Traveling with Friends: Setting Expectations, Communicating Your Needs, and Budgeting!!

Welcome to The In Between Podcast. I'm Astrid.

And I'm Alexis. And we're 2 best friends on a journey to living a fun, intentional life.

We know it's easier to share on a season of life once it's behind you, but what about when you're in the middle of the growth, confusion, and decision-making?

This lifestyle podcast is for the everyday gal who loves to travel, talk about business, relationships, fashion, and everything in between.

All right, friends, welcome back to Welcome back to another episode of The In Between Podcast. I am one of your hosts, Astrid.

And I'm the other host, Alexis.

And today we are chatting all things travel with friends, which, as you guys might know if you follow us online, we love to travel together. We've done quite a few trips overall together now too, so we're excited to share what we've learned.

Yeah, because if there's one thing that you know about Astrid and I is that we love to travel and we love to travel together. So I'm really excited about this episode because, um, I think there are lots of tips and nuances to traveling with your friends. And hopefully by the end of this episode, you'll walk away with a couple of things, especially around the holidays. You're seeing friends for the first time. And I know, like, for me, I'm already in 2023 trip planning. I'm like, okay, what's coming up? I love it. What's coming up in 2023? So it's like being intentional about taking that time with your friends. And then how do you actually have a good time where it's like, you, one, does the, does the trip actually make it out of the group text? And then 2, it's like you finally get there in person and you're like, okay, how do we actually have a good time? You have all these different personality types, these different expectations, different budgets. So I'm excited about this topic. It's been on the, it's been in the queue for us to talk about honestly since we started the pod.

Yes. Which it's perfect timing. And we didn't really plan that much far out, but this week we are traveling together to New York and it is my first time in New York. So I am so excited. It's not a work trip for either one of us. We're just going to have some fun. We've got lots of things planned out that actually Alexis planned out. She's like, I've got the itinerary, just back off, Astrid. So.

I definitely asked you what you wanted to do. Yes, yes, you did. Yes, you did. Whenever Astrid and I traveled to Miami last November, she planned the whole itinerary. And so it's been kind of cool, like bouncing back and forth. I love that. I feel like that was one of the reasons why Miami was so fun was because I didn't have to do any of the planning. Yeah.

You're like, tell me where I need to show up. 10 PM dinner, done. Yeah.

You're like, what, what level of club is this? And, uh, what should I wear? Is this clubby enough? And what's our criteria?

Okay.

Gosh.

We are so excited to share this podcast with you. And also, just a little side note, you know how you said like, does the, um, does the trip plan actually come out of the group text? I feel like the modern-day version of that— not, I mean, it was still modern— but is, does it ever come out of the TikTok DMs? Like, do you ever just send each other like, look at Switzerland, let's go to Switzerland?

Yes, for sure. Or like, I've been getting all of this content around Paris lately, and I'm like, I want to go to Paris, I want to go to Paris. And then last night, Matt and I turned on a movie and it was freaking set in Paris, and I didn't even know that. It was like, okay, well, Alexis is going to Paris in 2023, I think.

Yes, that's amazing. Well, before we get started with the travel tips, um, let's go ahead and do our in-betweens for the week. Do you want to go ahead and start?

Let's do it. I would love to start. So, um, if You— this is your first time listening to the podcast, welcome. We always start each episode with sharing what we're in between, name of the show, as well as we're always constantly in between something in our lives. And if you have been listening the last couple episodes, you know that the last couple of weeks my mental health has been pretty low and just navigating being in a bit of a depressive cycle. And, um, I'm in between getting Like moving forward out of that and like feeling mentally so much better. And some things that have genuinely helped is journaling. I was I had built such a strong journaling habit in like 2020 or 2018, 2019, 2020, and then in 2021 it just kind of dropped off. And I'm not even kidding; just writing down how I'm feeling in a journal helps so much. It just gets it out of my head and onto paper. It feels like a release to me. It also feels like I'm like validating my feelings too by actually stating how I feel. And that has just been a really helpful process for me. And then also Matthew and I started a new goal setting like structure that I learned from one of my friends, Olivia Mentor, who I absolutely love. She's a fantastic follow on social media. But she like picks a goal and then she'll pick how many times she wants to do it for the month. So, for example, I have a no TV goal. How many days in the month of November can I not watch TV? And I have 12 bubbles that I'm trying to fill for the month.

Love that.

So far, I have literally filled 1 and it's the 7th. So, I have 11 more days this month that I'm trying not to watch TV. Hopefully, I'll tick a couple off in New York. But that is the premise is instead of looking at goals like a daily thing, Or like a weekly thing. It's stepping back and looking at them from a monthly perspective, which I really love. And it's not as binary of like, I have to do this, or just, I don't do the habit. It's looking at it from, okay, I'm trying to hit this amount every month, and then giving yourself the freedom and flexibility to do it when you can in that monthly period. And it has just been so helpful for me. So, I'm in between like coming out of such a negative headspace and trying to use these tools that I know work for me to like continue to move forward and try to just be in a healthier, more positive, loving headspace. So that's been working and I'm loving it and I just hope it continues.

Yes. I love that. Thank you so much for sharing. And it's been really... Beautiful to see your journey week by week and how vulnerably you've shared on the podcast too, since we record these pretty much in real time. Um, and, you know, being in those weeks where you're just like, I don't have any answers, this is just how I feel and that's it. And then now you're in a week where you're like, here's what I've learned, here's what's working right now for me. And that's so powerful.

Yeah.

