PTSD TV #7: "Buddha's Brain" PTSD Book Club

Hey everyone, welcome to PTSD TV. This is episode 7, and today we are going to be talking about a book called Buddha's Brain by Dr. Rick Hanson, and we'll explain why we're giggling in just a second. But today's episode of PTSD TV— and then I will do a quick introduction for the both of us for those of you who don't know who we are— today's episode of PTSD TV is sponsored by Broken to Unbreakable, which is my PTSD and CPTSD recovery program. So I help people recover from PTSD and CPTSD. I coach them through the recovery process every step of the way. It's an awesome program. If you want to learn about it, if you're struggling with PTSD or CPTSD, or if you're loving someone who is struggling with this, definitely reach out. If you want to learn about the program, you can go to overcomingptsd.info/go and watch a training that I'm running right now, and then I explain a lot about the program. So you can go there. And then as a quick intro, my name is Kayleen. I struggled with CPTSD for over 15 years, and this is my lovely partner.

Co-host Brad Schipke, the significant other of the one and only Kaitlyn Wright. And, uh, I am excited as always to be talking about the book today in our book club. I'm very excited.

This is exciting because we have a bunch of books that were sent to us by authors like Dr. Hansen, and a couple of weeks ago, actually before the new year, we reviewed Um, Amy Morin's book. Yep. 13— 13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don't Do. So that was an awesome review and we loved it. So thank you for sending that again, Amy, and definitely check out that review and that book because it was super awesome. So this is what we're going to be doing on Tuesdays. We have plenty of books to get us through the year.

Yep.

And we're really excited to start sharing them. Everyone always reaches out and asks us, you know, like, what books do you recommend? What books do you recommend?

And so we started compiling our favorites from the past and new favorites from the Yeah, and we're going to be digging into a lot of new ones too, um, that people ask us about that we didn't have experience with before. So we're going to be reading them so you don't have to, going through them, um, letting you know if it's good, if it's not good. Everyone we've read so far has been awesome.

And who it's good for.

Who it's good for and everything.

Yeah, so we're really excited.

So this is great.

Yeah, so today's book is Buddha's Brain by Dr. Rick Hanson. And we are going to be talking about our 3 biggest takeaways, our 3 favorite parts from the book. There is so much good in these books, right?

Yeah.

But our 3 biggest takeaways. So number 1, the self-transforming brain. Number 2, levels of awareness. And number 3, wishing people well or sending them love. So those are the 3 things that we both really felt like we connected with in the book and even grew within the book that we want to definitely share.

Yeah, and the whole kind of premise of Buddha's Brain here, he says it all the time, like, if you can change your brain, you can change your life. So the whole thing is like changing your brain, and he really goes through the whole process of really bringing awareness to your thought processes. I know like when I was reading this, like, I was becoming aware of thought processes that I wasn't Like, I don't know, like, I think I have pretty good awareness, but like, there's always that next level of awareness. And this book, just like, as you're reading, you're like, oh my gosh, like, that just makes so much sense. And it's just like opening up the doors to your awareness. And if you don't— we always say this— if you don't have awareness of what your problem is, you can't fix your problem.

That's right. Awareness is always the step first. If you don't even know you have PTSD, you can't fix PTSD. It seems simple, but it's super important. It can be challenging too. And so I definitely found that within this book too. And we both have great awareness. And I found that my awareness even expanded reading this. And I also listened to the audio version, which was awesome, um, as well.

Good.

And so big kind of shift, and it was awesome. And I love learning new things, right? Because I'm already at a level, um, within my own life that I never even thought I would achieve, right? Like overcome CPTSD after that many years and live not only a normal life, but what I would consider like an extraordinary life. Not to like toot my own horn, but in regards to How I feel and how I think and just how calm I am and how my relationships are and every kind of aspect is way, way beyond normal and I never even thought I would be able to get to normal.

Yeah, yeah.

So to continue to learn after I already feel like I've hit extraordinary is so, so amazing.

Yeah, why do you keep learning?

Keep learning, gotta keep growing because otherwise you go backwards.

You go backwards. If you're not growing, you're decaying.

That's right, and we don't want to go backwards.

That's the way it is. And he talks about it in here a lot too, but I mean, that's really the key of really anything in life, but recovery is like you always got to be learning. You always got to be expanding your awareness, and that's what this book is great with. But you always got to be growing, and you do that through learning. You do that through showing up to podcasts like this, and from getting great books and reading great books like this. But first, I think one thing we should cover, and maybe something that like we kind of take for granted, but maybe some people don't fully understand is like, just what is awareness in general? And what do we— what are we talking about when we say awareness? We'll get a little bit more deeper, not right now, but like just as like a general overview, how would you kind of define awareness for yourself? Like, what does a self-aware person look like and what is a non-self-aware, if that's a word?

That's a really good question actually, and it is a tricky one to actually put into words, I think, at least in my opinion. Yeah, where awareness is like It's hard to define awareness without using the term aware, which doesn't make a definition, but just being present to the thoughts you have, the feelings you have, just really being in tune with your body and your thoughts. And I mean, really, to me, those are the most important parts, right? Your mind, right?

Right, right.

