Transforming Grief into Growth: James Brackin IV's Inspiring Journey EP 350

You know you need something, you're just not sure what. You've been listening, you're doing the work, but there's still this feeling that you're circling the same place, like you're waiting for the thing that finally moves you. Now maybe you've thought about working with me one-on-one. Maybe something's held you back, the timing, the money, or you're just not sure you're ready yet. I get that. And I want you to know there's still a place for you. I built a resource for exactly this moment, guided meditations for when the waves hit and you just need to breathe. Workbooks to help you get out of your head and onto the page, ebooks on what near-death experiences tell us about the people we've lost, and whether they're really gone, a full course for widows and widowers who are ready to find their way back to living, and a full course for the evidence of the afterlife. And all of it is available for pay what you want. Nobody gets turned away because of money. I think these resources are valuable, but I don't want to hold them back because you don't have the money to pay for them. You don't have to wait until you're ready for coaching. The next step might be a lot smaller than you think. To find out, go to grief2growth.com/store. That's grief, the numeral 2, growth.com/store. And check out the resources I've made for you. Hey, welcome back to Grief 2 Growth. My name is Brian D Smith. I am your, your host. We explore all things about life, about the challenges of life, about overcoming those challenges, etc. Today I've got with me James Bracken, and James is a young man. He's a very inspiring young man. He's a coach, he's helping entrepreneurs get their way and get to the root of their self-sabotage. He also hosts the podcast, the You Can Too podcast, and he shares inspiring stories that help you expand your mind and, and to focus on what's possible. So with that, I'm just going to do a really brief introduction to James and welcome him to Grief 2 Growth.

Brian, thank you so much for having me on the show. I'm excited to chat today. I know it's gonna be an amazing conversation.

Yeah, it's great to have you here. Um, first of all, I know you're a very young man, so, and you got started very early. What do you think has, has driven you to have, to achieve the success you have at the age that you are?

Mortality, uh, at the forefront for sure.

Um, oh, okay.

To give a little background, so my father and uncle both passed away at 37 years old. So that age is like ingrained in my mind. When I hit 38, it's gonna be great. Oh, wow. Um, And my grandfather passed away a few months before his retirement. And so seeing someone pass away, that's when it really hit me. 'Cause my father and uncle passed when I was a little bit younger. Mm-hmm. My grandfather passing a few months before his retirement was just kind of like awakening or internalization of the fact that we all know we're going to die, but none of us really truly live like it. We live day to day, we coast through our life, and we don't really pursue anything most of the time meaningful. We do the 9 to 5, whatever the path is. And so for me, it was realizing that I didn't want to live a life that I wasn't excited to wake up to every day.

I gotta tell you, I was not expecting that answer. Um, you don't expect young people to think about mortality, you know, and I know someone passing, and I'm sorry for the losses that you've had because I know that's got to be really hard. Um, but to even internalize it even at your age, I think it takes— is a very special thing.

Yeah, I mean, COVID happened and I kind of had to sit with myself, and you know, it was— COVID happened right around the time I was in high school, so it was like, this is my chapter of life. I don't really know what's going to come from it. To add on to it as well, when I was born, I had 5 blood transfusions, so I was what, uh, my family would say is white as paper. I almost died because I had no blood in my body. So mortality has just been top of mind ever since I really came into this world.

Yeah, well, you know, we talk about mortality a lot on the show. I, I focus on— well, actually, mortality and immortality, because I believe that we are eternal beings. But mortal within this physical body. And some people turn away from that, that thing of mortality, because it scares them, it paralyzes them. But you've actually used it to do the opposite.

Yeah, I think, I think anything in life can be used for you or against you. I mean, when I, when I grew up, I grew up as a victim. I lost a lot of family. I didn't grow up in the best, uh, financial position, I guess you would say. And so I felt life was happening to me. Um, and in the midst of COVID happening, you have to be with yourself a lot. It was kind of this turning point in my life where instead of asking, why is this happening to me? Like, just felt like life was just throwing thing after thing on top of me. I had a lot of injuries throughout my life, so that was a lot of things that kind of pushed me back. And there was a day when I asked, how is this happening for me? When I started to look for reasoning, I mean, I like to use the example of our brain's kind of like ChatGPT. If we, if we give it a prompt, it's— we're going to get an answer, but we're unconsciously giving ourselves the wrong prompts day after day. And so we We get the wrong answers in life. And so I just started asking better questions, and my, my life really changed in the process.

Wow, that is— that's amazing. You know, I'm sitting there thinking, I'm, I'm 63, so we're like at the opposite end of the spectrum of life. But I, you know, these are some of the realizations I try to get my clients to understand, and I'm trying to understand myself. You know, the idea that life is happening for me, or I can turn this into something happening for me, and to have internalized that at the age that you are, and to use that to motivate you forward. I, I'm just, I'm so impressed.

I appreciate it. I mean, I, I'm speaking with a lot of amazing humans in my podcast that are in their late 70s, 80s, because I, I'm, I've always been inspired by, uh, just wisdom in itself, and I want to take as much as I can from people that are much further along the path as me. So I'm just taking it and implementing it, which is the most difficult part.

Yeah. Well, you know, it's interesting as we're having this conversation, cuz I've been talking to people about where mankind is evolving to, and then some people say we're, we're on the edge of a, kind of a breakthrough. And I was talking with some of the— about like young people coming in that are like old souls. And yeah, I think there are people that are like that, people your age that are not the typical, you know, I want to ignore death and pretend I'm immortal. It's like, I'm going to embrace life and I'm going to try to embrace all the wisdom that I can.

Yeah, I'm definitely— that is the one thing I've been told for most of my life is that I am an old soul. I don't— I definitely— the people I hang out with are definitely 10 years plus older than me, and that's That's been it ever since I really left high school. I've started surrounding myself with— I joined a coaching program with everyone that was way older than I was, and I was 17 years old. So I mean, I started surrounding myself with people that were older than me that were thinking much different than me really early on, for sure.

Yeah. So, um, tell me about some of the guests you've had on your podcast, man.

Uh, it has been 230 episodes, so plenty. Um, Gay Hendricks was one that makes me— you made me think of Bruce Lipton. Uh, those are a few that just are top of mind. Uh, Seth Godin, um, so many just amazing, amazing humans that are, that are in a similar just space of consciousness that just think differently about the world. And, um, I can go on and on, honestly. I just look around enough books that I have in my room and think of, okay, I had him on the podcast too, and I had him, and right, um, so plenty of amazing humans. But I'm just thinking about the next conversation I get to have. Luckily it's tomorrow.

Yeah. So you, you, so you're absorbing all this, all this knowledge, and, and I believe it's, it's interesting because again, we, we kind of come in, and people think we come in— some people think we come in as blank slates, and we're definitely not. Yeah, I mean, you obviously came in with something, but then we still leave— we still have to kind of reorient ourselves and get back to where we were. And I was reading that it takes most people up until about the age of 35 to kind of get back to where we were before we reincarnated. So, um, what do you think about your, your path so far?

