Beyond The Spotlight: Caryn Gillen

Hey, welcome to this week's first episode of Behind the Spotlight, where I bring you the best and the brightest of my friends. No, I bring you the best of the brightest entrepreneurs on the internet that actually are going to help you get to the goals that you want to get to, especially today, because wait till you meet my— here she comes. I'm gonna let her introduce her. Ah, I love me some Instagram. Here she comes. There she is.

Hey, how are you?

I'm good. Good morning. How are— good afternoon. Good morning where you are, good afternoon where I am. Exactly.

Yeah.

How are you today?

Oh, I'm doing good today. It's a lovely, not quite rainy day in the Northwest.

Oh, that's beautiful. It's a not quite sunny day in the Northeast.

Nice.

So we're keeping it going. But honestly, I have to tell you, Karin, that I started the day watching your— I think it was one of your stories this morning talking about the Advisor Circle. And I can't imagine anyone watching that video does not want to join you. Can you just introduce yourself to our audience and talk a little bit about who you are, what you do, and maybe even what the Advisor Circle is?

Yeah. My name's Karen Gillan, like car insurance, and I'm a coach. I've been a coach for like 15+ years, been working with humans for 20 years. And the Advisor Circle is a small group that I have for coaches that is a mentorship mastermind coaching consulting community, super small group, 6 to 8 people only. And it's just where I do my kind of work with coaches to, to further the industry in the way that I think where we want it to go. So for me, it's really like it's a, it's a heart space for me. And then I do one-on-one coaching as well.

Thank you for saying that. And I hope everyone just got from that little bit, like how your calm energy is juxtaposition to my high level and how much we need people like you in the world. You know, one of the things that you put out in the world that I really like is that you are a chief of staff for Remarkable Humans. And I was lucky enough to be on your podcast recently. And it wasn't a normal podcast, guys. Karen actually coached me. She helped me so much. And I don't allow a lot of people to help me all the time. I'm working on that. So you just allow space for people to be vulnerable and to be open. How did you get from, you know, I always say like little Karen to like the remarkable woman she is today?

Thank you. I think what I did was I figured out who I was and then I built my life around that, as opposed to me trying to become a coach or figure out how to be a great coach. It was like, who am I? What do you call this way that I like to be in the world? And then how do I, how do I make my life work if this is who I am? So I kind of took a backwards-forwards approach.

I like that approach a lot. And it's not something that we talk about a lot. And I also like how you said, like, you created your life around what you wanted to do versus people creating what they do around their life.

Right.

So what, what's the space that you stay in then to keep you fired up, to keep supporting people in your, in your work and in your life?

It's probably love, right? I have this, I have a genuine love for humans and humanity and for us to have the ability to live our lives in truth. And mostly that to me means with ourselves. So how am I able to be exactly who I am, show up the way I'm made to show up, and live in truth, in alignment, in integrity for me, for my life? Because I think that's where we have the least amount of drag and the most amount of energy.

And so many people spend years and years trying to get to where you are. And I get questions like this about who I am all the time, and my answer is always like, I don't know, I was born this way. Do you have a different answer? Were your parents involved? Like, how did you get to this very calm state? Because as you know, you're special. Oh, I think you're special, and you're a special being in the world. Well, we're all special, but I think you definitely have a different energy that I really enjoy.

Yeah, I think I came this way. Like, I don't, I don't recall working to get here. I think this is This is just a product for me of being in my— in what's true for me. And I think that's, that's what's really important. That gives people the chance to have access to calm is when we're not fighting, when we're not trying to push a boulder up a hill, when we're trying to actually just be exactly who we are and show up in this way. I think it just creates so much more ease and grace.

Yes. I like to live in that space of ease. I just wish I could bring it down enough sometimes. I think it's the East Coast baby versus West Coast as well.

I mean, it's who you are, right? It'd be weird if we were both really calm, it'd be weird.

I don't know what that's like. Right, and I feel uncomfortable that way, right? I like to have the energy, and I think for me, it allows me to see who other people actually are, and I can see who they are. And one of the things that I know that you're really good at is seeing people for who they're not presenting themselves out, but you're also, I think really the pinpoint is like, you get what other people miss, especially in their businesses. Especially like, so I wonder when you see all us crazy, crazy people out here, what is it that you're seeing your clients, like the common things are making mistakes over and over and over again?

Trying to be somebody else. Like, I don't know why people do that. Well, I think it's because it's so in our face, right? Like if you think about just the process of marketing, when other people are marketing, they're purposefully coming out in front of you disrupting you and saying, I'm gonna put this hook in you and see if it catches and if you'll come with me and if you'll believe this line of thinking, this line of feeling with me. And we live in a world where everything is marketing. Social media is marketing, everything is marketing. It's everywhere we go, grocery store, car, everywhere. And it's all meant to disrupt us in a way that makes us want to change, to be in line with that person's vision and mission for their business. And so we're walking through the world with like, there's things flying at us and hooks coming into us all the time. And so it's this consistent process of like, how do I unhook from that idea and that idea and that idea? And it's really hard to keep ourselves clear enough to do that. And so like, one of the things I think I love is decluttering. And so like, I like it in physical spaces, but I also really like it in emotional spaces. And if I can declutter myself from the places where I feel a lot of need or like I'm not enough, then those hooks don't sink in so deeply and I don't believe them so strongly. And then I can really get closer to my way.