Change your brain, you change your life. So being in tune with your mind and your thoughts and your emotions and your feelings And knowing, right, what that internal critic is saying, what that voice in there is always saying, and then redirecting it if appropriate.

Mm-hmm.

And being aware of how your body feels, right? Because emotions show up in our body.

Right.

So when we're feeling stressed or— and we're not even feeling stressed to the point where we want to get in a fight or whatever, but we're just feeling a little tightness in our chest.

Mm-hmm.

And if we can be in tune with that and aware of that and notice that, We can change it before it even becomes a situation.

Right.

So I guess how I would define it is really in tune with yourself. So knowing your body and knowing your mind and your thought process versus completely unaware, not in tune, not sure of what's going on or why it's going on, which is definitely somewhere I was not even a few years ago. Definitely when I was struggling, just not sure what's going on or why it's going on or where I'm even feeling it or just kind of a mess really, like a tangled mess. So, yeah, do you have a definition or something you want to add to that?

Yeah, yeah, I think that's a great— that's an awesome way to describe it. Um, like she said, it's like knowing— it's like knowing something exists, knowing what's going on in your body, what's going on in your brain, and what's going on in your environment, right? And like, that seems— it seems so obvious, like, oh, like, that's all you need to do is like know that this is going on.

The awareness, like, really.

All these, like, like, your brain is working 24/7 on these unconscious thought patterns that you're not aware of. And like, when you become aware, you're like, oh my God, I've been thinking of this this whole time. But like, you live your life. Maybe like you're going through life and you feel like depressed or something. Like, more often than not, you're not really aware of the thoughts that are hap— that you're having, or the thoughts that are making you feel depressed.

Right. And a big one for people that seems like it would be obvious, right, is like, I hate myself. Right? And that's like a big thought when like you're like, well, how would you not know that you say that to yourself? But it's very common that you're not aware of that thought.

Yeah.

And so you don't hear that internal voice, right? Those thoughts and that internal kind of critic constantly saying that, right? You're not good at this. You're bad at this. You suck at this. Like, why aren't you better? You know, I hate myself. I, I'm so bad at things. I never achieve great things. So it's, it seems so blaringly obvious, but it is Actually quite challenging.

It is challenging. It's super, super challenging. And like, when you become aware of it, like you said, it's like, why would I even say that to myself? You know?

It's like, well, duh.

Yeah, yeah. And that kind of brings me almost perfectly into, um, I'm gonna read a little excerpt from The Buddha's Brain. Um, kind of like these perspective questions, as I like to call them. Um, which goes along perfectly with like, with like all those negative thoughts in your brain. But here it is. Quote, you were once a young child, just as worthy of care as any other. Can you see yourself as a child? Wouldn't you wish the best for that little person? The same is true today. You are a human being like any other, and just as deserving of happiness, love, and wisdom.

That's a very powerful—

So, like, you're just beating yourself up.

Right. Like, would you say, I hate you?

Would I say— To anyone?

To anyone? To a kid?

Yeah, yeah.

Like, I hate you.

Yeah, don't even imagine that. You're bad at that.

You suck.

Don't even try. Just, just go right back to bed. Don't give up on this day, man.

So it's really hard, and those thoughts and those feelings are really real, and they really affect you.

That helps bring awareness too, to what you're saying, to yourself. Like, like that alone. Would you say that, first of all, to yourself as a young child is what he's saying, but just like to anybody? It doesn't have to be— I mean, anybody. Say that to somebody you love. Would you say that to a grown person?

To your dog? Probably not.

If you're saying it to somebody else, you're saying it to yourself. So I don't know. And then this next one, quote, progressing along your path of awakening will make you more effective in your work and relationships. Think about the many ways that others will benefit from you for being more good-humored, warm-hearted, savvy. Nurturing your own development is Nurturing your own development isn't selfish. It's actually a great gift to other people. And I thought that was another great quote right there.

That really is. And we speak very highly of that. And that's something I speak very highly of with my clients and just with, with, with everything, right? Because if you don't put yourself first, if you don't take care of yourself, you can't achieve and you can't take care of the people in your life at the highest level. Right. So when I wasn't taking care of myself, I couldn't be the best girlfriend, right? Or I couldn't be even the best, like, dog mom, right? I just couldn't be there fully. And so when I took time to take care of myself and really understand what was going on in my life and heal myself and love myself, I had to take a step out temporarily so I could come back and give fully and be fully and give a whole lot more without taking from myself. So that's really, really, really important.

How did things improve after you worked on yourself? How did things improve With us? With your other relationships? With everything? How did all those things improve when you started talking?

My other boyfriends?

Your other boyfriends?

Everything.

I'd love to know about that.

When I took time to myself, right, I'm still someone, but I was someone absolutely who was always giving and giving to where I would take from myself, right? I would give at the expense of my own health or my own time or my own whatever. And so, it was very hard for me, as it is for a lot of people, to take a step back, right? They say, well, I have kids, I have a job, I have friends, I want to be there, I have a spouse, I have whatever it is, right?

Mm-hmm.

