Crystal Partney-Scattering Hope After My Sister's Suicide

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Hi there, welcome to Grief to Growth Podcast. Your host is Brian D Smith, spiritual seeker, bestselling author, grief survivor, and life coach. Brian believes that the worst tragedies of life provide the greatest opportunity for growth. Brian says he was planted, not buried, and he is here to help you grow where you've been planted by the difficulties in life. In each episode, Brian and his guests will share what has helped them to survive and thrive. It is his sincere hope this episode helps you today.

Hey everybody, this is Brian D Smith back with another episode of Grief to Growth. And today I've got with me Krystal Partney. I'm going to read her bio and then we'll have a conversation like we always do. Crystal Partney is an author. She's a speaker. She's a suicide grief coach. And she's founder of Scattering Hope and Alan Thistle. She's also the host of the upcoming You Are Loved podcast. Now, the day before her 32nd birthday in 2019 would be the day that changed her life forever. Little did Crystal know that she would receive the devastating, devastating news that her sister Gina had taken her life that morning. And after this tragedy, Crystal needed the next steps on how to begin the healing process. She discovered that the first 30 days are often the most important step when it comes to healing after suicide. And she wants to say thank you for— or say yes, or thank you for saying yes to beginning your journey towards healing. So with that, I want to introduce Crystal Partney.

Thank you, Brian. I'm so glad to be on. Thanks for having me.

Yeah, it's good to have you here. I know suicide is a sensitive subject. It's a tough subject. I work with a lot of people who are survivors of people who have taken their lives. Even the language around it, you know, we have to be very careful with the language that we use. So I want to let everybody know that we're going to, you know, we want to talk about the subject though, because it's, it's a subject that we don't, I don't think talk about enough. And it's kind of, it's kind of hidden away. So, um, first I'd like to ask you about your sister Gina. Tell me about Gina.

Oh my goodness, Gina, she was just a ball of energy. And, you know, it was interesting because we both work for the— for my family-owned business, and she worked out of a different location. And when my coworker met my sister, he immediately came up to me and said, Oh my gosh, Gina like doesn't slow down. She's like the Energizer Bunny. I'm like, I— yeah, yeah, that's my sister. And that was how he described her. And it was such a beautiful, you know, tribute to her because it was— that's exactly how she was. She hardly ever slowed down. Whenever you saw her, she was, you know, going from one thing to the next and just constantly, you know, busy and just a ball of light.

So is she your older sister, younger sister? Tell me where she fits in the family.

She's my oldest sister. Yeah.

Okay. And so if you don't mind, what— how did you find out about her taking her life? And tell me, do you know the circumstances around it?

Or her passing. I do. And, um, so she was newly divorced and her children lived— they wanted to live with their stepdad, and their stepdad lives about, oh golly, I'd say at least 3 hours away. So it was really hard on my sister to watch her transition from being married for over, you know, 20+ years to being newly single and having children that were in their teenage years and not having them be with her, not having them be around her on a daily basis was really, really hard for her. And so when she was making that transition, to be newly single and divorced, she came to live at my parents' house and she was just struggling. And we knew that as a family. And so we tried our best to get her the help that we knew that she needed, whether that was going to see a counselor and making sure like, okay, so you've been prescribed medication, let's make sure that you're taking it consistently. Recently. And we really thought as a family, we really thought we were turning a corner, that she was turning a corner, and that we got to see glimpses of her old self. And it was such a breath of fresh air for us because we would see these moments of her being her usual self, her usual bubbly self. And we'd say, ah, she's back. She's back. We got her back. Because, you know, I've never been divorced and I don't know what that's like. And having to not see my children, if once a month, if that. And I just knew the turmoil that my sister was in. And that was really what I would say, you know, conspired her to, to take her life. At the end of the day, it was that longing to have that love in her life. And it wasn't from us as a family, as her siblings, as, you know, my mom, or even, you know, my dad passed away. But even from someone like my dad, it wasn't that she didn't need that connection because we were very present. We were very active in her life, but she really needed it from her children. And so I think that's, that's where the breakdown started to occur.