And I also think it's really cool how There's— what I'm hearing is this level of acceptance first, with the journaling portion of letting everything out and validating those feelings and giving space to them. Because sometimes our mind can feel so cluttered and so full of different things— what you got to do next, what you're feeling, what you're planning for. But paper, it's like, okay, I'm intentionally sitting down to write everything there, and it can provide so much clarity. And that's— Honestly, I haven't journaled as much lately. And just hearing you walk through that, I'm like, I'm going through so many changes right now that I feel like I also need to pick that back up to really digest through those thoughts and feelings. And I think I do that a lot when I go for walks, but just being able to take that extra step of then writing it down is so powerful.

Yeah.

And even that layer of going back a few months later and seeing how you navigated this and how you grew from it. And that's something that I've been looking back on, that 2020 was such a hard year for me, and I wish I would have journaled more because right now I wish I had more journals to go back to and be like, oh yeah, that happened. This is how I felt. This is how I navigated it.

Yeah.

So yeah. And I love the goal setting that you shared because It's almost like it's just a 1-month window and it's less overwhelming.

Yeah.

You don't have to— it's not like I have to do this every day. And then if you stop 1 day or you're tired 1 day, you don't feel like a failure.

Right.

Because we can be so horrible to ourselves and our worst critic. So if you look at it on a month basis, you're like, okay, 12 days out of the month, I can do that. And so that's really cool. I love hearing that right before the new year too, where a lot of people tend to start new habits and goals.

Yeah, it's like, what can you start looking at now? Maybe that can be a podcast episode that we do of like, what can you kind of look at now before the new year and trying to implement certain things or even stop doing things that we do? We have so much pressure that, that comes with the month of January. How could we start introducing some things now, um, that might help us not feel that pressure in the new year.

But what about you?

What are you in between right now?

I'm in between a lot, girl. Um, okay, the one that like pops out right away is— so right now I am relearning to trust myself in areas where I've been hurt before, and that can just be really hard to navigate. And my heart goes out to anyone that has had to go through this. And perhaps I feel like maybe all of us have, whether it's, you know, you were going to take a test in a career that you want and then you failed it and then now you got to take it again, like relearning to trust yourself that you can do it, or in your career or friendships or romantic relationships. It's just hard to re-trust. And so that's kind of where I'm at right now. It's— I've healed a lot. I've grown through a lot. I've gained almost this muscle of resilience and trust. But then when you step back into similar scenarios that you were in before where that hurt happened, it can just trigger so much. And suddenly you feel like, okay, can I do it? Can I not? And so it's taken a lot of energy and it's been really beautiful to walk through because I can walk myself back through Yes, I am capable. Yes, I now have these tools. Let's move forward. We have people around us. We have so many things that this situation is completely different. But, and it's really hard to still feel those feelings all over again and walk through those triggers and grow from them and not just completely shut down because it's associated to so much hurt. So that's, that's where I'm at.

Thank you for sharing that. And it also, something that you said that really resonated was, um, it's almost like you are not only just retrusting, but you're giving yourself permission to be a different person now than who you were in the hurt. And like, whether it's a failed test or the being fired from a job or a relationship, like whatever it is that felt so hurtful or like a failure or a piece of you kind of broke from that experience. It's recognizing that like you're also a different person now because of walking through that. And I think that we don't give ourselves enough credit. And I think that's where like that trust does come in is like, yes, I know that this feels very triggering. And yes, I know I've been hurt in this way before, but I'm a different person.

Mm-hmm.

Like, and, and how I handle this is going to be different, and how I navigate this is going to be different. And like giving yourself permission to, to change. But it's like we do get stuck in that old default of like, well, this happened to me and this is just like a part of me. Yes, it's a part of you, but it's like we sometimes revert back to that version of ourselves when we walked through it. And it's like, how do you give yourself the permission to just So good.

And it's almost like that moment where you do get the permission to be yourself, when you are triggered in an area, it's almost like your old self wants to step in and be that. And so for me, for example, I just, I didn't want to speak up. And so like, that would be like kind of like shut down, close up, because that's my defense mechanism of just like protect, right?

Mm-hmm.

And so then in that split second, I'm also processing and be like, no, that's not who I am now.

Right.

Now I communicate my feelings, I speak up, and how they respond is not my responsibility. It is their responsibility. And so just really taking ownership of my own voice, which I didn't really have before. And so it can be kind of exhausting, honestly, because you're noticing the trigger, you're noticing your old self pop back up, then you're choosing, then you're facing yourself in this new situation. Like, Your new self in a new situation. And then you do the thing and you're like, oh, okay, I did it. And then you're like, what's next?

Who's next? Yes. Honestly, seriously, that's a really good point is awareness and then shifting the awareness into action can be really tiring. And I think that there's so much rah-rah around it, like become more aware and do self-healing. And yes.

All of that.

And also, it's tiring.

It sucks. I need a nap.

I need a nap from all my healing. Yeah, for sure.

Yeah.

I'm proud of you for, for recognizing that, knowing that you're walking into a season where triggers are going to come up and like just taking it day by day, giving yourself a lot of grace and empathy in a new season. And that's all that you can do. And sometimes I think when you're in these seasons where you're trying to grow and you're feeling stretched, it's like, I should be doing more. I should be doing more. What else can I be doing to make this better?

Yeah.

And it's like, just take it day by day. You're doing everything that you can.

Yes. Yes. Thank you so much for that. I hope that this helps anyone out there that's also feeling all those feelings. And one of the things too that happens with me is I've noticed I want to overconsume content on that specific thing to try to get ahead of it and be like, I know now, you know, and it's like, no, you can't rationalize your feelings. So yeah, if you're doing this, I'm calling you out too. I feel that.

