On Her Own Since 13 Years Old- Overcoming Trauma with Angela Jean | EP 467

You know you need something, you're just not sure what. You've been listening, you're doing the work, but there's still this feeling that you're circling the same place, like you're waiting for the thing that finally moves you. Now maybe you've thought about working with me one-on-one. Maybe something's held you back, the timing, the money, or you're just not sure you're ready yet. I get that. And I want you to know there's still a place for you. I built a resource for exactly this moment, guided meditations for when the waves hit and you just need to breathe. Workbooks to help you get out of your head and onto the page, ebooks on what near-death experiences tell us about the people we've lost, and whether they're really gone, a full course for widows and widowers who are ready to find their way back to living, and a full course for the evidence of the afterlife. And all of it is available for pay what you want. Nobody gets turned away because of money. I think these resources are valuable, but I don't want to hold them back because you don't have the money to pay for them. You don't have to wait until you're ready for coaching. The next step might be a lot smaller than you think. To find out, go to grief2growth.com/store. That's grief, the numeral 2, growth.com/store. And check out the resources I've made for you. Close your eyes and imagine. What are the things in life that cause us the greatest pain? The things that bring us grief are challenges, challenges designed to help us grow, to ultimately become what we were always meant to be. We feel like we've been buried. But what if, like a seed, we've been planted? And having been planted, we grow to become a mighty tree. Now, open your eyes. Open your eyes to this way of viewing life. Come with me as we explore your true, infinite, eternal nature. This is Grief to Growth. And I am your host, Brian D Smith. Hey there, I'm Brian D Smith, and welcome to Grief 2 Growth. Whether this is your first time joining us, or you've been walking this path with us for a while, I am truly glad you're here. This story is about making sense of life, especially when life doesn't make sense. We talk about how to navigate grief and loss, explore our deeper purpose, and ask the big questions. Who are we? Why are we here? Where do we go from here? I bring on guests who help illuminate the path no matter how dark it may feel at times. My guest today is Angela Jean, and Angela brings a powerful embodied approach to healing and transformation that goes far beyond mindset or affirmation. She's a mindset and nervous system strategist, but more than that, she's a resilience architect forged through lived experience. At just the age of 13, Angela left behind the traditional path to walk her own path, one marked by trauma, by survival, and ultimately deep reclamation. Having lost both her father and sister to suicide, Angela turned to her body's survival instincts turned her body's— I should say— into a roadmap for embodied healing and personal mastery. Her approach is not theoretical, it's actually visceral, rooted in rhythm, micro movements, and nervous system science. Angela teaches that you are who you train to be. In this episode, we'll explore what it really means and how we can all begin to regulate our nervous systems, transform self-sabotage into sovereignty, and tune into our own internal compass. We talk about how the body remembers danger before the mind can process it. And how that truth became a foundation for healing rather than a life sentence. We'll look at how to replace performative healing with true alignment, how frequency and energy impact what we call in, and how to move from overthinking into a deeper state of inner knowing. This episode is for anyone who has felt stuck in survival mode, who is tired of chasing healing, and who's ready to come home to themselves, not just in theory, but in practice. And after the episode, I invite you to continue the conversation with me over at my Substack, at grieftogrowth.substack.com. You'll find an article there that delves deeper into what we talked about today. And I'd love to hear your thoughts and connect with you in the comments. So now let's dive in and welcome Angela Jean.

Wow. Hi, Brian. That was quite the intro.

Yeah, well, it's good to have you here. You have— I'm sure you have quite a story to tell. So I wanted to do it justice.

Thank you.

So we were talking earlier, I know your life took a turn very early. Um, so tell me about that.

Like many of us, I was raised in a household that had a lot of trauma. Both my parents struggled with addiction, my mom more so than my dad. So when I was 3 years old, my dad decided to raise us on his own. Unfortunately, with that came very bad choices in partner selection. So he married my first stepmom, and that's when real abuse was introduced into the household. She was extremely physical abusive.

Mm-hmm.

Um, at 13, after 10 years of dealing with that, I decided to try to move in with my mom, who was still struggling with sobriety but sober enough to have a home. When I moved in with her, she had chosen a man that was a pedophile. So then I dealt with the sexual abuse, which is why I left home so early at 13 years old. That's kind of nutshell the childhood trauma without getting too much. Um, so I decided, yeah, I decided to jump out the window at 13 because that was safer than home. And that's when the survival, you know, the survival really kicked in because at 13 years old I was sleeping in bushes. I was shoplifting candy and smoking because smoking curbs your appetite and, you know, living on candy and honestly hitchhiking. Like, if you think of that stuff now, it's just like, oh my goodness, how, how, how did I make it this far? Is really a miracle. You know, that's why I really do believe in some type of guardian angel, you know what I mean, watching over us and that individual soul journey having such a purpose.

Yeah, that when, you know, so logistically, at 13, how did— yeah, at 13 you said you were, you were on your own, so you were, um, how were you getting by?

You know what's so interesting about trauma? I can't, you know, I wish I could answer that question. I can't remember so much. I just remember sleeping in bushes. I remember, honestly, believe it or not, meeting— this sounds so crazy— but like a gang member that kind of took me on and took care of me, like, and I was introduced to like this life. I don't really know. I went from house to house. I was living wherever I could sleep. I was sleeping on couches. Like, that's why I think that home was never anything that felt safe for me. So even once I was an adult and I had a home, I became so protective of anyone that I would even let walk in through my front door.

Sure.

Because I so used to sleeping on guard. Because if you're sleeping in someone's house on the floor because they let you stay there, you're not really sleeping. You're sleeping with your eyes open, you know what I mean? Because anything can happen, especially a lot of these homes were men, you know, so it's quite scary. Um, you know, there's a lot of drugs involved. There's just— there's so much that I can't remember. I do know when I did find, let's just say, my grounding at around 17 years old, I met this guy who was just, like I say, one of these guardian angels that were put into my life and just let me live in his attic, took care of me, nothing weird. He was like the nicest guy I've ever met, and I was able to blossom from there. Hmm. I mean, listen, we're still living and— I say we're still living and loving from the wound because I had many toxic patterns, you know what I mean? I was constantly locked up in survival. I was at this point using my body as a weapon, you know? So naturally I went into exotic dancing, and I definitely worked with Playboy for a while, you know what I mean? It takes a long time to realize why you're doing what you're doing, you know what I mean? You don't understand. So that's the, that's the beautiful thing about these journeys, is that when you start to really cultivate a little bit of awareness and you start to hear that, that little whisper that sometimes— let's say I was, let's just say I was, uh, at a photo shoot and you just hear that whisper like, this doesn't feel right, why am I doing this? You just— that connection, you see that you don't connect to the lifestyle the way everybody else does, and you really try to start figuring out why do you feel so different than everybody else? Like, that's when the real journey begins, is when you really start to answer that whisper. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, it's very subtle.

