The Magic of Surrender- Kute Blackson

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Hi there, welcome to Grief to Growth Podcast. Your host is Brian D Smith, spiritual seeker, bestselling author, grief survivor, and life coach. Brian believes that the worst tragedies of life provide the greatest opportunity for growth. Brian says he was planted, not buried, and he is here to help you grow where you've been planted by the difficulties in life. In each episode, Brian and his guests will share what has helped them to survive and thrive. It is his sincere hope this episode helps you today.

Hey everybody, this is Brian D Smith back with another episode of Grief to Growth. And today I've got with me Kute Blackson. And Kute is a beloved inspirational speaker, and a transformational teacher. He's author of the national bestselling book You Are the One and The Magic of Surrender. He's widely considered to the next gen— to be the next generation leader in the field of personal development, has been featured on Larry King Now, Fox and Friends, Dr. Drew, as well as Inc. magazine calls him the mindfulness guru billionaires go to, go to for advice. Kute offers a fresh, bold look at spiritual awareness for a whole new generation. He was born in Ghana, West Africa. His multicultural upbringing as a child of a Japanese mother and a Ghanaian father has spanned 4 different continents. His unique lineage laid the foundation for his approach to breaking down barriers and unlocking, and unlocking individuals' true gifts and greatness. For over 20 years, Kute has been inspiring audiences around the world. From the first time he spoke in front of 3,000 people at the age of 8, to speaking in over 300 venues by age 18, to helping organizations develop authentic leadership and achieve extraordinary performance over the last decade. His electrifying presentations not only offer real-world practical ideas and soul-stirring wisdom, but also ignite the heart and inspire courageous action. So with that, I want to welcome to Grief to Growth, Coop Blackson.

Thanks for having me.

Yeah, it's really good to meet you. And I have to ask you, How did you get such wisdom at such a young age?

Wow.

Let's see. Look, I was born in Ghana, West Africa. My father's from Ghana. My mother's Japanese. I grew up in London. So my whole life, I've just felt like a citizen of the world from everywhere and nowhere. And, you know, some people would say I had a bit of an unusual upbringing. For me, it felt very ordinary. It felt very normal. I thought everybody's life was like mine. And I thought everyone went through what I went through. And turns out, it wasn't so much the case. Like, for instance, my first memories as a young boy was I remember seeing a crippled woman crawling on the floor, she picks up the sand, literally the gravel that this man walks on, wipes it on her face and stands up. And so week after week, I grew up seeing blind people see and deaf people hear. The same man whose sand she picked up would look at a woman in a wheelchair and say, hey, why are you in this wheelchair? You're not sick, stand up. And look at— I see the same man who essentially picked up— look at a person who come in with crutches, and he put the hands on them and say, hey, you're healed. And so this man was my father. He built 300 churches in Ghana, West Africa, had hundreds of thousands of followers, literally had a huge church in London, about 4,000 to 5,000 people every Sunday. And my father was a very metaphysical, very spiritual, very mystical sort of character, went to India in the '60s. And so I grew up in this environment of possibilities. And I think the blessing was I grew up with a sense that anything was possible. So I was surrounded from a very, very young age with a deep sense of spirituality, a deep sense of openness, a deep sense of sacredness, God, you know, religion, metaphysical, mystical teachings. And so my mother was Japanese, she was Buddhist. So I grew up meditating with my mother and going to church on Sundays with my father and, you know, witnessing miracles. And so when I was age— and also as a young boy, I was very curious, I I was a very empathetic kid. So I'd feel people's pain and suffering very deeply. And there was a part of me that always wanted to alleviate pain and suffering. I just didn't know what that would look like. And so I began asking, when I would look around at life, I began asking questions, the sense of like, who am I? And why are we here? What's the purpose of life? Why is it that some people who seem to have every reason to be happy, yet they're still miserable? Why is it that some people have no reason to be happy? A lot of folks that went to my father's church didn't have a lot of money, weren't that educated yet, were fulfilled, happy, kind, you know, just enjoying life. And so didn't make sense to me. And so as I began questioning, I would sneak into my father's office. And in his office literally was an entire wall with thousands of books. On his bookshelf were books from Eastern mystics, people like Krishnamurti, Osho, and Ramana Maharishi, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, to Western mystics like Gurdjieff and Ouspensky and Madame Blavatsky, to Joseph Murphy, to people like, you know, the modern-day Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, Marianne Williamson, Deepak Chopra, Tony Robbins, Zig Ziglar, Brian Tracy. And so I would sneak into my father's book office, sneak into his bookshelf, and literally from around age 8 to 18, devoured hundreds and hundreds of books just trying to understand the nature of life. And so that's where a lot of my knowledge began from a very young age. But when I was age 8, I started speaking in my father's churches. That's when my speaking career began. When I was about 14, I was ordained as a minister, which was, thinking back, is kind of crazy now, but it felt very normal then. And so when I was 14, my father announced to the congregation that my son is taking over my ministry. And at 14, I thought this was my life. I thought this was my path my entire life. Was basically set out for me, the trajectory of my life and people's hopes and dreams pinned on me. I was the guy that was going to be taking over. But I knew deep down, if I was really honest, that this wasn't my path. I knew deep down that this wasn't my, my destiny, my purpose. But I think if I'm really honest, I was too afraid to speak my truth. And I think like many people, I allowed fear to hijack my voice. In so many ways, we allow fear to stop us from being who we are. We allow fear to stop us from expressing our voice. We allow fear to stop us from truly sharing our gifts with the world. And I was so afraid of, wow, if I truly follow my soul, if I truly follow my truth, my authentic, my authentic calling, I'm going to lose my father's love. I'm going to be alone. I'm going to be outcast. And then what? And so I went along with it for 4 years. And I went through a tremendous grieving, a tremendous turmoil, a tremendous feeling of pain of my own self-betrayal, but also confusion. And I think for so for those years, I tried to negotiate and rationalize that, well, maybe this, this, this, this is what I want to do. But when I turned 18, and maybe wisdom is maybe gained through experience, you know, when I was 18, I felt a calling in my soul. I felt my soul calling me to come to America. I felt something calling me to go into this field of personal growth. I wanted to, I wanted to, I wanted to do it differently. I didn't want to do it through religion or a church or my father's organization. Nothing wrong with that. I just felt a different destiny. And so I think sometimes what your soul guides you to do doesn't always make sense to your mind. And what your soul guides you to do isn't always convenient.. And, and yet, I'm a firm believer, looking back, that if you really follow your soul, if you follow your inner guidance without compromise, I believe that you will always end up in the right place at the right time with the right people, even though the route that you take may not be the one you most expect. And so I knew what I had to do. And I probably started my grieving process from 14 to 18. In terms of having to come to a point of grieving and letting go of my father, feeling the sense that I would basically lose his life. I had to make peace with that. I would never have a relationship with my father again. And for me, this was incredibly heartbreaking. But when I made peace with that, knowing I have to follow my soul, I looked into my future. And I saw if I even— if I followed the expected path, I could be successful by everyone else's standards. But if I didn't have myself, if I didn't have my truth, if I didn't have my integrity, And if I start lying to myself now, to get love, validation and approval, I'm gonna have to lie to myself for the rest of my life. And that felt so painful, you know. And so I had the conversation with him. We didn't speak for 2 years. This began my life journey and a whole nother trajectory. We didn't speak for 2 years. And that was tremendously, you know, so much sadness and pain and grief. But I ended up winning a green card in the green card lottery, and that enabled me to come to the US with 2 suitcases, $800 in my pocket, following a dream, and landed in the US and found teachers and mentors and authors, many of the folks I'd read about. A few years later, traveled to places like Israel to study with some rabbis, Thailand to study with a few monks, ended up in India. And it was my time in India that really kind of cracked me open to another level of my own truth and my own soul's knowing and wisdom. And that enabled me to come back to the US and began working with people over 20 years ago, before coaching was a popular thing, and developed my own way of working with people. And, and that, that's a bit of my journey.