Uh, I love that you bring up 35 because that makes me think of one of the first books that really, I would say, changed the trajectory of the knowledge I want to consume and the actions that I take and the way that I think about life entirely. Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Joe Dispenza really broke down, broke down that neuroscience on how we're wired to be a certain way. And so for me, it was— I grew up a victim of my circumstances, a victim of myself, a victim of the world. And COVID happened, and it was this realization of I am not the story that I tell myself about who I am. And I think that's the one thing that I get so excited to speak about the most, because so many people are going through life completely unaware of the stories that they're telling themselves about who they are, where they fit in the world, what they're capable of, what they're supposed to be creating in the world, what their purpose is, everything in between. And so that was really the thing that just excited me to start the podcast, start coaching with people, and really get into this space and hopefully help people in a way that I was helped. Throughout my journey.

Yeah, yeah. Well, again, I know a lot of, uh, my wife and I just talked about this the other day, you know, there's, there's a lot of young people that are just kind of like, the world's just not as good as it was, it was for my parents. And we keep hearing the things like, this is not, this is the first generation where the lifestyle is not, might not be as good as ours, or life expectancy may not be as long as ours. Um, and that's bringing some sense of despair, I think, to some people. How do you feel about that?

I think it's at the end of the day, the you can control what you can control kind of perspective is one to take on. But I think if you're not in service of the world of other people, it's kind of like it doesn't matter how long you live if you're not feeling like it's a difference between getting to the end of your day with a full day, a lot of work, a lot of things that you did, and getting to the end of the day with a fulfillment with a lot of the things that you did, but things that actually filled your cup up and made you feel like there was something there was some reason for you being here. That's one thing I've realized of working one-on-one with clients because I haven't stepped into group coaching or anything like that, but I've done one-on-one, one-on-one coaching. And in the experience that I can see from the start of the call to the end of the call and just the awakening that someone can have, just breaking them out of their story and then they go do it to someone else, that's all I really care about. Like if I'm impacting one person and that trickles down into another person, I think when you have impact and you're in service, all of the other problems that are going on in the world, they don't disappear, but they definitely seem less significant, I would say.

Yeah, yeah, I would say so. So have you had any issues with your age and people come to you for, for life coaching advice? I'll be really frank with you, I've said to people I would never go to a 25-year-old life coach because I don't have any experience, you know. But, you know, I— you, you've impressed me already just in a few minutes we've known each other. So have you had any pushback, people saying, yeah, you're too young to be coaching me?

Yeah. I mean, none of the clients I've worked with, right? People that I found when I first got started in coaching, I definitely had that limiting belief of like, I'm too young to work with people. To give context, I was a 17-year-old quote unquote life coach. I knew it was bonkers. Like, it didn't make any sense, but I knew that there was no other path in the world that felt fulfilling and felt like the path I was supposed to be going down.

Wow.

And so if I felt like I'm supposed to be here, the only reason I would feel imposter syndrome is because I'm doing something that I've never done before. I mean, that's— everyone feels imposter syndrome when they step into a new career or whatever it may be. When I had Seth Godin on my podcast, he said he was a quote unquote imposter because he never spoke with me before. So like, any time you experience something new, you're going to feel like an imposter because you've never been there before. You don't have the evidence to reinforce why you should be there. And so for me, that was it. I knew that I didn't have any evidence, so I just had to go create the evidence. Luckily, one of the first clients I worked with was a 43-year-old woman. I was 18. Didn't make any sense to me. This person already achieved massive success, had an ATM business, like had all the success, success in the world, but she still had so much trauma and beliefs about herself that didn't serve her from when she was 17 years old. And so I may not be the age that people expect me to be, but I can also bring a perspective that most people can't bring.

Yeah, and let's talk about imposter syndrome, cuz some people may not know what it is we're talking about. So let's first of all define it for people.

Yeah, I think imposter syndrome is this feeling as though you are not supposed to be where you are. Maybe you're in a room of people that, uh, are just more successful than you, quote unquote, or you're in a career position that you don't feel like you're ready for yet. Whatever that feeling is, it's a feeling. The difficult part is the story that we tell ourselves about that feeling. And if we tell ourselves a story that doesn't serve us, we're gonna hold back. What I continue to kind of reinforce to clients is that Imposter syndrome is usually a good thing because that means that you're in a position of growth, like you are going to grow from an experience if you feel like an imposter, as long as you don't tell yourself the story that you're not supposed to be here. Usually when I feel like an imposter, I kind of reinforce this is the life that I want to be creating for myself. This is the next level. And so I should be feeling like an imposter. That's what I continue to try to reinforce to people is like, if you're not feeling like an imposter, you're not in the right position because you're, you're probably not growing.

Yeah, I think that's a really good perspective. And I think another thing that people don't realize is I think everybody, or at least thoughtful people, experience imposter syndrome. And we feel like we're— I'm the only one feeling this way. I'm the only one that feels like they shouldn't be here.

Yeah, it's same thing with the spotlight effect. Like, anyone that thinks, oh, everyone's looking at me, everyone's thinking about me. When I first got started posting on social media, it was the same day that I invest into a coaching program. So I invested more money than I had in my bank account. I knew I had to make it work. Otherwise, I I'm going to go in debt because I just paid for something I can't afford. And so I had to start posting online and that was terrifying for me. And I thought everyone was thinking of me. And I realized the first post I made, no one cared. And the second day, no one cared. And so it's just really recognizing how insignificant you are in the grand scheme of things and how truly significant you are in the grand scheme of things. Like you're very significant and insignificant. And holding that paradox is one that's very difficult for a lot of people.

Yeah, that's a, that's a great point that you just made about, about that thing that And we, we consider ourselves to be so big when it comes to our failures, um, but we don't, we don't give ourselves the same credit when it comes to our successes. We don't understand that we are, we are very significant in the role that we play. But again, not everybody is looking at us and, and looking for everything that we're doing wrong.

Yeah, I think that's when mortality comes back into play too, is like when you get to the end of your life, and this is what really propels me into doing things that I'm terrified of doing, I will regret not doing the thing rather than doing the thing and failing at it. So like the certainty that I, I did something and I failed at it will give me a lot more peace of mind than not doing the thing at all and sitting and thinking, what if? Like, I wanna get to the end of my life thinking I'm glad I did rather than what if I did. That terrifies me of thinking all the things that I could have done. And so that, that's what gets me into action.

Yeah, that's a good, that's a really good point. And also, you know, when we try things and fail and realize that failure's not fatal, first of all. Uh, I also, but we also try things and we succeed so we can kind of reinforce, but we have to try things. And that's where a lot of people, I think, uh, kind of fall down. It's like, I'm not even gonna try because I'm scared.