Yeah, yeah. So when you, when you got the news of your sister's passing, how did you, how did you react to that? How did you take that? I know one of the things you said in the information you sent me earlier, and we just read it in the bios, that you— the first 30 days are really important on that healing journey. So what were the first 30 days like for you? And did you discover this during that time, or was it afterwards that you discovered how important that time was?

Well, I would say, you know, especially suicide, it's unique to every single person that is tragically experiencing it. And for me, when I found out, I had the very painful decision that I had to tell my, my daughter, who was 3 at the time, that her Aunt Gina had passed away. And of course, that opened up a whole plethora of questions, like, what do I say to my 3-year-old in regards, you know, what do I tell her? Do I I say like she took her life, and if I say that, how do, how do I say that? And being in a very open and transparent way, but also recognizing the fact that she was 3, and so I couldn't just, you know, say, say what I really wanted to say and be open, as opposed to, you know, some of my, you know, cousins or some of my nieces and nephews who are older and they're in their teenage years. So I'll just share with you the, the morning that I had to tell my daughter. And it was actually a really beautiful story. But so my daughter, she was noticing that I was crying a lot. And if you, you know, have children, especially as young as 3, they pick up on things. And I didn't think she noticed. Quite honestly, I thought, oh, she's not noticing this this change, this, this tragedy. She hasn't picked up on it yet. Well, I was in the bathroom and she came into the bathroom and she kind of blindsided me because she just said, "Mommy, why are you crying?" And I said, "Well, honey, I'm sad." And she goes, "Why?" And then I decided, okay, I need to tell her. I can't keep this from her. And so I told her, I said, you know, honey, I'm really sorry, but Aunt Gina has died. And she looked up at me and said, but Mommy, why? And I said, you know, in the most lovingly and honest way that I could, I just told her, I don't know. I said, I don't know, honey. I just know that she was really sad. And then it was so beautiful because she got really quiet and then she started to smile. And I was like, wait a minute, I just told you that your Aunt Gina has died and now you're smiling. And so I asked, I said, honey, why are you smiling? And she says, well, does that mean that she's with Grandpa Lanny? That's my dad. And I said, yeah, yeah, she's with Grandpa Lanny. And she said, okay. And she ran out of the bathroom. Wow. And it was in that moment that I realized that everything was going to be okay. It was going to look dramatically different, but that she was— my sister was in good company. That she wasn't alone, that she was, you know, safe, and that she was surrounded by people that I love and miss dearly. But she wasn't alone. And, and that brought so much peace and so much comfort. And, you know, to have my daughter react the way that she did— now granted, I didn't go into detail. I simply said exactly what I just shared. That she had died. And to have her, you know, have her 3-year-old brain understand that, but then very lovingly, you know, respond, "It's okay." And that just, like I said, it just brought me so much peace.

Yeah, that is really incredible, you know, and a lot of times we underestimate, first of all, the sensitivity of children, we think they don't know what's going on, you you know, with us emotionally and stuff. And they do, they perceive so much. But the wisdom that she had to say, okay, well, she's okay. You know, she's with, she's with Grandpa. And that was good enough for her, right? We don't need to— sometimes we overly overthink how much detail we have to share with children and really just give them enough till they're satisfied. And, you know, she didn't need to know the circumstances. That's, that's awesome. But I can only imagine the peace, as you said, that must have brought to you. Because her perspective is so much wiser than most of us adults. You know, we worry about ourselves.

Oh yes.

Not the person that's, that's made their transition. So that's awesome.

Yeah, it was, it was completely remarkable. I was just completely astonished at her response, but I was, I was very pleased. And like, you know, we've already said, it brought me a lot of peace to say Okay, like, I don't need to go into any more detail than that. And, and she, you know, accepted it. And now she's, she's 5. And so she is asking more and more questions, just about death and about grief in general. And so, but, you know, thankfully, I'm, I'm kind of on the forefront, and I can say, okay, this is how we're going to approach this. This is how I'm going to handle these questions. Because let's be real, they're not going to go away. They're only going to continue as, as her life continues.

So I'm curious as to what you had said to her about death prior to this, if anything, and what were your beliefs about the afterlife or where your sister was or how your sister was? Stay with us.

