#16 Mindset Bootcamp - The Commitment Contract | Recovery Secrets Series

Welcome to the Overcoming PTSD Podcast. My name is Brad Schipke, and this is the limited series called Recovery Secrets Daily Coaching. Now, these were private sessions that I originally ran as a paid coaching program, but now for the first time ever, I'm making all 100+ sessions available for free for all of you podcast listeners. And this series is over 100 days of practical strategies that have helped thousands of trauma survivors fully heal. So make sure to subscribe because I'm dropping a new episode every single weekday until the archive is complete and you definitely do not want to miss it. So without further ado, let's dive on in.

All right, we are live here. Welcome everyone to our Recovery Secrets daily coaching session. And we're so, so excited to be here for this week because this is our first ever Mindset Bootcamp week. So we're so, so excited about that.

And I'm very excited to be here today for our Mindset Bootcamp this week. What you can really expect from this week is to get the entire foundation that is needed and required for your mindset. So by the end of this week, you're gonna get pretty much all of our best stuff on mindset, and we're gonna build you up step by step by step by step. So basically allows you to create and manipulate your own world.

Mindset's the foundation for a reason, right? And so the reason that we're doing, like Brad said, the reason that we're doing this, this mindset bootcamp is to give you a strong foundation. We're gonna cover some topics today that Normally, we spend hours and hours and hours teaching, and there's so much that goes into these topics. This is a process that you do build off of. You know, the first pillar of recovery is mastering your mindset. It's the foundation— mastering your mindset. Now, I want you to think about that, that word that I'm using— mastering, right? Getting mastery over your mindset. It doesn't happen overnight, right? It doesn't happen the first ever time, even if you hear all of the content, right? If you're part of Broken to Unbreakable and you hear Every single thing in the mindset work. For those of you in Broken to Unbreakable, you know that, right? You know you go through it and you're like, wow, there's so much here. And you start taking action and it starts changing your life. And then you go back again and you're like, wow, how is there still so much to learn? And that continues for, for a long time. There's a lot of ways that we do goals, but one of the ways we do goals, and this will tie into what we're talking about today, is we do it in sections, right? And so every 3 months We basically create new goals. We create a new section for the year, which is why we take a break. So last week we took a break to kind of reflect, how are things going? What's going right? What's going wrong? What do we need to change? Are we on track? How do we, how do we get on track? How do we, you know, push the ball forward faster? Different things like that. And I want you to think about where you can be in 3 months' time, right? And so 3 months, it's not that long. It's gonna go by super, super fast. 3 months already went by super, super fast since the first of the year. Okay? It's going to go by whether you put time and effort into yourself or not, right? And it can seem long when you're in it, right? And I had this saying from my dad. He says it all the time, and it just always stuck with me. Days drag, years fly. And that's really what it is. Days drag, years fly. And so we're here each and every day to commit to doing the action. And we're going to talk about commitment today because commitment is foundational for this recovery journey. So I want to talk about commitment. And one thing I want to ask you all, what does commitment mean to you? I want to ask you that question. I want you to reflect on that. What does commitment mean to you? Because we're going to kind of talk about what it means to us and what we're looking for in regards to your commitment to yourself. But I want to, I want to just you to reflect on that because it's a really important thing to reflect on. And Brad, if you want to share what. Commitment means to you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

First, I want to touch on why commitment is like, it's so important, right? It's the first step, right? Basically, it's like, I am going to do, and this is what it means to me, right? So I'm going to do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to achieve whatever I'm committed to, right? That's what it means to me. So like, what we're talking about today is commitment to you, commitment to your recovery, right? And more specifically, your full, to full recovery from PTSD. And to me, it's, it's that simple. It's, it's the commitment to do whatever it takes, right? Whatever it takes for as long as it takes until I achieve what I'm looking to achieve. You'll do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to get it done. Doesn't matter how many problems you face, how many roadblocks you face, how many challenges, whatever. You are, you are going to do whatever it takes to solve those challenges to achieve your goal, because there will be challenges on your journey to full recovery. There will be challenges on your way to Healing your past, healing the traumas from your past. But commitment means, hey, I'm, I'm expecting those challenges. I will see those challenges. I will face those challenges and I will overcome them. I may not know how to overcome them right now, but I'll figure out a way. And I believe in myself enough to figure out a way to overcome them no matter what. So basically it's like drawing a line in the sand. It's making that decision. It's making that decision that you will achieve this. And it doesn't matter how long it takes. It just means you're You're going to do whatever it takes to get there.

