Spontaneous Spiritual Awakening, Pain as a Portal, and Emotional Sovereignty with Allura Halliwell

You know you need something, you're just not sure what. You've been listening, you're doing the work, but there's still this feeling that you're circling the same place, like you're waiting for the thing that finally moves you. Now maybe you've thought about working with me one-on-one. Maybe something's held you back, the timing, the money, or you're just not sure you're ready yet. I get that. And I want you to know there's still a place for you. I built a resource for exactly this moment, guided meditations for when the waves hit and you just need to breathe. Workbooks to help you get out of your head and onto the page, ebooks on what near-death experiences tell us about the people we've lost, and whether they're really gone, a full course for widows and widowers who are ready to find their way back to living, and a full course for the evidence of the afterlife. And all of it is available for pay what you want. Nobody gets turned away because of money. I think these resources are valuable, but I don't want to hold them back because you don't have the money to pay for them. You don't have to wait until you're ready for coaching. The next step might be a lot smaller than you think. To find out, go to grief2growth.com/store. That's grief, the numeral 2, growth.com/store. And check out the resources I've made for you. Close your eyes and imagine. What are the things in life that cause us the greatest pain? The things that bring us grief are challenges, challenges designed to help us grow, to ultimately become what we were always meant to be. We feel like we've been buried. But what if, like a seed, we've been planted? And having been planted, we grow to become a mighty tree. Now, open your eyes. Open your eyes to this way of viewing life. Come with me as we explore your true, infinite, eternal nature. This is Grief to Growth. And I am your host, Brian D Smith. Hi there, I'm Brian D Smith. I'm a grief guide, life coach, and host of Grief to Growth, which is where you find yourself today. And whether you're joining me for the first time, or you're a longtime listener, I want to say welcome. This show is where we explore life's biggest questions: who we are, why we're here, where do we go when we die, and maybe most importantly, how do we live fully and meaningfully while we're here. Today's guest is someone whose personal awakening cracked her wide open and set her on a path that's transforming lives. Allura Halliwell is a consciousness mentor and transformational guide whose spontaneous out-of-body experience in 2018 radically altered her life. One moment she was a stay-at-home mom of 3, and the next she was seeing the very fabric of reality itself. That profound experience dismantled her former identity and launched her into her life's mission, to help others reconnect with the deepest truth of who they are. Allora is the creator of The Consciousness Method, a practical, powerful modality that bridges the often missing link between inner healing and the lives we're actually trying to create. If you've ever felt like no amount of therapy, journaling, or spiritual work is getting you unstuck, Allora is going to help us understand why and what to do about it. We'll dive into why burnout persists, especially among high achievers and parents, even after years of personal development. We'll explore the hidden wounds that sabotage love, and how spiritual growth can sometimes fracture our relationships if we're not integrating consciously. Allura will also share how pain itself can be a powerful portal to freedom, and how we can finally stop looking to the outside world for safety by learning to trust our own nervous systems again. And we're going to get a sneak peek at her upcoming book, Unloved, Unworthy, Unknown, A raw and transformative look at the core wounds that quietly shape our lives, unless we bring them into the light. So whether you're doing deep emotional work, or you're just trying to make sense of your next chapter, this episode is packed with insights, tools, and wisdom to guide you back to wholeness. And if you want to go deeper after this conversation, join me on my Substack at grieftogrowth.substack.com to talk with me and other listeners there. And with that, I'd like to welcome Elora Holloway. Hello, well, sorry.

Thank you so much for having me, Brian. Thank you for that beautiful introduction. You covered so much.

Yeah, well, hopefully we'll cover that and more during our conversation today. I want to start off with you. I know you had a spontaneous experience in 2018. But often I find that people come to these spiritual experiences because of some sort of a crisis or a crossroads in their life. So what actually transpired with you?

It's a great question because even though it appeared to happen out of the blue and spontaneously, it definitely was preceded by huge amounts of unconscious stored pain in my body, a lot of stress, ongoing stress, a relationship that wasn't serving me, but overall a very large force in me that was trying to make everything work out. So the sense that I was wanting to be a mom, I was wanting to be a wife, I was wanting to make my life okay, and I was forcing and pushing to balance all those parts while really feeling very dead inside, feeling very deeply disconnected, feeling very, I'd say in a way, um, unsafe with my emotional experience. A lot of anger, a lot of stress surrounding me, and really trying to be a shock absorber for everyone in my life and trying to make everyone okay, but completely neglecting myself. So when I went on this retreat, I wasn't really looking for a spiritual experience at that time. I was literally looking for a break from, you know, a busy life. So it shook me. It took me by complete surprise. But in retrospect, there definitely was a buildup of me being very deeply disconnected from myself.

Yeah, that's kind of what I find. It seems like it happens and something, it can seem spontaneous, but there's something that kind of drives us to look for something. More. So tell me about your experience.