I feel that. Like, some specifically, Matthew and I were talking about this, like, things will be really going really well in our relationship and I'll be like, is there more I could be doing? Is there more I could be doing to like make us more connected and for us to have more fun and for me to be even more like emotionally in tune with you? And like, it's like, always trying to up the ante on myself in the relationship to overcompensate for my fear of something going wrong. And I am trying. I am in the middle of trying to heal that tendency because it's really just a trigger that's manifesting from something else because I'm just scared that something's going to happen. And so I'm like, okay, how can I just up the ante every single day?

Make it better, better. Retweet. It's like you're in a boot camp. You're like, today we're doing Tomorrow we're gonna have fun. Literally.

Now we will look romantically into each other's eyes. Like, it's like, okay, let's just chill out. Just like live a life and just— you're okay.

Oh, this is the raw and real, friends, and this is exactly why we love this podcast, just sharing the real conversations that we have as friends in life.

I legit forgot we were recording. I was just like, we're just Let's go on into it. Um, okay, I thank you for coming to this part of the podcast. Let's dig into the topic. Let's dig into the topic. Okay, traveling with friends. Traveling with friends. Where do we want to begin here? I feel like you always set the tone.

I set the tone.

You set the pace. Where should we go?

Where should we go first?

Oh my gosh.

Okay. Um, I would love for us to share what we went through this morning as we were planning a little bit for New York. Mm-hmm.

Let's do it. I think this is a great example of like one, just communicating in friendships, but specifically around like trips and expectations. So this morning I was— I just finished journaling and I sent Astrid a text message and I was like, hey, okay, between now and like Wednesday or Thursday, if you have some time, I'd love for, um, you to think about like what are your goals for the podcast? What are some dreams you have? What are things that we want to do to grow the podcast? And kind of set a vision for 2023, like what's next for the show. And I was like, yeah, okay, that's going to be great. We're together, we're going to be in New York. I can't wait to talk about business stuff. And I will, mind you, I also journaled around how much I just wanted this trip to be focused around friendship time too, because So much of when Astrid and I do talk is very like, you know, she photographed my retreat and like we're working on the podcast. Like it's very businessy a lot of the time, not always, but like the majority of our interactions the last couple months have been like very business focused. So I like put that out there, I sent the text and then you go now. How did you feel when you read the text? Were you like, oh God?

Well, I think that's where it comes, the awareness, right? So when I read the text, I felt this heaviness and I was like, why do I feel heavy reading that? I was like, I love goal setting. Like, anybody that asks me, I'm like, when do we start? And so I just kind of took a second to process and I'm like, it's too much for me right now in this season. And perhaps if you would have asked me last week when I was feeling a little bit more caught up with work and all that stuff, I would have been like, done, let's do it in New York. And then I would have had to follow up. This week. But basically, I just paid attention to those feelings. And then I just decided, you know what, I'm going to communicate to her that right now between Monday and Wednesday, my schedule is slammed. And one thing that happens to me too is if I know I have some kind of meeting, or I'm going to do some kind of shoot, I can't mentally clock out until that thing happens as well. And I'm working through it, it's gotten better. But I recognize that about myself. And I didn't want to be in still business mode, still half in, half out until we did that meeting or get together in New York to plan everything. And as my planner self too, I knew I would want to take notes and ask questions and just be intentional about our time together. And so, yeah, so I just pretty much voice messaged her back and I was like, hey, I love this. This sounds amazing. And could we possibly do this perhaps virtually next week or even next month whenever you're in town? This is how I'm feeling. This is where I'm at. And if we're going to set goals and dreams and do all of that, I want to go into it with energy. I want to go into it with excitement. I feel like that's also respectful of your time, respectful to our project. And so I felt like the most important thing for me to do was to take responsibility for how I was feeling in that moment and perhaps how I would show up to that.

Mm-hmm.

And just share it overall instead of overextending myself and just being like, I can push through, I can do it. And I— could I have done it? Sure. But I wouldn't have relaxed as much. And so I think another important thing that I had mentioned in the voice message was I just want my friend Alexis. Like, I just want to have girl time. And so like she mentioned, we've done a lot of business interactions in the past few months. And we're really good at compartmentalizing. And because of that, we haven't had as much of that girl time. So I spoke up and I was like, I need my friend. So yeah.

No. And then I listened to that and I want to say something too that I think is really important. Like when you're communicating that Astra didn't just say no, she just said like, hey, yes, this is important. Let's do this at another time. Like let's schedule another time to do it. And here's kind of why I'm feeling this way. And by walking me through it, I was like, oh yeah, totally. This makes so much sense. My empathy flicked on immediately. I was like, absolutely, no problem. We were immediately on the same page because you took the time to actually communicate how you were feeling. And I don't think that you always owe everyone an explanation by any means, but it was just like because you were sharing how things were going at work and you're like, hey, there's something I have that the mental capacity and time in the next couple days to do this because of this, this, and this. I was like, no problem, totally understand. So I think like, if when you're in close relationship with your friends, being able to share with them where you're at with certain things can also really give you an inside perspective where you're not going to be upset if someone says no or cancels or whatever, because like you're in tune with that person, you have empathy for them, and you're like, You know, you're able to see it from their perspective.