Wow, thank you for sharing that. That's, that's, it's really, it's interesting. Of course, I'm curious, the church, you said your father had a church, but you mentioned all this metaphysical, was it a Christian church?

Yeah, look, my father was an interesting character. Yeah, you know, he called it non-denominational, but he was very spiritual. And let's just say, metaphysical in nature, very new thought in nature, drawing a lot from people like Unity and Science of Mind. And, you know, having gone to India in the '60s and had these enlightenment experiences, so to speak. I think for him, he was very open, in a certain sense. And so I grew up, I felt very blessed to grow up in a very spiritual context, more spiritual than religious, even though it was through the form of the church and religion.

Yeah. So when, when you decided to leave, was it—

I guess it was because you weren't going to take over the church that upset him?

Yeah, yeah, you know, look, my father, my father's a great man. Honestly, there's, there's, there's no questions about it. And the more I've traveled the world over the years, and I sat with great mystics, teachers, rabbis, ministers, gurus from all around the world, the more I realized my father's great, should we say my father was a spiritual giant. And the more I was able to appreciate that, because I think, I think sometimes when you're close, you're not able to appreciate it as a kid. And so He was a great man. And he was very old school, very, very old school African male. And, you know, not to generalize, but for him, it was like, my way or my way. Yeah, you choose which way would you like it to be. And so this was my father. And so because he didn't agree with my path, because I wasn't following his idea for how my life should be and how it should play out, Basically, we didn't speak. And he didn't speak to me. And that was it. And he was incredibly disappointed. And to be honest, before the conversation, I was terrified, man, I was terrified to have the conversation with my father, because I knew what this might mean for the rest of my life. I was terrified having the conversation. And even after having the conversation, I was terrified, thinking maybe I'd made the wrong decision. And I was in such grief. After the conversation, because even though I wasn't close to my father, I love my father, you know, and I think so many of us, we hold ourselves back and we don't speak our truth because we love the other person. And so even though I, I knew what I had to do, there was a tremendous grief for me, because I felt like I was disappointing my father, and I was breaking my father's heart. I had to get over my own guilt in terms of following my truth. And following my soul and following my calling. And so there was grief in the sense of the deep acknowledgement of loss, you know, the loss of the relationship I wanted to have with him, the relationship I could have had with him, the relationship I dreamed of having with him. I had to, like, grieve the loss of that and let all of that go. And that was incredibly painful. But I felt like I didn't have a choice. I really felt like I didn't have a choice. And so it was only— yeah.

That's incredibly brave to do at the age of 18. It's— I'm 61 years old. And I just had a conversation with my parents a couple of days ago about something I said on one of my podcasts. And they called up and they were all upset because I talked about the church I grew up in, which was my grandfather's church. So I understand that, you know, following in the family's footprints, And I always felt like I wanted to go into some sort of ministry, but I knew I'd never be a Christian minister like my grandfather was. And I'm just kind of coming around to that now. So I can relate to that wanting to please your parents. I don't think that really ever goes away.

