Beyond The Spotlight: Alex Pursglove

Hey, welcome back to Behind the Spotlight. Today we're interviewing Alex Persklov. Sorry, my voice isn't back yet. I think it's too many of these amazing interviews. I hope you caught the interview this morning with Chelsea. That was really interesting and really transformative. Alex is just gonna come on and I'll have her tell all— tell her all about you. Tell you all She should be coming on in a second. Sometimes Instagram doesn't like me in the morning, but I hope you're having a good day. And here she comes. There she is.

Hey, Beth, so good to see you today.

You too. How are you?

I'm doing well, doing well. Loving the sunshine here in Texas.

I know. Here too, got a little sun. I was like just making sure all the sun was right. Um, you know, today on, on our interview, I was really interested in not only talking to you about business but the other side of it because, you know, I've been on your podcast. Um, you know, I've had a lot of these interviews and like a lot of the other ones, Alex is actually a good friend of mine. Like sometimes I feel like I have people come on and I'm like, I had an interview last the other day and I was like, why are we talking like we don't know each other? We don't talk all the time.

I love that.

It was just a little weird. But one of the things I really love about you is not only can we talk business, but we can talk about the other side of business. So instead of me doing your little intro, why don't you tell everybody about you?

Happy to, Beth. I appreciate you having me here to share about what really fires me up, which is exploring how to live a fully expressed life and how it's different from a successful life. So to share more about me and why that matters to me. That I spent many years of my life struggling with people pleasing, imposter syndrome, heavy self-criticism. I was always hard on myself and not in a really mean way. Like, I didn't talk to myself really meanly, but I was always setting a standard that what I was doing just wasn't enough yet, wasn't good enough yet, but I could have done better, could have been more. And struggling with that for years was, was really detrimental to not only my own self-worth and enjoyment in my life, but also in my ability to make a greater impact, to put myself out there, to grow my business, and to really have the reach that I wanted. So when I connected those dots and realized that that is what was really blocking me from creating more success, more fulfillment, more joy, more abundance in my life and business, I became so passionate about spreading the word to other women and helping other women become fully expressed because I found that it, it really is the link to feeling really good, not only on the destination, but also on the journey.

I appreciate you saying that because it's more like I'm starting my launch, my next offer, my next group program offer. And I was like, this is supposed to be fun, right? This is supposed to be light. I had this like heaviness on my heart. It's because it's a lot of showing up. It's a lot of coming out, you know, and I, you know me, like I love to show up and I love to do these kind of things, but it's showing up in a different way. And you always talk about being fully expressed. Like, what does that actually mean? Like, I'd love us to get like really granular. What does it mean to be fully expressed in life and in business?

So what a perfect segue, Beth, that you shared about the heaviness of showing up, right, and doing all the things. And I get it. And we do, especially, you know, I'm a mom of a 2-year-old. I'm a wife. I'm a business owner. I also have my own personal life. And it can be a lot to, to manage and to carry. And so I bring this in because full expression doesn't mean that you're always living with positivity, that you're always, you know, when I say feeling good, it doesn't always mean that you're happy and that you're positive. It means that you are so fully present and connected to yourself so that you can bring your life into alignment with your true desires. And so, being fully present and connected to yourself means that you make space for all of you. So, all of the emotions, whether it's sadness and frustration or anger, or if it's extreme joy and passion and excitement, letting yourself be really connected to who you are authentically and being present with what's here. So, it's this combination of practicing radical self-acceptance and true presence. While also having trust in your highest self and where it's guiding you and in your heart so that you're bringing your desires to life while enjoying the journey. Because enjoying the journey comes from being really accepting of what's here.

I, I really appreciate that because it brings so much up for me because I'm— so my kids are the other side, right? My kids are in college, and I did really enjoy them growing up. You know, I really was very present. I really like looking back. It was hard, of course, two boys who are rambunctious and doing all the sports and all the things. And I did all the carpooling. But I think that one, it was kind of before I really started my business, before they went to high school, before they went to elementary school, like kind of where you are, that I was like, I'm just going to focus on this little being. And I didn't have a business. And I think it's so I really give you a lot of credit and a lot of our other friends credit for having a 3-year-old and having a real business. So like when you live in this like fully expressed way, in this radical acceptance way, like what— why is it important? What can really happen in your life? So much.

