#60 Rewire Trauma With This Simple Affirmation Formula | Recovery Secrets Series

Welcome to the Overcoming PTSD Podcast. My name is Brad Schipke, and this is the limited series called Recovery Secrets Daily Coaching. Now, these were private sessions that I originally ran as a paid coaching program, but now for the first time ever, I'm making all 100+ sessions available for free for all of you podcast listeners. And this series is over 100 days of practical strategies that have helped thousands of trauma survivors fully heal. So make sure to subscribe because I'm dropping a new episode every single weekday until the archive is complete, and you definitely do not want to miss it. So without further ado, let's dive on in.

All right, we're live here. Welcome everyone to our daily recovery— daily Recovery Secrets daily coaching call. It is so good to be here with you on this lovely Tuesday morning. We have an awesome topic prepared for today, but if you're going to be joining us live, feel free to say hey in the chat box so that we can welcome you and we can engage throughout our session here today. We yesterday talked about something that was really, really fantastic, which was the basic premise of if you don't control your thoughts, they're going to control you for better or for worse. And what we're talking about today is going to build off of that just a little bit. And what it's going to help do with what we're doing today is reinforce the control that we're working to gain, especially at the beginning of this journey in our minds. So a lot to talk about today. Big, big topic that we're going to make Very, very straightforward. And we're so, so excited for that. So this lovely man to my right.

Good morning, everybody. I am Brad. It's great to be here. As always, I'm so excited for today's topic. Again, as always, great to see you guys bright and early showing up. Yesterday was a great topic. And today we're going to be taking that a step further on how to bring that into your routine. So if you were here for yesterday, we kind of had you pick a phrase, right? A specific phrase to help, to help you basically cue your mind to start thinking more positive, positively, and just taking control of your thoughts instead of them controlling you. So today, we're also going to start building in the habit of affirmation. So today, we're going to talk about, you know, what kind of different processes you can do to build it into your routine so it fits best for you, why it's important to do that, and also how to actually craft affirmations that are powerful for you because it's, it's much different than just writing down some words you find on a blog post online. It actually goes deeper to actually make it impactful for you. So I'm excited for today.

A lot to cover, including the formula for affirmations, which is probably one of my favorite things because so many people can get affirmations wrong. And not so much wrong as in you're not going to do damage by doing other kinds of affirmations, but you're not going to get the benefit that so many people will talk about when it comes to affirmations. And when you can make a small tweak to ensure that you get the benefit of affirmations fully. So welcome, Tatiana. Welcome, Judy. Welcome, Lorena. Welcome, Bonnie. Welcome, Helene. Welcome, Joe. Great to have each and every one of you here with us today. If you want to let us know in the chat box if you were here with us yesterday, what your phrase was, just to help you reinforce it a little bit further. And it was so fun yesterday to hear everybody's phrase and everyone's, you know, thing that they were going to say to themselves or thing that they say to themselves in regard to what was the positive thing that was going to help you kind of get control. And I remember Bonnie— I'm going to pick on you again— Bonnie sharing the one Right. I am, I am a hero. Right. And I was, I was thinking about that today because yesterday on our session, I had said, imagine that's your first thought when you get out of bed. I am a hero. Right. You have that thought first. It's going to change the trajectory of your day. So a lot of awesome, awesome lines. And I did a post yesterday in the community here, kind of prompting to see if, you know, if you didn't get the chance to join us live or if you, you know, just didn't come up with yours yet to get some ideas going. And that was awesome as well. So this topic today, it's all about habitualizing affirmations. Now, affirmations. I remember hearing about affirmations for the first time many, many, many years ago and kind of throwing my head and kind of throwing my hands up and being like, that sounds silly. That sounds really super silly. And then I started to kind of look at the, the science behind it. And I started to look at just like gratitudes. Like there's, there's studies done on doing affirmations and what doing, you know, 3 to 5 affirmations a day can do. quite literally in your brain, but in regard to your outlook and your mindset and your productivity and all sorts of stuff like that. And so then I started to kind of, I kind of warm up to the idea and I kind of started to come around to the idea of like, okay, well maybe this is something that I should try. And then for a little while, you know, I tried to do some affirmations and I basically looked online. Like, I don't know if you literally already said this this morning, or this is from an old conversation. I basically like found a blog post. Yep. Yep. Right. That was like, okay, like here are 10 affirmations you need to tell yourself. And again, while they're not the end of the world, they're not going to damage you in any sort of way. It was, I love myself and I'm great and I'm awesome and I'm super and whatever it kind of was. And they were very, very simple and very, very straightforward. Again, not a bad place to start. And so I started kind of doing these, what we'll call blog post affirmations. And I just, I really wasn't feeling it. I, you know, I committed to doing it every day, twice a day, and it really wasn't having the impact that I wanted it to have on my life. If anything, it was more of a chore. Than anything else. And not only was it a chore, but I was not getting any sort of benefit or result from it. And so it was like, okay, is this really worth it? And then, and to be honest with you, I'm not exactly super sure how this information kind of came about and even how we kind of stumbled on this idea of the formula for affirmations. But eventually I kind of started to figure out, okay, these are canned affirmations. There's someone else's affirmations that someone has said, hey, this is what you should do, or this, you know, would be probably a good idea. So, so go down this path. And eventually we kind of stumbled onto this, this formula for affirmations, which we'll talk about in a second, but which basically takes a belief and adds a reference and adds feelings. And basically what you're going to be creating is you're going to take something from I love you to I love you because all humans are capable and worthy of love. And that makes me feel— it makes me feel like I'm at home, like as, as an emotion, right? It makes me feel excited. It makes me feel at peace. And so you take it from I love you and just kind of repeating I love you, I love you, I love you over, over and over again in your head, which again, it's not going to do any damage. And for some people might have some benefit, but you're taking that and you're making it incredibly, incredibly strong. And once you start to get that strength in it, you're going to start to get the ball rolling a lot quicker and a lot faster in regard to getting the results from the affirmations.

