A Mother's Love Beyond Death LIVE CHANNELING Episode

You know you need something, you're just not sure what. You've been listening, you're doing the work, but there's still this feeling that you're circling the same place, like you're waiting for the thing that finally moves you. Now maybe you've thought about working with me one-on-one. Maybe something's held you back, the timing, the money, or you're just not sure you're ready yet. I get that. And I want you to know there's still a place for you. I built a resource for exactly this moment, guided meditations for when the waves hit and you just need to breathe. Workbooks to help you get out of your head and onto the page, ebooks on what near-death experiences tell us about the people we've lost, and whether they're really gone, a full course for widows and widowers who are ready to find their way back to living, and a full course for the evidence of the afterlife. And all of it is available for pay what you want. Nobody gets turned away because of money. I think these resources are valuable, but I don't want to hold them back because you don't have the money to pay for them. You don't have to wait until you're ready for coaching. The next step might be a lot smaller than you think. To find out, go to grief2growth.com/store. That's grief, the numeral 2, growth.com/store. And check out the resources I've made for you. Hey everybody, this is Brian D Smith back with another episode of Grief 2 Growth. And today I've got with me a very special guest. Now I would say all my guests are special, but Claudia Milligan is a very special guest. I've known Claudia for I don't even know how many years now, 5, 6 years, I guess. We've been working together since 2019. So working together for about 4 years. Claudia is a fellow Shining Light parent. She has her son David in spirit. And she spent a lot of her life trying to keep things safe. And according to Claudia, she got really good at it through a career in accounting and keeping everything under control. There was no room for surprises, no time for spirit, no inclination for imagination. Eventually became a mother to her only child. And that's David, as I mentioned before. And David is and was a spirited boy full of surprises and imagination. When David was 9, Claudia started doing some writing that was beyond any explanation that she had for it. And it took more than 25 years before she connected that writing to a near-death experience that she had before the writing started. So when David passed at the age of 29, Claudia refused to say goodbye, and she found out she didn't have to. We're going to talk today about her new book, which I'm really excited about. It's coming out in a couple of weeks. We're recording this on November 30th, 2023. The book is called Letters to David: Following My Son in the Spirit. And that chronicles a relationship that she and her son found after David's passing. So with that, I want to welcome to Grief to Growth my good friend Claudia Milligan.

Hey, Brian, this is great. Thank you so much for having me.

Yeah, it's really cool to have you on here. As I was saying in the introduction, you and I are old friends. We've been working together professionally for about 4 years. I like to say that I had access to the book before the book became the book, because you shared some of the letters with David with me. And I could honestly say it's really fantastic. I can't wait for everybody to see it. But in the introduction, I asked you about you know, what your background is. And you say you, you were— had no spiritual inclination before. You were trying to keep everything under control. So what was that like?

Well, I was very religious. Um, but I don't— today, for me, I don't think of that as spiritual. For me, what I learned was that I had been operating based on what everybody told me was true. And it just stopped working, thank goodness, right? And I had to look for my own answers. And I've taken that not only from religion to spirituality, but in all areas of my life. I've quit hearing, this is the truth, and finding out my own truth. I also want to point out that Just recently I said, hey, uh, we've been working together for 4 years and I'm still not fixed.

And I was yesterday, actually. Yes.

And I requested a refund and you would not give me one because you said you would beg to differ, that I was now a working medium, I'm going to be a published author. And that wasn't exactly the person that, uh, met you the first time.

That's, that's all very true. And you've done a lot of work over the years. And I'm really proud of what you've accomplished in the time that we've known you. And I know this goes back, you know, even further. So when you started having this, this writing, and it started when David was— David was a child, right? David was like 9 years old, I assume, or maybe around that age. So what was that like? And what did you— how did that make you feel?

Well, I loved it. And I've learned that I pay attention more today most days, good days, to how I feel than to what I'm thinking, because my feelings are more— give me more true information. But I'll give you one example. It's in the book. If you want the whole story, you have to buy the book. But I was writing, I would go into the meadow. And it wasn't that I would make up stuff. About what might happen in the meadow. It was that I had experiences and I simply wrote them down so I would remember them. And at one point, uh, uh, it was Mother's Day or my birthday, and the, the kids in the meadow were celebrating me, and they brought in breakfast with, uh, a glass bud vase with a single red rose. Isn't that cool? And I I closed my journal and I went back to bed and David knocked on the door. And he came in with a tray with my breakfast on the tray with a single red rose in a glass vase. He had never brought me breakfast before. He had never brought me a rose in a vase before. So I was starting to suspect that there was something more to this.

Yeah. So you mentioned the meadow. So tell people what the meadow is and what your experiences of the meadow.

