Tools to Support Your Mental Health and Personal Growth

Welcome to The In Between Podcast. I'm Astrid.

And I'm Alexis. And we're 2 best friends on a journey to living a fun, intentional life.

We know it's easier to share on a season of life once it's behind you, but what about when you're in the middle of the growth, confusion, and decision-making?

This lifestyle podcast is for the everyday gal who loves to travel, talk about business, relationships, fashion, and everything in between. Hello friends and welcome back to The In Between Podcast. It's one half of the pod, Alexis, and the other half, Astrid. And today we're going to be talking through— hey, first off, this is the first episode of 2023.

Happy New Year!

Let's freaking go! I'm excited about this year. I like— I don't want to be one of those cheesy people that's like, this year's gonna be different, but it is. But it is.

Honestly, I love channeling the New Year energy.

Me too.

Some people are like, oh, like, you're— everyone's doing that. Like, why do you have to wait till the new year to do that? And honestly, let's ride the high. Ride the high where everybody is setting goals. We're all in it together, and I'm all for it.

I'm— I agree. Use it as a catalyst. And if you're feeling jaded, there might be something for you to explore there of why.

Go explore.

Go explore why you resent the new year. I've been there though. I've been there, honestly. January 2020, I even like before, you know, COVID and everything, that, that January was the first January that I was a full-time entrepreneur. And I was like, I felt the pressure of the new year. So if you're, if you're there right now, I totally get it. But really excited about this new year. And the theme for January is health and wellness. And we're— Astrid and I are kind of taking like a different approach to content for the show. So we're gonna have themes for each month and then deep diving into that overall theme. So today we're gonna be talking about mental health.

Yes, I am so excited for these themes. Me too. And to be able to just dive a little bit deeper into topics. And also, if there's anything that you want us to dive into, please let us know. Um, in February we're gonna be talking about relationships and each week we'll have like a different angle on that. So any questions like towards relationships, send those our way. But yeah, as you dive into the new year, perhaps, um, there's different aspects of your health and wellness that you're reconsidering and maybe setting some movement goals or some mental health goals. And so today we'll be tackling more the mental health side.

Yeah.

And encouraging you to, you know, be healthy from the inside out first.

Absolutely. Yeah, good point. Like, I think that we can sometimes jump to external things we want to change in our lives, and so much of that change is rooted in the internal. And so if you can prioritize both, or prioritize the internal first, if you're someone that gets easily overwhelmed by all the different aspects of life, um, I think starting inside really helps. Um, okay, before we dig into the topic, what are you in between right now?

Oh, just kidding.

I forgot about this. Every time acting surprised.

What? Um, okay, do you want to go first?

I am, or yeah, I will.

I am the in-between.

I am the in-between. Um, okay, what am I in between right now? I would say, so we're recording this whenever I am still home in Illinois, and we are going to be heading back to Texas here this next weekend in a couple of days. But I'm like feeling really motivated, and I'm feeling like a bit of frustration because I, I feel like I can't execute on what I'm motivated about because I'm home and I've got all these obligations and like, and plans, not obligations. That sounds really negative, but like things I've committed to doing, people I want to see, time I want to spend with my people. Um, and I feel like I, I, I can't, it's difficult for me to make time for like working on all the things that are up in my head.

Yeah.

And I feel I was just journaling about this this morning. Um, I've been trying to keep up with my journal habit even whenever I'm away from home and away from like my normal routine is like, okay, it's this, this relationship between being present and like the ambitious side of me and like, how can I channel both of them? I think in the past when I'm like really ambitious and like feeling really motivated and I want to like, I want to put it in a time capsule.

Yeah.

You know, like I want to just like capitalize on those feelings and we all know that Motivation and discipline are not feeling based. Like it's something that you can draw on at any time. But when you're feeling super motivated, you want to like immediately jump into action. Like you get home and you're like, "I'm feeling motivated. Let me clean," or "Let me like do a project I need to do." Yeah. You're trying to like capitalize on the feeling, and I feel like being home, I'm not really able to capitalize on those feelings. Yes.

You're like, "Please stay longer." Yeah.

I'm like, "Are you gonna be here next week? Are you gonna be here next week when I'm back in Houston?" Yes.

So I'm in between.

Like living in the present and also not feeling like my energy or motivation has an urgency or like a time limit on it. Like, I feel like all this motivation has a shelf life.

Yeah.

And that's not true. It's not expiring. I can, I can ride this as long as I want to, but I'm, I'm inviting myself to learn that and not feel frustration or resentment because like, oh, I've got all these plans this week. I've got this work. I've got, you know, You know, whatever it is, I can't get to the things I want to get to yet.

Yeah.

And maybe you're feeling like that with the new year.

Yeah.

Maybe it's like, oh, well, January, I have all these commitments. Maybe I need to actually start in February. Okay. We'll channel that new year energy in February or March or April, whatever it is. It's like, just because we can't start when we want to start.

Or when everyone else is starting. Exactly.

Or when everyone else is starting, just because we can't start when we want to start. We can almost like negate the whole process where we're like, well, I didn't get to really work on that last week or last month. And so I'm just not going to work on it. You know? So I am in the middle of really navigating that thought process and like kind of dismantling it, breaking it apart and letting it go.

Yeah. That's amazing. I think that whenever we're in between those 2 feelings, that skill, it's really a skill that you're working on right now, right? Being able to Both acknowledge that you have this extreme passion and ready to get to work, right? And also being present and being able to like mentally be where your feet are at.