Yes, I was at a retreat, um, and it was on the Sunshine Coast in Australia, and it was a big retreat. It was, um, hosted by an internationally renowned meditation teacher, and I was very keen to explore what was available but hadn't had a lot of meditation experience or hadn't really had a spiritual practice in place. Um, had dabbled and read a few books and things, but it was really really keen to begin the journey there. And one morning we went to meditate on the beach. So we were walking down onto the sand and all of a sudden I began to feel a little bit strange and I could feel that my body was beginning to shake a little bit and I could feel a very strong pull, kind of a magnetic pull bringing me down to the sand. So I actually lay down on the sand and as I lay down, I could feel the consciousness in my body. It was almost like I could really innately sense every cell of my body from my toes. And it was like the consciousness was moving up my legs, up my body, up through my heart, up through my mind. And then it was as if my consciousness split from my body. So I was actually looking at my body lying on the ground and I was outside of my body., and I knew at that point there was nothing to do but to surrender to the experience. So my body just lay there literally for, I think I was out for about an hour and a half. And as my consciousness rose higher and higher, it was astounding because I could see, I could see the whole of the world. It was like I'd left completely. And then as I got higher and higher, I merged into the brightest, whitest, purest light. And that light was astoundingly bright, and my consciousness merged within it, um, and very pure. And I, I felt a sense of really deep, deep peace and completion as I entered that light, and a lot of relief actually to be in that light. And then as I rose through that light I merged into pure darkness. I merged into a voidal space, really, which had felt like my consciousness felt like it didn't exist, but then it was aware of a spaciousness that was eternal and infinite. So the consciousness that was in that voidal space, it almost absorbed me fully. So I felt myself return to the all, really. And as I went there, it, um, it, it allowed me to— uh, it didn't allow me to do anything, to be honest. It was ineffable. It just took me. It took me into a place where I was completely absorbed back into consciousness. And I, I think at that moment I kind of blacked out because I couldn't sense myself anymore. Then after a period of time, it was as if I was being shown the frequencies of the whole of that allness, the sense of everything, the sense of source. So my consciousness experienced the very high frequencies of joy, of bliss, of contentment, of pure connectivity, and then eventually dropped into unconditional love. And as the frequency dropped into unconditional love, I felt my consciousness move out of Source and back, back as if it was coming down. And in that moment, I think I realized that the unconditional love is the fabric of this reality because it was pulling me back to the Earth and I could actually see myself coming back down and I could find, I found my body and I reentered my body and opened my eyes. Oh wow.

So were you alone when this happened?

Uh, there were people that were around me because I was breathing, but I think they thought I was meditating. They weren't, um, I don't think they realized what, what was happening to me. I was just, just breathing, so my body was safe, but my consciousness was not in my body.

Okay, so this wasn't a near-death experience, it sounds— would you call it an out-of-body experience?

Stay with us. We'll be right back.

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To be— yeah, I would say it probably was like dying. But it had— I had no bodily trauma. Because I did in— when I came back and I sort of looked at the experience I had over the years that it took to integrate that, um, I realized that I'd gone through the major steps of death, which is going through the light, absorbing back into the source, um, experiencing that deep sense of connectivity and peace, um, which when I returned to my body was very hard to integrate because it was so profoundly expansive and connective and loving and like the greatest levels of bliss and peace. And, you know, I heard you speak before to the aspect of dying. And for me, dying is just the ultimate liberator and release of the physical density back to the source of the consciousness that we are. And I think it is a truly a truly magnificent experience. But I also can feel the accordion effect of going from expansion into the contraction or the separation of life, and then going from the separation of life back into that expansion again. And I do sense that accordion effect continues over space and time with our consciousness. And I began to be shown when I returned how often we want to experience this physicality and density. So we come from that source into our bodies and then we move again. And it's almost like this infinite dance that we really don't need to fear because we are very much eternal and infinite in our energy, in our consciousness.

Yeah, it's really fascinating. You know, I, I've known a few people that have had spontaneous out-of-body experiences that sound exactly like near-death experiences with— without the trauma, without the trauma, without the physical trauma anyway. But then I also know that you mentioned the word integration, that often that comes with some confusion and sometimes depression and etc. So when you, when you came back into your body, what was that adjustment like for you?

It was extreme because when I opened my eyes everything. I could only see energy. I couldn't see physicality. I think it was because I'd experienced huge amounts of energy, so I could see all the particles of everything. So everything was particle-based and energetic-based, and everything was shimmering. I don't know if you've seen like Avatar, where all the, the plants and every cell of the plants is shimmering. And I saw the ocean, it was shimmering, and the sky was filled with millions of luminescent energetic particles. So the whole of my experience became purely energetic. And what was really challenging was my body had then shifted into an energetic state where it was having what people refer to as a Kundalini awakening. So my body would begin to shake, and the shaking was a massive part of me actually releasing a lot of the stored cellular trauma in my nervous system and in my body. But at the time, it was very disorientating because I I'd be trying to drive or trying to walk and all of a sudden I'd get shaken up and reoriented so that the Kundalini was really big. I was feeling like I was squashed into a little ant's body after being in Source. So I was trying to, trying to integrate the understanding of being so expanded and then so contracted. And that's when I really came to look at some of the aspects of our humanity which feel so limiting to us and why they exist. And that was a really big part of my integration because I was like, hold on a minute, how can we deeply know as our energy and our consciousness that we're source connected, that we're pure love, that we're absolutely worthy of this existence, that we actually know everything via our consciousness? How can we feel so limited in this human experience? So I really was being guided to integrate the energy my nervous system and my understanding of my human experience, because it was almost like I was looking from the outside in and going, oh, I've just kind of woken up here. I felt a bit like an alien. Why is it designed like this? And why is— why am I experiencing this?

So you, you're at this retreat and you come back from it. And did you have any way of understanding what had happened to you? Was there someone you could talk to or How did you— how did you get your footing back under yourself?

