's one of those things where like, because I hadn't tracked it so closely, much earlier in the month that threw my whole budget around. And so I'm good now, but it's like, okay, something has to give, right? Like we don't want to be over budget. So now I got from other categories and threw it in there, but I feel you. I'm glad that we kind of had that checkpoint together and with all of our community.

We were both convicted. We were like, okay, because I think, and that's why I love the pod. That's why I love you is like. We're transparent in the fact that we are always a work in progress and we are always growing and evolving, never from a place of perfection, but from a place of progress. And like, I know I am, you know, several steps ahead of where I was 6 months ago, but now I'm looking at where I am now. What are my goals now? And then let's reevaluate.

Yes. You can't live from where you were at if you're at this new level now.

Exactly.

Yes. Yes. So good. So good. What about you?

What are you in between right now? Ooh.

Um, well, so this coming week I leave to Fort Myers for a wedding and then I'll be back on Sunday. And 2 days after that I leave for Dallas. And so for those of you that might not know, I'm gonna be in Dallas most of February and I'm very excited for the experience. I'm very excited for the work that I have there. And I know that exposing myself to certain experiences is kind of what sparks the next move for me usually. And so I guess I'm a little in that anticipation mode where I'm like, what's going to happen? I just have a feeling. I just have a thing that it's like either I'm going to come back with a new idea or I don't know, maybe it's just a new habit that I want to incorporate into my everyday life. I don't know what that looks like, but usually trips like this, and I've never done one this extended, just really refocus me on my overall life journey of like, okay, what do I really want? Where do I really want to live? What do I really want to do? So I guess I'm in between embracing the experience and letting go of like, okay, whatever comes up, I don't have to make a decision right away. It could be a year down the road. It could be months down the road. I could just explore it in different ways. But yeah, I don't want it to cloud my experience, but I just know myself. So that's kind of where I'm at. I'm super stoked, super excited, and yeah, and just kind of ready to see what that brings.

Yeah. I'm proud of you for recognizing like almost the tendency to close yourself off from it because you're like, I don't want anything to change. Like life is good right now. The relationship is good. The business is good. Like, yeah, there's a sense of safety, a sense of comfort. And I'm proud of you for staying committed to being curious.

Thank you.

And like giving yourself permission to know that you don't have to make a decision with whatever curiosities come your way. You can stay in that lane of like, I'm curious about that, but I don't have to make a decision right now, and I don't want to push myself to make a decision. That is like the ultimate gift of like self-learning and self-love, is like respecting the space that you want to give yourself to grow while also not trying to stretch yourself so far all at once.

Yeah.

Like come back and have to make a whole like life-changing decision. So I'm excited for what comes for you. Thank you.

Thank you.

And hopefully I get to be closer to you.

Yes. I'm so excited that you're going to visit. You guys from the pod are going to get some content from both of us. I know.

I can't wait to get to spend time with you, Nicole.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I think just taking a second that if there's anyone out there that you've been pulled to some kind of experience or picking up a hobby again or anything like that, Just start. For me, going to Dallas is something that for 6 months I was toying around with. And finally I'm like, okay, we're going to do this. And what was holding me back was, what will it show me? That fear of what will it show me was holding me back from making that decision. So just embrace the experience, put yourself out there. And yeah, who knows? Maybe I'll hate it. Maybe I'll come back and be like, it sucks out there.

Maybe.

Yeah.

Being open to disliking it. Yeah, yeah.

So we will see.

That's exciting though. I, I've been really craving— like, I'm glad that we're here all of January, um, but we're going— like, I'm coming to see you, um, in February in Dallas, and then I'm going to Mexico for a week for my company offsite. And then Matthew and I are doing like a small weekend after the offsite just staying in Mexico, and I'm really looking forward to being on a trip again. Like, I, and then we have Paris. Like, I'm just, I'm at that stage where I really have learned that travel and trips like are very fueling to me. Like they almost feel like a goal. Um, so I am like, okay, what are our goals this year? What trips are we working towards? And then, you know, like on the budget side, what are we going to do to actually save for them instead of spending out of pocket?

Yes, exactly. Well, even like with Paris, I was like, yeah, let's go to Paris. And then now I'm like, um, okay, maybe I need to take on a few extra projects just to like cover that and be more intentional rather than just, you know.