Yeah, yeah, that, that, that inner voice that I think is actually— I think it's your higher self, but a lot of times it's drowned out by those other voices. And we all develop these, these voices that speak to us through our early childhood. And I would imagine yours are probably very loud, as you said. You know, you're— these, these voices are there to protect us, so they were always— they put us in that survival devil mode. So yeah, I definitely understand what you're talking about.

Yeah. And it's interesting, it would always trigger when I was— let's say like we were hosting a big event and all the girls were getting drunk and doing drugs, and I just, I never connected to that. And I was just like, why am I so different? Like, why is everyone okay with this and I'm not? You would think I would be the one that was okay with it because I like dealt with alcoholism and sexual abuse and all this stuff in my home. But it's funny how I would lock up and I just would realize, I'm like, why is this not okay with me? And I almost— like you say, it's your higher self pulling you into this purpose. Like, I think so many of us that experienced trauma, like, if we can alchemize that, we become such a vehicle of service, you know? Because I can speak to everything now that I've, you know, definitely done the transformative healing and, gosh, all the training that I've done. But that didn't really start happening until I experienced the suicides in my family. So once I was obviously working and living my own life, I tried to go back home, and that's when I really got— you think I had enough trauma? That's when I really got hit with trauma, because that's when my dad committed suicide. My little sister committed suicide right after, and then my mom right after.

Oh, wow.

That's when it was like full-blown spiritual awakening.

Yeah.

And that's when I dug in and I realized, okay, this is not going to be my story. It's going to end with me. I'm going to figure this out. And because there were so many suicides and I started feeling that rumination of the mind, that's when I really kind of shut my life down, stepped out of the life I was living and just kind of cave mode and was like, okay, like, why did they commit suicide? You know, you're searching for all these answers of like, why did they commit suicide? And I was starting to ruminate. I'm like, okay, it's the thought patterns, it's, it's the thinking, it's the thinking. How do I control the thinking? I couldn't control the thinking. I'm like, how do I outrun my mind? I couldn't outrun my mind. How do I— what is this feeling? Why do I feel like I'm just like there's a fist wrapped around my chest? Why can't I breathe? It was just constantly like, why can't this, why can't that, why can't this? You know what I mean? That search and that struggle just to answer that pain and to answer that suffocation I was feeling, that I started, you know, studying and just be like, okay, thought patterns, thought patterns. How do I fix the thought pattern? That was the first thing that came to mind for me, like my thoughts, my thoughts, my thoughts. That's when I birthed the very first modality that I teach now. I learned that rhythm signals safety. Hmm. Everything that we want is on the other side of safety. So how do we signal safety to our mind? How do we signal safety to our thoughts? How do we signal safety to our body? Because it's running, right? It's constantly locking up in survival. How do I train protection instead of, um, rehearsing? God, I guess you would— how do I train? It's actually, how do I train presence? Yeah, more than protection. How do I train possibility more than protection? Because essentially that's what it's doing, right? When it locks up, it's It's protecting you. It's keeping you safe. It's keeping you alive, right?

Yeah, that's exactly right. You know, a lot of times people think that these voices, that they're, they're like our enemy to be fought, but they are there. They're there to protect us. They're— that's, that's their way of, of helping us. But it does— and I love your language— it locks us up. It shuts us down. Yeah. Um, and, and so many people, we think we are our thoughts. We don't even think about like trying to to manage our thoughts or to curate our thoughts. We're just like, they're our thoughts. And but there was something in you that said, they don't have to be.

Stay with us. We'll be right back.

You know, one of the hardest things about grief, most of the people in your life just don't get it. They want you to be further along than you are. They get uncomfortable when you bring it up. So you stop bringing it up. And that's why I started writing. My Substack is where I go deeper. Thoughts I don't always get to on the podcast. Essays on consciousness, on continuing bonds, on what it actually means to carry a loss and still build a life. The stuff that used to keep me up at night, written out in a way that I hope meets you in the morning. But here's what I didn't expect when I started it. The community that showed up. People who are doing exactly what you're doing. Listening, learning, trying to find their footing. Readers who comment, who share their own stories, who remind each other that none of us are as alone in this as we feel. And that's what the Substack has become— a place to go deeper with me and to find your people. It's free to subscribe. Find me at grief2growth.com/substack. That's grief, the numeral 2, growth.com/substack. Or just go to Substack and search for Grief to Growth. I hope to see you there.

Yeah, there was just something, like you say, that's like that inner conflict, you know. And so, like you say, when you lock up, like, people don't want to sit with that because it doesn't feel— it doesn't feel good. It hurts. You can't breathe. You just want to push it away, turn on the music, push it away, go have a drink, push it away, go socialize, you know. And that's why everyone feels stuck, because you're not taking the time to repattern your nervous system, to re-pattern your thought patterns, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

And over time, the thing is, is if you're— if every time you get triggered, essentially, if you— okay, if you track it all the way back to when you're a kid, the first time you got in trouble, you're rehearsing, okay, whatever I did wasn't okay, so let's be quiet. And then the next time, whatever I did, okay, let's be quiet, let's be a little bit smaller. You're shrinking, you're shrinking, right? So you're, you're rehearsing this protection.

Yeah.

So if you don't ever throughout life tell your nervous system, tell your thought patterns that this is not you, essentially it's no longer a rehearsal. This is who you are, you know, it becomes your identity.

Yes.

And that's a huge—

no, yeah, very much so, very much. And I, I think that's what happens to a lot of people. And it's, it's really interesting to me how these, these events we talked about, these traumatic events, I mean, first of all the childhood you went through that was, you know, traumatizing, but then the suicides. And so you go into the state of grief, I imagine, and shock. And what do you think it is that prompted you to turn within, to say the answers are within me, as opposed to, like, you know, like you said, other people are doing drugs and other things?