And what makes it strong is, again, because you can It's an affirmation is more than just words. Like Kayleen said, I like how you said blog post affirmations. Like you're basically just saying words and it doesn't have any meaning to you. It could have meaning to you. And that's an important kind of distinction there too, is like, if you do have these, what Kayleen said, blog post affirmations, they might have meaning to you. But a lot of times we take, we take these actions just because someone told us to take these actions and we don't really understand why. We need to take these actions or why we want to take these actions. So we're kind of just going through the motions, right? But you're not actually feeling it. There's no meaning behind it. There's no emotion behind it. And basically the affirmation kind of formula that Kayleen just shared, the big differentiator is it makes it personal to you and it adds a sense of emotion. So like the affirmation, I love you, when you say that to yourself, or I love myself, whatever works best for you, like that could be Like a good affirmation if it actually makes you feel positive emotions and you allow yourself to feel those positive emotions as well. So it's more than just a chore. And that's when, like I read in in the comments, Tanya said, "You said sorry, it's not scrolling up now." I have a hard time sticking with this, I believe. And a lot of times it's because like these things start to become chores and you don't actually see a positive benefit from it, or you don't actually feel better from it. And that's how it used to be for me until I started actually putting emotion to it or crafting affirmations that gave me that positive emotional response. So that I actually felt better after doing it, which gave me that reward for my effort. And I could see the change in myself because I was doing it in an effective way. So the, we'll talk about how to actually build it into more of a habit so that you can stay consistent, consistent with this, because that ultimately is the best thing. It's like, you can know how to do affirmations.

Mm-hmm.

You can know why they're important. You can know, hey, I need to attach emotion to this to make this personal to me. But if you don't actually stay consistent with that on a daily basis, it's not really going to move the needle that much. It's not going to have a negative impact if you only do it once, but the real power in these things are doing them consistently over a long period of time. So we did do, we're not going to dive super deep into how, right? We're going to kind of talk about how to actually build this into more of a habit. There is an old post, old coaching session that we did that you can view on the platform where we went super deep. On how to actually craft the affirmations through the equation, right? So all the different pieces in there and how to visualize it, how to feel the emotion behind it and everything. So that would be a great refresher to learn affirmations on a deeper level. And Kayleen's going to pull that up right now so we can help you reference that. But today it's going to be how do we build that into a routine? So I'm going to tell like a little story about like how, how we built this into a routine. And I actually just this weekend, I was clearing out one of our closets in our house. And I save all of my goals. Like, so when I write all my goals down, I've written them on different things throughout, throughout my life, but I save everything. So I have these, like, I have this box filled of like pads and old journals and old Unbreakable planners for those of you who know what that is. And cause I like to look back on them and reflect on my goals and things that I did to see how I've, I've been progressing. And one thing that I pulled out was an old notebook of affirmations. And in there it was a full, I think it was like, I don't know, like the whole notebook itself. It was like 6 months of affirmations and I did it consistently for that entire time. And now it looks different for me, but 'cause I do, I do affirmations kind of in a more free flow form in my nightly journal, along with my goals and other things and what I've learned. So I do it in a little bit more of a free flow form, but in the beginning I found this notebook. This kind of like, I think it was a bright pink notebook that you got me from the dollar store where I just wrote, you know, 10 affirmations, the same 10 affirmations every morning and every night. And that is kind of what we're looking for here. And you don't have to do it every morning, every night, but getting it into a habit, right? So generally, if you've stuck with us for a while, we have, we talk about having a morning routine and an evening routine generally, because those are very Good spots in your day to build habits. Like everybody wakes up, everybody falls asleep, right? Those are very good kind of anchors to kind of cue habits for you. So that is where we would recommend you starting when doing affirmations, plugging in in the morning and/or at night. It's always great to start your day with some affirmations though.

It is. And we were just talking about this. The reason that we're doing this session today is because Brad kind of pulled out that journal, and he had kind of asked me, you know, like, how impactful was this in your life when you did this? You know, really, how important was it? And in our program Broken to Unbreakable, it's something I press really hard on. And it's easy to miss. It's easy to miss because there's so much in that program, right? But it's easy to not do because it takes a decent amount of effort. And, you know, when I was on my journey and I was basically doing all this work for myself, like long before we had known the path and created the path and all sorts of stuff like that, I would spend, I mean, sometimes 20 minutes doing stuff like that, doing affirmations and doing goals and writing kind of, you know, whether it's my to-do list or things I want to accomplish that day, all sorts of stuff like that. Honestly, typically bare, like, or minimum 20 minutes. And I would spend that time in the morning and I would spend that time at night. And it was, it was a lot of work. And it, and also what I realized every single time when I got done doing it, I felt great for doing it.

Mm-hmm.

Like I got the immediate reward of it feels good to have done this. And then I also know long-term this is going to make a difference. And it really does make a difference, especially, you know, I, I do wanna pull out the whiteboard and we'll just go over the affirmations formula. But if you're building affirmations based on the biggest beliefs in your life that you wanna change, it's gonna help you change those beliefs a lot faster. Now, processing typically, depending on where you're at, still needs to be done for those beliefs. You know, you're still gonna need to do some sort of processing to make sure you fully heal that. But regardless of if you do that processing or not, it's going to help move the ball forward a lot faster and a lot sooner. And so although it took me, you know, 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes at night, whatever it took me, it took me a decent amount of time. It was well worth the effort and then some. And also what I knew and what I understood at that time was that this is not necessarily a forever commitment. I don't have to commit to doing 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes at night forever. What we're looking to do, especially in the beginning of this journey, but basically while we're healing, while we're still on the healing journey, is we're trying to get to the part where we're healthy and healed as fast as possible. And the faster we can do that, the better. So the faster you get out of this, basically out of the healing journey and then into just the part where you live your life, the better. And so the more time you spend on this, right? Brad said you don't have to do this morning and night. You don't have to, you don't have to do any of this. You don't. I would absolutely encourage you to do this morning and night, right? And I would encourage you to, as much as you can, just stay disciplined with it. And there's going to be nights that you miss and mornings that you miss, and you're a human being, and that's all part of this process. But the point being, it's worth the time. It's immediately worth the time, and it's long-term worth the time because you don't have to do this forever. So this is one of the few exceptions to routines where I want you to add it to your routine, but you don't necessarily have to say, I'm committing to doing this for the rest of my life. Because it's not always going to be necessary. Now, you might want to keep some like small parts of this practice, and what we're recommending, or what I'm recommending, and you're going to have to make this decision based on who you are as a learner and what works best for you, is writing those 10 in the morning, 10 at night, the same 10 in the morning, the same 10 at night for a certain period of time. I used to do basically 10 in the morning, 10 at night for a couple of months, and then I would change them if I felt like They were either getting— they were either changing, right? The beliefs were changing for the better, and I didn't need those affirmations anymore. I would replace, you know, one with a new affirmation, or I would change the way that they were worded so that I could get a different angle with the same impact on that affirmation. And again, with the idea that this is something you're going to do for your healing journey, but it's not necessarily something that you have to continue for the rest of your life. Now, It becomes habitual, right? Not necessarily the writing. I don't sit down and write 10 affirmations every morning and every night anymore, but the affirmations themselves become habitual, right? And so you'll just be going through your life and you'll notice that they start to come in as thoughts, and that stays with you far after your healing journey. So I want you to think about basically all the work that we're doing on the healing journey as a deposit, but to get you out of this healing journey thing, this thing we're calling the healing journey, as quickly as possible. And then Everything that you've done on this healing journey becomes habitual and allows you to live your life at a much higher level than than most people ever get the chance to. So again, the affirmations will become thoughts. It'll continue far after this healing journey. But the work that you put in right now in regard to writing them and crafting them, and whether I mean you can also speak them, you can listen to them. There's all sorts of ways that you can do this as long as you're doing it. But the time commitment you put in now is going to increase the speed at which you get. Through this journey. And that's mostly true with everything that we talk about. You know, there's a certain element of time that we can't control, and we need to kind of get through certain things and good days, bad days, all sorts of stuff like that. But the more work you put into this journey, the, the faster you're going to get there. And that's one of the cool things about this journey is that it's correlated to the amount of work that you put in. And of course, we're guiding you in the right direction for the right work. We don't want you, you know, chasing your tail and running in circles. working like a dog, quite literally, and doing the wrong work. There's, there's wrong work that will kind of keep you stuck in circles or making very, very kind of slow progress. But everything that we're talking about here within this program, within Recovery Secrets, is going to help you make legitimate, actual, full steps forward.