Yeah, that brings up some grief because I had no one to help me. It was very much like people did not know what to do with me. And I came back and I looked almost like a ghost, like I was— I looked in the mirror, I didn't recognize myself at first. I was like, I don't really know who you are. And then all my personal preferences went out the window. They took me to eat something and I reach for whatever was in front of me, and apparently it was meat. And my friends around me went, you don't eat meat. And I was like, oh, okay, I don't eat that. And I didn't— my preferences weren't there. And I looked at my family and friends, and I knew that they were very close to me on some part of me, but another part of me didn't have the connectivity of knowing who I was. It was like a complete rewrite of my system. And shocking. And I would try to find people to help me understand how it could happen this way, and there's very little out there for people that, you know, that have gone through a very radical spontaneous awakening, um, especially for, for people that haven't had a lot of practice leading up to it. So there are, you know, a whole group of people that are looking for an awakening that are really practicing and seeking that. And then there's another group that are having spontaneous awakenings that really aren't prepared for that experience. And, you know, they're the ones that I'm really, you know, wanting to help support to understand, because it was absolutely the most powerful thing that has happened to me and absolutely would not change it. But in the same breath, it took many years of integration to truly understand it and to come back fully into my physical being.

Yeah, I've heard of people describe Kundalini experiences and, you know, people say— and just some similar near-death experiences— I hear people say, I wish I could have one of those. And other people are like, uh, you don't understand, this is a pretty traumatic event.

Yeah, no, it is. And because you get so intimately you know, you become source consciousness, you become that feeling of the all in that experience. Trying to understand the human experience becomes a challenge because the contrast is so great. Um, and then once you realize that you can actually orientate your own energy into source consciousness in a physical body, work with your nervous system, work with your pain, work with the wounding to find that completion, which is the path that I've taken. It's like, wow, you can experience heaven on earth. You can be in a heavenly connected internal state while we're here. Um, it's just understanding that path. And for me, that's probably the biggest thing to orientate into that connected energetic within your body. While you're, while you're, while you're here. You don't have to leave the body to have that feeling. And from that space, your whole existence becomes different because you do realize your creatorship over your life when you shift the internal space.

Laura, have you heard the term walk-in?

Yeah.

What do you think about that?

Um, I think that potentially that may have happened. Um, because I can feel that there was a really, um, radical shift in self. But my understanding of a walk-in for myself now is that I just took a radical evolutionary leap in my own soul's expression. So it wasn't like something else came into me. It's like a version of me that was so far down my evolutionary timeline came through much quicker. So it was like I was here and then instead of evolving to here, it was like there was a massive shift in consciousness to here. So it felt like I was a completely different human, but it was just a version of me that was on fast forward.

Yeah, that makes sense to me. I've heard the term, you know, fairly recently and yeah, That, that would be my understanding of it if it's, you know, if we were to use that term at all. So I'm just curious if you'd heard about that because I think it makes sense that maybe we, we shift to a higher version of ourself as opposed to, you know, a totally different being coming in.

Yeah. And that felt safer for me and more connected because the concept that, you know, we can just have other beings coming in felt a little bit unsafe and not soothing for my nervous system. So I like let's reconcile this in a way that feels more natural.

Yeah, exactly. So, and you were a stay-at-home mom at the time. Um, how did it change your relationships with your, with your family?

Yeah, so my children are, you know, are my world, and they've always been my world, and my dedication to them as a mum was really on another level before my experience. However, when I came back, because I'd shifted so dramatically, I didn't have capacity to really connect in the same way as I used to. And so there was a period of time where our relationships really reoriented and I had to, I had to, I had to come inward in such a way to survive the experience. That I do know for them it was quite a traumatic shift because I'd gone from being a very conscientious, almost over-anxious, protective mum to being quite insular. So there was a couple of years where, you know, there was other people, you know, supporting the kids in a way because I wasn't able to show up for them. Mm-hmm. When I finally was able to come back into my body completely and resolve the experience, I've spent the last 4 years integrating with my children what happened and allowing them the space and time to express any levels of abandonment they felt, any levels of stress or pain. And now I have 3 very, very deeply connected, well-adjusted children that understand that in a human sense, there are going to be evolutionary experiences that we have where we're going to have to process these parts of ourselves. And it doesn't mean that the level of love ever diminishes, but the way that love is expressed can sometimes shift and change. And I see them now, you know, with their own friendships, you know, guiding and supporting their friends and being the really loving beings they are and understanding that there's a greater, a greater understanding here for all of us. But it wasn't easy.. And it was a very difficult thing to walk into my house and look at my children and look at my husband at the time and go, I really don't know, I'm so sorry, who I am and why I'm here. And for my husband, it was quite chronic because a lot of the stress had come from that relationship. So I was very pulled away from him and my Kundalini would actually bounce me across the room when I would stand next to him. It would actually physically move me away. And our marriage didn't survive because the level of shift and that I went through and the stress that that placed on him, because there was so— the connection that we'd had was based on a different level of, um, our experience, and I wasn't able to meet that level anymore. We've since become very good friends and We're very supportive partners with, you know, with our children, but we weren't able to maintain the relationship. And that was very hard. That was really hard in the physical sense, because whilst I was trying to navigate this very esoteric spiritual experience, I was also navigating human relationships that were looking for me to be a certain way. And there was a lot of grief and a lot of pain in, in, in reorienting those relationships. And a lot of times spent consciously reconnecting after I had capacity to, even with my ex-husband, you know, with my children. My mum actually mourned me like I died because I just wasn't available in the same ways. So there was a lot of time spent reorientating those relationships. And for me, everything's interconnected. So to make sure I'm connected to myself means every single relationship in my life has to be connected in the best possible way. It doesn't mean that we can just discard relationships because they're difficult or challenging. So that was part of the integration process to really reorientate everyone into this new level of consciousness.