I think that's important. And I also loved that you shared that with me prior to the trip, because I'm someone who needs a little bit of time to process and then feel the feeling, ask myself why, and then I can have a response on perhaps why I'm having resistance, but it doesn't come immediately. And so if perhaps you were having these hopes and dreams, you're like, we're going to be together, Let's do this. And then we show up to New York and you're like, how about tomorrow we have a goal setting meeting and everything? Like, I'm sure we would have worked through it just fine, but I would have also had those feelings. I would have, I would have had like an hour or 2 of like processing, like, why does this not feel okay? And then it would just kind of throw things off. So I think it's just important to communicate expectations. If you have a hope and dream for the trip, communicate that out. And also things can change. Like this could have been planned to a little bit ago and then week of comes, I would have still had to reach out and be like, hey, actually this is where I'm at. This is how I'm feeling. Can we pivot? Would that be okay? And kind of go from there.

Yeah. And I think it kind of getting more into like the traveling elements when you're in the planning stages, like leading up to traveling with your friends. I want to actually split this into 2 things. Let's say you've never traveled together before. And then let's say you've traveled with the same people over and over again. If you've never traveled with someone before, I think it's really important to talk about where are you at with your budget and what are your expectations for the trip? What are important things that that person wants to do? So it's like, are they planning it? Are you planning it? Who's planning it? That's a big thing. Who is booking? Like, okay, we're all going to book our flights in the same, in the same week. Okay, we're all going to, um, one person's going to book the Airbnb or the hotel, and then we're going to pay this person back by this date. Like, getting specific around those kinds of little logistics can sometimes be difficult because no one— either no one wants to take charge or everyone wants to take charge.

Mm-hmm.

So I think it's good to know, like, who is responsible for what, and can you split those responsibilities. But knowing like, is this person a morning person or are they a night owl? Like for me, like when I wake up, coffee is in my hand within 20 minutes of waking up unless I'm going to the gym. Like I know that I'm going to want coffee in the morning. And so I'm going to prioritize that. And so as long as I'm like communicating that to whoever I'm traveling with, it's like, let's go get a green juice or a smoothie and like a coffee or like, Let's get like 7 beverages. But yeah, like, I'm like, I know that's going to be really important to me. And so I— what's important to you? Like, oh, I don't drink coffee, I drink tea. Great. Now I know that whenever we're looking at cafes, like, do they have a good tea list? Like, even little things like that where you are being conscientious of the people in, in, um, your travel group based on like their own preferences. I think that's something that can get lost in the shuffle. When you're planning a trip that's maybe greater than 2 people.

Yeah, I love that you brought that up. And I was smiling because I remembered our trip to Colorado. So set the scene. Alexis has been in town for maybe like a month, and then she's like, we should go together. Oh, in Illinois. Yes, in Illinois. And we had— I think at that point we were just like really developing our friendship because it was in person.

Yeah.

And then you're like, do you want to go to Colorado together? You want to travel? And I was like, Yeah, let's do it.

I don't really know you that well, but sure.

This would be a great way to get to know each other.

Yeah.

Uh, which it was, and we were so excited. We planned for quite a few months until end of September was when our trip was. And I still remember on our way to the airport, you were walking me through these questions and I was like, you know what? Nobody's asked me this before. This is so funny.

Did I make a list?

Well, um, I don't think you had a list, but I think you had a mental list. Like, it felt like you were going through—

I was like, I should have probably talked to you about it maybe before we were on our way to the airport, but it's fine.

No, but it was, it was great though, because whenever you did that, and once we were actually in the trip, I realized how seamless everything felt. So I remember you asking about, are you a morning person or a night person? And then do you like something about time? And I was like, I usually run late. And you're like, okay, so I need to give you like a fake time. And I'm like, yes.

And it worked great.

And we were ready.

Yeah, like how long does it take you to get ready? Um, oh, what was another question that I usually ask is like, um, oh, I think we talked about movement.

And then I was like, oh, I would love to do some hiking. And then at that time you were like, I don't want to do hiking hiking, but like we can go on walks. And I was like, okay, perfect, like that sounds totally fine.

I think that's another element too is like How much physical activity do you want to do? Um, and even down to like, when it comes to activities, how many activities do you want to do? Like depending on where you're going in those excursions, do you want to have a busy packed schedule or do you want time where you're like relaxing and just chilling and like there's no schedule? Like there are specifically 2 days in New York that are like pretty free for all. Um, they're just kind of like flowy, just walk wherever we want.

Love it.

stop wherever we want. Um, and then there are days that are more structured. And I think like that's how we work. But going through that with your friends and, or whoever you're traveling with to know like how do they like to travel best. Some people want to know exactly what they're doing from the moment they wake up to the moment that they go to bed because they're trying to squeeze like everything into the trip. And some people are like, oh, this is just kind of a vacation vibe. Like I just kind of want to chill. And it's like, cool. I'm glad we know that so that we're not—

Yes.

All wanting different things, and then you get upset and you get resentful, and you're like, "This person." So yeah, you know it happens internally. You might not say it, but like by not communicating it, you're honestly opening a door for like resentment and negative feelings towards your friend or someone. But like that's honestly your responsibility to communicate like your expectations.

Yeah, for sure, for sure. I think that's like the biggest key for traveling with friends is like you have to communicate. And it is their responsibility to deal with that side of things. One thing that I love that you do as well is being, okay, we're going to travel to this one spot. And what are your must-dos? What are things that you're like, I absolutely want to go to this restaurant or this place? And I feel like that is awesome because everyone's on the same page. If you just kind of go off the cuff, you get maybe a little anxious of like, well, are we even going to make it to the Brooklyn Bridge? You know, are we even gonna make it to this restaurant? And then it can feel, for people who are more planners, the free-flowers can feel— make them feel anxious because it's like, we might never get there.

Yeah.

