216. Communication That Lands With Leah Ward

Welcome to another episode of Professional Builder Secrets. In this episode I interview Leah Ward, who is an executive business coach here at the association of Professional Builders. We talk about the power of understanding not only your own communication style, but the communication style of your team and potentially your clients as well. Why that matters, how it can shape your leadership and what you can do to improve your understanding of communication and how it impacts your business. Hope you enjoy the show. This episode of Professional Builder Secrets is brought to you by Apparatus Contractor Services. Apparatus provides full scope, end to end QuickBooks, Precision Construction accounting and CFO services for residential builders. If you feel like you can't completely trust your weekly and monthly financial reports or you feel like you're flying blind, Apparatus will rebuild and operate your QuickBooks accounting system and and give you precision construction accounting capability you can trust. Learn more@apparatusteam.com or on the APB Rewards Partner Directory.

Miscommunication can derail even the best intentions, the biggest hearts, the best ideas. A lot of times teams aren't broken, but they are very misunderstood. Our communication styles and behaviors, we are all wired differently. Assuming that others communicate the same way you do is the biggest misstep that you can have. You are not just speaking one language, you're actually becoming bilingual. In communication, micro adjustments can make a huge impact. We are listening to connect, not to correct systems are in place, but the human aspect connected to it is variable and you as a leader have to be able to see and hear and be aware who is on your team in order to find the most success.

Foreign. To Professional Builder Secrets, the podcast for building company owners who want to grow safely and securely. I'm your host Will Blunt and today I'm joined by APB Executive Business Coach Leah Ward. Leah, welcome to the show.

Hello, how are you today?

Very good. We were just chatting about how you've recently moved to Chicago and you're getting used to the cooler weather at this time of year after being in North Carolina previously. Can you share a bit about your background in communication and communication styles?

Yeah, absolutely. So communication and finance are my happy place. It's kind of an odd combination, but I guess it must have been about 10 years ago. It was actually my first dip of the toe into the water of coaching. I started doing financial management for a professional development company that fully focused on disc values and attributes, which is a version of a communication assessment. So it really quickly became the core of everything that I've done. If you think about it from a perspective of taking a reflection back on the scenarios that you've been in being in finance. My style didn't always align with everybody else's finance and I felt like I didn't fit in. And when I was able to learn about the different communication styles and how we're wired, it made me realize that I was supposed to not fit in. My style was different. I didn't need to adapt to theirs. I needed to be aware of theirs and not let it be a detriment to me. So really, from that point on, it has been the core of everything that I do professionally, personally, as a coach. And early on in my career, I realized that in a lot of teams, miscommunication can derail even the best intentions, the biggest hearts, the best ideas. And a lot of times teams aren't broken, but they are very misunderstood. And so that really is kind of what engaged me and helped me realize how important this was in the day to day of everything. Our communication styles and behaviors, we are all wired differently. But the nice thing is, is they're all observable. Everything is an observable quality that we can see and look at. And a shift in mindset that I was taught when I was learning communication styles way back in the day was we all learn the golden rule, do unto others as you would have done. But to challenge that if you were to be successful in scenarios, what if you shifted your mindset to do unto others as they would have done? Who's sitting in front of me and how can I be successful with them? And having that thought process going into every conversation is. Was just such a complete game changer. It certainly didn't mean that everything became comfortable and peaches and rosy and sunshine. But the differences are what equal success. Having a team that gets along great does not mean the team is going to make it in the world. You know, in for the building industry, having a diverse set of styles on your team is what equals success. And so really those were the first tools that I had as a coach. And it has been ingrained in my coaching career ever since that point. And I'm really thankful for it. For the whole journey that it's been the good, the bad, the in between of knowing.

I like that you mentioned intention because I learned very early in my career I worked for a leadership consultant. His name was Peter Fudor, a highly regarded leadership consultant. And one of his quips was, it's not about your intention, it's about the impact that you have. And that has stuck with me for the last 15 years, since I first heard that, because from my point of reference. It allows you to lead with empathy because you're understanding someone else's intentions are good, even if it doesn't sound like they're coming across in that way. And from your point of view, you need to actually think about how you're coming across regardless of what your intentions are. Right. And I think that comes down to communication.

Like at a T. Yeah, absolutely.

Why should builders care about how they communicate with their team or how their team communicates?