You know, it's interesting. I just, I got so sick of being a victim. I couldn't— I just was like my story, my identity. Why am I always abused? Why am I always abandoned? Why, why does everyone have love in their life and I don't? Why am I so disposed of? Like, I was so sick of fucking hearing that, but I just, I just literally let that pain and that fire just turn inward. And all of a sudden, that inner voice was like, why do you allow it? And when I heard that voice say, why do you allow it, that was like step one. And that was the real journey. Why do I allow my intimate partners to abuse me? Why do I allow them to hit me? Why do I allow them to treat me so bad? And then you have to backtrack it. When did I agree that love is pain? When did I agree that love is abuse? And guess what happened? Not immediately after asking that question, meditating, just not forcing— you guys, you have to have so much patience with these answers. One day I was in a meditation and I asked myself, like, why do I think love is pain? Why do I think— because I was dating a lot of, uh, physically abusive men, and I had a flashback. When I was in third grade, that stepmom that was physically abusive had just beat me so bad that my body was starting to hemorrhage, and she wanted to like mask the hemorrhaging. And so she threw me— threw me— across the bathroom into a freezing cold tub. And I'm sitting there naked with my knees up like this, scared to death. Like, this lady was scary, man. And she leans forward to me and she says, you know I love you. Don't you? And I was so afraid to say anything other than yes. I said yes. And I'm telling you right then, boom, imprint. Love means pain. Love is scary. Love hurts. And I took that imprint and took it with me all through my life. And I dated men that beat the crap out of me, that told me I was shit. And you guys, and that's why you got to track these patterns. You will find the connector. And in that moment, that's why I say that love and money imprints are distorted patterns. These are not our truth, you know what I mean? So that was a very, very powerful connector because then I realized, oh my God, no, this is not love.

Yeah.

And it's kind of sad that you wouldn't be obvious that when someone punches you in the face, this isn't love.

But yeah, you know, but you made a really good point. That's, that's what's imprinted, you know. When we're young, we're impressionable, and, and we do get imprinted with things, and we think this is the way things are. Whatever our parents happen to tell us, however our parents happen to treat us, whatever that is, we consider that's, quote, normal. Yeah.

And these are the imprints that create our identity, and that, you know, these stories hold our life in a holding pattern until you— until— and that's why I say that especially when it comes to these love imprints, like dating, people that refuse to date, I'm like, you need to date because you need to trigger yourself so that you have the opportunity to let it surface and be like, no, this is not the story. No, this is not my truth. And oftentimes, like, especially women, like, we just want to stay safe. We don't want to hurt again. We don't want to hurt anymore. We don't want to be let down. So we just don't date, and you can't ever heal, and you kind of sit with that version of yourself. So I probably tell people to do the opposite. I'm like, date, trigger yourself so that you can talk to yourself, so that you can heal yourself, so you can re-pattern yourself. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, we need to be triggered. You know, I'm at a level of my life right now where I've manifested like the most epic love story. And I thought I was good. I'm 50. I'm like, I'm good, I got this. Each level of love, each level of success is more— you go even deeper. Because I had a collapse the other day and I had to shut my day down. It took me 2 hours to recalibrate myself, and I refused to step away until I did, because I will not let that imprint ruin what I have manifested. You have to really fight for yourself. You have to just have so much pain, which is also anger. Just, man, just, I don't know, I always, I just, I, for me, I feel like I want to train people to fight for themselves.

Yeah, yeah, you, that's, you're, that was another, I love that point that you made about the pain because so often, well, our bodies are designed to run away from pain. That's, that's, that's biological. We're going to turn away from pain, whether that's physical or emotional pain. And a lot of people do, they shut down, they don't put themselves out there anymore. They're like, I don't want to experience the pain. But the pain can be such a great teacher if we take it and again, using your word, which alchemize it, we take that pain and we transform it into something else. So you lean into it, you lean into those experiences and, and you allow them to say, what is this here to teach me?

Exactly. And the big part of when people don't want to trigger themselves, don't want to lean into them, lean into themselves, it's a further form of self-abandonment, which is why people are so lonely though too. I went through a whole phase after all the suicides because I was feeling so lonely. I was like, God, I'm so lonely. Like, I just felt lonely. I had no one. I was like in the grocery store at Thanksgiving and I was like, I found myself, it was so sad following this woman and her grandma around because they were talking about dad's going to be there and uncle's going to be there and all the family members that were going to be there and what they were going to cook. And I was just kind of hovering next to them. I was like, oh my God, I'll never have this. You know what I mean? It was like so sad. And so I was feeling really lonely and I just, I really wanted to dig into that loneliness. So I was like, what is lonely anyway? Like, what is loneliness?. And that was a part of my journey that was really powerful, Brian, because what I started doing, I started just taking myself out. I wanted— I didn't want to wait for that plus one, right? So if I want to go somewhere romantic, if I wanted to go to a restaurant that just opened, I started going. And in the process of that, number one, it was very frightening at first, but in the process of that, I started watching people and I started seeing couples that were sitting together that weren't even talking to each other. They looked more lonely than me. And I really started to understand that loneliness has nothing to do with whether or not someone's sitting next to you.

Yeah.

And that kind of really anchored in a little bit of, I don't know, like inner authority. I don't know, I just started feeling powerful on my journey. I was like, okay, so if it has nothing to do that, then what is it? And I just— what I came to find is that it's a complete disconnection from the source within you, because we're always abandoning ourselves to people-please. To stay in the relationship, to not lose that job, to not upset a friend, you know. And the further we abandon ourselves by saying yes when we want to say no, it's that disconnection from self. So I learned, like, in the process of taking myself out, cooking dinner for myself, but like legit— candles, music, as if I was doing it for a man— that self-love practice really built, rebuilt me from the inside out. And from that moment on, like, that was— this was probably 6, 7 months I was so protective of myself, and because of that belief or whatever that was, that energetic alignment, I started attracting way better people. It was just interesting how you— when you start to build yourself out from the inside, it's almost like your vibrational matches change.

Yeah, exactly. I think, I think that is true. We, we do attract— energy attracts, you know, like energy.

Sure.

And, and it's, it's, um It's really sad to me that people that have been through those abusive relationships tend to, to attract those, the very thing that, you know, you really don't want. But it's, it's a, it is an energetic thing, I believe.