I love that. So basically what you're saying is like, do it for a set period of time, right?

Yep.

How does, how does somebody determine for themselves Or how long should they do that for? The morning, evening, you know, kind of disciplined, regimented, write 10 in the morning, write 10 at night.

That's a good question, actually. I would say, and this is like, there's no metric for this, like until you don't need it anymore. There's going to come a day where you kind of look at those affirmations and you're going to be like, I got it. And you're going to feel them and they're going to feel true to you, but more than like true, they're going to feel like an absolute certainty to you. I'm going to run into the other room. I'm going to see if I can find, I think I might have one of my, my notebooks in there.

Okay. Can I ask you a question first?

Yeah.

So, so I think, I think it could also be helpful to give like a starting point, kind of like with processing, we say hit 100 hours. Like that is like your first kind of baseline.

90 days.

It could be, okay. 90 days of this.

Hit 90 days. And then, so commit to 90 days of this just because it's, it's a quarter. That's a quarter of the year. That's only a quarter of the year. Commit to 90 days of this. And then on that 90th day, sit and reflect. And what I might also encourage you to do is journal how you feel before you begin, you know, how you, how you feel about the process, how you feel about the affirmations, do it for 90 days and then sit down and do another kind of journal entry. And what you'll have is kind of a back-to-back, oh, here's how I felt when I started. Here's how I feel now. And you'll have, there's, that's a good enough period of time to start to cultivate some, some serious results.

Yeah. That's what I was thinking. That exact thing, 90 days as like a challenge. For you guys, like a 90-day challenge where you're going intensive. And I love the idea of like writing down, and here's, here's what I would recommend. Buy a brand new journal that has 90 pages or more, right? At least 90 pages. And I'm sure they just have 90-page journals, but that's—

And you won't even need one that big. I used to do 10 on the top of a sheet of paper, 10 on the bottom. So that was a full day. And then the back of the sheet of paper was the next day.

No, 'cause it's 90 full pages. It's not 90 front and back.

So it's 45. You really only need 45 pages.

Full pages, because you do it on the back too, is what you're saying. So I'm saying, because I count 90 pages as like in a book, page 1 is on this side, page 2 is on that side.

Yeah. So I'm saying the, the front of a page is one day, that's morning and night, right? The back of that same page is morning and night of day 2.

So she's counting one page as front and back. That's one page.

Yeah. So 45 pages.

Okay. So a journal that has 45 pages. Or more, but I would recommend getting a journal, whatever it is. And then on the first page of the journal, journal how you feel right now. Right. What are your emotions like? What are your thoughts like? Uh, you can go grab that now if you want. I just wanted to clarify that, like the 90-day thing. In first page journal, what, like, what do you feel right now? The emotions you're feeling, the average thoughts you're feeling, just everything to get a baseline. And then do day 1, day 2, day 3, day 4, day 5, day 6 at the top of the page. And then 10 affirmations on the top, 10 affirmations on the bottom of the page, flip the page over every morning, every night. And it will honestly, honestly change your life. And that is what, you know, I did. Kayleen did that and you'll feel totally different. And then at the end, just at the last page, do how I feel now. Right. So one thing I do want to say about that is that if you fall off and you miss a day, don't worry about it. Just say if you do it for 3 days, so you're on day 3 and then you miss day 4. Don't beat yourself up. That's, that's part of the process. And a lot of times we look at like when we mess up like that, or we miss something and we hyperfocus on the negative thing versus seeing that, hey, I did 3 days. I did 3 full days. That is 3 more days than I've ever done for affirmations. That's 3 days that I've been consistent that I haven't been able to do before. So even though you missed a day, just get back on the next day and write day 4. Hey, I'm, I'm on day 4. I did 4 days of affirmations. So if you miss a day, don't worry. It doesn't have to be like, the goal is to be consistent every single day, but if you fall off, don't worry about it. Just jump right back on. Kaelin's bringing out the whiteboard. So you're going to write the equation?

So I couldn't find that journal, but you get the point, right? So dollar store sells journals. It doesn't matter how long, how, how, how big they are. $1.50 they sell them for now. We got a really good deal. But I just want to give you an idea of the affirmation formula, right? And we, we have covered it in previous sessions, but I want to give you, for those of you who, who maybe don't remember, or actually let's ask in the chat box here, who knows the affirmation formula? Just a couple of letters, just the letters. Who knows the formula for affirmations? Formula for affirmations. And then I recommend starting with 10. 10 is a really, actually, I wouldn't go more than 10, probably. 10 is A lot of affirmations to be working with, and it's okay to work with multiple at a time, especially in a practice like this. To work with that many is, is a good idea. But if you want to just start with 3, if you want to start with 2 or 1 or 5, and then what you can do is you can kind of slowly add on to this practice. So if you're like, Helene, there's no way I'm going to sit down and write 10 affirmations every single morning, every single night. If that's what you're asking me to do, I'm just not going to do it at all. Start with 2, start with 2, right? 2 in the morning, 2 at night, or start with 1. Okay. And then as the weeks go on, now let me just add one more. Let me just add one more. Maybe you find your max is like 5. 5 is like the perfect amount of time in the morning. You're willing to make that time commitment in the morning and at night. That is better than not doing it at all.