The meadow began in a therapy appointment. The first time I was ever hypnotized, and I found out I'm very easy to hypnotize, and I saw a cesspool and the therapist like backed up a little bit. A cesspool, but that's what I saw. But that cesspool changed into a meadow with the pond. And as the year— because I'm still going to the meadow and it keeps expanding. And today I recognize it's like our consciousness, you know, we start out with a cesspool, but with a little work and paying attention, there's no limits.

So the Metta is a place you've been going to for how many years now?

I would guess since about 1989, maybe before.

Wow.

Unfortunately, I took a box of journals and threw them out. So we'll never know.

So but this is a place that, as you said, you know, it started off in a meditation session, hypnosis session. And I know as I've known you over the years, you said the meadow has expanded and grown and changed.

Yeah. I mean, at first it was just, you know, the fit, what I could see physically, you know, in my imagination. Meadow and then a pond and then the pond had a pier and the pier had a bench and the behind the meadow there was a forest and out over this way there was a playground town for all the kids, an ocean over here, a town way down that road. And I got a feeling that it will continue to grow the more I continue just to pay attention. Wow. Wow.

That's really interesting. You mentioned something earlier. I do want to get into your story, but— and I want to ask you about David, but I want to cover something you said. You said that you're learning to trust your feelings more than your thoughts. And I know, you know, I've known you for not that long, relatively speaking. And you said you used to be this, like, I guess, really left-brain, really buttoned-down person. So how have you learned to trust your feelings and to let go so much of your thoughts and what people tell you must be true?

I think I'm sounding like a broken record, but actually paying attention. There's a book that I love by Somebody, and it's called The Untethered Soul, Michael Singer.

Michael Singer.

He describes an experience he had where he, his girlfriend was a couple minutes late, and he just knew that it was over. She was breaking up with him. His mind told him, and the phone rang, and he knew this was it. And she said, oh, I want to celebrate us. Let's, let's let's celebrate tonight. I'm in the liquor store. I can't remember that wine that you like so much. So he tells her, and then he says in the book, now, if that voice in my head was my roommate, after it led me astray 100, 200, 300 times, I would quit listening. But still, my head leads me astray, and it says, hey, for me, hey Claudia, I think you're really in trouble at work. And I go, oh, my feelings might be wrong, but they always give me information and the information is right. Oh, I'm upset about something. I didn't even think that was, I didn't even think that was a big deal, but something kicked in.

Yeah. Awesome. So tell me about David. I know David came into your life. So, and really changed everything. So tell me about David.

Well, I was 31 years old. So I was pretty obsessed with the lady in the mirror, right? That's all I really had to worry about. And I had had a long string of poor choices in terms of boyfriends. And I, with my last mistake, I thought. I found myself single and pregnant. And I had spent my whole life trying to be who you wanted me to be. There's a song by Carly Simon, The Girl You Think You See, tell me who you long for in your wildest dreams, go on and tell me who you wish I was instead of me. And that really struck me when it came out when I was 2. Anyway, it really struck me, but I didn't know why. And I realized later that's how I lived my life for a long, long time. And I didn't also realize that while I was trying to be the person you wanted me to be, I was also trying to make you the person that you really should be. You would be much better if you were taller, more sober, funnier, quieter, whatever.

Mm-hmm.

And all of a sudden I was holding this baby boy, my baby boy, and he was perfect. Mm-hmm. And I was perfect. He was looking at me. I knew I was perfect. I had never had that feeling before, and I had never looked at someone else and seen them as perfect. That was magic.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Wow.

Wow.

So tell me about David as a child.

Which month? The first, I'd say a year, 18 months, I was just enamored. I remember my roommate in the hospital saying, this is your first kid? You're really into this. And I was. But David was and is a live wire. And, uh, whoo. Um, he went through daycare after daycare and, uh, you might, you might remember I can have a strong personality. I don't know. Okay. And so did David. So there was a lot of this, but there was also so much love. And, uh, with so many of the moms especially that I work with, their kids in spirit. There's a bond that's like this. And it seems to happen so often. And I know that that bond is true with you and Shana, you know, that, that connection that's not going to be broken by anything as paltry as death.

Right, right. So, David, was a pretty strong-willed child, as we would say, right?

Smarter than me and funnier than me. And I really resent that. And that continues now.

Yeah, well, I think David got a lot of his personality from you in one way or the other, whether it's through DNA or living with you for as long as he did.

Yeah, I think you're right. We're a lot a lot alike. So the first little bit was marvelous. No matter what he did, he could do nothing wrong. He was bright. He was funny. And I couldn't believe that I had this new purpose in my life, other than debits on the left, credits on the right, you know. And he brought me all those things you listed in the biography. He brought me imagination, excitement, fun. David would disappear for 5 hours. And the police would be called, not by me, because I just knew he was, you know, doing David stuff. But by the neighbor whose kid he was with, and he'd come back, oh, we were just hunting frogs. Like, what's the big deal?