So, but once I did take that step back, and I took the step back for a while, right? I took a step out, literally for a couple of months, and I was like, I need to figure myself out so I stop destroying everything in my life, right? So, I'm really trying hard, but really I'm destroying everything. And so I need to step out. I need to miss a few things. I need to focus on myself. And it was really hard, but it was a bajillion percent worth it.

Mm-hmm.

Um, so when I did step back in, right, which like in hindsight, it's, it's a blip, right?

It's a second. A second.

Yeah. Yeah. A couple months is a second. Um, so when I did step back in, I could be my best self for me, my best self for my, my—

Me?

You. My boyfriend. Um, my friends, my family, um, my job, my career. Or my dog, literally everything. Yeah. So, no, there were no other boyfriends.

That's great to hear.

So, a huge, huge thing. That's awesome.

Yeah, because most people want to say like, oh, I can't do this. Like, we heard someone say this the other day. Like, they didn't want to take care of themselves because they had kids. And they're like, my kids are more important than me. Like, I would give anything for my kids.

Right? Right.

Which is like, which is like a good, like, thought process.

Right.

I would do— if I had kids, I would do anything in the world for them.

I would already do anything for them.

But what's the best thing you could ever do for your children? Provide them with an amazing parent. Right. Provide them with you. That's what I'm saying. Whole you. You being an amazing parent.

Right.

Right? And you can't be whole you. You can't be a great parent.

You can't be the best you can be without working on yourself and focusing on yourself.

Right. Without taking that time away to focus on you and to heal you.

Temporarily.

Right. Temporarily to fix you so you can step back in as your best self. And it's not forever. No. That's the thing too.

It's not forever.

It's like you step out You step out and you fix yourself and then you get back in and everything is so much better. It's so much better than living that way for the rest of your life.

And it doesn't even have to be that dramatic, right? Like, I stepped out for a while, right?

Yeah.

And it doesn't have to be like that. Take 5, 10, 15, 30 minutes a day, you know, your hour on your way to work, whatever it is, in the shower, take like a super long— because like super long showers are great anyway. Take like a half hour and be with yourself. Like, your kids are going to be fine. They're going to be fine if you focus on yourself. Your spouse is going to be fine. Your family is going to be fine. Your finances are going to be fine. If you take 30 minutes a day to work on you.

Yeah, yeah. And we're not saying, yeah, go on to Cabo for 3 months, forget your family, and come back. We're saying, like, take that time.

And take it actively. Actively use that time.

Yes.

Don't just take it and sit, right? Take it and get better, learn, grow, listen to stuff like this. If you need help, I can coach you, right? So, in the Virginal Breakover program, I work with you one-on-one. So stuff like that, right? Be reading books like Buddha's Brain, like 13 Things, right? Be active when you use that time. Really maximize that time.

But Kayleen, I don't have any time to do that. Where do you get the time to do that?

Well, the thing is that I only have 24 hours in a day. Whoa. Yeah.

No way.

I know. And you have the exact same amount of time. Yeah. So sacrifice something like Netflix. Sacrifice a movie every week. Sacrifice the radio on the way to work. Sacrifice going drinking with your buddies. Sacrifice— they're so— you know, when you go for a walk, pop some headphones in. When you take a shower, put the speaker on. You know, really little things add up very, very quickly.

Yeah, it's about integrating it. Removing the things that aren't moving you forward and plugging in things that will move you forward. It's super simple.

We talk about that. We have a whole episode about that and inputs, right? How to stay positive when you have PTSD. That's one of the first few episodes. So if you're struggling with the inputs, right, meaning like the Netflix, um, or drinking, or if you're feeling like you don't have time to do stuff like this, um, check out that episode and we talk, we talk about that there.

Yeah. Yeah. So how you do that, how you go from All this negative stuff. How do you go from someone who's feeling completely broken, even when you take that time, to someone who's living an extraordinary life, who's happy? Like, what happens? And this is my transition into what he goes about in here, and the self-transforming brain is chapter 1 of this. And he— it's kind of like the foundation of everything that he's teaching in here. And it's that your brain is literally changed by your thoughts in the way that you think and the way that you experience things and the way that you react to things. So your thoughts actually literally change the structure of your brain. And he calls it like your thoughts sculpt your brain. So like you can think of that like you can be like an artist and like when you're healing, you're like an artist for your brain. You're sculpting your brain. The way you want it to be. And that's really what it is. It's like you have all these negative things. This, this is one aspect. There's a lot of steps to the healing process, but one aspect is that, like, for so many people, you just have all those negative thoughts.

Right.

That's like one of the big things that, you know, keeps you where you are. You know, it might be keeping you from taking action, keeping you from, you know, facing and doing the things that you need to do to heal. You know, or just be giving you a crappy quality of life.

Right.

You know?

Right.

But the whole idea of this book, and I think my just favorite thing that I took from this book, was the self-transforming brain, and that you can sculpt— you literally change your brain with the way that you think. And that is so cool to me. So like, if you think positive, or you force yourself to think positive every day, and to cut out the negative, your brain will literally change And be and like naturally become better at thinking positively.

