Tips for Staying Grounded During Stressful Seasons

Welcome to The In Between Podcast. I'm Astrid.

And I'm Alexis. Join us as we explore the messy yet beautiful in-between seasons of life.

We'll discuss business, relationships, wellness, and everything in between to help you become the highest version of yourself.

Let's dive in. Hello and welcome back to another episode of The In Between Podcast. I am one half of the pod, Alexis.

And the other half, Astrid. And I'm so excited for today's episode because if you're anything like us, you're having a crazy busy fall season in your personal life and at work. And so we're just going to be chatting through how we're staying grounded during this time, or when we're off center, how we bring ourselves back to our baseline and reduce anxiety and stay grounded. So This is a safe space to feel all the feels.

Yes, I am very excited for this episode because this has definitely been a whirlwind of a couple of months. There's just been a lot going on in the world, a lot going on at work, and I think that as individuals, it can be really hard to stay grounded and to not spiral. Like, I mean, you spend any amount of time at work, there's a lot of things that can be very triggering, a lot of stress, maybe in your families, You spend any time on social media with the political climate, there's a lot of things that can just trigger you and can cause a lot of anxiety. And when Astrid and I were thinking about what could we talk about, we're like, let's talk about what's happening in our lives. We're both navigating different aspects of anxiety and trying to stay grounded. And so we wanted to give you some tips and just things that we have done that have helped us recenter. And honestly, while there's so much seriousness happening too, it's like I think that when I'm really spiraling, everything is heightened and everything is catastrophized. And so I think staying grounded for me is coming back to reality, looking at what I can control, looking at what I can't control. And I think that's just a helpful kind of context baseline for— this conversation. But before we dig into that, our girl had the weekend, the birthday weekend in Chicago. Tell us about it. Catch us up. Your dress was iconic. Um, the photos turned out amazing, if I do say so myself. And how was your birthday weekend?

Oh my gosh, it was amazing. And this is your sign that if you want to celebrate something, just plan it and celebrate with your people, because I have zero regrets about having it. And I think the biggest part was just seeing how every single friend that was there made such a big sacrifice to be able to be there, whether with their time, their schedule, their energy, their money. There was just a lot of aspects that everybody made a big effort to be there. And there's something that feels so loving when people sacrifice some of their time and money and effort for you. So I felt very loved, and it was just like a fun weekend. We got to have a double date together on Friday, which was so fun since we don't really get to do that often.

Yes.

And then went to the most incredible ancient baths. If you're ever in the Chicago area, it's called Aire Ancient Baths, and had my first cold plunge. My girl Alexis walked me through it, and I was releasing all of my traumas.

I'm telling you, you're gonna be, you're gonna be like hooked on ice baths.

Yes, yes. I just need like a recording of your voice to walk me through the next one.

I'm happy to.

Yeah, but it was amazing just like having that chill time, starting the Saturday morning nice and slow, and such a beautiful experience. And yeah, then we got to have a lovely brunch with everyone, get together. It was one of those like As my friends kept coming in, it just felt, I don't know, probably like how a mom feels when all the kids are coming home. Just so excited.

It was like a progressive party because it was like every little event throughout the weekend, more and more people came. And so it was really fun to start just us 4 and it ended with like 10 of us or 11 of us.

Yes. Yes. I love that so much. So yeah, and then Saturday night was amazing. The dinner was probably one of my favorite memories. Um, Niso's Prime was incredible because it was good vibes, but you could still chat. And we were there for like 3 hours.

Yeah.

Right? Like, it was like one of those long dinners that you're enjoying your drink, they're really bringing out the appetizers, and then they bring everything else. And I— that's one of my favorite things to do is eat good food and have like a lovely dinner. So, um, yeah, I just felt so, so loved. And then on Sunday, my, um, my mom was hosting a 30th dinner for me with the family. So we drove down and got ready, went over, and my sister flew in from Miami to surprise me with the kids.

Aw.

So we had all of our immediate family, uh, there, and that was so special. So if you follow me on Instagram, you've seen the video of me crying when I see her there. Um, But yeah, it was very, very sweet. And I was just feeling really emotional that day of just how much love and outpouring I had had. And also just having all my siblings together. You don't realize how hard it is and how there's always someone missing. And yeah, when I'm the baby and I'm turning 30, it was one of those just looking at them and we had our own moment where I got to talk to them. Oh, that's so sweet. And it was like, wow, we've grown up and this is us. Like, when my dad has passed now and whenever my mom passes, it's us.