Yeah, I know. That was one thing that I'm glad the girlfriends that are going with us are like, okay, what's the budget? Like, what are we, what are we thinking here? And it forced me to like do research and start mapping out pricing. And I was like, okay, I think if we budgeted this, everyone's going to have a good time, but they're also not going to feel like too financially uncomfortable or financially stressed. And I was proud of myself because I don't always do that.

Yeah, so we're a bad combo when we travel. You and me?

Yeah, girls. And also me and my girl Jess. Like, when her— when her and I get together, we're just boozy— not boozy, bougie. Not boozy. I brought it everywhere. Also, not drinking this month has been so good. Like, doing Dry January, and I think I want to continue Like for a while. So nice.

We'll see. But yeah, that's amazing.

Continuations.

We love the wellness era. We do.

I think I'm definitely in the, in the wellness era. But anyways, let's talk about spirituality. Yes.

Um, okay, well, to wrap up our January series, um, we're gonna go ahead and talk about our spiritual journeys just very briefly. And really, within the context of this episode, we're more diving into What are some spiritual practices or things that we do every day that help support our spirituality? Perhaps some things that just haven't worked for us, and then maybe things that we've heard about that we're curious to try, um, that we're embracing. And yeah, you ready to dive on in?

Yeah, let's do it. Would you like to kick us off?

Yeah. So I think for me, whenever it comes to spirituality, And when it comes to my wellness journey— okay, also for a second I forget that we're on video, so here I am stretching my back as I'm thinking. This will be a good blooper video.

Absolutely.

Whenever it comes to my spirituality, I'm very grateful that whenever I was growing up, I had spiritual leaders that really challenged me to think outside of the context of the church and just think about What is my specific relationship to God? And so whenever you peel everything away, it's just you and God. And so whenever I moved to the Midwest, I was really able to dive into that because there was so many changes going on in my life. And that's really when I started being rawfully honest with God. I started like really learning how to embrace a spirituality that isn't perfect, that God wants you to share those vulnerable feelings and all of that aspect of things. And honestly, for me, I've just experienced so many supernatural moments in my relationship with God that haven't had to do in the context of like a church or anything like that, that I'm just grateful for it. And I feel so confident in the, like, what's going to happen in my life a year from now or 2 years from now or 5 years from now. It's like there's proof in my past that tells me that God will show me the way, that here's the truth, that here's the people we will put in your path, that the friendships that I'm going to put in your path, that it's all going to work out in this divine timing. And truly, it's been divine timing in my life. And so, yeah, so I guess whenever I look back, even though there's been so many ups and downs, I just see this journey of divine timing and God consistently showing up that helps me build my trust in him, even though a lot of times the trust in people has gone away. And so for me, just every day spending time, or most days trying to spend time journaling, meditating, just really taking a second to be honest about where I'm at and praying about my life has been very helpful.

So I have a follow-up question. It sounds like your journey hasn't been jaded. And it like, have there been jaded seasons or times where it's been like more difficult to feel that gratitude and like see all the ways that for you God has connected these dots in your life?

100%. I think there's been times in my life where things just feel so unfair. And it's like, why am I paying the cost of like somebody else's actions? And like, if you're supernatural, then like, why aren't they getting, you know, that portion of not the wrath, but like, they seem like they're fine off doing whatever the heck they want. And I'm here trying to put in the work and then it's not working out. And so like, there's definitely that frustration. But I think at the end of the day, whenever it comes to both our emotional life and our spiritual life, is recognizing that while in that moment it might seem so, and it is unfair, they're going to have their own journey and people around us are going to have their own journey of coming face to face with the decisions that they've made, with the gossip. There's times where I've been around people and they're gossiping about a million people and it's just not aligned with my values. And so whenever we can kind of have tunnel vision and be like, okay, It's going to be jaded out there. It's going to be messy. And I have my own relationship with God. And what do I want to craft and create that into? And to me, it's almost like dating. Dating is hard. Dating is— it takes sometimes years to find the right person because you keep trying and you're like, oh, those values don't align with me. And those values don't align with me. red flag and all these different things until you finally, when you find your person, you find your person and then you're still crafting like that journey, right? So, so yeah, so I don't think that it's always just been like, I think there can be an and statement when it comes to it. Like, I can feel hurt and, and feel all these things about the people around me. And at the same time, when I experienced that, I was simultaneously experiencing supernatural moments of God showing up, God showing me the truth. I didn't even have to look for stuff. It just happened. And so for me, it was like this confirmation of like, I'm right next to you. Don't worry about it. You're actually not alone. And so, yeah. So it's just like this very hard and statement of spirituality.