It'll start automatically thinking positively just because change your default positively because you make yourself based in science and like it's amazing because like people are always like oh positive thinking whatever but it literally changes your brain and don't write it off right yeah so like for me I had an experience right so like um doing affirmations I speak very highly of affirmations and It is something I still do, and this was actually— I think I told you about this— over the summer we were in New Hampshire, right? And so I, time and again, I change my affirmations, right? I do like 10 and I write them twice a day, and every now and then I switch them up because they get too— I don't know, I switch them up to sculpt exactly what I need, right?

Right.

To make sure I'm hitting the right pain points, right? So I was doing affirmations and I noticed that actual change in my brain, right? We were swimming or something and I went into the house for something and I looked in the mirror and like for the first time ever the thought in my head was like, damn, you look good, right? And that sounds like kind of sad and kind of like whatever, but like I noticed that change and I was aware of and I was in tune with what that thought was, which was like Dang, you look good, girl. So, and I was like, oh my gosh, like I can't believe I just said that to myself, which was like, oh my God, that's devastating. But like, oh my gosh, that's so cool. I was able to change my default, right? And then on top of that, be aware of like, oh my gosh, my default just changed. Like, holy cow. So it was a really, really cool experience. And you expressed something similar to me one night and the same thing where you're like, my default has changed. So don't write off When people, you know, are like— and it's so easy to do, be like, oh yeah, be positive, whatever, like, and like force smiles and like— but it's really important and it's really powerful.

Yeah, yeah. And like you said, this— a similar thing happened to me quite recently, actually. Um, like, because everybody has like ebbs and flows of how they feel and their, their moods and everything. So like, I don't know, like it was like a month or two ago, um, I was just on kind of like a lower mood. And I realized that my brain was automatically, like, saying good things about myself. It's like, oh, you'll get through this. And like, um, oh, like, I love you, I care about you, like, you're gonna be able to, like, get through this.

Like patting yourself on the back.

It just happened, like, automatically. And like you said, like, you just become aware of that and you're like, oh my gosh, like, I've completely changed. Instead of, like, going down this dark spiral, I'm going up this upward spiral. I didn't know the best way to say it. Going upwards. And it's truly amazing. And that's Something that you build. You build that. You build that foundation by doing that every single day, right? You do those affirmations every single day. You write your goals every single day. You focus on the good in a situation. You force yourself to focus on the good in the situation. You know, if it's raining, you're like, I love the sound of the rain. Not like, oh goddamn, it's raining.

I forgot my raincoat.

Yeah, people don't know how to drive now, right?

So you force yourself to see good things.

Yeah, which is awesome.

The flowers grow in the rain. I love the sound of the rain on the tin roof. I love, um, kissing in the rain. I love splashing in puddles in the rain.

Yeah, yeah.

So literally that easy.

I'm gonna read another expert— excerpt from the book.

Yeah.

Um, this is about what we're kind of talking about right now and lifelong learning. Um, and he says neural circuits started forming before you were born. And your brain will keep learning and changing up until your very last breath. So that's another objection people have, like, oh, you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

Yes, you can.

Yes, you can. Your brain is changing literally up until the day you hit the floor. Whatever a good way to say that is. But yeah, that was really cool. So it doesn't matter what age you're on.

Right. It doesn't matter how old you are or how young you are or Who you are, right? Yeah, a brain is a brain.

And the whole— like, this whole process that we're talking about right now is called neuroplasticity. And neuroplasticity is the brain's capacity to learn and thus change itself. So neuroplasticity is the brain's capacity to learn and thus change itself. So that's when your brain's actually literally growing new neural connections, and this is how your brain is changed by your thoughts.

So, um, the way I've heard it described before, I believe actually Tony Robbins describes it like this. He talks about like you have 2 places in your brain, right? And so like you have this like string of like thread. This like, this thread that's going from one place to the other. So this is like negative thoughts, right? And so that right now is like this big thick rope. And each time you change that negative thought to a positive thought, you're adding a little tiny thread to the positive to positive. section, right? And you're taking a thread off of that big thick rope that you have in the negative section.

Mm-hmm.

And this helped me visualize it. And this, I know for some of you are listening on a podcast, so this might be a little bit tricky, but you take that string and you move it to the positive side, right? Until eventually you have no string left, right? It's not this big thick rope anymore. There's nothing left to connect that negativity. And you have this big strong thick rope where you change your default, right? Where now Your default is positivity, right? Because that is the path most traveled. So just, yeah, just a little perspective on that.

Yeah, and that's kind of cool too, and it kind of goes along with our, um, our episode that we did yesterday morning on momentum, right? So like, if you have a pattern of negative thinking, or if you've had this for a long time, or like Helene, you've had it for pretty much forever, like 15 years, that's a long, long time to have that build up. Or longer. People have had it longer. But like yesterday we talked about momentum and like the initial energy to break that and shift it is the hardest. But once you keep going, it gets easier and easier and easier and easier, and it takes less and less and less and less and less and less and less and less energy. Yeah.

To do it.

So it's like you just like— it's gonna be really hard in the beginning. Like that's to be expected. But then it gets easier and easier and easier. You just have to commit and keep going through it. To get through those hard times, so you get to the easy times.

Yeah.

And then it gets super easy, and that's just natural, and it's automatic, and you don't have to force yourself to think positive. You just think positive.