The reframe for me was failure is feedback. And I reframed that a few years ago because I think the false idea that people have about failure and success is that success is one road and failure's the other road. Mm-hmm. It just doesn't work that way. It just doesn't. No one just goes to success and it's just some destination you land at. Success is along the road of failure. So it's like it's the same road if you just simply don't stop. And of course you have to pivot and consistency isn't enough that, but just showing up enough times to get to X point like the podcast is a great example for life. Most people don't get past episode 3 that start a podcast. You create 10 episodes, you're past like 98% of podcasts. I've released 233 episodes of my podcast. So just that alone, if I did nothing else, I'm in the top 1% in the world. Like, that's pretty much everything in life. Like, being top of the top in most anything in life is just showing up. Half the game, really.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's, that's a great point too, because as you said, a lot of people, I, I've, I've seen it with a lot of things in life. They'll try, they'll put out 1, 2, 3, 5 podcasts. Oh, nobody's listening. I'm gonna give up. Yeah. Stay with us.

We'll be right back.

You know, one of the hardest things about grief? Most of the people in your life just don't get it. They want you to be further along than you are. They get uncomfortable when you bring it up, so you stop bringing it up. And that's why I started writing. My Substack is where I go deeper. Thoughts I don't always get to on the podcast. Essays on consciousness, on continuing bonds, on what it actually means to carry loss and still build a life. The stuff that used to keep me up at night, written out in a way that I hope meets you in the morning. But here's what I didn't expect when I started it: the community that showed up. People who are doing exactly what you're doing— listening, learning, trying to find their footing. Readers who comment, who share their own stories, who remind each other that none of us are as alone in this as we feel. And that's what the Substack has become— a place to go deeper with me and to find your people. It's free to subscribe. Find me at grief2growth.com/substack. That's grief, the numeral 2, growth.com/substack. Or just go to Substack and search for Grief to Growth. I hope to see you there.

Yeah, yeah, I know a couple stories of people that are really successful and they had they— I remember, I don't remember who it was exactly, but a podcaster I listened to gave an example of someone that he knew that was getting 20,000 downloads an episode and thought, this isn't worth it. And I thought, man, oh man, if 20,000 downloads an episode was something to like just wipe off and not even think about, what a life that'd be.

Yeah, well, that's, that's another interesting thing to talk about is like, what does success mean? Because we typically— success we define as whoever's doing better than I am, you know. So then if that's our definition, then we'll never be successful.

My definition of success, and it will definitely change as I grow, is my standards. The example I like to use is if I'm doing what I said I would do, I am successful. Because most of the time, like you said, a lot of the time our success is determined by an external metric. So if all the— if the views are going up, if the money's going up, I am successful. But I don't define that as success because some of the most successful people in the world, the richest people in the world, don't feel good about themselves when they're by themselves. They don't feel good about themselves when they're with their family. They don't spend time with their family. I don't define that as successful. So if I'm doing what I said I would do, I feel pretty good about myself because I, I'm keeping my reputation with myself. Mm-hmm. That's what sits good for me. And at this moment, it will definitely change as I grow, but that's what resonates with me.

Yes. Success is an, is an internal thing and, uh, What you just said, I think, was again really smart because we can all think of examples of people that we've considered to be extremely successful and they're very unhappy sometimes to the point of even taking their own lives. And we'll say, well, if I had that, then, then I wouldn't do that. But it shows how that if we externalize that success and pin it to a number or compare it to somebody else, then it's a, it's a target that we can never hit.

It's the same thing as having a victim mindset. Like if we, if we hold, if we put our responsibility in the external, we're always going to feel like life is just happening to us and we have no agency. We have no control over what happens. It resonates the same way with success. Yeah, if we put something outside of us, we have no way of maneuvering and having some kind of pull over where we go or how we feel. And I think success really is an internal metric more than it is an external, even though 99% of the world sees it as an external metric.

So was there a point Um, I asked these questions, it's kind of wild for somebody that's as young as you are, but was there a point in your life where you felt like you, you made this turn, this realization? Because as you said, you were handed a lot of very difficult things that some people would have said, I am a victim. So what, what turned it around for you, man?

I, I think of that often because there, there wasn't one moment where things just like magically changed, of course, but I think it was a a continuous process of, you know, I took a lot of pride in never reading a book throughout my entire schooling, like very much pride. I never read a book. I left school and I've read more than I could possibly imagine. My bookcase recently broke because of how many books I have. I make a joke about that and I've read so many books. I've listened to so many podcasts. I've been able to speak with some profound humans on my podcast. I've hired a lot of coaching as well. And through time and time again of investing into myself, investing into my like my growth, I kind of realized the one pivotal moment that I spoke about earlier. Life isn't happening to me, but it's happening for me. And if I just really try to look for that in my everyday life, I will always find a way to see that life is happening in my best interest. Like, our growth happens through discomfort. It comes from confrontation for the fears that we have from the things we want to avoid and everything in between. And I think when COVID happened, it really pushed me back into this moment, this moment where I had to think about how I felt about myself and what I really wanted out of life. Because at the time I was going to become a real estate agent. I didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life. I didn't feel fulfilled. I didn't feel confident in myself. I went down this path and my life really changed because I just started showing up, giving myself different evidence and start taking in different information and really just applying it. And things changed from there.

Yeah. And I could see a couple of things. I mean, one is like It's, it's effort. It takes, it takes work. And sometimes people, they don't like it when, as coaches, tell people, well, no, life is about— we have to work, we have to, we have to have a plan, we have to work it, we have to invest in ourselves. You're, you're investing not only financially, and you've invested financially, but also investing our time, our, our effort. And the other thing I think is really important is serving others. I mean, you, you talked about this very early on. Like, I want to serve. I feel fulfilled when I serve others. And so when we can step outside of ourselves, I think that is one of the keys also.

Yeah, I think for me it was a mix of— I think the day that I made that investment into myself, the first investment I made into myself, was one of the most scariest moments of my life because I finally— what I realized, and I think a lot of coaches recognize this as well, is that people aren't afraid to invest into themselves. They're afraid of the work that's going to come after they invest into themselves because now the work's there. Now it's like, I invested into myself. Now the work really starts, whether it's trauma that you're trying to break through, a business you're trying to build, whatever it is. And so that was the moment for me where I recognized I have to start believing in myself and actually start showing up for myself like I never have before. And that automatically, before I took any action, it automatically changed the way I looked at myself because I am someone that invests in my future. I am someone that bets on myself. Yeah, it was the moment when I stopped thinking, playing not to lose, and I started playing to win in life. And I think that was a moment that really shifted. And then of course, when I start working with clients, and the podcast. I started my podcast, Solo Episodes, and it was like a public journal of me learning something, speaking it out, and then I'm learning it twice, and then I go teach it and go ask clients questions about stuff that I'm learning. And it was just like so many different ways of learning in ways. And even with a podcast now, I'm interviewing people that wrote a bestselling book and then I get to ask them questions like that's a dream. It doesn't make any sense to me. So I'm just— I learned in a lot of different ways, whether it was coaching with people, investing in myself, or learning from people directly.