Yeah, thanks for sharing that. I work with an organization called IANDS, and for anyone who's not familiar, it's the International Association for Near-Death Studies. And your, your experience, while not the physical trauma of a near-death experience, sounds a lot to me like a near-death experience. And it takes an adult 7 to 14 years to integrate that experience on average. And it's really important that people understand when people come back from that experience, it can be very difficult. A lot of times it does cause divorces, it causes depression, it causes all these different things. So I always tell people, be very careful what you wish for. You hear some near-death experiences saying, I wish I could have that, because I know how difficult that can be. And it's a lot of work, as you said, to integrate that. It's hard enough to be a human. And we talk about the veil. I talk to my clients about the veil, and they're like, I wish I could see beyond the veil. I'm like, again, be careful what you wish for, because then it makes it hard to live in this body.

I could not agree more. And it's actually my 7-year anniversary in October, and I actually feel like I've completed a cycle. So I really feel like I've arrived in so many ways after the 7 years. So you're right, it took me— it's It has taken me 7 years. And the veil, you're right, the veil. And I think the veil is the levels of illusion that we're living under here. And that's why when I brought this kind of work back to actually show people how to move through those levels of consciousness and remove the veils and remove the programming and remove the separation systems that they're running in their lives. It's something we can do in real time with our eyes open. And that's the interface work that I'm so passionate about, because you can actually use everything that's happening in your life as a divine mirror to evolving your consciousness and your human experience. And that those places there can be the ones that actually give you the greatest awakening and the greatest shifts when you're working in real time with what's going on around you and feeling like you have the, the capacity and the tools to understand that you're not a victim to the reality. You're not a victim to the suffering. There are ways to move through this space. And I find from that understanding, it becomes such a beautiful evolutionary gift, this life, because we can actually process it in real time while we're stepping through it. So Yeah, it's— and the source consciousness that you can experience internally while you're here, and the relief and the sense of connectivity with your relationships. Life can be such a gift, such a gift.

So at what point did you make the shift? You, you felt like you integrated enough to start doing the work that you're doing?

So there came a point where I realized that my energy was still scattered far and wide through the multiverse. It was almost like when I'd gone into Source, my energetic being that had been in my body, it got scattered. And so I had to do quite deep energetic reclamation work, um, which actually formed one of the pillars of the work I do, which is bringing all my sacred energy and essence back into my body to allow myself to feel that sense of wholeness and completion. And so from there, that practice centered me back enough to bring my consciousness back to actually look at what was happening in the reality around me. Because prior to that, I'd close my eyes and I'd be out again, and I'd be traveling through space and time and through all dimensions, and I was being shown a lot of versions of reality and a lot of timelines and a lot of, I think, you know, you'd call them mystical experiences. You know, things were dimensionalizing through space and I was having really wild, you know, dreams, wild encounters. You know, if you list all the mystical experiences, I've had them all. And then all of a sudden, What happened was I brought enough energy and consciousness back, and it was almost like, you've seen enough, and the door closed. And I was sitting in now, in the reality, back in my body. And it happened quite— it just happened one day, really. It was just like, okay, enough. You've seen and know enough. It's time to just come and work directly with what's here in the now. And when that happened, I was like, wow. This is the real work. I mean, you can travel through space and time and have all the mystical experiences you want, but if you cannot actually live here in this dimension right now, then that's where the real work lies.

Yeah, and that's where, that's where we come in, because I know a lot of us are struggling living in this dimension right here. We feel, we feel stuck. We feel like we're always buying the next book, doing the next program, and not really making any progress, kind of, kind of running in place. So why is that? Why do people have that experience?

Yeah, so that for me is the core fracture, I call it, of separation from self. So if you can imagine, your consciousness is absorbed in Source before you come to a human body. You're in Source, you're connected, and then you split from Source Consciousness, and then you come into a human body. So already there's a degree of separation from the truth of your energy and consciousness to have a human experience. That is actually one of the templates that's unconsciously in all humans, that we have a sense of separation. And then we open our eyes and we have the senses, and we have a separate world outside us, and we have another experience within us. And we spend our existence trying to rectify the internal feelings with the external experience. And we keep feeling a degree of separation from the truth of ourselves, which for me has come down to three main things: that we're loved, we're worthy or enough, and that we're known and understood and safe. So those three things are actually implicit and a given within our being, in our energy, our consciousness, our experience. But when we wanna interface with the world, we don't feel those things externally. We don't necessarily feel completely loved. We don't necessarily feel enough. We don't feel realized. We don't feel purposeful. We don't feel like we understand or we know enough or we're understood. We don't necessarily feel completely safe. So our inner template of separation projects separation in our whole existence, and we keep wanting to have a physical experience to complete ourselves. So we want the relationship to feel loved, we want to have the validation to feel known, we want to have someone understand us, or we want to realize our purpose, or we want to have the, the followers or the whatever it is to feel complete. Mm-hmm. But the level of energy we're trying to get from the external reality to complete us is not compatible with the energetics that we have within us. So we have to understand how to complete our own energetic cycle within us and then stop seeking for that external expression because that energy that you're wanting, like, and if you think about it, it's like, oh, you finally get the relationship and then the relationship's not okay. And then you have the problems and then it goes on and on. Or you finally get the followers and then you want more followers. It's just an endless energetic siphon. So we want to reverse that energy, and to reverse it means we have to deal with the core fracture and the core pain that we hold within our body, because everyone's holding a very core visceral pain that when it's not processed and understood correctly turns into our suffering. And our suffering is what keeps us trapped in these loops of trying to fulfill ourselves in the separation.