And then a plan for the free-flowers, they make it seem like this is so stressful, right? But if you can both communicate like, hey, I want some time just free, like we'll just kind of roam around, and then these are the spots that we really want to visit, so here's a scheduled time. There's a good balance for everyone. Everyone's communicated what they want to see. They're all excited about the trip because we're making sure that those spots are getting, you know, visited. And I just think it makes for a better experience for sure.

Yeah. And I, something that really helps when I'm planning trips with friends is I'll have a running list of potential options that, that like I can, because sometimes when you're in the moment and you're in a new city, you feel a little overwhelmed and you're like, there's actually so many things that we can do. I, I don't know. And then sometimes you feel like you need to make a decision or someone needs to make a decision. And like past me has already made a list of like potential brunch places, potential coffee shops, potential dinner places, potential activities. And so then it takes the list of like 100 down to here are 5 options. What would we like to choose from? And that can really help to having a running list instead of like maybe a structured schedule. Just having options can really help. And also know, um, is the city that you're going to— are they more reservation-based? Like, we went— oh my gosh, whenever Jess and I were in Portugal, we got all dressed up. I found this really cute place on TikTok in Lisbon. I was so excited. We were like— had like really fun fancy outfits on, and we like walk into this restaurant. I was like, I saw this on like the top list, so excited. We get in and they're like Yeah, we're reservation only. Like no walk-ins ever. Like literally only reservations.

Oh no.

And me knowing me, I was so mad at myself. I was like, I should have known this. Like, cause I feel like I researched so much, but we just pivoted and it was super fun. Um, and it was okay. We ended up actually finding a completely different area of the city that we never would have stumbled upon. And it was great, but it's like even those little nuances of You might have something on a list that you want to try, but is it reservation-based? Whereas like brunch, lunch, and cafes are a lot more drop-in. Whereas like dinner, I feel like you need to have reservations. So that's my opinion on that. There's nothing more stressful than traveling for me. For me, there's nothing more stressful than traveling with people who have such great expectations and like they have good intentions, but there was no like No one actually ever booked the thing. Like, oh yeah, I've, I've been on vacations where like no reservations were made. And then you're in the moment and you literally don't have any options because you're like, well, I don't know what to do because—

You're like Taco Bell.

Yeah, literally like Subway. Like, it's my worst nightmare, which is fine. I mean, it's, it's okay. But those things, I think through communication can be, and like a little bit of planning can be avoided.

Yeah, and not only on the side of like, was there a reservation or what are your preferences, but also what about weather? So when we were in Miami, we had so many plans and then it rained like 3 out of the 4 days while we were there.

I don't even remember that because I had such a good time.

I don't even remember it. And you were like sick for some of it too. So we kind of had to like, yeah, we had to pivot on plans. And I think that was an important thing. As well. It's like, of course we were excited to be there. We're like, it's Miami, and, um, I grew up there. We want to do all these things, but there's nothing worse than being sick on a trip. And you were a true trooper. But also I was like, okay, do you want a nap? Like, I think you need a nap.

You need to lay down. Yeah.

And so—

Which I did.

Be able to be flexible and be like, okay, like, things happen. If I was sick, you would have been like, dude, go nap. Like, For sure. But there's people who would have gotten upset at that. Um, but when it comes to the planning side of things, having that running list also, if rain happens, if you're in a beach area, like now you can't do it, what are your backup options of things to do? Um, and so I had one broken down per area of Miami and it was like easier for us to kind of pivot once we needed to.

Yeah. And you bringing up the nap situation is actually a really good point too. When you're traveling with friends. Sometimes people need alone time, they need extra space, they, you know, maybe they're not used to like literally doing everything with someone and you're on a 5-day trip. And I think just like honoring what you might need or what your friend might need in the moment too, because those are things you can't plan for. Uh, or just being like, hey, you know, I am just feeling really anxious, or I am feeling Um, really sleepy and like, this is what I need right now, but I don't want that to impact you. I don't want that to impact your plan. And so I'm gonna, I'm gonna take an extra hour of sleep. If you want to go out, go get coffee, go for a walk, do whatever you want. Like, I, I don't expect you to stay with me.

Yes.

And I also want to honor that this is what I need for my body, whatever. So I think that's like a big part of travel that can be kind of hard and like sticky to navigate. What do you think?

Oh, for sure. Especially because you're in the moment and perhaps you had already expectations of that day. But I think overall just keeping, just being empathetic and be like, okay, we're going to have an overall better time if each of us communicates what you need. So if you need a nap later on, we're going to have a way better dinner and we're going to go out and have fun. If you didn't take that nap, you'd be falling asleep at dinner and being like, I'm tapping out, right? But that was like your responsibility to communicate that. And I think sometimes when we're so excited to see our friends, we're like, we want all their time. And just being— coming back to like, okay, I want all of your energy. So it's like, if they, you know, need that, like, that's perfectly fine, right?

Yeah.

And so taking some time for you to also enjoy The area. And that reminded me of when we took the trip to Destin area, 230A.

Oh, 230A.

In March, we stayed there for a whole week and we did not do everything together by any means. Like, I worked out on my own schedule, you worked out on your own schedule. We communicated like, okay, after when you were done with work, that's when we hang out. But the rest of the time we were just on separate pages. And I think both you and I are people who are very social and need alone time. So when you're traveling for an extended period of time, like, I would get anxious. Not with you. I'm just saying, like, thinking of traveling with someone that wants to spend all of their time with me and not give me any space, that gives me so much anxiety. So being able to communicate that and know what personality type you're with as well.