For me, it shifted. There was, there was, you know, I would say the day I became a man, or the beginnings of a man, was it was at 18. When I felt like as a boy, I had to slay my father, I had to metaphorically kill my father, which was break his heart in order to follow my own. That was a huge step. And I'm not saying the desire to please him dissolved in that moment. But I think it was the beginning. Because for me, once I had disappointed my father, I'm not going to say I didn't care about approval from other people, but it wasn't at the same level. It's like, right, right. I've already disappointed my father. Who the hell are you? Who the hell are you?

Who the hell are you?

You know, the world, like, the most important person, I've already let him down. And so there was a freedom in that, you know, there was a profound freedom in that, that, that came. And what I saw is, look, you cannot be fulfilled and happy living someone else's life. You cannot be truly fulfilled and happy being someone that you're not. So many of us as human beings, we walk around with a deep sense of grief inside, even though life is okay, even though things are fine. We don't even know why we feel this low-grade heaviness, sadness, grieving feeling, because we don't realize that in, that in trying to get other people's love, validation, and approval, in trying to get our parents, our grandparents, our caretakers, the world to love us, we have sacrificed and betrayed betrayed parts of ourselves in order to be loved by those outside of ourselves. And in so many ways, when we betray ourselves, it's the loneliest thing. When we betray a part of ourselves, it's the most painful thing. And I think many of us, we carry the level of grief for our own self-betrayal that we don't even know that we've done. It's not even conscious. And so, you know, I always say, when you when you become someone that you're not, in order to get love, validation, and approval, even when you get the love, validation, and approval from those around you, even when they actually give it to you, you win it from those around you, you win it from the world, it never feels good. It feels empty. And there's a grief in that. It's like, wow, all of this, and I still don't feel happy. They're loving me, the world is loving me, my clients are loving me, I'm winning all these things, and it's still feels empty. That's a hollow feeling. And so I think even when we get the love, validation, approval, when we're being someone that we're not, it's never satisfying. Because deep down inside of us, there is a part of us that knows that the version of us that they are loving is not the real version of us. The version of us that they're, you know, they're caring about and loving is not who we really are. So they're loving a fake version of us. So in a sense, we know deep down they're not really loving us. And so the love they give us doesn't— isn't satiating. And so I think it takes courage to be who you are in a world that is constantly trying to get you to be someone else. It does take courage. But I would really, I really feel, and I saw this at 21 years old, when I went to this men's retreat. And, you know, guys in the forest, you know, getting in touch with their masculinity in a men's conference. And I got to grieve my father, I got to express and I got to get in touch with the anger, the resentment that I'd suppressed, the grief, the sense of loss, deep loss that I had kind of suppressed in order to not feel because it was too painful to feel the sense of grief and loss. That I had been carrying that I wasn't aware of for the last 3, 4 years. But when I got in touch with that, I really— underneath that was pure love for him. Underneath that was, was profound love that I wasn't able to get in touch with because I've been suppressing my pain, suppressing my grief. And when I was able to get in touch with that, my heart cracked open and there was nothing but love and forgiveness for this man, for what he had given me. I realized that I had not been able to receive what he was able to give me because I was so busy wanting what I— what he wasn't able to give me and wanting what I wanted. And so when I was finally able to do that, I just, I forgave him. And I remember feeling so free and so peaceful and so light. And here's where the miracle happened at 21 years old for me, maybe a week later, maybe 2 weeks later, but it was pretty soon after this sort of men's weekend that my father out of the blue, literally out of the blue, And he's not a guy that will call you up. You know, he's old school, out of the blue, calls me up. And he says, Brian, he says, son, I think we need to talk. I think, I think we need to have a conversation. And I was, I was stunned that he called. And he said, I think we need to talk. And I said, Dad, I think you're right. And that was the first opening at the beginning. Of healing in my relationship with him that took 20 years, you know, healing. And, and what was, I think what was really satisfying deep down for me was now we were able to have a relationship based on mutual respect for who I really was, not pretending to be someone that I thought he wanted me to be. And that's the freedom.

Absolutely. You know, as you say that, there was— I went to a men's retreat many years ago. And there was a guy named John Wilder that wrote a— John Eldredge wrote a book called Wild at Heart. And he talks about the journey from a boy to a man, and the almost universal wound that fathers give to boys. And I don't know if this is a necessary thing, but it seems to be an almost universal thing, where we want that validation from our father, but we have to kind of like go out and prove our manhood. And I think for your father, it took a while for him to respect you. For me, it was much— it was much later than that. But that I can so relate to that journey that you went on. And you could have taken the easy way out. I mean, you could have said, for sure, I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. I'm healing people. I'm being a speaker. You could have stayed in there, but you, you were true to that, that journey that your soul had. So do you believe that? Like, do you believe we have a purpose that our souls know when we come here?

Stay with us.

We'll be right back.

You know, one of the hardest things about grief? Most of the people in your life just don't get it. They want you to be further along than you are. They get uncomfortable when you bring it up, so you stop bringing it up. And that's why I started writing. My Substack is where I go deeper. Thoughts I don't always get to on the podcast. Essays on consciousness, on continuing bonds, on what it actually means to carry a loss and still build a life. The stuff that used to keep me up at night, written out in a way that I hope meets you in the morning. But here's what I didn't expect when I started it: the community that showed up. People who are doing exactly what you're doing— listening, learning, trying to find their footing. Readers who comment, who share their own stories, who remind each other that none of us are as alone in this as we feel. And that's what the Substack has become— a place to go deeper with me and to find your people. It's free to subscribe. Find me at grief2growth.com/substack. That's grief, the numeral 2, growth.com/substack. Or just go to Substack and search for Grief to Growth.

I hope to see you there.