Yeah, I love that. And, you know, when it comes to commitment, there's different levels of commitment. And really, levels isn't the right word, but there's different areas you're going to make commitments in, right? And so foundationally, you need to commit to yourself in this journey. Now, if you've already done that commitment, right, and you're already committed to it, and a lot of you, you know, you're in Broken to Unbreakable, like, You've been around, you've done this work. That's awesome. There are other things that you can commit to. So the 3 main areas that we specifically do what we're going to talk about today, this specific exercise in, are recovery. So just straight out, you're committed to you, your journey, your healing, and fully recovering. Sobriety, right? So from any sort of addiction or compulsion or bad habit, basically, like your, your thing. And then relationships. And so those are the 3 times you're gonna hear us talk about an exercise that we're gonna talk about today called a commitment contract, but where you'll really hear us talk about commitment. So for those of you who have done your commitment contract, who have been committed, you know, to this journey and are staying committed to this journey, you know, have done this work there, I want you to think about if one of those other areas you can start to take the work that you've learned, the understanding you have of commitment, and apply it to, you know, sobriety or apply it to, you Your, your partnership, your relationship. So those are the other areas, among many areas that you can make a commitment like this to, but other areas we specifically, you know, hone in on when it— when we talk about commitment. So I love some of these shares on commitment, right? So commitment, continuing, not giving up no matter what. I love that. Commitment means willing to do whatever it takes to achieve the goal. I love that. Staying focused with determination and persistence. Love those words there. That's awesome. Commitment equals engaged to this. I'm all in. My energy is towards it, right? I love where everyone is at foundationally with commitment, right? It's a super, super important thing. If you're not committed to something, if you're not committed— and I love Brad's definition— to see it through to the end, no matter what. That phrase, no matter what, is really important on the recovery journey, right? Because it's really easy, you know, to lay in bed at night and say, ah, like tomorrow I'm gonna go for a 5-mile run and, you know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna eat really, really healthy and I'm gonna work on myself for 2 or 3 hours and I'm gonna do all this reading. It's easy to say that when you're warm and cozy in bed. It's another thing entirely to get up and actually take action on it. And commitment, you know, to me, part of it is where the rubber meets the road, right? A true commitment. You get up and you actually take the action where the rubber meets the road to actually Do the thing that you're, you know, to follow through, not just to say you're committed. Commitment is the action of actually being committed. Okay. So a little bit of a kind of a difference there.

And you can see that it's very easy to overlook, but in every, almost every definition that we've seen here, Jen's saying commitment means being, being willing to do whatever it takes to achieve the goal, right? So doing, right? Doing. Joe says, to me, commitment means doing everything possible to make what I want to happen and that I won't give up. Right. So doing mine was, I will do whatever it takes for as long as it takes until I achieve the goal. Right. So doing right. And when you break down the definition of it, that's like the most important piece. Like Kaylin said, it's easy to say, oh, I commit. But then when things actually, when you're faced with the decision to do something. Do you actually do it? Right. And true commitment is following through with, with what you say and aligning what you say with what you do. And I also want to say at this point, a lot of people can pressure themselves so much that they get paralyzed. So I want to say that it doesn't, it doesn't matter how fast you go, right? It just matters that you don't stop. Like there, there might be times where you're going through so much pain and you're going through so much anguish and Maybe you're just taking baby steps and maybe some days you're just, you're launching ahead and you're just forging ahead and crushing it, you know, like, and really, really just making a lot of progress. And to me, part of commitment is accepting that, is that, you know, some days will be better than others. And, but we're always striving for that goal, right? So you're not beating yourself up when you're not perfect, right? But you're focusing on, you're focusing on the progress. Towards that goal and you're never stopping. And it's funny that Keely said that. It's easy to say, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna wake up and run 5 miles, right? In the, in the morning or whatever. And I've recently gotten back into, into running for some of my kind of health and, and physical goals. And that is one of my, one of, one of the things I say to myself as I'm running, I'm just kind of like, Brad, the only thing that like, just don't stop, right? You just can't stop. You have to keep going, whatever it is, and you have to finish. the goal that you started. So like yesterday it was like 4.5, 4.7 miles or something, a loop. And right in the beginning there's this really, really steep hill and I'm like, Brad, just no matter what you do, just don't stop. And it doesn't matter how slow you go, just don't stop. And for me that means don't walk. Like walk means stop for me. So as long as I just kept like jogging and I made it around the whole thing and I haven't run that long in probably a year and I crushed it. And, but I set the goal. I committed to the goal. I told myself I was going to do it and I didn't stop until, until I achieved it. And that's just a good example or a good kind of reflection of commitment or a good, I guess, example.

Yeah. And I love it. Like, I love the saying, like, rubber meets the road. That's what commitment is. Commitment is not just saying it, it's doing it. And it's, it's, it comes down to the actual action. And like Brad said, it doesn't matter how fast you get there. You don't have to put pressure on yourself to get there. This isn't, you know, no one's going to be behind you. This is you. This is all you. No one's going to be behind you pushing you. This is you saying, I'm committed to this goal and I'm working at it, and here I am showing up and doing it. And I love what you mentioned about self-talk, right? So self-talk is going to be a really great element to really everything. It's a great addition because it's already there. And so, and it's something you'll hear us talk about a lot in mindset. Is that self-talk, that internal dialogue. And we're going to talk about that later in the week, right? But if you're in control of that and you can skew that to your benefit, you're going to be tremendously successful where you might not have otherwise, right? So Brad's saying like, just listen, he's convincing himself, you know, he's talking to himself, he's reminding himself of this commitment. Hey, listen, just don't stop. It doesn't matter. Just get around this. He ran around a mountain, right? But just get around this mountain. Just get up this hill. Just don't stop. That's all you have to do is just not stop.