Yeah, I think that's a good point. And like, look at the— what's that person's openness? Are they curious? Are they open-minded? Like, that's another thing that can really impact, like, even down to food, like what food you might try or like, oh, we're going to go to this really cool, like, Mediterranean place. And I've never had that before and I'm so excited. And someone might be like, I do not want to eat that kind of food or like, I don't want to try that kind of food. And so it's like even down to that of like, what kinds of foods are you into can really help navigate those things upfront. And just knowing like, oh yeah, I know that they have an allergy or do they have gluten-free options? Just that extra mile when you're traveling with people, being really understanding of what's going to make it a good trip for them, what's going to make it a good trip for you. And even if it's like, hey, I love you. Let's go to a cafe and read together. Or you work on your laptop, I'll work on my laptop, but we can still hang out. But I need some time. on my phone. Or literally Jess and I, whenever we would travel, we would be like, okay, love you. And then we just wouldn't talk for 2 hours and we would sit on our phones and edit photos. I would talk to Matt. We would be texting. We would have the TV on, but we wouldn't be talking to each other. And even proximity, you're in the same hotel room, but you just also need space. That is also another thing to just be like, hey, I'm just going to edit photos. Love you. Let's we can like listen to some music, but like I'm gonna focus on like this, or I'm gonna put my headphones in and listen to TikTok. It's like no worries. Like totally get it. So I think like recognizing that your people are coming from really positive places, it can help you not feel so hurt when someone's like, "I need to go take a walk," or like, "I need to da da da." So it's not personal.

Yes, it's not personal at all. And I think that's the important part of even choosing who you want to travel with. Like Do you feel like they're going to be mature enough to handle these emotional situations where perhaps sometimes there's triggers that happen on trips? There's like, you're doing real life together. There's triggers, there's situations, there's hardship. I mean, you've handled quite a few in different trips of situations that have been really hard.

Being robbed.

Being robbed.

Yeah.

And so just making sure that who you're traveling with is meant for that. I remember one thing that you told me when we first started being friends, and you're like, not all friends are travel friends. Like, there's people that I can travel with, and there's friends who I just want to hang out with them when we're at home and like go to dinner and do these things. And it doesn't mean that the relationship is bad or anything. It's just not a travel clique. It's not a compatibility.

Mm-hmm.

And that's okay. But I think being able to kind of keep that in mind. And I think overall, I feel like the theme of this podcast as we've been chatting has been how can you seek true connection together? Like, what is the goal of the trip? And if you're traveling with friends, you're wanting to connect together and you're wanting to enjoy the trip, or even setting intentions before you go on the trip. Like, I want to, you know, it's like a high energy trip. I want to go hike and canoe and walk and do all these things, or The intention is to relax together and enjoy and take it nice and easy, all of that stuff. But overall, if you're choosing to travel with people, there's a big element of connection. So that's where the empathy can come in if they get sick, if they have a food allergy, whatever it might be. And our ego and ourselves can kind of back down a little bit more.

Yeah, that's such a good point. And I think that knowing, knowing that energy, that chemistry that you have when you travel with someone, is knowing like you might have several close friends, but maybe their values aren't like one of their values might not actually be travel. Like, and that's something that I've come across. Like, I value travel so much. It's one of my top 3 values is new experiences. And I believe that relationships grow at a higher rate when you're experiencing something new together. You're creating new memories, and it's not—it's not that you can't grow in other ways. But I think like gosh, when Matt and I got back from Europe for three weeks together traveling, seeing new things, experiencing new things every single day, I literally felt like our souls were connected. Like we just had like we connected on a whole new level because of what we had experienced together. And when you're in the day to day and you're in your life and you're in your career. You know, it's not monotonous, but you are, you have your routine, you're doing the same thing over and over again. And I think like some of my favorite memories with you are when we've been exploring and experiencing new things together. And I think when you have a friend who doesn't see that, who doesn't maybe want to do that, and that's okay.

Mm-hmm.

And I think like it's not anything against them. There's no judgment there. It's just recognizing that you have different values and look at different ways you can connect. So maybe that's going to a yoga class together. Maybe that's like, you know, going to a play or a concert together in the same city. Those are the ways that you're building those new experiences. Maybe it's just not trips and traveling together, and that's okay.

Yes, for sure. For sure. I also think, kind of thinking back to our trips, to having intentional conversations. And they don't always have to be so heavy and deep. But I think just realizing the point of each trip too is like to connect together. So being like, hey, what's been your favorite thing that you've experienced in the last month? Or what's like the most exciting thing that you've bought lately that you're like stoked about? So anything as light as that to anything deeper as like, hey, just kind of read the mood, right? Like you're not going to be in the middle of the bar and be like— How's your mental health? How's your healing journey?

Oh my gosh. By the way, something I did buy recently that you influenced is I bought my very first Gymshark set.

I love Gymshark. Did you get it in already?

No, I just ordered it today because there— I, um, I'm in between like wanting to try Set Active. Are you familiar with Set Active? And Gymshark. And I put both of them on my Christmas list and I told Matthew, I was like, okay, I want to try one of them now. I just can't wait till Christmas. And also a lot of my leggings are like, they've been through it and I kind of need to get a few new pair. Um, from—

You're gonna love them.

I'm so excited. Yes. I'll let you all know how the Gymshark leggings and the set work for me. So.

Yes. Side note, if this was an ad, this would be a perfect time for it, but—

Oh yeah. Mid-roll Gymshark.

They have the best compression without being too thick or immovable. Like, they're still soft. And if you have like hips and a waist, like, it actually stays on your waist. That's like my biggest complaint about leggings is like it slowly starts just rolling down as you're working out.

I hate that.