When you think about your communication styles and dynamics that are showing up in your business, there are, I believe there's over 19,000 styles. And I'm gonna, I'll refer to disc. That's, you know, a lot of what I'm, I'm trained in for that. And when we talk about disk, if you break it down into four quadrants, you have an external processor and an internal processor and a task driven and a people driven driven. And everybody fits into one or two of those quadrants of style. So think about it. If you are a people driven external processor, you are excited and probably saying things very quickly before you thought of them. If you are a task driven external processor, you're probably very direct to the point and not thinking about the people, but the work in front of you. And again, same thing, internal processor and people, you're very calm, cool and collected on the outside, but thinking of everyone around you. And then an internal processor that is task driven, just give them their corner to work for. Everything but just. I just named four different quadrants and that gave you such a variety of styles of how you can show up as a person. There is no right or wrong way at all to show up. They're just different. And I think that if you're able to respect the diversity of our communication, you know, we're taught to respect the diversity of our race, religion and gender. But how often are we asked to understand and respect the diversity of our communication or our behavioral styles of everything? And with builders, it relies on a team that functions really effectively and efficiently. There's a lot at stake, there's a lot of moving parts. There's a lot of pieces that aren't just in your business. Models and systems are one thing, but humans are variable. And if you can understand your team in a way that empowers them and removes the friction, you can actually create a team that is unbelievably successful. And so if a fun fact about communication. So the creator of disc, his name was Dr. Martin. And so he was a lawyer, a psychologist, and he created the lie Detector test. And so he had a very different point of view. In the 1920s and 30s, he believed that women should rule the world. So that wasn't the average thought then. He was actually removed from spaces because of that thought process. But he felt so strongly about it and that the world needed to understand it that under an alias he created a comic book character that I think we all know her name is Wonder Woman. If you think about it, what is Wonder Woman's tool?

He put me on the spot. I'm not sure. Isn't it the, I mean it's, isn't it the lasso thing?

I mean the lasso of truth.

Okay, yeah.

Oh, the creator of disc. If you think about it, our understanding of communication is a modern interpretation of understanding the truth of our communication. So it's just a fun way to kind of think about from that space of it. But when builders are able to take a step back, we're not asking them to change their lens, we're asking them to expand it to see not just their view, but the view of everyone around them. And the nice thing with it is this isn't a test, it's not a label. It is merely an observation to find success that can help a builder have a conversation that has lasting impact. And I think it is the 7.38.5 rule. And so that rule of thumb is when you are communicating, your team, your family, your friends, anyone around you, they hear 7% of the words you say, 38% of the communication is the tone, and 55% is the body language. And so when they're sitting in a room and they are talking with or at or however it is with people in their team, 93% of that is nonverbal. And so picking up the awareness of how they are showing up can help them understand who they're talking to and signal them when they might need to adjust in order to find that success.

How do the non verbal cues fit into the profiling in the disc quadrants?

Oh, I love that. So if you think about it, so a high D and we talk in the areas of high, it's not a right or wrong of being high or low. It's not good or bad. It's just they're more observable in the higher states of everything. So if they're an external processor and higher, they might come in more directly. Your emails will probably only be in a subject line. It's going to be very direct forever from a non verbal space of a high. I so think about that. They're interactive they're probably going to walk in and take up the whole room of energy. I mean you're going to feel them walking up to you. And if you are, I'll skip to the end a high circle, you know, there's a good chance the arms are crossed, you're a little bit more pulled in and reserved. And a really fun party trick is if you are a high I to walk over to a high C and just get closer and closer and you can see them starting to physically tense up. So don't do that to anybody. But it's, it's the idea of the non verbal cues that you can pick up on typically high S's stability, a little bit more reserved but very aware. So they will still be very present in the area but in a very kind of quieter space of it. They're going to listen. So I am a very high S and in the finance world I was surrounded by very high Ds. I would go into a boardroom and they would all yell, scream, use every profanity you can think of. And then they would leave high fiving and going to lunch. I would go to my desk and wonder what am I doing with my life? That that's a scenario I'm in. But it wasn't that I didn't fit in. I just had a different style. But my observant style helped them make their quick decisions.

One thing I've struggled with with the disc, I found it extremely helpful to understand why people act the way they act and also why I act the way I act based on where I am in the middle of S somewhere. But one thing I've found at times is I've caught myself pigeonholing myself or other people based on where we sit in the quadrants rather than looking at it holistically and saying you can have attributes from, from each quadrant. Yeah, how do you handle that kind of ecosystem?