Yeah. So those are the, the unloved, unworthy, unknown. That's where the title of your book came from, I assume, right? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah.

And you've developed something called The Consciousness Method. So what is that and how does it help people?

So The Consciousness Method is understanding how to use consciousness to shift your reality and shift yourself internally. And consciousness is really the overarching expression of yourself. It's not the limited Expression, and it enables you to work with your nervous system, your pain, your programs, your illusions, your, um, interface with your physical reality. So that means your relationships, your purpose, your job, your family. It actually gives you an overarching way to deal with everything that happens within your existence via working with your consciousness. And I have 12 processes that help you to connect in, to really understand how to move reality from the inside out. Because I found that most people feel, and this is how I felt when I returned, I felt like a victim to reality. I felt like everything around me was forcing me into places and feelings and things that I really did not want to be experiencing. So to find the sovereignty and to find the internal freedom and to find the way to consciously work with reality, not in a manifestation way, but in a moving the internal pieces within yourself into more wholeness and more safety and more connectivity, how that creates a shift in the whole paradigm of what you experience all around you. So this is kind of being a way to create a pathway for people to really find themselves.

Yeah, I know what you said, not in a manifestation way. So could you go a little bit deeper with that?

Um, so manifestation normally comes from desire, that comes from lack, it comes from a sense of I want that thing to happen because then I'm gonna feel better. So instead, we're actually not attaching to the physical to make you feel better or to make you feel completed. We're actually focusing on completing and connecting internally on a level of love, a level of worthiness, a level of understanding that naturally will create for you a reality that will actually surpass anything you could imagine you desired. I see people that do this, they, they realize parts of themselves that have caught them in a limitation. And then the reality that comes from that, it's like, wow, I could never imagine that I really wanted this. But it's happened naturally and organically from that connection within me. And now I don't want for anything. It's a sense of not wanting for anything because you're already feeling complete. You've already arrived. You're already at home within yourself. And when that happens, everything happens around you and it's harmonious. It's not about desire or separation or disconnection. It's just about feeling complete and connected with the whole of your experience. And that for me is, you know, that source connection, heaven on earth, really in our own bodies.

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Thanks for explaining that. So I know you talk about something called emotional sovereignty. Could you explain to people what that is?

Yeah, emotional sovereignty is a really powerful process of really taking into consideration yourself first before you're looking at how anyone else is treating you, how anyone else is responding to you or reacting to you. It's really taking the full power of you working with your own emotional experience, because everything is a hologram, like everything is reflective. So wherever within you you're struggling with an emotional experience, you're going to have that triggered around you consistently. Instantly until you become conscious of the patterning of that. So there'll be thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that you're running on repeat in response to external stimuli, that when you become radically aware of that and you self-process by going into the deepest levels of pain that underpin this addiction to continually trying to create the experience outside of you with another person or another another thing. When you actually go in and you process that, you, you liberate your own being, and you realize you don't need to rely on others to be a certain way to feel that you're free in the relationship. You can actually transform within, and then from that place, inner boundaries come naturally. You don't have to put boundaries on other people. You create the loving circumstances for yourself. You know how to self-process so you don't feel triggered and you don't feel like you have to walk around reacting to everyone because they're not doing things that you would like them to do to make you feel safe because you've created internal safety within your own system. So yeah.

Yeah, I think that makes a lot of sense. I know when I hear some of these things about manifestation and I completely agree with what you're saying because we think about I want, I want a new car, or I want a bigger house, or I want, you know, I want more followers, or whatever it is. And we're trying to manipulate the outside world to create an inner feeling. And it sounds like you're saying, let's do this the other way around. Let's, let's go within first, which is what the one thing that we can actually control.

100%, because when you go within, it's like, wow, you get to play in your own field of existence in your own consciousness. And I think then you realize, wow, the creating, the creating is within you. It's within your nervous system. It's within understanding how to really work with your pain, within understanding where you're in an addiction mode and your nervous system is limiting you consistently, where you're running a program, where you're perceiving something the same way over and over and over again. And when you go in and deep dive into all those places, you feel free, you feel sovereign and free. And then you, you just naturally are creating from that. And I've seen so many amazing transformational shifts happen organically, not from the desiring or the wanting, just from the, the outcome of truth, because that's what you're projecting from your internal being.

So when we go through a big shift, a lot of times you know, whether it comes from a lot of things, maybe an experience like you had, or in my case, or the people that listen to this, maybe a grief event. So people go through something that radically changes them, and then that impacts relationships around them. So how can you help people when that happens? Because it's just, you know, people will say, like, you're, you're a different person. You're not who I was. You know, you're not who you were before.