Yeah. And I mean, like I say, that imprint that you would do whenever. Yeah, that's why I say, like, that's what, when I say you are who you train to be, is because the world we're living in, and if you really want to change your life, you have to have systems in place, you know what I mean? That's why I have certain things that I do that are micro resets that I do. If I think something, no, you know, take a moment for yourself. If I'm feeling something, no. If my film, you know, my nervous system locking up, no. Like, I have things I do all day long because, you know what I mean, you are trained to be. And if you don't train a better version of yourself, if you don't tell yourself, no, that's not love, if you don't tell yourself, you know, re-pattern yourself, right, re-parent your nervous system, then nothing's going to change, you know?

Yeah, exactly. Well, I, I— the way I say it is life is a practice. It's work, you know. People— and I tell people that I work with, I'm like, I, I hate to have to tell you this, but it is work. I don't, you know, I don't use the word training, sir, but I'm like, it's a practice. And I'm like, there are things that I do every day. There are 4 things that I do every day. I do them all day long in terms of practicing, because you can't just let things just happen. Uh, you can't let your thoughts even just happen to you.

Yeah, I mean, I say the same thing. I do, I do 3 things I do, but also, like you say, it's a lifestyle. But also, the thing is, when we— when you and I teach people these little, uh, I call it having a toolbox, whatever you want to call it, systems in place, what it's also forcing you to do is check in with yourself constantly, you know, maintain this vessel. This body is here for the human experience, like, use it. Yeah, it's constantly giving you feedback. Your emotions are packed with data, packed with unmet needs usually. What do you need? I always say, like, if there's a baby screaming, what do we do? What do you need? Baby can't talk, but guess what? He can. What do we need? Say it. Yeah, you know what I mean? And even that, even being able to connect and communicate that, and if it's to yourself or to someone else, that's, you know, expansion and growth.

Yeah. So let's talk about your practices. What are they?

So I focus on— well, what I do for myself in the morning, I wake up and I, I do something. I step right into a nervous system reset. I put on an audio of rhythmic thought patterns based on whatever it is I'm working on, because also you have to know what you're working on, have it locked and loaded so that when it hits, you're like, ready, aim, fire. I always say that. And then I work with the energy, so I'll do meridian point massages as well. And that's kind of— I call it like my tune-up, my body tune-up. So I'll lean over, do my meridian point for anger, my meridian point for fear, which is on the bottom of my foot, and then my meridian point for overthinking. Honestly, the whole thing takes about 3 and a half minutes. I consider it like a little morning car wash for this vessel that we're in, you know what I mean? Mind-body energy. But what I try— my main thing that I work with when I work with people, I think the most important thing, step one, if you're going to do anything, it's the nervous system, the nervous system lockup. Pay attention to your body, start tuning in. If you feel your shoulders rising, if you feel yourself collapsing, if you feel that grip, that is for me step one. You cannot let that loop complete itself, because if you are— if you let it complete itself, I mean let it get so completely tightened up, you're affirming this is who you are. You're the victim. You're the person that doesn't get this. You're the person that's abused. You're the person that this— you're this, you're this, you're You're, you're, you're— the minute it locks up, you affirmed it. You just anchored it back in. You re-stamped that imprint, you know what I mean? So I think it's so imperative to catch that grip. If you're in traffic and you start to feel the tightening, you're thinking something that is triggering your nervous system. Do not let it collapse. So I always say the one thing I want people to do is the minute they feel that tightening, like, take— just stop what you're doing. And if you have to sway, like, this is where I teach them one-on-one, like, you do what works for you. Like, I like to sway. I can drop right in. Maybe someone can't. Maybe they need to tap the center of their chest. Either way, you need to sit with it until you feel soothed. Do not move until you feel the soothe. And you say to yourself, I am safe. I am safe. It's no different if you have a baby, you're reparenting your nervous system and take your tone down, take your cadence down, rhythmic, rhythmic, and do not move until you feel the soothe. Your session is done when your body feels soothed and not a minute before. There's no, that's why I say this forces people to connect. Yeah, don't connect. What you— you have to do what feels good for you. And you also pay attention, don't rush, because guess what? Rushing signals what? What do we do in, uh, primal— what is primal coding? Run from threats, right? I think even the world we live in, because we're also task-driven, moving so fast, like that's signaling danger. Yeah, no, yeah, like you can feel it in your chest when you have a busy day and like you have so many things to do. Like that's more, more, even more of a time to just do these little drop-ins Yeah, got this. I'm good. I got it. I got it.

So how did you come across these techniques? You mentioned earlier meditation. Did you start with meditation, or—

No, I mean, I— like I said, so after the suicides, I really got passionate about the thought patterns, and I started studying. I started studying the science of the mind, and I didn't understand, like, how do I harness the momentum of my mind? Because mine was—

woof—

I couldn't catch it, you know what I mean? And that's when I learned accidentally that rhythm is sticky because I was dog sitting at the time and I had to remember all these dogs' names. So I would make up these little riddle— riddles like Winnie the Pooh, Winnie the Pooh. And then I was showering and that was stuck in my head and I was like, oh my God, get this out of my head. And then I had that aha moment. I was like, oh my God, rhythm is sticky. That's when I started working with thought patterns. And so like I say, when I say you need to know what you're working on, like if you have a thought pattern that thinks you're not good enough, you create a rhythmic affirmation. That basically says the opposite. I am chosen. I am chosen. Whatever you want to say. And I am chosen. So the minute you hear like, I'm not good, I am chosen. I am chosen. I am chosen. That's how the rhythmic affirmations came to be. Obviously, there's a little more to them than that. I'm simplifying them, but that was dealing with my mind, right? So I was able to redirect the thought patterns of my mind, but I was still every now and then feeling that grip. I'm like, ooh, what's that? Why do I feel shitty still? That's the nervous system lockup. Because your mind, like, if you've been thinking the same thing for so long, why is your mind not believing this affirmation that says otherwise, right? Because you have to train your system. Because nothing's real until it's felt, at least for me, right? So how do we feel? Yeah, like we're not shit. How do we feel like we're loved? You know what I mean? And that's why I say the minute you feel the grip, the minute you feel that tightening you need to signal to your body, and it doesn't happen over time. So then I married the rhythmic affirmation with the movement.