Yeah.

And that can be so hard. I, I experienced that with work, um, when I first launched my business. I couldn't turn— I couldn't turn it off. It's all I thought about. All I thought, I thought, thought about was my, my marketing job and my business. And I think it took me like 2 years to be able to get to a point where Now I'm able to like switch gears so quickly on and off and like compartmentalize. But in that layer, I'm still learning just like you of when I have all this motivation, I almost want to cancel everything else that's going on literally because I'm just like, I got to get to work. Yeah, it's almost like you're on the speed track when you're playing those video games. You can go the normal track or there's like the one that lights up and you're like, you're going to get there.

Dun dun dun dun dun dun. On Mario Kart.

I'm using on the 10x.

I've, I've like hit my mushroom. You know what I'm talking about? In Mario Kart, you like, you like get a mushroom or a mystery box and it just like shoots you into the future.

You're there.

I feel like I, I have stumbled upon a mystery box and I'm trying to capitalize on it.

You have to wait on the mystery box. But I've got all these little pit stops I gotta make before I, before I go. So. That's amazing.

Yeah.

Only we would turn this into a Mario Kart reference. Yeah.

Okay, what about you? What are you in between right now?

Um, I am in between— I'm really wanting to like basically purge my whole house.

Oh yeah, tell me more.

So in 2020, remember Marie Kondo, which is like, oh yeah, super popular? I love her, I love her. I did that in my house.

Does it spark joy? Yes, 100%.

Yeah, 100%. And, um, ever since, my closet has been extremely organized, my drawers have extremely organized.

They really are, everyone. I've witnessed it. They are very organized.

And it makes me just so happy. Um, but this past year was just so wild with my business, I didn't really get to do that in my home yet. So I'm just ready for that next layer in my purging of the house of like, okay, I don't need this anymore, or this doesn't fit my, um, decor style anymore. And so I just kind of want to go room by room and like organize everything again. And I really enjoy doing that, ideally twice a year. Um, but this year I, I only cleaned out my closet once, so that's where I'm at. So I am wanting to do that towards the end of January, I think.

Mm-hmm.

And then like selling some things, donating some, a few more. Um, but yeah, mentally it just makes me feel cluttered whenever there's like stuff in my house that I don't need or want, or it's just things that people gave you. It's just, I don't know, it makes me feel anxious a little bit.

Yeah.

So that's where I'm at. I love that.

I, I feel very drawn to do the same thing after moving and like getting everything in and wanting to, wanting to walk in and be like, okay, I'm really proud of this space. There are areas of our house that give me a lot of peace. And then there's areas that when I look at them, I'm like, Not quite done yet.

Yeah, it's like my spice cabinet. I want to like really organize it, you know, and just like go through the kitchen. Like right now I got a new, uh, cookware set.

Oh yes, you got the, um, the Caraway?

Caraway.

How do you like it?

Incredible.

I hear that they're like difficult to take care of, or you have to like, you know, go the extra mile for them.

You just hand wash them like any other nice set.

Really? I feel like I've listened to a few podcasts where like they've talked about having them and they're like I don't know. I feel like they've talked about needing to do extra stuff to them, almost like a cast iron, which I got for Christmas. Oh, we got a cast iron that also has like a rubbery thing around the handle.

That's amazing.

So you can like put it in the oven and then like it won't melt. Um, and then you can also like grab it without burning your hand, which I have done.

Um, anyways, though, for the girlies, I went through a season where I had really low iron where I was like basically passing out in the shower. Like it was just like really intense.

I know.

Um, but the doctor told me how like try to cook more foods in the, in the cast iron skillet because it does like release iron and it helps your body.

So, okay.

Yeah.

I'm gonna have great iron. I will not have an iron deficiency in 2023. I will not pass out in the shower. No, the organizational piece too. I think that we should do an episode on that or like try to figure out where that fits into our themes this year. Yes. But like do one specifically on organizing cuz I. I want to take, I love your advice on taking it room by room. And I was just thinking in my head, like, okay, what if I did the kitchen slash pantry in January? And then in February we did like our bedroom, bathroom, closet. And then in March I finally like save money and like, I want to redecorate and like paint wallpaper. Like I want to go really deep into making my office something just really magical.

Yeah.

So maybe that's March. And then maybe April is like focusing on the guest bedroom and getting that just a little bit more like warm and cozy. And, but I think whenever you start the new year, you're like, I need to do all of this in January.

All of it at once. I will deep clean every single room. Why are we like this? And honestly, that's actually where I was at. I was like, I'm going to pick a whole weekend and then deep dive into this. Um, but chatting with you. Right now I'm processing and deciding that I'm gonna like split it off and do like themes of months or even just weeks to be like, okay, this weekend we're gonna do my closet.

Yep.

And then just like do a whole clean out. And there's just nothing better than opening up that drawer. It's like all your PJs that are all the PJs that you actually like and want to wear. And that impacts like your nighttime routine and how you feel.

Totally.

When you, how you sleep and wake up. And I think just realizing how much my environment has been impacted since 2020 of implementing that Marie Kondo. It's almost like I like it to be a part of my yearly routine. Oh, I like that. Yeah, so I'm excited to do that and purge and hopefully add— start a new layer of decorating in like mid-year.

Yeah, that's exciting. I also realized like that my style, I don't like clutter. And I don't like decorative clutter.

Same.