Right.

And so you're taking these steps, literally one step at a time, to get to this ultimate goal. And so I'm going to share an example of commitment as it means to me in my recovery journey. And I remember doing this a very long time ago now, but basically at rock bottom and just saying, like, you know, there was a moment where I was kind of making the choice, am I going to continue trying, basically, or am I going to give up completely? Right? And I know many of you have kind of been in that position to have that choice. And I made the commitment in that moment. And later I made what we'll call— we'll talk about as a commitment contract to myself. But I basically say like, I am committed and here's why, and here's what that commitment means to me. So I am going to continue to get up no matter how many times I fall down, because I know there are other people that need to figure this out, that don't have the energy, don't have the resources to figure this out on their own. And I know not only for me and my future and my partner, like, I need to take care of myself for him and for, for me and for our future. You know, we're gonna have a future together if we're gonna have kids together, different things like that. I need to first take care of me. So that's one of my whys as I'm committed, right?

Mm-hmm.

And I know that once I figure this out, we'll figure out some sort of way to be able to share this. So that people at that rock bottom moment, you know, don't have to go through all this work. And so those were the things I thought about. But, you know, it, it, it is not, it's not that easy. It's not this fairy tale of like, I'm never gonna give up and it's gonna be great from now on. There were moments, and this is why we do a, a commitment contract. There are so many moments where I continued to have bad days. I continued to have nightmares. I continued to have flashbacks, right? It wasn't just perfect from, from there on out. And there were so many moments where, you know, my mind would kind of go back to like, is this something I really want to do? And I would refresh basically on that commitment. I would read that commitment contract that I'd written to myself and say, yes, this is what I want to do. And here's why. These are the reasons why. So let's pick ourselves back up and let's keep putting one foot in front of the other. Because I, I had fully given myself over. I gave my whole being over to the fact that I am going to achieve this goal no matter what. No matter what, no matter what happens, no matter what happens with me, no matter how many obstacles I face, no matter how many hard times I face, no matter how much, you know, lashback or bad feedback I get, or no matter how many people tell me I'm crazy, no matter how many people tell me I'm impossible. And that was elemental. That was crucial. Because if I didn't have the strong commitment that I made, that I had, the strong whys that I had, I would have sat in front of the 10th, 15th, 20th clinician, therapist, doctor that told me, Keely, this is impossible what you're trying to do. You're going to have to cope with this your whole life. And I would have eventually accepted that, right? There would have been a time where I was like, you know what? Everyone's telling me this. They're right. If not for that commitment. So the commitment, again, really crucial, really elemental.

Yeah. And now let's talk about how to actually make that commitment. Because if you, if you listen to what Kayleen said, she gave all reasons for herself, right? And that's a really important thing for everyone here to come up with your own reasons for you. Why do you want to commit to this? Why do you want to get better for you? And that's a really important piece because a lot of times we, we say we commit to something or we want to do something, but we're really doing it for somebody else, or we're doing it out of guilt because of somebody else or what somebody said, or Or out of pressure from what somebody else said, or like you think that you should be doing this or you should be doing that because of this or that, or you're trying to do it to make this person happy or that person happy or whatever it is. What you want to do is you want to remove all that noise and focus on you. Why do you want to heal? Forget about everybody else. Forget about them.

They don't matter.

Not in this regard.

They can't matter in this regard.

And the funny thing too is like, that may sound really harsh. But if you listen to what Kayleen said too, she's like, I want to get better because that's what she wants, right? Everybody here is a good person, right? Like none of us are going to go out there and be like, I'm going to heal for me. And like, like most, like I want to heal for me, but I want to do it for my reasons. And that will allow me to commit at a much deeper level. And at some point there's going to be a weakness in that commitment and it's going to be subject to failure at that point. But you want to focus on you. Why do you want this? Why do you want to get better? Why do you want to, you know, break the addiction? Why do you want to save your relationship for like you? Why do you want it? Right? Forget about everybody else. Block out all that noise. You know, block out all that noise. Why do you want to do it? Really come up with those, those reasons. Get quiet and really think for yourself because it is, it is really powerful and you'll, you'll feel the difference when you do something for you versus Out of guilt for somebody else or out of pressure from somebody else, and the commitment will be that much stronger.