Yeah. I would even say start, I mean, like one, just building and then grooving in that habit. If you just do one and you do that one really powerfully. And I'll just go through it right now before you jump into the equation. But how you, how you make it really powerful is by adding that emotion to it. And well, first of all, crafting, like Kayleen's going to teach you, crafting the right affirmation and then adding emotion to it. So step 0 is picking out the right affirmation for you. Step 1 is writing it down. So whenever, every morning, every evening, you open up your book, you write down that affirmation. After you write it down, visualize yourself experiencing that affirmation and bringing that forward in your life. And as you're visualizing it, step 3 is to feel it. So allow yourself to feel the positive emotions. And sometimes we really do have to allow ourselves to feel it. Like I would have to tell myself it's okay to feel this positive emotion. And sometimes that positive emotion also brings up some crying or, or tears, which is good. Like those, that's positive healing change. And you're actually doing some processing when you, when you add that emotional element to it, you're actually doing some processing right there. So this can be not only just great for your mindset, it's great for healing. It's great for processing. So you can think of it in 2 ways. Not only are you changing your core beliefs, but you're changing, you're, you're actually processing different things because those, those beliefs have certain traumas attached to them, right? Certain pain attached to them. And when you can start doing that affirmation and visualizing it and feeling it, You're really, really shifting that over. So I would say more than quantity, the most important thing is quality. Because if, even if you just do one a day and you really groove that in and you bring that into your next day and you imagine yourself bringing this one really powerful affirmation throughout your next day, that will change your life more than doing 10 and not really applying any of them to the next day. So just have a, like the minimum can be one. I'm going to do at least one every day. And then that is so easy that it's like, It's harder to not do it.

Right?

Like, it's so easy that it's not even a thing. It's not— there's no pressure.

And what you're gonna find, Brad's talking about this process of, you know, you're writing it, and then you're visualizing it, and you're feeling it. What you're gonna find is you— that's a kind of a skill that you build. And eventually, it just becomes one thing. And I remember doing my affirmations, and like, I was doing 10, right? And as I was writing it, I was able to visualize it and feel it. And so in that time, it took me to write that affirmation or write that sentence, I was able to also kind of visualize and feel it. And that's a cool thing, because you build that skill as you go along. And the other thing is, I do want you to work with, like, if you're going to work with one, do the same one. Do the same one. Because that's how you're going to make progress, right? There's a, there's like an old, I don't know, adage, phrase, whatever, that's like, if you chase 2 rabbits, you lose them both. I want you to apply that kind of mindset to this. If you're going to do one a day and you change that affirmation every single day, you're not going to make very much progress. It's going to be an absolute mess of chaos. And again, it's not going to do any damage to you, but we want to help you make progress and strides and steps forward.

I mean, that's, that's huge. You want to do the same one each day and really groove, groove it in. And like Bonnie said here, one of mine, I am strong and capable of handling whatever life gives me. I now hear in my head slash self-talk when things come up and that's the power of it. And I, I'm someone who likes to go deep on like affirmations. I found that what works best for me is I go deep on On things like whether it's one concept I'm trying to apply to my life. Like I can learn one thing in one week and then just apply it throughout the rest of the week and I don't learn anything else. It's just like, I just work on applying that one thing in all the different areas of my life. And that alone, if you just do one for 90 days and you go deep on that and you visualize it and you feel it deeply, like you spend 5 minutes like feeling it and visualizing your day, bringing that one thing throughout your day. It's going to be huge. And you might find you only need a week to really drill that one in. Right. And then at that point where you're like, I got this, this is in my head, I'm thinking about it all the time. Then you can add another one and then you can start doing those same 2. But again, keeping them the same, like Kayleen said, is so important. I love this practice. I love, I love how, how, you know, I love this 90-day challenge. I love how simple it is. And I love how powerful it's going to be because it's going to be harder to not do than do. It's so simple and it's so easy and it's going to change your life in such a huge way. Like, I'm really excited for it. I think I'm going to do it too.

I love that.

One thing and then just do it. Do we have a notebook?

I'm a notebook kind of person. We have notebooks everywhere. So I want to get into this, this formula quickly before we kind of wrap up. And Lena, amazing job. Ella, amazing job with this formula. So the formula is, and I'm going to write it in letters and then I explain what they mean, right? So belief plus reference plus feeling equals affirmation. So Your affirmation is a belief plus a reference plus a feeling. Okay, so that's the formula. So belief. Now I live for formulas. So does Brad, right? And so I will do this even when I write papers. I will basically craft my sentence. This is just like a little extra fun fact. I will craft my sentence before I have all the parts of the sentence. So if someone is asking me to answer a question, like in a paper, for example, I will write Yeah, I will restate the question and then write, this is true and this, and I will leave blank spaces because of blank, and that's why blank. And I will leave all the spaces blank because I live for kind of that formula. And then it makes it easier. All you have to do is fill in the blanks, and that is a, a really kind of cool world to live in. So your belief plus your reference plus your feeling, that's your affirmation. So I wanna give an example. Let's do an example here together. Someone give me an example of a belief. And for those of you who don't know what a reference means, I will explain it as we go along here. So someone in the chat box, give me an example of a belief. We're going to write this whole affirmation out. Now, the cool thing about this is if you plug and play here, it becomes the affirmation. You don't even have to add. So let's get an example of a belief. A belief, a belief, a belief. This is such a tight studio. I think we need to move back a little bit.

We have space.

I'm knocking into everything. We have backed ourselves into this corner. Probably because of the bookshelves and the camera is why we've kind of backed. We have another couple of feet on the other side of this camera. And I'm always like, I'm afraid I'm gonna like step on your foot. Here we go. Larry's sharing one. I am capable. So that's going to be our, our first part of this formula here. Okay. So that's going to be the first part of the affirmation. I am capable. Now, would you mind explaining what a reference is while I write I am capable on the board here?