Yeah, yeah. So, so David, but he did have some trouble in later on in his life? You know, he— you— I know you had some issues with David.

Well, I, I tend— at least today, I tend to believe in soul planning. And I think he went for a really, really tough life. As far as I can understand, he was dealing with some mental illness. It was diagnosed ADHD, it could have been bipolar, it could have been something else. There was alcoholism. There was a phone call. Hey, I wanted to— from a friend of his, I want to let you know that David did some OxyContin last night and we couldn't wake him up. He was unresponsive. So just a lot of stuff, you know, it wasn't— he came in second place for the senior prom, right?

Yeah, so, um, you said you believe in soul planning now. Did you believe in soul planning at the time?

Stay with us, we'll be right back.

You know, one of the hardest things about grief— most of the people in your life just don't get it. They want you to be further along than you are. They get uncomfortable when you bring it up, so you stop bringing it up. And that's why I started writing. My Substack is where I go deeper. Thoughts I don't always get to on the podcast. Essays on consciousness, on continuing bonds, on what it actually means to carry a loss and still build a life. The stuff that used to keep me up at night, written out in a way that I hope meets you in the morning. But here's what I didn't expect when I started it. The community that showed up. People who are doing exactly what you're doing. Listening, learning, trying to find their footing. Readers who comment, who share their own stories, who remind each other that none of us are as alone in this as we feel. And that's what the Substack has become— a place to go deeper with me and to find your people. It's free to subscribe. Find me at grief2growth.com/substack. That's grief, the numeral 2, growth.com/substack. Or just go to Substack and search for Grief to Growth. I hope to see you there.

I wouldn't have had any idea what it was.

Right? Right. Yeah, that's the interesting thing about, you know, what you and I both been through, you know, I don't think either one of us knew what soul planning was as we're going through it. And so it presents a whole lot differently when you think of the soul planning looking back as it does when we're going through that moment in time.

Yeah, and as a parent with a child in spirit, soul planning sort of gets me an out because I know so many parents, including me, went through the, oh, why didn't I? If only I had. Why couldn't I? And with the idea of soul planning, um, there are reasons why things happen. And it's funny because there's an old saying, nothing happens by mistake. I never believed that saying until David died. And people look at me like I have three heads. But now, in retrospect, it makes sense.

You know, that's a really interesting irony that I've noticed myself. I, I had been told that things happen for a reason. I never believed it until Shayna passed. And then I felt like, okay, and I started examining this and looking at things that happened. And it does seem to make sense more in retrospect now. Now that we have, I think, expanded our view of life and the world. So what was your— because I know where you are now in your spirituality and your belief. What was your belief at the time when David did actually pass?

Well, I couldn't tell you. I know it's like before and after and during it. Is fuzzy, as you probably can relate with.

Sure.

But I know that before, it just didn't make sense to me that at the time, God would go through all this trouble to create a human being, and then they would disappear after 29 or 50 or 90 years. That just seemed like a waste of energy, you know. But I was too busy. When I have some time, I'll sit down and think about it.

Yeah, I mean, I understand exactly what you're saying. It's that, that, and David passed by suicide. For, for, I don't think we've touched on that yet. When someone is here today and gone tomorrow, as you said, you know, why would God waste all this energy and put all this into a being that then is now just God.

Yeah, it just seemed silly to me, you know, and maybe that's part of the accounting experience, you know, just doesn't make sense. Doesn't make sense. So it doesn't make sense. Right?

Right. So you've been, you've been writing though, you've been doing writing for years, years before David passed. And I guess maybe you hadn't really thought about where this was all coming from. So David's passing, how did that— how did that— how did you go from there to, oh, he's still around and I can contact him?

Well, because it was David, for me, it took 96 hours, give or take. I was used to talking to David, like I think every parent with a child in spirit talks to their kid all the time, or at least a lot of us. And one day I said out loud, 4 days after he passed, I just said, I love you, David, because he's up here, you know. And I heard a thought. Heard a thought sounds weird, but I thought, love you too, Mom. That's not my voice. And even though it was a thought, it sounded like David's voice. And so I knew I was losing it. But you know what, what does Sherlock Holmes say? When you take away everything that's not possible, what's possible is the truth. And when I took away everything that wasn't possible, what was left over was you're crazy.

Mm-hmm.

Uh, the nuns had told me that, um, the teachers, you know, everybody had told me this can happen, this can't happen. And I lived a lot of my life like that. And even still, I still do that. There was one time I was writing my— doing my morning writing, and I was complaining about a medium who has this black and white thinking. This is true. And I was complaining, how could she say that? And my guide kind of pointed out that I was doing exactly the same thing. So, and I really like this guide. So I didn't want to get another guide.