Do I believe we have a purpose? You're opening up a big question. So yes, I believe that all of us have a purpose. I think at the deepest, most spiritual, highest level, we all have the same purpose. We are souls first and foremost. Buddhist, Christian, Jew, we're souls. We're not just this physical body. We incarnate into this human experience. My kind of perspective is we're souls, we incarnate into this human experience. In order to learn, to grow, to evolve. Life is really the university for our soul's growth and evolution. And every experience and every relationship and every situation and every person is really our teacher, is really the curriculum for our soul's growth and evolution. So life is a classroom. Life is a process of learning and evolution, learning the lessons for why our souls incarnated. And so for me, the purpose of life on a grander spiritual context is, you know, not just to make money, make babies, make money, go on vacations, buy a house, buy a car, then die. Like, is that it? Surely there has to be more than that. Because we don't take any of this stuff with us. I was in Egypt, I saw Tutankhamun's, you know, the pyramids. And I saw Tutankhamun, he has an entire floor in the Egyptian Cairo Museum, gold, bling, thrones, you know, jewelry. And I was in the, I was in the museum thinking, Tutankhamun is dead. And his stuff is here. Tutankhamun is dead. So we don't take any of this stuff with us. And so for me, the purpose of life is really we incarnate into this human experience in order to learn, to grow, to evolve, to learn the lesson so that we can remember who we truly are. And we can realize who we truly are and become our most authentic self. And I think the degree to which we do that is the degree to which we are living our purpose. And so to me, purpose isn't something that you do. What you do is your job. What you do is a vocation. And, you know, I hope all of us, we end up doing things that we enjoy and that we love. But I think that no matter who you are, you can be living your true purpose, regardless of what you're doing, so long as you are learning the lessons for why you attracted that experience. And so long as you're growing and learning the lessons for why you're you attracted that situation, that relationship. When you learn the lessons, that's when I found, I found that you transcend to another level of the game of life, you transcend to another experience. Otherwise, all lessons are repeated until learned, which is why many times we attract the same relationships, the same person, the same pattern over and over and over and over again until we learn the lessons. And so for me, life is a school, life is an evolutionary process. The purpose of life is growth, in evolution. And I think when we, when we shift our paradigm and way of seeing from a one-dimensional, I'm just this body, and here I am, and life is what we see it to be, and success is whether you attain it or not— when we shift our paradigm to an evolutionary, solistic, soulular, you know, looking through the soul lens perspective, I think life takes on a different perception, a different experience, we, we cultivate a different relationship with life. And so in that sense, every moment of life is our purpose. There's never not a moment of like, what's the purpose of life? The purpose of life is the purpose of life. And the purpose of life is evolution. So that's, to me, the grander context. But if somebody is wondering, well, how do I find my individual purpose in life? I mean, it's great, this whole big you know, contextual spiritual idea of I'm a soul, but like, what about what am I supposed to do with my life in terms of my purpose? I feel a calling, I feel I want to make a difference. I think if someone is in a place in life where they're looking for their individual purpose, what I would say is this: stop seeking your purpose. Stop looking for it, stop trying to find it. Sometimes seeking your purpose takes you further and further away from it. Instead, you don't have to know where you're going to get to exactly where you need to be. I would invite people to just move in the direction of what lights up your soul, move in the direction of what turns you on, move in the direction of what brings you aliveness. If you go into that direction, I think that one of the greatest griefs and pains in life comes when we hold back the natural impulse of our soul. When we hold back the calling, when we hold back that desire to give, when we hold back what we are here to do and sharing our gifts. To me, this is to be dead. And this is when many of us, we feel grief, because we're dying a slow death, not even knowing why. And so I think if someone is wondering, what am I supposed to do with my life, my purpose in my own individual life, go in the direction of what lights you up. Even if you don't know where that's going to lead. What I have found is when you take a step, life reveals the next step, you take another step, life reveals the next step, you take another step, life reveals the next step. And so often life, your purpose is revealed to you in the process of living life itself. And many of us, we're trying to figure out the entire purpose for our lives and what we're here to do from the sidelines, from this level of consciousness, from this perspective. But it's only when you take the next— take that step that you go through the journey. When you go through the journey, you grow and evolve, you you expand, you mature, you gain wisdom, you gain wisdom, then you're more ripe and ready for the next step. And then God can give you the next step, then you take another step, then now you develop, grow, evolve, you learn the lessons, you develop the mental, emotional, psychological, spiritual muscle in life, and God can give you the next step. And so to me, purpose is a revelation that unfolds in the process of living life itself. And then what I find is, all of a sudden, many times you'll look around, 5 years from now, 7 years from now, 20 years from now and go, wow, I'm living, I'm living my purpose. But we lived into our purpose, rather than just kind of figured it out upfront. And so there's 4 questions I would maybe leave people with around the question of purpose. Number 1 is, where do I come alive? What turns me on? What would I do for free? For me as a young boy, we lived behind my father's church in London. We didn't have a lot of money. So literally, the apartment was attached to my father's church, a tiny apartment. My bedroom was smaller than my toilet right now. I mean, it was tiny. And so my dreams were so big, because I wanted to inspire people. So what I would do that most people don't know, I would sneak out of my— out of the apartment, sneak into the— into the church, 9, 10 PM at night with the lights off, pitch black. You know, imagine an 11-year-old chubby kid. And I would give seminars to the empty chairs, imagining I was speaking, literally like giving seminars to the chairs, imagining thousands of people in the room, thousands of people in auditoriums being inspired. And so every day from almost 11 to 18 till I left for the US, I was giving seminars 2-3 hours a night, just living my passion. I was doing it for free. And so for me, This is what turned me on. This is what made me alive. And so ask yourself, what makes me come alive? Then ask yourself, what specific tangible skills do I have? Because we still have to have a specific skill. And if we look at— if somebody looks at their entire history, every single job you've been through, every single, you know, job that you hated, every single experience, every single challenge, tip, usually, if you look, there's something that you needed to learn, some skill, some ideas, some, something that you needed to learn, that was a part of the necessary preparation for you to live your ultimate purpose in this lifetime. And so look at what skills you have. And I always tell people, when it comes to purpose, don't simply focus on trying to make money. To me, the key to making money is being of service, truly focus on being of service, you are of service when you add value, you add value when you solve a pain, problem, or challenge. And so to me, money is a function of transference of energy when you solve someone's pain, problem, or talent. So when you really are focused on being of service, to me, this is a key. So ask yourself, how can I be of service? And lastly, I think it helps when people look at what group of people do you feel an affinity with? Maybe the blind, maybe teenage, you know, teenage pregnant girls, maybe, you know, young teenage boys without fathers, maybe the elderly, maybe the whales, maybe, you know, cats, maybe, you know, Who knows? But whatever the group of people you feel a connection with, I think can often show you where your purpose might be. And I think many times we get lost in this— got to save the world, got to save the whole planet, got to save India, got to save Africa, got to save, you know, provide clean drinking water for everybody. And with this huge purpose, and we don't start. We sit and we wait and we wait and we plan and we don't begin. I would invite people just start where you are with what you have exactly as you are, and start by responding to the need in the moment. We're so busy asking, what is my purpose? And, you know, I have this story where 20 years ago, 22 years ago, I was broke. Literally, Brian, completely broke, no money, sleeping on friends' couches. Big dreams, just came to America, big dreams, this huge purpose thing. And I'm sitting on the couch— I'm sorry, on the, in the, on the bench in the park, right on Beverly and kind of Beverly and near Fairfax by Erewhon in Los Angeles, for those that know LA, there's a park there. And I would sit there for hours, go, what's my purpose? And how can I make a difference in people's lives? And every day I would see this Russian old woman, maybe 80 years old, walk struggling with, with shopping bags. And I'd watch her pondering my purpose. Every day she'd be stuck, would be falling out. And one day, after months of doing this, I thought, if I want to make a difference in people's lives, then let me start by making a difference in people's lives. Let me just start now. And the shift happened for me. I went up to this old woman, didn't know her. And I just carried her bags every day for 2 months, literally every day, made the hugest difference in her life, found out about her story. She started telling me how, you know, all her kids had left and she was alone and nobody helped. And she just, you know, just, just living life by herself and felt like her kids forgot about her. And we just struck up this bond. And every day, I just go and help her with her groceries. And so if you're looking for a purpose, look around, respond to the need in the moment, your friends, your family, your neighbor, the grocery store checkout person, you never know, everything and everyone is the opportunity to live love. And I think one of our purposes is to live love in human form.