And it's my absolute— I feel like they just give everyone such a great flattering shape. Yeah, like it just really just enhances. So There you go. Try it out. I'm sure they'll have a Black Friday sale.

Use the code InBetween. I'm kidding. Don't, because we are not sponsored.

Message them. Yeah.

Message Gymshark and tell them that we need to be sponsored. I love you. Okay. Anyways, but yes, back to the conversations. So you have a couple different conversation decks. You have one from the one and only Best Self, my friend Katherine's company. And then We're Not Really Strangers. There's a couple different decks for that. But like, get a card deck game, um, a conversation deck, and bring it on your next friendship trip. Like, I think it's a great way. And if you are trying to find more depth in your friendships too, I think it's a great way to, to do that on a trip when you're in a new place and you're like being able to— will you actually, will you bring it to New York?

I will, I will. Yes, guys, I have totally gotten those cards And put them in my purse and then just like in a bar be like, you want to have a drink? And then go through these questions. I love you. But I also feel like, um, there— I'm really exposing myself.

That is literally the most Astrid thing ever. You're at a bar and you whip out a deep conversation deck. You're like, hmm, what's your biggest— what are— what's like one of the questions that's like one of my favorites? I keep Oh, what chapter? What title would you give this chapter of your life right now?

Okay. But I will say the Best Self brand, they have a deck. It's blue. I can't remember what it means. But what I like about that one is it can be very light conversation. So what was your favorite TV show as a kid? What was the best gift you've ever gotten? What's a trip that you want to take on? All these different sections. And then We're Not Really Strangers, I feel like, is definitely a lot deeper. So kind of read the room on that. But if you're wanting just fun and light conversations, highly recommend that.

I just looked it up and it's the Best Self Icebreaker Deck. And then there's also the Best Self Icebreaker Deep Talk, which is like maybe deeper. And then Matthew and I actually have the Best Self Relationship card deck, which is 150 prompts. Um, oh no, sorry, the intimacy, the intimacy deck. So highly recommend.

Yes. And also, those are so great for road trips. So whenever we drove down to and drove back up from 30A, we went through a few of them and it was freaking hilarious. A few? Babe, we literally played it for like 3 hours.

We played it for 3 hours.

No, we didn't.

Yes, we did. We played it. I'm not even kidding. I thought we got through a whole level. We got through a whole level and went on to the second level.

I think you're right, but we never finished the whole— that one was the friendship deck of We're Not Really Strangers. Highly recommend. Definitely recommend to do it with like a closer friend. Don't do it with like someone you just— you're just acquaintances with. Yeah.

Okay, really quick, I want to talk about money.

Yes. El dinero.

Dinero. Cue the song. Okay, how many times can we get that into each episode? It's like the Easter egg of the podcast. Dinero. We need to have a trivia game, uh, but in between trivia game where we ask our— and then we like give them— that would be so fun.

Okay, anyway, like a virtual scavenger hunt. How many times did Alexis say You said it 6 times.

Okay. Well, I was like, oh, money. Okay. So I think this is a touchy topic because everyone is in different places financially. And there's nothing like having, let's say 4 months from now, you're like, okay, in 4 months we're going to go on this big European week-long vacay together. It's going to be so fun. And then everyone's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then a month leading up to it where it's time to really start, or probably sooner, but you're getting ready to book things. And then someone's like, hey, actually this month this, this, and this happened and I don't know if I can go, or I need to wait a couple of weeks to pay you, which I have done. Like, hey, I need this, this, and this. And just communicating that and making sure that that's okay is a big piece. Or someone's like, hey, I, I want to go, but I'm going to have a tighter budget. I just want to communicate that. Like, I still want to go. I'm still all in. But here are like some ways we could maybe save money and maybe we cook breakfast and lunch in and we go out to dinner. Um, so little things like that where knowing where each other is and like what your budget is for the trip, um, can really help in the trip too, because then you're on the trip and the person's like, Oh yeah, like, wow, everything on this menu is really expensive. Yeah. And you're like, that's like the worst feeling. So for the person that planned it and for the person that's in that situation. And so it's just like, how can you communicate that upfront and making sure that everyone's on the same page?

For sure. And being mindful of it because I've been in situations too where, um, it's not that they mean to do it, but they're just like, they just don't think about money. Like they've been fortunate enough to not have to think about that. And so they're like, let's go to this really cool place. So they're thinking more of the experience, but being mindful, especially if you're like in a group or something like that, or if like not everyone might be in that situation. So just checking with everyone without singling someone out and being like, this is on average the prices. This is what we're probably going to spend. Is that cool with everyone? And I think once you're in closer relationships and friendships, it's easier for sure. Like, if, if you book something where it was like, oh yeah, the drinks are going to be $200 each.

Mm-hmm.

I'd be like, Alexis, it is not in my tax bracket. Like, get out of here. But, um, but yeah, when you're, especially when you're first starting to travel with people or in a group, just being mindful that not everyone's going to be on that budget and communicating it. And even in close friendships, like when we were planning for New York, as an entrepreneur, my, my income has fluctuated so much. And so a few months back, I was like, honestly, I know New York is expensive. I don't know. I'm kind of double thinking this. I was like, I don't want to go and feel anxious about the money that I spend.

Totally.

So I communicated that back to you and I was like, give me just a little bit before we officially book stuff. And then as I sat on that, I was like, okay, you know what? I'm going to just take on a few extra sessions, a few extra things that I normally wouldn't have. But I choose that trade-off so that I can pay for the trip that way, and I will be mentally at peace with what we're going to spend over there. Because for me, it's like, I know myself, and that's another important thing. You have to know how you travel. And I want to fully experience New York if I'm going to go there, and I'm going to be there with you. That's me.