Yeah, yeah. So, so you said 96 hours or so after David's passing, you're like, okay, well, he's still here, and I can connect with him. And so I'm just establishing establishing, you know, for people the way this kind of evolved. So you've been doing this writing, you've been going to the meadow. And then, but the book is called Letters from David. So when did the Letters from David start?

May 17th, 2017. David passed on March 20th of that year. And David kept talking to me. And I loved it. You know how Moms will say, well, is it a sign from my kid? And how'd you feel? You know, because our hearts tell us, and my heart was telling me that there was a possibility this was David. And he kept talking and kept talking. And I had this goofy woo-woo friend, sorry, Shirley. But she believed in all those things that just didn't make any sense. They didn't fit into any boxes that I knew of. And so, of course, I called her up. We sat on the patio. I told her what was going on. And she said, you need to see a Reiki medium.

A Reiki medium. Okay.

That's what I said. Yeah. What's a Reiki medium?

Right.

And she told me, and I still didn't understand, but I was in, as you know, a whole lot of pain. And so shortly after that, I was sitting on the couch in front of a Reiki medium, whatever that is.

Okay, how did that go?

It was unbelievable. Well, first of all, even though I had, I had heard from David through the thoughts, but as I was sitting in this chair with Tracy over there, over here, there was like a snowball of energy. Like 3 circles of energy that I knew was David. I don't know how I knew it was David, but I knew it was. And I'm like, oh, geez. Um, and she talked and she was calm and she didn't think I was crazy. Now, I don't know about you, but when I meet somebody and they think I'm sane, that's very attractive to me.

That's a good thing.

Yeah.

That's a definitely good thing.

And she just put things together and made sense of things for me.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, that makes absolute sense that he would be talking to you. Why wouldn't he be?

Mm-hmm.

That was kind of hard to argue with. And I went in, I laid on this table. There were candles and there was incense.. But when I laid down, it was peaceful.

Mm-hmm.

And it just felt like in that room, it felt like people who had passed from this world could still be around us. It, it almost made sense. Mm-hmm. And so I came back every month for 2 years because I wanted that to make sense.

Mm-hmm.

I needed it to make sense.

Yeah. Yeah, so she was bringing David through for you in some sense while you were in the sessions, is that correct?

Yeah, that's how it started. But really pretty quickly, David would show up for me, and it was almost like, hey Brian, you want to have coffee? I'm gonna, I'm gonna be at Tracy's at, at 8, uh, whatever, show up and we'll have coffee. And that was the sort of arrangement that I had with David, and it was just so easy to have conversations with him there. And Tracy would do Reiki, which was very healing, very relaxing. I've got a Reiki master, a certi— certificate on the wall just because somebody said that'll help you connect with David. I think if somebody said having an elephant in your backyard will help you connect with David, I would have an elephant.

Yeah, well, I do know someone that teaches Reiki as a way of connecting with their loved ones. So I definitely believe that, that whoever told you that is true. I've never heard the term Reiki medium before. I think that's a really interesting term, but it makes sense.

It does make sense. And I had never heard the term medium. Well, I think I'd heard the term medium, but never Reiki medium, and never Reiki. But Reiki, I get you. I know you've heard that when we connect with those in spirit, it's like we raise our vibrations, they deign to, you know, lean down, right? And Reiki is what raises our vibration. So it's so easy. We— it's almost like stepping into a world where magic is possible. Not only possible, but real.

Yeah, yeah. So you're working with— you work with Tracy, and David's coming to you. And so how did the letters actually start? I mean, did you— you inspired to write to David, or how did they start?

You know, I probably should ask Tracy someday. She's in Ireland now. So we've been out of touch, except she's thrilled that you're finally writing it.

She's Yeah, yeah.

But it just made sense. I could write to the meadow, I could write to my higher power, and I could write back from my higher power and sense that it's not something I've ever thought or known, you know. So why wouldn't I be able to write to David?

Okay. All right.

And it took a full year of writing because you also know I can be slightly obsessive.

Yeah, yeah.

And so I wrote almost every morning. I mean, probably 360 mornings in a year. And it took me a full year before I remember sitting at, not this desk, an old desk and saying, oh my gosh, that is you, isn't it?

Yeah, I'm glad we're going through this because I think it's important for people to understand that there's a process that you've been through. This didn't happen overnight. You know, this started decades ago with your writing and going to the meadow and then writing to your higher power, writing back. So I love this unfolding of how, you know, it came around to the point where it's like, oh, I can actually connect with David. And realizing that you were.

But it doesn't have to be this way. I'm more stubborn than the average bear. And so for me, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, you should have done this.

Yeah, well, we, I think we all, everything works out in the right time for each of us. Now, the one of the great things about this book, and there's a lot of great things about this book, is they can help short circuit this process for people. You know, first of all, understanding that it's possible to connect to your child, because a lot of us don't realize that, and understanding, and you do go through some, some things that people can do, some techniques that they can use. And so, but just that, that understanding, that belief could cut, you know, years off of the process.

