Healing From Within: Oliver Rolfe's INCREDIBLE Holistic Journey to Overcome Chronic Disease! Transfor

You know you need something, you're just not sure what. You've been listening, you're doing the work, but there's still this feeling that you're circling the same place, like you're waiting for the thing that finally moves you. Now maybe you've thought about working with me one-on-one. Maybe something's held you back, the timing, the money, or you're just not sure you're ready yet. I get that. And I want you to know there's still a place for you. I built a resource for exactly this moment, guided meditations for when the waves hit and you just need to breathe. Workbooks to help you get out of your head and onto the page, ebooks on what near-death experiences tell us about the people we've lost, and whether they're really gone, a full course for widows and widowers who are ready to find their way back to living, and a full course for the evidence of the afterlife. And all of it is available for pay what you want. Nobody gets turned away because of money. I think these resources are valuable, but I don't want to hold them back because you don't have the money to pay for them. You don't have to wait until you're ready for coaching. The next step might be a lot smaller than you think. To find out, go to grief2growth.com/store. That's grief, the numeral 2, growth.com/store. And check out the resources I've made for you.

Hi there, welcome to Grief to Growth Podcast. Your host is Brian D Smith, spiritual seeker, bestselling author, grief survivor, and life coach. Brian believes that the worst tragedies of life provide the greatest opportunity for growth. Brian says he was planted, not buried, and he is here to help you grow where you've been planted by the difficulties in life. In each episode, Brian and his guests will share what has helped them to survive and thrive. It is his sincere hope this episode helps you today.

Hi everybody, this is Brian back with another episode of Grief to Growth. And today I've got with me Oliver Rolfe. And Oliver is the founder and CEO of Spartan International. And he focuses on life and career guidance and global equities and investment banking recruitment. He studied accounting and finance and started his career at the leading global accounting firm. In 2003, he began his financial services recruitment career with a subsidiary of S3, one of the largest recruitment companies in Europe, and he spent over 19 successful years specializing in, in mid to senior level individuals with outstanding track records in global equities. He published his first book, which is called "The Survivor's Guide to Your Career Today," which is the— in 2019. And it's the must-have career guide for 16 to 25-year-olds. He's also been published in the New York Times and Bloomberg, the Trade News, Euromoney, and many other global publications. Oliver and Spartan have a daily blog that receives hundreds of thousands of views a month. He has a LinkedIn follower of over 20,000 and a newsletter with thousands of subscribers. And he has a Spartan YouTube channel. And Spartan International has been running for well over a decade and is recognized internationally. But the reason why Oliver is here today is he's written a very interesting book that I want to talk about. His mission has really always been to assist people in becoming the best they can, they can be. And he's written a book called The Holistic Guide to Your Health and Well-Being Today, a step-by-step guide to the relationship between your physical, mental, energetic, and emotional health. So with that, I want to welcome to Grief to Growth, Oliver Rolfe.

Thank you so much, Brian. That was such a warm and welcoming introduction. And I genuinely really appreciate it. And I appreciate you inviting me onto your podcast. It's a real pleasure for me.

Yeah, it's great to have you here. And as I read your bio, people might wonder, well, why is he on Grief to Growth? Because that's— this show is really about healing. But your book sounds fascinating. So I'd like to find out Like, how did you— what made you decide to write this book after having such a successful career in, in the corporate world?

Um, it's a great question, and there are quite a different, uh, number of factors with this. So, um, I'll start with actually why I, I wrote the book, when I wrote it. So as you, uh, quite rightly mentioned, at the end of 2019, um, I wrote my first book, The Survivor's Guide to Your Career Today, and it really is a Um, it's a complete guide for, um, people in the latter stage of education, early stage of career. Gives a great overall view, but it also starts leading into meditation, mindfulness, being a bit more aware of yourself. And I think awareness and self-awareness is key, and that especially for me, I think that is the key point of the book. It's the key point of the sentiment that I believe that I'm, I'm trying to portray. Um, importantly, because one, there is no, uh, one-size-fits-all when it comes to health and well-being, and there's no one-size-fits-all when it comes to an individual. We are all genuinely individuals. That's why we have individual. And for me, the, the best way that anyone can help themselves is by genuinely knowing themselves the best they possibly can, because that's the starting point of everything. So, um, in, um, the book— so I was going back— so the book came out in 2019. I was unbelievably tired at that time. I was actually exhausted from work and from the book and everything that was going on around me. So I thought, you know what, I'll wait till 2020, because 2020 was, I think, well, for many a year was the big year where the world was going to change. We had flying cars and whatever else, right? Um, so I thought, right, I'll, uh, I'll push it over and do some marketing then. And then something happened a couple of months into, uh, 2020 that basically changed the world. So, um, I was sitting in— actually, I was sitting in, uh, my garden with, uh, my kids and my wife, and it was a beautiful day. It was, you know, it was really lovely and very fortunate to, you know, to be where we are. But, you know, I, I like to work, um, and I had just this overriding kind of energy to go, I can't do this. So I turned to my wife and I said, like, I just can't do this. And, uh, I think she said, you can't do what? I think she got slightly worried after 2 and a half weeks in lockdown that I wanted out. Um, but obviously being very supportive, I explained that I just had to go and do something and really put my energy to good use. Um, and, you know, bless her, she was unbelievable. Uh, we've got two young kids, so she really helped with, uh, them throughout the whole of lockdown and homeschooling whilst I pondered off to the office and, uh, and started on the book. Now, this book has come about in so many different facets. The, the long and the short of it, it was 10 years ago, about a decade ago, um, I slipped the first disc in my back, roughly about chest height, in the thoracic— I think thoracic 6 or 7, if memory serves. Um, and, um, unfortunately that slipped disc actually ended up stopping me playing, uh, soccer, which is such a massive thing for me. I was massively active and a really big catalyst, um, probably for the first thing of change in my life. But what then happened is that one slipped disc turned into 7 slipped and damaged discs and a diagnosis of something called ankylosing spondylitis. Or actually, I've got non-radiographic ankylosing spondylitis. Now, ankylosing spondylitis is an inflammatory disease of the spine, so left untreated the spine would fuse. So my life changed in an instant. Um, you know, I couldn't play soccer anymore, um, so I had to put my energies elsewhere, and I had to— I was trying to work for the right way to put it, this, but I almost had to deal with myself, um, you know, in many respects when you're so active, you just keep on going and you don't sit with yourself, you don't listen to yourself, uh, you don't feel yourself, you don't feel the pain, uh, or you don't feel the joy at times as well. You just get the— how I call it— the subconscious feeling. Now, I had to sit with myself and really start to understand how I'm going to get through this moment And I mean that non-dramatically because it wasn't just about the soccer side of it. I couldn't pick up my children and I physically couldn't lift them and hold them, which broke me. It was so painful for me. And I remember sitting at a restaurant— I don't want to tear up, but I remember sitting at a restaurant across the— across to a friend of mine, and I just burst out in tears because it was just— it hurt so much. So I was dealing with mental anguish, physical anguish, chronic pain at the time. I kind of deal with that every day anyway. So it really gave me— it didn't give me much option in many respects but to really look at my life. So, you know, I started my company when I was 28, so I was always quite an active, forward-thinking person. But going back, so that was my story in my last decade, but, and I'll do this story very quickly because there's quite a lot of different points here. So, um, my parents got divorced between the ages of 5 and 6, which I think a lot of parents do, especially in the Western world in particular. Um, between the ages of 6 and 16, I had about 45 operations. Mostly on my sinuses. So dealt with a lot of kind of early trauma in that respect. I had asthma. I, I weighed 55 pounds more than I do now, probably actually a little bit more. So I was also a big kid. Um, at the same time as we were growing up, my brother was in rehab for drinks, drugs, and gambling. My sister was anorexic and bulimic. My dad had two nervous breakdowns. And I also had an exceptionally difficult relationship with a girlfriend who had said that she was pregnant with my child and it wasn't my child, it was someone else's, which I kind of knew, but like deep down. But that didn't come out till some years after. So, and by the way, you know, forgiveness is pure and it's something you must do. And actually, I'm still in contact with this person now. You know, we all make mistakes and it's about understanding those mistakes and understanding the lessons through them. But yeah, you know, there's been a lot for me to learn from. So when I was younger, I was— I think I went to every doctor that was available, you know, having 45 operations. Something's not right. And it wasn't a drastic thing. It's polyps in the sinus, effectively. Um, but it was just constantly recurring. So I saw allergists and holistic therapists and surgeons and anyone that, that could do anything. So I, I took in a huge amount of early information about every kind of, uh, medicine because really I was very fortunate my mother cared. I'm not saying that some others don't care, but you know, she spent a lot of time trying to help me and get me better and make sure I didn't have to go through these scenarios. Um, and then I— and throughout that period of time, and even including nutrition, to be fair, but even through that period, um, period of time, I learned so much. And then with what happened 10 years, uh, ago for me, now all of this is just a life filled of experience and personal kind of gain and knowledge.. And then what I've done within the book, it's not just me just saying, yeah, yeah, I did this and I did that. It really, it's not to do with that at all. It's basically, it's, there's been so much scientific research done everywhere. America in particular got some amazing research done, whether it's on foods or sleep or coffee or whatever it is. There's just a screen time. There is loads of loads and loads of research out there. And what I've done, I've pulled a lot of that research together to kind of give it a lot of background understanding to, you know, some of the things that are quite common, um, some of the things that you've probably got questions over, like, you know, how many cups of coffee is good for you and how many cups of coffee is bad for you. You know, those kind of elements are throughout the whole book, and it's really backed by science. So it's not just an element of being woo-woo and whatever else. And it's funny, you, you mentioned at the beginning about why am I on here as, you know, business person, and, you know, I've written a couple of books. The bottom line is the book and my life is my own healing. And whilst it's not been through the grief of loss, it's been through the grief of trauma and experience. And, uh, the funny thing is that, you know, With the Holistic Guide to Your Health and Wellbeing today, I'm going to be— no, it's not even I'm going to be, I'm using it as my own guide. I literally, I'm picking up going, I even forgot I wrote about that. That is, yeah, that's something which I'm going to take away today and just go, right, I'm gonna look after my stomach in a better way, or whatever it might be. And actually, it would— there was one point about, uh, you know, gut health is so important for the immune system. Antoine Bouchon came out with the Terrain Theory, and it was just— I literally flipped over to that page and I went, okay, this is, this is great. This, this can work. And it's, it's been so, so positive. So I know it's quite a, a long, in-depth answer to your question, but there really is a huge amount of background to why we are with the book today.

