Ep. 142 - The Fight Between Your Ears | Tom Reber

let's first get real with why you're where you're at. And I don't care if this is your business, your relationships, your health, it's all the same, man. What's in your bank account, it all starts with you looking in the mirror, owning your crap is what we call it, where this is not like, I'm not good at marketing. That's a skill set that you can develop, right? I'm talking like the character stuff that's going on inside of you that's keeping you mediocre. And it could be as simple as owning your crap could be like, I'm not a disciplined man. I say that I'm going to do something and I don't do it. I don't get up when I say I'm going to get up in the morning. And that sets the tone for the day. So, let's go all the way back to the foundation and the rebar of this thing, no pun intended, right? The trades, but it's like the foundation of everything is you.

This is the Wealthy Contractor Podcast brought to you by G4 Marketing. Interviews with today's top home improvement entrepreneurs about marketing, sales, money, mindset, and lifestyle. Now here's your host, Brian Kaskavalciyan. All right, everybody, welcome to another episode of the Wealthy Contractor Podcast. This is Brian Kaskavalciyan with G4 Marketing Group, and I have back again one of my favorite guests, Tom Reber from The Contractor Fight. Tom just wrote a new book. For those of you that are watching, you could see the COVID It's called Winning the Contractor Fight. I have my copy here with a bunch of notes in it, highlights and dog-eared all over. And there's a lot here. And so we're going to try and talk about some of the, like, really important stuff that's in here. Tom, Welcome, Brian.

Thanks for having me back, man. Good to talk to you.

You too. So you have been a real busy guy, um, to say the least. Um, you, uh, you want to talk about the, uh, HGTV thing that you're doing?

Oh yeah. Um, yeah, I appreciate that. So a couple, uh, couple years ago roughly, I got reached out to. Somebody's like, hey, I saw your YouTube channel and we think we'd like to talk to you about hosting a TV show, right? And then I deleted the email, you know, and then the same person like would DM me on Instagram and all. And this dude, he was relentless in his follow-up, right? And so long story short, I gave him like, I said, I got 15 minutes, man. And he pitched this idea for a show. And that this production company was going to come up with, and they would shop it to certain networks and things like that. Um, so fast forward, the, the show's called Unfinished Business, where people have a, um, uh, project that they started. It's been sitting there for several years, in some cases a decade or more. It's not done. Uh, and I come in and kind of approach it from a— you know, there's still the reveal and all that stuff that we do on HGTV. Obviously picked up the show We recorded 4 episodes and then, you know, I go in and I basically dig in their mind and their heart and I'm like, what's going on? Why isn't this thing done? Let's bag the excuses and all that stuff. And I have a designer and a GC on the team with me, but I handle most of the, you know, what's between their ears type thing and why this project stalled. And let's, you know, how is that carrying over and affecting other areas of your life? And, um, you know, we— it's supposed to air early 2022 is what they're probably—

you know, so probably by when you're hearing this, um, it should be out. What's it called again?

Unfinished Business.

Unfinished Business. Go and find it on ATV. Um, if you don't know Tom, um If you go look him up on YouTube, Tom Reber, R-E-B-E-R, The Contractor Fight, and you just watch a few of his videos, you'll know exactly why these people came after him the way that they did. He doesn't pull any punches, as we will likely hear today, as we have on other episodes that we have done with Tom. So that is a— actually, what you do on the show with the homeowner is exactly what you do every day with contractors. So let's start with what is the contractor fight?

Yeah, well, listen, contractor fight, uh, to me, when we started the company, was— is the fight between our ears. It's 6 inches of real estate or so, uh, that usually gets us in trouble, keeps us mediocre, uh, you know, jacks with our confidence and all that stuff. And I've just seen in my own life I'm 52, but over and over and over through my life, how important it is to win the mental game. And when you win that territory between your ears, you're pretty much unstoppable with whatever you're doing. You know, so, and I, as a home improvement contractor, painting contractor for many years, and then the thousands of people we've worked with through the years in the fight, it is the number one issue is that self-talk up here, what we believe about ourselves, You and I are totally on the same page with this. We use different language with it, right? But it's— to me, that's what the contractor fight is.

Yeah, absolutely. You know, I, um, it's my belief, and I'm, I'm your— well, I'm a year older than you, and it is my belief after all of this time that 80 to 90% of business success is mindset and only 10 to 20% of it is skill set. Would you— do you, do you think I'm in the ballpark there?