Yeah, well, you've taken, you've taken some risks, right? You've gone out and said, I'm going to, I'm going to take this gamble, I'm going to take this risk. And life, life is about risks. I think that's another important lesson that you, you've demonstrated for people. And that's what my podcast is, Grief to Growth. We talk about, we talk about grief, and we talk about growth. And I didn't, I didn't know your story about your father, you know, passing at such a young age. So how, what is your view on grief now? Hmm.

That's one thing I've, this year, more importantly, I've really got into a lot of somatic work. Um, and, and coming from a point of not just trying to solve things with my head, which a lot of people, a lot of people do. And I found that was a lot of my life was just this stoic kind of perspective of life's just going to happen. I'm going to get through it and we're going to move on. This year has been a real priority. Really trying to feel my feelings more and allow myself to grieve and allow myself to experience maybe the feelings that I suppressed 10 years ago. Plus, my dad passed when I was 6 years old. My uncle passed not too long after that. And so, like, losing a lot of people was difficult for me, but I didn't really internalize it until I saw them in a casket. And then I kind of just moved on. It wasn't anything that I really took into account that this is trauma or this is something that um, can have such a massive impact on me. So really honestly rewriting my, my, my story of what trauma even looks like, or seeing these things as things to actually value, has been big this year. And that's definitely a priority this year for coaching.

Yeah. Well, again, sorry for the loss of your father and your uncle. Um, and as a 6-year-old, I don't even know how a 6-year-old processes something like that. So it was, you know, you, you, it's, it's, you really I would imagine it's probably just coming up to you now as you, as you're maturing, that all the impact that that had and the loss and all that. So it's, it's, I would imagine you're still processing that pretty heavily.

Yeah, I don't think I ever did. That's the thing, right? So I think, I think, um, and that's for all of the people that really passed in my life. I don't, I don't really think I ever processed a lot of that stuff. So this year has been, you know, the past couple years it's been, all right, I'm hiring a business coach, I'm hiring a fitness coach, I'm doing all this. This year it's been a lot of, uh, health coaching and, um, somatic work and diving into going to retreats and different stuff, getting more in touch with my body. Cuz for a lot of my childhood, I was just disconnected from my body. Um, and so making that a priority this year has been huge for sure.

Yeah, I, I would, again, I would think so. Um, and I'm trying to think of how to, you know, phrase this in terms of you, you're going forward or. Do you— what are your thoughts about, um, the afterlife? About, about life planning? Or we talked a little bit, we touched about like maybe reincarnation. What about any of that stuff? Have you thought about those things?

If I'm honest with you, I really have been so trying to be so present where I am that I don't even think about tomorrow.

Oh, okay.

So the afterlife has been such a thought that I, I truthfully, just being open, I have never really thought about.

I'll be okay.

Like, I, I because I have so much detachment from what's going to happen after that. I don't even think about that moment. I kind of live as though every day, every moment, I really try to— like this year is like the past couple of years. It was taking in more information, learning, learning, learning, learning, right? This, this year has been— and last year have been really sitting in that learning, sitting in the peace and with myself and being more present and listening to myself more than anything else. Um, so it hasn't been too much of a thought, I'll be honest.

Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. So I— so when you talked about the mortality earlier, you see the mortality as kind of like a deadline. I've got to beat this deadline. I've got to get this much done because I don't know how long I'm going to be here. Is that, is that fair?

I mean, I think, I think, I think we'll always be here in some way. I just don't see it being some absence and just blackness and there's nothing there. I don't, I don't see that. Um, I don't know what it looks like next, but I know that it isn't, it isn't nothing. There's no nothingness. This world, whatever God is to people, whatever this world is, it, it doesn't end. And I, I don't—

I—

maybe our, our being, like our, our body ends, but our being, I don't think ever leaves. And I think that that's felt.

Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, that, I think that's really interesting. So, um, because I, I guess I misunderstood when you talked about the mortality Um, but it makes sense. It's like, again, most people your age are thinking, I'm going to live forever, you know, or they don't, or they don't think about it. But with you, you're like, okay, I know I have a finite amount of time here and I want to accomplish something. I want to, I want to serve people and I want to live to my full potential. And tell me if I'm putting words in your mouth, but you're not thinking, okay, uh, it's like, that's, that's what I'm here for. I'm focusing on today.

Yeah, I think of it as— and that's one thing is like vision hasn't been fantastic for me. And that's one thing I recently did, the StrengthsFinder, and I found out that, that vision is really big for me, but strategizing isn't really big for me. And so working with a coach to kind of learn how to have more of a— I don't want to say intentional perspective, but I'm very consistent. I'm very good at showing up day to day, but I'm not great at looking 5 years in the future because every year has been different. So Um, yeah, it's definitely about being where I'm at, but it's also just being really intentional about not wasting this life. Because I think one thing I realized when I left high school was a lot of people went to college because they wanted to coast, is the way I like to use it, is they probably are not gonna use the degree that they go to college for. A lot of the people I knew dropped out, but they're going there because they don't want to put in the effort to figure out what they actually do want to do is they don't wanna invest into themselves. And so I hope to help others be more intentional with the life that they are given, um, because everyone's going through some kind of struggle. And if we can, if one person can help one person can help one person, it's a domino effect.

Yeah. Well, I think college is kind of a default thing, right? For a lot of people.

Exactly.

Uh, I remember my daughter graduated from high school, you know, everybody's like, so where are you going to school? Where are you going to college? Just the assumption where you're going to college. And then if you weren't going to college, you're going to the military. And as an entrepreneur, as a serial entrepreneur, I'm like, why isn't anybody teaching people about entrepreneurship? Why? Why is no one teaching people about trades? You know, becoming a, you know, about, you know, becoming an electrician or becoming an HVAC technician and then owning your own business in that maybe. Why do we put everybody on this the same path? And, you know, while I think long-term planning is good, the other lesson in life is we never know what the future is going to hold. People say to me like, Where do you plan to be in 10 years? I have no freaking idea where I'm going to be in 10 years.

Yeah, I think the one thing that I learned from jumping into coaching such a young age was the best way to learn is to take on more than you can handle and to figure it out. Like, I think that if a lot of us are just trying to, like, again, playing not to lose rather than playing to win, going to the job and making that the thing. And I'm right with you. Like, I knew that going to college to get a 9-to-5 job, that no matter what I do, I'm going to make X amount per hour never made sense to me, never made sense to me because my grandfather passed a few months before his retirement. So like, what am I, what am I doing this for? And so I never, I never seen that as even a path. That was never something that made sense to me. So I'm right with you on that. And I think whether it's a trade or something where you can develop a high-value skill, you're never going to have to worry about money. You're never going to have to worry about what am I going to do for a living? Because you can always provide value to someone. And I don't think we— we're not taught that, but we're not taught 99% of the things that me and you learn and talk and speak to people about.