Yeah, that is really, really super important because when push comes to shove, when things get hard— and then there's going to be hard moments, like, I'm not going to lie to you there, like, there's going to be hard moments— and when things get hard, you are like, at the end of the day, you're only guaranteed you and what's going on in you. Because there, there could be and might be and often will be times where that commitment is tested. And if it relies on something or someone else and not on your values and what you care about and your goals, basically, it's, it's gonna be subject to— I, I hate to call it weakness, but it's gonna be subject to kind of falling, falling through the cracks. So it's really important. So one thing I wanna talk about in regard to commitment is something called pain and pleasure, right? And we're going to touch on this because it's going to help you understand maybe why you haven't fully committed in the past. Because like, it's easy to say, well, like, of course I want, I want to fully heal, right? Like, of course I do. But you need something deeper than that. You need to know why you want to heal, right? Because of course you don't want to be in pain, right? But why do you? Why is it worth putting in all of this effort? To actually live a life free of PTSD? Because it's a lot of effort, right? This is not a pill. This is not an overnight fix. It's going to take work. There's going to be hard times. There's going to be good times. There's going to be all sorts of in-between. And you need to continue consistently with that work. You have to put effort into what's going on up here in your mind. You're going to have to put effort into changing your habits. You have to change your whole lifestyle. There's a lot of work. So why is it worth that work? So I want you to think about that why. Because it's gonna be specific to you, right? A huge driving factor for me was, you know, I, you know, when eventually in my life when I have kids, I wanna be that role model that, you know, can, has, has overcome these, these odds, has overcome these obstacles, right? I wanna be able to basically share that information and say, here's how you overcome basically anything, anything challenging. So you wanna have a firm why for it. Now, something I would encourage you to think about Is— and be honest about this— why have you not fully committed to recovery in the past? Right? Maybe you've dabbled. Now, I was in this position too, where, like, I, I, I was like, for all intents and purposes, I'm trying. I'm going to therapy once or twice a week. You know, I'm reading as many books as I can get my hand on. I'm trying. Right? But I wasn't, I wasn't fully committed. And there's a difference between those things. So I want you to honestly reflect, if you can kind of put the ego to the side for a second. And ask yourself, why haven't I fully committed in the past? And it might be because I don't believe that full recovery is possible. There might be things under there. So when you ask yourself, why haven't I fully committed? I want you to go a step further and ask yourself, what pleasure have I gotten from not fully committing to this? Now, this is a really interesting question, right? Because it's— you're like, what pleasure? Like, there's no pleasure in not committing to this. There is pleasure. The, for example, you know, if you don't fully commit to something, then you get the pleasure of not having to do the work, not having to go through the hardship, right? You get the pleasure of continuing to watch TV and eat whatever you want and binge on drugs and alcohol. That's pleasure. It's pleasure, right? And so human beings at a very, very fundamental basic level where we want to move towards pleasure and away from pain. That's how we're wired. We want to move towards pleasure and away from pain. So if there's a lot of pleasure attached. To you not having this commitment, you want to start to uncover that. And then what you want to start to do is say, okay, well, what's the pain of me not committing? And this is important. And there are a few times where I want you to drive pain in your life, and I want you to drive pain hard. And commitment is one of those few times where I want you to lay it all on the table. What basically, what is at stake if I don't commit to this journey? And these are the things that we tend to not want to look at because we know that they're there. We just tend to, you know, not look at them because they're painful. We tend to kind of run away from them. And so when I sat down to do my commitment, I basically asked myself, I said, Kailene, what's at stake if I don't commit to this right now? Like, my relationship is gone, guaranteed. Now, this is really important to me. My relationship is gone. Okay. I wasn't so concerned with, with my life. Right at that moment. But I was like, my relationship is gone. My one of my biggest goals in life is is raising a family that I can kiss that goodbye because I can't be a role model. I can't be a parent. I can't be a guardian at like the the way that my life is. That's gone. Okay. Now that was extremely extremely painful to me. I'm gonna put I'm gonna continue to push everyone in my life away. I'm not gonna have a relationship with my family. I'm gonna have no friends, no relationship with them, and Those things are gone. Okay. Forget having any, any dreams, any goals, any aspirations, making any sort of impact on the world. That's gone. I can't even, I can't even leave the house. Right. And so you start to kind of drive the pain and it's important to drive the pain. And if this is an emotional process, let it be because you wanna really look at what's at stake if you don't commit to this. It's not just, you know, not putting time in today. This is a, this is gonna be a lifetime of pain. This is gonna be a, a loss in huge senses of, you know, your confidence, your health. I mean, there's so much at stake, like your health, your wellness, your financial security, your family, your relationships. And so I, I really, I want you to drive that pain when you think about it, because those are gonna become your whys. Why do you wanna do this? Why do, why is it worth going through the challenges? Why is it worth all this effort? Why is it worth facing your past? Why is it worth the work that most people are not willing to do? Why is it worth the effort? And it can't just be because I'm telling you it is, because it's excellent on the other side, but you're going to need a little bit, a little bit more to kind of get that engine to kind of push you through those hard times. So I just wanted to share that.

It's so important. What are you going to lose? Right? What are you going to lose if you don't commit? If you keep doing what you're doing, if life keeps panning out the way that it's going, what are you going to lose? And it's not about beating yourself up. It's not about making yourself feel bad about all those things or anything in the past. It's about looking at reality. What is the reality of your situation if you continue to do what you do? Because like Caitlin said, we avoid those painful ideas, those painful thoughts, but those are the things that allow us to change. We want to use the power of pain and pleasure to our advantage. We want to view the pain of our current actions and make that so painful. The act of doing nothing, the act of, you know, not doing the work, of not showing up to these things. We want to make that so painful so that you are, you see, you see, you truly feel the weight of your actions moving forward. And then do you want to talk about the, the, the other side of the coin? Because you want to build the pain, but you also want to build the pleasure.