Yeah, dude, I have a meme, I have a meme floating around on Instagram that we put up a couple years ago, I think, and it surfaces every now and then that basically says that business, business is 90% mindset and 10% math. So yeah, you know, or some variation of that. So 100%, man. I mean, you've seen it how many times, right? You get—

oh yeah.

How many times have you seen somebody doing the right things, but they don't have that belief?

Right.

You know, they don't have that self-confidence. They don't have that mojo, and they're doing the right things and not getting the results they want. And then once you take care of that mindset piece, even get it just moving in the right direction, it's crazy how quickly the business success follows.

Yeah. And what's ironic about it is that for me, for a long time, I thought if I just get better as a business owner. If I just sell more, if I just learn more, if I just go to another, uh, a mastermind or another seminar, another book, that's gonna make my business better. And I— and, and when I really started to focus on me and my mindset, everything changed. I mean, everything changed. And I see it every day too with with clients and talking with people. It's, it's funny, you know, you talk about sales and we're going to talk about profitability because like me, you talk a lot about profitability. Um, but it's, it's, you know, everybody's so focused on sales, sales, sales, and sales is very logical. Yeah. You know, it's like I can wrap my head around sales, but then when we start to talk about profitability and making money and taking money home, now it becomes really emotional. And that's where I think a lot of people get stuck. So I think it's interesting, the fight is an appropriate term here. So what are some of the recommendations that you have for people on how to start to think differently? And look, the whole book is about this, but I wanna put him on the spot. I wanna ask him a few questions about, you know, what are some things, what are some practical things that work to help with mindset?

Well, let's first get real with why you're where you're at. And I don't care if this is your business, your relationships, your health, it's all the same, man. What's in your bank account, it all starts with you looking in the mirror, owning your crap is what we call it, where this is not like, I'm not good at marketing. That's a skill set that you can develop, right? I'm talking like the character stuff that's going on inside of you that's keeping you mediocre. And it could be as simple as owning your crap, could be like, I'm not a disciplined man. I say that I'm going to do something and I don't do it. I don't get up when I say I'm going to get up in the morning. And that sets the tone for the day. So, let's go all the way back to the foundation and the rebar of this thing, no pun intended, right? The trades, but it's like the foundation of everything is you and how you think and how you show up. And so, I mean, for me, once I dealt with my crap, I share it in the book, but I rode the short bus for 2 years. I was in special ed and I had a lot of negative self-talk around money and worth. And I thought if you made a lot of money, you were an asshole and all this other stuff. And when I finally decided to walk into the punch and deal with that and own my crap with it, it was amazing how quickly things turned around. You know, what's his name? Oh God. Strategic coach.

Dan Sullivan.

Dan Sullivan. You know, he's always said for years, there's no progress without truth.

Right. Right.

Or you'll have—

All progress starts by— I was— that's exactly what I was saying. All progress starts by telling the truth. Yeah.

And so oftentimes we lie to ourselves and we're like, you know, it's the economy or it's who's in the White House or it's this or that. And anytime you do that, Instead of owning your crap, you become a victim. And victims don't win. Victims don't profit. Victims don't have great relationships. They don't have big bank accounts. And so, everything starts with owning your crap. And then from there, we take an inside approach, inside-out approach. What I should have done in the book and I didn't do is I should have drawn a diagram. And I need to change, I call it the profit path and I need to call it the profit circle. Because I want you to picture a circle. In the center of the circle is leadership. Who I am as a leader. How am I going to show up? And the next ring is the intentional culture that I want to create. How do we want to roll here? You know, I think of the New England Patriots, like their mantra there is, you do your job. That's their culture. Like it is expected. It's not just hanging on the walls. You do your job. And then, then from there, it's employee satisfaction. Let's feed our team, coach our team. And then a satisfied employee creates a loyal employee. And then the next service or part of the circle is a loyal employee creates a more productive employee, which does better work is the next circle and higher quality. And higher quality satisfies your clients. And now you have a loyal client. Now you have a profitable business. That's how I should have diagrammed the thing out. So, I'll have to revise the path and change it to circle because And it was funny, man. I've been teaching this for years, and it dawned on me after the book printed that, wow, this is like an inside-out thing. This is— yeah, because what do we normally do, Brian? You know, most contractors, they're not profitable, they're not making a lot of money, whatever it is. They're stressed out, they're stealing time, money, and memories from their families, working their asses off. And to fix it, they go, I got to do better quality work. I hear that all the time from contractors. They're craftsmen. And then the other thing I hear is, I got to make my customers happy. And those are actually down out more outside of the circle. Everything starts with you. So that's, that's the crash course on what—

I love it. No, it's great. It's great.