Okay.

And then I wanted to learn the energy because I also struggled with anger, a lot of anger. I would anger management a lot, and I was like, okay, this is clearly a very powerful energy because it's like fire. Anyone that's dealt with anger— and that's when I learned anger. Okay, well, not all energy is the same. You have anger, you have depression, and then you have love and money spirals. So anger and depression are two totally different energies, and they need to be met, not managed. If you're someone that struggles with anger, I always say to meet aggression with aggression. And let me explain before you— before someone interprets that wrong. I don't mean— what I observed was if you are someone that's ever been angry and you throw something, it oddly feels better because you've dissipated the energy a little bit. Yeah, a lot of therapists will tell you just to breathe, you need to breathe when you're angry. True, but it has to be an aggressive breath. There's a huge difference. If you try to lay a calming breath on anger, it's not going to work, which is why it doesn't work for many people. So I say meet aggression with aggression. If you are someone that struggles with anger, you need to learn to dissipate that energy, right? So hard, hard, hard, and in the process you clear your mind of all thought. So that's the perfect time to also lay in whatever it is that you need to lay in. There's little systems that I stack together. And versus if you're someone that deals with depression, you're collapsing, what do you need to do? Opposite. You need to get as big as possible. Stand up, shift your state, open your arms, breath out. Oh, like open your mouth so your vessel just gets filled. Just remember that, you guys. If you're angry, dissipate. If you're collapsing in depression, open, get as big as possible.

Yeah.

And that's how you can learn. You have to, you have to know like the little nuances. It's, it's a game changer. Yeah, if you meet the energy where it is, you'll start to feel— the beautiful thing is you don't feel so helpless. Like, when you do this and it works and you're like, wow, that felt better, all of a sudden you realize that you are the healer. Yeah, like, we have everything we need. You just have to learn to use it properly.

Yeah, I love your point about, you know, that the emotions are— first of all, nothing's real until it's felt, because we are emotional beings. We can tell ourselves affirmations all day long, But if we don't believe them, if we don't feel them, you know, people say, well, this doesn't work. It's like, it's not working because you're just saying the words. You've got to feel the feeling. And I also love what you said about, you know, our emotions need to be— I think they need to be resolved rather than managed or regulated. You know, a lot of times we talk about regulating your emotions. Like you said, just bring your anger down. It's like, no, why am I angry? And what can I do to dissipate this? Sometimes Like, after my daughter passed away, I had a lot of anger. So I would go out and do something physical, like go chop wood, or, you know, go for a very— I, I don't run because I'm too old, but go for a really brisk walk or something. But something to dissipate that, rather than just try to sit and like meditate it away, because that doesn't work for anger.

Yeah. And then the beautiful thing is, is once you can dissipate it, it's not so, uh, what do they say, uh when emotions are high, intelligence is low. So when you can dissipate it, then you can come back and maybe— yes, journal, have a conversation with yourself when you're not so— because when you're angry, it's just noise.

Yeah, yeah. I've even told clients, because I was talking to one client and she was just like— I could just tell she was all worked up. I only met her— that was the first time I met her, and she just dumped all over me. And, uh, she was angry with her son and her ex-husband, etc. I said, well, just like I said, write a really just nasty letter. Just write it all out. And she goes, and then send it? I said, no, don't send it. We don't send it, but just write it out and then burn it.

Yeah, I call that a brain dump. So I always say, when you're brain dumping, let it rip. Yeah, say everything you want to say. But then I say, but then you take that— you got to look at that though. Look at what you just dumped, because that's all your unmet needs, right? And then I say, you have to also feed your mind with the nutrients, I would say, which means you want very, um, clear, concise words. So take the dump and then write, you know, clear, concise words of what you need, what you want, you know what I mean? So it has to be very, like I say, minimal words because it's nutrient. It's, it's like, it's, you know, you're feeding your mind power like nutrients, so you don't need a lot. Yes, and that's, that's interesting. That's so funny. The brain dump.

Yeah, I think I love that because people, you know, emotions are there for a reason, all emotions. And I tell people, they're like, there are no bad emotions. They're there for a reason. Ask them why they're there. It doesn't mean that they need to be expressed in a destructive way. We don't, we don't go like we said, we, you meet anger with anger, but not like you don't go dump on another person. But you have to, you have to have that same level of intensity to meet the anger.

Yeah. And I say walk it down the hill and then have a conversation with it.

Right.

But you're not going to have a conversation with your kid. I always just picture a child. I'm like, wait, if it's screaming, crying, you're not going to get anything good. You're not going to have any good conversation out of the child. So once he's calm, fully calm, then you're like, okay, what's upsetting you? You know what I mean? And then you have a little more clarity. There's something I like to do too. Anytime I'm having a moment of— I don't even just— I say an emotional charge. Whether it's anger, pain, a lot of people not sure what they're feeling, you know what I mean? Whether it's their pain. So I say whenever you're having a really intense emotional charge, I always clap my hands really, really hard. I'm not gonna do it on here because it'll be too loud. I clap them together so hard in that moment. And if you rub them, rub them hard and you spread it because of the energy that's in your body, I swear to you, Brian D Smith, it feels like you have a ball. You have a ball of energy. And I always say in that moment, you are so clear on what you don't want that play with that ball and say exactly what you do and play with it, play with it, play with it, and it'll start to get smaller and smaller. And for me, that's how I kind of like transmute the energy and I feel like I've harnessed it and let it go.

Yeah, yeah.

You can really feel it, especially when you're having a charge. If you clap and go like that, you will feel it's really magical. Like, we are so— we're so— like, the energy within our body is just like so powerful. And like you say, like, emotions are there for our expansion and growth because they're constantly saying, what do you need? Who do you need to become to get the life that you desire? Do you need to communicate clearer? Do you need to be more vulnerable? Do you need to speak your mind? What do you, you know, who do you need to become?

Well, you know, anger is a great example. Anger is there to protect us. We have anger for a reason. You know, if someone's coming at us, we have to be able to react. And so that's, that's from on a physical basis. But emotionally, we feel like sometimes people will say certain words to us and we feel attacked. So that's why, that's what the anger is there for. It's like it's putting up a wall, it's protecting you.