Oh, I, I'm so in on what you're saying, both emotionally and in business, because emotionally I've let go of longtime relationships that just weren't right, that got their hooks in me. And every time I left this one woman's like going out and doing things with her. I just felt bad. Like, I'd get in the car and be like, why did I— like, I don't want to do this again. And then I would do it again because I had— we had such a long relationship, but I felt so connected to her, realizing I was connected to who we were 20 years ago and not connected to who we are here. So I, I learned how to— that was last summer, and I'm still learning how to, like, really detangle myself from that. But one of the things I do in business-wise is I've stopped scrolling.

Nice.

The scroll just really keeps you in. And I look at people's stories, like I saw your story this morning, and to be honest, I was like, how can I make that mine and do the same thing? 'Cause my launch is coming up soon too. I loved what you did this morning. But I'll see your story and then I'll look at your feed, because when I'm looking at the feed, I'm like, oh, my coach isn't the one that's gonna help me, this person could help me, or I should be doing this, or I should be doing this, and it gets too much in my head and then I can't create anything. For the first 7 years of my business, I really had blinders on and just created here instead of looking. So I just try to pull myself back a lot, but I know that's difficult for a lot of people. So I think I like talking about that and how you, and how you really presented it, because I think people feel like they have to see what's going on with everybody else, right? Well, I have to see what my competition's doing. So what, like, what do you, what are your thoughts on that? On how, like, you have to see what other people are doing to understand if you're in a good place?

I mean, just think about the energy of the statement. I have to, like that in itself brings the anxiety up. Like anything, it's like I have to, or it's like so urgent. Question anything that feels urgent because what I've found in 15 years of business is like nothing's actually on fire ever. We're not ER doctors. We're not firemen. Like we don't have first responders.

Yeah.

So what you're saying is like, how do I be really intentional? And you've really curated your intake. And I think we have to do that because if we don't choose intentionally what's coming in, then things are just going to take over because everyone else is so good at hacking like the psychology of sales and all that stuff. Like we're going to fall for it. We are just going to like, you can't, you can't put up your defenses well enough to not fall for some of the stuff.

Yeah. And with creating that space for people to have those beliefs that hold them back. You know, like I have my mantras in this today. I was walking the dog and I was like, everything I'm doing is what I'm supposed to be doing is how I'm showing up. And instead of like, instead of going through my mental list and going, I have to do this, I have to do this, I have to do this. But I know you work, you work in that space a lot. So I'm just interested in finding out like, what approach do you think people don't do that might be the easiest for people to understand?

I think know what your values are is the number one thing. Know what your values are so that you can know when I'm in my values, aka in alignment or out of alignment. So if I know that I'm always going to be working on being wholehearted, then it's going to be really easy for me to cut out anything that doesn't have that sense to it. Like, I don't even know if I should be on social media scrolling ever, because can I wholeheartedly do it? Have I ever wholeheartedly scrolled Instagram? Probably not. Yeah. So that's like, first and number one thing, I think.

That's real, because I, people don't often take that approach. And I understand why people work with you and why you're so successful. Because I think people are like, I can't do that on my own. I need something, somebody like Karen to help me do that. But for me, it's a part of like my, how I'm sustaining myself. Like, how have I been in this business for 20 years? Is that taking myself out of, you know, what I should be doing and how I should be doing it. I have to do this and I have to do that. And what I'm finding lately is I'm in these new Facebook groups with all these amazing women, and I'm just showing up as me. And sometimes I get no feedback. Like, for instance, I'm in a boxer group, and on Saturday I was like, hey, what's going on? And I wrote something about, like, it's snowing here, I'm going to get in my closet, what's everyone else doing? Nobody answered me. Cricket. I was like, oh yeah, right. I can make that mean something. Or I was like, okay. But I think a lot of people struggle with how to show up on social media in these curated groups so that you can make true, honest connections because our businesses a lot, right, is go talk to Kari, go talk to Beth. We do that kind of stuff. So I was wondering maybe how you approach it or maybe how about you have your clients approach, like, really connecting and making actual relationships instead of— I feel like it's like you're hitting off each other. Like, I'm in this group, I talk to you here, I talk to you here, but I never talk to you again.

But you connect.

Yeah. Connect. Thank you. I couldn't find the word.