Where I'm like, okay, I'm, I'm kind of getting my bearings of like, what do I really like and what do I not like? Yeah. Like even just watching interior stuff on TikTok or on Pinterest, it's like kind of getting down like, okay, this is my style. Even though like sometimes trendy things are a little bit more— there's more stuff in the room.

Yeah.

Where I'm like, okay, I'm like, I, I feel like I'm learning I'm more minimal.

Yeah.

With decor.

Me too. I think, um, it makes me feel more peaceful. Yeah, to have less stuff.

Totally.

And I also like that from a financial standpoint, being able to just like, I invest in this one nice furniture piece that I love and that's it. We don't need other things, Astrid.

Like, totally.

So yeah, I'm excited.

I'm excited too. We're gonna— this is the year of lots of, lots of, um, organization. Yes, in the business and in the life and in the house.

All the workflows, we love those.

How can I automate cleaning up my House.

Hire a house cleaner. Honestly, it's the best decision.

10 out of 10. Um, okay, mental health.

Switching to mental health.

Switching gears here, everyone. Um, okay, tools for mental health. Before we get into the tools, I think it would be helpful if we each shared a bit of our own context of like our journey through our mental health and kind of what that has been like and in our relationship with Mental health and therapy and things like that. Um, I think that's always helpful.

For sure. Yeah. I think everyone kind of navigates different things in life. And, um, for me, I wasn't— I was very into self-development growing up and in my like early 20s, but it wasn't until I experienced deeper trauma in, um, I think I was like 23 or so. Yeah, 23. Um, that actually my mentor at the time that I used to always go to, she was like, this is beyond what I can help you with. You need to go to therapy. You need to have someone that is educated in this scenario that can help you walk through all these steps.

Right.

And that is probably one of the best things that anyone had— because could have ever done for me, because it hands down saved my life. Like, if I didn't really— if I didn't go to that I wouldn't have had the tools, right? And I think that's like the biggest part about therapy is that growing up, mental health hasn't been prioritized, at least like in our generation. And so it's almost like we grew up without this set of tools that are essential for coping in life. And so we learned that feelings are bad or good. We learn people are bad or good. We learn all these different things.

Very binary.

Yes. And I think for me going to therapy, and even though it was caused by going, like going through deep trauma, um, now almost 3 years. Yeah, more than 3 years, um, since I first went to therapy, I've picked up all these tools that have helped me to navigate different situations in my life from very like minor ones to even bigger like decision-making situations. And so if you find yourself like feelings, I guess it doesn't have to get so traumatic or low for you to go to therapy, right? We've all just haven't been taught the education side of how does your brain work? How do your emotions work? How does— how do things click? How does your childhood impact your decision-making as an adult?

Mm-hmm.

And so even just taking that step proactively to go to therapy for the sake of learning is a huge, um, aspect, I think, just as an adult, right? Like learning how to navigate your finances, same thing.

Right. And I, I think similar to me, a lot of my therapy experiences were more reactive, not necessarily proactive, which is kind of what you're talking about is like something happened, I need to go to therapy versus like, okay, how do we introduce therapy? And in a proactive way so that when things do happen, which they inevitably will, how do we have the tools and teach ourselves this is how we manage these things, these unexpected loss, this trauma, this, you know, those kinds of things can— they'll always be a part of our lives, unfortunately. Um, and I think that therapy is a tool that you can use in either way, reactive, proactive, it doesn't matter. Um, I think that it's It's a big part of learning about how to process your emotions and process your feelings. But throughout my life, therapy, you know, I went to therapy for the first time whenever I was 14 for some things that were happening. And that was, um, not a great experience, but it helped me enough to normalize that I was okay.

Hmm.

So like the overarching, I think it could have probably been better. Um, And at the same time, my therapist let me know that like, there was nothing wrong with me. That was my biggest takeaway was like, I think I walked into therapy thinking like I'm defective in some way. Like something—

Stigma, right? Like, are you going to therapy? What's wrong with you?

Right.

Yes.

Right. And so I think I walked out of there being like, okay, you're all right. You're okay. Um, even though this hurts, there's nothing necessarily unique about your situation, which in a way, like that's helpful. You don't want to walk, you don't want to. Feel like you're the only one in the world navigating what you're navigating, especially in your teens. So that was very helpful. Then I didn't—I jumped back into therapy in college a little bit. She was more of like a life coach. She had studied; she'd done a lot of like studying of the brain, and so she talked a lot about like rewiring. And so that was really helpful in my twenties, as like some honestly as a reaction to something that happened that was pretty traumatic whenever I was twenty years old. And then in my mid-twenties, I lost a friend very unexpectedly, a very close friend. And I actually let a lot of time pass before I went back to therapy, which doesn't matter. Like, doesn't matter how much time has passed. But I got to a point where it was really affecting my behavior and how, you know, how I thought about life. And I was like scared. I was like, if I don't, if I don't figure this out, Or if I don't get support, like, where will I be in a year? Kind of, kind of thoughts. And so that was very helpful and that was probably my best therapy experience. Um, and she really helped me navigate that my core feelings are around anger and anger is actually a secondary feeling, not a, not a primary feeling. And so it's like, you're feeling angry because you feel this.

Mm-hmm.

And so that was really helpful to correlate a lot of like my emotions. Mm-hmm. And then, um, when I moved back home, that was a very like, I didn't expect to feel very triggered and very, um, I felt like I was at odds with my child self and my adult self. And so, um, I started going back to therapy for about 7 to 8 months back in 2020. Yeah. 20, no, 2021. And that was also like a very helpful time. I find it helpful in like stints, if that makes sense.