So the reason why disc is so widely used or the idea of communication and understanding that is so powerful is that because it brings in a neutral language, it brings in a space where everyone's on the same playing field. So you can take out the aspect of taking things personally. We have different areas of predictable problems and it's people, it's procedures, it's pace, it's processes. And so within that, think about the different almost labels that you could put yourself on. And I know for me personally when I was able to incorporate a neutral understanding of language, I didn't have to add a label. That was me choosing to make A label because it was uncomfortable. And different styles can feel discomfort. And the more discomfort sometimes the more success they bring. When I ran my own business, I am a 10 indecisive, and that's out of 99. So making decisions was not my favorite thing to do or making quick decisions. In order to be successful, I had to hire somebody that was a high D. That made me a little uncomfortable. You know, I'm hiring somebody who is almost directly telling me what to do when I'm the boss, so it can automatically create friction. But with them being able to come in and do that effortlessly, our business made decisions and got to move. I mean, think about if you're in a whole room of high S's that get along fantastically, the business will crumble. Everybody's kicking the can down the line. There's no urgency in it. And so I think that if you're able to understand and appreciate how the other styles bring so much impact to the table, it's almost like you want to surround yourself with those different styles. For me, I hated making decisions, having somebody that came in and made all the decisions of the like, of all of those nature. I still had the final call of it, but they made a majority. They would say, I'm going to do this or that, and I could say yes or no. It was wonderful. It drained my energy so much. Stepping into a style that wasn't my natural style, I was adapting into a space that it drained my energy to the point where I couldn't enjoy the rest of it.

Is it as simple as saying as a business owner that you just try and hire a balanced cohort of communication styles? If we're looking at disc as a whole, for those that are listening in and don't know what disk is, you might want to pause, go, and at least look at the graphic of disk and then come back so you know what we're talking about. But yeah, is it as simple as that? Because I know with each quadrant, for example, a high D would have had other things that may have contrast to where you want the business to go as well.

You have people already on your team that might not be doing the best that they could because they're in a position that doesn't naturally fit their style if you have someone. And now, and on that note too, when I'm talking about disc, disc stands for, and there's a lot of different brands, but for decisiveness, for interactive, for stability and cautiousness. Those are kind of the four quadrants that everything is broken out into and so if you have somebody, let's say that is a high I so interactive external processor, very people driven and you are having them in accounting in a closed little back room where there's no interaction of people. So think about how much extra energy that they're having to adapt to to be attentive to detail when that is not their natural style. So sometimes it's not just about stacking your team but it's about asking your team and seeing where they find value. You know, do you love being, you know, in a space of quiet and being able to work? Do you love being people facing we can all adapt in scenarios. If I'm, I'm way more of an internal processor, a quiet side who's a coach. I always joke that I'm an introvert that accidentally created an extroverted life that I live in. And so I feel like sometimes I know if I have to get up and do a presentation I can put on that hat that says I'm going to tap into a different style, go in there and then be successful. But if that became 90% of my job, I would feel absolutely drained, probably not enjoy it and take away the pieces that I really like first. It's understanding who and what your team is already made of and are you using them, putting them in the most effect efficient way and effective way that helps them for everything. If you have somebody that is very detail oriented and you keep asking them what's the bigger picture that's going to be a challenge. And it's because their strength is going to be getting into the details of everything.

Would you use the disc profiling or something similar as a part of recruitment to make decisions or I'd say it.

Is very widely used in a space to understand the different styles and coming in and what is necessary for the job. Again, like a very easy example, if you have a job that needs a lot of attention to detail and you come in and you're a 10 in cautious and a 99 in D and I it's not that they can't do it, but how long will they be able to happily be successful in a space like that? And so it's nice to be able to understand and honestly it creates a neutral space to ask the question, hey, this is a very detail oriented position. I, I see you're a very high I and high D it's you're not going to be people facing what are your thoughts on that? How are you going to be able to be successful in a role that's a Little different than your natural style.

In the same respect. I imagine on the other end of the spectrum, if you're hiring for a sales role or something like that and someone's a high C, there may be a red flag there as well.