Yeah, for sure. As you were talking, I was thinking about how like binary religion can be. It can be very like, it's yes or no, it's this or that. You have 2 choices, the right way or the wrong way. And I think that when you're young and you're learning a lot of that, it can really shape your views and it can shape your decisions in really positive ways and sometimes in really negative ways that have difficult consequences. For you and the people around you. So it can— then when you're an adult and you start to, okay, is it really this or that? Are there other options here? Like, is it so, um, yes or no, right and wrong? Um, like, is there a gray area? And I think that's a bit of, of what I've been experiencing. I grew up in a Christian household. I went to church camp from the ages of 5 up until college and then became a faculty member during church camp summers and just had really amazing experiences as a kid being in Vacation Bible School. And, you know, I'm thankful that my parents chose to raise me with Christian values, values of empathy, kindness, serving, and being really like looking outside of yourself to seeing like, who needs my help? And how can I like step in for someone? And, I see that show up all the time in my daily life.

Yeah.

Like, I still see those values, those Christian values that I grew up with, like they still play a role in my life. So I guess that's still like a tie to some of my own spirituality. And I think that pretty much since 2020, I can count on one hand how many times I've been to church. And over the past 3 years, 2 and a half, 3 years of watching how people that believe in God and you know, whatever religion it is, how they and how like the church and as, as a whole has navigated the pain of other people has been really disappointing. And I think that growing up in the church, finding community with other Christians, finding community with the church, and then starting to see a lot of these Christian values not lived out, it was really, it was like shell-shocking to me.

Yeah.

Like, and I'm in my late 20s, like, you know, feeling very established. Like, we had a Christian wedding. I was in small group all 5 years of being in Nashville. Like, I was established in my faith outside of my family unit. And I think that there was just this breaking point of I don't align with this Christian community anymore.

Mm-hmm.

And for me, what was a result of that was just shy, like just turning away from all of it and being very closed off to it. I'm always happy to talk about it, talk about my journey of kind of deconstructing what my faith has looked like, but a part of deconstructing is deciding, do I want to rebuild? Like, we've dismantled this. Now where's our foundation? And are we getting the supplies back together? Like, are we going to start rebuilding what this looks like in our life? And I think that is honestly the biggest in-between of my life.

Mm-hmm.

It's the most soft and raw and vulnerable. And I've avoided it. For a long time. So yeah, that's where I'm at right now.

Yeah. Thank you for being so honest because I think so many of us can relate to that, especially when it comes to leaving. If you grew up in a religious home and then you go off to be on your own, what do I believe? And I actually think that's a beautiful place to be because it's like now you get to decide, what do I want my spirituality to look like? Who is Jesus? Who is God? If that's the religion that you choose and explore that. And that's exactly like when you act— like when you read the Bible, that's what God wants, right? And I'm right there with you because I experience a lot of that too between 2020 and now, where I haven't been back to a community church community in a while. I've done church online quite a bit, but to me it's like I, I see double standards of The values that I see in the Bible aren't always portrayed in person. And I think for me, it's just honestly, I haven't found the right church, and that's okay. And I have just chosen— I've realized intentionality is a huge value of mine, and I would prefer to step away than just check a box and be like, oh yeah, well, I go every Sunday. But pursuing spirituality every day has been huge for me. And I, It's crazy because whenever I went in my darkest season of life, it was right when 2020 happened, right when COVID happened. Everything shut down. And I needed that in my spirituality. I needed someone to tell me to not go to church and to dive deep into my Bible by myself in my house to figure out all of these hard things of life and re-question everything. And I did this fast and I God truly showed up in my house and showed me exactly what I needed to do next and showed me Bible verses and showed me what I needed. And I think that's kind of where God wanted me. He didn't want me to seek the answers from other people. He wanted first for that relationship between Him and me to be solid to where whatever anybody said, that couldn't have been challenged, you know.

Yeah.

So my thing with like whenever it comes to spirituality, and I relate so much to what you were sharing, is the God that I know stands up for people. The God that I know defends. The God that I know doesn't allow abuse. The God that I know is all these wonderful values that I very much hold close to my heart.

Yeah.