Yeah. So, so as much as you want to build the pain, right, and say what's at stake and use the ripple effect to your advantage here. Okay. My relationship is at stake. How is that going to make me feel about myself? You know, my future family is at stake. My current family is at stake. All of that's at stake. Where does that lead? Like, project out. Where does that lead down the road? And then the opposite side, you know, I want you to drive that pain first and foremost. And then what I want you to do is drive the pleasure on the other side. Okay, so if I commit, what's the pleasure of me committing? I just— that just saying that makes me stand up straighter. Okay. And sit up straighter here. You get self-confidence when you commit. You, you're gonna be able to save the relation. Now it comes from you first, right? You're gonna be able to save the relationship. You're gonna stop hurting the people that you love. You're gonna be able to reach those goals. You're gonna be able to secure a life for yourself financially or, or whatever that looks like in your future. You're gonna be able to build and cultivate healthy, deep relationships. You're gonna be able to make an impact on your community. And even if that's, and typically it is one person at a time, you're gonna be able to like, right? A rising tide raises all boats. You're gonna be able to lift every single person in your vicinity, in your physical digital vicinity, every single person, including your digital, right? Including like people in the group. You're gonna make an impact on their life.

Okay?

You are going to change the world. And I want you to look at it like that. You're, it's not just sleeping through the night. It's not just waking up without anxiety. It's being able to love your life, be happy every day, be at peace every day, bring that to the people around you digitally and physically. And that changes the world. It literally changes the world. So that alone is amazing.

Right.

I want you to think about how that would feel, right? And then how it would feel to have the absence of anxiety, the absence of fear, to be calm, to be at peace, to cultivate relationships, and then bring those out further and further to your goals, and then further and further and further project out. So what we're doing is we're weighing pain and pleasure. So we're making the pain really intense and the pleasure also really intense. Okay? And so that's going to help us drive in those hard moments to these actions. And so I want to give an example. I want to bring this back to like a daily example. We don't eat meat, right? So we still very much like meat. Okay? And so the way that I typically describe pain and pleasure is if you put a hamburger in front of me and you put a salad in front of me, I'm going to eat the salad. Now, that wasn't true 5 or 10 years ago. Okay, now I'm going to look at that hamburger and dang, does it smell amazing. Okay, the only thing I want to do is put that hamburger in my mouth, right? But I've changed basically what we're doing here with your recovery journey, the way I relate pain and pleasure to a hamburger versus a salad. So for someone who chooses the hamburger, the pleasure of eating the hamburger is greater than the The pain of eating the hamburger. So I see a hamburger, right? And although it smells good, I see a future heart attack. I see all the negative health consequences. I see you know weight that I don't want on. And when I look at the salad, I see energy that I get after the meal. I'm not going to feel sluggish after the meal. I see longevity. I see being around for my kids and my grandkids and my great grandkids, hopefully. Right? And so it's not that that burger doesn't look amazing. It's not that I don't want to eat that. It's that I've changed the way that I see that impact on my life. And that's what you want to do with your recovery journey. Okay? Drugs, alcohol, TV, it's still going to look tantalizing, but you want to take a second and think, what are the consequences of that? Why is this the most painful thing that I can do? Right? Why is showing up to Recovery Secrets the most pleasurable thing I can do? Okay, because there's a delay, right? You're taking this action now. You're not going to get immediate gratification. You're not going to get it. And so we have a saying, we call it love the lag. There's a lag between the action you take and the pleasure that you get. There's a significant lag between all of the action that I took to heal, to process my past, to build this mindset, and the life that I have now. There's a big lag, right? And so you want to lean into that and love the lag. And that's why that commitment is important. And to refresh on that commitment, to remind yourself, hey, taking these actions every day— life happens in the little moments, life happens day to day to day— taking these actions in the day to day, that's what gets me that life in the future. But you have to stay in the day to day. You have to remind yourself these will lead to that future. Okay? And so those little actions matter. So. Yeah.

And there's, there's micro lag and there's macro lag as well. So like going back to the salad example, or let's say exercise, exercise is, is kind of a better one. Right. So for, for exercise, there's like, when you're actually doing the exercise, it's pretty painful. It's pretty uncomfortable.

Yeah.

Like if you're just, if you're just looking at that, not super desirable, you know, if you're just looking at that action and nothing else, not super desirable. So there's a lag between you see the results, but the micro lag is You know, at the end of the workout, you feel energized, you feel refreshed, you feel focused for the rest of the day. The macro lag is like, you're gonna lose weight, you're gonna have even more energy, you're going to live longer. So when making the right decision, pain and pleasure, things like that, understand there is the micro lag and there is kind of, there is a shorter-term pleasure, but there still is a lag before that pleasure. And then the longer-term thing, obviously that's a, a longer period of lag. So bring it to recovery. If you're doing a processing tool, Yeah. It might not be that pleasurable when you're doing the processing.

Right?