Yeah. For me, I think about it as just like you want to walk through this world making sure you're being relational and not transactional. So we can think about this with our bodies. Like, do I run because I want my body to lose 2 pounds or do I run because I want to be in good relationship with my strong, healthy body? Do I create relationship because I want to be in relationship? I want to know you. Like, I want to know you. I want to know why. Why do you have the energy you have? Why are you interested in what you're interested in? Oh, mocktails. Tell me about mocktails. That's interesting and relational versus being like, well, I guess I have to go meet with Beth because we have to get on Instagram because hopefully, like, I'm going to get a client out of this. If you're thinking everything you're doing, I better get a client out of that or I'm wasting my time, like that kind of energy, is really, it's the opposite of magnetic.

I get that energy a lot back, not a lot, I get that energy back from people when I'm just trying to, like I'm literally like I'm just trying to make friends, like I just want to be your friend. I let go of a lot of my IRL friends last year and I'm really here because you and I can have a conversation about all the little things that we're working on doing and I think that people forget to be relational, especially in the media space. Yeah, right. Like, well, I, I want something from them. I'm like, but they're still a person. And I love— yeah, of your intent, the intentionality of like, let's have a connection and make a relationship so that we can then support each other instead of like, hey, can I get something out of you? And, and I— do you think that that's a knee-jerk reaction because people are actually insecure? Like, that's where my brain goes. Where do you think?

I think it comes from fear and playing the short game versus the long game. Like, if I'm playing the short game in business and I'm going to be constantly transactional, I'm going to be like, I need this to create this, I need this to create this, I need this revenue here. And I'm going to be constantly thinking, how do I get, get, get, get, get out of everything that I'm doing versus I'm going to create relationship. And I mean, you don't know until you've been in business for a while that the person you coached 8 years ago is going to come back. And work with you again for 2 years. And you don't know that the people you played volleyball with in high school are gonna be your clients later. And you don't know any of the things of this relational arcs that go through our business that just keep coming. And the more you can trust in it and see it and believe it, the easier it is to do. But you have to, I mean, I think about like everything good that comes in our lives, where does it come from? And look and notice like, oh, that amazing connection happened at that park the other day. Why did that happen? It was probably based on something having to do with relationship and connection, like getting that amazing mechanic who you love, who now you refer to all your friends. How did that happen? Because you had a relationship with the receptionist at your dentist's office. Like all the things are tied to relationship.

Yeah. And I, I'm a— I love relationships and I love having people around me. I actually am going to an event tonight I went to Podfest, which is a podcasting conference I went to. I was buying a bottle of water and this woman in front of me turns around. I'm like, hi, my name's Beth. What's your podcast? She lives around the corner. Oh, that's amazing.

Right?

We had coffee a couple of times and she invited me to this huge networking event tonight that I'm going to. And I'm going with that. I just want to make some friends instead of last year. I think my mindset would have been like, Okay, I'm gonna go and bring my business cards and see who's there and be very judgmental of the people that I speak to, but I've definitely changed my trajectory and been, and being more open about it. And I appreciate that when you put it out in the world because that's, just like, just listening to you and honestly the conversation we had on your podcast, I was having a lot of stress about my launch and you were like, let's have a party. And as soon as you said that, I went from here to like, oh, I can do that.

Expands.

Yeah, a lot of it expands. And I really appreciate what you're putting out. And I hope that people from this conversation can see why the Advisor Circle is such a, such a gift that you're giving to everybody so they can consistently be in your energy and be able to transition into the people that they come from, that heart-centered pieces versus that stress or that, you know, I feel everyone's cortisol is here lately. So just talking to you brings my cortisol down and I appreciate it. One last question is I always ask my— is ask the people on the show is like, what's next for you and where do you want to go?

The next thing for me is deciding with more intention how I want to impact my network, my community. So like, I think I like— I'm a coach and I ask questions and I'm out there and I like do my newsletter and all that stuff. But I'm like, but what, what if I was able to uplevel the impact of all that stuff, both for me and how I work and for my people? So that's kind of what I've been thinking about lately.

Well, thank you for sharing that with us. And thank you for sharing your heart with us. I really appreciate you coming on. I want to thank you again for having me on your podcast. You were so helpful and changed the, changed the way I was feeling about what I was doing now. So I want to just acknowledge you that publicly. For that. And when that episode comes out, I of course will be sharing it everywhere. Karen, thank you so much for coming on, and I'm so glad to be connected and be in relationship with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You too.

Oh, you're a—

for having me, and thank you for your energy. Like, calm people like me need people who have high energy to, to like balance us out, for real. Like, I can't go through the world like that. Yeah, no, I appreciate it.

One day we'll meet IRL, maybe in Austin. Thank you so much. Um, again, thank you for coming on Behind the Spotlight. Um, and if you like these episodes, please like, share, and follow both of us so you can too be in our energy. Thanks so much, Karen.

I'll talk to you soon.

Thank you.