And so I went through—

The God I know isn't racist. And like, I think that's a big thing that I really struggled with was just like the insensitivity, the lack of empathy, the lack of trying to like seek understanding and trying to— I think like I am so justice-oriented that I, and I held the church community to such a high standard, which I realized was a mistake. Because we are all imperfect, right? So I was setting myself up for a very like a losing game. Okay, like I knew I was never gonna like that. That wasn't even fair of me to put such high standards on imperfect people. And at the same time, when you're in community with Christians, like you're supposed to hold each other to that standard because that's the community that you're in and that's a part of like the The Bible that I grew up with. And I just was so pissed. And I was like, you know what? This is so performative. This is bullcrap. I'm out. And I think it's like coming from such an all-in place to like— I guess I haven't opened myself up to even like exploring a relationship with God again. Because I know all the semantics that comes with that, or at least I think I'm trying to recreate what that looks like.

Mm-hmm.

Like, I and Matthew and I have talked a lot about this because my journey has impacted his journey, and like me not wanting to go to church has impacted like him going or not going to church. Right? Because that's something that you do as a couple. Or you don't have to do that as a couple, but that's something that, you know, we both— we met at church when we were 14. Like, that's a part of our story. And I'm always— I ask him probably once a month, I'm like, is my journey negatively impacting you? Like, that's the last thing that I want is to take anything away from your spirituality. And he always is like, no. Like, I'm solid. Like, I know I'm like, I respect where you are, but I'm good. And that is comforting. But I'm also, you know, I then question, do I even believe? Is this something I even believe anymore?

Yeah.

And that's a very like tender question to especially say on a podcast. But like, That is where I am right now. And last weekend I was doing the dishes and Matthew's upstairs and I was, I had this playlist on Spotify that was like Sunday, Sunday, like good vibes, right? And freaking Lauren Daigle comes on. Okay. And I'm just like, God's like, literally just knocking.

Absolutely.

sobbed in my kitchen. And I was like, okay, so there's like, you know, there's something there. It's just, it's buried right now.

Yeah.

So I thought that was like actually a nice experience because it, it like cracked something a little bit. Or I'm like, okay, there's still, there's still something here.

Um, yeah. So yeah. And that's a, that's a beautiful part of spirituality too, is like God knew where you're at. God knows the things that have broken your heart and like where you've been and what has happened. And unfortunately, I wish I could sit here and be like, we're never gonna be jaded again, you know? And like nothing's like— we're gonna find like the perfect church and then it's— they're never gonna hurt us again. But, but the point is it's gonna happen and we're responsible for our own spiritual journey. And it's— and I think that's for For me, what's been— I'm also in the deconstructing and reconstructing part of it where now I'm learning to let go of some of those pressures and also just forgive and know this is going to happen. Because also at one point I was that judgmental person before going through hell and back. I was on that side. And if it wasn't for the experience that I had, I would maybe still be that person. And so everyone's kind of on their own journey, right? But how beautiful that like we can strip away from everything. I think that's truly what the type of spirituality that God wants to have with us is, like those moments in the kitchen when the song plays, that morning when everything's just like quiet, that open the Bible to a random spot is just exactly what you needed to hear. You're walking and you like feel it. And so I think for me that was—

Yeah.

a journey that started again since quarantine to now where it's like, okay, I want to step into that. Even like as simple as prepping for shoots. Like the God I know, sometimes we box God into this like structured, like serious person. And actually, like all good things come from him is what the Bible says. So fun, joy, creativity, enjoying the world. Like there's so many things he created, like literally for only the purpose of us enjoying it. There's no action for it. And so whenever I go to create for shoots, I notice a huge difference when I pray beforehand and I tap into that spirituality and that creativity to when I don't.

Yeah.

And I haven't gone to church in a while. And I'm not saying that that's the right thing or not. I'm just saying that's my journey. That's our in-between. This is our very real accounts of life.

Yeah.

And I have a lot of friends who have gone and been through the point where they're like, I don't know if I believe anymore. And those have been the most powerful moments in their journey and has been in my journey. Because you're like, okay, now I get to actually make a decision all over again of why I believe, why I don't. What do I like? Let me just like open the Bible and just like 101 be like, okay, why? And then ask questions. And I think like whenever it comes to spirituality, no matter what, religion or practice you choose, I invite you to like ask questions and be like, where does it come from? Why is it there? Why is this in place? Why is this good? Like truly fully dive into it rather than practicing something because it's just what you've always believed or practicing something because that's what like our families have passed on to us.