So I just want to— I am a spendy bitch.

Me too.

We have established this on this podcast, but I have not traveled since Europe and I haven't traveled since the last couple of months of doing a lot of budgeting, a lot of financial awareness, and just doing a lot of digging into my spending habits and what triggers spending habits. And so I'm curious to see how this will show up in my travel.

Well, it's already shown up and you haven't shopped for this trip.

I haven't. Oh, you guys, I'm so excited to tell you that I have not shopped for this trip. Everything that I am wearing, I did buy a pair of black leather pants that like fit me, which I'm very excited about, but that was something I wanted for my winter wardrobe anyways.

Yeah.

Um, but yeah, I did not shop for this trip. I would say 90% of my wardrobe on this whole trip is stuff I've already owned.

Oh my gosh. Miami trip girls, us would have freaked out. Like, guys, we both of us bought whole new wardrobes for Miami. Literally, I got Nasty Gal delivered to the pool of the Goodtime Hotel.

Oh my gosh, I forgot about that. Astrid had Nasty Gal delivered to the hotel lobby and we were up at the pool as like a club, like a pool club. And she's going through her Nasty Gal order. That was amazing. That was genuinely peak. That was peak. So yes, I bought a couple, I don't have any tights, the black tights. So just bought a couple of pairs of those. Very excited to focus on. And the more I got into it, okay, actually really quick, outfit planning for trips. This is another element of traveling with your friends is what city are you going to? What's the weather? And what's the vibe? Like, I know Astrid and I are going to want to take pictures. It's just who we are. It's in our DNA at this point. So it's like, okay, but also like, do we want to be comfy? We know we're going to be walking. So I'm going to have like one pair of heels and a pair of flats or like tennis shoes. And then, okay, I know that we're going to do 2 like fancier nights out. So I'm going to make sure like, but there's nothing like not communicating that. And then you get to the place and the person's like, wait, I didn't know that we were, that I needed this dress. Or like, Yes. Yeah. Or like, I didn't realize we were going to be walking so much. I wouldn't have brought all heels. So like, even little things like that can, can break down and add or subtract from your experience traveling.

Yeah. And how subjective it is. Like, if you're like, hey, we're gonna go to a really nice dinner this night, nice to you could mean the jewel dress, and then nice to me could mean like slacks and heels and a bodysuit or something. So I think just being able to be like, hey, this is kind of what I'm thinking for this night, the vibe, or hey, let's really dress up for this nice dinner, then that can get everyone comfortable. Because there's nothing worse than that either, where you're just like, our outfits, like, what is happening?

No, we are not coordinated. I also noticed a couple weeks ago, probably like early to mid-October, I was recognizing like how much I wanted to shop for this trip. Like, oh, I don't have enough fall things, I don't have enough like pants or whatever. And I wanted to like, I don't have enough New York like vibed clothes. So I was like online, I had my Nasty Gal cart filled, I had Princess Polly filled. And then there was another one I had, there was another, I can't remember what boutique it was, but another one like, and I had multiple items in there. And then I went upstairs and I started putting outfits together of like my own stuff. I was like, let me just put outfits together of my own stuff first. see what gaps I actually have in my wardrobe. And then if we really do have a big gap, like, you know, we really want a black turtleneck. Okay, cool. But like, if— let's not go buy a bunch of things that we actually already own similar items or complementary items in our wardrobe. And that was a big thing that helped me not shop for this trip was like, I know that I have golden nuggets in my wardrobe.

Yeah.

Like, how can I put things together where it's like, oh, this is a whole new outfit. with things I already own, and that was super helpful. So just a little tip for, like, how to save money for trips and not buying a bunch of stuff.

Yeah, or even for, um, like holidays are coming up and everything, like I feel like there's this thing of what's the new outfit, what are you wearing to Thanksgiving, what are you wearing? It's like, hey, you might already have things, just get creative with, you know, your closet and moving things around, and that will help you Spend less. So for sure.

And I knew that I wanted to shop a little bit on this trip, so I was like, if I don't— it's New York, we're staying in SoHo. I'm like, come on. Like, yes, I know I would rather spend money in New York with you where like it's just like fun than online shop, you know?

And I can try it on.

Yeah, yeah. And I get to try it on in the store. Does it fit? Do I like it? Does it like hit these criterias? And then I could buy it instead of like online where it's just like You don't even see the money.

I love it. I love it. Maybe we should do a stories haul of what we get on the In Between Pod. Yes. We should. If you guys want to see that, let us know.

We absolutely should. This has been such a fun episode. I love talking about this stuff. I could talk about it all day long. Anything that you want to add before we wrap up?

No. Just have fun. Disconnect. Enjoy your people. Have fun. Create experiences.

Communicate your expectations. Well, thank you so much for listening to The In-Between Podcast. If you resonate with the show, have been a longtime listener, we would love for you to leave a review of the podcast either on iTunes or Spotify or whatever podcast listener that you're listening on. And if you really loved this episode, I would love for you to screenshot your podcast player, jump over to Instagram, and tag us @inbetween.pod. We love connecting with y'all on there. We love seeing when you listen to the podcast and starting conversations with you in Instagram DMs. And if you want to message me personally, you can do that @alexisteichmiller.

Or you can message me @astrejohannaphoto.

Amazing. Thank y'all. You are amazing. And I can't wait to share what we're building and launching here in the next couple of weeks. So we have some exciting news coming up. So stay tuned for that, and we will see you next week.