I have a bookmark that just says, believing is seeing.

Hmm.

And I had so much baggage I was carrying into this game about, I can't, this can't happen, this is possible, this is not possible. So a lot of things had to be unlearned and unremembered, sort of, you know. But some of the— I work I volunteer in a Facebook group called Moms Who Lost a Child. And it's heavily geared towards discussion on the afterlife. But they also do free, free mediumship readings. And when I run out of gas in a reading, we'll do a question and answer. Last Sunday, one mom said, well, this is happening. 'Could this be my son?' And I said, 'I don't ever tell anybody what could be a sign from their kid or their loved one. How did you feel?' 'Oh, I felt really good.' Because our heart knows. I think your wife said at one point, you know, 'My heart jumps.' Yeah, yeah.

Actually, she told me that happened just yesterday. For her, one of the signs that when Shayna is around, our daughter who passed, is that she sees— she closes her eyes and she's meditating, which she was yesterday. She sees the color purple in her imagination, and she feels her heart speed up. So we all have different signs we hear from our loved ones. And I don't think that we mentioned in your bio and everything that you are a medium. So you talked about volunteering in that group. That's one of the many things that, that you've done since David passed. And I've, again, I've known you for, for several years now. And so I've watched you go through, you know, many, many, not go through, but be taught by many mentors, many mediums all over the world, some very famous mediums even. And you become quite a medium in your own right.

Thanks. I have, I have worked really hard. It was that important to me. But, you know, I think that snowball of energy when I was sitting next to Tracy was one of my first clues. And Tracy said over and over, you're, you're a medium.

Mm-hmm.

You're not— I didn't say that out loud. But that's how I felt. And looking back, I can't believe that I could even deny it. But to sit in front of somebody who's grieving the loss, air quotes, right, of somebody in spirit. And to be able to watch that face go from devastation to hope to, oh my God, my whole world is changing. There, I, you know, I don't, I don't know if you've ever been a fisherman, but the first time I caught a trout, there was that Oh my gosh, it's a real— you know, oh my gosh, this is more exciting than anything. I, I was proven wrong, but mediumship is up there now. It's my trout.

Yeah, yeah. And so you've— and I've seen you, as I said, you know, train, and I've seen you set, set the goal. It's like, I, I want to become a medium, and you, you set a year-long plan for the transitioning out of what you were doing and getting the mediumship training to the point where you put up your own shingle, and you have, you have a website now, which we should go ahead and mention now. So it's hellofromhome.com.

Hello, don't forget the dashes.

Yeah, hello-from-home.com. And you're, you're a medium there now. As you said, you volunteer, you read for a lot of mainly mothers who have lost children, which is, you know, a very special, I think, kind of loss. All losses is loss, but I think a mother losing a child is It's up there with about as bad as things that we can go through. So let's talk about the book. So it's, it's Letters from David. So it does have letters to David. Letters to David. Okay, sorry, I got that wrong. Yeah, it is Letters to David. I always think it was Letters from David, but it's, they're both ways, right? So because you're writing to David, David's writing back to you. So The book is more than just letters, though. So tell us what else is in the book.

It's, it's just my experience finding out that so many of the things I believed about David's passing were— can we say bull hockey on this show?

We can. Yeah.

Okay. That's what, that's what it was. I believed that there would be no new pictures. I believed that there would be no new memories. I believed I'd never hear his voice again. I'd never hear him, feel his touch. Every one of those have proved incorrect. Now, I don't have pictures of me and David. I mean, a good picture with both of us having our eyes open. I don't have any new ones like that, but I have pictures other people have sent me showing pieces of David's life, but I also have pictures like me and my lab Wilson would go to the forest a lot because that's where I feel closest to my arborist son David.

Yeah.

And when I looked at the pictures on my phone or my iPad, so often there'd be a big wash of color. And those are my new pictures from David. At first it was the little blue orbs and I went, it's real, it's real. Bill and I got argued with enough, so he upped his game.

I love what you said about— I think it's really important, you know, no new memories with David. Because I remember when Shayna passed, and I was going through pictures to put together for her celebration of life. And that feeling, as you know, going through the pictures, you know, in order, and getting to a picture just a few weeks before she passed. And feeling like, okay, this is it. This is just— this is the end, you know. And so we feel that way when someone— when someone passes and you say no, no new memories. But you do, you've got lots of new memories with David since he passed.