Yeah, it's, it's an important answer, and thank you very much for sharing that, that level of detail, because we tend to, you know, look at someone's bio, and we think we know everything about them, right? So it's like, well, this guy is a recruiter. So why would he know about this? And you gave a really good answer as to what your life experience has been. And I love what you said about grief, because when we think about grief, we think about the loss of a person. But grief can come about from any type of loss. It can come about from illness, from trauma, from different, you know, different things. And you also tied into how the fact that grief forces us to grow, which is the name of the show. That's why we're— why I'm here is because grief a lot of times changes us. It helps— we metamorphose, we, we take that grief and we transmute it into something else. And so I love hearing people's backstories. That's my favorite thing is to learn like, where do people what drives them, what gets them to where they are. So yeah, thanks for sharing that.

No, it's a pleasure. It's a pleasure. And you know, it's in, as you said, that growth comes through those experience and those difficult moments that I, I always feel that life throws you challenges that you can always go through and you can always succeed. You never get something that's too much for you. And once you go through that, as you say, you do metamorphose into a different version of yourself. You grow, you literally, you grow. And as you get older and you progress, you know, if you— yeah, I remember this from my grandparents and whatever else. The older generation, they're a quieter generation because they don't need to speak. They're already aware. And it's only those who want to educate that probably do end up speaking, or those who speak just for the sake of speaking. And I think that's such a poignant thing that, you know, the experience is, is so, so key. But it's nice in today's age, and especially with your podcast, to be able to give back and discuss things that probably— well, not even probably— would never have been discussed before. And people would be ashamed to discuss as well.

Yeah, well, and that's a lot of things I've tried to do with this. One is to lift that shame of talking about our traumas and our grief. To bring a humanity, a commonality to everyone. People I deal with are always asking me, well, is this normal for me to feel this way? And again, we tend to look at other people's lives, and we say, they— I'm having all this pain, but other people don't have it. Because we all, you know, we tend to keep these things to ourselves. And I was just talking with a friend last night. We were at dinner with a friend, and he just went through a major, major trauma. And my wife was sharing a story about a woman she knows. And we've known this woman for a while. How many years now? 15 years, probably. My wife just found out like last week that she had lost a daughter, you know, many years ago, but it had never come up. So, you know, I said, for people listening to this, there's like, oh, you know, again, they might look at you on the surface and say, successful guy, not a care in the world. You know, you would never know what the background is. Stay with us.

We'll be right back.

You know, one of the hardest things about grief, most of the people in your life just don't get it. They want you to be further along than you are. They get uncomfortable when you bring it up. So you stop bringing it up. And that's why I started writing. My Substack is where I go deeper, thought thoughts I don't always get to on the podcast, essays on consciousness, on continuing bonds, on what it actually means to carry loss and still build a life. The stuff that used to keep me up at night written out in a way that I hope meets you in the morning. But here's what I didn't expect when I started it: the community that showed up. People who are doing exactly what you're doing— listening, learning, trying to find their footing. Readers who comment, who share their own stories, who remind each other that none of us are as alone in this as we feel. And that's what the Substack has become— a place to go deeper with me and to find your people. It's free to subscribe. Find me at grief2growth.com/substack. That's grief, the numeral 2, growth.com/substack. Or just go to Substack and search for Grief to Growth. I hope to see you there.

Yeah, it's, um, and sometimes that in itself is a, is a mental challenge because you carry those scars with you and you, you carry it with you every day. It's like, it literally is like, it's, it is like luggage and it's, it's there. And I think people, you know, you almost want people to appreciate it in some ways. So you go, look, 'Just so you know, gone through some stuff. Give me a break. I'm doing my best.' You know, and it's almost that kind of attitude to a degree. And I think, you know, for me, whether I've always been like this, I can't even remember, but I, I tend to be on the, the very much more positive side of life personally. I don't see why you'd want to be on any other side. You'd be harming yourself before you even started. At least give yourself a chance and think, well, Um, and personally, there is a— that magnetism and connectivity of life. And I do believe that what you put out is what you receive. And it's not just being, uh, you know, talking about it on a fairy language. You, you have to do in life if you want to succeed. You have to do. And a lot of people, I think, sometimes just expect, and there are other people who do and don't get. And I think there's always a timing when you do get and when you don't get. But I always think that there is a— that for me, there's a soul's path and a soul's destiny, or a destiny in life that everyone has to follow. And again, this comes back to self-awareness. You know, we are amazing creatures that we have feelings and we can understand those feelings and you've got your subconscious that will give you a physical pain to make you realize of something, that you've made a mistake or you need to look at something. It happens constantly. And the thing— if you— there's a great book called Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. Not that I should be promoting his book, but it is a fantastic book, and I actually talk about it in mine. And Blink is basically, um, the point of if you're an experienced individual in whatever field um, within a blink of an eye, you would recognize, more likely subconsciously, that something is not right about a scenario. And he gives several scenarios about the same thing. And it's, it's the same way as if you walk into your room and something is off. You know, if you walked into your bedroom and someone moved something, or there was something that, you know, you know, that was always there, you would know subconsciously that something is not right in your room. And that is how the subconscious works. And I believe that the more we can connect to that— again, it comes from the self-understanding, the self-awareness— the more you can actually start to help yourself. And then once you've helped yourself and created that solid foundation, then you can start to move forward. However, what I've started to, uh, let's say maybe understand or probably believe more is that you have to keep a constant check It's not a case of, hola, I'm, I'm, I'm good, I'm good now, so onwards I march and I shall never look at myself again. Um, I think actually it's constant reflection and constant understanding. And I don't know about you, but so I often make mistakes, unfortunately, like everyone, um, but mistakes really hurt me. Uh, if, if someone hasn't agreed with agreed with— not so much I have something to agree with the decision, because that sounds really like I'm trying to be a people pleaser to everyone— but if I've done something and someone specifically disagreed or was generally very angry or anxious about it, that would stay with me for a little bit. I would— I have to sit on that and really, really let that work through, because otherwise it will stay with me for quite a long time and end up probably hurting me for the long term, to be fair. And I think that's kind of what happens. And I, you know, as I said, I can't say that I've been through the, probably the deep grief which a lot of people have. I know, well, my very good friend of mine runs, is a CEO of a grief encounters charity in London. So I am aware of it. But even having that loss, that grief, by not, I say, almost facing it and dealing with it head on, the harder it becomes for a longer period of time. And I think that becomes with anything. And it's so hard because dealing with it is whatever it is, whether it's loss of someone, a situation, even, you know, you have small losses. You know, someone leaves my company, I, you know, I feel a loss. You have that disconnection.

