Behind The Spotlight: Carmen Ohling

Hey, happy International Women's Day! Welcome to the last episode of Behind the Spotlight for this week. And my friends, we are ending with my friend Carmen. Wait till you meet Carmen, because Carmen is— Carmen gives me life, okay? She is about everything woo but takes it to a level where you don't feel like it's anything but natural. Oh, I can't wait for her to come on. Here she And if it would work for the first time that I try to do this, every time. But who cares? Here comes Carmen. There she is. There she is.

Hello. Hello.

I was just like, wait till you meet Carmen. Happy International Women's Day. I forgot until I went online this morning.

Me as well. But I think we should be celebrating every day. It's something my husband and I talk about. Just all the time is why are we not celebrating life every single day and not just waiting for the day? So I wasn't too disappointed in myself that I didn't have some preplanned amazing Women's Day because that's, that's every day.

It should be every day. I live in the land of boys. Two boys, two male dogs, my husband, all my girlfriends, you know, all my friends online are mostly women. But in here, it's a lot of testosterone. So yes, I try to have them celebrate me every day. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. But they're— actually, my kids got home from school last night. So it's nice to have a full house again.

Oh, from college?

Yeah.

Oh, awesome. Where are you at? And then where do they go? How far away is college?

I'm in Jersey. OK. And they're at Rutgers, which is only about 45 minutes away. And they're both there. So I'm very blessed.

Yes.

To not only have them very close, but they actually like me. So it's a whole— so it's a whole different level. But like you, and what you talk about in the world, is about like that ability to see each other, and see where you're coming from, and just have love around it. You know, I get questions often from little kid moms, like— because my kids call me a lot. And they're like, how did you make that happen? I was like, because I see who they are. And I celebrate who they are. And in turn, they've learned how to celebrate me, which is really nice. I don't know if you saw it. I didn't tell a lot of people. I did a comedy show last week.

No, you did? Oh my gosh.

I did. I did a stand-up comedy.

Was it improv or what?

No, it was like literally stand-up comedy. I signed up for a class. I studied it. And I was so nervous to show them. And my older one especially, because he's really into comedy. And he watched it this morning, and he was like, you were actually really good. I was like— I did cry a little, because I was like, mm.

You know?

Isn't that the best?

I was. It's really the people that are closest to us— and we don't think of this— that we care the most about their opinion.

Especially a 22-year-old boy— man. 22-year-old man.

Mm-hmm.

And I think that's why I was attracted to— you know, I did stalk you before we became friends, right? I did look at all your stuff before. I actually was like, hey, can we be friends? But I really like the fact that you're intentional about having the space to, like, what you say is crack people open, right? It really allows them to see the magic within them. And that's what I try to do in my program. Because if you want to be visible, you have to be able to show who you are in your heart. And that's actually— I was talking about today as well, was like, I hear from women all the time. They're like, I want to be about this. I want to be about this. What's that thing in your soul that you don't tell anybody? And I know that you, that you do a lot of that too in your leadership coaching.

Yeah, I love that we're talking about this actually, because this morning I just kept getting this message of everything is just dripping with significance, significance, significance, right? Dripping with significance. And when we use words like charisma or significance, people automatically think because society has trained us to have like a negative connotation to those words. But I just want to flip the script on that because Significance is we, all of us have that thing inside of us, that significance that's been placed in there, but we hold back for whatever reason. Maybe it's because what our son will think, or someone else is doing it, or my story's not good enough to share, but everybody has something within them that they are meant to share and they are meant to bring to the world, but it's having the courage to have something to say and being the one to be able to say it and use your voice. And what I find anyways with the leaders and entrepreneurs that I work with is most of the time, the number one thing that's holding us back is our current level of success. We want so much to get to the next thing, but we're so comfortable and rooted in our current level of success that we can't, it's almost like we're blind, we're focused in, we can't see the infinite possibilities that are out there.

That's so interesting. And I think that's like when you say a lot, like that's what keeps the leaders from reaching the next level.

Right?

It's like, but do you also think it's because they don't, they think that next level person is a different person? Like I can't be that 7-figure, or I can't be that TED Talker, or I can't be that the one that writes the book. Is that what you think is actually keeping, it's that thought process? Yeah. Yeah.