Yeah, I mean, in those imprints, oftentimes, like you say, when someone says something, we feel triggered. That's also like an imprint, you know. That's why I say when we've rehearsed, when we— with the nervous system, it's funny how if we rehearse, rehearse over and over again these protection, this protection, then we're easily triggered by facial expressions, by a certain voice, by someone's silence. And we already have a story of what that means based on 1975.

Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean?

But our nervous system doesn't know it's 1975. It doesn't know it's 2025, you know what I mean? So unfortunately, it pulls that story up. That's what that facial expression means. Boom, trigger. Yeah, here I am.

Yeah, that's exactly right. I find it's really interesting because I find I try not to assign intention to people. And I, but I noticed that we all, people do that, right? She said this and this is what she meant. I'm like, and I won't name anybody, but I'll say, how do you know that's what she meant? Because that's not what she said. But that's that we're calling that old programming back that says that's what that means, or that tone of voice. Or that, or that look. And we'll see someone who's, you know, just having a bad day and think, well, they don't like me. Well, maybe they're just having a bad day.

Yeah, we always make it all about us. It's so funny. It's, it's not, it's not funny, but we do, you know. Yeah, the way we interpret information is the life we have. I, and the crazy thing is, is, you know, like I said, I have, I feel like I have a lot of experience and I still communicated something wrong about 5 days ago and it really triggered someone and I It's crazy how even when I'm intentionally trying to communicate something from my heart, it still didn't come out right. Yeah, because he has his own filter and he's something else. So that's why it's like we have to extend each other so much grace and just not— it's so hard not to assume and interpret. But like, I even did it wrong the other day and it was taken wrong, and I'm like, holy shit, this is— this really is a lifestyle. Yeah, I had, you know, but I had— it took me like 45 minutes to really get myself out of that one. I was like, I really— I didn't mean it like that. I don't know. And I couldn't find the words. I still can't in the words, you know.

Well, the thing is, we're— as we work on these things, we're never perfect. We're always still working on them. And we still have— I, I've been working on this for a long time, and I still have things that someone will say something to me and I'm like, that reminds me of something my mother said to me when I was 16, and it just sends me over the edge. And it's like, that's not my mother, right? That's— this is another person. Yeah. And isn't that funny?

Like, in that moment, it is that little kid rushing up being like, what do you mean? Like, for me, it's like the little girl that's just scared to death. You really have to look at it like that. You really have to look at your trigger. Like, in that moment, is that 16-year-old kid coming up and dealing with it?

Yeah.

You need to be the parent and be like, I got this. We're good. I really kind of look at it like that. Anytime you trigger in your, whatever you want to call it, your inner child, that version of you that remembers, I talk to them like it's not me. I'm like, it's my child. Yeah, we're okay. I got this.

You know, I, I think the work that, that you're doing— we're talking about, you talked about earlier, like you had this, this almost this voice that came to you and said, you know, why is this happening? I think that's our higher self trying to talk to us because we, we are the child too, right?

Yeah.

So we're trying to do— we're trying to channel that higher self all the time to talk to all these parts that we have that are trying to protect us.

Yeah. I mean, it's the individual soul journey. And I mean, I think it's a really— I mean, I always encourage people to lean into the wound because when you alchemize it, the journey gets really beautiful. I really just think it turns— I call it like abstract art because now that I can look back at everything I endured and now I'm a vehicle of service, but now I'm still growing, you know what I mean? Because I've attracted a higher level love and it's expanding me even more. It's like, what else are we here for?

Yeah.

I feel like now it's my duty to hold the light for others and be like, come this way. And my duty to maintain my vibration, it's my duty to keep my vessel high vibe, to keep my thought patterns, you know what I mean? I really feel like it's a duty at this point. And I think if there were more of us with that mindset, like, I'm gonna rise for myself so I can rise for us all, like, raise the conscious collective, you know what I mean?

Yes.

Because a lot of times we can't do things for ourselves, but if you could do it for someone else, then do it for someone else. If you can't become better for yourself, but you did it for your daughter, I did it for my dad and my sister. Do it for someone else then. Doesn't matter how you start. Find something or someone to do it for if you can't do it for yourself.

Yeah, that's, that's a great point, you know, that, that motivation, because we all have to have a— we all have to have a why. Yeah, you know, so, you know, and if I, if I have a why, I can pretty much do, do anything. And for me, you know, for, for me, when I lost my daughter, I didn't want to be here. I mean, I was like, but I have, I have a wife, I have another daughter. I'm like, I did it for them. And then eventually I did it for Shayna. And now I'm to the point where I'm doing it for myself. Yeah. But, you know, you have to find that, that motivation to, to keep moving forward. And for everybody listening, you have to find that motivation for yourself.

Yeah. Isn't it? It's kind of sad that we can't do it for ourselves.

Yeah. Sometimes.

Where is that love? Where is that love that we just can't do it for ourselves?

Yeah, that's, that's a really great question. I think we just get so, you know, our society doesn't teach us that. You know, you, you talked earlier about, you know, self-love, and, and self-love is kind of looked down on. We were told it's selfish. We're told to do things for other people. I, when I was growing up, they were like, you know, other people are more important. You know, you have to, uh, and that's, it's fine, we need to take care of other people, but first we have to take care of ourselves. And I loved— you talked about, you know, going back early, you were talking about like taking yourself out, you know, going on a date with yourself. I heard people talk about that, and first time I heard, I was like, that sounds really weird. Or making dinner for yourself. But, but why not? Why not? You know, if you're gonna— if you're gonna make a nice dinner for somebody else, why not make a nice dinner for yourself?

Exactly. And like, it's interesting, that whole time in my life, it was— is probably the most powerful. Yeah, I was really okay with being alone, and I didn't feel lonely because the process of that, I really connected with myself, like reconnected with all the parts of myself that abandoned and given away.

Yeah, yeah. You've got to call all those parts back, and you have to heal, heal all those parts. I remember when I was in counseling, when I was in my, I don't know, 30s, I guess, and my counselor was talking about, like, you know, when I was a kid. I'm like, what? Why are we talking about this? What does this have to do with anything? Yeah. And I'm like, you know, I'm an adult now, but you're always carrying that kid with you. That, that 5-year-old is always still with you. That 6-year-old that 16-year-old, they're, they're still in there. And they do, they do get triggered at certain points. You know, you, you go right back into that. Yeah.