Yeah, and we found a lot of that, you know, through years that I've worked with a lot of people, they would be in a sales role and really struggled. And they weren't driven by people, they actually were exhausted by people. And they just wanted to go back and work in the data and the numbers. And so how can they be successful in a space like that?

How important is it for a business owner to understand their own communication style as well? I think we've spoken a lot about communication styles in general and probably leaned more towards what your team's communication style is. What about being self aware?

When a builder or a business owner can understand their own communication style, everything starts to get easier. The first thing that you can notice is a drop in tension. Conversations are more impactful for everything. It can transform your relationships, which then impacts and transforms your operations. You know, I hear a lot of times just by asking a couple of questions, again, not even taking a disc assessment, but just thinking about the observable qualities, you know, how is your team showing up? What are your team's strengths when they walk in the room? Are they excited? Are they jumping in or are they kind of quietly coming into the room? And builders say our meetings used to drain us, but now they're actually productive because they're able to cut out friction, not take things personally. It is a. It is set up in a space where the communication has improved because the trust has been built. And the trust is really that foundation of everything. The efficiency, the sales, the morale, the retention. People stay where they feel valued. So as a builder and as a business owner, if you can have enough awareness to understand yourself and how you are showing up, you have the ability to then see your team in a way that helps and wants them to be there. They want to be there. They are connected to you, they feel understood and people stay and work harder. And it's the shift for builders in their business from managing to motivating. But you have to understand your own communication style to be able to start leading differently. And again, this isn't to change anybody's style. It is to be aware. If you are a business owner and a builder and you are a high D and you think that when I send these messages, send me this today, it is efficient, potentially your team could take that as oh my gosh, my boss hates me. My boss is mad that I didn't have it yesterday. Now think about it. None of those words were used, but the impact of your words can transform how your business operates.

Yeah, that's a great point. If you just think about it from your own perspective, you've got an internal dialogue about every interaction you have with someone. Right. That's just human nature. And so if you're not thinking about how your communication style would impact someone else's internal dialogue, then you might be having the, like, a completely different impact than what you're hoping for.

Yeah. And it's, you know, not to oversimplify everything, but what if in a world we, for this one thing, we didn't have to over complicate? What if it was just taking a second to pause and instead of reacting, reflecting on what your style and preferences are, and then even just asking your team, it can make such a huge impact. But in a world where we over complicate everything, what if in this example, we took a step back and actually trusted the simplification of it all? You know, understanding who we are better to help our team be more productive, to feel seen, to feel heard. And the simplest part of that is asking the question is understanding. You know, again, we only see the world through our lens. And again, sometimes I'll get, I'll get a little pushback. Well, why am I having to adjust in this scenario? But think about your capacity. Like if you have the capacity to see and have awareness and to step out and say something a little differently, to empower somebody else, isn't that a gift, not an extra step in your day?

Yeah, I think if someone's thinking, why should I have to adapt? That's probably a fixed mindset which isn't attuned to growth in any aspect. So hopefully anyone listening isn't one of those people. What are some of the common challenges you see with builders when they're trying to understand their communication style and adapt?

Assuming that others communicate the same way you do is the biggest misstep that you can have. You know, a high D will think everyone appreciates the bluntness and directness. A high I think that everyone loves their enthusiasm. A high S thinks everyone just wants to stay calm. Just stay here on the boat. Fine. And a high C thinks every single person values the precision and detail, but we don't all hear those messages the same. And so when you're able to have that awareness that can expand your range of everything, you are not just speaking one language. You're actually becoming bilingual in communication. And I think that a blind spot is in the business. Industry is a very tough industry. You're out of your comfort zone a lot. So I think a lot of times the last place, place you want to be out of your comfort zone is in your own boardroom. But when you can start to step out of that, that's where growth happens. Growth happens when you step into discomfort, adapting to meet others where they are. And with that, it's creating a trusting, safe space to have the conversation. And so those are a lot of the, kind of the, the blind spots. And really, you know, I'll come Back to the four Ps, the predictable areas of conflict, people, problems, pace and procedures. And in coaching, my favorite breakthrough is when a leader builder will finally see that how their team's responding to them is not personal. It's predictable. Everything changes. You're taking out the emotional aspect and you can start to lead with intentionality.