Yeah. First, I just want to point out, I don't know if you saw it, but my Zoom— the Zoom box just lit up bright and then went down, the light went down again. That happens a lot. David just shows up and says hi. And he likes to freak out my friends. Uh, an example, um, David did— his shirt did go to the UK with me last year. Uh, he insisted, and I was irritated, but I brought the dang shirt. And, um, he showed up almost every day. And there's a story in, of course, in the book about that, but I'll tell you one that's It's not. We were in Bath, a group of us, and there was a really cute guy playing saxophone. So I went in and I threw a couple pound coins in his case and I went on and David said, "Ma, give him a five. Give him $5." And I said, "They're pounds." You can't really— I can't really argue with David successfully. So I went back and I gave the guy £5 and he saw it and he flashes this David smile at me. David's got a smile like this, the Cheshire Cat grin. And I turn around feeling really good about myself and about David. And I see right in front of me David Thayer's Ice Cream. And David likes to show his name to say, hey, I'm here.

Yeah, yeah, that's awesome. So yeah, another, another new memory with David. So as people are having that feeling, you know, I want people to keep in mind, yes, we can still form new memories with our, with our loved ones that are in spirit. So that's, that's a good lesson to take away from it. But I know in the book also, you help with— you've got some resources listed in the book. You talk about—

yeah, just a few, right? Yeah.

Well, no, it's— so let's talk about the, the other elements of the book. I mean, the letters are really, really important, but there's, there's, there's more in the book.

Well, first of all, I had an afterlife expert, beta reader, and I sent Brian D Smith— have you ever heard of him? But I sent him the book and he came back, you know, first draft, and he came back with some phenomenal ideas. The letters were kind of hard to get through all at once. Can you put some explanations in there? Which is why there's all these asides to the reader about this is what's going on right here. When I did a resource page, it pretty much said, oh, you make up your mind because I'm not going to tell you what to do. And you said, well, first you made a face at me. And I wrote that down so I would remember. And then you said, if they like the book, they might want to know what you did, what helped you. And so the resource page became, became, I don't remember, 3 or 4 pages. Every book that has ever really touched me or changed me, and some, some podcasts, some websites, you know, for a long time, I was enamored with every dead medium. So I read everything I could on all the greats. And that was such an experience.

Yeah.

Oh, go ahead.

No, I was gonna say, and I'm glad that you, you decided to share that because, you know, you have this collection of wisdom that you've gathered over the years as you've gone through different teachers and listened to different podcasts and read different books, and you've, you've assimilated that. And it goes back to what you were saying earlier about, and there's a, there's a, there's a difference between someone telling us what to be true, and people reminding us of what is true. So I remember hearing something about like, well, everything we need is inside of us, which I think is true in a sense. But we also need to rely on each other, you know, other people have experiences that they can share with us. And I've, and I've watched you. And it's been really fascinating as you've gone to one teacher who says this, it's black and white.. And then you realize, no, that's, that's not true. And you take what you need from that and then you move to the next one and you take what you need from them and you've become this beautiful conglomeration that you put together yourself.

I've never thought of conglomeration as a compliment, but I'm, that's how I'm taking it. Thank you. Um, yeah, it's true. And what I'll tell the moms a lot, because a lot of the moms with kids in spirit are very intuitive. Um, well, I saw my— I'm— I saw my son in front of the refrigerator. Does that mean I might be a medium? So, so I'll bring up Merriam-Webster on my share screen, and the definition of a medium is somebody who communicates with people in spirit. So pretty black and white.

Yeah, yeah.

But an example of what some of these things have meant to me, the books that came out of nowhere. So I'll ask the moms again, ask your kid, hey, I would really like to know about— show me this. And I would do that with David. And then I would hear about this medium I was thinking was interesting is offering a free demonstration or a class that's cheap, a good price, a really good price or whatever. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, well, I— yeah, you've done that. And you've invested in yourself, you invest in your craft. And it's interesting about mediumship. This is kind of an aside, because I hear a lot of people pushing back against mediums charging money for what they do, for example. And I have a lot of friends who are medium, including you. And I've seen how much you've invested in both time and money to develop your craft to get to where you are, because you've got this, you've got a natural gift. But it's also a gift that you've developed. And you've also trained to get where you are. And I've watched you, you know, improve as, as you've gone through, you know, or learn from various teachers, and you've done the practice, you know, with the readings and stuff. And now you're at a, you know, a level that, you know, and you're, and you're continuing to improve as you go forward.

Yeah. And, uh, I just saw something very recently, uh, in June of 2020, you posted a Facebook post about this reading that you had had where Shayna spoke to you directly. You remember that? And, uh, um, early on in my mediumship, I was getting a spirit, spirit communicators, not always, but a lot who would say, I want to talk. And I'd be like, yeah, this ain't how it goes.

Yeah. Yes.

And I would bring it that to teachers and a lot of the teachers would say, no, we don't do that here. And, uh, I did learn— if, if Nietzsche has a quote, every child should have many teachers so they can learn to think for themselves. Isn't that great?

I love that. Yes.