So yeah, that's— that is so important. I mean, our education system, you know, teaches us how to be cogs in the machine, basically. It doesn't teach us how to think. It doesn't teach us emotional intelligence. It doesn't teach us, as you said, those things about like, how do I create value? And I tell young people now, it's like, if you want a job that's not going to be outsourced, it's learning a skill that no one else can do. Or again, like doing a trade, for example. Like if you become— I've had HVAC technicians at my house recently. I'm like, these guys make good money, they have got a lot of skills, and that's never going to be outsourced. But we, we don't value that. We don't tell people you can do stuff like that.

No. When I, when I found out the value of even— and I go back to this because I just, I'm so fascinated by the story that we tell ourselves about who we are and this idea of who we think we are, where we fit in the world. I've always been fascinated by that because we go through high school and everyone's projecting onto one another. We— there's so much bullying in the world and there's so much hatred and so much going on that especially when we're a child, we don't even know what's going on in our brain. We're just projecting our insecurities onto other people and we just take them as stories of who we are. And when I left school and I started reading books and learning more about myself and how I fit in the world and consciousness and everything in between, I was just fascinated that I was never taught any of this, like none of it. Taxes, like anything that actually matters in the world, I felt I wasn't taught in school. Yeah, it blows me away to this day.

So how do you get along with your, your peers? I would imagine that you stand out quite a bit among people. And just, I guess I can ask you, how old are you? How old are you?

Yeah, I'm 20. So I've been doing this for 3 years. And I would say that when I first got into this space, I had to distance myself a bunch because It was terrifying for me. I thought— cared so much about what other people thought of me. And it was scary in the beginning, but it helped me realize how much this stuff just fills my cup so much and how much it really matters to me and the impact I can have on other people. I definitely didn't fit in well, but like I, like I said earlier, like I'm surrounding myself with people in their 30s. I just— I resonate with older people because I am an old soul. I really don't resonate with talking about this drama or that drama, and I never did, and I don't— I definitely never will.

Yeah, I, I would think, uh, and you're— I mean, my youngest daughter, she passed away, you know, 9 years— 8 years ago, um, but she would be, you know, 24 now. So you're younger than, you know, than my youngest daughter. But again, it's not a matter of the, um— I've been having debates with people recently about being old, and I'm like, you know, I'm old because I'm biologically, chronologically, I am old. But, uh, there is this concept of an old soul, I think, or people that, that come in with a different— it's a different point of view, and people that can help spark, you know, the rest of us. Um, but I wonder how much— do you get pushback from, from people your age? Like, you know, why are you so serious, or any of that kind of stuff?

Um, I think a lot of the people that are my age usually aren't as introspective as me. And so it's not about being serious. I try to be sincere instead of serious. Alan Watts definitely pressed that into my head. But I think, yeah, I think they're not as introspective as me. So I kind of just am as much of an observer as I can be when I'm around people that are my age because it just allows me to ask questions and just practice just being the observer as best as I can, I guess is the best way I can say it, because Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, I think that's the, it's the best way I can frame it right now.

Yeah, that's fair. Um, so I'm gonna, I'm gonna contradict what I said earlier about like, you know, thinking about where we're going to be, but what, what are— so what are your, um, next things you're shooting for in life? You mentioned the age of 38, which for, again, a lot of us were thinking, well, that's, that's young, right? But I know for you it probably holds a different kind of a meaning. So what do you wanna accomplish between now and say then?

Oh man. Uh, 38 seems like a forever, like so far away and so close at the same time. Cuz if time, I feel like time passes so quick some days. Um, what do I want to accomplish by the time I'm 38? Hope I have a family. That would be pretty cool. And hopefully I get to look back on this and think that I have one. But my career has been the one thing that's just been such a, priority to me. And I think when I look at people like Derek Sivers and Tim Ferriss and people like that, like I had Derek Sivers on my podcast and a lot of other people that are just so focused on their career and building that they forget to build relationships. I just hope that my relationships are at the forefront because for most of my life it's been my career and getting to this point that now I'm introspective about the fact that I want to have great relationships and that really is all that matters. So I hope that that's at the forefront and then hopefully I get to impact millions of people through the podcast and through coaching. And hopefully that turns into retreats or, um, I don't know what that looks like, but I hope I'm still doing the same, having the same impact, that's for sure.

Yeah, yeah, I'm, I'm actually sure you will. Uh, yeah, because, because you have that intention, because you've got that drive, because you're investing yourself. I'm sure that you'll be, you know, you'll have— you'll continue to have an impact. And it's funny you mentioned about time being so weird, because when you get to be my age, you realize that time is It's very strange, you know. I'm looking at pictures of my daughters, you know, from, from before you were born, and, and the one hand it seems like a long time ago, but the other hand it seems like very quickly. And to know, you know, your age where that is, um, almost double your age, but I, I can tell you it goes very fast. Um, it, it'll, it will go by faster than, than you can really even imagine.

Yeah, I feel— I often say that the days might go by slow sometimes, but the years go by like they're weeks. Like, it is, it is insane how fast— the fact that we're in 2024 and we're already 3 months, 4 months into the year blows me away because I feel like I'm still looking for 2021. Like, I remember in high school thinking 2021 is so far away. That's when I graduated. Right. And boy, oh boy, how the time has just gone by insanely fast. But Again, goes back to being intentional about like just the day-to-day, like how are you spending your time? Are you fulfilled by what you do and are you, are you making an impact? I think that's what really matters.

Yeah. So what, what is the— what will people get from listening to your podcast? If someone says, you know, what's, what's this podcast about? Why would I want to listen to that?

Yeah. So as I said throughout this podcast, the thing that I'm so fascinated by is our belief systems, like the story that we tell ourselves about who we are. Mm-hmm. And so I like to bring on people on my podcast that have done extraordinary things. Maybe they've built a massive business and they've sold it for $100 million. Maybe they wrote a book and talked about something that they've overcome mentally, whatever it may be.

Mm-hmm.

My intention is to bring on people, share their stories from where they were to where they are now, to help other people kind of see that they had to let go of a lot of things. But the last question I ask every guest is, what belief are you currently unlearning? So I try to bring humility to people. That are at the highest level of their life, maybe, let's say, and people look at them as though they have everything figured out. And I ask a question like that and people often get taken aback by the fact that this person is still going through something and still overcoming something. And so I hope to help other people unlearn the beliefs that hold them back by sharing stories of how other people have done it themselves.