Yeah. So a reference is just an experience that supports that belief, right? So you have the belief that I am capable. A reference could be for that belief, that a time in your past where you were actually capable, where it's a, it's an event where you embodied, felt that belief. So for example, I am capable. I could think back to a time where I was just off the top of my head. I faced a challenge in this business, or like I was trying to set up the website for Broken to Unbreakable, right? And I was able to figure that out. I was able to find the resources, find someone who could help me, and not even help me, just find the resources online. And I was able to figure it out myself, right? So that's an example. That is a reference that supports the belief I am capable.

So, so that's step 1. I am capable. So now we have our belief. Now, step 2 for our reference, right? So Larry, if you don't mind, and there's no pressure to do this, if you could give us a reference of a time. Now, this could be something that, I mean, we're kind of building this together as an example, but also for you, this is, this is going to be a super, super one, especially if there's a belief you need to work on. If you could share a time when you were capable. So again, a reference is a time where this, this was proven to be true, where you were capable, you were able to achieve the thing, finish the thing. Build the thing, whatever it was. And then we'll use that as our reference. And so what you're gonna see is we're gonna build this piece by piece. I am capable, and then we're gonna put the reference in. And typically this, this little plus symbol is gonna become a word like because, right? I am capable because, yeah, we're gonna put the reference in.

It could be like a specific reference, like a specific moment in time, or it could be like, again, for me it's like there, there are a lot of references in this one larger reference. Where, where I, I not only built the platform for Broken Through Unbreakable, but then all the other components for the business. So I could just be like, I am capable because I constructed all this tech and piece all together for this business. And that's like a big thing. It's, there's a lot of little things underneath that, that larger reference.

And I love that. Right. And so here's a really short statement, right? So Larry, I appreciate you sharing this because I get it done. And what I want you to do to go a little bit further with that, just for our example purposes, I will write You know, I'll kind of fill in the blank here, but I get it done. I want you to think of a specific moment where you got it done. So I am capable, and we're going to turn this and this plus into a because. Because, you know, I got it done, or I always get it done, right? I always get it done. And I want you to think of a certain specific instance where you got it done, right? Some moment, and a strong moment where maybe you didn't think you could do it, but you got it done. Or maybe it was a big Achievement, but you got it done, right? And so now we have, I'm capable. I know this is small and messy, right? I'm capable because I always get it done. And think about that specific moment, and you can write that specific moment. I'm capable because I was able to build that website. I was able to finish school. I was able to get that, that EMT license. I was able to whatever it is, right? I am capable because I always get it done. And then last piece here. And this plus symbol is going to turn into, and that makes me feel. And then what I want you to do is fill in at least 3 feelings and just be honest about how it makes you feel. It makes me feel, makes me feel loved. It makes me feel strong. It makes me feel like a provider. You don't have to stick to, you know, happy, calm, at peace.

Exhilarated.

Powerful, energized, like a provider, like, like the person, right? Like, I'm just like the best thing since sliced bread. You could put that there. It does. It could be absolutely anything.

And then you work to actually feel those emotions.

Right. And, and like sit in those emotions. And so then you, you have not just I'm capable, which is a great start. And that's typically where we'll get examples of canned affirmations is something like that. I'm loved. I'm capable. Right. But you turn it into, why are you capable? When have you proven to be capable? And there are moments in your life where you have, you're searching for them. You're fishing for those moments. I'm capable because I was able to finish the degree. I'm so capable, capable. I was able to finish my degree when nobody else thought I could, when I wasn't even sure if I could. And I did. And that makes me feel smart and strong and powerful and energized. Okay. And that's the whole thing. And that's what you want to be reinforcing each day.

Yeah. And you want to pick the most powerful reference you can find for this to start off with. On a side note, a way to go deeper is like when you're writing this, you would just write This affirmation as Kayleen described it here, right? One belief, one reference, three feelings, right? Now, after you write it, like I said before, you write it, you visualize it, and you feel it, right? Those are kind of the three things you want to bring to this. You write it, you visualize it, you feel it. You write it, you visualize it, you feel it. When you visualize it, you can also say this to yourself in your mind. You can rattle off, just like Kayleen did, different references. So that one is just your most powerful one. But to make it even stronger and dive that belief. Drive that belief even deeper, make that affirmation even more powerful. You add more references to it and they can just rattle off once you get one. And that's kind of the idea of it too, is like, like Bonnie said here, I am strong and capable because I did not give up when things were at the worst. You had something after that too, but I did not give up when things were at the worst. Right. I did not give up when this, I did not give up here. I did not give up here. I did not give up here. I did not give up here. And that shows that I am strong and capable. So you can start just rattling off different references, making it even more stronger. And when you add more references to it, it adds more logical reasons that you should believe or logical reasons why you believe that new belief. And when you add the emotion element to it, you change that belief on an emotional level as well. And that's why we want to feel the emotion and do the logical part of it as well. So the references provide the logic, and then you have to kind of allow yourself to provide the emotion to that.

So that's how you do it.

That's it. So to summarize, buy a notebook, do at least one affirmation a day, keep it the same, follow this formula. And every day, every morning, right when you wake up, if you want. And if you guys want to start using the phrase that you put yesterday as this first belief that you want to build, I would highly recommend that. That would be a great place to start. So yesterday you guys picked one single phrase for this belief. If you don't know where to start, start with that one. 'Cause that was the one where you felt most inspired by. So pick a belief, find a reference, add the feelings, write that down every day, feel it, visualize it, go deep on that one. And then when you feel like that one's locked in, or if you want to do more, like if one day you're like, I, I am pumped, I wanna do a lot of affirmations, you can do as many as you want, but have one as a minimum. Have one as kind of a grounding point. And that's the thing with this too. I would highly recommend making it the phrase from yesterday, 'cause then you're just gonna groove that in deeper and remind yourself, hey, this is the phrase that I want to go back to. that I want to constantly be saying in my mind, because it makes me feel the most capable and helps me really take control of my thoughts and things like that. So I highly recommend that being the one. So get that notebook, write how you feel on the first page, and then get started morning, afternoon, and day 1 through 90. And again, if you miss one, don't beat yourself up. Just hop right back on the horse. Understand no one's perfect. I'm not perfect. I didn't hit every single day. I doubt Kayleen hit every single day. Maybe she did.

She's freaking— I did pretty good.