Just a positive person. Just a positive person. And everything around you changes. Like, that's a whole chain reaction. That's a whole nother episode. It's like how the sun comes out, and you just— you spread all this light and love and positivity to the world.

Yeah.

And it's awesome, right?

Yeah, it's awesome.

All right, you ready to move on?

I'm ready to move on to number 2.

Number 2. Okay, levels of awareness. So this is So well described. Is that him? Shiloh just tooted.

No.

He always scares himself when he does that. Um, so the levels of awareness, uh, the, the way that he describes it is really cool and really special, and I've heard it described throughout literature in different ways. Um, but basically he's saying there's 4 levels to awareness, right? So you're unaware, You're aware of a situation and how you react to it, and you still react to it. You're aware and you don't react to it. You make yourself not react to it.

Yeah.

And you just don't even feel that situation. So I'll kind of describe that with an example, right? So when he's talking about this, he's talking about basically emotions, right? So like, I asked Brad to pick up a gallon of milk at the store. And he comes home without it, right? And I like freak out and I'm like yelling at him and this, that, and the other thing. And I like flip out and I'm like, why didn't you pick up milk? Like I told you to pick up milk and now we can't have cereal. And that sounds silly, but like there's a lot of things that happen like that, right? So I'm—

Well, it depends on the cereal.

Oh, so I'm completely unaware of like why I'm reacting like that. That is a, like a pretty wild reaction.

That's level 1.

Not appropriate.

Level 1, you're not aware that you're getting mad, that you're getting really mad at me. For forgetting the milk, a simple thing.

Right.

Me forgetting the milk.

Simple.

Why are you getting mad at me, bro?

So then level 2 is like he forgets the milk and I'm like, I'm like, okay, I'm mad that he forgot milk, but I can't help myself from being mad and I'm still yelling at him. But I know that I'm yelling at him and I know that's not really appropriate, right? Yeah.

At that stage, level 2, like that's kind of when you beat yourself up for doing things because you're aware that you're doing all these things that you don't want to do. And this is where a lot of people live.

Yeah, yes.

Is that they do all these things, they're aware that they're doing all these things, and they're aware that they shouldn't be doing all these things, like yelling at their partner or something. And then they leave the situation like, why the heck did I do that? Why did I get so mad? But when they're in the moment, they can't change. And that's the second level. You're aware, but you don't change. You don't have the power to change.

So this is a dangerous place, right? Unaware is dangerous too, but Like, aware and still reacting and not able to stop yourself from reacting is really dangerous.

Yeah, because if you don't know that— if you don't know that you can actually move beyond that point, it's almost worse than being unaware because, like, you're completely aware that you're beating yourself up, right? So, like, you're yelling or you're doing something and you're beating yourself up, so it's like a double whammy.

Yeah, it's a bad situation.

It's a bad place to be, and that's where a lot of people live. And you get out of that by moving to level 3.

So, level 3 is you're aware and You don't engage in that reaction. So you still feel like you want to engage in that reaction, but you don't engage, right? So he forgets the milk and I'm like, okay, I'm feeling anger. Don't feel angry. Stop. Let it go. Pause. It's not a big deal, right? So you're like kind of, you like are able to talk yourself down and you don't react to the situation on purpose.

And that's really hard to do.

That's really hard.

You have like that monster inside of you, right?

Yeah.

Like, you forgot that milk. This is the 3rd time you forgot the milk. You did this last month too. I wanted my Lucky Charms. But you guys got to calm down. And that's really, really hard to do. And it's the same thing with momentum, right? It's like, it's gonna be really, really hard to do in the beginning, but you're gonna have to do it. You're gonna have to force yourself to not do it. You have to force yourself to not do it. And it's gonna be really, really, really hard. And you're not gonna be perfect at first, but over time you'll get it once, and then maybe you won't get it, and then you'll get it once, right? Then you won't get it, you won't get it, you won't get it, you won't get it. You'll be like, oh, I thought I had this. And then you get it, and then, you know, you keep getting better and better and better and better until you progress to level 4.

Which is like you have no reaction and no feelings about it, right?

Yeah.

So, um, like that, those feelings don't even come up. So like he comes home, he forgets the milk, I'm just like, hey, how was your day? Like totally like, oh, okay, whatever, we'll get it tomorrow.

Yeah.

I'll have toast instead. Like not even a thought about anger or frustration or whatever, right? So that is the 4th level. So it's really cool, the progression through that, and to bring awareness to that whole progression. Because it's a dangerous situation. And honestly, if you're not aware of the levels and you're not aware that you can kind of move within them— and it does take practice and effort to move within them, and it's hard. And what, what definitely I in the past found tricky was like, once I was aware of like levels like this, right, it was like, okay, I'm aware I'm reacting, I'm still reacting. And then when I was in between like 2 and 3, like level 2 and 3, and level 2 was like I'm aware that I'm mad and I shouldn't be mad, but I'm still mad, versus I'm aware and I don't let myself get mad. Does that make sense? A little muddled. Okay, but anyway, when I was in between levels, it was really hard. Like, I knew I had to make that choice, and it almost made me laugh, right? When I was like, okay, like, I know I can stop myself from reacting now that I'm aware that there's like a next step. I know that I can just Take a back seat on this and stop.