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So, um, one of the things that you talk about in here is, uh, get oxygen. It's one of your— it's one of your things and one of the chapter titles. And again, this is somewhere where you and I are completely aligned, but tell us, what is oxygen?

Yeah, well, in short, it's, uh, it's money. So, how many of us, and I'm raising my hand if you don't see me now, for many, many years, I made sure everybody got theirs and I didn't get mine. Millions of dollars flowing through the business and I'm the one stressed out about money. That's a problem. And, you know, the overused but beautiful example of the mask in the airplane comes down, right? You put yours on first so you're good to the person next to you, whoever it is. And in the book, I share a little bit of like what happens to our brain when we don't have oxygen, you know, and how we do stupid stuff. And it's really unhealthy. Well, it's the same for us in our business. And this is not being selfish. This is not being some corporate ogre who doesn't care about their people and this and that. But if it takes a certain amount of grit, toughness, commitment, staying power, all that to run a business, and I'll tell you what, it's easier when you have money. And so, I will never be as strong as I can be as a leader if I'm not first taking care of me and my family's needs. Amen. And so, because I don't know about you, but when I'm broke, when I've been broke, I make worse decisions because—

Horrible.

Based out of desperation and things like that. But when I'm making money, and listen, I've had it where we were coaching a guy, he's got a couple million dollar business. Service business and this and that not too long ago, and he's just not making the money. He's stressed at home and this and that. And he's like, what do I do? And one of my coaches in one of our group calls, and I thought this was spot on, he says, you need to put the tools back on and get your ass back out there and work with the crew, make some money, raise your gross profit, and feed your damn family. Yeah, like, and it's a short-term thing because everyone's in a hurry to get out of the field. But if you ain't making the— if you're out of the field and you don't have oxygen then, you know, consider for a time dialing your shit back in. And but make sure at the end of the day, if you're tired and worn out from a workday, make sure at least you get paid, right? So, and that, that was a game changer for me when one of my mentors years ago was like, dude, you got to take care of you, and it's not selfish. Um, and again, I'm not saying don't pay your people, don't pay your bills, and all this other stuff, but Damn it, pay yourself.

Well, you know what's interesting, and you touch on it in the book, is people are not a lot of times consciously but subconsciously afraid to make more money because of all— there's a whole bunch of reasons. People won't like me as much, my family's going to look at me funny, and blah, blah, blah. Can you talk a little bit about that? How do you overcome it?

Everyone's a critic, man, you know, and it's, uh, when I've been criticized for being all in on the gas pedal, growing my businesses and career and things like that, and anytime somebody has criticized me, the first is I considered the source, and every single one of them is usually broke.

Yeah.

Okay. Um, or why can't you just be happy with X? You know, and I think the minute— there's a guy named Ben Newman. He's my coach that I work with. He works with Alabama football and K-State and a bunch of NFL guys. He's a performance coach. He talks about don't be seduced by success. The minute you think that you've arrived is when you're going to start going in the tank. And so, you know, I have a thing that we say here in the fight, it's mediocrity dies today. I'm not going to settle for making just $250 grand in my pocket or whatever it is. I think it's our duty to continue back to the leadership piece, you know, is it's my duty to continue to invest in me as a leader and get better and develop a stronger culture and satisfy my employees and coach them. And it keeps growing because it's a benefit to everybody, not just me. So, that's the first thing I consider the source. The second, with those who might criticize your desire to do that. Listen, life's hard, but it's a lot less hard when you have money. And if I have 99 problems, I don't want money to be one of them. Right? So, and I just think it's, Brian, I also think how you get through that is you start hanging out with different people too. Like you and I have conversations. I read your book, I read mine, I listen to your podcast, I listen to somebody else's shit. The people I choose to get on a plane plane and go hang out with for a few days are people that are winning. And winning is contagious. That mindset is contagious. So, who you hang with also, in the beginning, you start trying to fight this contractor fight between your ears, it could be lonely, man. And that's where the community that you're a part of is so important. That's why you go to your event that you have down there and people join our programs or whatever. It's to remind yourself that you're not on an island.