She's freaking awesome.

I remember I was like camping and I was like, Headlamp. Like, I, I did pretty good with that, with that practice. I had a long way to travel.

So, so, but nobody's perfect. Right. And so, so understanding that even, even the best people in the world, they're just human beings. They're no different than you and I. We're all just as capable. It's just whether or not, you know, we're committed enough to just doing it and getting it done. So, and, and being kind to, kind to ourselves. Enough so that we aren't beating ourselves up so we can continue to learn from our mistakes and just get better. Right? So if you just, if you start today and this is your first affirmation that you've ever written, that is a massive amount of progress. So even if you just write one this morning, you forget this evening, you wrote one more than you did yesterday or ever before. Right? And then tomorrow morning, maybe you write it again and be like, I got to remember to do this at night. This is why I missed it last night. You're learning and improving. So mistakes aren't bad things. They are the things that allow us to learn and grow, right?

Absolutely. So I decided on my wall for a while that said, you know, mistakes are what allow us to grow and be better people. And like, we make mistakes all the time. I made a mistake.

Mistakes are good. You learn from them.

Like, you, you want to make mistakes. Yeah, you want to, because if you're making mistakes, you're trying to get to a different level. And also, you're just a human being. And so one last thing before we move into our Q&A here with these references, your reference Is basically just your because. So the belief, because, because. And so you can fill in a real experience, you can fill in a truth that you hold, right? And so one of mine at some point was, it was, I think it was an I'm loved, right? Or I love myself because, and now this was a truth that I held, and I held this truth, was every single human being on this planet is worthy of love.

Mm-hmm.

And at their core is good, is a good person and deserves that love. And it was a little bit shorter than that, but that was the because. And so that wasn't necessarily an experience that I had, but that was something that it was basically another belief, but it was something that I held as true and absolute. And so that was me applying that to myself. So I, I'm, or I love myself because, and you're filling in kind of the why there.

Yeah. And it can be helpful if you are spiritual or faith-based, you could add in something there. Obviously that, that is up to the individual, but that's another thing. Like if you can't think of a reference, that can be a reference for you. Or even just the way that other people think of you. Like my mom is the most amazing woman that has ever existed.

She is.

And there were times in my life where I didn't feel love. I didn't think I was deserving of love. And one of my references was like, my mom is so amazing and she loves me. And like, that is a reference for me that makes me feel like I am Good enough. I do deserve love. I am a good person. So it could be someone else that, that cares about you. It is the most powerful when it comes from you, because then it's not dependent on anybody. But it's, it's whatever works for you.

It can help guide you along the path.

Whatever gives you that most impact and get the— again, get the ball rolling. So that could be your one thing that provides the most, you know, emotional power to the affirmation. And that's what we're looking for the most. Like when you When you, you know, when you pick the right reference, when you like get this like kind of hit in the chest or this, or you feel like you're hitting your gut a little bit, or you're like, you feel some emotion in a good way. That's when you know that like you've struck an emotional chord and you want these affirmations to strike emotional chords with you. That's how you know they're powerful. They're not just words on a page. It's the emotions that are attached to the words on the page that make it powerful. So that's just another way you can do it if you're faith-based. But The emotional part is so powerful.

There's tons of ways, and I'll share one example, and then we'll move into our Q&A and talk about what we're talking about this week. We actually did this— I don't think it was this weekend, I think it was the weekend before. We have a really good friend who we hold in very high esteem, and we think he is just like one of the best people that have ever walked the planet, right? And we had kind of— we had a— we had gone to a barbecue with him, whatever. We're kind of talking about him, and we're like, wow, he likes to hang out with us. He like we like we see him in this very specific light. If he likes to hang out with us, we must actually be like good people, like like good people. You know, like we you know swear every now and then and and aren't perfect people, but but this guy wants us in his inner circle, and and that means a lot. And it was just one of those moments where it was like wow, like he he sees us for for who we are, right? Or he sees our hearts, and he doesn't see maybe action bad actions that we've taken in the past or. He just sees through all the murkiness and sees kind of right to the heart of a person. And that's really, really cool.

Yeah.

So you can use stuff like that as a kind of a sounding board to help you along this path to bounce off of, to say like, hey, like, and like Brad's mom is an absolute angel. She's unbelievable. And like, hey, like she loves me. And so if, if she gives me her love and I know how I hold her, I must be worthy of love. Right. And so there's all sorts of ways to kind of help you on your, on your way there. So amazing job with this session here today. Make sure you do those affirmations either right when we get done, or you can do one right now. You can just start with one right now. You can build your way up. There's all sorts of ways that you can do this. Tomorrow we're going to be talking about tracking processing. And so whether you're doing processing or you haven't learned processing tools yet, which we have covered and will continue to cover in our coaching, tracking is a really good habit. It's a really good thing to, to add to your processing because it's, it's going to quite literally help you stay on track, but it's going to help you see basically the progress that you're making. So whether you're just beginning and you haven't done any processing yet, or you've already been doing processing for a while, either way, it's going to be a great session to make sure that you're getting the most out of your processing. And then Thursday, we're going to— I have to say this again, huh? We're going to talk about lightening up in your relationships.

Having more fun.

Having more fun, basically. But really, it's more specifically lightening up.

Like you yourself lightening up.

Yeah, like how to lighten up.

Like take things less seriously.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So that's what we're gonna talk about on Thursday. And then on Friday, if you haven't gotten the chance yet, yesterday in the group in the Facebook community, I put out a poll for what our topic will be on Friday. And we have a couple of people who have voted already, but we'll leave that up for a little bit longer before we officially decide. So make sure you go and allow your voice to be heard in that poll. And, uh, we have an awesome, awesome week planned.

Yeah. I'm excited.

And we also did discuss yesterday that our next bootcamp, which won't be for a number of weeks, but our next bootcamp will be on boundaries.

So that's going to be an awesome—

that's something to look forward to as well.

Awesome bootcamp.

So if you have any questions, feel free to get them in the chat box there and we will get to them as we go along.

But great session today, guys. Great job showing up. Commit to that practice. I'm going to get a journal myself and I'm going to commit to that practice.

Here you go. 90-day challenge.

And also it'd be cool if you wanted to hold yourself accountable every day at the end of the day, snapping a picture, posting it in the community. I think that would be awesome and it'd be motivating for you. It would be accountability for you and inspiring for other group members.