I believe so. Because as humans, we all want to be We all want to be safe, seen, soothed, and secure. Like, these are main things that are embedded in us, and we don't, you know, no one talks about that. Oh, I, I want to make sure, you know, this level of success, I feel secure, right? I have this income level, and so it's making me feel secure. But if I step out here and I do this new thing, we all want certainty so bad, and it's uncertain, and so then it's not making us feel secure so that, that our ego self or our inner child, whatever you want to call it, that fear-based mindset inside of us is like, but look over here, it's pretty shiny and you're doing, and you're doing well. But you know what? Like, this is the place that your calling goes to die. And over here is the place that it does. It does. I love it over here in this place where we're like, okay, I know and trust. Of a strength that's greater than my own. I know that I'm an expert in this one area. I know that I have the courage to have something to say and it's important. And I always invite everyone, be the one, be the one to show the world how great life truly is. And so take the courage, take the step, and then you'll collect the evidence that, okay, yeah, I am supported and I am feeling a little secure. I'm feeling seen too, which everyone says they want to feel seen, but then we start like, Hiding in plain sight.

Yeah.

So I agree with, I agree with that. There's something inside of us that's, that's, that's holding us back. And until we create the space to create the clarity to understand what that is, we're just going to keep starting again on Monday.

I totally agree with you because I've been having this conversation a lot with my husband is like, I don't have that internal, like, you can't do this, you're not good enough. But my, my talk is, But are you not recognizing that there is an issue? Or like, are you not seeing? Right? Like, because I don't feel it. I'm like, you're not seeing the things that are keeping you back. Or like, or are they not there? Or am I just creating them? Or am I not? I'm being blind because I'm definitely like this a lot. I'm definitely the blind nurse. Like, I'm not going to look over here. I'm just going to keep moving forward. But then I stop myself. Wait a minute. Am I not recognizing what's going on? Which is my own way of keeping myself back. But because it's not that, because I'm not told that self, that that instead of self-talk is the bad thing, I'm not recognizing that that's something that I'm blocking myself with. Because no one talks about it.

I feel the same way as well. I feel very confident. And I know that I have a certain level of expertise and skill that I'm meant to share and bring to the world. But it's very easy if I get in a season of fullness for me to just do the same things that I've always done and not, you mentioned this earlier, and not do it how my highest and best would be doing it and going for it, which would achieve those next level results, which would get to the next level. I just keep operating down here. I will give you a really great example. I will give everybody a really great example of this. So this year I hired a new team member. She was amazing and she was wonderful. But I realized after 2 months in is, I hired somebody to keep at this level. I need somebody up here, which means probably double the amount that I was paying this person. And their expertise is going to be greater than mine in this like organizational capacity that I need for my company. And so while she was great, it was, and you know what, like having the right expectations and having the right communication as a leader is so important because we left that relationship and it's still really wonderful. There's no hard feelings. She understands, she felt the misalignment 'cause we were talking throughout the whole time. But you know, that cost me a few thousand dollars to hire the wrong person and energy and time. But now I know, okay, this is what I need. But it wasn't, it was like a 2-month ordeal of a lesson learned that I wouldn't have learned and I would have kept going if I didn't create the space to have the self-awareness to do the reflection. To discern what is right here and where am I. It's usually us. Oh, hey, it's me holding ourselves back.

I can't tell you how validating that just was for me because I'm dealing with something similar and it's been in my head and I haven't really talked about it. So I appreciate that so much because it is about that misalignment and it's like, well, I don't have time to be misaligned. Like I have other things to do. And that's not one of like the my, like, high-performance habits. That's not something that I'm doing to, like, get to the next level. And I do feel like it's keeping me back instead of moving me forward. Because I'm, you know, I can move forward by myself better, right? Or I don't need that to be in there. I can figure out a different way to do it. Um, my older son just walked by. He was like, hi! But you're so good at that. And I really appreciate not only, like, expressing that and sharing that, but it's like I think that sometimes people look at successful business owners and they're like, well, they don't deal with that kind of stuff, or they're not on the same level. The dogs too. And that no matter where you are in your business, we're all dealing with the same internal stuff. And it's about those habits that we create for ourselves that help us get to the next level. Can you talk to us? Sorry. Can you talk to us a little bit about those?

It's life, real life. This is real life.

If you watched my video before this, they talked in the middle of that too. They wanted to talk to you guys. I can't do it. But let's talk a little bit about those high performance habits that are gonna help us get around that kind of stuff, because I know that's one of your specialties.