So let me start. When you're practicing this kind of radical self-acceptance, like I said before, this is what creates feeling good on the journey. So one, it's about honoring, really living in our worthiness and our and how we're deserving of enjoying the journey now. I personally believe all of us deserve and are worthy to feel good, valuable, to feel our greatness, to see how capable we are, to see how beautiful we are, and to really own the exquisite beauty of who you actually are. And when you're seeing that and accepting that, it creates more peace, it creates more stillness, more spaciousness. It is what helps you let go of grinding. I know so many women, and myself included, You know, we've been trained to really operate in the, in this unhealthy masculine way of grinding, grinding, forcing, like go, go, go until you hit the goals and never stop and prioritize the business. And it leads to burnout and being drained and overwhelmed and just not feeling really good in the now. So the radical self-acceptance piece is what takes you into that feeling good. And then it creates spaciousness for you to actually tap into your intuition and your heart and your body and look at What am I actually being called to create? Like, what do I want to create that's going to light me up inside? And so it becomes less about striving to achieve in order to feel good and more about you experiencing the power of your own creative abilities, your intuition, your ability to come up with solutions. So I find that when we're living in this path of full expression and really connected to our intuition, it guides us towards greater expansion, solution, opportunities and the opportunities that are actually aligned with us. So it's, it's again that link to really bringing everything into alignment with what you truly desire and lets you let go of what anyone else says you should desire or what you think you should desire or how you're measuring up to other people. It really helps you let go of all of that comparison and just stand in your truth and, and create your life in the way you want to live it.

So what this brings up for me is I, I haven't even told you this. I don't think I told— I don't know, I haven't told my audience this, but oh, I'm excited. I spoke, I spoke at Podfest last 2 weeks ago.

I saw that.

It was, it was great. I, I was staying at my parents' house in Palm Beach, and I woke up the next morning, I literally couldn't get out of bed. Like, I had not really slept the week before because I was preparing, and I was, I was with my parents, like It was hot in the room. And then the week before that when I was home, I didn't really sleep because I was trying to get everything ready for being away so that I could spend time with my parents. And I ended up like sleeping from I think 11:30 in the morning till 5 o'clock Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. So the fact my, my mom was like, I think we need to go to the hospital, like I think you need an IV, like I— and I had never gotten to that place of exhaustion And not once in my head was like, maybe you should take a break. You didn't sleep last night or the night before. Like, I never got into that full alignment. So that piece of like really being present and really thinking about the stuff that we're talking about, I just didn't. And I, and I said to my mom, I was like, I guess I'm not 20 anymore where I can just run and run and run and run and run. And I took some time off. You know, I did all my calls as much as I could, but I really rested. And I've gotten so much done in the last 2 days and I feel so much better and I'm so much happier for where I'm going with my launch and what's happening. And I had my new opt-in coming out this afternoon. But I really— I didn't realize in all of January that I was so out of alignment. Do you— so do you hear stories like this a lot? I know you have a group of women that you support for your business, and I know you have another group as well. But like, what are the things that people like I are doing that you're seeing that's so far out of alignment that we just need to help everyone get back.

Yeah, well, your story was a perfect example, Beth. I so appreciate you sharing that. You are not alone. I, I see this all the time. This is a very common theme, especially in high-achieving, successful women entrepreneurs. The, the light side of that, right, is, is we're driven, we're passionate, we care about what we're doing, we want to make an impact, we care about the quality of what we're doing. So there's a lot of light to it, but But it, it moves into the dark when we stop meeting our own needs. And that's the thing that I see as such a common theme. And it can show up in really obvious ways and sometimes in subtle ways with plenty of women, which is that self-sacrificing of, well, the goal, the achievement, the output is more important, right, than my own biological needs or my emotional needs. And we're, yeah, we're conditioned really. I mean, there's so much in society that conditions us as women to prioritize the needs of, of everyone else above our own. I mean, a recent YouGov survey just put out that 64% of women say that they will prioritize the needs of others to the detriment of their own. And so it's everywhere. And yeah, and I get it. I mean, as a recovering people pleaser, I still have these tendencies that these, this draw to, but I've got to make sure everything's taken care of and then we can burn ourselves out. And so I think that if you are in a point of feeling like you're in that grind, whether it's you're burnt out, you're exhausted, you are sleeping all day because you're so tired, or it's just, hey, I just don't feel like I ever really have that spacious time for myself. Like, I'm always thinking about everyone else. I'm always taking care of everyone else. And when you're in that, that cycle, you're going to be really— I'll say this way— you're going to have a very hard time connecting deeply to your intuition and to your heart and how it's guiding you. And that's actually your greatest internal compass.

Yeah, I told— I wasn't listening to anything. I just— I had to think. I had something I had to get done, you know. I, I— lucky enough I could spend time with my parents, but I wasn't thinking about it until afterwards. I was like, oh yeah, I was drinking like matchas every morning, so, so I had a little— yeah, I, I was picking myself up, but then I would crash. Like, I didn't realize I was doing— so it was like, how do you— so now, now I'm You know, I listened to my Abraham Hicks and a couple other Joe Dispenzas. And I, you know, I got myself back in like the source and I feel much more centered. But like, how can you give us like 2 or 3 tips on like how you apply this to your actual life or how you use it with your clients?