So Judy asking, do you have the, do you have a thought on how to process and change the feeling of guilt that can come up when I feel good about myself? Like guilt because if I'm better at anything, I'm making somebody else feel bad. Does that make sense? It totally does make sense. And you're definitely not alone in, in feeling that feeling. That's something I felt at different points on my journey, that feeling of like, sometimes it's just foreign to actually start to feel good. And then sometimes it can be a feeling of guilty if, if, you know, you start to kind of feel happy, if you start to kind of feel at peace, if you start to kind of feel excited, it can feel like, it can feel very heavy at the same time. And so the kind of, the kind of short answer is what we want to do with that, Judy, is address it as something that needs to be processed.

Mm-hmm.

Because typically there's something behind that that is going to come from something core. It's going to come from the root of something. And if you haven't seen the processing boot camp yet, we only talked about one processing tool. Actually, we did kind of COVID 2. We talked about 2 processing tools so far in the Recovery Secrets coaching since we started this in the beginning. We talked about introspective healing, which is a processing tool we use, and we also talked about a tool we call protectors. Now introspective healing is always a great place to start because what introspective healing is going to do as a tool is it's either going to get you enough clarity to kind of have a click moment where everything falls into place, or it's going to give you enough clarity to figure out what tool you need to use next. So introspective healing might, you might, you might kind of do that tool and say, oh, I need to do some protector work on this. So that's what I would recommend is either just starting with introspection on that and seeing what's below the surface on that, because there's going to be some sort of root. And then if you find it, great, you still might want to do some protector work on it. If you don't, I would approach it as a protector as well, so that you can kind of start to just start to explore what's going on beyond that. Because again, there's going to be something just behind the surface there.

I think that's great. I think protectors, I was just, I was just thinking, I think protectors will, will help you really dive, dive deep to that and bring a lot of love to yourself because I think what it sounds like. Is like when you feel good about yourself, right? Which is a positive feeling. There's another part that feels bad and like provides you with, or inflicts, inflicts some pain to you to protect you from making someone else feel bad. So then it's like, why, why do I, why do I feel guilty? And this is just introspective healing, right? So like, I, I wholeheartedly agree with what Kayleen said. Like, why do I feel guilty? You know, when I feel good about myself and you already kind of got there to the first level because I'm, because I feel like I'm making someone else feel bad? Why do I feel like someone else— like, why do I feel like I'm making someone else feel bad? And then you'll go deeper and deeper. And that's the process of introspective healing. And like Kayleen said, you might find you want to do deeper work, bring that over to protectors, and you can even bring your protectors through that process. But that, that, that would be kind of the pathway there because ultimately you're the only person who will be able to discover it and heal it. We could, we could go on and like make all these different assumptions of like, maybe you feel guilty because of the X, Y, and Z, but the power is going to come from you asking yourself and really reflecting where does this come from? Because all of us are unique. All of us come from different backgrounds and there is no one-size-fits-all answer to, to our problems because we all have different experiences, different references that are supporting that belief and that behavior pattern. So love that. That was a great—

And sometimes what you'll find in the introspection is it might be kind of as simple as like a mindset thing. You might stumble upon like, hey, like this concept basically that, you know, my happiness doesn't inflict pain upon other people. In fact, it brings other people up. Right. This is something I used to experience in a couple different ways, and one of them was like, okay, if there are really tough things, as there always are, going on in the world around me, I can't be happy. I can't be excited. I can't be basically focusing on the positive because other people are really, really hurting. And I was able to, in some, in some, like, or in that area specifically, eventually kind of stumble on this, this truth for myself, which is, hey, like, if I'm happy, it doesn't take away anything from anybody else. And in fact, it brings the whole world up. And guess what? If I were the one that was really struggling and suffering, going through whatever it was, I would want the rest of the world not to focus on that, but to, to be happy and to— and the, the happier you are, the more you can provide guidance, the more you can provide help.

Plug— I didn't plug her, her computer in far enough, so the battery was getting low.

We gave him one job this morning.

I know.

Also, Lorena's question, she said we answered it, so I'm gonna let you read that. I'm gonna plug it into the wall.

Okay, it's plugged in now. I'm not sure if you saw it.

It's not chirping though.

No, nope. Oh, that's weird.

There it is. There it is.

It's going. So she said disregard my previous comment.

Oh, cool. Awesome. Larry's sharing. I can, I have gotten the job done. It feels great to finish this task. I'm excited for my next challenge. It will be a great day. That's awesome. I mean, that's really, really, really awesome. And I saw your other comment here, Larry, on being a cheerleader for myself is still somewhat foreign to me. It's kind of a skill. It's a skill and it's okay. And if typically at certain parts of the journey, but especially at more the beginning of the journey, If things are foreign to you, it's probably the direction that you want to go in, just to be honest with you. And I remember kind of when I started to become a cheerleader for myself, hating it. I hated every single moment of it, if you can believe that, because I was like, it just feels so silly and it just feels like, why am I even doing this? Life is so hard. Why be happy? Why be positive? Why pat myself on the back for these simple things? But it's a skill that you build and then you get really good at it.

Yeah, it's like Kayleen said, if you're doing something that's foreign to you, when you're feeling like— when you're in a place, like if you're in a bad place and you're doing something that's foreign to you, That's a good thing because you're doing something different. You're making a change. And if you do anything different other than what you've been kind of habitually doing that's been keeping you in pain, if you're doing anything different from that, that's good. That's a step in the right direction. And it's going to feel foreign. All these concepts, if you're doing something new, it's going to feel foreign at first, but then you keep doing it, you keep doing it, and that becomes your new normal. And then you, you step out, you step up another level, and then that's foreign to you. You step up another level, that's foreign to you. But then everything else behind you just like kind of feels like old hat. Like I've already done this. Like it all feels normal to you. So that's what kind of this, this journey is like is stepping out, stepping out, stepping out into that place where it's new, it's foreign. You're like, I'm not sure about this. This doesn't feel right. So the fact that you're, you're feeling that feeling is progress and it's a good thing. And I want you to see it as a sign of progress, not a sign as I'm doing something wrong. Right. And that can be often misinterpreted where like something feels foreign, something feels off, and then you interpret that data, right? As I'm doing something wrong. I need to be doing what feels right. Right. What feels comfortable. Keep doing the things that I've always been doing because that is what feels right. But that's the wrong kind of interpretation of that, that data or that experience. So I want you to look at that, the feeling of foreign and be like, that's good. That's right. That's what I'm looking for. I want things to be different. I want things to feel different. I want things to feel uncomfortable because that means things are going to get better. I don't want to, I don't want to be comfortable in where I am because it's not uncomfortable. It's the most painful thing I've ever experienced. So yeah, that's the, the kind of mindset you want to bring to that because you're making so much progress and that feeling of foreignness is so good.