Thank you.

I love that story. I love that. And I love the way you put that because we do often get frozen by looking for this, this big purpose. We feel like we have to save the world. And I always tell people, grow where you're planted. Start, start where you are. You don't have to go somewhere else and do something else. You know, I remember the church I used to go to, they would always talk about purpose. And it was always like, you know, go to Africa or become a missionary or stuff. And I'm like, I'm not doing that. But you know, you could— I can always do something in my neighborhood, right? We could always go volunteer somewhere, somewhere close. So I looked at some of your videos today, and I looked at— and you talk about manifesting. So tell me what manifesting means to you.

What is manifesting? Manifesting is manifesting, you know, depends what aspect you want to speak about manifesting. Because I really believe that we focus so much on manifesting and trying to make things happen. But in so many ways, we we're getting in our own way. And so in life, you don't get what you want. Sorry to say, this truth might hit people a bit hard. You don't get what you want. You don't get what you think about. You don't get what you like. You don't get what you pray about. You don't get what you meditate on. You don't get what you visualize. In life, you get what you are. You get what you are, a vibrational match of what you are. So in life, you might want to manifest the soulmate that's loving and this and that and blah, blah, blah. But you have to ask yourself, am I that? Am I that? And so what we manifest in life, life is a mirror manifestation of your consciousness, the relationships, your bank account, your experiences, the manifestations in your life is a mirror manifestation of your consciousness. So every day you are in relationship with yourself, your most deeply held belief projected out into the world in the form of what you've manifested. And so I would tell people, if you really want to manifest, stop trying to change what's out here. Because what's out here is secondary to what's in here. It all starts inside. And so if you really want to change and manifest something differently, stop trying to manifest and instead, change yourself. Instead, let go of the mental, the emotional, psychological, spiritual blocks inside of yourself. The most deeply held beliefs— I'm not enough, I'm unworthy, I'm this— all of that stuff inside of yourself that are falsities, let that go. Heal those parts of yourself, bring yourself into alignment. Because when you do, life is a feedback mechanism reflecting to you yourself. You are in relationship with yourself. And so to me, that's power, because you don't have the power to change the world, the government, the universe, but you have the power to change yourself. And as you change yourself, as you heal yourself, you do the mental, emotional, psychological, spiritual work to clear those inner blocks, to clear the wounds, to clear the traumas, to clear the inadequacies, to just clear yourself, then your vibration shifts, your energy shifts. As your energy shifts and raises, then you're much more likely to become a vibrational match. So then what you want can start also magnetizing to you as an energetic resonance and vibrational match to who you're being. And so for me, manifestation really is about beingness. It's about who are you being in life, you don't get what you want, you get what you are. So the more you are being it, the more it will manifest. And I think the more it manifests, not as something outside, but as a reflection from the inside of you. And so I tell people, stop trying to manifest and just be, you know, really be.