Yeah, so high performance habits are different for everyone, and that's what I want everybody to hear. You have to figure out what season of life I'm in. So basically getting the clarity of what season of life I'm in, what's most important to me right now, what are my priorities, and then how can I build rituals every day and habits and disciplines and systems? And this is the non-sexy stuff that no one talks about. They're like, oh, abundance and you're gonna manifest it and just like think about it. It's like, no, you have to create systems, you have to be disciplined, and if you do, then you create freedom in your life. But if you don't, then you're not gonna be able to create the freedom and get to your dreams and goals even faster. So as I think about it, I think it's just best to give like tactical answers. So one high-performance habit personally that I use and that I teach on And it's not something that people talk about often, but one of the reasons, or one of the signs of upper limiting ourselves where we're just not being able to get to the next level is worry and overanalyzing and overthinking. So if we can catch that sooner and we can have a high performance habit where there's a pattern interrupt on that trigger instead of worry and overthinking, and then what happens? You go down this huge path, your energy gets drained, you don't do the thing that you committed to yourself that you were doing, and then you feel bad and then you're like, oh, I'm gonna do it tomorrow. Tomorrow, and then you have so many things on your to-do list and it's a never-ending cycle and you're just like, I just have no time and I'm overwhelmed. Okay, that stops here. Can you tell I've been there?

I was like, talking to me, yes!

Right, so we want to have this pattern interrupt. So if we know that our, so we know that our thoughts are pretty much the same day after day after day and over 75% of them are negative. So if we're now aware of that, then we can be aware of our own patterns. So if someone says, okay, my high performance habit is to just be aware of my thoughts and my patterns. And we realize we keep telling ourselves we're overwhelmed and we don't have enough time. In that moment, the pattern interrupt is like, is this true? What, you know, what am I making this mean? Because nothing has meaning until we place meaning upon it. And so in that, yeah, in that moment, you can say, no, this is not true. And who would I be and how would I show up if I didn't believe this thought and I was acting in my highest and best self? And then you do that and you commit to yourself for doing that for just like 5 minutes. And once you get the 5 minutes done, then you're rolling, you're out of that worry, overwhelm, letting yourself down, discouragement. Because really the number one thing that I feel is happening in the world, it's like this idea of languishing. People are just discouraged. They're going through the motions, but they don't have a sense of aliveness every day. Because they're not clear on what they want, and so they're saying yes to everything and everyone, and it's freaking exhausting. And so that's a personal thing, is like having that pattern interrupt when the worry comes in is so important because worry to get to the next level, it's always gonna come up, and overanalyzing, I think that's something that's really big. The other thing that I know to be true, and I've been doing this very, very consistently all year long, is to work in your 20%. So most of the time we're doing busy work, which is work that is not needle-moving work, the work that's not going to hit the goal that we want to go to, to achieve. So figuring out what is the work that really moves the needle, and that's usually only 20% of what you're doing is the needle-moving activities. And then you wanna reverse engineer that and figure out, okay, how can I work in my 20% each and every day? And for some people it's gonna be a little bit different. They're still gonna have to do some administrative tasks or maybe they're out of their personal house and they're still gonna have to do some household chores and that's okay. But how can you have deep focus concentrated work to get that 20% done? And I've been being committed to being in my 20% on my work days when I'm doing deep work every day, every time, every day, like I'm not letting go of that commitment. There's been times when 9 PM on the couch, and I go to bed early, so 9 PM is kind of late for me. I go to bed at like 10, and I'm sitting there keeping my commitment to myself because that matters, that I'm doing my, doing my 20%. So if you can figure out what those activities are, pick one and do it for the day. Don't overload yourself, but Pick one, work in the 20%, and then do whatever else you wanna do with the rest of your day. Next day, 20%, get it done. And here's the tip, don't do it half-assed, don't do it good enough, do it as your highest self, do it and do it to completion and finish it and get it done. And those two things where you pattern interrupt on the worry, shift to your highest and best self, do it for 5 minutes, it'll continue you on. And then figuring out your 20% and committing to that on the days that you're— that you've scheduled to do focused deep work, you're actually going to get things done.

And imagine at the end of the week how much you've actually gotten done. Because I was— I was doing busy work this morning and I said to myself, like, this isn't getting you anywhere, do the other thing. And then I went, right, because I don't want to do the hard thing. It's Friday. I've worked all week. Literally, what— like, you're reading my mind today. And this is one of the reasons I needed to have you on. Because in 17 minutes, you've, like, changed people's lives, which I know you do all the time.