So I have had many teachers, and for a while I thought everything that came out of their mouth was gold. I'm beginning to learn that not only everything might not be gold for me, it might be gold for them.

Exactly.

Also, just because somebody says something that I now believe is, is incorrect, doesn't mean that 95% of everything they taught me wasn't great.

Right, right. So, right. Yeah, that's, that's a really interesting process. And I know you and I would talk and you'd have these conversations and they'd say, no, you can't do this, or are no, you know, one would say, well, channeling is impossible. There's no such thing as channeling. We can't channel. And then you're like, well, but they're saying they want to, they want to speak through me. And you learn to trust that inner voice.

Yeah, yeah, I finally figured out it shouldn't have taken so long, maybe. But I finally found out that spirit knows more about mediumship than mediumship teachers.

Who knew? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what you also said, I think it's true also, sometimes things are true for us, they may not be true for everybody. I've seen people say, just an example, I know, I know several people that channel and some of them can drop into channeling like that. And I've heard people say, well, no, no, it takes half an hour to get into the state where you can channel. Well, maybe it takes you half an hour, but maybe some other people, it doesn't take that long.

Right. And I, when, when I heard things like that, oh, it takes me, I've been doing this for 25 years, it takes me about half an hour. Oh, I must be doing it wrong. There was one time I was in a trance class and we did breakout sessions and came back and my partner said to the teacher, I want to learn to do trance with my eyes open like Claudia. And the teacher teacher said, that's not trance if your eyes are open. Yeah. So that saved me on a lot of expensive classes from that particular teacher.

Yeah, it's really, it's really interesting how people shut their minds up, even though they're open to spirit, right? They're open to all kinds of possibilities. But they'll say, well, no, but that's impossible. You can't do trance with your eyes open, or no, spirit can't speak directly through you, you know, because I've seen you do that with, with people that you're doing readings for. And it's very powerful when you allow someone to speak directly through you.

For me, it's a dream. And I don't— I do not want to cry. But for me, it's a dream because I can't imagine anything more precious than hearing the words of my child. The inflections, the choices. You know, sometimes the other day I said, and it feels like he's telling you to quit futzing around, and I don't use the word futzing. And she said, that was his favorite word. But when I do the whatever it is, you know, I have trouble with the words too, because I don't want to put a label on right? But I just tell the mom that is, if it's okay, I just kind of back up and it's like I'm standing behind the chair and your kid will drop in. And, uh, when they come back close, a lot of times I'll feel something physical, real strong physical sensation. So with one mom I said, Did your kid have a really hairy chest? Because I felt like I did. And she gasped, which I love gasps. And yeah, he did. And he used to shave it. So, you know, whatever. But then to speak, and I'm conscious. And so that can't be trance either, right?

Exactly. Yeah.

But it makes sense because the moms want to talk about what happens, or the dads. And I love working with the couples or the dads too. They want to talk about it. And if I were to say, oh, I'm sorry, but I don't remember any of that— you can't remember when you're in trance.

Yeah, yeah. Again, those things that people tell us are impossible, that, you know, we find out that they're definitely not impossible. So I know, as you've been— I've been working together, you know, it was somewhere along the line, you, you met this entity that you call She. So she to me is fascinating. It reminds me a lot of the entity that Bashar— or is it Bashar that Darryl—

I love— it's Bashar is the alien intelligence. And he's channeled by Darryl Anka.

Brilliant. Yeah. And, you know, so she reminds me of that, or Seth. I'm just trying to give some people examples of other entities that channel. So tell me about your— first of all, tell people why you call she, she, and what she does with you.

Well, first, I'll tell you that, as you know, I tried a lot of trance teachers, and some worked for a while, and some, some said you can't do trance with your eyes open. So, but Andre Djordjevic is a favorite of mine, And, um, he taught us just how to let go of all our rules and to connect. Uh, he connects with, um, an entity called Michael, like a higher consciousness. And I'm sitting there at first going, uh-huh. But I started connecting and I'm following the rules, so I would say, I'm I'm now connecting with the highest possible healing entity. And I don't know, you know, when I connect with spirit, with my guides, I had one guide, I used to tell him all the time, okay, this is what we're going to learn today. Until he told me, I write the syllabus. But I mean, when you get people's personnel, I call them people, they're not, but when when personalities come through like that, I fall in love. So I fell in love, and I'm still saying, I'm connecting with the highest possible healing entity. And I said one day, you know, it's just stupid for me to call you that. Um, can we do something about that? And she said, yeah, why don't you just refer to me as the Supreme Healing Energy? You can call me she. And so I love when she gave me a name for me to call. I've heard often, it doesn't matter what the name is, but to have a name, it's, it's so important to me. I'm a name person. I'm a word person.