Yeah.

Well, that's the reason I wanted to ask you that question. Because I think you gave an answer that a lot of people might not have expected. And then I also know you wrote a book called The Magic of Surrender. Yeah, I'm like, how does manifestation and surrendering— how do these two things go together?

Let's talk. To me, here's the thing, okay? Surrender is the real secret to manifestation. People talk about The Secret, The Secret, The Secret, visualize your parking spot, visual— if that was enough, every single person who did The Secret, did the law of attraction, would be a gazillionaire, would be, you know, 6, 8, 8-pack body, have the relationship. I mean, it would be, we would be gazillionaires. And it's not the case. I believe that surrender is the real secret to manifestation. Surrender, if we understand it, and I'll do my best to break it down in the next few minutes, is the real key to your next level. Surrender, true surrender, is the real secret to the great ones. You look at Jesus, you look at Buddha, you look at Mandela, you look at Gandhi, you look at Mother Teresa, you look at Martin Luther King, you look at Bruce Lee, you look at Muhammad Ali, great in their own, you know, ways, right? At some point, they all had to surrender themselves to life, to the soul, to something bigger than them, to God, to the divine, to the universe, whatever you choose to believe, but they have to transcend themselves. And in that surrender, they transcended their own human limitations. They transcended their own human limitations. And in that, they tapped into another dimension of life, another dimension of existence, another dimension of possibility, potentiality. And life was able to manifest through them. Life was able to use them. Life was able to do the work through them. Life was able to create through them. And that's where the magic happened. Miracles happen through them, not because they did it, but because they surrendered. They got themselves out the way, and that's when God did the work. Look, let's have a conversation. You mentioned the church. Let's talk church for a moment. Please forgive me, Brian, if I, if I botch the quote here, but Jesus himself, great wayshower, said, it's not I that does the work. He never said, yo, I'm Jesus, look how great I am, the great one. It's not I that does the work. Work. He didn't say, I'm the great manifester, I'm the great miracle worker. It's not I, I, I, I, the limited I, ego I, personality I, Brian D Smith, John Susie, it's not I that does the work, it's the Father that does the work through me. That is a next level of manifestation. So I believe that when we truly surrender, what God can manifest through us, what life can manifest through us, what the divine can manifest through us, is way beyond anything we could plan and intend and make happen with our limited ego's capacity. To me, this is true power of manifesting, because then you realize it's not you or me that's manifesting, it's life that's manifesting, it's God that's manifesting through you, the source of all existence that is manifesting through you. That's the zone of miracles, you know, that's That's the magic of surrender. So we have to surrender our control. So just to kind of have the conversation, surrender— there's this misconception that surrender is weak, that surrender is passive, that surrender is giving up, that surrender is waving the white flag, that surrender is being a doormat, being a victim, sitting there doing nothing, being passive, sitting around waiting. That surrender, if you surrender, you won't manifest your goals, dreams, and desires, that if you surrender, you're, you're going to get less in life. I'm actually, I'm actually saying, if you surrender, what if you didn't get less, but you got more, more than you could have planned of your own self, more than you could have imagined of your own limited human mind's capacity. Most of us, we are trying to manifest with our little egos. Most of us, we're trying to manifest with our little minds. Brian D Smith is trying to manifest, Kūt is trying to manifest, and we're not tapping into the infinity of our soul's knowing and our soul's potential. We're, we're putting limitations on life in manifesting. And so surrender is to let go of control. Surrender is to let go of trying to control everything. Control is the master addiction. You know, or the illusion of control, I should say. If the last few years have shown us anything, it's perhaps shown us that we are not as in control as we thought. Surrender is when we stop trying to force and manipulate life to fit our limited idea of how we think it should be and who we think we should be and how we think it should unfold. Surrender is taking the limitations off of life. Surrender is allowing life to show us, allowing God to show us, allowing life to lead us so that that's when the magic happens. So you see, the old paradigm, the old way of living, is the ego-based model of creating life. And I think that yes, you can make life happen, you can be successful trying to force and will and control. It does work to a degree. But it's limiting. It is limiting. Because when we try to create from the level of the ego, the lens of the ego, the personality, the mind, the ego is limited, is conditioned, we're not able to see the entire possibilities and unfolding of what life, of what God is trying to unfold in our life. Because the ego is conditioned, it doesn't see the infinite possibilities of life. So when we manifest from the ego, there is limitation. And you might get everything that you thought you wanted only to realize that what you thought you wanted was just what you thought you wanted, based on who you thought you were. But if you're not in touch with who you really are, then what you think you want and the goals that you think you want is not going to be what you really want. Maybe just projections of unmet needs from childhood, you know. And so the question that I invite people to ask, as we talk about manifestation and surrender, is not because we're taught to ask, what do you want? Get clear on what you want. Know what you want. Write down what you want. I'm not saying it's not helpful to write down your goals. I'm not saying there's not a place. But sometimes we get so attached to what we want to— what we as individual little ego separate identities want to manifest, that we're not open to the universe. And I say, make sure you don't— make sure that your goal list, your ideal scene doesn't limit the divine. Make sure your little goal list and your ideal scene isn't blocking your blessing. Because sometimes we go, we write down who we want to be with, the person we think we should be with, what we think we want for our life. And we get so attached to it that we're not open. We're not open to the infinite ocean of magic and creativity and grace that is seeking to unfold because we can't see it because we just think this is what we want. And so in surrender, we say yes. Here's the key. It's not what do I want? The question is, what is it that— what is it that life is seeking to express through me? What is it that my soul is seeking to express? What is it that God is seeking to manifest through me? What is it that the Divine is seeking to express and manifest through me? What is the deepest impulse of what life is seeking to express and manifest through me? And the goal is to be still, to listen, to tune in, to catch the vision of this highest potential possibility that is seeking to express through you. And when you catch that vision, you become obedient to that. Now you're in flow. Now you're in alignment, then you can align your thoughts, your goals, your actions, your resources, your money, your strategy, your planning, in alignment with the flow, in alignment with the deepest, highest intentionality of the divine. And that, to me, is when you are in flow. And that's when you are living surrender. And that's when magic happens, you know. And so then you have to go into life, giving 100% to the, to the vision and the goal without attachment. Give 100%. Don't be attached to the outcome, because then you're open to allowing life to show you. And so surrender is really about not limiting life, not controlling life to the point where you're trying to force something. You're catching the vision, being obedient to the— sometimes the vision that you get will not be what you thought you wanted. Like, for instance, The Magic of Surrender, the book that I wrote, bestseller. I'm very passionate about it. For me, it's a calling. It's a mission. This was not the book I wanted to write. This was not the book I thought to write. I wanted to write a different kind of book, Brian. I wanted to write a book about— I mean, I had literally 15 ideas on this side over here. I thought, oh, this book is going to make me, you know, more famous. This book is going to, you know, get me on Oprah. This book is going to be a New York Times bestseller. This book is going to be a book my publisher would want. But when I was honest, none of those titles had the alignment None of those titles felt true in my soul. They felt like gimmicks. They didn't feel like, yes, this is it. The only word I wrote on the board that felt true that I didn't have an idea for was the word surrender. And I thought, oh man, I don't know if I want to write about surrender because there's so many misconceptions about surrender. And we know we should do it, but we don't want to do it because the ego resists surrender. And when I was honest with my soul and myself, It was like, yes, this is the book that is seeking to be written. And my job is to get myself out of the way. My job is to be the vessel and the vehicle for the book to come through. Because the book has its own intelligence, its own vision, its own function, and turned out better than I could imagine. And so I believe that when we truly surrender, what ends up manifesting is not limited to your mind, because the mind is conditioned in the past. So when you are manifesting from the ego mind, your manifestation will be limited to your past, not infinite possibilities.