We'll be right back.

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Yeah, oh my goodness, that's just a beautiful question. And to be fully transparent, I don't recall talking to her about death up until that point, because she hadn't experienced it. So she wasn't born when my dad passed away. And so to have that discussion and to have her response be the way that it was. It was, it was quite, you know, like I said, shocking, to say the least, but in a good way. And, and it was shortly after, you know, my sister passed away that, um, that we had to put our dog down, and he was 16. And so for me, she had more questions about Shorty than she did about Gina. And I think it was just because she was so little at that time. So, but I definitely, and I was talking with my husband after my sister passed away, and I was very transparent in having the conversation with him and saying, I'm not keeping this under the rug. I am bringing it into our everyday conversations. And as she asks questions, I'm going to do the very best that I can to answer them and be honest and make sure that it's age appropriate for her. And so even my mom, in fact, we were— she was driving. It was just her and my mom in the car and they drove past the funeral home. And she said, well, that's where Aunt Gina died. And my mom was kind of startled by it. She goes, yeah, yeah, that's right. And, and that was the extent of the conversation. Like, it wasn't— it didn't go any further than that. But I remember my mom sharing that with me. And it's, again, it was so astonishing to, to see that because and to hear that from her because in my mind it's like, did she really understand what was going on? Could she conceptualize what was going on at that time? And, and again, it's, it's that constant reminder of she does and she's remembering and she's way much more aware than I'm giving her credit. Absolutely. But I do, I do find ways to remember my sisters and, and my dad and Shorty. And like, I have pictures of them all over the house. And, you know, she can ask me questions. And for my sister's birthday, we go out and we get her favorite ice cream. And so she knows that ice cream is you know, Aunt Gina's favorite. And so I find these little moments to really just embrace the, the beauty of it. And not— because it's so easy for me, and for everybody that's experienced a loss to suicide, to just be like, nope, didn't happen, it didn't occur, we're not going to talk about it. But like I was sharing earlier, I really talked over with my husband and said, I'm not hiding this. I can't. Because in, like, going back to the, the experience of having to first tell her, it was in that moment that I realized something so profound. And that is that she was going to look back whenever she experiences a tragedy in her life she was going to look back at that moment and ask herself, well, how did Mom handle it? How did Mom, like, approach it? Did she cave? Did she, you know, not get out of bed? Did she, you know, find something that brought her happiness and she continued forward? Because it was in that moment that I was like, oh my gosh, it's not just me. It's not just me experiencing this tragedy. We as a family are experiencing it together. And we get to decide what our next steps will be.

Yeah. Well, I think that children, especially around before the age of 5 or 6, they're still connected to the other side, they come in. And, you know, because I asked you that question, what did you talk to her about before? Because we all assume the children are blank slates, and they only know what we tell them. But I think they have memories, you know, from being on the other side. And I think they're still somewhat connected. So, you know, that's, that's just such profound— it's just as profound, but for her, it was probably just like routine. It's like, yeah, I just came from there. And that's where Grandpa is. And that's where Aunt Gina went. So I'm curious as to what your thoughts were at the time about, about the afterlife or spirituality, you know, when your sister passed, what— this is something that you thought about or given much, you know, or what was your thoughts?

Yeah, I, you know, I grew up in a very, you know, Christian household that was predominantly Christian. You know, we were LDS. And, and that's just how I was raised. I was raised in a predominantly Mormon household. And so faith was was natural for me to say okay. And, you know, my husband was complete opposite. He didn't, he didn't grow up having a really, I guess, strong and bold faith. He just knew that he would see his loved ones again. He has that deep rootedness in his faith that Even though, you know, some might consider his faith to be, you know, quite small, he has that knowledge and that perception of, well, why won't I see them again? And if that is truly the case, like, if I will never see them again, I don't want to go there. You know what I mean? Like, oh, well, in that case, I don't want to go there because if that means that I can't see them again, I mean, I can't think of a greater hell than that, personally. But it really, it, to be quite honest, Brian D Smith, it shook my faith. Because it's just, you know, remembering the events that led up to my sister's death, and then having experienced her death, it really just was like, okay, if all of these events still occurred, and yet my sister still passed away. She still took her life.