Sure.

And it's when you, when you're in that moment, you know, kind of feeling, uh, that instant, uh, connection and that pain you can get. But that pain actually brings you so much, um, understanding and experience and learning that you go, okay, well, why am I feeling like that? How can I improve that? What can I do next time to ensure invariably that doesn't happen? Or just to make sure that there's a better way of either you do it, dealing with it, handling it, or whatever else may be.

Yeah, well, you touched upon something I think it's very important is that we have a choice in how we look at things. We don't have a choice necessarily what happens to us, we have a choice in how we look at it. And, you know, we all have obstacles in life. And again, we look at somebody from the outside, and we look at very superficial level, we assume that they don't have the obstacles that I have. And we can get very down on ourselves and say, well, life's not been fair to me, you know, and we look at people that have overcome and don't really give them credit for what they've overcome, because they've gone through some of the same thing, same things that we have. They've just chosen to look at it a different way to look at it. As you said, it's like, what can I learn from this? What is this pain trying to teach me? What is what's going on here? And I could even you even lose— that could even be a physical pain. That could be coming from the subconscious trying to get our attention, trying to teach us or something. So it's a curiosity about life, I think, that comes about when you look at life that way.

It's interesting you say that. So I've had a lot of these conversations recently. So I, as Stephen Hawking says, and God rest his soul, before he passed, always look up. And, you know, it's a very fair, fair statement to make because most people, I would say, don't look up. You know, it's all very much looking down, very, uh, centered around today, Earth, and, and that's it. You know, it's a very physical existence. There is so much that happens. You know, we're talking about there are billions of stars and planets and I, you know, it— the mind boggles, really boggles, to understand what happens. Um, unfortunately, I said, in England you don't always get the best skies, and it's not always the most perfect weather to be sitting outside. However, um, when I'm on holiday or wherever else, my— maybe it was a warm climate, for me to sit outside and the stars it's just one of the most perfect things to do, not only for relaxation and just, you know, having that moment and just taking some time. And it is perfectly relaxing, relaxing, and actually quite a dark and temperate moment. Um, but the amount of activity there is in the sky is unbelievable and absolutely fascinating, whether it's shooting stars and I must have seen over 100 shooting stars, and every single one of them I'm still amazed by. They're just incredible. Um, or I've either seen, uh, a satellite or something else in the sky kind of go haywire, which was pretty fascinating as well. I don't know what, but you know, it's— there's just so much cool stuff that's going on. And I think when you, when you do look up, I think the anxiety of Earth kind of dissipates a little bit and you go, okay, well look, there's a lot more going on than just me. And I've always in my life had a, um, call it a macro view, a very, um, look outside looking in view, top down. And I, I genuinely feel that that perception is beneficial. And whilst I'm talking about obviously looking in yourself and understanding yourself, it's almost that, that's, that's being the core. That's kind of that center point where I think everyone needs to have. But I genuinely feel having that top-down view and seeing how everything is connected together, because everything's connected together. I, you know, in executive search, you see synchronicity the whole time, and just in the most fantastic and fabulous of ways, um, and in ways at times that you can only be amazed with. And the timing of things, um, you literally can't plan things better than what's already being set in motion. And sometimes you've almost got to just ride the wave of life and ride the energies. And, uh, and actually, I do feel that we get energies at different points So when you're going through a grief moment, I, I always feel— I think this is correct— your frequencies are lower. I think that's right, rather than higher. Um, and it's, it's almost rebalancing yourself and going through those, those individual moments. And it literally is, it's, it's just those individual moments.

Yeah, absolutely. I think it's— that's 100%, uh, correct. And I like what you talked about, you know, looking up and trying to take the macro view about things where we're going through. It's, it's very cold here right now. It's like 20 degrees below normal temperatures, and I hate the winter. Um, so, you know, I'm like, last week I'm thinking, okay, it's, it's cold, it's, it's getting dark early, we haven't seen the sun in a few days. And then I saw Buffalo, New York just got hit with like 6 feet of snow, and I looked at that and I'm like, okay, could be worse. So my whole attitude changed, and like You know, today it's sunny. It's about— what's it— it's, it's, it's up to freezing now, but it's sunny. I'm like, yeah, at least I'm not in Buffalo. So it's just a matter of how you look at things.

It— well, I think that's with everything. You could look at— you can look at it in such a much broader way. The fact that you've got a phenomenal show and you're in a beautiful, uh, place there, and you know, you're wearing lovely clothes and you've got technology and you've got food in your belly. And, you know, there are so many things that anyone could look at, but it is that moment you go, well, but I don't feel good at this moment. And, and you know what, I think everyone's allowed to have that moment as well. I think we should have that moment where you go, uh, I don't feel good, it's just having one of those really rubbish days. Okay, I'm allowed to have one of those rubbish days. And it's almost good to kind of have it because, um, I actually, I had one of those, uh, last week. I think on Friday I didn't have a great day. I was really I had a massive presentation which I would— I don't know why, for some reason I was really concerned about it. It was to some very, uh, some very senior US banks, uh, management team. And just, you know, I, I don't know why I was a little bit— put a huge amount of pressure on myself for like the week or two before. And literally come Friday, I was just so— I don't want to say exhausted, but my energy just dropped like 20-30%, and I just, I realized that straight away. I just felt, you know what, I need to take a couple of hours, or I don't even know what it is, I think 2 or 3 hours, did something else. I can't remember what I did now, which is perfect. If you don't remember what you've done in those 2 or 3 hours, you've probably done the right thing for you. And actually, in fact, I went out and, um, I saw my mother. In fact, I think she's awful, the fact I forgot that. Um, So I just thought, you know what, I'll go and see my mother. I saw my grandfather as well, and I felt genuinely that was a massive use, a great use of the time. And I think those moments where you can just connect to someone else and go, okay, well, let me see how they're doing. And you focus on yourself as a person and your network of love and connecting, obviously family. Um, it was, it was a genuinely really good thing for me. And I've only, I'd say I only started over the last 5 years, I could say 10 since I started short, but really since the last 5 where I'm noticing those things in myself and therefore I'm able to work through it and put, you know, these tools into practice. And that's really what life's about. It's utilizing the tools that you've got around you. For the betterment of yourself.

Yeah, that's a, that's a perfect example. And I love what you said there. Because sometimes people, when, you know, people like you and I are talking about healing and people, they, it's like, they could be this, I call it toxic positivity, where it's like, they think, okay, well, I'm just going to feel good all the time. I'm never going to have a bad thought. I'm never going to have a bad day. And we all do. We all do sometimes. But it's, it's feeling that, not judging ourselves for having a bad day or putting pressure on ourselves and saying, okay, what am I trying to tell myself here? What am I going to do? Take some time off, you know, because we can just— our society tells you to push, push, push and just push through it, which is not healthy in the long run. I mean, we're, we're all human beings, you know, we, we need those, those downtimes and those down days and those That's how life is. Life is a, it's a flow, it's a river.