Yeah, that's great.

Great.

Thank you. That's a great answer. So I hear, you know, we're talking about purpose, we talk about taking that step, you know, we talked about surrendering, we talked to manifest, I'm hearing a lot about trust, trusting ourselves, trusting the divine, trusting life, trusting our greater soul. People say to me, how do I learn how to trust? I don't even trust myself. I don't trust my own decision making.

Good question. Good question. First, I'll say this. First, I'll say something, then I'll give maybe a practical exercise. Okay. If you look around, First, I would just say, look around. How can you not trust life? I'm going to throw the question back to the person. How can you not trust life? Think about it. Every day we wake up. If you listen, every day you wake up, has the sun ever not shone? You woke up one day, it was pitch black, and the sun just— what happened? Brian D Smith just forgot to come out today, just didn't set itself. Never. The sun always— has the moon ever not shone? Has the sky— like, has existence ever not been? No. All of it. If we look around, all of existence, to me, is proof that we can— that there's an intelligence. I don't know, whatever you want to believe. To me, folks, everyone has the right to their own beliefs. But there's something that is unfolding existence. And life that is bigger than you and me. Like right now, maybe you had breakfast or lunch, or depending on when you're listening to this conversation, and you had a banana, you ate the banana, ingested the banana. How is it that your hand doesn't turn into a banana? There's an intelligence inside of you and me, in spite of you, that knows exactly what to do to digest. And the digestion is happening whilst we're having this conversation. Right now we're having this conversation. And there are trillions and trillions and trillions and trillions and trillions and trillions of cells functioning right now without your awareness. Trillions, that's T with a trillion with a T, trillions. And we can't trust. Right now we're breathing. We're not sitting here going, oh, Brian D Smith have to breathe. It's like, it's just happening all day long. This innate— cut your finger, you don't even have to pray. You don't have to be a good person. You could be a drug dealer, but you cut your finger. This intelligence knows exactly how to heal your hand. You don't do that. I don't do that. No, we don't make it. It just happens. So what is it? What is it? I'm not saying I can tell you, but what is it that is doing that? It's innate intelligence. And we're walking around like we don't trust life. We don't trust that, like, your hand is just healing, and you don't trust existence. Like, wait a second. So I think we just have to bring our attention. So first, I would say, bring your attention to your body. Because if you just got in touch with the miracle that is your body and brought your attention there. It's mind-blowing. It's mind-blowing. It is mind-blowing. Because the moment you can't breathe, it's over. It's mind-blowing. So just tune into your body. Notice all of the miracles that are happening in your body that's just firing away, just going on in spite of you. Let that remind you of trust. Spend time in nature. Go out, spend time in nature. Look at the sun, look at the stars, look at the rhythm of nature, look at all of existence and the trees and how it's just unfolding. It's just— have you ever stopped? You know, have we ever? How often do we sit back and just observe and marvel at nature and existence? We're so busy. But when we see the leaves fall, the mangoes fall when it's ripe, all these things, happen in the cycle of life. Wow. So spend time in nature and let that reconnect you with trust. There is a cycle and a rhythm and a season to this existence. You know, and the other thing I would say, yes, in terms of trust. So those are some reminders of just bringing your focus to that dimension of life. But I would say in terms of trust, yes, it's hard to trust life sometimes when we don't trust ourselves. We trust— it's, you know what's crazy? We trust Siri more than we trust our soul. We trust Siri more than we trust the divine. Siri says, turn left, we turn, we don't even question. Siri says, turn right, Siri could be taking us off a cliff, we're just going. But the moment your soul My soul says turn left? Whoa, whoa, what do you mean turn— I have to wait a second. So how do we trust Siri more than we trust our soul? You know, and so I would just say, we have to learn to trust ourselves. One of the reasons that we stay stuck if we don't trust ourselves or all the ways that we lie to ourselves, just to get real for a moment, in so many— and we kind of touched on this a bit earlier,. But maybe here's some questions I'll give people. In so many ways, because we've been conditioned from childhood to get love, validation, and approval, to avoid pain, to suppress emotions, we've learned to lie to ourselves. How do you feel?