Why?

And so the, you know, the, the million-dollar question is why. But no answer is going to be sufficient to fill that question of why, right? And it doesn't matter, you know, she did leave a letter But even then, we were still like, yes, that made sense to you. But we want you. We don't want this piece of paper explaining. We just want you back.

Yeah. Well, what you said is very common. You know, we have a faith, a religion. And then when something like this happens, something so tragic, something so close, it does shake our faith. And sometimes, you know, people will actually even get angry at God. You know, it's like, well, why did you let this happen? So I think that's, that's a very common occurrence when something that's just so out of, out of left field or out of order, or just doesn't seem, you know, it's not the same thing as when like your grandmother passes away or something. So it causes us to question, you know, everything. So I think your response is actually very, very normal. So in terms of your faith, Did you, did you somehow reconcile that?

Yes, yes, I did. I, I had to. And to be, you know, fully transparent, I, I really wrestled for it for, for a couple of months, I would say, after she passed away. And, and I just was like, okay, in order for me to live the life that I know my sister would want me to live, I need to address this. I need to be able to say, yes, there were events leading up to her death that unknowingly, you know, maybe, maybe could have prevented her from taking her life. I don't know. But again, I was reminded of my daughter and her words of just innocence of saying, she's with— she's with Dad, she's with Grandpa, so there's nothing to worry about, there's nothing to cry about. And it's like, okay, yeah, she's right. And I'm again just knowing my sister and what she would want for me. She wouldn't want me to just like, I keep using the word cave, but she wouldn't want me to just settle and just be like, this is the new normal. It is a new normal, but I don't have to stay here. I can choose to continue forward with my life and knowing that she has my back and she's supporting me in every decision I make. And it's only because of my faith and reevaluating and saying, okay, this was, you know, not my fault. It wasn't, you know, God's fault. It was, you know, it's not even my sister's fault. Like, just accepting things as they really are allowed my faith to be reignited and say, okay, this is this is how we're going to approach it. And to really look for those signs that she's still present. She's just not in the physical form that I want her to be in. But make no mistake, she's here. She's experiencing life with me.

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I often joke, I said, you know, I'll talk out loud and I'll say, Gina, you know, I'm sorry, I'm kind of boring. But you're more than welcome to hang out with me. But I'm kind of boring. I'll just be honest. And I'm sure she'll just— I'm sure she just laughs, like, okay, well, too bad, I'm gonna hang out with you anyways.

So I'm curious, how does that align with your faith? Because I know some people think that Christianity teaches that when we're, quote, dead, we're asleep, or we're in heaven, we're somewhere else. So it's interesting to hear me say— hear you say that your sister is still living life with you.

Yeah, I And it's just, again, it's just me being aware of the signs that are— that she's present. Like, I'll hear, I'll hear a Garth Brooks song. And I'm like, oh, okay, there's my sister. And, or I'll see her name in the most random of places. It's like, okay, those are, those are signs that she's reminding me, Crystal, I'm here. I'm here with you. And And yeah, I know that she's probably busy and doing other things, and— but I know that she's still here and she's experiencing life with me and my family. So it's, it's really beautiful to not have it be— I don't want to say so black and white because I feel like our faith can tend to be that way, at least in my own experience, where it's like, well, it's either this way or that, and there's no gray. But when I think about it, not just conceptually, but from a spiritual standpoint, it's like, well, why wouldn't they be here? Why wouldn't they be, you know, doing both, whatever it is that they're doing, and still be present, you know, finding moments to remind me that they're still here.

Yeah, I totally— I, that's my view also. And it's interesting, I just, I know someone, I have a video that I did with someone who had a near-death experience. And it's funny, the comments I get, I get so much pushback from people who are, they've been taught to be fearful by religion. And as you said, it's either this way or it's that way. It's black and white. No, they're not here. No, you can't communicate with them. It's etc. And I personally find that very sad. So I was really intrigued to hear you say that, you know, your sister, you still talk to her, you still have that communication with— I think that's, that's awesome. So how, how, what's— how long since your sister passed did you start? Because I know you've started two companies. So tell me about the company you started and how that happened.