But right afterwards, you'll probably get a sense of relief. Right? A deeper sense of calm, a deeper sense of relaxation. Now, it doesn't mean you're going to be fully healed after one processing session, but you're going to make some progress. And that's the, that's the micro, like the macro is that over the long term, you're going to feel calm. You're going to feel at peace. You're going to be able to do the things you want to do, have the relationships you want, all the things like that.

Yeah. And for those of you who that little voice in your head was like, well, I don't know if I'm worth it. Or I'm not worth it. We're gonna talk about self-love tomorrow. That's gonna come together on the journey. Okay? And so while kind of putting the pieces together, it's okay to rely a little bit on those external things to say, you know what, I'm gonna lean into this. I'm not sure yet if I'm fully worth it, but it's something that I want. And you're gonna, you're gonna see that deservingness again as we continue to go, uh, along here.

I wanna point this out. Linda says there's a hesitation, but yes. Yeah. And that's okay. And that's normal.

Very normal.

That hesitation usually comes with the belief of, I'm not sure if this is even possible. I'm not sure if I'm capable of doing this. Right. So that's okay. That's okay. But you taking that first step to commit, even with that hesitation, because with time that will, that belief will grow. You will believe in yourself more and that commitment will just grow stronger and stronger and stronger. So it's okay if there's a little hesitation there, or if you're not sure, that's normal.

That's okay.

That is perfectly okay because with each step you're gonna believe more and more. That commitment will grow stronger and stronger and stronger. But the most important thing is you're, you're taking that first step. You're making that first commitment, or I'm gonna commit, even if like you're like, I just can't get myself to believe that I'm going to commit to doing whatever it takes just to get a little bit better. Right? And as you get a little bit better, that belief will grow, your commitment will grow, and you will actually be able to see that finish line. So that's the goal.

Yeah, I love that. So to move into the action, What I want you to do, and I'm not gonna give you a framework for this because, you know, we, we've talked about a lot today and I wanna just allow you to kind of come up with what you come up with. What I want you to do is write yourself a commitment contract. Doesn't have to be long. Write your commitment to yourself, to this journey, to see it through all the way, regardless of the bad, so that you can have the good. And then most importantly, what I want you to do is I want you to sign it. So if you're gonna type it up, print it out, sign it. And put it somewhere that you can refresh on that commitment, so that you know if and when you know the world feels heavy and you fall down or whatever it is, you get off track. You can read that commitment. Make that commitment so compelling to remind you with the goal in mind. It's going to be a reminder when times get hard. That's what mine was. That's what mine looked like. Just says something along the lines of like, "I, Kayleen, commit 100% of my energy to blank blank blank." Because of, and I wrote all the reasons why I'm committed, what I'm aiming for, the goals that I'm aiming for, so that I don't, right? So that I don't have all this pain, so that I don't continue to hurt the people that I loved. And I'm committed to myself. I'm committed to, you know, my community and to get all these goals. And I'm going to do whatever it takes, you know, even if, and I wrote that in that there as well. And again, I want you to do this in your own way, but even if I, you know, I have I continue to have flashbacks. Even if I can't sleep through the night, I'm going to continue to chip away at this. Even if I fall down, even when I fall down, I'm going to continue to get back up no matter what. And then sign it and date it. A really super powerful thing. So that's your action for today, to write that commitment contract in some way, shape, or form.

So 3 things for your commitment contract, right? Everything that we kind of discussed today is going into that commitment contract. The first one was the reasons why, and I'm just, I'm just summing up what Kayleen just said. Include the reasons why you want to fully recover. Include the current pain, the pain if you continue down your current path. And then 3, even if, right? So even if this happens, even if the problems, so then you list all the problems. So even if these problems happen, I will commit. Right. So one word of the reasons why, why, why One was the pain if you continue down this road. The third one is the commitment, even if you face all these problems, right? So the why, the pain down the road, and then even if.

Super, super powerful. And sign it. There's something, there's something that happens when you, when you physically sign a document. Like, what do you sign, right? What did you think about the things you physically sign, especially nowadays? Probably almost nothing, right? You know, you sign the mortgage on your house, you sign the lease on your car, you sign important things in your life. This is that important. Important enough is a contract to yourself. The most important contract that you'll ever, ever sign is, is this one, because it's commitment to yourself and your future and your life. Super powerful.

And you're making that personal accountability. No one else on this journey will hold you accountable. No one else can. You have to learn how to hold yourself accountable to your commitments. And this is the first step. This is you saying, I will commit to myself. This is you saying, I will hold myself accountable. I will do the right thing when I'm alone, when no one else is watching. I will take responsibility for my life, for my problems, and I will do what it takes. No matter what anybody else does, no matter what problems I, I face, I will, I will personally take on the burden and I will personally take it to the finish line, right? It's not up to anybody else. It's up to me. It's up to my actions, what I'm going to do. I'm going to hold myself accountable. I'm going to take responsibility and I'm going to get this done regardless of anything. Doesn't matter if anybody supports me. Doesn't matter anything because I'm doing this for me and I'm going to get this done no matter what.