Right. And that's the magical thing about just knowing that you can move through these 4 levels, right? So, like, right now, if you're, like, you're completely unaware, you can unite— you now know that you can become aware of your thought processes, and then you know that you can move to a point where you stop those negative thought processes, and then you get to a point where you just don't even have those thought processes come up.

People don't even come up, which is really cool.

Yeah. And he says this, Rick Hanson says it in here as well, that, like, it takes time. Like, they're incremental changes. They're not— like, nothing happens overnight. Your brain's not going to change overnight. I think you said this in one of your blog posts, you don't get jacked overnight. You don't get physically jacked overnight, and you don't get mentally jacked overnight.

That's right.

That was like the best thing.

Yeah, I know. That's a great analogy.

So, like, it takes time. They're incremental gains, right? So, like, now that you know that, now that you know it's not going to be an overnight shift, From going from completely negative to completely positive, you can be kinder to yourself.

That's right.

And be like, oh, it's a process. Like, I have to make those little, little, little, little, little changes.

Right. And we're gonna get there.

And you're gonna get there. But it's consistent, and you build that momentum. Listen to the listen to the episode yesterday.

That's right.

That's freaking amazing. Incredible. We crushed it. I'm just gonna say that it was amazing. And like momentum is like huge. Momentum and staying consistent. And that's, that's exactly like what you need to do to change your brain and to change your life. It's incredible. But, uh, that's it for me on, uh, levels of awareness. What about— am I ready to go to the next one?

Yeah.

So this is your favorite part, right?

Yeah, this was definitely one of my favorite parts and definitely something that can be challenging for a lot of people to do. And so the last one that we want to talk about was wishing people well and sending them love. So there's Towards the end, I believe, of the book, Dr. Hanson talks about sending people like love and wishing them well. So like, I guess like send— I'm gonna send you good vibes, right? Which like sounds a little iffy.

No, no, no, but it's like, it's like thinking about someone and thinking about all the good things that you want to happen to them.

So instead of feeling jealous or angry or upset or envious, right? So you say You know, like, I wish you success, right? I wish you luck. And I was definitely, um, I guess a violator of that, where like you see someone, I don't know, like you see like Justin Bieber and you're like, oh, you're so successful. Like, I wish I was that successful. Like, that must be so much fun having those jet skis. And you kind of have some bad feelings. Like, even though I love his music, I'm kind of like, ah, I don't know.

Mm-hmm.

So just being like, I'm so happy for you, right? Like genuinely, I'm happy for you.

Right.

Like, I hope that you, you know, have love and happiness and fulfillment. And, you know, I wish you well. I hope that you continue to have success. Even to people, right? So he talks about doing it with 3 different kinds of people. And I believe the people are people that you love, people that you dislike, and strangers, right? And just walking past a stranger on the street and whether it's in your head or out loud, Just saying like I wish you well, right? And just like sending that and putting that into the world. And it's a really cool thing because I don't know. I just I love to think of like the world is like a really beautiful place, right? And it has a lot of people in it. And something that definitely I've transformed over the past couple of years is that one of my personal beliefs is that everyone is just doing their best, and everyone is doing the best they can with the circumstances that they have, and. sometimes it comes off wrong, right? And sometimes people do bad things, but I don't think that there are bad people. I think they're just doing their best, right? And it's, it's wrong for some of us, but it's right for some of us. Um, so that was a big part that resonated with me, just sending everyone, you know, well wishes. And to strangers, to people you, you might not get along with, you disagree with, whatever, to send them success and thoughts of love and like Also, like, karma is a really good thing if you want something in it for you too, right?

Yeah.

So like, whether you, you just want to send that, or like he describes in this book, he says karma is like hitting a golf ball in the shower. And I thought that was just like the funniest description of karma. Um, but that goes both ways, right? So if you want to get hit with some, some love and some good vibes, send them out there. And I think that is just a really powerful part that just, it kind of hit me right. And like Just hoping that people do that and people are out here like this and doing that and believing that belief. And it's cool.

It's special. Yeah. This idea has really, really helped me a lot. A lot. I did it before this book, but like the biggest, I guess, biggest way that I've used this was against people. I do it for the people that I love. I haven't done it really for strangers in the past, but people that I love and people that I don't like. are, like, my focuses, right?

Mm-hmm.

And, like, something, like, really, really, like— it's really hard to, like, be like, oh, I really don't like this person, and then say to yourself, I want to give you nothing but happiness. I wish you nothing but happiness and, you know, success. I want you to have everything that you want in your life to come true. Like, that's a hard thing to do when you have all these emotions.

Yeah.

But, like, I do this before bed if I'm ever, like, thinking about somebody. And I always try to keep notice of people who, like, I'm harboring— you harboring, Brad?

I'm harboring, Brad?

I'm harboring negative feelings for throughout the day. Like, yeah, we have— I've had recent situations where I've done this. But at night, I just— I think of all of these people, and I just go through one by one, and I just, like, close my eyes and just, like, just tell them, I want nothing but the best for you. I want you to be as happy as you possibly can frickin' be. And the hatred and the resentment or the jealousy or the anger or anything, it just like melts away. And at that point, you realize that all you holding on to all this anger and all this like, um, you like this non-forgiveness is causing you pain. It's causing you pain, right? You're having all these sleepless nights because You can't forgive somebody and you can't wish them well. But once you're able to, like— and you just keep— you just, like, if you— it doesn't happen, like, on the first, like, I wish you have a— you're happy, because, like, you don't really mean it.