But you can't— like I say, like, you, you take advantage of every trigger and you talk to that, you know, child that rushes up, that story that starts to spin, and you can completely re-pattern it. You know what I mean? It's like, obviously, like, like you say, it's a constant, it's a lifestyle. I don't think it's ever completely gone, but you can definitely become a way better version of yourself in the process of maintaining these practices, you know.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So when people, um, I know you work with, with people, we've touched on that. So how, how do people work with you? How do you work with people?

I, well, there's two things I do. So I do one-on-one coaching, obviously, but also on my website I have all the digital downloads. So people can learn and do it on their own. I do— you have to, like I say, you have to have systems locked and loaded because you can't wait to get an appointment with us before you're going to deal with whatever you're dealing with. You know, you have to have something in place in the moment of the trigger, you know. So a lot of my digital downloads— sorry— are the rhythmic audios that train people how to do it themselves. They can, like I say, ready, aim, fire, ready, aim, fire. So there's a ton of digital downloads that I offer on top of the one-on-one training.

Yeah, I think it's, um, well, I, again, I, we, I think we resonate so much with the same type of thing that I've come to the conclusion that life is— and I love what you think, it's, you know, it's what you train for. You know, you get, you get the life you train for. Because what we don't realize is we're always training one way or the other. You know, these—

exactly—

thought patterns that are going on, they're getting ingrained. We're, we're developing these neural pathways that are going to just— and, and most of us run them on repeat without even thinking about them and not even knowing we can change the tape. And you have to break that cycle, and you're just an excellent example of that. And the thing I love about talking to people that have been through, like, what you have been through, these extreme examples, is it takes away excuses from the rest of us that say, well, I can't do that because you don't understand what I've been through. I've talked to people about forgiveness, so like, well you don't understand, this person did something. And I'm like, okay, well, I interviewed a guy whose father killed his mother and he forgave his father. So is that someone done something worse to you than that? And so that, that lets people know, I mean, you're just an example of the, the human spirit that if we decide, and it is a decision, it's, it is a decision how we're going to view life.

Yeah, exactly. And like, like you say, we are who we train to be, but majority of us are training in the wrong direction.

Yeah.

And I think the beauty about having Systems as Place is that I encourage people to feel your emotions, feel your emotions to the fullest. Feel that love so hard, feel that pain, feel that anger. Because guess what? You have systems in place to bring yourself back to baseline, because otherwise you're just living a blah life. If you don't want to feel love, you don't want to feel the pain, you don't want to feel the anger— well, like, you know what I mean? Like, I want people to feel their emotions fully. Live your life.

Yeah, that's a really good point. I, I was, uh, when I was in counseling when I was younger, the doctor put me on medication for anxiety and depression. And I took the medications and they kind of worked. They took the edge off of everything. It was like, and I was like, I feel like I'm like, not quite here all the time. And I'm like, I'd rather feel the highs and the lows than to feel nothing. And I think that some people, sometimes people think, well, if I, if I do meditation, if I do this, if I do that, then I can just like be like calm and be like Zen. And that's, to me, that doesn't sound like a desirable thing either.

Yeah, no, I think like for me meditation is just, I don't know, like again, let's just, we have such task-driven, high-intensity days. It's just a moment of soothing, you know. It's no different than a massage, a bath, it's like whatever, you know. I love meditation personally. Oh yeah, just because I love how it feels. Yeah, but you know, like I say, like, if it doesn't work for you, don't do it. That's why keep finding your teachers, keep studying, keep reading, keep learning, try this, try that, you know.

Yeah, exactly. Well, when it comes to meditation, I didn't mean— the thing is, I meditate every day, at least once a day, sometimes twice a day. Meditation, I think some sort of mindfulness, I tell people, because it doesn't have to be sitting on a cushion. It could be, it could be walking in nature, it could be whatever it is that works for you. So mindfulness is very important. But my point is, like, you don't always stay in that state. That's like a baseline. That's a place you train. But then you have to go out and interact in the world. And I hear people say, especially like spiritual teachers, like, well, don't get involved in politics and don't do this and don't do that because you just want to maintain like this baseline level. And I'm like, that's not being human. We are going to be activated sometimes. We're going to get angry. We're going to get sad, you know. I, I still get sad. My daughter— it was 10 years ago my daughter passed away, and people are, you know, think like sometimes, well, you've healed, right? Because look at what you're doing. I'm like, no, that's— I still get sad about that. I still, I still miss her. And I'm sure that, you know, what you're doing, you know, all what you've been through, there are probably times it still gets to you.

Yeah, but this is how they live on, is through me, you know what I mean? Yeah, their, their journey created this vessel, you know what I mean? And this experience for me. And so like, this is how I kept them alive.

Yeah. So let's talk about— we've talked a little bit before, before we got started recording, and I asked you how you were doing today. You go like, it's amazing that I'm here. Um, and, and it's, it's amazing that we're all here. I think the human journey is just, you know, the fact that so many things can go wrong in our, in our life. Do you think that, um, what do you think in terms of like, do you believe in soul planning? Do you think this is— this happened for a reason? Or what are your thoughts on that?

You know, you know, I tap dance around a lot of thoughts. Clearly thought pattern expert. Um, I'm not really sure, but what I do know is I believe— this is a weird belief that I have, so if this sounds weird to anyone, sorry, but this is what I believe. I believe that so many of us— I don't want to say have to be sacrificed, but deal with high levels of abuse because when we do alchemize it, we become the one that holds the light for others. I mean, we really become a vehicle of service. Like, you know what I mean? I think it's needed. It's needed for all of those that can't do it for themselves. Yeah, that's just a weird belief because I had so much stuff happen to me that was so bad. I just— I— this is how I sort things out in my own mind, you guys. There is no right or wrong, you know. If I had to rewrite a story that tells me the reason why I was physically and sexually abused as a little girl is because I, I was meant to become what I'm doing now. Then that's— that worked for me. That soothed me. So there is no right or wrong, you know what I mean? That's just how I soothe myself, and it worked for me. So that's a belief that I chose, and I really believe it. That I— you know, many— like, if you look at, like, the Oprahs and all the people that have been abused, you know, look what they're doing now. The few that make it become—

yeah, it's, it's interesting to me Because I'm an engineer, so I'm a, I'm a very left-brained person. And I'm like, so like, I look at it either like two ways. One is I do believe in soul planning, and I do believe that people choose to go through certain things to go because we can grow from it. Um, people like, just like athletes train, or people that climb Mount Everest, or people that run marathons, they put themselves through all kinds of things because they want to test themselves and they want to grow. That's, that's something that happened to believe. But then setting that aside, let's assume that we don't believe that.