Yes.

Um, where I feel to a point where like, okay, I've gotten the tools I need now. I want to go implement them. Um, so yeah, I think that therapy and, and just getting to a point where you know yourself and know that you need support— I think like whether you want to say I need help, I need support, I need assistance, I need tools, whatever the language is that resonates with you the best, um, it's just normalizing that you don't have to do that alone. And then also there are people in your life who really aren't qualified to speak into some of the traumatic things that you've experienced. So we think that, oh, I have close friends I can talk to about it. Oh, I can talk to my parent about it. I can talk to my partner about it. And it's not that— that's great. And I think that we should absolutely lean on our support system to help us through difficult times. And, um, I've received pretty terrible advice from people who just weren't necessarily qualified to help me through very difficult times.

Yes.

Um, and so I think that's where If you feel like your support system can only get you to a certain place, or even you yourself can only get yourself to a certain place, it's like, I need external support. I need an expert. Yes. That in, in this who can help me navigate this.

Yeah. It, it's almost like you're, the therapist becomes more the guide and everybody else is more of a support system towards that guide. I think like being able to have that expert and professional opinion of Hey, have you— because they know trauma in and out, they can study it. And also looked at it like, they don't know your family, they're like very removed from it. I remember when I was going through, um, my situation that I was so focused on problem solving that my therapist just stopped me and then she's like, have you gotten a chance to be angry? She's like, you deserve to be angry. She's like, your homework for this next week is I literally want you to get that anger out. She's like, the way people get so sick is because they don't get that anger out and they think that anger is bad. She's like, I literally want you to grab a pillow, punch it, cry it, say whatever it wants. It's an object, but you have to get it out. And so even just like, that's just one example of like, I was so focused on doing what's the right next step and what's the right next thing. And while perhaps a mentor or a coach can like guide you through that, a therapist, a trained professional in like trauma and all of that, can give you a little bit more context too, and like your emotions and how you're processing and correlating things with your childhood too.

Yeah.

And I think the biggest takeaway for me has just been being able to realize that I can move forward, being able to name things.

Right.

So it just feels so daunting when you're like, this feeling is so heavy. How will I ever get out of this hole? How will I ever even make it? How will, will I ever not be in pain? Or will I ever not be depressed? Like, this has been 2 years of depression, in and out, in and out. So what's— am I ever gonna be normal? And so being able to have a therapist step in and say, actually, you're experiencing grief. Grief can take X amount of time. Here's the grief process.

Where do you feel like you're at?

So being able to have that clarity, right, and, and almost like language where I'm like, okay, now when my feelings come up, I'm not like, oh my gosh, I am deeply depressed. I can name it and say, this is a layer of grief. I welcome it. I cry about it. I forgive it. I let it go. And we move forward with our lives.

Right.

But it took a long time to get there and train professionals and coaches Coaches and everything to, to be there. Which leads me to, um, I think a popular question. I'd love for you to answer this from your professional opinion. Yeah, like, what is the difference— 2 questions. A, what's the difference between going to therapy or finding a coach? And then B, when do you know which one to go with?

Right, I love this question. It's something that whenever I'm doing clarity calls or discovery calls with potential clients Um, we always cover this just to make sure that, you know, I am the right fit for them and they're the right fit for me. Just, but also what are their needs? What are their expectations around coaching? And I've noticed a little bit of a shift before I answer this, that sometimes there's a stigma around therapy, but there's not a stigma around coaching, or there's a stigma around coaching and there's not a stigma around therapy. And so I'm kind of like, what biases are people coming to the table with?

Yeah.

And so then we can kind of work What those assumptions are about each. So therapy is very past-present. It's looking into your past. It's trained professionals who, like you mentioned, who have, you know, 4 years of training in the brain, in processing trauma. And whether trauma too comes in lots of shapes and sizes.

Mm-hmm.

And so there's little t trauma, there's big T trauma. Um, everyone experiences trauma differently. We hold it in our bodies differently. And therapists are trained to walk you through, you know, how past traumas are impacting the present or how your childhood might be playing a role in the way that you pick a partner. I mean, everything down to those kinds of layers of dissecting the past. And then how do we make a plan for, for how do we want to be in the present right now?

Mm-hmm.

What I've seen in, in my own training with coaching Is coaching is very present future. And I've even, I have clients that are actually in coaching and therapy at the same time. And I've had clients that have done therapy and then have stopped, and then now they're into coaching. And anytime I feel like we're approaching something that is actually in therapy territory, I always say, I think this is something that you should discuss with your therapist. And I love that your mentor said the same thing. This is outside of my scope.

Mm-hmm.

This is, this is outside of my ability to help you. And I think that, um, working with someone who, who will say that to you is really powerful because then again, like they're only helping you within the bounds of what their expertise is in.

Yes.

Um, so therapy or sorry, coaching is very present future. So we're talking like goal setting, making big decisions, career transitions, negotiating salaries, relationship coaches, like. It's very, here's where I'm at presently. Here's where I want to go. Let's make a plan from point A to point B and all of the stopping points in between of how we're measuring our success between where we are now and where we want to go. And coaches really help you make that plan and help you navigate decisions to get to where you want to go in the future.

Hmm.

And so that, that's kind of the difference is I don't, It's helpful context for me to know if a client has experienced trauma and what they've experienced, and I listen, but I don't, I don't, um, dissect it in any way. Sure. I just listen. It's very helpful for context. Yeah. And then, you know, that might play a role in how they might make a choice. Yeah. Um, and it's helpful for me to know that, but again, like, it's not something for me to dissect or go further into.

Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. I, I want to add to that from a client client perspective too. So in 2020, I was about 9 months into therapy, and that's when I hired you as a coach, right? So I was both in therapy and in coaching, and both brought such different things to the table.

Yeah.

So for example, in therapy, I would uncover an area of like, oh, I'm actually codependent, and I don't know what I want, I don't know how I feel, and I don't know myself very well. And then in our coaching situations, Then I— it's almost like that present side of things where I remember we did this exercise where I had to check in throughout the day of like, how do you feel? I remember just staring at this blank page and seeing all these emotions and I'm like, I don't know how I feel. And that was daunting. But also like by day 3 or 4, I was like, okay, I'm in this, this square.

Mm-hmm.

So at least I've nailed it down a little bit. And it's almost like I identified what it was in therapy. And therapists will also give you tools and stuff. But with coaching, it was that future of like, okay, now I'm nailing down and actually creating, um, habits every day to nail that down, right? And now, like, you ask me right now, how are you feeling? I can answer that, right? So just from like a client perspective, if you feel like you're in a season of life where you need both, go for both, right?

If you have the resources.

If you have the resources, yes. Yeah, so helpful for me.

Yeah. And I think that's another question. The secondary question you asked is, how do I know which one to go to first? Um, I, when I'm in a clarity call with a client, that's something that we'll discuss is like, what are your needs? What are your expectations? And if they can tell me very clearly, like, I want to work on my confidence in my career, I want to change career paths. I don't like my current job. Um, I don't like where I live. I feel like I don't know myself. I feel like I don't, manage my time well. I feel like I procrastinate and I don't, you know, go after what I want because I'm nervous or I'm filled with doubt. That is like my zone of genius. But if they're like, I feel like, um, you know, this, this difficult situation happened with my family and it's like really affecting my personal life. And, or, you know, this, this, um, difficult thing happened in my childhood and I'm realizing how much it's really playing a role in my relationships. That's very different because, because they're identifying something that's happened in the past and they want my help to process it. They want my help to heal with it. And I've realized, you know, even through my own training and through coaching training, we get trained on what the differences are and when we can spot, you know, where we're in therapy territory and where we're in coaching territory. And so being able to navigate that. And so then I would tell the client, Or the potential client in this case, I really think that your first step might be therapy instead of coaching because you've, you've identified that you want help with these past things that have happened and help processing them. And so that, that's outside of my scope. Now, if you want to, if you want to focus on, you know, things that are happening in the future, then I can help you.

Yes.

And so I think that if you're navigating how you want support in 2023, And maybe you know with your mental health and your habits and your goals and your feelings, and like you know the very intimate parts of your daily life, and you're kind of in between therapy or coaching, I would I would encourage you to sit down and think about what are your expectations around that support? What are you really hoping to get? And I think that before you invest money in any kind of support. Get clear on kind of what those expectations are. I know that can be hard when you're in a difficult season, but if you aren't able to communicate that, or you're spending a lot of money and then 4 months in you're like, I'm not getting what I want. Well, are you, are you, do you have clarity on what you want?

Yes.

And, and can you communicate that to who you're wanting support from? If it's a coach or a therapist, and then you feel like your money and your time and your energy is going towards something that's really helping you.

Yes, definitely. That's so powerful. I really hope that this outline of like therapy and coaching is helpful for everyone that's listening. Um, and then we're also going to start diving into the tools that we have found really helpful, like in our mental health. So in the case that, say, perhaps the resources aren't there for therapy or the resources aren't there for coaching, there's still so many other things that you can be doing for your mental health now.

Totally.

Um, that you can start implementing. And so yeah, should we get started?

Let's do it. Yeah. What are— what's, um, what are 2 to 3 tools that you use, um, that are either low cost or no cost, um, that have helped you with your mental health?

I would say top one for me has been questions. So one thing that I identified in therapy, like I just mentioned, was I didn't really know myself well. I have codependent tendencies. So I'll lean into what other people want, and I've healed a lot in that through questions. So I have bought the We're Not Really Strangers deck of cards. They're pretty affordable. There's also the Best Self cards, but you can also find a lot of these prompts and questions for free online on Google or even on TikTok. And so I think the important part is our Stopping throughout the day and having some external factor ask me a question where I can stop and reflect.

Mm-hmm.

So for a while there, when I was in crisis mode, I would block out an hour or so and I would journal through multiple questions to really work through that. And then when I wasn't in crisis mode anymore, basically whenever I had dinner every night, I would get 2 or 3 questions. And it's almost like a date with myself. And I would just pause and answer those questions to myself. And just kind of keeping that practice going. And I still— it's still very much a part of my life and relationships. I get to know people through questions. I try to not assume, but I think the questions can sometimes— sometimes life gets so busy or so heavy that we don't take the time to step away and realize there's certain red check engine points. So when a question pops up and it feels heavy or it feels—

Itchy or sticky.

Itchy or sticky, you're like, whoa, what's going on there? Yeah, but if you're not creating some kind of catalyst for or space, then, um, it's not popping up as much. So that to me, for a huge season, was more beneficial than journaling because I didn't know how to journal. I didn't know— like, the questions helped me learn how to journal.

Okay. And like the prompts.

Yes. Yeah. And so now I would say it's a combination of both, like being able to journal through my feelings and thoughts and like, this is how, um, what I'm processing along with the questions.