Yeah. Yeah, I think it's a good point. So what, what typically, what kind of beliefs do hold us back?

I think the belief— there's 3 fears that I find most people struggle with, and these may not be beliefs, but I'll bring it back into how this makes sense.

Okay.

The fear of success, fear of failure, and fear of judgment are the 3 fears that I find most people struggle with in some capacity.

Hmm.

The thing that I find most people misunderstand about these fears is that the fears itself is not what we're fearful of, but it's the associations that we make about those fears. So failure, for example, no one's really afraid of failure. Failure happens to every single one of us, but it's a story that we tell ourselves about that failure, what that means about us, what that means about our future. It might derail me from getting me to where I want to go. It's not the failure itself, but it's how I feel about the failure, what I think the failure means about me. And the same thing goes for success. A lot of people are afraid of success because maybe they understand that it's going to require a lot more work and they don't want to step into that next level of life. And they know that where they're at right now is comfy and it's— and it's— they like their day to day. Could be that if they achieve success, the people that they're surrounded by, their friends, their family, are going to look at them differently and your relationships are going to get, going to get messed up. And so I think a lot of the beliefs that people have are just completely— they're not aware of them. And you can't overcome a belief that you're completely unaware of. And so belief drives behavior, behavior drives beliefs, and it just goes right back and it's just a circle. And so if we're unaware of the beliefs that hold us back, oftentimes we are going to live a life as though this is how life is supposed to be. So that's what I have. But keep the questions coming.

So how do we, how do we start to overcome those, those fear, those fears? Like, for example, the fear of success, which some people might say, well, that's ridiculous. I don't have— why would I have a fear of success?

Yeah. Yeah. I, it's funny because I was just on another podcast speaking about this exact thing because it is the thing that I think most people think there's no way you can have a fear of success. But I've experienced it with clients and so I know it's a thing and I've experienced within myself, with, within so many people. Mm-hmm. How do we overcome those fears? I think the first thing is I've seen so much value in coaching because I think that we can't— a lot of the time we are way too close to our problems to overcome the problem, right? It's like you can't see the picture while you're in the frame. It's really hard to see that. So the same thing goes for our problems. If we're not able to take a look, an objective look at our fears, It is our reality. That is, that is what life is. So I think a lot of the time it's getting really intentional questions asked your way to help you get to the answers that you have for yourself. Because that's one thing I think a lot of, especially coaching, a lot of people misunderstand is that coaches have all the answers. And I continue to, continue to reinforce it. I don't have the answers, but I definitely have the questions. And I'll ask you a lot of questions that, because you have the answer and we'll get down to it if we ask enough questions to get there. So I think Hiring a coach has been the most impactful thing for me because it also holds me accountable. I'm investing into myself. I'm showing up in a way that I wouldn't show up otherwise. And that could be through journaling, that could be through meditation, could be through going for a walk and just asking yourself more intentional questions. But if we're always looking outside of ourselves for the answers, we're never going to get them. But if we ask— if we're asked questions or we ask the questions ourselves, we'll realize that we have a lot more— we have a lot more agency than we think.

Yeah, well, you made a good point about hiring coaches, um, because when I first got into this, I, I mean, I, I was like, I didn't really understand what a life coach was, to be frank. I knew I wanted to help people. I knew I had some wisdom to help people.

Yeah.

Um, but I think a lot of people think, well, coaches are— I'm gonna go to coach and they're gonna, they're gonna have the answers to like, should I quit my job or should I do this, or, you know, how— and it's like, no, we're more Like helping you turn within, helping you to, to understand that the answers that you have are within you. And I find a lot of times it's kind of, we were talking about our, to this point is helping people reframe, to reframe about what life is all about, to reframe their own abilities.

It can be the reframe the story that we're telling ourselves about the situation that we're in. A lot of the time our suffering doesn't come from the situation, but it comes from the story that we tell ourselves about the situation. Right. So if we're in a problem that we're dealing with, I was at a Lewis Howes event, like I said before, in Ohio last year, and he used this example of if you're a fly going against a window and you're just smashing against that window, smashing against that window, but you go a little bit to the right and the window's open, but you're still smashing that window because you don't— you're not able to really step outside of yourself and see that there's a path right there. So as coaches, we don't have the answers. We're not going to give you the answers. May give you a little bit direction and help you move towards the answer that you have. But you have the answer. And going back to what you said earlier about imposter syndrome, I think that's one of the biggest reasons that coaches struggle in the beginning with imposter syndrome is because they feel they have to have all the answers to work with the client when you don't. And I've realized that and I'm very grateful I accepted that.

Yeah, I think I know that's true for myself. You know, when I first started doing this and I was like, you know, people are going to be looking to me for answers and after you do it for a while, you realize the answers are within the client. And you're just helping them bring it out. I think we do serve a valuable thing, but it's, it's as a sounding board. And I, again, I tell people I'm, I'm a cheerleader as much as I am a coach, because I find so many people are so down on themselves. They do have these limiting beliefs, limiting beliefs about themselves, and limiting beliefs about, about life. And your story, your life is a great example of— we could, we could take it, you could say I'm a victim, you know, I haven't been, I haven't been given anything. You know, I lost my father at an early, early age, you know, I'll, I, and you could, you could wallow in that and say, and that could be your excuse to not do anything, or you could do the opposite, which is what you've done.

Yeah, it's the, um, the story of the, the alcoholic father that had two sons. One son ended up becoming an amazing businessman, and the other person, the other son ended up using the, his father as an example for why he didn't go anywhere in life. It's like Responsibility is one of the things that is one of the most terrifying things to do, but one of the most invigorating things that you can do in your life. And if you're able to take responsibility for all the failures and all the successes, then life's completely up to you. And life doesn't have a pull and push you over all the time because at the end of the day, it may not be your fault, but it definitely is your responsibility.

Yes. And I, I like what you said there, and I want you to expand that a little bit if you could, because people sometimes hear responsibility and they'll say, well, you're saying it's my fault. Are you saying I'm to blame for where I am? You know, but tell, tell people what it means to take responsibility.

Yeah. I mean, I think of schooling, right? I think of schooling. I think of the trauma and baggage that we got taken from our parents. I spoke with an intergenerational trauma expert on my podcast a few months ago, and she was talking about how 7 to 14, um, like our parents and, and our grandparents and every, like, there's so many places that our trauma comes from that we had no role in. We had no— we had no play. We had no way of overcoming it. It's, it's in us regardless. So it may not be our fault that we're dealing with X problem, but it's still our responsibility to address it and overcome it and face it. And everything else in life— it wasn't my fault that I lost a lot— every man in my life growing up. But it's my responsibility to go figure out more ways to get in touch with my body and to get more in touch with myself and my feelings and not be so stoic because I felt like I needed to be to be safe when I was younger. Same thing in everything else in life. It may not be your fault, but it is definitely your responsibility. And that's something I've been repeating and repeating year after year, and it's definitely served me and my clients well as well.