I love it. Okay. So Judy asking, what was that saying about a rising tide raises all boats? So that, that's the saying, a rising tide lifts all boats, right? And so to kind of put meaning to that is, you know, the tide is, is one thing. It goes, it goes up, right? That one thing raises all of these other things. So I remember going to Ireland quite a few years ago now. I don't know how many years ago, maybe 7 or 8 years ago now. And the tides there were like way, way, way dramatic, right? Here in Rhode Island, they're, you know, a couple of feet. And there they were like in some places hundreds of feet, right? And so if they're hundreds of feet, you know, you're looking out at low tide and all these boats are on the ground. They are on the ground. Like, Tipped over on the ground. It was the wildest thing ever. The tide comes in and all the boats go up. All the boats get lifted off the ground. They're all now safe and kind of whole again. And that's that's kind of the the saying there. Yeah, Joe, that's a great saying too. Insanity, right? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Absolutely. Good job, Nancy. Nancy, I love this. I deserve love and I will keep showing up no matter what. That's what we want. No matter what happens. You know, we want you to show up and keep putting this time in for yourself. Amazing. So Alina asking a question. I never had night terror, but lately I started it. Is that meaning I'm healing as more memories are surfacing from a deeper level? So this is a good question. This can happen sometimes. You know, I think of it, you know, we start to kind of stir what's going on in there. And I, I do want you to use it as an indication that you've, you've made some sort of change. Right? So if you've had a change in something, you're doing something that's created that change. That's good.

That's good.

That's progress. And so the way that I describe, if you have a nightmare or night terrors or anything like that, what's happening is your brain does a lot of processing at night. Okay? And so specifically in that REM sleep, your brain's trying to make connections. And the reason that we have nightmares, we have dreams, is nightmares are their dreams is your brain's trying to make sense of, of things. It's trying to process that information, whether it's trauma or, or non-trauma. It's trying to process that information. And when that information is the way I described it, is just like a little bit too much for your brain, you're going to wake up and that process is going to be interrupted. So I want you to kind of consider that a good thing. Your brain is trying, your brain's saying, hey, like, here we are, like, we're trying. And then it just, it gets a little overloaded, a little kind of overwhelmed. And so you wake up. And so that's that thing that would normally get processed doesn't get finished. So, so, Lina, I know you have the processing tools, you know, with that in mind, you can start with whatever, you know, if, if you're remembering what you're waking up from, you can start with that when you go to do your processing. Bilateral will be a great one there because your brain needs a little bit of help with, you know, it's that REM is getting interrupted. So you might wanna start with bilateral there. But again, I want you to take it as like, okay, like I know it's really, really super scary, right? But I want you to take it as like, hey, this is, this is a good thing. Something's changing, something's shifted. And then use that as, as more data and more information. Great question.

Yeah, it can be, it can be scary. You know, when you start to do the work, you start to open yourself up and then you start feeling these emotions that you haven't felt before. And it may feel like you're taking a step backwards, but really you're taking steps forward. You're taking steps towards it. So that you can heal it and lean on, you do have the tools. It's important to know that, you know, those things are, are going to come up and that it's progress, right? And that pain is your friend. And now, now you have something to work with, right? Whereas before it was a total unknown. Now you have that information. Like those night terrors are giving you the data for you to start the processing during the day, right? So that you can heal during the day. And so your brain doesn't have to get overloaded at night and do the processing at night. You can now work on that exact problem during the day. So don't worry about it. That's a good thing.

Yeah.

It's normal.

And that's when we talk about, that's the lag, you know, and when you're, when you're doing the work, it can be painful. It's not pleasant, but if you stick at it, if you do the processing, you will feel amazing afterwards. And I totally agree with Kayleen with the bilateral. That's an excellent place to start with this charged memory or charged something like the charged experience, like the night terrors. So. Yeah.

Yeah. That's, that's a really awesome one. Use it as a map. Basically, anything that happens is data, and you just add it to this map. Your brain is going to tell you a lot of times what it needs, right? And I used to get really frustrated with this because for whatever reason, some people just express a lot in their sleep. And that was me for sure. Even now, actually, now it's like good stuff. I'll laugh in my sleep and stuff. So I'm very expressive in my sleep, and I always have been. And obviously, when I was struggling before I had healed, that was all very negative and scary stuff. And, you know, it really used to frustrate me when I used to process things, and then all of a sudden I would have like a, like a new nightmare. And I'm like, who the heck? Right? And then eventually, you know, with basically mindset work, we were able to say, hey, listen, hold on. Your brain is telling you that. Now I was, I was able to gather that data and say, oh, wait a minute. Okay. So if, if something happens and I use this on my journey, and, and again, now it's, now it's a moot point, but I, it was like, oh, if I have a new sort of dream or nightmare or whatever it is, My brain is telling me it's trying to do this thing and it needs a little bit more help. And it's beautiful once you know the tools to be able to do that.

Yeah.

Even if the night terror itself isn't the exact, like, isn't a real memory or something, it gives you the starting point. And once you start doing the processing, you'll start uncovering more connections and the underlying reasons for it.