Well, thank you. Thank you, thank you.

Well, you know, I think that a lot of times we have the conversations— and I want to just reflect something back to you. You say "I" a lot. And that's one of the reasons I really adore you, is because it's not you. It's not external. It's like, you say "I." And you do it a lot of your videos as well, because I, of course, watched a whole bunch to make sure I could interview you. But I really like that about you because I, I think I feel like there's a huge shift coming and it's right. We're going away from the bro marketing. We're going away from the shiny. And it's really about like, this is how I'm feeling. Are you feeling this way too? This is what's going on for me. Are you feeling this way as well? And I know that I've been trying to be in that space for the last probably 6 months and I just feel happier. Like my therapy is going better. Because I'm just a little happier, right? And sharing myself. And I appreciate how you've been through hard things. You know, being diagnosed— I know you were diagnosed with MS at 25. And I had some issues recently last year. And I was like, how do women who have serious long-term ailments keep going? And you're such an inspiration about that. I'd love to just learn a little bit more about how you just keep yourself going with having to deal with MS every day.

Yeah, thank you. Thank you for— first, I received that, and I'd love to share from my perspective because I think I know and I believe that it's important that if you are going to have the courage to have something to say, that you live it and you breathe it and it's authentic and it's clear and it comes from the heart. And that's when you're going to connect with all the right people. And so thank you. Thank you so much for saying that. So yeah, I was diagnosed with MS when I was 25. And when I was 25, I still believed that doctors knew everything. I don't know if you know what I'm talking about here, right? And so I didn't know that you really have to be a health advocate for yourself. So I went down kind of a deep, dark depression, just thinking about, oh, tomorrow I might not be able to walk, talk, or see. And then they had me take this horrific medicine where you have to inject yourself 3 times a week. I have to tell you this, Beth. Let me tell you this story. The nurse came over to show me how to do it. And this was her sales pitch. And I'm never going to forget this. She says, okay. So she had like all the things out, like the practice thing to be able to do the shot. And then she looks at me and says, okay, they don't know how it works, but it's been proven to reduce the relapsing MS in about 48% of patients. And I thought, what the?

Awful.

First of all, you— I'm going to inject this into my body. And you started your sales pitch with, we don't know how this works. That's not good. And that's under 50%.

It's got to be another way.

Yeah. At the time, again, I was still under the impression that doctors were God and they're not. They're just like you and I. They're trained a certain way. Your general practitioner, by the way, does know nothing about female hormones or nutrition. So don't ask them about that. But I took the medicine for a year and then I realized there had to be a different way. I felt like I had the flu 3 times a week, I had marks all over my body, and the mental mind game every time putting that shot into my body, that was the worst part. So I set off, there has to be, there has to be a different way. So really I started building, unbeknownst to me, high-performance habits for me. So things like moving every day. That doesn't mean I'm doing some high-intensity workout, but I'm moving 'cause I'm moving energy. Our bodies are made of energy. I'm moving every day. I have a really strong morning AM ritual where I'm grounded, I'm aligned with God, I'm ready to go for the day, I'm intentional. I feed my body with the best foods. And that might even mean like, "Hey Carmen, do you wanna go out to dinner?" And it's like some only fried food place. That might mean I bring food in my purse and I really don't care. What you think of me. But it's figuring out what you need to do for yourself, setting boundaries, things like, I remember when I wasn't drinking alcohol for a while and we don't drink that often, but I remember a friend looking at me and saying, "When is the fun Carmen gonna come back?" And I thought—

Get out of here. Yeah. Not my friend. Yeah.

So really diving into personal development, even when I, so I was diagnosed when I was still in my corporate job, and I'd always done leadership training, leadership training, leadership training, which was focused so outwardly on our team, it never turned the mirror back on me. And so I started with personal development, and really that's one of the tenets of our company is personal development is really the foundation to exceptional thriving health, exceptional leadership, extraordinary business results, meaningful relationships. So for me, it was turning that back on me, figuring out what works for me. And so the things that I do to control my MS might be different than someone else, but basically greatly reducing stress because when I was in my corporate job, it was out of control. Moving every day, eating good, having people around me that I can speak to. Sometimes we just get all up in our head and if we can just say it out loud to someone, we take our power back a little bit. And then figuring out and asking for what you want at the doctor's office. So I go to the doctor, I have a whole list, and I tell them what I need and how it is a medical necessity that I need it so they can bill the insurance. And so I can get the tests and do the things that I know that I need to have done. And most people don't do that.