Yeah. And so I think Bringing in the evolutionary framework that maybe who we were was limited in some way, and maybe this is actually evolving us to a new place, can give us some comfort that even though it's incredibly challenging, you're being opened up to feel, to see, to understand more. And, and within the relationships, there will be ways that you might not be aware of where those relationships have been limited. They have been limiting you and the person you've been with, and this shakeup can often be the way that you both find a new version of yourselves. Because the stagnation or the stuckness is always going to get challenged by your evolutionary drive, even if it's unconscious. And even though we wanna cling and go, "Oh, this is the best relationship for me," often it's going to be the one that you're gonna need to work with and challenge to see what it's really about. And there's always gonna be a fractal. So when I say a fractal, our human experience comes in, in cycles of repetition. We have set programming that we, we run on repeat unconsciously. So you'll often see that the, the relationship you're having now that's a challenge will be an echo of past relationships. So when we shift the fractal of those early relationships where you didn't feel safe, you didn't feel loved, you didn't feel seen, you didn't feel connected, on some level or enough as a child, this is a fractal of that experience in your adult relationship. So often you're being asked to go and shift the fractals or shift the template that you're running in relationships by working more deeply within yourself. Um, and that can be a gift for everyone when you're consciously doing that and not feeling like you're at the mercy of this, a failure in some way.

Yeah. Now you create the, the Relationship Rewire. So what is that? How does that help people?

Yeah, the Relationship Rewire is a beautiful way to become conscious of your relationship with yourself as the primary way to then shift relationships with others.

Hmm.

So unless you actually know who you are and how you're dealing with yourself and fully conscious about your thoughts, your feelings, your behaviors, then it's very difficult for you to be in relationship with anyone else because you're just going to be projecting an unconscious version of you that has expectations on other people to meet parts of you that you haven't met within yourself. And this leads to conflict. It leads to feeling misseen, unheard, not seen, not loved properly. The only person that can really, unfortunately, truly love us is ourselves. That can truly understand us is ourselves. Because no one really knows what you need. So when we work in a multidimensional way to meet our own needs, to love ourself in a way that's so profound and powerful, we can meet all our relationships with love. And we don't necessarily prize our romantic relationships or familial relationships. We're actually in a loving relationship with all beings because everyone's here to evolve us and to be on the journey with us. And then we take the pressure of others to be a certain way to make us feel okay and safe, because we've done that within ourselves.

Okay, so it's not as much about trying to, uh, change relationship outside of ourselves, but really, again, more of that turning within and having that proper relationship with ourself.

Yeah, and by miracle, I often see everyone shifts that internal template, and your relationships are just by default naturally better. They're naturally more connected. You're naturally able to be more loving, hear more people, understand yourself in a better way, understand others. And I often, you know, I'll meet people that will say, oh, you know, such and such is a narcissist. And I'll completely reframe that and say, actually, that human is in a deep level of unconscious pain and in a survival mode. So where is their pain and where is your pain that is in reflection to that pain? And often that shift of humanity dissolves that label and dissolves that separation and allows the truth of that person to be shown and the truth of yourself to be revealed. Doesn't mean you necessarily want to continue the relationship on the same level, but you don't need to be running a program where everyone is, you know, that person has to be a problem to you. And I've seen people do this in relationships. Um, recently a beautiful woman did it with her mother, and the profound transformation they've had— they've become so incredibly close, such deep levels of understanding have arisen within that relationship, and it's just been like a ripple effect for her whole family. So these labels of separation that we put on people are often just invitations invitations for us to go deeper, to find where we're not in our own humanity, not in our own connectivity, and still having to process our own pain from that relationship and within ourselves.

Yeah, that's really interesting. When you, when you were saying that, I was thinking, I, I try to look at people as not bad people or people who are— I don't think anyone sets out to be bad. I don't think people set out to intentionally hurt other people. I try to look at them as being unskilled, you know, or as you said, you know, maybe they're in a survival mode. So that can shift the way that we respond to them. And energetically, I think they respond to us differently.

Yeah. And when we understand that everyone has a core wound, like everyone is actually working from a template of survival, of trying to meet their needs, of trying to find a way to feel loved, worthy, and understood. But maybe has developed survival modes that actually increase levels of unsafety for themselves and for others because their nervous systems are not functioning in a way where they're actually able to create internal safety. So they're creating waves of chaos or disconnection or, um, distress around them because they're actually in those deep levels of dis— like internal disconnection.

Yeah.

So when we sort of see that in someone, it's like, oh wow, you're operating out of your wounding. Um, I can see that. And you're also sovereign to make a choice about how you want to be within the realm of that wounding. Because as you process your own wounding, you're most naturally going to fall out of alignment with that person. Um, and it's not a, you know, like you're blocked. It's like actually I'm aligning more to my own inner truth and that is going to shift naturally. But often what I find is when you shift, that person will shift because we're in a holographic reality. So everything that you do internally shifts everything around you. So I see people by default evolving everyone around them because they're evolving the way they behave, the way they think, the way they see that version of the person. And when you think about it, everyone's multidimensional. So the way I see you, Brian, would be different from the way your partner, your children, the milkman, the postman, someone you work with sees you. So we all get different versions of you. But if I'm looking at you from my highest being and saying, wow, isn't Brian an amazing man that's serving humanity? I'm going to bring that version of you through and we're going to interact in that space because I'm seeing that in myself.

Yeah.

And yeah, and someone that's seeing you from another version, that's like, I already have a problem and I want to see a problem in you, is going to see that version. And so we can holographically and quantumly imprint other versions of people just by being in that space. And that's how relationships transform.