Like, we're the unit.

We're what continues this legacy forward. And I got a moment to just like thank them and tell them how much I admire each one of them. And so, yeah, I just feel so loved. And I had a great birthday too. So, you know, your girl celebrated for 4 days. It wasn't 1 birthday, it was like 4. And it was great.

You deserve it. You deserve every bit of that. And I love how intentional you are with your siblings and just acknowledging that moment and recognizing like, wow, okay, this is, this is us and the reality of growing older together and getting to do that alongside your siblings. Uh, so special. So I'm so glad that you had a good birthday. I had a great birthday too, celebrating you. Oh no, I had truly like the best time. Matt and I really enjoyed being in Chicago and hanging out with you and Nick and the whole crew. It was a lot of fun. And I think that something that you and I really connect on is like, we love— I mean, there's so many things, but we love dressing up. And I think just like being able to dress up for like for a whole weekend and like, that's just very exciting to me. I love planning outfits and I love that. Like, that's our girly time together. And like, we were texting, planning outfits and I just, I love like the femininity of Putting on a really awesome outfit, feeling sexy, feeling confident. And you were rocking that with all the red and all the amazing fits. Thank you.

Thank you. I loved having you there and getting to do all the girly things. It just felt like a nice, relaxing bonding weekend. So let's do it again next year. All right.

I'm in. Say less. I love it. Well, In terms— oh yeah, let's do in-betweens before we get started. What, do you want me to go first?

Yeah, you go first.

Okay. Since you— I'm putting you on the spot even though we know this is coming every time. Okay. In-between for the week would be, I've kind of gone back and forth on whether or not to share this, but I think I am. I thought I was pregnant for a week. That was really interesting. If you have been following me or following the podcast and have heard any kinds of conversations around motherhood and the way that I talk about motherhood, and again, I just want to acknowledge everyone's on their own journey with this and I want to be incredibly sensitive for anyone that's trying to get pregnant or just experiencing any levels of infertility. My heart is with you, and in my case, I am actively trying to not get pregnant. But Matthew and I have become a lot more curious about becoming parents, and it's something that truly two years ago we were like we will not have kids. Like we were we had this level of like yeah we're we're not going to be parents. We don't want to have children. We don't feel like we need to have children. And over the last couple of years, we've really. allowed ourselves space to explore what being parents could look like for us and what me being a mom would look like and, and what our values as parents could look like and just kind of redefining, um, what our model could look like and giving ourselves permission to really use our imaginations there instead of like I think a lot of times for people that don't have children and are intentionally childfree, it's like you think of, oh well, all the things that you're gonna have to sacrifice. Or you can see having children as like a, um, trying to think of like the best way to put this, but you can like sometimes see them as like a blocker of like, oh, I'm not gonna be able to do, especially for women, I'm not gonna be able to do what I want to do with my career, my body. My hormones, like there's a lot of unknowns. I think when it comes to being a parent and for someone that's like, I don't really know if I want that, you can sometimes focus in on the negatives. Let's just say that. And over the last couple of months in particular, we've really been like thinking very positively and like really thinking more about what could this look like for us? Yada yada. So, um, I was supposed to start my period and, um, I didn't. And I was almost a week late, and I am never late. Like, I don't usually— I'm— my cycle is very on time. And, um, yeah, I— we were like, all right, uh, whenever we were in Chicago, I waited until the very last night to tell you. We were like in the— we were like, it was the last thing that we were out doing, and I was like, hey, so there might be a chance that I, I could be pregnant. I don't know. And you're like, what? Um, but Whenever we got home from Chicago, went to the grocery store, bought a pregnancy test, got home. And I have also been sick and I have been incredibly stressed about just life and work. And I started my period. And I think my body knew like, you're home, you're starting to get a little bit better. And so my body was like, okay, we're going to give this to you right now. But Matt and I were like, Really like, whoa, okay. So like we take this and like we're pregnant. Like, will we tell our family at Christmas? Like we were starting to really walk it out and it was really interesting. Like I think, and for anyone that's truly been thinking about this for a long time, when your mind starts going to such a positive romantic place of like, wow, like this is interesting. Like what could this mean? Um, it is really different. I have never felt like a lightness towards that before, and so it was really, really very sweet actually. Like, so yeah, that's what I'll say. I'm in between what the heck that means and just letting myself, you know, sit in it for a little bit. But yeah, that's that's my big in between for the week. But I'm also like talking to Aster, and I'm like, I it's a pregnancy scare, and I'm like, I'm not a teen mom. Like, I'm thirty-one. Like, this is not a this is not even classified as a pregnancy scare. Really? Because it's like, anyways, so yeah, there's where I'm at.