Absolutely. I think that's such a lovely way to put it, and I completely agree. It is a flow. It is the flow of life. It's like the chi. Um, it really, it, it's enjoying the flow and not— I think that's, that's almost the point, what you're saying, really. It's not pushing against the flow.

Yeah.

Because if, you know, realistically, at that moment, I could have gone 'Ah, I've got stuff to do, I'm just gonna go and do it anyway.' And realistically, all you're doing is pushing yourself into a chronic stress level, which eventually will lead to burnout, and it's going to be far, far worse for you than taking a few hours here or there. It's the whole point of what I'm talking about. It's just going, 'Look, accept that you're not going to be running at 100 miles an hour every day of your life. You're a human being.' We are affected by viruses, by the weather, by energy, by people around us, um, by family, by love, by money. Um, give yourself a break. You're doing a good job. I mean, people— and you know what, this is the other thing as well: forgiveness. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself first. This is the most important thing. Yeah. And I've listened to a lot of things recently, and actually it's a very, very fair point. If something's happened, a lot of the, uh, the remnants of that pain is about your own forgiveness. So, you know, I lost a lot of my childhood. I probably took that— well, in some ways I probably took that on myself as being my fault, but it wasn't my fault. I didn't do anything about it. It was just what it was. It was the reality of life. And actually, there's another book which is in my book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, which I love. I think it's brilliant, is absolutely fantastic. But one of the main things he says is don't take things personally. And I love that because I would say in life most people take most things personally, and when you don't, you start to— actually, I love how my mind's working, it's giving me like really good images. Um, it's like water's at water for duck's back, you know. When you start to not take life personally, someone says a comment, you go, okay, and then you move on rather than going, you know, you said that that thing. What thing? When you're still holding on to like 3 weeks ago, right? And they're probably not even directing it at you. And, you know, it was a flippant comment and they didn't really mean it. Or— and the thing is, when you're taking these little things in and you can, you can hear things, you know, someone said to me this— I was with my wife and her friend the other day and she just had another baby. And I went to say hello to the baby. Baby started crying and she goes, oh, don't worry, Oliver's not that bad. And, um, I kind of went, yeah, I could say that in a lot of different ways, right?

Right.

But you take, you take it how it is and you go, well, it is what it is, move on. It's a baby crying, she's trying to make the baby happy. It's not about me, right? But you can take it and you can take it personally and you can get upset with these scenarios and then you can hold it forward and Suddenly relationships start to break down because, well, you said something and, well, you said that. Well, I'm just saying that back to you. And then suddenly you're breaking down a relationship and no one's actually said a single word to each other. And that's where communication's super key. Yes, with everything, with companies, with individuals. Say what you feel. Don't say something that sounds like what you think it feels. Say exactly what you mean, say exactly how you feel, let the other person know. Because when you do that, you're letting someone else know. That's what you're doing. You're not hiding anything, you're being truthful and honest, and you're being true to yourself. By doing that, you are being the best version of you, and the other person can then respond to who you are as a human being.

Yes. Yeah, I love you mentioned The Four Agreements. I talk about The Four Agreements all the time. It's, I think it's, it's so simple. And it's so brilliant. And if you live by those four principles, it will change your life. Because you realize when people say things to you, it's not about you, it's about them. You know, and so you use, as you said, I like that image, water off a duck's back, I, I'm gonna let this go. And that's why I was telling you earlier, I like to know where people are coming from. I love to get to know people at a deep level, because then I can say, okay, now I know why she said that. I know what perspective she's coming from. I know what her, her insecurities are. And, and like, that came from a place of insecurity that came from a wound that the person got as a child, you know, and a lot of times those things, we carry them forward in life. And we're always— we're adults, and we're trying to prove we're not who we were when we were 5 years old.

Absolutely right. And that is it. I think that's almost hard to deal with, uh, for everyone. And we are all growing and learning and progressing. And I feel that if you, if you don't learn from these, uh, lessons, they'll keep on coming back. And it's hard, you know, we all have these, you know, real deep underlying, uh, scars which when it's triggered, you know, you often feel like an anger, like a, you know, a genuine anger or a pain. It's, it's kind of either one or the other in many respects. Um, and it's tough, it's tough to, it's tough to go through. It's, it's tough to kind of keep on, see, making the same mistakes. But hopefully you, you connect onto it, and that goes from one, well, hopefully one positivity to another to another to another. And then eventually you'll get to a point, probably quite a long way into your life, I would have thought, where you feel complete in many respects. And I think that's, you know, when you feel whole in yourself and true in yourself, it's a very nice situation, I would say. I think it's an important moment, really, to feel complete and comfortable within yourself.

Yeah, but you mentioned something earlier I think was really good too. It's, it's an ongoing process. It It never ends. And that's the— it's the— it's when you get to the point where you realize that you're perfectly imperfect. And you, you can, you can still work on making yourself better. But you're okay with who you are. And it's a kind of a, almost a paradox. It's a paradox of accepting I'm not going to be perfect. And in that sense, I'm perfect in the way that I am. Yes.

And also, it goes back to what we've said before. If you do make a mistake, don't beat yourself up about it. Don't hold it with you, you know, let it go, learn from it. Try not to make the same mistake, but just don't beat yourself up and put yourself down. I think there's a lot of— and this, I think this actually opens up into a much wider conversation, Brian, really, because this is where we are with the social media, environment, not just for ourselves, but especially for the younger generation where they're being fed a virtual reality. Let's put it that way. You know, it is a virtual reality. You know, it's like, it's people moving into the meta world or the metaverse and living a virtual life when you've got a life here to live. It's running away from scenarios. Um, and I think that's— it's very dangerous because there is the vision and opinion of what one should, inverted commas, look like, dress like, present themselves like. The, you know, how does one feel good? How does one get the attention they want? You know, I've seen it with a lot of young people around me, family and whatnot, whereas, you know, the attention is driven— I say this in a loose way— but towards sex and, you know, an appeal of going down of, well, I want to feel good, so I want someone else to make me feel good. And it's the wrong attitude. I'm not saying that it's easy when you're younger. I was very I was after someone in the same way, to be honest. You know, there was always a scenario where, you know, you want to feel that love, but actually you really need to feel it yourself. And it's a— I think it's a very difficult one when you're looking at, say, a 16-year-old to have what they probably need, but a deep-level conversation of some kind of upset, trauma, whatever it might be that they've been through, um, and deal with it in, in a processed way. And I just think there's a, there's a lot of young, young people at the moment who have got a need for this, who are completely unaware of in themselves. Um, I think it's very difficult to, for parents to constantly pinpoint and highlight this because It is just difficult, you know, obviously subconsciously people hide their fears and weaknesses and frailties. And it's a very complicated and difficult time when you're a young— well, say an older teenager moving into real adulthood and dealing with all these emotions and pressures. You know, we are in a very difficult moment, and you add that towards What we had with lockdowns, I think, was exceptionally difficult on that, uh, the age group in particular.

Yeah.

Um, you know, the mental health that we've all really struggled with, and everyone has been, as we, you know, we mentioned before we started. Um, I, I genuinely believe that everyone's been affected, and if they haven't, I feel that they have. It just either hasn't manifested themselves or they're just completely unaware. And it could be to the smallest amount. Whether it's staying at home slightly more and just being, you know, I noticed myself, I feel more comfortable at times being at home. And that probably happened because I spent 2 years at home.

That's a shift I think a lot of us have made and not even realize. I just saw something the other day when we, when we went into lockdown, people were like, what do you mean I have to stay at home? And now people are like, what do you mean I have to leave my house? And you, you probably, I'm sure you see this in the recruiting space. You know, there's a big premium now. People want to work from home. People didn't really think about that 2 years ago. People in a lot of jobs never even considered working from home. But now, my wife's in the company, they're pretty much all virtual. And we got together with some of them at a dinner the other night, and a couple of them were like, I'm never giving this up. I don't care what they say. I'm not going back into the office.