Fine.

Everything okay? It's great. We stay in relationships that we know are not right, and we're no longer in love. We pretend to be people that we aren't in order to get love, validation, approval, to fit in, to be normal to be accepted. We work jobs that we hate. We hate compromising our integrity in order to survive, to live a life that we think we should be living. And so to truly transform, to truly transform, we have to start telling ourselves the truth. And it's hard to trust when we are lying to ourselves. Then we can't even trust ourselves. Because deep down, when we know that we are lying to ourselves. And so I would just invite people to sit with the question, what lies am I telling myself? What lies am I telling myself? There is no transformation without truth. And you have to want the truth more than you want what you have. You have to want the truth more than you want what you want. But if you're willing to tell yourself the truth, then you can bring yourself back into also integrity. And when you can tell yourself the truth, then you can start trusting yourself again. This is one place that you can start. If you're like, well, I can't trust the universe, let me start by trusting myself, by beginning to tell myself the truth. Sometimes we are afraid to tell ourselves the truth, because we're afraid of the consequences. So here's what I tell people, take the pressure off of yourself, of having to take action, take the pressure off, you don't have to take action, which means you don't have to break up, You don't have to— like, like, the truth might sound like, I'm not in love with my husband or wife anymore. I'm not in love. It's scary, but I'm not in love. The truth. You don't have to divorce, you don't have to break up. But just acknowledge the truth. Because without telling yourself the truth, and that self-awareness, self-reflection and self-honesty, you cannot trust yourself. And if you can't trust yourself, it's also hard to trust life. Because deep down, you're lying to yourself. And so we have to stop lying to ourselves. So take the pressure off of yourself from having to take action. I hate my job. I hate my job. Scary to acknowledge. You don't have to leave. You don't have to do anything different. Just acknowledge that the truth begins a process inside.. And so that's, that's one. Those are a few places I think people can start. But you can start by telling yourself the truth. But every day, many times people go, wow. No, let me, let me, let me throw this out. If you look at the best things in life that have happened to you, to each of us, the best things, did you plan it? No, no, most of it, like meeting your soulmate, meeting that friend, going in, most of it just kind of, you know, in the process of living life, you just bumped into that person. Most of us didn't say, yeah, at 11:45 on Tuesday, I'm going to meet my soulmate at the grocery store. Doesn't happen that way. It just happens in the process of living life. So most of the best things in life just happen. It just unfolded. So let's begin trusting this intelligence a bit more. And then if you look at some of the things that you were so sure 5 years ago, 10 years ago, that you really wanted, maybe we'll just take a relationship example for everybody. If everyone thinks back to 10 years ago, or 20 years ago, that you met someone and you fell in love, you're like, this is my soulmate. This is my forever person. Oh my God, I can't— I Imagine not being with this person, then you just, you were so in love, obviously didn't work out. And then you were heartbroken, devastated, didn't understand why you lost all your trust in the divine, the universe. But now 2023, you look back at that person, that time of your life, that relationship, and you go, thank God, that didn't work. Like, thank God, that didn't work out. Trust. So even in the moment, when things are not going according to plan, or you don't get what you thought you wanted, trust, from the perspective of your ego, you may not understand why. But from the perspective of your soul, there is a deeper knowing, there's a deeper intelligence that something is happening. And so from that perspective of the ego, we're not able to see the infinite possibilities of what's happening, but trust that the universe is always working for your highest good, even if you can't see it right now.

Wow.

We're coming to the end of our time.

And I think that is a great place to end.

Thank you so much for that. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

Thank you for sharing your story. Let people know how they can find out more about you, where they can find your books, all that stuff.

Yeah, just, it's been a joy being on the show. A couple of ways people can connect if you enjoyed the conversation, get the book, The Magic of Surrender, the paperback version on Amazon, check it out there. If people feel really inspired, they can go to my website, kuteblackson.com, K-U-T-E blackson.com. And if people feel super inspired, and maybe a desire to go deeper, twice a year, I do a very special event in Bali. For those that maybe feel a calling to transform, a calling to make a difference on the planet, that you feel that you have been put on the planet to make a difference, an impact that is bigger than yourself. And if you feel a readiness for that, and you know that your time is now— twice a year I do an event in Bali. I've done it for 10 years. So I've done 20 of these events. And 2023 is my final year doing these events. And so the next one is a 12-day journey to Bali in July, July 28th through August 8th. It's called Boundless Bliss. People can go to www.boundlessbliss.com. Boundlessblissbali.com.

Nice.

Well, thank you again. Thank you so much for being here and enjoy the rest of your day.

Thank you.

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