Oh my gosh. Well, thank you for sharing that. I started to get emotional there at the end, just hearing how you were feeling about it. And I think whenever you shared the news with me, I don't know if you realize it, but you had like, it wasn't like a scared, like it was like almost like an excited, happy. And I was like, okay, okay, that's where we're at. Like we're scared but happy and she's sharing it here. So it's, it's in this side of the spectrum rather than like— because I know it's been a journey for you.

Yeah.

And it's like, maybe this scare in a different time would've felt very differently. And so I think that just hearing you even right now recap like the journey that you guys have been through is so beautiful to hear because you guys create such an intentional life. And to have a kid or to not have a kid is such a big choice. That unfortunately we've grown up sometimes with like, this is just the next thing. And you guys, in every aspect of your life, not just this, refuse to just do the next thing or what's traditional or, you know, there's so many parts of your life that are not traditional and it works for you. And I admire that so much. And I love that we're able to share that even with, or you're able to share that with our listeners today. To, as an example of there's a different way.

Yeah.

There is a different way where you can choose to not be, or to choose to be childfree, and you can change your mind if you want to, and you can be in the in-between of exploring that. Like, there is no fixed box, and your process of exploring that on such a big life decision is a beautiful lesson to us all of what could that— what could my life look like like that? What could my life look like if I moved somewhere else? Let's play it out. Let's be open and curious to it. Like, what could my life look like if I change careers, if I quit my job? Like, and fully playing it out and letting it like just sit there. And then when something happens that you're like, oh, that actually felt good and not heavy.

Mm-hmm.

Maybe that's for me. Let's keep exploring it and see what that looks like. So, um, I love you. Thank you for letting us in on this journey, and thank you for letting me in on every aspect of it. And I've learned so, so much from you from the past 2 years of all your decision-making around this topic, and it's been so inspirational for me too.

Thank you. Thank you so much. I, I really appreciate that. It feels, it feels good to be supported. In your decisions or even in like your curiosities, like in allowing your friends to sit a bit undecided on things and support them as they're kind of figuring out what they want in different areas of their life and to feel supported by that and not feel pressured. I can't tell you how many times, and I'm sure all of us have experienced this in some way or another, when you're in an in-between of a decision or a big choice, big or small, and you do let people in, you could start to feel who is just supporting you where you are and who is pushing or like, but what about this? And like, have you thought about this? And I like that it's just like being held where I am. And that is very respectful and kind. And I think especially with more emotional decisions like this that are very life-changing, Mm-hmm. It's important to hold your friends where they are instead of like challenged. Like there's, this isn't an opportunity to challenge. I think a lot of that, a lot of times, like I've thought about pretty, pretty much damn near everything that you can think about when it comes to having a kid. So like there's the aspect of being challenged in areas where it's like, I don't, I just need to be supported where I am. And you always, you are always, um, that way. And I just appreciate you with this topic being so. being so considerate and so compassionate. So what are you in between?

Um, oh, there's so many to work through, honestly. Um, I am in between— I would say I've been working through a lot of things with my coach emotionally, which in hindsight, maybe I should have done all the coaching stuff in the new year because it's, it's been a lot to process through in this season. And that kind of relates to our topic today too. But I feel like what I'm currently in between that I appreciate is realizing that some of the things that give me anxiety in my life, it actually is rooted to a programming that I had as a kid of like, a specific topic. So for example, money. If for some reason I have a lower month, I start feeling anxious about it, even though I have savings, but that anxiety is still there and it's strong as if I was like broke, broke. And so my, what I'm learning is that my coding basically as a kid was that we can lose it all any, at any moment. And there is never enough because there's never enough to pay the bills. We got to choose between one or the other. And just like that, there's been a lot of other things in my life that have been just coded into me as a kid that now it's been really interesting because sometimes I can understand where it comes from, but I couldn't quite get my anxiety to calm down. And so it was just a weird in-between place to be at and be like, okay, I know I'm not broke. This is where it comes from. I have, you know, money scarcity from when I was a kid.