Yeah, you know, as someone said to me the other day, I was talking about this. Pandora's box was opened and everyone saw what a flexible life could be like. And so I'll give you my specific breakdown. So if I were to work a week from home, I would save a whole day a week from not traveling. So automatically I'm already 20% up. So automatically anything I do on a Friday, hypothetically, or a Monday or whatever day I choose, is already more than I would normally have done. So just purely on that basis, and then you go to the fact that, okay, well, I've got a family, and just to, you know, they come home from school, I go down and make a cup of tea or a cup of coffee. Um, hi, how was your day? How did you get on? Can I have a hug? Uh, do you want something to eat? You know, those moments you can't get back in life, and You know, we are very fortunate in many respects because I feel the older generation really missed out because, you know, my grandfather's on the spectrum. My grandfather is a— he definitely is a role model for me. Couldn't read or write at the age of 16 and built a company that was worth a lot of money. Not, you know, the ridiculous monies, but, you know, a lot of money from scratch, put it that way. And work so, so, so, so hard. And, um, you know, he had no technology and he was all over the country. He was flying everywhere. You know, they just about had fax machines in that point. So you're having to run even more. And if you think about what they were doing, and, and this exasperates what we've said before, so He would write a few letters in a day, probably, because I imagine how many letters can you write? That takes quite some time, right? I would imagine you and I together probably get through somewhere between 50 and 100 emails minimum a day.

Yeah.

In communications. And you kind of go, well, hold on, I'm now doing like 20 times more than that generation was doing. And then you've got social media. So I'm reading 100 times more than I was reading before. The information's everywhere. I cannot tell you, I'm sitting here, Brian, I've got one screen in front of me and two screens to my side. That's how I live my kind of my world. And I love it because I love having everything around me. But this is, you know, this is a life where you are, your mind is having to do so much all the time. And it's not a case of, say, back in the day where there was just a telephone and no mobiles, where it was almost that one-on-one, that real one-on-one connection where it was, right, I'm in the moment, I'm with you, whoever you are, and that's it. Now there's distractions everywhere. There's distractions from the phone, from people around you, from Internet, news, you know, and also it's, it's, it's news which is not always news. It's news that you're being told about for some reason that you didn't know about, but someone thought it was a good idea to tell you for some reason. I'm sure, Brian.

Right, right. Yeah, you, you just brought up an excellent point, and it was— I was— again, I was just talking to my wife a couple days ago about this because there is such a mass— literally, like, anything you want in the world, information is available at your fingertips. I'm like, what a time we live in. And I think back, like, biblical times, and people, you know, you, you wrote things, you know, if it got written down at all, was a lot of oral tradition. And I'm like, you know, now we can know, like, I deal a lot with the afterlife. And I'm like, we can, we can know there's studies out there, and I can have access to all of them. But it, it also can be overwhelming. And this is why a book like about holistic health is really important, because our brains are processing so much more than they were before. I, I am constantly like— I was just this morning before I got on this call with you, I'm like, I'm in the middle of two courses right now that I'm taking online because they're all available. And I'm like, am I going to finish this one first? Or am I going to finish that one first? I was like, oh yeah, I've got that one out there that I started too. So you've got to really learn to focus and hone in on what's, what's important.

It's true. It's funny you say that. I'm doing a course as well. I thought, well, I'm doing 7 things at the same time, so why not give myself an 8th? Um, and, um, and the funny thing is I'm about— I'm now 3/4 of the way through it, and you kind of go, okay, right, I've got to do the last bit. And the last bit involves a bit of video and some interviews, and, and you go, okay, well, that, that's just— that takes a bit more time. So, you know, am I going to get time to do it? And you kind of push it a little bit to the side because it takes a slightly different, uh, level of effort or whatever else, right?

Right.

Um, you may— you mentioned something before in terms of, um, the afterlife. So I'm a big, big fan of, uh, Dr. Brian Weiss. It is Dr. Brian Weiss, I'm sure. That's one person. Um, Miami-Dade. Uh, I just— I think that— so I've done regression twice.

Yeah.

Um, so I've, uh, in my life's always been involved in the spiritual world in one or another. My father's been involved in it. My mother's very spiritual, although doesn't like to— she doesn't like to— doesn't explore it more than anything else. And invariably, actually, the spiritual world really helped me through my, say, my trauma when I hurt my back and got my diagnosis. And I really focused a lot on the spiritual world, to be fair. Because I think that one, it's just the most incredible thing. And they say, uh, seeing is believing. Personally, experiencing is believing at the same time. Um, right there, that whether you believe in the spiritual world or not, there are definitely energies in life. It is a fact there are energies. Um, like the chakras. The chakras are energy transducers of the body. So, um, when throughout COVID we often felt that we missed feeling each other. A lot of people felt, well, you know, I can't feel you. And over Zoom is a different thing. You can have some form of a connection over Zoom. There is a, some energy connection, but just not that same level. And that comes from the chakras. The chakras are picking up the energies between individuals, and it is a case of you give out, which is your aura, an energy field, and someone else will retrieve that field. It's like the same way if you meet someone for the first time and you've got an instant disliking to them, there are many different permutations of why you've made that decision or why you've subconsciously made the decision. Energy is one of them. If they've got, if they've got a feel to them that you just don't, you, you personally or subconsciously wouldn't agree to, you will get that feeling instantly. It's the same thing as having hairs in the back standing at the back of your neck. It's a warning sign for your body subconsciously telling you to be aware of a problem or issue around you. So all of these things together, you know, are so valid and valuable. Um, but the, the regression side of it, I just found an amazing experience, a really wonderfully amazing experience to go through a former life and in many respects experience the, the pain of life and the, the release of death as well, which was quite an amazing experience.

Yeah, well, that comes back to you talking earlier about that macro view. And that's, I think, the really cool thing about studying the afterlife, because some people might say, well, why, why do I— why should I care about the afterlife? Because that's then and this is now, and to focus on the now, and it's always important to focus on the now. But it's also, again, putting that perspective in life is like, okay, this isn't all that bad. Everything that I go through is temporary. I've been through it before. I've been through worse before. I've always come through it. I was again speaking with someone just last night, we were talking about the idea of death. And I'm like, that doesn't mean the same thing to me as it does to other people. I have to be very careful when I talk to other people about life because I can't remember who said it, but someone I know said, we have one life, and it's eternal. So we just— it's death as a transition. It's moving from one stage of life to another stage of life. And when you study near-death experiences as much as I have, and people say, I didn't die, I was, I was on the table, and then I was in the corner of the room, and then I was somewhere else. There was never a time when I wasn't me.. And that's the way that I tend to look at life. And it just makes it a little bit easier to, to pull back, you know, to not get so caught up in the minutiae.

Yeah, no, I think that's a really lovely way to look at it. And I would say that personally, it probably helped me in the same way. The one thing I say, so I'm not scared of death because of this, because I feel that it, you know, I don't want to say it's positive, it sounds like a really bad thing to say, um, but from what I experienced, it, it sounds— it seems quite amazing. Um, so I feel that that side of it doesn't scare me. What I do want is a full life, to experience this life in its entirety, and to be of service. And I really mean that, actually, you know. I would say the younger version listening to me would go, what are you talking about? What do you mean be of service? Go and do something yourself. Um, you know, that I can hear myself talking, so I, I don't— I know it sounds, you know, a bit strong, but I mean it. We— when you get to a point, I think, understand there is more and you can do more. And hence the reason why the book is even written, to be fair, you know, it's, it's not a— but you don't write a book to make, you know, to just make money. That's, that's not— you don't write this type of book for that. You write it because there is a real purpose and an understanding and a meaning behind it. Um, and this is where it comes, what you said, um, earlier in terms of that flow of life and that flow that I just, you know, I like to be in the moment, feel the moment, and experience the moment. So throughout that period, I just let everything take over. I think I wrote the book subconsciously, you know. I was, I was just, I was just doing my thing. I was getting information, I was researching, you know, it was about 11 months of every single day, literally like a job plus. Um, and it was, it was a real flow in that moment. Um, see, I think that, you know, it's such a lovely way of what you connected to when you, when you do feel and see that element, that it's not so bad at the end. But as I said before, I really— my key is I really want that long life to just give me the chance to do what I'd love to do and just help as many people as possible.