I love that. I would say very similar to me, journaling, freehand journaling, um, has been helpful for me. So for my mental health, how I look at it In a frame of reference or like a tool, I guess, a framework is I look at mental health like energy. So like if I'm feeling anxious or if I'm feeling depressed, or maybe I'm in like a couple of weeks of a depressive cycle, I'm looking at that energy of like, how do I, how do I take care of this energy? How do I expend it? How do I release it? What do I need to hold onto? Um, so instead of thinking like something's wrong with my brain, right? I can't get rid of my brain. It's in my head.

Yes.

So I'm like, okay. Instead of looking like something's wrong with my head or my feelings are wrong, if I, if I shift my mental health or the anxious energy or the depressed energy I'm feeling, and I can look at it like an exchange, that's been really helpful for me. So like journaling, it's my way of releasing anxious energy or releasing unprocessed emotions. And by a blank page, for me, I see that as Freedom to go anywhere I need to go. So I just like let it all out and, and I feel a sense of fear of like, oh, well, what if someone reads this? And that's something that you'll also have to navigate as well.

Yes.

It's like keeping your journal in a private place or setting those boundaries with your partner of like, hey, this is my journal. And I, you know, if you see it on the counter, I'd appreciate if you didn't open it. Like, you know, just those kinds of things. I know that might be like. Um, an assumption of like, oh yeah, why would anyone do that? But sometimes it happens and it can feel very, um, uh, what's that, what's that word? Um, like violating. Violating. Yeah. So, you know, keeping your journal in a safe place and then being able to process that has been really helpful. And then another way of like releasing energy is movement.

Mm-hmm.

It's going to the gym, lifting heavy weights, especially whenever I'm like really in it, going through it. That is like the ultimate energy release to me where I'm like, look at how physically strong I am. I'm building my physical strength. I'm building my mental strength.

Yes.

And like, that really helps me release that energy. Even going on a walk or like, even if sometimes I'll go to the gym in the morning and then by the end of the workday, I'm feeling maybe anxious or frustrated or tired, going back out on a walk and being outside, having the sun hit my face. Like, those are free things. Um, and that, that has been really helpful of like releasing that kind of energy. Those are tools I use.

Yeah, that's so powerful. I think that being able to incorporate like the movement side of things, the physical release, was something that didn't click for me until therapy. Of like, because we were taught good or bad emotions rather than energy like you're mentioning. It's like, okay, I'm just going to shove this down and I'm just not going to bring it to the surface or even explore it because it feels scary and wrong.

Mm-hmm.

Rather than like, okay, I'm feeling this energy, so what can I do with this? Is it teaching me something? Is it just part of the process right now? Is it whatever it might be? And how can I steward myself well and not judge myself? Which I think is a really hard part of mental health. when we don't have the tools is we have these heavy emotions come through. And then on top of that, we judge ourselves, right? And then we're like, why aren't you feeling quote unquote normal? Why am I like this? And so being able to realize those feelings are neutral, and then how do we steward them moving forward is extremely helpful. Um, I would also add, and I'm still learning this, um, I tend to cope Very by myself. I don't want anyone to step into my area.

Totally.

And once I've coped through it and like figured out what was happening, then I'll be vulnerable and share what I was going through. But I'm learning how, A, to pick my people— who can I be safe with? And then 2, like, there's such a huge layer of healing that can happen when you let those safe people in that can really snap you out of sometimes those, those, um, like when your mind is spiraling. Yeah, I can tend to spiral in certain situations where it's, it's more of a trigger. I'm just like, okay, I'm just gonna run away from this. I'm just— I can't handle it. And when someone can walk me through and be like, hey, this is very valid that you're feeling this way, and it's gonna be— let's bring the context in. And it just feels like a, like a hug, right? And just really leaning on into that support system, right? And also like letting your ego— like, you don't have to figure it out by yourself. Yeah, you are— you need— you need your people is very helpful for me.

Yeah, I love that, especially the mention of the ego, because I think we want to protect our image or the perception of us. And like, we— at least I don't ever want anyone to see me as weak. Um, and so that's like a big thing thing for me is like, and something I've spent the majority of my 20s unraveling is like, vulnerability is strength. It's not a weakness. And even yesterday with naming things and leaning on your people when you're in it, I was feeling really, really anxious yesterday. I was curling my hair. We're getting ready to go to like a Christmas thing. And I, I mean, my heart was racing.

I know.

I was like, my, I was getting, my hands were kind of shaking as I was like, doing my hair and I was just feeling really, really overwhelmed and I was getting really angry. It was just me in the bathroom. Like no one was— there was no catalyst.

No.

And I went downstairs and I was eating leftovers that Matthew had kindly warmed up for me. And I was just sitting there and I was like, I named it. I was like, I'm feeling really anxious right now. And he was like, okay, did anything trigger it? And I was like, I think it's because I'm worried that we're going to be late and then this is going to happen and then this is going to happen and then this is going to happen. And he was like, okay, well, what can we do to like— what can we do to walk, like, talk through this? So we talked through it in 2 minutes, and then I was like, okay, I'm not feeling as anxious. It's not necessarily like that the anxiety goes away, it's just that because I have named that I was feeling anxious and got to the root of why I was feeling anxious, it like normalized it. And he was like, that's okay, like And then we kind of made a little plan and we communicated with people that we thought we might be late with. And then it was like, okay, it was like around disappointing someone, you know, around, you know, are they going to be mad or upset that we're late? And so it's like, even just something like that, that subconsciously sparks anxiety in your body.