Cool.

What do I do with this? Like, I'm so stressed. And so with her, we've been working through basically like how to rewire those neural pathways in my brain and how to walk myself through it and realize in those moments that It is my coding. And so even with that, like, some abandonment wounds that I have from losing my dad as, as like so young shows up in my relationship in small situations that feel big to me. And so she's walked me through basically like in those moments, inner child Astrid needs big sister, like adult Astrid to step in.

Mm-hmm.

And not necessarily my partner to step in. And so I am in between navigating a lot of those things and in a sense cleaning up a lot of my childhood coding. And it has been really lovely for my relationship. It's been really great for my career. It's given me a lot more peace. And I didn't realize how much of my anxiety was coming from basically my childhood trauma rather than my environmental factors of The relationship, the career, the friendship, the busy schedule, and more of that. And so, yeah, so I'm in between navigating all of those. And then as situations pop up, like reminding myself, okay, here's like the steps that she told me I need to walk myself through right now. And letting my partner in on, hey, this makes me feel abandoned. This is for me to work through. You're not abandoning me. Can I take 10 minutes? I'll see you in a few. I need to work through a few things. And so, yeah, it's interesting reparenting yourself at now 30 in those areas. And it's hard because you realize all the things that you should have had as a kid that you didn't. And I had a lovely childhood, amazing parents that showed up for me and everything. And And no parent is perfect and life happens and, you know, we lose people and tragedies happen. So that's just more where I'm at. But it's still for me to clean up. And so, yeah, so that's where I'm at. And I feel like it's providing so much freedom that I feel a lot more peace, even going now into my 30s, going into the new year. And it's so uncomfortable. Every time I have that on my calendar, I'm like, shoot, like I know we're gonna go there. And for the first time in a really long time, like I'm avoiding something. But the fact that it's there, it's just like, no, I'm not canceling. I'm gonna show up. I'm just gonna trust it. And afterwards, I feel so much better and so much more clarity. But I want to run from it. So yeah, so that's kind of what I'm in between, just processing through all those Big life things.

I am so proud of you. One thing about you is, and I, I wrote this, I don't know, I wrote this somewhere for your birthday. It was either in a card or on social, but like you face hard things head on. And I think it's normal, especially going through a coaching experience over, I think it's, isn't it 8 weeks? It's an 8-week program. Like you've gone through several sessions at this point and you know what it's going to bring up. And so that avoidance is very normal for you to be like, okay, I We've been here before. I know what this is going to be and like, this is heavy, but you continually showing up and being consistent and facing it. Like, I just— the work that you are putting in right now is so foundational to the woman that you're becoming. And it's also so honoring to your past. Like, you are really going deep into your history and looking at, okay, where does Where do repairs need to happen here? And that is just like, you are going to experience the fruits of this labor for the rest of your life because of what you're doing right now. So I know it's been hard and heavy in a lot of ways, and I'm, I'm so proud of you. And there will be so much like joy, um, and like freedom that comes from this work, even though being in it is, is really— Uh, difficult.

Yeah, yeah. Thank you, love. Yeah, thank you. And I also think it just, in a way, life feels a little bit lighter because I have a specific professional to talk through even throughout the week as I navigate these anxiety things, um, and triggers and stuff. And so if anyone's been on the fence of going back to therapy or hiring a coach, like Trust your intuition. If it's if it's top of mind, it's for a reason. And I had been wanting to do it, I think since actually I think in one of our podcast episodes for the new year, I said that I thought I wanted to go back to therapy. So I feel like my intuition's been like knocking there for almost a year now, and and it was one of the best decisions I've made. So I'll keep you all posted.

But I need to hire her. As you're talking, I was like maybe I should work with her on some. Some of my shit.

Yeah, she's amazing. DM me if you want to talk to her too.