Yeah. And that's the— again, that's one of the paradoxes about life, is that the more you understand that death is not a bad thing— and I, I've said it so much, I'm not scared to say it anymore, but I know it sounds weird to other people. It's not, it's not a bad thing. But it makes life actually even more precious. Because you realize that you do have a role here, you do have a purpose, that, and again, it just, it lightens life a little bit. It doesn't, you know, I have a tendency to be a very half glass half full person, I tend to look at things negatively. That's the way I, that's my nature. But the more that I study this, the more that I get into it, the more I'm like, Yeah, you know, things aren't that bad. Things are good. Like I was saying earlier, it's cold here. Normally this time of year, I would be like depressed. I have seasonal affective disorder, you know, and I get, I get sad in the winter. I was talking to somebody the other day, I got a light, the SAD light to put on my desk to help.

And that helped for a while, one just down here.

And I, but I actually gave mine away. I had a friend that she was, she was suffering. And I said, I'm gonna give this to you. And she said, well, don't you need it? I'm like, no, because I've accepted that this is how I am this time of year. It's just a lower energy time of year for me. And I'm just, I'm just going to accept that. So I get up a little bit later in the morning, go to bed a little bit earlier at night, because that's the season. That's what the sun's telling me to do.

Yeah, I do know what that's— bless you for giving your lamp away. I've got one literally sitting next to me. So they really are, and I pulled out my cupboard last week because it just dropped and everything was dark and wet and cold in London. I just thought, all right, so here we are, so let's, let's see where we are. But I, I love what you just said and the fact that you just, you, you know, to take that on and just go, look, I understand, okay, it is what it is, let me readjust my personal schedule. And that's what— this is exactly what I'm talking about. You know you, so you just went, well, I'm, I'm going to do this. I know there'll be, I'm sure, people listening to this who just go, well, I can't do that, I've got to be at work at whatever time. Sure, yeah, you can, you can try and alter a day to give yourself time to create a balance. You can try in smaller areas. Whilst it might not be as easy and as flexible as, as you've been able to do— and to be completely honest, so do I with my back this time of year. The cold, the wet, the damp mornings are tough. Um, I don't put myself under pressure. I don't want— I don't make myself feel guilty There was a time that I did. I used to, I used to feel horrible that I was, you know, in bed for another half an hour or at times maybe an hour because of the pain. And you, you know, you gotta go, well, does it help you? Yeah. Does it help you continue throughout the day? Yeah. Is it the best thing that's for you and your family? Well, yeah, probably. All right, well then give yourself a break and forget about it.

Right. Yeah.

I, I, you know, you articulate this so well.

I, I recently worked with a coach and he talked about like taking breaks throughout the day. So, um, and I, and I talked to a guy, there's a clock I didn't even know about this called Pomodoro, I think it is, where you work for like 25-minute segments. So people actually put like a thing on their desk and it'll time them for 25 minutes and then you, you work for 25 minutes and then you get up and you take a break, 5, 10-minute break or whatever. And you're actually more productive than if you just sit and try to power through. And that, that's, that mentality says, I'm gonna be more productive in the time I'm working if I take, if I take this break and if I treat myself, you know, more gently. Yeah. Not everybody can do what I do cuz I, I walk for an hour and a half first thing every morning. But I also get up early to do that because the rest of the day I'm sitting at my desk and I, my— because of my schedule and my lifestyle, I'm like, if I want to get any activity in, it has to be first thing. So that's what I do. But for other people, it might be walking after dinner, you know, might be taking a 20-minute walk after, after I finish dinner. Whatever works for you.

Yeah, so I'd— my, mine's usually, uh, late afternoon if I can, or early evening just after work. I can then make a few phone calls I usually take my dog out. It's a great excuse to walk. And that's, again, it's one of the things that's in the book. Having a pet is just such a good reason to get out the house. Yeah, it really is. And obviously the love and, and, you know, affection you get from an animal is, uh, is amazing anyway. Um, and if you are by yourself in particular, I would definitely recommend getting an animal because I just think having someone who just looks after you and just goes, I love you, but can I have some food please? It's quite a nice thing.

Yeah. Well, let's talk about the book. So gimme some examples. We've, we've, we've talked a lot about it, but let's gimme some examples of what's in the book that can help people.