Yeah. And that's— so there was two really, really important points in there. One was that, is that as entrepreneurs— I actually just wrote an email about this— as entrepreneurs, we really are the loneliest people on the planet. Nobody gets us. I can't even say it that loud. I'm in my office. They don't understand us. We're strange. We're different. And to find others that are like us, it's— wow, it's all of a sudden exciting. And it's— and so that's really, really great advice. Change the people that you're hanging around. The other thing, if I could say, about the whole money thing, from my experience, if you were an asshole when you didn't have money, you're an even bigger one when you get some. If you're a good person you know, and you know who you are, and you get money, you just— you're still you right now. You just have some more money. This has been my, my observation, because I grew up with parents, you know, beautiful people. But there was us, and there was them. You know, they're different than we are. And so that's, that's, that's— I won't go all What do they say?

Money's an amplifier.

It's an amplifier.

Exactly. I mean, dude, listen, I want to say this too. And those who might be entrepreneurs and business owners that are struggling with this, or those who are listening and might be an employee and you think entrepreneurs and business owners are just assholes. Okay. Like you said, it's who you were before. Right? But dude, I very, very recently was able to give a member of my team in the fight who works for me, who's worked with me, in 2021 alone, just 2021, we're recording this in November, and basically since July of 2021, so July to November, what's that? 5 months, 6 months, not even, okay, 4 months, about $40,000 raise. This year. Yeah. Okay. You think that doesn't move the needle and change somebody's life? And that's some props I want to give to those of you that own businesses. Like, guys, I know you're in this for the right reason. You're not in this just to cash a bunch of checks, have a fucking boat, and just be left alone and be an ogre. You want to change the world. You want to impact people. Well, back to my profit path. Okay. I got to take care of my team first. Yes, we take care, but that person on my team, You think that when they show up in front of our clients now and on their stage each day, whatever they happen to be doing, you don't think that because I'm the leader I'm becoming and I'm creating that culture and I'm really doing what I can to satisfy them, and it's more than money, other ways we do that, but you don't think they're going to show up better for our clients and deliver a higher value service and coaching and product and all that other stuff? So listen, there's a lot of, you know, I'm to the point now, man, that I'm like, my number one goal of making money is so I could share it with others and give it away and impact other people and help my team. I mean, dude, I have a thing on my, I have a thing called my standard. It's how I live my life. And every day I go through, it's part of my mental thing, you know, and right here, one of my affirmations, I am giving away $1 million a year. Like, it's, it's right there.

It's there.

So, and I think most of us are like that.

Yeah, I, I could not agree more from my experience. Couldn't agree more. Let's talk, actually, you know what, so let's talk about a hot topic. So I was just at— we're recording this in November, you guys are going to hear it a little bit later. But I was just at Qualified Remodeler Top 500. And, um, there was a lot of talk about leadership, and you brought up leadership. And so let's talk a little bit about— you're a Marine, right?

Yeah.

So what is leadership to you? What does it look like in a— in— for yourself and for a home improvement company?

Well, I think you go back to the simplest definition that I believe it was John Maxwell that came up with years ago. It's influence. You know, leadership at its heart is influence. So, it doesn't matter really what your title is or anything like that. You can have influence. And so, I was a force for not so much good many years as a leader with that hard-ass blue-collar construction style. You know, I got a Marine Corps dude and it was like, You talk about having to deprogram a little with the intensity, right? So for me, it's influence first and foremost. And then I think one of the greatest things that I learned through the years, many experiences, and I'll take this to the grave unless something better comes along. I believe the greatest thing that we can do as a leader is we can make the people on our team feel safe. To be themselves, to feel believed in, that I have your back. I mean, I have a planning meeting that I'm taking my team to next week in Houston. And the whole— we're planning, we're optimizing some of our systems. Okay. I'm not the guy to do that, but I'm there to lead the charge. And I got other people that are kick-ass at that, but I'm going, what's my role at this meeting? My role at this meeting is to make sure that they know I'm in this for them, that I want them to get better. I'm spending 30 minutes a week with each person on my team, my core team, coaching them towards their goals in their life and in their career and this and that. So that, you know, and dude, we have such— and I'm going to brag on our team right now that we have such a— it's not perfect, but we have such an environment where we could just tell each other what's ever on our mind. And I think if you're an owner, a leader, a foreman of any kind right now, Shit. Even if you don't have those titles, you're a parent, you're a spouse, you're a football coach, whatever you are, create that environment where people can be themselves, that they know that you give a crap about helping them be that best version of themselves. And I swear to you, they will go into battle for you. I had heard recently that once you get somebody's heart and then you get your head, the body will do whatever you want it to do. And oftentimes we just tell people what to do, but we don't have their heart. And this was back to me, this is a recent thing. My plan for our meeting in Houston is the result of some coaching I got recently where I had to own my crap. And I'm like, I love my people. I think I'm above average in the influence that I have on our team. But there's a lot of things about them and their goals and their motivations that I haven't done that great of a job taking time to sit down and go, Brian, where are you going, man? Where do you want to go? How can I help you get there? Why do you wake up every day and come to work and work your ass off for us? What are you trying to get to? Like, I have to do a better job of peeling that back. So you're never done owning your crap, working on yourself as a leader. But to me, it's influence and make make them feel safe.