Wow, that's, that's really profound. That's really cool, you know. But as we were talking, I was thinking about, you know, we all operate from our core wound. We all have we all have issues, we all have these things from our past. And I was talking with someone the other day, and a family member of theirs has a mental illness diagnosis. And so when we have that, we will give that person more grace, usually we'll say, and I was— but they were having another issue with another person in their family. And I thought, well, we all have some level of mental illness, we don't— we're not all— maybe it's not psychosis, or you know, it's not something that's diagnosed, but we're all operating from that core wound. And, you know, if you can look at someone and try to understand, like, where they're coming from, what is, what is the wound that's causing them to do this? Because again, we're all trying to get the same things. We're all trying to get love. We all want to feel worthy. We all, we all want to feel connected. But sometimes we don't go about it the right way.

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And I think there are those, you know, the extremes of the misunderstanding that's internally. And what I find is the very, very sensitive beings that are here are the ones that are in the most trauma. They're the ones that are in the most fracture. They're the ones that we're diagnosing, giving a diagnosis to, sorry, mental illness and different things because they're the ones that are highly sensitive and attuned to everything around them and this world, the stimuli of this world can be so overwhelming unless they've been taught how to process their pain, to be held in their nervous system, to be safe within their being. They're going to try to survive with these ways of being that actually over time create different modes of functioning in the brain, the nervous system, the energetics of the body that disconnect more and more and more because just being in the presence of self and not processing is very painful because you don't actually know how to metabolize this world when you're a highly sensitive being. So unfortunately, what happens is the sensitivity gets kind of labeled or put into this place, and then it gets compounded, and then it becomes a problem that you're this way. And then from there, then everything kind of begins to degrade. And actually, it's just a problem of deep sensitivity. And the beautiful divine beings that are here that are in that sensitivity, they're the ones that are really struggling in so many ways. And I see that across the board, you know, the sensitive ones and the ones that are having a really hard time here.

Yeah, I can't think of the quote right now, but there was something like, you know, it's no great feat to be well adjusted. In a, in a crazy world, you know, something to that effect, you know. And, and the world that we live in is, is crazy. And it's, it's— I could really see for, for very sensitive people to just turn on the news, or the way that we, you know, the way that the world functions. It's hard. It's hard to, to live in this world.

Oh, absolutely. And I work a lot with the pain, what I call the pain portal. Which is most people are living in a level of suffering where they're just repeating the same problem, the same feelings, the same emotional— it's either disconnection or it's overreaction. There's either a lot of anger or a lot of sadness or a lot of numbness. And what I came to discover is that we have a very deep relationship to our own pain as humans. We kind of get confused about how to deal with that, and we get caught in these suffering loops. So I work quite intensively with the core pain of humanity, I call it, because everyone's carrying the core pain of humanity within their system, which is actually working with the pain in a way that it's— becomes a visceral felt experience within the body without a thought form. So if you drop into the body and you can find where the pain is physically lodged in your body because you can feel it. So say if I bring up abandonment, you know, I can drop in, I can feel there's this feeling in my heart space. And instead of going to the story of what the abandonment means for me, actually dropping into the visceral sensation of that pain and expanding that pain means you're actually releasing where that pain got— had— has been imprinted in the body. As you're releasing that pain, you're actually releasing the consciousness that's being stored in that pain that's maintained unconscious behaviors for you, that has kept you trying to seek love in ways you haven't— that haven't been serving you because you've been trying to heal that abandonment from the outside and not within. Mm-hmm. So most— pretty all humans don't understand that their pain is actually a gateway to liberation, because when you are completely conscious and feel your pain on the deepest levels, you're actually expanding that pain through your body and releasing the, the energy and the density that's held there. And your body metabolizes it, and you feel a sense of liberation and freedom because that pain is not unconsciously trying to be felt and seen and get your attention all the time and creating these loops in your life which bring you the same circumstances to give you the patterns of pain. So it's a very quick summary, but I found that that place to understand how to process your pain coherently— and your pain will be the same across the board, like the pain of your humanity. You'll think every single thing is causing you pain, but it's actually one singular pain in your body that you need to merge through. And as you do that, you connect with yourself in such a profound way it transforms your whole being and transforms your life. So I'm really passionate about people understanding that you don't have to live in suffering, that you can have a relationship with the sensation of your pain and make that safe. Because the one thing every single human fears, every human fears without fail, is their own pain. It's their own pain. You're going to fear a situation, but you're fearing the situation, you're fearing the pain it will bring.

Yeah.

So if you change, yeah, your relationship to pain, you don't have to fear anything.

Yeah.

Because you're eternally free from that pain.

It makes sense. I mean, our bodies are programmed to avoid pain at all costs, right? That's the one thing that we want to avoid. And people take that and emotionally say, well, that 'If that's the case, if I just don't face this pain, then it won't be here.' But it's, it's still there, as you said. And, you know, that's, that's a, that's a hard lesson to get across to someone. It's like the first thing you have to do is turn and face it.

Yeah, and you're right. And the organism is designed to move away from pain as a protective mechanism. And that's why this consciousness is holding the safety for you to go to the place where you least want to go, because that's where liberation lies. And this is the mystery of humanity. This is why we get so stuck in ourselves, because we have to go the places we don't want to go. That's where we get the full relief. And that's what I've been shown over and over again. Go where your nervous system has to stretch, where you have to go beyond the limitation of yourself, where your pain is so great that you actually feel like you're going to die as you go in there. But what's happening is you're dying to the version of yourself that's been committed to that pain.