Yeah.

Which you, which you probably know, Lena, but just wanted to point that out just in case. Dale says, is the commitment contract a A first step towards recovery, or is there a more basic step to start? So this is the first step that we have always, all of our clients do right in the beginning is, is to make the commitment to themselves. And like I said before, if you don't fully believe that, you know, full recovery is possible for you, you can make a smaller commitment. Like I, I commit that I will always, I will always take steps forward. I will, I, I commit that I will never stop trying to improve. You know, if that is too much of a leap for you. But some kind of commitment to yourself that is believable, right? Because it's important that it's believable because if you make a commitment that's not believable, how are you going to stick to it? Right? So it has to be believable with the underlying reasons that support it. But that really is the first step. And it's important to challenge yourself on this. It's important to challenge your thinking on this, especially if, if you've been suffering for a long time, you know, that, that belief can grow so strong that I can't do this. I'm not capable, or it's impossible, or, you This is a, this is an ailment or a disease or something that I will have for the rest of my life and there's nothing I can do about it. Those might all be inputs that you've received that are supporting this belief that you can't do it or that it's impossible. So it's important to start challenging that belief within you that thinks it's not possible. And sometimes it's just projecting out and being like, okay, what if, what if this was possible? What if I could get better? What would that look like? And start imagining that, start exploring that. And that will start breaking down these other beliefs. I would encourage you to try to explore and just be like, hey, what if? And you don't have to fully believe, but just say, what if? You know, what if I can get better? And that will start to break things down a little bit. And then just continue to show up. But I would say, yeah, you write, write a commitment contract that is believable to you. But that's always the first thing that we have everybody do.

Yeah. The only other thing we would do before then is like recovery tools, you know, just like coping and, and, you know, getting that, that those little bits of relief. But what Brad talked about in regard to You know, inputs, right? And beliefs. We're actually going to cover some of that material later in the week. So this, in our mindset boot camp week, again, where the goal is to give you a really strong foundation. Now, again, we're covering some really, really big topics in like a small amount of time, but it's going to give you the foundation. And then we're going to continue to build along that or on that as we continue with the coaching. Mindset is, is one, one of those things that it's so fun because no matter what level that you're at, if you're just beginning on this, Or, you know, you've been around the block on this, you're always going to get something new to take and you're always going to be able to elevate it to the next level. So Joe sharing, I'm drawn to you both as you were telling me what I need to hear. That's awesome. You know, it's not always going to be typically what you want to hear, but it's, it's absolutely what you need to hear. And, and, you know, a big reason that we do what we do and the way that we do it is, you know, we used to ask ourselves a lot in creating the content. You know, we could go back and talk to ourselves at rock bottom. What is the information that we needed to hear? You know, if we could go back and kind of do it over, what would we need to know and what steps would we need to take and in what order? And it's been amazing to be able to create that roadmap.

It's just about being honest. And the facts, the facts, unfortunate fact is that many people out there are more than willing to give you what you want to hear, not what you need to hear.

Yeah.

And to me, that's, it's detrimental to you and to like the person who's not telling the truth, who's just being dishonest about what you need to hear, you know, for their character and self-respect and things like that. And like, I couldn't not tell you the truth. We're going to be honest and sometimes it'll, it'll hit harder times than others. We're going to try to be tactful about it, but sometimes it's going to hit hard. Sometimes it's going to sting. And that's sometimes what you need to hear. You know, like some of the best things in my life were things that like kind of rattled me a little bit because it really shook my belief system and changed me in a huge way. And nothing but honesty will do that.

So I love that.

And Dale says, thanks, Kayleen and Brad, you're doing important and enlightening work.

Here to help, here to give back. That's the most important thing, to, to reach a hand out and help you all up to, to this, this full recovery finish line. And, and you keep chipping away, and it does start with the commitment. You are going to get there. Now, we talked about commitment today, which is just scratching the surface of beginning kind of mindset work. Tomorrow we're going to talk about self-love, we're going to talk about awareness, we're going to talk about thinking, positive, negative thinking this week. And we're going to talk about beliefs. Now, for those of you who, who know, those are some very, very big topics. So we're really looking forward to getting the foundation of those topics into your hand this week. So continue to show up, continue doing an amazing job. Each and every one of you are just doing fantastic. Thank you so, so much for being here because it's so, so, so important to say, hey, this is possible and give that little bit of hope and wait, if they can do it, maybe I can do it. Right? So when you win, everybody wins. So that's what I have for you all. I can't wait for the rest of the week.

Take action. Write your commitment contract. Put it somewhere where you can read it regularly. Get it done.

Get it done. And then review that. Continue to review that. Okay. That's what we have for you all. We love you so much. We believe in you, and we'll see you tomorrow bright and early.

See you tomorrow.

Bye, everyone.

Hey everybody, thank you so much for listening to this podcast. If you want to learn more about how you can coach with me directly, there's a link in the description you can check out. There's absolutely no pressure. The main thing is I wanted you to get value from this episode here, but I hope you have a fantastic day and I'll see you in the next one.