Wow, it's great. So, uh, last thing, I'm looking at the clock here, but the last thing, not even business at all, but is in your acknowledgments. Tell me a little, tell me about your— I've never asked you about this, and I, I don't know, but tell me about, tell me about your family. He does a beautiful— by the way, the acknowledgments are really beautiful at the end. Um, But it seems like reading this, you have a little bit of an unconventional family. And I don't mean that— I hope that didn't come off wrong.

It's all good.

Tell us a little about, about your family.

Yeah, so my ex-wife and I built our family through adoption. And I have a son, Dakota, who is 21 years old. He serves in the Marine Corps. He's over— he's deployed right now, coming home in a couple— in a few weeks, actually.

Oh, great.

God bless him. We adopted him when he was a day old. And then about 5 years later, we brought my daughter Iris home from China, and she's now 16. And then about 5 years after that, we brought home my other son, who's also 21 now. His name's Tiga, and he's from Haiti. So, yeah, definitely that. And then my My fiancée, Lee, and I, you know, we'll be tying the knot here pretty soon. She has two daughters, Maddie and Noelle. We call her Lexi. And they're just all amazing kids, man. So between the two of us, we have five kids.

Wow.

Super, super blessed to have the relationships that I have there.

So, yeah. Awesome. Well, I'm blessed to have a relationship with you. You're an awesome dude. I love the work that you are doing. If you all want to read a good book and it's beautiful because it's a quick read, it's not 300 pages of fluff. It's, I don't know, like 100 pages of really, really good stuff. Go and get Winning the Contractor Fight. Tom Rieber. You can get it at Amazon and wherever you can buy books.

I tell you what, go to thecontractorfight.com/book. Just pay shipping and handling. We'll send it to you. No additional.

Oh, that's even better. Go get it for free.

Yeah.

Cool. And of course, watch Unfinished Business on HGTV in January. And you will see Tom and go check him out on YouTube and he'll yell at you on, on, on, on YouTube. He'll give you some tough love. But very cool. Thank you, Brian.

Thank you so much, man. I appreciate it.

All right. Thanks. Thanks for listening to today's episode of the Wealthy Contractor Podcast. Let me ask you, did it help you look at your business in a different way? Did it spark an idea or ideas that you you hadn't thought of before? Do you have a list of action items that you can take and implement into your business or your life today? I really hope so. If it did, I'd like to ask you a favor. Would you leave a 5-star review of the podcast? By doing so, you'll help other contractors find the podcast more easily so that we can help them achieve more success, wealth, and freedom. And before you go, make sure you subscribe to the Wealthy Contractor podcast so you get access to the latest episodes as soon as they're available. We're always striving to provide you with great content, so you don't want to miss what's coming up. In fact, if you haven't already, make sure you go to thewealthycontractor.com and get your free copy of my latest book, The 7 Secrets to Becoming a Wealthy Contractor. Just pay shipping and handling, and I'll take care of the cost of the book. And finally, a big thanks to G4 G4 Marketing for sponsoring The Wealthy Contractor Podcast. For over 12 years now, G4 Marketing has been the secret back office relationship marketing team for hundreds of home improvement and home service businesses just like yours. You get the customer and our proven system turns that customer into 5-star reviews and profitable repeat and referral business. If your home improvement or home services company completes at least 10 jobs per month, they have a solution that will work for you. To find out more, sign up for your free, no-obligation, 10-minute discovery call at www.gfourmarketing.com/strategy. That's gfourmarketing.com/strategy. Set your discovery call up today and they'll help you set your business up for long-term profits and success. So until next time, this is Brian Kaskavalciyan.