Yeah, well, after, you know, my sister died, it was about a month later I was graduating college. And that in itself was a victory in my book because I was in my senior year and I was left with a decision. Do I graduate or do I not? And I just told myself, okay, what would my sister want? Well, she would absolutely want me to still graduate. And even though at that point, you know, grades really didn't matter because I was like, I just need to graduate. And I had the, you know, the full support of my professors. And I'm so grateful for them that they were, you know, encouraging me. And they shared, you know, I had one professor that actually shared with me a very sweet story. She said, of another student very similar to me in the sense that she had, you know, lost a sibling to suicide, but that it broke her heart as a professor to have to give this student a failing grade because she never returned. And she shared very openly with me that she didn't want that for me. And I said, okay, you know, I appreciate it. Thank you for telling me. But I'm finishing. And I— there was that strong conviction in me that I'm like, I just need to finish. I've worked so hard up until this point, you know, the sleepless nights and the blood, sweat, and tears and on all of it. So I just need to finish. And so when I did, I finally graduated and I told myself after that, that I was going to take a year off and just heal. Whatever that looked like, because I didn't know what the heck that looked like. I'm like, I don't know how to do this. I mean, yes, I did it for my dad, but, but this is different. This is just naturally different for me to, to lose my sister and to lose my sister in that way. It was just completely different for me. And so in that year's time span, I kept getting this download from my sister that I can only say it was her because she just kept, she just kept coming and she just wouldn't be quiet. She just kept saying, Crystal, I want you to help other families that are going through a similar situation like, like we're experiencing right now. And I remember sitting there kind of arguing with her. I was like, but Gina, I don't know how to do this. I don't, I don't know how to be a coach. I don't know how to do anything like this. And she's like, it's okay, just do it.

Yeah, yeah.

So I'm like, okay. And again, it circles back to my faith and saying, uh, I don't know the how, but something tells me I wasn't meant to know the how. I just— it was a matter of me just simply saying yes and stepping forward and saying, okay, if this is the dream and the mission that you placed on my heart, well, I have to accept that and say, okay, I don't know what it's gonna look like. But yes, yes, I'll do it.

Yeah, cool. Answer the call. So tell me about Scattering Hope. What, what is Scattering Hope? What do you offer to people?

Yeah, so Scattering Hope helps families heal. After losing a loved one to suicide. And we offer just a variety of different things. Like you mentioned earlier, I offer grief coaching. I offer a subscription box that is monthly that includes different items that really reflect me and how I began to heal on a monthly basis. And then I also— I have written a 30-day journal that walks somebody through the first 30 days after losing a loved one to suicide. And I really, I wanted it to become something that— a tool that someone can use, that even if it's been past the 30 days, if they're just wanting to simply start the healing process, to be able to pick up the journal and just know, like, okay, for the first, for these next 30 days, regardless of what month it is, regardless of what day it is, we're just gonna take one day at a time and begin to process and heal. And so that illustrates just, again, just a very simplistic, very bite-sized pieces to how you can begin to process your grief. And so that is what Scattering Hope is all about. And helping families begin to heal after their own tragedy to suicide. And the sister company, really in my sister's memory, is called Owl and Thistle, and it focuses on suicide prevention. And it again offers a subscription box for those people that are struggling. And I really wanted it to be able to to touch the people in our family to say, hey, I see you and I see the struggles you're going through, but I love you. And to just remind them that they are loved and they're not alone. They're not alone in their struggles. They're not alone in their pain, but they have an army of support that want to help them. And really, you know, just provide the love that they so desperately need in those moments where they don't feel like they're enough and they don't feel like they're loved.

Yeah. So when it comes to suicide prevention, how would you recommend approaching that subject?