Okay.

What we do know is we can take those things and we can alchemize them, as you've done, right? So that, that's not debatable. You, you made a choice to take those things and to become who you've become. There's another choice. There are people that choose not to do that. There are people that choose to let those things destroy them. And, you know, so it's, it is, it's that, that thing— you become what you train to be. And it's something along the way with you said, no, I'm not, I'm not going to succumb to this. I'm going to, I'm going to rise above it. I'm going to take this, I'm going to transmute it. So when people say, well, you know, what kind of God would allow these things to happen? What kind of God would plan this? I don't know, maybe God didn't plan But we do— we can choose what we're going to do with it.

Yeah, it's like spiritual evolution or spiritual suffocation. And spiritual suffocation, you feel— these are the people that stuck, hate their lives, like think there's no way out. Like it's literally spiritual suffocation, you know? Yeah, it's screaming for expansion, and that's why you can't breathe, and that's why you feel heavy, like, you know?

Yeah. So, um, let's talk about like how people can, can reach you. When we talked about, you know, what your offerings are, you do work with people one-on-one. And you said you've got some other things on your website that people can download. So how can people reach you?

Everything is at angelajeanchat.com. Yeah, you can pretty much find everything there. My Soul Sync sessions are linked to that. Those are the rhythmic thought pattern training. I love those. Try those. There's a free demo I want people to download as well. It's a demo of the nervous system reset piggybacked with a thought pattern session. And it's really powerful because it allows them to feel the possibility of like, oh my God, wow, this feels good. And also guaranteed, what I, uh, what I put in the thought pattern session will be dancing in your head by the next morning. Like, so it's just really cool to show them how sticky rhythm is, you know what I mean? And what you can do and the possibilities of totally taking your transformation in your own hands and actually having some fun with it. Like, that's what I really like to do. Obviously a lot of this stuff is very serious, but I do like to make it fun, interactive, you know, use music, use your body, using dancing— not dancing, but movement, you know? Yeah, we don't have to suffer to transform. Yeah, yeah.

And I want to, I want to go into that a little bit because, you know, we talked about training and we talked about practice, and it makes— it might make life sound like it's drudgery, but I can tell that you're, you're enjoying your life 1,000%.

Yeah, I mean, and like I say, it's like, because once you have systems in place, you are sitting in the power seat of your life. You are not being dragged along anymore. You got No. Oh, oh, that shitty thought. Okay, no, we're going this way. Ready, aim, fire. This is what I'm doing. This is who I am. And the more you practice, this is who I am, this is where I'm going, it becomes your new state of being. That becomes your new identity. Not the person that's abandoned, not the person that's abused. No, because you got this. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, that just happens with training. Like, if I'm trying to build a booty, it's not gonna happen right away. It's gonna take about a month or two. Yeah, and then boom, booty. So I'm just saying, like, we are who we train to be. It's not immediate, but it is quite fast if you commit.

Yeah, well, and it's an ongoing thing. So, um, again, it's like, you know, again, we talk about these things and people might think, oh, that sounds like, you know, that sounds like so much work. And, and it's, it's not. It, it, you can, you can start to play with it, and, and it actually does become really interesting. It makes life really interesting. Even when you start catching your own thoughts, it's like, oh wow, I caught it this time. I, I— before, before I reacted, I actually figured, you know, figured it out.

Yeah, it's almost like your alter ego is starting to like, like, uh, yeah, have a competition with your smaller self. It's, it's fun though. It is fun. Yeah. And that's why I like— but that's why also, like, real fast, one last thing I want to say, I like to focus on micro resets. All my sessions are micro resets. They're 2 minutes long. Because I think that we constantly need to be circling our mind back, constantly need to be redirecting our thought patterns. This is where we're going. This is who I am, right?

Right. It's not just that one thing first thing in the morning or the one thing at night. It's, it's, it's, it's really, it's all day long, right? It's all day, every day. Yeah.

It's no different than drinking a glass of water.

Yeah.

Hydrating yourself, feeding yourself.

Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. So, Angela, is there anything that I didn't ask you that you would like to talk about?

Your camera broke up a little bit. Can you repeat yourself?

Yeah. Is there— yeah, we're arguing that's a little bit unstable. Is there anything that I didn't ask you that you'd like to talk about?

No, I think we're good. There's just— there's just two things I like to always say at the end of podcasts is that we just need to really be responsible for the energy that we bring into the world, meaning the moment we step out our front door, because it really does have a domino effect. With everyone we come in contact with. And the one thing I like to say is, when one rises, we all rise.

Yeah, you know, yeah, I think, I think it's absolutely true. I think that we are here, you know, sometimes people, uh, think, well, we're just here for ourselves, but we are here for others. And I love your, your spirit that you said, okay, I've gone through this, I'm going to take this, I've transformed this in myself, transmuted it, alchemized it, whatever word you want to use, and now you're giving it back to other people. And I think that sometimes, you know, we go through more difficult things. I think you're right. So other people maybe don't have to go through that. I think it's interesting. We can learn from our own experiences, or we can learn from other people's experiences. And, you know, so people can take advantage of this opportunity to learn from what you've gone through.

Yeah. And one thing I want to say is, for anyone listening, is never underestimate how small the change is, because that tiny pivot completely changes everything. It can change the conversation you have with someone. It changes the thought you have about it. So don't underestimate the tiny, tiny, you know, the tiny movements.

Yeah, that's the thing.

They're huge.

Yeah, you don't have to change the world. You can change yourself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that, and that changes everything. Just, just the way we look at something, you know, what again, your, your past— you, you've said, you've said, I'm going to look at this and use it with purpose. Someone else might look at it and say, I'm a victim, I'll never— nothing good will ever happen to me. And, and just, you know, that— and that is a choice. That's a choice that you make right here.

Yeah, 1000%. Yeah.

Well, it's great to talk to you today. Thanks for being here.

Thank you so much for having me. This was all right.

Enjoy the rest of your day.

Thanks, Brian.

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