Right. I think it's also Something I'm learning is I have been on a journey of facing myself over the past 2 years and looking at a lot of my tendencies, my coping mechanisms, like things that are crutches to me. And it's like I can look and be so straightforward with myself and be very like, okay, I see you, I see what you're doing. Let's make a plan. And I feel like this is the one area of my life that I don't want to do it because I know it's going to be hard. I know it's going to take a lot of work and a lot of energy. And that's the narrative I'm choosing. I realize that that's the story I'm telling myself is that it's just going to be like, I don't know. I feel like I've gone through so many growth experiences. Went back to therapy, did a lot of healing with my family, a lot. And I was just in such an emotionally frail place. And I feel like I'm strong again. And I know that going down this path towards exploring my spirituality, I am like, I just feel like I'm just going to be back in such a tender time. And I think a narrative I'm choosing is like, I don't have time for that right now. I know it's important. It pops up, right? It's not something that's just off in the distance. It's in my peripheral. But I think I'm— At the beginning of the year, I was like, okay, Matt, I got a church picked out. Read the website. It looks okay. I'm thinking maybe we should go. Sunday rolls around. Do we? You know, I, um, I don't think I'm ready. I, I don't, I don't think, you know, I got stuff I want to do today and I just feel like I'm going to get home and I'm just going to feel absolutely emotionally wrecked from putting myself back in a circumstance that's very triggering to me. Emotionally, and I don't have time for that today. So let's go next Sunday. Well, three Sundays have gone by now in the month of January, and we haven't gone. And it's like I am learning how I can justify pretty much any reason for anything. One of my sales skills. But yeah, I just keep justifying a reason to avoid it. And I'm like calling attention to that. And I think saying it out loud feels good.

Yeah.

But yeah. And I don't think that I like, it's not, you have to go to church. I think it's an important step for my journey to step back into that space. Um, so yeah, it's been, uh, it's been uncomfortable. It's been awkward. Um, You know, my family has really respected this place that I'm in, which has been really nice. Like, I think that there were questions and misunderstandings in the beginning, but I think to have my family approach it with a level of softness towards me has actually felt very comforting. And that was unexpected because I think you're always the most scared. of your family unit.

Yes.

You know, disowning you, which like that's not gonna happen. My family wouldn't do that. But it's like, it's the fear of judgment. It's the fear of, you know, disconnect. You know, there was this bond that we had. And I even think back to like some of my close friendships, like that was our bond. And now that I am on this journey, it's like, okay, our bond isn't— is it not as strong? Like this is a difficult topic. Like are we not as close because I don't feel the way you feel? Because I don't believe the way you believe. And when eighty percent of the friendships and relationships you have in your life were bonded from like the Christian community, you can then start to isolate as well.

Yeah. So yeah, I think too, as you are talking. I think there's an aspect as well that I'm reflecting on, on what we have been taught or perhaps what we assume spirituality should look like. And I think our relationships with God are so individual. And so whenever somebody's relationship with God perhaps looks so different than how we would do it, then we can tend to kind of look at it like, Oh well, no, they're not like on the right track. Or if my relationship with God looks different than and somebody else's, and I'm like, am am I doing this wrong? Am I not? And I think like just being able to to realize like we are so uniquely made, and there's gonna be so many times. Actually, I think a healthy spiritual journey requires a lot of do I believe this? Do I not? Multiple times over and over and over in life because. You're in your 20s, you're navigating certain things, you question certain things. Then perhaps you get married, and then now you question certain things. Perhaps you have a family, now you question certain things. Then your kids have kids, and then now you're questioning a whole other layer of things. Or even looking at poverty, looking at finances, looking at government, you start to question so many things. And I think a lot of times we've been taught that that's bad, but I think that's exactly what we need and exactly the catalyst that God wants us to pursue to get answers. Because now you've got a question, you've got your seeking, you're reading, you're reaching out to people, and then you're getting clarity in your own spiritual journey. And so I think it's more approaching spirituality from this curiosity mindset—

Yeah.