Well, I believe it's, as you mentioned earlier, it's a very very difficult conversation to have, but I watched it with my own sister and seeing— I don't want to say the signs, but just simply telling her that, that I see her. And I'll share just briefly a quick story that illustrates this, this idea of letting the people know in our life how much they're loved. The Christmas unknowingly before my sister passed, I was out Christmas shopping, and I'm the, I'm the youngest of 8, so you can do the math. We all have kids, and that's a lot of Christmas gifts. So needless to say, you know, we stopped buying each other Christmas gifts a long time ago because it quickly got expensive, but just whenever I was out, you know, this particular time I was out Christmas shopping for my family, for my daughter, for my husband, and, and I saw this little wooden sign. And as soon as I saw it, I was like, oh my gosh, I have to get one for Gina. And so I did. And I gave it to her before Christmas. And I walked downstairs into my parents' basement. And I said, Gina, I got you a gift. And she's like, what? You got me a gift? And I was like, yeah, I got you a Christmas gift. She's like, k'wus'lk, you know we don't do that. I was like, yeah, I know. But I saw this and I immediately thought of you. And I just said, you know, I just shared very openly and said, Gina, I see you. I see the struggles you're going through. And even though I don't know what it's like to be newly divorced and have your children live 3 hours away and, and, you know, dating again and having, you know, time with your children be divided between actually being present and being on their phones, like, I don't know what that's like. But I just want to let you know that I see you. And Brian D Smith, she started to cry. Because in that moment, I realized it was a long time since someone actually saw her, let alone a family member, and could, you know, really meet her where she's at and acknowledge, hey, I see you. And that's the, the inspiration behind Alan Thistle was remembering that beautiful moment with my sister and just saying, what if I shared that with other people? What if I allowed other people to have that same experience as me where they could see like, hey, I know you're struggling. I know you're going through a difficult time right now, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm here and I see you. And you are so loved. Please stay. That's, that's what I am inviting people to, to happen in their life and to get that opportunity for them. Yeah, through Alan Thistle.

Yeah. And this is where, um, this is a very sensitive question, it's a very sensitive subject, but I, I want to bring it up because I'm hesitant to talk about suicide prevention because I know so many people who are survivors of suicide, you know, in their family and they feel guilt, they blame themselves, and they say, well, I could have done something, I should have done something, I should have seen this, I should have stopped it. And so when we talk about suicide prevention, it could put the idea in someone's head, well, I didn't do what I was supposed to do. So how would you respond to that?

I would respond with the only way that I know how, and it was from my own experience. Is you got to give yourself grace and know that your loved one wouldn't want for you to carry this brick of I could have, I should have, how could I, this guilt, the shame, even the anger. They wouldn't want you to carry this around for the rest of your life. And It's understandably, you're sad, you're heartbroken, but I think of your loved one and what they would want for you in that moment and saying, okay, I'm choosing to, to process my grief. I'm choosing to not blame you and, and allow just love and compassion and just, again, grace into your life again, no matter how small. And especially hope. Always hold on to hope. You only need a sliver of it. That's all you need. And if that's enough to get you out of bed, fabulous. And just know that that's what your loved one would want for you. Your loved one wouldn't want you to to just sit and be in the heaviness of your pain and in your grief. They would want you to find these moments, these, these slivers of hope to continue to be able to, you know, have a very fulfilled and joyful life even though they're gone. But like I shared earlier, they may be physically gone But don't mistake that they're not with you on a regular basis, daily. In fact, you just gotta, you know, ask them, ask them to show up, ask them to be there, ask them, you know. And if you need to release a lot of that anger, you know, find ways that you can release that anger, right? I have a friend, she said she was watching a show and they were— they literally went outside in the show and they were showing the scene of this, this girl at the lake, and she just started screaming. And then she was like, oh, okay, I feel better. It's like even little things like that to just help release some of that, that pent-up— just, you know, I call it anger, I call it grief, you know, it's all accumulative. But we need to have these little moments where we can say, okay, It's going to be okay. I may not know what tomorrow is going to bring, but right now this is how I'm going to, you know, go about this. And just if I can emphasize one thing, it's please don't, please don't push, please don't like shove it under a rug and act like it didn't happen. And finding these daily whatever it is for you, whether that's journaling or, or screaming or whatever it is, just finding these little moments where you can slowly begin to heal is key.