So for any members out there, APB members, if they want to learn more about effective communication, we do have a training in the member portal that they can dive in called effective communication, funny enough. And for non members, highly recommend checking out disc and looking at ways that you could potentially do an assessment on yourself or maybe on your team as well. There are plenty of services out there which offer that at a low cost or even free. I know some recruiters in our partner program do have a free disc profile for any new hires and things like that. So could be a great starting point. Just start understanding everything a bit better. If from your point of view, Leah, what would you say is a good way to get started improving in this area of communication?

So awareness always comes before change. And awareness starts with observation. I'm asking my builders and the people around me, I am asking them to pause in a world where they are having to move forward very fast. But if you can start to observe before you can act, you aren't just noticing the tone, the pace, the body language, you know, you're observing it. And after a conversation ask yourself, you know, did I adapt to them? Did I expect them to adapt to me? And that golden question of when I go in there, who am I communicating with and how can I adapt successfully to this person? And if you can answer those two questions in any conversation, then you've already practiced really that advanced communication. And I think for builders, remember that micro adjustments can make a huge impact. Match someone's pace for 30 seconds before just diving into your point. Mirror their tone or their energy slightly it helps build trust, it helps build connection instantly. And remember that we are listening to connect, not to correct. That's a really good key to remember. And the other thing is, and I know that this seems silly to say, but communication is a learned skill. I mean we do have to practice it. It's not something that just comes naturally for everyone. When I'm coaching, it would be a disservice if I coached everyone exactly the same in that scenario. I'm asking them to adjust to my style and I find success in being able to adapt to who's in front of me to find the most success for a high D. And if you have a high D on your team, if we have an hour session, there's a good chance we'll wrap up in 39 minutes or early because they're on task, they're on point. If I'm trying to hold them in that session to hold on to a time frame that I feel like is where they get the value, that's a disservice to them. I've now wasted their time for a high I. If I walk into the meeting and I don't have a few minutes of pleasantries, you know, ask how their day is, I've now lost the emotional connection that I'm going to have in a session with them. And in I it's helping them feel heard and that they are valued and then in a C, making sure that whatever I bring to the table is brought by facts so they can start to build trust with all of that. And so I think that the biggest thing that they can do is just start to observe. Take those extra few minutes in each scenario and ask yourself because every builder, every team member communicates to differently and quite honestly, that's the beauty of it. I love how much diversity we have in our communication styles. And when you can adapt your communication style to help theirs, you will engage your team faster, you will have deeper trust and you'll get results sooner, which I know ROI for everyone there. And that's what makes communication so powerful. And I think I said it earlier, remember that you know, systems are in place but the human aspect connected to it is variable. And you as a leader have to be able to see and hear and be aware of who is on your team in order to find the most success there.

Just as you were saying all that, it got me thinking. We've spoken a lot about self awareness around communication style and then team members. But the other benefit to understanding your communication style and understanding the cues of other people's communication styles is that you could build better rapport and have better communication with your clients as well, I imagine.

Oh, yeah, we didn't even touch on the client.

We didn't even go down that path, which is probably where builders could see the biggest impact on. On their sales and things like that as well.

Yeah, I mean, think about it. So if you have a high C as a client that comes in and you are talking in kind of bigger picture, they're going to immediately lose trust in you. They've probably already done 10 times more research than team has coming into this. So being able to match and have a conversation with facts is going to immediately build that credibility. And the same thing goes with all the other styles. So being able to understand what the client needs and how to be successful with them, that's going to build a relationship that stays. Remember, 7, 38 and 5, they're only going to hear 7% of your words. They're going to, you know, hear 38% of your tone and 55% of your body language.

Yep. That's a good ratio to remember. It's kind of alarming as well. 7% of the words that we say get hurt.

Well, and think about the digital world that we live in. But even if they are having a virtual meeting them coming in with their arms crossed, that's going to feel very different than if they're more engaged. And again, having their arm crossed could be very engaging for them. But how are other people seeing it?

Well, Leah, I feel like we could talk for many hours about this topic. I can tell you're very passionate about it. If there's any builders out there that really want to turn up the dial and better understand the way they're communicating with their team and their clients, obviously go straight to the source. And yeah, thank you so much for coming on the show today. I've really enjoyed the chat and I'm sure everyone that's listening has got a lot of value out of it.

Absolutely. Thank you so much.

Also, a big thank you to our listeners who have tuned in today, wherever you are in the world. If you like the show, please subscribe to Professional Builder Secrets on your platform of choice. And if you're feeling generous, leave us a review. But until next time, have a great day.