So that was going to be my next question for you. You were talking— you talk about dying to self, and what does that actually mean to someone?

Yeah, dying to self means that you're dying to the limited version of you, which is strongly correlated to your relationship to your nervous system and your pain. So your nervous system will have coded a reality whereby you have a limited spectrum of things that you feel comfortable doing, relationships you feel comfortable being in, experiences you feel comfortable having. And beyond that threshold, it feels like to go there would be to die, to actually go beyond what you feel comfortable with. With, to go beyond the known into the unknown. So I work with stretching that threshold to go to the place you least want to go, to find that you're actually safe there. And so that the version of you that has feared that your whole experience is actually expanded and limited— unlimited and sovereign. And from there, you die to the version of yourself which is actually in my experience, what I had to do. I had to die to the limited version of myself to become the expanded version of myself, and I had to do it in an extreme way. But there's a way to do it in an understanding for humanity to die into the limitation, to actually be reborn and to be liberated and to be free, and not to be living under the, the, you know, the rules of separation, the rules of limitation, the rules of illusion, the rules of of, um, constriction to actually live freely as a sovereign being here.

Interesting. You know, as you said that, I just got this Bible verse in my head when Jesus said, you know, you must be born again. And people have thought for 1,000, 2,000 years now, what does that really mean? And I think it is that, that dying to the self, that, that resurrection that we have to go through, the, the ego death, uh, for, for lack of a better word that says I'm going to become a new creature. But to become this new being, the old being has to, has to go away.

Yeah, yeah, brings up emotion, Brian, because it's so true. Like, it's so powerful to know this and to understand this and to, to feel the hope in that, to be reborn again while you're still alive, to not have to wait, to not have to put up with anything, to not have to suffer under anything. We're not here for that. And it's— that is, you know, the ultimate for us all to know. We're not here to be suffering. We actually are not. But the courage to die to yourself, the courage to rebirth yourself, it takes a lot. It takes a lot.

Yeah. Well, sometimes life brings it to us, you know, in the case of like, as I said, you know, grief event, you lose a person or you get a divorce or you have a spontaneous awakening like you do. I think our higher self is always trying to get us to go through that portal, right? And we, and we fight it, but we don't have to fight it.

No, it's going to show you and evolve you. It's just about being conscious and questioning, you know. And I think that was a big piece for me. It's like I didn't just blindly accept what happened. I was like, I was asking the questions. I was like, why? This is not the status quo. I'm not going to just accept this. I refuse to accept it just as it is. I wanted to be empowered. I wanted to find the inspiration in it. And I think that was a lens that, you know, because there was a lot of trauma, there was a lot of suffering. I could have very easily ended up in a psych ward, you know, like like medicated. But I wanted— I fought. I was like, no, there has to be a way through this. There has to be an alternative. And, you know, it showed itself. And so I invite you to ask, like, those listening to ask the questions, you know, and to seek, because you don't have to be stuck in anything.

Yeah. So for, for people that are listening, where this is a really heavy, big subject we're talking about, What's, what's a small step that someone can take after listening to this now that they can do today?

I would just say take 5 minutes and just go within and just hold a safe place for any, any pain or any sensation in your body. Just close your eyes, tune into the body, and just safely hold and expand the sensation in your body. Enough for it just to be fully felt. Just feel a little bit more of yourself today without fear.

Yeah, that's a good— that's a great first step. So, um, we're coming to the end of our time. Um, please tell people if they're interested in working with you or learning more about you.

I know you have a podcast, so tell people about your podcast and remind people the name of your So the podcast is called The Consciousness Method, and it's basically chats with the incredible humans that have stepped through the method and how it's impacted them. These are all the people that, yeah, I love and, you know, are doing this work. So you can hear for yourself how it actually lands. On that as well, there's masterclasses and different things being released about about, you know, my— the, the different teachings, the dying to self, the pain, um, the wounding, all those things. And then if anyone wants to work with me, they can find my website, Allura Halliwell, and just send me a message, or Allura Halliwell on Instagram, or Allura Halliwell on Facebook, or one word. You can just send me a message. I'm, I'm here, you know, to be supporting those that are, that are wanting to go on this journey. And you can join the 12-week Consciousness Method journey with me. Um, and we can, yeah, we can, we can go on that exploration together.

Yeah. And the book, the title of your book?

Unloved, Unworthy, Unknown. It is actually with the typesetter presently and will be available for pre-order in probably one month. So we're— that's already coming up. But if you join my mailing list on my website, you'll be the first to know that that's that's coming out, and I'll be, um, yeah, I'll be talking about that a lot.

Awesome.

Yeah, the book actually covers everything that I've spoken about today. It's, it's a very comprehensive book, so it's pretty dense, but it's, it's a good read.

Sounds great. So obviously I'll put the links in the show notes and in the YouTube description for anybody who's, um, listening to this on the podcast or anybody who's watching on YouTube. Laura, it's been a pleasure having you here today. Thanks for, for getting up so early in the and Laura's in Australia and I'm in Cincinnati, so, uh, this is kind of late for me and early for her.

Yeah, 7:30 AM. But it's been an absolute pleasure, Brian. Thank you for your presence, your questions, your consciousness. I feel very honored to be here.

Yeah, have a great, uh, have a great day.

Thank you too.

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