Yeah, the first time it's like a backhand.

Yeah, yeah.

So you have to work at it. And just on, on that same point, um, someone you might need to send love to and wish well to is yourself. Um, and that, that is, uh, something to keep in mind, right? If someone that you're not forgiving is you, you need to spend absolutely, absolutely a ton of time wishing yourself well and sending yourself love and those thoughts of success and happiness. And because, you know, you're harboring these feelings for other people, if you hate them or you dislike them or you're jealous of them, and it's easy to let go of those if you put a little bit of work into it. But the most important one is you, right? It only matters what you think of you. And that's really important. So definitely first on your list should be you if you feel like you don't bring yourself— and nobody brings themselves enough, honestly. So whether you do or don't, put yourself first on that list when you go to do this exercise and just wish yourself well and send yourself love and kindness and acceptance.

Do that tonight first thing, right when you're in bed getting ready to sleep and stuff. Just send love to yourself like she said. And then pick out one person you don't like. Just pick out that one person. You have someone on your mind right now. You can think of someone you don't like. Come on now. Like, I can think of someone I don't like.

Mm-hmm.

And then send them nothing but happiness. It doesn't have to be someone who, like, obviously, like, with PTSD, like, people do have done awful things. It's like, you don't have to go that far, but you want to be able to build up to that so you can then forgive that person who has done these horrible things to you. Because that's when the true magic happens. And like, that's a hard thing to do. But like, forgiveness is the— like, that's how you heal everything.

Yeah.

That's how you heal all of your pain. It's not about the other person. It's about you. And this is an amazing, amazing practice to start cultivating the power of forgiveness within yourself and eventually build up to that. Yeah, or just go for it, man. If you're like Kayleen, just go for it.

Implementation master.

So whoever you are, whatever. Yeah, but but give it a try tonight. That's the that's the key. That's what I want you guys to do tonight as you go in bed. Pick out one person right now and do it tonight, and you will be amazed. And yourself. And then send us an email and be like, oh my gosh, that was amazing. Tell us tell us how it worked. Yes. If it didn't work, also tell us.

But it's gonna work.

It'll work.

Um, and that, that I think is like a good kind of summation, um, of, of the, the day here for us. It's just sending well wishes and love, which we always send you guys. And, um, we'll send some to Rick Hansen.

Rick Hansen, yes, tonight.

Um, so thank you, Rick, for sending this and for writing it.

Yeah.

And it's awesome. The, the last thing I'll say about it, just because I do want to mention it, is that For, um, it is high level in, in the beginning especially. He uses a lot of acronyms and a lot of pieces of the brain he talks about. Um, so there's a lot of jargon, there's a lot of medical verbiage in there, and he does explain it. Um, however, in my opinion, if you don't have like a good solid foundation of like a map of the brain in your head, it can be challenging to kind of get through. And that being said, all the information is Absolutely amazing. And if you're someone who has a great map of the brain and has a good foundation on that, you're gonna love this because it's outstanding. But for those of you who are not so interested in that piece, stick it out, right? Stick it out because in the beginning it's like that, so it can be a little bit slow going, a little bit tough with that, but it does— it peters off of that.

Yeah.

Quite a bit and quite hard, and it's absolutely worth it if you don't care for the jargon and stuff. And if you do, like, You're gonna love it.

Yeah, yeah. He even said it in, I don't know, like the preface or something, like, um, he wanted to hit on both sides of it.

Right.

He wanted to hit on like the neurological side and also the, like, the mental side of things. So, um, if you don't like either side, if you just want one or the other, like, it's an amazing book and it covers everything. It's a great foundation for both sides. And like, like, we covered our favorite parts of the book today, but there's so many other—

There are.

So many other great things.

And we're gonna talk about one tomorrow.

And we'll yeah, we'll probably talk about one tomorrow.

Secret.

Which one will that be?

But but we'll put a link to the book.

Yeah, this is one of the books that you're reading and you're just like your mind like opens up.

Mm-hmm.

You only know what that means if if if you read it.

Yeah.

If that experience happens to you, like your awareness just opens up and you just like unveil these layers of yourself, which is amazing. That and that's what this book does, and it's it's really great. And if you guys are interested in getting this, we'll have a link in the description, whether on YouTube or on podcast. You just Go in there, we'll have a link to this on Amazon. But definitely pick it up. If you're on the fence, pick it up because it's amazing.

It also has an audio version, which is awesome.

Yeah, the audio version is great.

And then I guess just some final words here. If you like this, thank you for watching, thank you for listening. Don't forget to subscribe, hit the notification bell if you're on YouTube. We're gonna be doing them every— God bless you— every weekday. So Monday's motivation, Tuesday is the book club, Wednesday is PTSD workshop. Thursday is relationships, and Friday is a Q&A. So let us know if you have questions and stuff like that, and you can look forward to all of that. Some of them are going to be a little bit longer like this one. The motivation ones will probably be a bit shorter. That was just 20 minutes. Yep. So short and sweet and to the point. But we had a lot to say about this. I just there's so much to say.