Than like, what have I been taught? And I guess that's where I'm at right now too. I think I'm getting ready to go back to community. But truly, for the past 3 years, I wasn't in an emotional state to step into a church yet because of things that happened. And so the few times that I went, I was literally shaking so badly. And so I wasn't even truly listening to the message. I wasn't connecting with people. I was shaking at my core. I was crying. And my therapist just told me, Hey, you don't have to do it all at once, babe. You don't have to heal through all of this at once. You focus on healing your spiritual journey first at home. Then yes, step back into it. That's so important. But you don't have to— it doesn't all have to be all at once. And so that has been very freeing for me. And I also recognize, okay, now I've been lingering a little too long in this. I am in a healthy spot now to— go back. But now I'm navigating the questions of, well, what do I want in a church? What values do I align with? What's the type of community that I want to be surrounded by? What are my non-negotiables? Like, if I see this in a church, like, that's not for me. And while it is exhausting, at the same time, I feel like my spirituality has been what has saved me at my lowest, what has helped me to go forward in, like, life. And I have just— I wouldn't be here without it, so I want to continue in that. But yeah, I just feel like there's so many boxes around it, and that's exactly what Jesus didn't want, honestly.

Yeah, I appreciate that, the, um, like taking steps and recognizing, like, as you were talking about being back in church for the first time I remember, I'm not going to go into specifics, but I remember being at church in the last couple years and I, this is me reckoning with myself. I remember sitting there with such a stern look on my face and being like, what are you going to teach me? You going to crack open my heart? You going to make me believe again? It's like that kind of anger. Right? I realized that being in the church in that mental state was really unhealthy. Like I probably should not have even been there. I shouldn't have said yes. But now it's like I don't have that anger, vengeance, vindictive energy towards it anymore. I do feel like I am shifting into that like curiosity, like openly seeking. But in, in my own way, in my own frustration, my own anger, I was being judgmental, right? Like, I was upset about the judgment of the church. I'm back in church judging everyone in church. So like, how does that make me any— you know, it's like you're holding people to a standard that you won't hold yourself to.

Yes.

And so I think that that has been another layer to this for me. is like, okay, there's some healing for me to do, right? Like, there, there are some, some tendencies that I have to face that I can't just expect everyone in here to be squeaky, squeaky clean perfection. And I'm not, right?

Yeah.

But it's like when you're coming from that deficit mentally, you're like, okay, you all have something to prove to me. Better prove it today. And like, what a what a terrible task to put anyone up to because they're never going to win. They don't know what's going on. They have no idea where you're coming from. And so, if you're listening and you resonate to my story, I see you. It's hard. I would invite you to look at the areas of your own tenderness. And see how you can have empathy for yourself and have empathy for other people who are doing what they think is best with their lives. And as like if you decide to explore your journey or you decide to keep that faucet off, like it's it's really your decision and it's a hard one. And, I feel like my door has been closed and I'm like, meh, and locked. And, I'm like, okay, maybe we could have a screen door or a storm door with a window.

Yeah.

So, just slowly progress and slowly exploring what that individual relationship looks like for you with God and your own spirituality. I think something that I am learning too is looking at reconnecting with the original life beyond me. And, I think when we get so self-centered in our own journey, it's difficult for us to see what's happening outside. And, I think it's been difficult for me to make progress in my life because I'm like, well, why am I even here? Yeah. Well, I knew the answer to that when I believed. And I think when I have been struggling with this the last couple of years, my purpose and my vision has been difficult to see because I don't feel that connection of like, okay, God, this is why I'm here. This is the steps you have for me. Let's go. Now I'm like, okay, Alexis, these are the steps we have for us. It's very me with me. And that's something that has kind of been bringing me back to center as well, is recognizing that that's not really been very helpful.

Yeah. Yeah. I think too, another aspect of spiritual wellness, and it's what you were alluding to right now, is there is the God factor of spirituality, and then there's the things that God empowers us to do in our own journey. And so, as I have navigated healing and therapy. I think sometimes spirituality can tend to be— people separate it. They're like, okay, mental health. If you took care of your spirituality, the mental health issues wouldn't be here. And that's not true.

Oh, girl.