Well, I think that's just a human thing. We name everything. We have, we have a name for everything. And so it's interesting to say, well, you know, they don't need names. Well, maybe they don't, but it's just, it's awkward to refer to her, you know, she as the highest possible entity that I can connect to. She's just kind of rolls off the tongue more easily.

Yeah. Can you imagine being at a cocktail party? Hello, this is the highest possible healing energy. This is Red, right? It wouldn't work. Yeah.

So what's your experience been with she and what types of things has she told you? And does she have anything to say to today?

Oh, okay. Well, first of all, um, I just really got serious with sitting with she, uh, who's, who's counting but January 17th. And except for the time when I had COVID, I was sitting with she for an hour a day and, uh, just I can't even begin to tell you what she says, but, um, it's a wisdom that's beyond mine. And that's— I've heard that that's kind of a signal that you're dealing with a higher consciousness, is when it's just better than you could do on your own. So I'm gonna— it'll take me— it— I don't know, but not very long at all. And I'll connect with She's great because I've asked, you know, will you be able to talk to so-and-so? And she doesn't have a face. She's an energy, but I can just imagine she looks at me like I've got 3 heads. You know, why wouldn't I? I always have something to say. So give me a minute just to be quiet. My wisdom is your wisdom, but it is wisdom you have not yet learned to say yes to. It is beyond you only for today. All of you have the ability to reach so far beyond what is likely, what is possible, what is probable. All of you have the right and the responsibility to expand beyond what you know into the darkness and then again into the light. Don't ever give up learning. So that's my she.

Awesome. Awesome. Thank you very much. Thank you, Claudia. Thank you, she. Claudia, I know you— there's so much in your book, but you had chosen an excerpt today that we were going to go over just to give people a little taste. So I don't want to tell people— there's, there's wisdom from she in the book. There's wisdom from David, because David's operating from a higher perspective now. But I'd like for you to now to share the excerpt you have with us.

Yeah, and I would like to just preface it by saying that There's a line in the book actually that names you. And David said to me, listen, Mom, we don't all become Shaktis right after we transition. Tell Brian that, he'll laugh. But it's true. And he changed a little bit at a time.

Yeah.

And he got wiser a little bit at a time. I was very grateful when he quit giving me advice so many times, which was very much like David. So this is probably from about a year or two into the letters. And it was a New Year's Day letter. And part of it just said, please remember to pay attention, to watch for gifts, not just feathers, but every gift God and I and your guides and the people events and experiences have to offer. I will be close to you this year, but you may not always know it. Believe it anyway. You will always be okay, but sometimes it may not seem like it. Believe it anyway. You will always be loved, but sometimes you may not feel it. Believe it anyway. Know I love you and that I am as near as your breath. Death. Say my name often. Call me to you. I'm here. I love you so very much, David.

Wow. Wow. Just— that gave me goosebumps. Thanks for sharing that, Claudia. And that's just a little example of some of the correspondence between you and David. As we wrap up today, anything that you— that I didn't ask you that you wish I'd asked you, or anything you'd like to share with the people that are listening?

Well, first I want to tell you that it's been just such a pleasure. So I haven't— there, I've heard that there's what, 3 speeches? There's the speech you gave, the one you wish you would have given, and the one you should have given, something like that. I'm good with our conversation here, which is pretty miraculous. Um, I just, I just want to speak to anybody with someone they love in spirit that Death is just so paltry compared to love. Um, David has said the only agenda is love, and actually, um, other kids have told other moms that. And so if you have love for somebody, you can always connect with them. You've heard of, oh, I was just thinking of you and you called. That doesn't end because somebody gets hit by a bus or whatever, right? And we all have this ability, even past accountants.

Yeah.

That's all I got today.

So remind people of the name of the book.

Okay. The name of the book, and I want to tell you that David named the book. I gave him the titles I was thinking of, and he said, well, I've got some more, and he gave me a list. List, and in this list was the eventual title, Letters to David: Following My Son into Spirit.

And people can reach out to you where?

They can go to my website, which is hellofromhome.com, and that's hello-from-home.com. And that's just because they're here, they're not out there. So it's not hello from Yeah, yeah.

And you are available for readings if people want to do readings with you?

Absolutely. I'm available for readings. I love doing this work. So I don't have a lot of availability right now. But I've heard that you write the book and then comes the work. And I didn't really believe that. But it's true.

Yes, yes, it is true. So I want to thank you. I think I was your first podcast, right? Yeah, so I'm honored to be your, to be your first podcast as you launch this next phase of your growth, your first book. So congratulations on that. And have a great rest of your afternoon, Claudia.

I just want to, I do want to say that a lot of the work that I've done with you, Brian, has been about breaking down the I can'ts and I shouldn'ts and there's no ways. And so thank you very much. You're, you're, you're a gift.

Thanks, Claudia. Have a good one.

You too.

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