Mm-hmm. Absolutely. So first, I'll invite everyone to stop and take an inventory. It's like awareness always has to be the first step. So you said you didn't even realize you were doing it, right? So I love to encourage clients. This is an activity I do with a lot of my clients, which early on when we're working together is actually having a daily tracker where you're exploring how often you're feeling good during the day and how are you really feeling. Or when you make decisions, what's coming up for you? Like, what are the decisions that you're making? Which ones do you feel good about versus which ones do you have fear, doubt, worry, second-guessing, all the things that could come up or shoulding happening? So really raising awareness is, is absolutely the first place to start. And just doing that daily check-in. How often am I actually feeling good during the day? And again, I stress that feeling good doesn't always mean that I have to feel happy and positive. But how often am I feeling— yeah, it's more like feeling peace. Right. Yeah. Like, how often am I feeling just like, oh, OK, I'm good. Like, I'm aligned. I'm centered. Right? I'm grounded. I'm connected to myself. So taking that inventory and asking yourself those questions And I want to add one other because there's multiple different places of you can take inventory here, but also exploring how are you responding to yourself? How do you talk to yourself throughout the day? When you make a mistake or when you get disappointing news, are you having your own back? Are you encouraging yourself or are you, oh gosh, you should have known better? How could you be so stupid? That's something I used to say. That was one of the harshest things I used to say to myself, like, man, that was really stupid of you, huh? Or, "Geez, Alex, what's wrong with you that you didn't catch that?" And that's a really unkind way to talk to ourselves, right? It's very affirming. Yeah, yeah, really hurtful messages. So exploring that, how often are you feeling good and how are you talking to yourself, are places to start. And then as you're raising that awareness, what always needs to come next after awareness is acceptance plus expressing or feeling. So, so often when we're battling with ourselves, it's because we're fighting actually feeling the emotions that we're experiencing in that moment. And it's like maybe there's discomfort around feeling sadness or anger, or maybe there's discomfort around feeling joy. There's discomfort around just really being in the present moment. It's why so many of us are so conditioned to have numbing behaviors like grabbing our phone and checking it not being able to, you know, just sit still, right, and meditate. It's like we need to have music going or we do the Netflix binge or again, the checking the phone. It's like keeping ourselves constantly consuming or busy and or we get into our own head and we're battling with ourselves and analyzing and going back and forth. Should I do this? Should I do this? Should I do this? And all that mental analyzing, it's keeping you up here and it's keeping you from feeling what you're actually feeling down here. OK, so letting yourself just sit in acceptance and allowing what you're feeling, allowing whatever's coming up, having space space for it and letting all of you be welcome. That's the second step. And then that leads you into expression and aligned action, which is, okay, now that I've just let myself feel whatever I feel, what is my heart actually calling me to do? What do I really feel lit up to do next? Or what, what's, what's the next step here? The next path that's actually aligned with what fires me up? If I knew I couldn't get it wrong and I knew that it didn't matter what anyone else thinks of it.

Right. I appreciate that. But like, what comes up for me is like, it, it's figuring out how to install that into my life, but also how to consistently do that. And like, don't you— I know you have your mastermind, but you also have like a networking group, right? I know I signed up to be a part of it because I think about other women talking about this all the time that I can continue doing that over and over and over again.

Yeah, I'm so glad you asked about it. So actually the networking and mastermind group are the same group. So it's a combination of a, we call it a networking mastermind group. That's for expansive visionaries. And it is, it's a group for women where we're combining these elements of, yes, focusing on business strategy and elevating your role, your teams, your systems, your sales, your visibility, your connections. Supporting each other through referrals and relationships and resources, and also going deeper and growing in who we're being and our full expression and allowing ourselves to explore who we really are, seeing the beauty of who we are and creating from our hearts over our head. So that's the whole premise of this group is we're not here to just copy and paste each other's systems. We're here to really tap into our own creations and support each other in following our own intuition, being, you know, fully connected to our— to who we really are, to our sensuality, our spirituality, and having that space where we get to bring our whole selves. That's what it's all about. Full Expression is about letting all of you be welcome, letting the truth of you be seen and heard. So we've created this judgment-free space where you get to let all of you be seen, heard, and welcome, and then we're supporting each other in how we're creating and elevating in our lives and businesses.

Well, I think That's why we connected, because I was like, oh, because I, I come to life with no judgment, with acceptance. That's just kind of how I was brought up. And I know that you do too. So I'm so happy to hear that it's like both. So I know there's people that will be watching this that are like, well, how do I keep that up? Like I said, or how do I really understand how to do that all? So Alex will be tagged in the captions, of course. So go find out about her. Go see what she's doing. But I had actually a personal question. Yeah, I, I do sometimes, especially when I'm really stressed, do that check your phone, watch stupid TV on Netflix, you know, and I, and I, if I try to quiet myself, right, then I'm like, oh, I have to do this, I have to do this, I have to do this, I have to do this. Like, what would your advice be? Because I'm sure the other people watching have the same thing going on. Oh, sure.