Yeah. So really is.

That was awesome. And if you enjoyed it, if you enjoy Again, subscribe. And, um, the other thing is, if you enjoy the content, definitely check out the training that I mentioned at the beginning of the video. So like I said, I'm a PTSD recovery coach, and right now I'm running a webinar training online. It's a free training. It just takes a little bit of time. So we're going to put the link below this. So it's overcomingptsd.info/go. That's overcomingptsd.info/go, and you can register for the training. It's an amazing training. how to heal your PTSD even if you feel completely hopeless, even if you've suffered for decades. And I do that training, and it is a great training.

Yeah.

And then at the end, I talk about the program that I run, Broken to Unbreakable, and all the things that come with that, which is one-on-one coaching with me. But that being said, I also try to do a lot of free one-on-one things. And so if you have any questions, or you can reach out Facebook, email, comments, and I try to get to everything. Sometimes it does take a few days. So, apologies in advance for that. But reach out, we're here for you, we believe in you, and know that you can do this.

But the webinar, the training that she's talking about, you know how I said like this book was just like, whoosh, just like opened my mind? Like, that's what this will do for you about like your PTSD recovery. It's just like, it'll just open your mind to all these things that you weren't aware of. Because like we were just talking for, I don't know how long it was, but about awareness and how important it is.

So important.

And like, even if like, even if you don't want to join Broken to Unbreakable, Watch this. It's gonna freaking open up your world. Honestly, it's just gonna like because I mean like we know where you're at right now, and like we know that like there's like very very little support out there, and there's very very few people that you can really like look to and rely on for help, for for guidance, or for like for people who have done it right. There's like I like I always say um but there's um There's not a shortage of therapists and doctors, but there is a shortage of people who have actually healed and fully recovered from PTSD. For themselves, yeah. He's actually showing people how to do it, and like, you should definitely take advantage of that. And we always say, like, cut out like 2 hours of Netflix and watch the training. It'll change your life.

Right. Skip a movie tonight, register for the training, and you know, we've been there, we've done it, we've been through all the pain, and you'll hear that when we obviously talk about relationships on Thursday. Thursdays. You're gonna hear a lot of that, and we want to help you. Okay, this is what we do. We spend all of our time doing this. So we love you, we're here for you, we want to help you, and we want to get you healed, and we want to get you started. We want you to be able to live the life that you deserve to live, whether you think you deserve it or not.

Right.

I guarantee 100% though that you deserve it. You just deserve a normal life. You deserve an extraordinary life, um, free of any PTSD symptoms, anything Anxiety, CPTSD, whatever it is, we've got your back and we're here for you.

And by the way, you can do that. You deserve it and you can do it. Yeah, I don't care if you think you can or not.

You can. Like, absolutely can.

We didn't— oh my gosh, it was so bad. But you know, that's, that's the beauty of us being able, um, us going through what we went through, because this seemed impossible, man. Like We were in that same camp.

It's not on your hands. Yeah.

It was like, like, how can you not think it's impossible?

It destroys your relationships, destroys yourself, your health, your finances, everything.

And you're having 6 flashbacks a day, 6 flashbacks, 6 nightmares a night, taking up your whole day. Like, how can you not think that's like impossible? But it's not. We did it. That's why we're here. That's why we're doing all this. And it gets me so excited To be sharing all this stuff with you, and because now that we're on the other side, and like we can see where you guys are at right now, and just like you can do it, and like it totally is possible. Nothing is impossible, and just keep building that belief. Keep listening to this. Keep listening to things that make you keep like reading books that inspire you, and you will get there. Like I don't care where you're at right now. I don't care how broken you feel. I can't. I can't. That's not really. I really care about how broken you feel. I don't care how broken you are, how broken you feel. Like you can. You can make it and you can make it through it.

Yeah.

And it's so amazing and it's so worth it and it's hard as hell, but it'll be the best thing you ever do in your entire life.

Yeah, it is. Yeah, that guy's got a lot of passion for this and, and, um, and that, that shows and that's really important. And I sometimes I forget that, right? I'm like, oh yeah, I help people do it, forgetting almost that people don't think that it's possible, right? And don't have that belief yet. And it's absolutely possible no matter who you are, what you've been through, how old you are, whatever it is, it's absolutely possible. Again, we've been there and we want to kind of shine a light on this stuff. And that's the whole reason that we do this podcast and this show, right? Is because we want to spread hope, we want to spread awareness, speaking of awareness, right? And we want to send love and positivity and energy your way because, you know, you get to see the highlight reel, right? So this is the after and we're, you know, we're going to be going back and talking about all the lessons we've learned. Lessons we you know wish we knew, wish we learned sooner, wish someone was doing exactly this so that you can have them, so that you can implement them into your life, and so you can get on with it. Yeah, man.

Yeah, buddy.

Yeah, buddy. So that's all I have for today.

That's all.

Thank you again for listening. We love you. We believe in you, and we will see you tomorrow for PTSD workshop. Adios. Adios.