I love it. Um, well, let's, let's shift over to staying grounded, um, and tools slash strategies, things that we do that help us stay grounded. Do you want to go first?

Yes, yes. Um, yeah, I would say like the biggest one for me whenever life is heavy and anxiety is high is turning to myself. I think that sometimes we can overcomplicate things with too many tools of how to reduce anxiety, but you are the only one that has the true key of like what you need in that moment. And what served you in the past might not serve you now. So some things to think through and that I think through in those moments is, what do I need right now? Do I need more sleep? And prioritize that. Do I need to do gentle movement this week instead of going and weightlifting? Do I need to actually go lift heavy weights and get some of that stress out? Do I need more discipline? Sometimes the anxiety comes from, I'm so tired, I'll just wake up whenever I need to, and then roll into the next day. And then now you're behind and now you're catching up on it. So I think turning into yourself and being able to recognize that is huge. I navigated some of that actually yesterday and I was like, okay, I really need to one, sleep and catch up from the weekend because I will not be able to perform my job well this week if I don't. And 2, I need alone time. And so I took alone time before and after a shoot to focus on things and it's different every time. So build that relationship with yourself. And continue to honor that. And every time you can always tap into her. The holidays are coming. Anxiety can also be high during that time. You can tap into her whenever she's like, okay, what do I need right now in this room full of people? Maybe you just go and take a little lap around the neighborhood and a breather, and then you come back and you can be present with your people. So that would be my first one.

I love that. Just to add on to that, I think that getting in tune with what you need. And sometimes when you don't know what you need, because there are times when like you're feeling so anxious and overwhelmed by what you have to do, you know, an array of reasons that you don't even know what to do next. And I think that if you could create a kind of like self-care kit— actually, Danica Brysha, who I had on Circles Podcast, she has a community called the Self-Care Society, and this is something that she recommends And I haven't— I've heard like dopamine menu, I've heard like different tools or like, you know, your core foundational habits. But she has a self-care ritual that if she can do these 3 things every day, she has like really taken care of herself and listened to herself. And so, if you have a version of that for when you're feeling anxious, what are like— if you don't know what you need and you have these 3 things that are already kind of predetermined or preset by a past, maybe less anxious version of you, maybe start there. So for me, that's like, I'm going to move my body. I'm going to make food at home. This is a big one. I notice that when I'm really anxious and overwhelmed, I'm like, I'm just going to go, I want to eat really comforting Chinese food, or I want to go to—

Yeah.

And all those things are fine, but when you're in a season of anxiousness, Going and ordering DoorDash every single day for me, which is a— this is a habit that I used to have pretty significantly from like 2018 to 2021. I would eat out like 4 to 5 times a week of just like fast food. And now on the self-care is like, I need to make food at home. I need to. And there's like a therapeutic process of making the food. So I'm like playing some jazz music. Um, I'm on my phone's on do not disturb and I'm just making breakfast. I'm making my lunch. I'm making my dinner.

Mm-hmm.

So spending some time in the kitchen and then spending time journaling or reading, depending on where my headspace is at. So basically just like, don't freaking look at your phone, don't freaking watch TV, and get off your computer. So those are some of my self-care things that when I don't really know exactly what I need, I go through that. And then I am able to kind of get myself to a place where I have lowered my anxiety and that's helped. But, um, one of mine is on the logistics side planning. So I've been doing this for the last 2 months and every Sunday for about 15 to 20 minutes, I will go through my entire week at a glance and I'll go through each individual day and I will plan and prep for what I need for that meeting. Um, I'm still doing coaching on the side of my full-time job. So making sure I have all my client notes prepped, all my client check-ins scheduled, and just basically looking at the whole week, scheduling what needs to be scheduled, scheduling my movements. I'm on ClassPass now. It's like, where do I want to go to Pilates? When am I going to go to the gym and lift? And I'm making a lot of those decisions on Sunday when I'm in a more lighthearted, restful headspace than when it's Monday morning and I'm like, okay, I got to plan the whole week. Monday is not a good planning day for me. So Can you find a good day for yourself to look at the next, you know, 4 to 6 days and plan things out? I think that's another way to kind of beat some of the anxiety that can come throughout the week.

Yeah, absolutely. I love this one because I think a lot of times we don't realize how much the small decisions every day exhaust us.

Yes.