So, so the book is 420 pages. It covers a lot of things. Yeah. So the first and foremost of the book, it breaks down into the basis of the immune system. And I think a lot of people We're told a huge amount of information over COVID, and I don't think any of it really went in. So I picked out 5 or 6 points of, of the immune system to start with, and then it goes on to, uh, to talk about healthy living and, uh, lifestyle. So healthy living and lifestyle could— oh, it's a plethora of things. It could be talking about, um, sleep. So getting the right amount of sleep, so 6 to 8 hours sleep, the right temperature between 15.6, I think it is, and 19.3, I think something like that. Um, you know, those kind of elements. Uh, coffee, as I mentioned before, 2 cups of coffee a day is fine, up to 6 is okay. That's right, 2 cups, up to 2 cups of coffee a day is beneficial, up to 6 cups of coffee is okay, over 6 cups of coffee becomes a negative for your, your lifespan. So you're going into different elements throughout the whole of this book in terms of the health, healthy living and lifestyle in particular. Also talks about screen times, the negative effects of screen times, being aware that the, the red, green and blue light of the screen affects your circadian rhythms. So, you know, I think everyone's been at some stage in their life somehow on their phone or iPad or TV or whatever. And you were supposed to be in bed at 11. And you look at your watch like 2:30 in the morning and you're like, why, why did I do this? Why has this happened? And why did I not look at my time? Invariably what happens is at that point in the day, you're— the blue light of the screen is resetting your cycle. So you, you're not tired, or especially when you've got the screen right in your face, you're not tired. Um, and these kind of elements, you've just got to be aware of them, but over a long period of time they can have a genuine negative effect. So that's kind of the opening gambit. Then we talk about the nutritional sense. As I mentioned to you, uh, Anton Bouchon talks about the terrain, uh, theory, which really is— it's factual, but it's what you eat. And within— well, your, uh, I think it was 70% of your immune system is within your gut. So that automatically should highlight that you've got to look after your stomach, what you're putting in it, what's right for you. And again, I think what's right for you is not right for someone else. Um, I, I do have a theory that everyone's got their own being. Um, as we've said before, we've got our own past lives. You take things from your past lives through from one to another. There are family hereditaries as well, so you've got lines of people that follow the same kind of illnesses. Um, but for me, um, and this even happen when I was younger. I just stopped it and then continued it when I was older. I'm gluten-free, dairy-free, you know, don't eat any, any white carbs at all. I don't think they benefit me in any way, shape, or form. I remember in particular I used to have a jacket potato for lunch, either at work or maybe on a Sunday with the kids. And we, we were out actually one time in a— it was a zoo or a farm, and I had this jacket potato And about half an hour later, I just crashed. My energy went from 100 to about -20, and I felt absolutely horrific. And the, you know, the sugars in there and everything else just really starts to affect my body. So I try and eat as fresh as humanly possible. So, uh, lots of fresh veg. I don't eat too much, um, fruit personally because I find it too sweet. I'm not a particularly— say, not particularly sweet person, but that's not a great thing to say. Um, but also, I, I guess people go, well, hold on, you don't eat carbs, you don't eat sweets, you don't drink any dairies. Um, like, one, what are you eating? And two, I am never going to do that. And the way I answer that is It's pretty simple. So the reason why I eat a lot of salad starts when I was younger. So as I mentioned, I was 55 pounds heavier when I was a, a younger lad. Um, now the reason why I started to eat salads— I went to a TGI Fridays. I don't remember the restaurant, it's awful, not a great restaurant, admittedly, when I was a kid. But, um, went to this restaurant and we were about to order our food and the waitress was putting down this salad to— or this, this tray to the table next to me, and it was massive. It was huge. There was loads of food on it. And I was like, what is that? And my mom goes, that's a salad. It's like a whatever salad. I'm gonna eat that. And basically I started to eat salads because it was the biggest thing on the menu. And so, you know, it wasn't a healthy start, um, and From that moment, actually, I started to absolutely love it. And I do like the freshness, I like the crunch and all that kind of good stuff. But the way to— I look at, um, food in particular is that the sun is the biggest and most powerful and most important energy source. The sun feeds everything. The sun gives everything energy, and the sun grows the fruits and the the vegetables and everything else. The closest thing you can get to energy is a raw piece of vegetable or whatever it might be, a raw piece of anything really. Um, I do eat meats, I do eat, uh, fishes. I'm not adverse to that. I know that I would say that being a vegan is definitely something to look at highly, and definitely don't eat a huge amount of red meats. I would try not to use too much frying things as well. But there, there are lots of different things that you can look at. But again, that's what I found for me. So what I do in, in the book is we highlight, or I highlight the, the foods that are good for your immune system. So you don't have to eat them, but if you were to eat these foods, whether it's you or someone else, they are immune boosters and genuinely positive for your, for your, for your gut health. And then we talk about vitamins. Now, with vitamins in particular, I talk about— so again, I've looked at a lot of vitamins with a nutritionist and a natural herbalist, obviously looking at every way I can to strengthen my body, whether it was B12, multivitamins, iron supplements, uh, vitamin D, um, cod liver oil. You know, these are all supplements that I take, so highlight what those supplements are and not my personal ones, but all the ones that there would be major boosters to your immune system that, that you should, or possibly at least know about. And then we talk, we use the, I think it's the NHS and the, the American version. It's not the CDC, I don't think it is, but it's something similar. I think it might be the CDC or the NIV. Might be the NIV. Anyway, so it— we utilize the, the variable, um, daily allowances because amazingly it changes from America to, uh, to Europe. Yeah, how much one should take with vitamins. So the way— and, and I think they do it by the, the terrain and nature and everything else and the foods and what else goes around it. But I just thought it was quite nice to give a balance of both. Um, and then we talk about mental health. And the connection to the physical and what mental health means and what it is. You know, this amazing stuff. And this— so, um, just try and get this right. So there's a Global Burden of Disease study in 2017, um, which said that a total of 970 million people were suffering from a mental health disorder or substance abuse disorder, of which 792— and, uh, 792 million specifically with a mental health disorder, with schizophrenia, uh, no, sorry, with, um, anxiety and depression being the highest two. Yeah, which takes about 550 million of that proportion. Now don't ask me why I know that, I've just been doing a lot of research and a huge amount of presentations recently, so I know that's in my mind and absolutely factual, right? Brian D Smith, that was in 2017. Now that number, I fear, post-COVID is going to be close to 1.3 billion people in the world. There are nearly 8 billion people in the world. You're talking about over 15% of the planet is suffering with a mental health problem. Mental health problems lead on to physical health problems. Physical health problems lead on to emotional health problems. Affects your energy. We are linked intrinsically together. Between our physical, mental, energetic, and emotional health. This is the point where you start to see everything come together. This is what the book is about. The Holistic Guide to Health and Wellbeing Today is a relationship between those four core bodies. And the more that one can understand themselves in each element, the more of a chance you're just giving yourself to be the better version of yourself, or be more aware to help yourself. And as I said earlier, just to have those tools available and the knowledge, really not being funny, there's information there. As I said, it's not about my information, it's about the information of some of the greatest scientists the planet's ever seen researching this stuff, right? Um, and I just happen to be the, the person that put it together. Um, and look, you know, I'm very blessed to be— to have had 4 co-editors of the book as well. A 30-year psychologist, David Moxon, an international numerologist, Anne Perry, who's fantastic, my spiritual mother, I call her, Sarah Leslie, who's a clairvoyant healer medium and the CEO of Steps Together, a UK rehabilitation center, which is my brother Darren Rolfe. Now, these 4 people came together to be a part of this, to really impart their knowledge and to make sure that everything we're doing is absolutely right. And, and the thing is, what I did with all of them none of them saw the whole book. Every single one of them just saw their own portion and never crossed over into someone else's because it was all about their specialism. It was all about them doing what, what they're good at, what their knowledge base is. And to have Anne Perry to work through our numerology, um, part is, is basically we have a really excellent basis of a numerology basic guide within this book. You literally could cut that book out and go, right, here's how you learn numerology. And people go, hold on, what's numerology? Isn't it a bit far-fetched? Well, numerology, you can take it in many different ways, but Pythagoras, the father of mathematics, created numerology in about 2500 BC. So Pythagoras came out with the theory that every number had its own personality. And realistically, in this planet and in the universe, if you boil anything down, it boils down to a number. We are, we are all numbers. Everything boils down to a number. So by having a, um, this vibration and personality, Pythagoras was able to give an identity to each number. Now, numerology works in a way that there are different ways to look at it, but the, the full base of numerology is that you— we are here and we have many lives and we are reincarnated and we're here to progress and learn. You know, we are effectively— we are here to learn. Um, and you can go the further up the, um, the education ladder spiritually, and then there are master numbers as well as, uh, 1 to 9. So, um, numerology is on the basis that before you're incarnated or reincarnated on Earth, uh, you would pass on to your parents a— not a name, but a specific number. So let's say when I was coming down, my number was 11. I have a specific path number, it's number 11. So I would have given guidance to my parents of the names. And, you know, I think every— virtually everyone everywhere, um, writes a list of names. And usually you think your list of names is going to be pretty huge, and really your list of names end up being about 3 or 4 for each boy and each girl because neither you or your partner can actually agree on the exact name, right? So you get this kind of list, and then suddenly the list goes, well, the first name's here and the middle name is there, and Suddenly it goes, well, the middle name's over there and it's gone over there and you get the name of your child. Now it seems amazingly organic most of the time how that happens, as in you don't really use any thought process to come up with that. They seem to appear, I would say, categorically with everyone. No one goes, I really struggled with that. And, you know, in the end I thought of this name. We did it. We did a cross-analysis and worked out that George was the best name. No, you get that, that feeling, or that, I don't know, I had a dream last night about George Washington, let's call it Washington, or whatever it might be, do you know what I mean? So, um, there are things that come to you. So invariably, because of your name and your birth date, those are the two core numbers of numerology. By working out, by utilizing those two core numbers you can get your life core. So your life core is your, uh, your life number, your personality number, your achievement number, um, your expression number, and also your heart's desire. I think that might be the same, actually. I've crossed over, I've missed one there. Um, but if you take your life path— so your life path is the path that you are to, to learn from, effectively. So within the book, we highlight all of the, the questions, dare I say, the don't be impatient, or learn not to be impatient, learn to be a teacher, learn to be helpful, learn to progress in life, etc., etc., etc., giving guidance to where you should be. And amazingly, I've always found at least Everyone I've ever spoke to about numerology always will feel at least 70% connection at the very minimum. But if there's a 70% connection, there is a chance there's something not 100% right with your name or middle name or a connection to, because usually— and for me it was 95-100% accurate, like everything just made so much more sense when I had this numerology reading and path in front of me. Um, and I think we're having that, the detail of that, and an understanding of your life path. And people might go, hold on, you're saying my life's mapped out? It's not about being mapped. We've all got free choice and we can do whatever we want at whatever time. But it's like if you take a course, you can either learn the course and pass the course, or you could do a different course and not pass the course that you're on. So we've got a, we've got a choice, and invariably we've chosen the lives we've got, um, and it's about making the most out of the situation, the opportunity, um, and being, as you've said, positive in every affirmation and every movement and every progression.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Well, it, it sounds like, um And I knew this before we talked, but it's— when you say holistic, you really mean holistic. This kind of covers every aspect of who we are. And it's great because we are, we are, we are these complex beings that there are all these influences and some of which we can have control over. So why not have control over as much as possible? And you touched upon something earlier about you know, this anxiety and depression that people are going through. And I have to— I always have to put a plug in for this book. It's— I love it. It's called Lost Connections by Johann Hari. I'm not sure if you're familiar with it. But he talks about all these people that are on all the, you know, all the antidepressants and stuff. And a lot of it is just, it's the fact that we just aren't connected to each other. We're not connected to ourselves, we're not connected to each other. And those things, you know, all those things you talked about that affect us individually, then we affect everybody around us. So we're, it's a, we're all connected, as you said earlier. So I love the idea of this sounds like a great, like almost a reference book, you know, read it, but then you can go back to it and say, okay, let me look at my nutrition. Let me look at the way, you know, what is, what is my life path? That's a real big question I get from people. Why am I here? What is my purpose?. And we can get some clues from things like that, from past life regressions, from numerology.