No, most people don't do any of that. And I'm with— I have IBS. So I'm a little piece of you. Like, I'm— I never thought about bringing my own food. I just don't eat if I have to go to those kind of places because the fried food will cut me off. And I've been sober about a year and a half, and I get— I've gotten that also. Um, but I'm so much happier. My body's all— my body's happier, right? I was putting poison into my body. My body was like, don't do that. And I wasn't listening for a little while. Um, you know, when one glass of champagne makes you sick, you should stop. It's just, it's just enough. But then I wonder if like those experiences, because one of my favorite things about looking you up and going through all your stuff was the superpower quiz. I loved it. I loved it. I loved it. Where, I'd love for you to talk about where that came from and then how people can find it.

Yeah. So in the work that I do, my gift is really like, I see you, Beth, and I can see greatness in you. And so it's being able to pull out that greatness that maybe you're still tucking away a little bit, and really to expand that. Because oftentimes, you know, we started the conversation talking about our current level of success is what holds us back from our next level, 'cause we've built this identity for ourselves. And so most people have not yet even tapped the surface of what they're capable of. Not even, and you and I, we're doing this work, we've done personal development, we do this, and we're still capable of so much more. And so the superpower quiz I created, I was like, okay, been helpful for me and my clients within our organization. So it's the Enneagram, emotional intelligence, Human Design. It's like the best of that. And I created these profiles so you can figure out like, am I, am I a cheerleader? You know, am I a nurturer? But the best part, and I'm so happy that we included this, is not only does it tell you how to maximize your strengths, but it also talks about how to How to watch out for when you can go over to the other side.

Yeah.

If you're a nurturer, you're— you have this innate gift to be compassionate and empathetic, which is so beautiful. And people are drawn to you. Like, a nurturer would be someone that people just, like, download information to them. They're like, I just met them. It was a stranger. I don't know why they told me all of this. But things to watch out for is we easily let our boundaries be crossed, and then we start start sidetracking us for that. So the Superpower Quiz, and it's linked in my bio, people can go to carmenohling.com/superpower to find it, but take the quiz. It is totally free and it's really gonna help you unlock, oh yeah, there is something more inside of me. And then the next step after the quiz, 'cause it's not just about the quiz, it's actually going, okay, What can I do today that's one right next step in order to get a little bit closer to unlocking those gifts more? And then, you know, reach out to you and I and say like, look what I did. I'm so excited about this.

1,000%. And that's my favorite thing is when we talk to the audience, like, okay, we've given you— she's given you a challenge, guys, right? Go take the quiz and then tag— actually do a video talking about the quiz. And then tag us, I'll reshare it. We'll support you on that. But I think that's one of those things, like it's great to go take the quiz, but I want you to be in action about it. And I love that you challenged our audience to that as well.

I love that, I'm all about action taking. I remember that was the piece of advice that I held onto for the longest time when I first started my entrepreneurial journey, was start before you're ready. And there was many times when I started before I was ready and it did not go well, but I learned and I got my reps. In and it built so much confidence inside of me because I kept going and kept going and kept going. Start before you're ready.

Oh, and you have not even started to go, right? Like, we're right. We got— this is like the— I always feel like the first 10 years are like practice and the next 10 years of stepping into where we are, right? No matter where we are with financial and how big our audience is, like, that doesn't actually matter as much. It's like it takes a long time to get to here And like you, I've been doing personal development since my 20s. You know? And I don't— and I parented like that. And I don't know where I would be if I didn't have that basis. Because that allows me to take the bold moves and do the show and ask people to come on and just kind of talk about the dogs and the kids and my husband and what's not working and validation and all that stuff. So I really appreciate you coming on today. We talked about how to reach the next level, the things that you could do if you don't go I'm telling you right now, you have to go do the quiz because the quiz was really eye-opening for me. Go follow Carmen. All their information will be in the, in the caption below. Carmen, I adore you. Thank you so much for coming on. I love you. I could listen to you all day long.

And have so much fun with your kids, your boys while they're home. That's just such a blessing.

I will. I'm so excited. Yeah, we're going to do a little Shabbat tonight, so it'll be really fun.

Oh, awesome.

Yeah. Thank you so much. I'll talk to you soon.

Bye, Beth. Thank you.

Bye.

Bye.