And if you're able to bulk that all into a Sunday And make all those decisions on a day that you're already rested, then when you're showing up for work the next day, you just follow the plan you've already made for yourself. And you've already reduced that decision-making of when are you going to wake up? When are you going to work out? When do you meal prep? When are you going to do certain things for work? And actually, to add on to that, something that I do is— so I've time-blocked for many years now. And something that's really helped me with work is when I have a very large to-do list and I'm feeling that anxiety pop up of like, wow, I have all these things due, when am I going to catch up? I start playing with the little boxes in my calendar and I'm like, okay, what's realistic that I can get done today? So I know editing a gallery might take me 2 hours. Okay, this one's top priority. So I block out the 2 hours and then the 2 hours And then I realized I'm out of time for the day. So it wasn't realistic for me to do all these things. So now I need to wake up actually really early the next day to make all these galleries work. But I love your point on like doing all of that on a Sunday.

Yeah.

So that if you can play around with those blocks throughout the week, you know when to wake up and when to get stuff done. But that has been huge for reducing my work anxiety because I don't know about you, but being able to— I have high expectations of myself every single day. And whenever I don't meet a majority of my list and it feels like I just got 3 things done, even though each of those took a lot of time, I don't feel great about myself.

Totally.

So that has been a huge, huge lifesaver.

Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up. Similarly with work block, um, calendar blocks, I have a lot of FaceTime, like my job requires a lot of on camera live. I am recording podcasts. I am teaching workshops, webinars, like I am live a lot. And then there's also like the admin strategy side of like building out partnerships and creative and reviewing. And so, and that doesn't even include internal calls and calls with partners. So my, my days are usually spending a lot of time on Zoom. Or on a live of some sort. And something that I have noticed is if I can front load that and have that be in like a three to four hour chunk back to back, then I have several hours. Or if I need to do deep work, I I cannot do deep work with thirty minutes in between calls. It's very hard for me to context switch into that. And so for you, if you can communicate with your team. If you can block things off on your calendar, like, hey, I need 3 hours to build out this partnership strategy with this individual. I need to work on the contract. I can't do all those little mini pieces in between calls. And so I know that's a bit nuanced, but I think learning how you work best so that you can time block and structure your day in a way that's actually conducive with what you need to get done. And that's also honoring to your energy. So I'm like, I'm moving calls. I'm like, hey, I've got this. I need to move this to next week and kind of being a bit unapologetic. Like obviously things that are urgent need to be taken care of, but if this is not something that I either need to attend or I need to like show up and be there right now on this day, is it possible for me to move it or not attend because my screen time and energy is more important for this webinar I'm teaching in an hour than what this is. So just being a lot more, um, diligent with my energy overall.

Yeah, absolutely. Um, that's actually like the next one that I have is being able to, um, remove things from your calendar that are important but not urgent on those weeks that anxiety is high. So whether it's a work thing that you might have a meeting that you can move Um, over to the next week, or if it's a personal thing and being able to say, hey, I'm sorry, like, I am running behind on my deadlines. Can we reschedule our dinner, our coffee, et cetera, to a different day? For you to be able to manage that, um, energy and focus it into what is top, top priority has been so helpful for me. And if you've struggled with people pleasing like I have in the past, That can feel really hard, but I think what you'll find is when you set those, whenever you reschedule those things, one, people are a lot more flexible usually to be like, oh yeah, no problem, let's do it next week. And two, you're also creating a moment of putting yourself first and a self-loving thing that this is what you need to manage your week best and It's okay that somebody else needs to take a little bit of a backseat at that point. So take things out of the calendar that doesn't need to be there would be my second one.

Yes, I have struggled with this. And I think it's like, for you, you mentioned people pleasing. I think that the way that it manifests for me is like, I want to prove to whoever, myself, whoever that is there, that I can do it. That like, I'm fine. I'm unbothered. I have an infinite well of energy. And I think especially in a work context, it's like a rigor. You know, it's like, yeah, totally. I could do it. Like, no big deal. I've got it. I will work. I will show up. I will not complain. I will not cancel. And I think that a lot of times in order to do our best work, We have to be more disciplined and meticulous with our energy so that we can create our best. And being at every meeting, being in every Slack channel, being everywhere, it doesn't really give you— I don't think, I don't think it gives you a competitive edge to like be everywhere when you aren't, when you aren't performing or creating your best work possible.