Yeah, I think that was beautifully said. And I'm glad that you answered that way. Because I do find a lot of times people that, that frustration, the, the will be turned within. The anger will be turned within, and we'll blame ourselves for the actions of someone else. And we think like, we— I should have— I have control over the situation. And I deal with a lot of parents, particularly parents of children who have taken their lives. The parent will want— I mean, as a parent, we always think we're responsible for everything that happens with our child. So I appreciate your answer. And I love the story you told about Gina and the, and the, and the Christmas gift, and you saying you saw her because you did exactly the right thing, you know. And sometimes we can do all the right things and we still just can't prevent the action someone else is going to take. So we have to do what we can do, but we can't control the outcome is the way I look at it.

Yeah, yeah, I agree, I agree.

So when people— if someone wanted to work with you, how would they go about getting started? Should they go to your website and get the journal? Should they sign up for the gift box? Do coaching? How would you recommend someone get started with you?

Yeah, that's a beautiful question. They can reach out to me on my website, either scatteringhelp.com or owlandthistle.com. And there are links to, you know, the subscription box. There are links to the 30-day journal. You can reach out to me via email, and both of my emails are on both corresponding websites, and we'll all make sure to get those over to you. But yeah, I would love for people to connect and just reach out and share their heart, share their story, and I think that's one of the most powerful things that we can do is to share our story and not let our loved ones truly be gone because they don't want to be gone. They don't truly want to be gone too. They want you to remember them. And I'm constantly reminded of my sister and she's telling me like, don't forget about me. Don't forget about me. Like find ways to remember me and, you know, laugh and smile and continue with your life. But please don't forget about me. And I would just encourage your listeners to do the same. Don't forget about them. Find ways to remember them, celebrate them, honor their memory. But, but please don't, don't let them die permanently.

Yeah. Yeah, I love what you just said about don't forget about them. And I get the same message from my daughter, which is why she's in my background when I, when I do my podcast and stuff, because everything I do, I do, you know, because of her and for her. And I hear her constantly saying, you know, you got it, you got to keep doing, you got to keep doing this stuff.

This—

so I think, you know, people will sometimes ask, you know, can people be sad in the afterlife? And I don't know the answer to that question. I think it's kind of complicated. But I know the one thing I think would make them sad is that we're sad. I think if they look at us, and we're not living our lives to the fullest, and we've let their, their passing destroy us, I think that's the one thing that could make them sad. And I think we have an obligation, as you said, to keep their memory alive and to, to live to the fullest for them.

Yeah, I couldn't agree more.

So, um, any, any final thoughts you want to get before we wrap up today?

Just like I was mentioning earlier, just hold on to that hope, whatever that looks like. If you are in that dark place and you just feel as if, you know, I'm not loved, I don't feel like anybody would care if I'm gone. I just want you to know that that's not true. There are people out there. They may not express it, they may not even show it, but I promise you from the bottom of my heart that there are people out there that need you, that love you, and they would just be absolutely devastated if you were gone. And like I said, Some people have a really funny way of showing it, but make no mistake, you are loved. Wow.

Yeah. Great. Great. Thank you, Krystal. Well, just let everybody know, there'll be links in the show notes also, but your website is scatteringhope.com and alanthistle.com. And your name is Krystal Partney, P-A-R-T-N-E-Y. Sometimes people are listening, they don't get— they don't see the show notes. I want to get that on the audio. Crystal, it's been great having you on Grief 2 Growth. Thanks for being here today. Thanks for what you're doing. It's, it's incredible that, you know, only a couple years after your sister's passing, that you're carrying her legacy in the way that you are. So I know she's really proud of you.

Oh, thank you so much. And thanks for having me. And I hope your, your listeners, you know, found some, some hope, hope in my story, and that they can, you know, find themselves in it. And know that there's always that, that hope to hold on to.

Awesome. Thanks. Have a great rest of your day.

Thanks for listening to Grief to Growth. Brian hopes that you find this episode helpful, and will come back for future episodes. Brian's bestselling book, Grief to Growth: Planted, Not Buried, is a great resource for anyone who is coping with grief or knows someone who is. If you enjoy the podcast and would like to support it, there are 3 things you can do to help. The first is to share the podcast with someone that you think it will help. The second is to go to iTunes, rate and review the episode. The third way you can support the podcast is by becoming a patron. Head over to www.patreon.com/grieftogrowth.

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