And I, I, I do too. So I will tell you this, this one practice has been changing my life, which is when you're having those stressful feelings, right? Or the negative feelings come up and then, you know, yeah, you try to quiet, you go into all the things you have to do. What brings me back into acceptance is noticing, okay, what am I actually feeling? Like I'm feeling stressed or this thought's coming up. And I just say to myself, Alex, you are allowed to feel this in your body. You're allowed to feel anxious. You're allowed to worry what people will think of you in your body. You're allowed to not be able to meditate right now in your body. And so when you say that, you allow that and actually express it, you're honoring, yeah, whatever part of you is activated. If it's your inner child, if it's your inner critic, whatever aspect of you is really activated in this situation, you're letting them be seen and heard. And think about, you take a 2-year-old child, right, that's having a tantrum. And they're screaming and crying, what tends to really support little children is getting down like on their level, looking them in the eye, holding them, comforting them, saying, I see you, I hear you, right? If you tell them like, stop crying or just go do this, or like, they don't respond well, right? At least my daughter doesn't. They don't respond well. But when, what the child wants when it's having the tantrum, it wants to be seen and heard. It wants to be seen and heard and comforted. And so when you allow that and don't make any part of you wrong, because I think this is the dark side of personal growth, Beth, those of us that study mindset and, you know, and success strategies, it's like, oh, I should know better. I should know I shouldn't be stressed about what people think of my interview or what people think of this. I know better, right? I don't practice people pleasing anymore, or I know I should meditate. That's what I should do to recenter myself. And you're in shoulding, you're in judgment. You know, you're actually using growth against yourself. So it's all about that acceptance piece. Oh, I'm allowed to feel whatever I feel in my body. And when I do that is when I release it.

Thank you so much for that tip. I know a lot of people feel the same way I feel. You know, honestly, what I do is I don't even think about it. I just move on, which is probably my coping mechanism as well. Like, I don't give myself the space to like, what are people going to think about it? Are they going to like it? Are they not? And, you know, do I look funny? Do I, you know, my hair— I always play with my hair on these because I'm always looking my hair. I have to stop doing that. But I think it's a real reminder to like, it's OK to like take a moment and think about it. And maybe those thoughts won't come up. Maybe they will come up. But I do definitely feel like I just continue moving on to avoid— maybe it is to avoid that. Or maybe I've just kind of worked through that stuff because I've done media for my whole life. And I've been in front of cameras my whole life. But you definitely gave me a lot to think about, Alex, today.

Yeah. You know, well, if I can just add this too, that I think what it really comes down to is the feeling, right? Like you said, maybe I'm just— I just don't think about it because I've done all this training. Yeah, if it's not activating you, if it's not bothering you and you're able to move on and stay connected to yourself, great. Then it's not an issue. It's when those, those activating feelings come up.

Yeah.

Right. And then you're not sure what to do with them. Or a mentor taught me this once a long time ago, and I believe it now so fully, is that actions that you take in fear produce more fear. So when you're trying to move on and just like take action in your business from a place of fear or trying to get out of something or just ignoring something, it's going to keep fester. So it's all about how you're being connected to how are you really feeling right now.

Wait, say that again. If you take action in fear, it produces more fear. I felt that in my whole body. Like when you said that, I'm like, go put it on your Instagram, make a quote, because that is really moving. I really appreciate that. Because when I do things not out of fear, it's when I move faster.

Yeah. And you probably move much more aligned with your actual vision, right?

Yeah, I've been working on that TV project and I'm making some strides.

Awesome.

And I actually emailed somebody today. I DM'd them on Instagram and I was like, hey, I've been thinking about you. You know, she had posted something that made that connected to it. And I got an email while we were talking. I'm sorry, I looked down, but I saw her name come up and she was like, yeah, can we talk tomorrow? Yes. Like, So that wasn't out of fear. I was like, I feel this project's going to happen. And because of that, I'm making the things happen that need to start making it happen so it can happen. So we'll see. No fear. No fear. So no fear, people. But Alex, thank you so much for coming on. You know I adore you. And this is a conversation I know a lot of people are going to really lean into. So you're— Alex is going to be tagged, collaborated. She'll be all the stuff so you can go find her and her mastermind, Expansive Visionaries Collective. Thank you, Alex, for coming on.

Thanks so much for having me, Beth. I love talking to you every time we connect.

We do. I'll talk to you soon. Thanks. Bye-bye.