Yeah.

So I think I've really given myself a lot of permission to cancel, reschedule, move things, um, and doing it in a way that's like I have positioned it of in order for me to do my best work, this is what I need. And I'm— everyone's like, as you mentioned, everyone's always very supportive. Now I think where this is like counterintuitive, but I'm curious how you feel about this. Like when it comes to personal stuff where it's like, I'm feeling anxious, I'm not, I'm going to cancel. I'm not going to go to your birthday. Like, I feel like there are levels where like sometimes you got to push through some shit and you got to show up for your people. And I think there's like moving a meeting that doesn't need to happen that day or rescheduling a coffee is very different than like something that has been planned for a very long time and you're just ghosting. Or you're just not showing up for your people. So I do want to bring that up because this is not what I'm saying in any way. And I think things like that are, unless you're truly, truly going through something very heavy or you are sick or you just found out some terrible news, there are obviously caveats, but sometimes you just got to pull through and show up. What do you think?

Yeah. Absolutely. Those milestone things, you just have to pull it together, show up for your people. If you said you were going to be at a wedding, show up and do the thing. If you said you're going to be at a birthday, then show up. I also think that sometimes with whenever, even if it is a coffee date, I think that if you've rescheduled multiple times already, then you should come through because if not, then People are gonna be like, oh, I can never really count on her word. I think like the amount of frequency that you've had to do it before is also important. And perhaps it hasn't been intentional, but then you need better time management skills of when you are planning this coffee shop, coffee date with somebody. Is it realistic for you to meet with them on a Tuesday when you know you're more front load heavy at work? Like be more proactive with that and plan it for a Friday or a Saturday where your schedule is more open. So I think those 2 things of self-awareness that it takes to manage a friendship and relationships is huge. I also thought about, what about DMs and text messages and catching up with that?

Yes.

Because that, I don't know if I'm just abnormal, but that has brought me so much anxiety in the past of having to catch up with them. Especially when you're already so overstimulated with emails and messages and meetings and all, and then you're having to catch up with all these messages. It's hard.

It is.

It's really, really hard. And my friends know I've literally had to put it on the time block, and I do put it on my time block to catch up with IG DMs and my text messages because I would get so heavily overwhelmed by it that I would take a while to respond. Now I'm a lot better at it now, but when I was like healing from my divorce, I was, I was like in paralyzed mode and I could not really get to it unless I put it on the calendar and blocked out some time. So Yeah. I guess like one permission to not respond to everyone as soon as your texts come in. And to bulk it all in. I feel like if, if you respond within 24 or 48 hours-ish, if it's like someone that's really important to you, like that's fine. And business and everything doesn't have to be right away. And then if it's not someone that's like super close to your circle and they're just catching up, it's okay to take more than 24 or 48 hours and respond when you're available and say, hey, excited to hear from you. How's life been? It's just catching up. So, um, yeah, I feel like a lot of people deal with this.

Oh yeah. Permission to not give full access to yourself all the time. Like we are not meant to be like a human inbox to everyone else's requests and messages. Like we are still, you know, we're still humans and navigating a lot of other things. And sometimes the thought of responding to text messages, getting into DMs can be very overwhelming. So.

Yeah.

I mean, do not disturb for a couple of days if you need it. Also, if people that are in your life need something really urgent, they'll get ahold of you. If something's really happened and they need to tell you something or they need to clue you in on something, then that's fine. But I have given myself a lot of permission to just not get back to people if I'm in a headspace where I don't want to talk, I don't want to communicate.

Totally.

I have tried to honor, especially on the weekends and weeknights, like I don't want to force myself to be in communication with people when I'm in a headspace where like, I don't really want to do this.

Mm-hmm.

Because it's like, that's not the most authentic version of me and I'm not going to have the most authentic connection with someone. So I'm just going to wait until I'm in a headspace where I'm like, okay, like what's going on? Like, so I'm just trying to clue in with like where my headspace is and, and If that's a day, if that's 3 days, if that's a freaking week.

Sometimes you just got to take the space.