Absolutely. I couldn't agree with you anymore. I just feel that when you're at a point, especially I think with grief in particular, you're, you're clinging on at times, you're looking for answers. And just having a bit of an answer at times is enough. It's going, okay, well, hold on, there's more. There's more to this, and I want to learn more and understand more. And it's a very good self-tool. So there's something else as well. So, um, very quickly, so the other, the other elements of the book also to talk about: advanced body language, uh, emotional intelligence, um, as we've discussed already, um, Miguel Ruiz, sorry, Fourth and Fifth Agreements. Blink, Malcolm Gladwell, and also Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now, living in the moment. So whilst we've talked about a lot of things and we've talked about the future and the past and everything else, Eckhart Tolle is just brilliant in that being in the central moment, because when you are fully in a moment is when you can purely enjoy enlightenment. And I feel that it's, it's pretty hard to achieve, um, because you really have to be in that moment and in that flow of life. And I can say, you know, I'm not saying I'm, I'm in enlightenment every single day of my life. I work in the City of London in finance with a lot of things going on. It's not the easy thing to do. But I've had those moments and you go, you know what, he is absolutely right. And the thing is, it kind of— the whole point at the end of the book is it's tying it all together. So by now you've got the emotional intelligence. Again, it's understanding yourself. Numerology is understanding yourself. Advanced body language, understanding yourself and the other person, you know, just the more you understand by nonverbal communication, the easier life is anyway. But communication is not verbal. I think, was it 73% if I'm right in saying? I have got it in the book and excuse me if I'm wrong, but I think 73% of communication is nonverbal. Yeah, that's something. Physical, verbal and tonal. And tonal, I think it comes at 6%. But bearing in mind, I do a job where I've been speaking to people my whole life for 20 years, either in person or over the phone. I listen for the tone, I listen for the nuances, I listen beyond the listening. Because you hear what someone's saying, but then you go, okay, well, most people don't really want to say what they are saying, so let's look behind what they're saying into the subconscious, giving you the clue. And I feel that as an individual, the more that you can be aware of those nuances, just the easier life becomes. Because you might look at someone and they go— they might do something. I'm not going to give you an example because it could lead on to a whole different thing. They might do something, you go, 'Hold on, I, I recognize that. That doesn't— that mean something?' And the thing is, with body language, it's all about the moment. It is specifically about that split second. So, uh, so if you look up to the left, usually it signifies that you're thinking in your natural brain of a truthful answer. If you look up the right, you're being creative. Now, it doesn't mean you're lying if you look up into the right because you're being creative. No, you could just be creative. But if you're aware of that, you can go, okay, well, all right, fine. If you— if someone, someone is looking, say, to the right, and you can go, hold on, I've got a feeling they are not telling me the complete truth.

Right, right.

But you can't then go to them in 5 minutes' time and go, you're lying to me now. No, that was, that was 5 minutes ago. That was only in that, that thought process. And I noticed I did it in a, in a, in a podcast, uh, and it's hilarious, right? So I, I was watching myself back, which I don't normally like to do, to be completely honest, and, um, I was talking about something really trivial and I looked up to the right and I went Ah, I remember that. And I've not really seen myself do that. And you kind of go, all right, so you can really see the nuances. So that's what that side of it is about. So, um, so when you go back to the power of now with Eckhart Tolle and being in that moment, it connects to, um, don't take things personally, do your best. You know, all you always do your best from, uh, Dom Roque. Sounds like such a simple, simple thing and almost a stupid thing to say. Well, everyone says always do your best. Of course I'll do my best. It's not about that. It's you do your best for you, right? If you can wake up every day and go, well, no one can have a go at me ever because I've literally done the best that I can do and the best that I've delivered today. I didn't, you know, I wasn't smoking weed all day. I wasn't drinking beer all day or whatever it is, unless that happens to be your job, weed and beer taster, which kudos to you guys for getting some pretty decent jobs. Um, but you know what I mean? So it's again going back to what we said before, don't beat yourself up. And these guys connected in a very nice way to look at the individual points, to go, right, look, live your life in the present. There are past present moments, but they don't exist because they're gone. There are future present moments, well, they're nowhere near, so what is the point of worrying about it? The present moment. This is the moment. This moment with you and I is the only moment you and I will ever be able to connect to in a conscious basis. That's it. You can't be somewhere else. Your mind might be a little bit somewhere else. Your heart might be a little bit somewhere else. You can— bits of you are somewhere else, but your consciousness has to be present. And if you're present in the moment, there's no fear, there's no worry, there's no anxiety. There's nothing wrong with this moment. There's nothing happening in 5 minutes that's going to worry you because there is no 5 minutes. Because there's only now. So the more you live in that moment, the less of that future anxiety that you're going to have, the less of that concern you're going to have, the less questioning you're going to have. That is a, I think, a massively key tool for anyone to learn, especially when we're talking about depression and anxiety. So, you know, piecing everything together, even up into the numerology, and then adding this element at the end As you've said, you know, I've tried to look at everything, but not I've tried to look at everything. This is what I've used. This is what I have personally utilized and, and really, dare I say it, loved using. You know, I think a lot of people can use, um, information and data or be told different things with information and data and not really connect to it. You kind of read something, go Oh yes, kind of useful. But when you connect to something and you love it, the level goes up such a different degree. Like, as I was talking about before with Brian, with Dr. Brian Weiss, my mind was blown away with, right, you know, the messages from the Masters. You're like, oh, everyone should be reading this.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Well, and, and that's the thing, it's, it, you know, there are certain books that you read, as you said, and you get the information, uh And I was— I'm taking this course now, they talk about like, the information is like 20%. But 80% is actually using it. It's the inspiration, and it's actually using it to change your life. So with a book like this, it's like, don't just read it. What are you going to do? You know, you mentioned earlier, life is about doing. So what are you going to do with it? So we've actually gone past our time. I've really, really enjoyed this conversation. So Oliver, I want to thank you for being here and letting people know like how they can reach you, where they can get the book, and remind people the name of the book as well.

Okay, so the book is called The Holistic Guide to Your Health and Wellbeing Today. It is out in the UK at the end of this week. So, so excited to be here and do this podcast. It comes out in America on the 1st of December and globally the 1st of December, just after Thanksgiving. So thanks, happy Thanksgiving to everyone out there. If there's a gift that you want to give someone as a present for having you, this is fantastic. It's a great stocking filler as well. Um, you can catch me at any point. My website address is www.spartan-int.com, and you can catch me at info@spartan-exec.com.

All right, well, thanks for being here. It's been a great conversation.

It genuinely has been an absolute pleasure, and, uh, you're an awesome guest. And if you ever invite me back, I'd be absolutely delighted to be back again.

Absolutely. Have a good one.

Thanks for listening to Grief to Growth. Brian hopes that you find this episode helpful, and will come back for future episodes. Brian's bestselling book, Grief to Growth: Planted, Not Buried, is a great resource for anyone who is coping with grief or knows someone who is. If you enjoy the podcast and would like to support it, there are 3 things you can do to help. The first is to share the podcast with someone that you think it will help. The second is to go to iTunes, rate and review the episode. The third way you can support the podcast is by becoming a patron. Head over to www.patreon.com/grief2growth. That's P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com/grief, the number 2, growth, and sign up to make a small monthly donation. Patrons get access to exclusive bonus content and knowledge that you are helping to spread the message of grief to growth. For more about Brian and grief to growth, visit www.grieftogrowth.com.

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