And that's not true. And so I think a lot of times, actually, in my journey at least, God has brought so much healing through the practical things of therapy, through I think it's all about just getting to know, like, okay, I believe that God created me and I'm a Christian. And so if so, then there are certain ways our brain works. There are certain ways that our bodies work. And so the way that we respond to trauma and to stressors and everything is very real and it's how God created us. And so I think a lot of times, or at least in my past journey, that wasn't acknowledged. And so for me, like, as a Christian, being empowered and learning how my brain works, how trauma works in our bodies, how I need to take responsibility for the things that have happened to me so that I don't end up doing that to others is a huge role in that. And I think for me, like, God has just placed the right people in my path so that I learn that. And so whenever it comes to spiritual wellness, like, on a daily practice, I recognize that if I don't put in the work to be honest with myself, to journal, to speak my truth, to pray, to— and when I pray, being like, okay, I feel this way. I am triggered. This is why. God, show me what I need to do next. Why am I triggered here? And God literally provides clarity for me so quickly whenever I'm navigating those things. But it's those practical items that sometimes aren't taught. within the church. And that's also like an— not an easy, but like a way that you can talk to God throughout the day. Like, it doesn't— I think he would prefer we infuse him into our everyday lives than, if he had to choose, than just like the Sunday checkbox thing, right? So yeah, so I guess like for my journey, that has been really helpful, and I wanted to share that, that being able to connect in the morning, connect and ask. I think sometimes God wants to be challenged, be like, okay, I need answers on this, please show me. Or like, I need— I'm not okay with this, I'm mad about this, I'm not okay with that. And then like God will show up. But like in the Bible it says God is respectful. So if you don't want Him to step in, He's not going to. But if you invite Him into that space, then He will. And so I think that my biggest I guess thing that I would like to share is go ahead and explore that on your own. Peel away from all the things that we've learned, that we've been taught, and explore your own relationship with God or who you believe in. I believe in Jesus and God, and that's what I explore. And see where that takes you, see where that leads you. But no matter what you choose, it first has to come from within. For them to be able to step into a community of people that do that. And like you said, it's more of a greater being of like, okay, my soul is going to live forever. So where is that going to live? And what legacy am I leaving for my family as well? So yeah, it's in the everyday practice and I think just in the honest practice of spirituality.

I think that being honest, being transparent, Um, as, as a practitioner of faith and spirituality is really important. And I think that when you come from a background that like hides things or isn't honest, or they avoid facing like very real things that are affecting other people, um, toxic positivity— well, if you just pray about it, then you'll be fine— or like, if you just believed more. Then maybe you wouldn't be depressed. Like, there are really harmful things that we can say and do to each other. And I really appreciate your perspective on stripping all of that away. And even though those things are hurtful and really do do a lot of damage, it's still our responsibility to decide how we want to move forward with our spirituality. And like, how long will we hold the words of others to such a high, like, powerful thing that keeps us from accessing spirituality. So I've kind of been holding my spirituality hostage, um, and using, you know, stacking evidence against it. And it, it's like, okay, great, what's that solving? You know, like, so I think getting to a place where Stepping into that curiosity, stripping away a lot of the past and really focusing on the present is all that I can do. Because if I continue to live in the past and continue to use that as ammunition, then I'll never make progress in this area of my life. It's just never going to happen. So I really appreciated this conversation.

Thank you.

It's been good. It's been hard. But I appreciate your ability to— like, I appreciate your story. And I'm so glad that God met you in such a difficult place of life and that He showed you so much joy and comfort and firmness in your decisions. And that you felt the presence of Him, that you weren't alone in everything that you experienced. So I'm really glad that He met you in that place.

Thank you, love. Thank you for this conversation. It's amazing to have such a safe space to share honestly and vulnerably about where we're at, where we've been, what we're— we've been facing. And I hope that this conversation encourages encourages everyone out there to just explore your spirituality, whatever that might look like, to start infusing and taking small steps every day towards it. And if you're in a good spot, then like, what's that next thing for you? How can you challenge it? How can you grow? Um, and maybe this will even drive some conversations for you this week with your partner, your friends, your family. Um, but yeah, with that, we wrap up our wellness month, and then next month we will be tackling relationships.

I'm so excited about next month.

I'm stoked.

Yeah, it's gonna be a good one. I, I've loved these themes. I think it helps us go deeper, um, in different topics. So next month we'll be talking about, um, dating, friendships, intimacy, heartbreak, All of it. It's the month of love, so why not? Why not spend a whole month talking about it?

Yes. And for my single ladies and/or gentlemen, we're also talking about the relationship with ourselves. So you get to show yourself some love.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for listening. If you resonated with this episode or want to reach out, you can do that at inbetween.pod. And you can also reach out to me directly @AlexisTeichmiller.

Or me @AstraJohannaPhoto. We'll see you next time.