Yeah, and just as you were saying that, and I've heard this many times before, but it just occurred to me, it's in the word response. It's, it's how we respond to things. It's, it's not that we created the circumstance, but we can choose how we respond to those things, and we, we do choose how we respond to those things. And it sometimes feels harsh to people when I tell people, it's your choice. You know, when it, when it comes to dealing with your grief, it's like you can choose to find a story in it. You can choose to use it to motivate you. You can choose to believe that there's a purpose to it.

You—

those are choices. They're not something that's thrust upon you. Or you can choose to believe that the universe is a cold, hard place that doesn't care about you. That, that is actually a choice.

I think the, the idea that you can decide is one of the most powerful things in the world because not, not deciding is a decision in itself, right? So when people think that it's like, okay, I'm gonna let life happen to me, that doesn't— it's, uh, Derek Sivers. Do you know who that is by chance?

I've heard the name. I'm not familiar with him though.

Uh, the idea of Hell Yeah or No is a book that he wrote and plenty of other amazing books. The reason I bring him up is I had a podcast with him, uh, probably last year now, and he talks about the idea of, um, it doesn't have to be true as long as it's useful. I'll put that into perspective. So it's useful, not true. So if you believe you're not a confident person, that might be true. You might not have any evidence to reinforce why you should believe you're a confident person. But if it's useful for you to believe that you're a confident person and you show up better for your relationships and you show up better at work and you show up better in different scenarios and it's useful for you, take on the belief. If you take on the belief, it will eventually become true. It doesn't have to be true yet, but if it's useful for you, it doesn't have to be true because eventually it end up will— it will be. And so the same thing goes for deciding to take responsibility. It may not be true that it's your fault, it may not be true that whatever it is, but taking responsibility for it is going to serve you, and not doing it isn't going to serve you.

Yeah, well, I, I think, um, I think things have to be true and useful, and to a certain extent. And like, going back to the example of being a confident person, sure, I may not feel like I'm a confident person, but I can choose to act like a confident person, and that, and that becomes true. And then eventually I become a confident person. And also the thing about like facts, it's how we look at them. And I was, I was interviewing a guy, was his mother had passed away And he was saying that, okay, the feeling that the story was telling himself was, I didn't spend enough time with her. I could have been a better son. I should have been there more. That's one story. The other story is I spent as much time with her as I could. You know, I did what I could do. I'm a human being. And the facts were true. He spent X number of hours with her. He lived out of town. The facts didn't change, but the story we tell ourselves Both of those stories are true, and we can choose which one we want to internalize. So when it comes to, you know, we talk about circumstances— when something happens to us, we can choose how we look at it. We can't— we don't get to change the objective facts, but we get to change our perspective.

Absolutely. And it— that's why I'm so excited about, like, the stories that we, that we tell, right? And at the end of the day, it's like whether it's a circumstance or it's ourself or it's life in itself, everything comes down to your specific preconceived perception of what it is. Because, yeah, I mean, two people can go and see the same movie and have two completely different experiences because they have a different perspective on it. Right? So we're all, we're all going through life with different colored glasses on. And if we're able to recognize that and just tell a different story, life would be just much more just an amazing place. And it already is. Like, we're already living in heaven. Heaven is this world. But that's a story at the end of the day.

Yeah, well, that's a great example too, the, the world that we live in, because I hear so many people saying that the world's terrible, things are bad and getting worse. And I'm like, yes, if you choose to look at it that way, you can find things that are getting worse. But also, poverty is down. There's not as much war as there used to be. Child, you know, children, you know, life expectancies are going up. All these things are actually, you know, better than they were before. We can choose how we look at it. And it's not being Pollyanna to say that, you know, I can be successful and I can be confident in all those things. You can be if you decide to be.

Yeah, absolutely. It really is. Again, going back to what you said earlier, it's a choice. And I think a lot of us think that if we give up our choice, uh, or if we, if we don't allow, if we don't make the decision, then life will end up working in our favor of some sort because we're letting life happen. But the reality of it is when we take responsibility and we actually choose to take responsibility for all the negative and the positive and the good, the bad, that's when life really starts to happen in our favor because we take responsibility for all of it. But that's the thing. We have to take responsibility for all of it, not just the good.

Yeah. So James, let me ask you, what is the, what's the one belief that you're working on now?

The one belief that I am unlearning is that I have to accomplish things to know that they're not gonna bring me what I want. What I mean by that is there's this idea of hedonic adaptation. Once we get to something, uh, it eventually becomes normalized to us, whether it's a job, it's a whatever it may be. And I think the thing that I'm unlearning— and I heard Chris Williamson, a podcaster, talk about this— that he had to get to a point where he achieved a million subscribers or got to whatever it was for him to realize that that's not what he needed. And I'm trying to consistently unlearn the fact that I don't have to get to that point to recognize it's not what I need. I can do that now. And that's why I say the day-to-day is what I really care about, because if I'm so ingrained in what I'm doing now, I'm not even thinking about what I want to accomplish because I'm just doing the day-to-day things that make me feel fulfilled.

Yeah, it's brilliant. I think that's really smart because again, a lot of us, we spend so much time chasing, chasing, chasing, and we always— we're always putting that carrot a little bit farther out than where we are. And even when we hit that million subscribers, and you and I, I would say, yeah, yeah, million subscribers, this is great, right? I'd say that now, but I remember when I first started my YouTube channel and I had one subscriber, I thought I'll be really happy when I get to 100. And when I had 100, I'm like, I'll be really happy when I hit 1,000. So now I'm like, okay, don't, don't set that goal anymore because it's never going to— you're never going to hit it. You're never going to hit that number that's going to make you happy. It's got to be that, that internal fulfillment, right? Am I doing the best that I can do? Am I, am I impacting as many people as I can? Or not even as many people— did I impact one person?

Did I, did I take the action and release the episode? Like that. That's, that's what matters because we— I can't control how many people view it. Like when I thought getting to the top 1% in the world of podcasts, it's going to be everything. And then I realized if you just show up enough times, you're going to get there. And then you hit 1,000 subscribers on YouTube and it's like it— whatever you achieve, it's not going to bring you what you need to give to yourself internally. And at the end of the day, that's the thing that I wouldn't say I'm unlearning it, but I'm reaffirming it to myself.