Yes.

And then going unchecked, I probably could have gone hours feeling anxious, being nervous, being like, okay, how am I going to, what if someone gets upset? What am I going to do? How am I going to react? How are they going to react? So it's just really important to be able to lean on your support system in those times where you're not necessarily looking for you to like, help me process this massive trauma. Right. Um, that can sometimes be really outside of our community's ability to like help us through those things. Um, from a technical perspective, but in the moment I'm feeling really sad. I'm feeling really low. I'm feeling really anxious. Those are really helpful for you to like bring your people in with you.

Yes.

So that they can support you through that, talk with you through it, um, make a plan, or maybe just listen. Maybe there's no plan to be made. Um, but feeling like you're not alone in it can really help you, um, de-escalate a situation.

Yeah. And it's, um, a layer of acceptance, right? Like even in AA programs, like one of the first things they talk about is you have to say, I am so-and-so, and this is My, like, what I'm going through. And there's such power in acceptance and communicating it to safe people, right? So even the courage and strength that it took for you yesterday to not just, like, keep it all inside, yeah, and then just be really quiet in the car ride, you know, like, just being off, and be like, okay, I'm gonna be vulnerable and say and name that feeling can feel freeing, though the, like, the anxiety doesn't fully go away, but now it's like a layer of mental health and everyday practice that can be so beneficial. And just the way that you share that too, of how Matthew helped you and supported you through that, is very powerful and kind of like why we need to open up within our safe— and I keep saying safe, like, open up with just anyone, because that can end up being detrimental.

I completely agree. Yeah. It's empowering. And I think that sometimes mental health can feel disempowering. It makes us feel not confident. It makes us feel, oh, my anxiety makes me insecure. My depression makes me feel, you know, out of control. There's something about naming it, sharing it, saying it. We take back our power. We take back our confidence. And it doesn't make it go away.

Yeah.

It's not a quick fix, but it's, it's recognizing that we're taking ownership for our feelings. We're taking ownership for where we are. It's not that we did anything wrong. It didn't do— I didn't do anything to, to be depressed. You know, it, it's just what, what's happening in my brain.

Mm-hmm.

And because sometimes I can't look to a reason why, or, you know, take a magic pill and it goes away. Um, being able to have some sort of empowerment over it feels really good.

Yes.

You know, it's saying like, I'm recognizing that I'm in a depressive cycle. I've been here for a week and a half, and, um, I'm taking daily steps to work myself out of it, but I'm gonna keep leaning on my routine. I'm gonna keep talking to my partner about it. And like, I feel like it's not gonna own me.

Yes.

You know, and I think that is where we can Take back our power with mental health. And that's a tool in and of itself, is recognizing that, like, you are not your depression, you are not your anxiety, you are not your past trauma, you are not that thing that happened to you as a child that was completely out of your control. Like, those things become a part of your identity. And when you now can take that back, right, you can say, this happened to me, or I feel this way, or I struggle with this.

Yes.

It's a step in reclaiming your story and reclaiming your power so that you don't have to live in this state where life is happening to you.

100%. You know, and also being able to say, I deserve a great life. Absolutely. And because I deserve a great life, when these heavy feelings come up, this is how I want to take action. Yeah. And I just invite everyone that's listening to this to right now or after the podcast is over to think What are 3 things that you want to do when those heavy days come? Right. Because I think being able to have a plan prior to those feelings hitting you, and then when that happens, sticking to that promise to yourself, right? Like, I'm gonna reach out to a friend, I'm gonna get some movement in, and I'm gonna make sure I shower that day.

Oh, or mine's brush my teeth.

Yeah, brush your teeth.

Like, how are we, how are we like taking care of ourselves still whenever we're in it? I'm gonna take a bath, like whatever it is, but like having a plan, like you said, and also normalizing that, um, feelings do come and go and they are not permanent.

Yes, that's huge.

And your anxiety is not permanent. Your depression is not permanent. Your trauma is not permanent either, even though it's very much a part of your story. It's not permanent. Um, it's not concrete, you know, like you can turn anything into sand. If you decide to break it up and break it apart and like, let it, let it move its way through you. Right. And so I think like a lot of things that have happened in my life, and I'm curious, like if you feel the same, I've just felt like I've been walking around with concrete blocks on my feet.

Yes.

And it's like having tools, having a plan, getting support. It's like taking a jackhammer to that and being like, I can be free of this. Doesn't mean it leaves me. Right. It's always with me in a way, but I get to decide how fast I get to go through life. I get to decide where I get to go. And, you know, sometimes concrete blocks keeps you from going in different directions with your life that you want to go because you just feel stuck.

Yeah.

So it's like giving yourself freedom and that can be very hard. I'm not, I'm not trying to overhype, you know, just getting over things or, or the healing process. It can take us years, but the fact is, is like. Taking a step towards that every day, even if it's a small one, is very empowering.

Definitely. And realizing that healing comes in layers, whether you're healing through a big change and now you're mourning, like maybe you don't live close to your family, or maybe you had to switch careers and then now you don't have that anymore. Like whatever it is, we heal in layers. We don't just heal all at once and then check that box and then, well, it's been a year since that happened and why am I so crying? crying about it. It's like, give yourself the grace that because you cared so deeply about that person, that job, that situation, it's okay to still get sad about every once in a while. It's okay if you didn't spend the holidays with your family and you miss them and that feels heavy right now. Give yourself the space because how beautiful it is that we can feel. Sometimes we lock ourselves up so much.