And there's a difference between discomfort and pain, and there's a really, really big difference. And so whether it's working out or whether it's, you know, you're applying it to your life in general, seriously, there's a difference between discomfort and pain. Discomfort is a good thing. It's a very, very good thing. Processing is going to be uncomfortable. Doing being positive to yourself is going to be uncomfortable. Having positive thoughts is go. All of this is going to be uncomfortable. That's okay. That is okay. And the few times where we're really starting to push the boundary of discomfort, you'll hear me very explicitly say that that section, that area is still an okay thing. Once we start to get into pain, you know that's why we have our recovery toolbox tools. Then we've found kind of the boundary again, barring the very very few moments where I'm like this is one of the few moments and you'll hear me. Specifically when we talk about addictions is one of the moments. This is one of the few moments I want it to be painful. Okay, and so there's a little bit of wiggle room just right in there. But if you reach that pain, you do some Recovery Toolbox tools. That's how you know where the edge of the discomfort zone is, which is a really good place to be. You want to be in the discomfort zone.

Yeah. And sometimes you're like pretty far into the discomfort zone when it comes to processing and releasing emotions. Sometimes it goes pretty far. But it's good. It's also, it feels so good and you learn to love it. You know, you learn to love the discomfort.

So Joe asking, what session did you talk about affirmations before? So I'm pretty sure there were 2 sessions where we actually talked about it. We talked about it in session number 46, and then we also talked about it when we talked about beliefs.

That was in a bootcamp, right?

Which was session number 20. So 46 and 20 is where you'll hear more conversation on affirmations specifically.

47-20.

46. Shoot.

I think right when I said that, I knew it was wrong. 46-20.

So Ella's sharing a win, which I love, love, love this. Ella, Ella's sharing, communicated assertively with my cohort here yesterday and she responded with respect. Thank you for your reinforcements. That's amazing.

Awesome.

That is amazing.

Awesome job, Ella.

Super, super excellent action. I mean, you, you presented a problem, figured the solution out, took action, and then here you are having this win. And communication is something that we put up there in the survey in regard to what do you want to cover this Friday. Of course we'll cover it. We'll, we'll cover it. We will cover it because it's such a big and important topic. But I want you to use that basically as a reference. I want you to take that in like, I was able to communicate assertively and things went well. This person respected me because what assertive communication naturally does is it sets clear boundaries, right? It's very straightforward. It's very— it's not elevated emotionally. It's very, very calm and set in stone is the way that I kind of think of it.

Well, you did that.

And you did it. And you did it. And you're going to get a different energy back than if you went in there all like, you know, kind of high-strung or emotional or anything like that. It's really up to you, right? When we talk about relationships, they're also an equation. Brad plus Kay equals something specific. Right. So 2 plus 5 equals 7. If you change one of those numbers, if you change one of those people, if I do a lot of work now, all of a sudden it's 2 plus 8, which is 10. So you change the outcome just by changing your basically contribution to the system of a relationship or the system of equations.

Yeah. And ultimately that's the only thing that you can influence anyways. It's like, what are you adding to it? What are you bringing to that relationship? But Ella, you crushed it. Right? That's uncomfortable. That's an uncomfortable thing to be assertive in your communication for the first time, but you did it and you feel awesome. I bet, I bet you feel incredible and you got the outcome that you want. So definitely like swim in that reference, right? Like think about it and be proud of yourself and really feel that pride for yourself and be like, I can do this and I'm doing awesome. Right? Because it's those moments, because references can be, can be looked back, like you can pull them from like your past experiences or different areas like we talked about, but you can also work to build references that prove that belief, right? Right. You want to also look for how can I create these references in my life? Yes. I like, I have this affirmation of like, I'm an assertive, or maybe like you write down, I'm an assertive communicator. I always ask for what I want or whatever it is. You then take that affirmation. You, you say it, you write it, you visualize it, you feel it. But then you also want to bring it into your life and be like, look for opportunities to make that true, to build new references. And that's exactly what you did for this belief and for you. And you should be super proud of that because that's, that's amazing. That's the whole goal is to change your actions. And sometimes that is the biggest, one of the biggest things that can change beliefs, right? It's like you go out there, you take the action, even though it's uncomfortable, but then you find that that action is actually a massive reference for a new belief. Right? You go out there and then you face reality, even though it's uncomfortable or even like downright terrifying. You face it and you find out, wow, that's not at all what I thought it was, and I feel really good about myself. And it can shift beliefs in, in reality through taking action. So action is such a huge, huge part of it.

Awesome. So excellent, excellent, excellent job here today, everyone. We have an amazing rest of the week, so make sure you stick around. And then next week we'll be covering some awesome, awesome topics as well that we are absolutely looking forward to, including, you know, I want to— I want to do communication next week if it doesn't get picked for this week. So we'll talk more about that communication. And then in a couple weeks, we have our Boundaries Boot Camp coming up. That's right. So, so excited about it. It's gonna be awesome. So amazing job here today. Make sure right now when we get done, you at least write one affirmation using that formula. At least craft just one, and then you're into your 90-day challenge and you're off on the absolute right foot.

Pick, pick a notebook, put it next to your bed. So every night you see it, every morning you see it, and it's the first thing you do. I'm done.

Okay.

Oh, okay.

The sentence is done. Okay. So amazing job. Do you have any final words? Uh, that was it. I'm done is his final words.

We love you.

We believe in you at the very, very highest level. Thank you so much for being here each and every day with us. It's an absolute pleasure to be here. Remember that recovery is out there. It's waiting for you. Only you can get it. And we're here to help you get there basically as fast as possible. So keep rocking and rolling, keep taking action, keep showing up. And we look forward to seeing you bright and early tomorrow morning.

See you tomorrow.

Bye, everyone.

Hey, everybody. Thank you so much for listening to this podcast. If you want to learn more about how you can coach with me directly, there's a link in the description you can check out. There's absolutely no pressure. The main thing is I wanted you to get value from this episode here, but I hope you have a fantastic day and I'll see you in the next one.