Right. Well, it's, it's easy to get caught up And then, and learning is interesting. We talk about that because it's easy to get caught up in the world around us and the values that the world places on us and the values that it imposes on us and, and what we consider to be, you know, success and all those types of things. And it's funny because sometimes people ask me like, how are things going with my career? Because this is a career shift for me, and it's really easy for me to compare myself to the top 1% of podcasters or to, you know, I don't know, Seth Rogen, or, or to Joe Rogan, I mean Joe Rogan, or, you know, somebody, I'm like, well, I'm not, I'm not Joe Rogan, right? And I'm not, um, in my space, uh, the guy Alex Ferrari, that is Next Level Soul. I'm always like, look, I'm looking at Alex like, I want to be like Alex. But, you know, for my people that, that know me, they're like, well, Brian, you're, you're doing great, you know, you know. And I have every once in a while someone come and say, yeah, listen to your podcast, and I'm I'm always taken aback because it's like really cool when somebody says that. So learning to, to say, being happy with what you have, right? And realizing that we're doing more than 95% of people, as you said, just by showing up, by putting out a couple hundred episodes. Because I'm somewhere around there where you are in terms of, you know, a couple 300 episodes. And when I started this, you know, 4 or 5 years ago, I didn't envision being here.

Me either. Me either. But like, how could we even see where we were going to— where we're going to be in that, in that point? And I think that's one thing too that I think is really important to think about is just because something is, is difficult doesn't mean it's meaningful. So like for a lot of people, like if I— if it's so difficult, then it means something to me. It's worth going after. Or like you said, it's like defining what is success for you, not what is success in the world, like what people see as success, because I think letting go of what you think you're supposed to want and actually go after what you do want is one of the most difficult things in the world because we don't ask ourselves enough, what do I actually want? Not what am I supposed to want? What do other people want for me? What do I want? And I think asking that can be one of the most powerful things just on a day-to-day basis. Like, what do I want right now? And what do I want just in the world? Because otherwise you're just kind of floating through life hoping that I'm going to get to somewhere that someone else wants me to get to.

And yeah, it's not— that kind of goes back to our talk earlier about, you know, people's expectations for you.

People. Yeah.

Saying you should go to college. Or when I was in school, my mother was like, you should become a doctor because you're really smart and you're good at science. So therefore you should be a doctor because that was her, you know, her idea of success. And I'm like, I don't want to be a doctor. I don't want to— I don't like that. I don't want to go to that kind of school. You know, it's like I knew that wasn't for me. And for people, you know, your age or a little bit younger than you are coming out of high school, making that decision, I'm hoping that a lot more people start to say, what fulfills me? What's going to make me happy? And yes, we do have to have some practical considerations, but there are a lot of ways to add value in this world besides getting a bachelor's degree in English or something.

Yeah, I think it's just— and it's tough because if your parents don't support you, it's really difficult to go down a path that isn't college, say for example. But I think trying a bunch of stuff out, just throwing stuff at the wall and see what sticks, because none of us give ourselves the amount of time like to try things. Like a lot of people go to school and they'll do a degree and they'll realize that's not the degree for me, and then they'll do a different degree. But it's like you're learning, you're not doing. And I think we learn so much more when we do stuff, even if it's the wrong way, rather than going to learn something and never even applying it. That's what I don't understand.

Yeah, but we get really fearful about that. I remember my daughter— hopefully she won't mind me saying this— but, you know, she started off college in a certain degree and then realized it wasn't for her, but she felt I'm going to be embarrassed telling people I changed my major, you know. It's because people, people are like, what do you want to be? Okay, how, how fast are you going to get there? You know, you've only got, you know, and we don't give people time to try things, to experiment, to quote fail. But it's not failing, it's, it's learning how not to do something. It might be learning I'm not really interested in this thing I was, I thought I was interested in.

I have something amazing to say about that, and maybe this will, if your daughter's still going through that, she'll resonate with this, or anyone that is like I told you earlier, I was going to become a real estate agent. So I graduated high school, real estate was going to be the path for me because that's a way of generating some kind of income that isn't dedicated on how many hours I work. I spent 6 months, all I did for half a year was focus on the course, take the course entirely online, and I even surrounded myself with the, uh, real estate group in my state because I wanted to be surrounded by them and see what I needed to learn, be around it. So I did everything to become an agent. A few months before I turned 18 to be able to take the exam to become an agent, I decided I'm not doing it and I invest into coaching. I had no idea what a coach was. I had no idea what I was going to do. I thought all of the time that I just spent on, on real estate was completely wasted. But like you said, it's like you're learning what you don't want. And if I didn't go through the 6 months of trying and seeing if I liked it, I wouldn't have realized that it wasn't the path for me. And I would always be thinking, what if? And now going through that, recognizing it wasn't the path for me and stepping into coaching, it was like, okay, I just, I had to go through it. But yeah, we— the sunken cost fallacy of if I do something and then I go all— take, take all this time to learn it and go after it, and then I don't apply it, then it's worth nothing. But you learn so much about yourself in that process, and I think we need to give more emphasis on that because I, I experienced it.

Yeah, that's brilliant. That, that's awesome. Because— and the other thing about the sunken cost fallacy that's so ridiculous is I've already spent, so now I'm going to spend more. And whether it's money or whether it's time or whatever, it's like because I've already spent in something I know I don't want to do. I'm going to put more no, I don't want to do. And then 5 or 10 years down the road, you realize you're in a career that you, you've always hated. So I'm very proud of my daughter for saying this isn't what I want to do and making the switch. And yeah, it cost her another year of college, and it cost us, you know, a few thousand dollars. But that was, that was money well invested because she's doing something now that she's very, you know, passionate about. And she's got more opportunities that she didn't even know existed, you know, at the time. That's the other thing about life is We don't know what else is coming. So we show up for today, we do our best for today. We prepare ourselves for these unknown things that are gonna open up to us in the future.

Yeah, it takes a lot of courage to, to pivot from something. I think that's one thing that a lot of people lean on is if I'm just consistent in this, it eventually will lead to something. But consistency really isn't everything. If you're consistently doing the wrong thing or you're consistently showing up for something that isn't in alignment with you, it's not going to lead you to where you want to go. But I love that. I love that for your daughter as well, because, yeah, you have to pivot. And it's— I could imagine with all the external perspectives of your friends and everything else, it's, it's terrifying to pivot. And that's why I almost like pretty much isolated myself because I was like, this is on me. I'm, I'm just going to figure out what I want to do and forget what everyone else is doing because it's not anything near what I'm doing. So like, I don't know anyone that's an entrepreneur even where I live to begin with. So it's a completely different route. But at the end of the day, your life is for you. It's not for anyone else. And You really have to take that into perspective, that's for sure.

Yeah, I think that's a great way to end. So James, tell people where they can find out more about you. Tell people about your podcast and remind them of the name of it and all that kind of stuff.

Yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much for having me, by the way. It's been an amazing conversation. Um, James Bracken IV on all the socials. Uh, James, uh, B-R-A-C-K-I-N, a lot of people think it's E-N, IV on all socials. And then the You Can Too podcast on Spotify, Apple, uh, YouTube, everywhere you can find it. And, uh, Yeah, thank you so much for having me.

All right, man, it was great having you here today. Have a great rest of your day.

Right back to you.

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