Yeah.

And that actually happened to me, um, I was younger. It's like I lost my dad when I was 11, and then I was just in so much shock that I just like locked myself up and I couldn't feel for the longest time.

Hmm.

And so now, 10+ years later, when things happen and things feel so heavy and I can't seem to like get out of my head, I go back and I'm like, okay, this is also— if we love deeply, we hurt deeply. So I'm proud of the ways I loved. Let's just grieve it. Yeah. And move forward. So like, how can we invite the other aspects of your personality to, to what you're feeling? And sometimes there is no explanation, right? And that is just is, right? But just being able to process through that and like get a bigger lens can help us step out from that situation.

Yeah, I— that's beautiful. I also think it's important to look at what kind of content you're consuming online as well. That's another tool is how could social media or your environment be making you anxious or be negatively impacting your mental health? So that's something too that you could use as a tool to recognize, okay, I've made a lot of plans this weekend. I've had a really difficult week. What can I cancel? What can I say no to? That, you know, is out of love for taking care of myself. Or I recognize that whenever I'm around this certain friend group, it really spikes my anxiety. I find this situation very triggering. How can I set some boundaries around that? And so that's another element of mental health is like boundaries and the choices that you make and, and how, how can you preserve your energy, protect your peace, um, in a loving way. But also in a firm way. Yeah. You know, and that's something that I've tried to, to kind of, um, emulate is like kind but firm. Yeah. And I always thought that by saying no or setting boundaries, that was always shown as like being mean, you know, or not being loving. Um, and for me, it's like the kindest thing I can do is to say no in this situation.

Yes.

And so giving yourself the freedom to say no and to set boundaries around your time and around what you want instead of pleasing everyone else around you. You know, maybe you need support in that. Tell a friend, hey, I, I want to stop overcommitting myself this year. You know, will you help hold me accountable for that? And sometimes those overcommitments, that full calendar impacts your mental health. It impacts your anxiety. It, it like, it can feel very, very overwhelming.

100%.

So even if something is like your time management, How does that impact your, your mental health? So another tool is like looking at your calendar and looking at how you're spending your time and what you're consuming and what environment you're in. And that can really impact those things as well. Yeah. It's not only just like your past trauma, it's what's happening right now.

The daily action. Totally. 100%. Yeah, 100%. And I think too, like adding to that specific tool, like you said, having that mini audit. perhaps even every Sunday.

Yeah.

Like, that's an actionable thing where you can say, what were the things that caused me the most stress, the most anxiety? Why did they? Is it like, you know, sometimes growth can be stressful. And so you're like, okay, this is just a part of the process. How can I support my mental health when I'm in a growth season? So you— we wanna balance out a little bit of like rest with that push through. Um, or like the friend group and the anxiety, like all of those things. But I still think it's so important to stop, whether it's, you know, midweek, once a week, once a month, and, and look back and say, okay, what is affecting my mental health? And what actions can I take to minimize that?

Right? Yeah. I definitely think that we, again, like taking back our power and that, that confidence piece comes with how we spend our time. And like re— kind of retraining our brain that life's not happening to us, especially when we're in a low season. We don't really feel like we're in control of a lot. And so even something as simple as like that audit of your calendar and looking at how you're spending your time can really help, help you turn things around.

Yeah.

You know, help you feel like you're— you play a big role in your life.

Yeah.

We're not in control of everything, right? We can't control everything.

Yeah.

But we can control how we Um, how we make decisions, our actions, our behavior. We can't even always control our thoughts, even though we want to. Um, but just looking at what, what can I control? What can I not control? How can I release these things? Um, I really enjoyed this conversation.

It's been great. It's been so, so great. I want to add one more thing.

Yes, please.

The practical side, um, that you were sharing, it's on the lines of like the time management. So what other things that aren't like big T trauma or small t— small trauma of like, um, for example, one thing that brings me anxiety, and I've realized that, is if my house is messy.

Yes.

I get so anxious. That's something that I didn't realize that beforehand. So time management, um, organization, your environment, your people, your job, you know, are you in the right field? Like, is it really where you're supposed to be? So just being able to look at those daily habits Um, even your food, your alcohol consumption can really trigger the anxiety too. So really like doing that audit, um, every once in a while, and not none of those just huge things, but also those small things, I think can be very beneficial. So, um, but yeah, this has been so fun.

Yeah, I really like this theme, like the health and wellness. Next week we are talking about spiritual Spiritual health. So I'm excited about that conversation.

Um, me too.

I know that we are in different places right now in our spirituality. And so I'm looking forward to like, I know that at the beginning of the new year, you can have this sense of like, where is my relationship with God? Do I believe in God? Like, where do I prioritize this? And, um, I'm excited to, for us to make time to have a deeper conversation around that. You know, as you're listening, like, what does it look like for you? And, and what relationship do you want to have with your spirituality, with your faith? How does that play a role in your values and in your decision-making? So I think it's a, it's an important topic, even though I'm nervous to talk about it.

It's gonna be great. It's gonna be great.

Well, thank you so much for being here. We're excited about everything that 2023 has in store for you, has in store for the podcast and us individually. If you resonated with this episode, we would love for you to screenshot your podcast player, jump over to Instagram and tag us @inbetween.pod. And you can always reach out to me personally @AlexisTeichmiller.

Or me @astrojohannaphoto.

And we will see you next week.