Right. My last piece around staying grounded when you're navigating anxiety is giving yourself perspective on your life. And when I can be in the whirlwind of the day-to-day or I'm online and there's just so much going on right now in our world. We have to address this. There's so much. I don't know what your social media algorithm is, but it feels like 2020 in a way to me personally again, where I'm online and it's just very triggering. And I have matured and changed in the last 4 years, but I can still get very emotionally sucked into a lot of different things on social. And so, some of the conversations I've been having with friends in particular is just getting perspective on like who we are as human beings, what we value, and how we want to keep living life, how we want to keep showing up. And so for you, if you're walking through a difficult time, whether it's, you know, a part of the world we live in, or maybe there's something happening in your personal life or at work, is there an opportunity for you to talk to someone where you can get some perspective? Get that 30,000-foot view. I know that today might be hard, this week might be hard, this month might be hard, but when you look at the entirety of your life and you look at, okay, here's where I've been, here's the kind of person I am, here's the kind of life I'm building, and reconnecting and feeling tethered to your why is really, really important. Or you can truly just get sucked in and you'll start to have these existential crises of like, what does my life mean? Why are we here? What is this? How do I be a part of something good? How do I add something valuable to this conversation? How do I take care of the people around me? How do I take care of my community? Like, you can just really get in these like mental whirlwinds. And I think if you can get some perspective on the role that you can play and what you can control, and unfortunately accept areas of your life and the world that we cannot control. I think that is like where you surrender to the universe, to God, and you're like, these are the things I truly cannot control, but here is the perspective I have. Here's who I know myself to be, and here's how I want to contribute to the world and add value and be a good person. Like, that's in my control.

Yeah.

And so, I think that's been something that Over the last week in particular, I have really like had to resurface in myself and be like, okay, this is this is like how we're going to move forward here, and here's my perspective, and and here's how I want to handle these conversations, and here's how I want to love people even though we disagree. And like that's been very interesting, and I've been flexing honestly a lot of my emotional maturity when. you go online and it's like, it's not mature. Like, and it's just very emotionally stimulating. So for me personally, that's been something that I have been, um, using to— as a tool, as a mental practice to, um, move through the day.

Yeah, thank you for sharing that. I think that's huge with everything that's happened in the past week and also going into the holidays. Like, you're gonna be surrounded by family members and with different opinions and different talks. I feel like I've already experienced part of it already, just stepping into social circles and hearing everyone's different opinions. And that's heavy and that's complicated. And I think when you add into the mix your own person of maybe you're a people pleaser, but you have strong values now or different values now. And so you're having this internal fight of like, well, I love them, but then this is what I believe. And it can cause a lot of anxiety and it can cause a lot of conflict internally. And so I love that you brought this up on how to process those emotions, how to be emotionally mature and flex those muscles. And ultimately, as sad as it is, like, how much can I truly control about the situation? And how much is truly out of my control. And here's how I decide to show up in the community near me and the people that I know near me that need that support.

Yeah.

And I will impact my bandwidth as much as I can. And unfortunately, just continue forward with that. And I do feel like being able to differentiate what we can control and can't control In this situation and anything else does take away the anxiety because— or not take away, but reduces it because the anxiety a lot of times is just— it feels like everything's just too big for us.

Mm-hmm.

And so when we can focus in on what truly can we control in any situation, we can regulate a bit and be like, okay, this is my next step and it's maybe not going to be okay as what I want the outcome to be. But it's gonna— at least I can control myself and I will be okay.

Yeah.

So yeah, thank you for sharing that. I hope that, um, everyone benefited from this conversation and that you felt seen if you've also been walking through a heavy season at work or in your personal life. And if you resonated with this episode, uh, please leave us a review on the podcast player that you're listening on. Or connect with us on our Instagram. We love hearing from you guys. Our Instagram is @inbetween.pod, and you can always connect with me @astrajohannaphoto.

And you can connect with me @alexistechmiller. Thank you so much for being here. I think we're going to do one or two more Ask A&A episodes between now and the end of the year. And so if you need advice or you want, you know, some career advice, life advice, relationship advice, And you've been listening to the podcast and you want your 2 big sisters, Astrid and I, to give you some input, give you some advice, um, you can leave us a voicemail or you can write in a question, and we'll have both of those linked up in the show notes for you to easily access. So thank you for being here. We love you, and we'll see you next week.

Bye.