You keep dating emotionally unavailable people because you are one. The speaker traces this pattern to childhood, where love was conditional on good behavior and emotions got punished. Recognizing these roots lets you become available yourself and attract different partners.
So she's dating guys who are emotionally unavailable. The first thing she needs to look at is, in what ways am I emotionally unavailable? Because you are what you attract. So if you are only going for people, and at the same time you feel icked out, you get the ick from guys who are emotionally available, who really want to be with you, who could give you all that support that you want, and instead, you're only going after those guys. Okay, in what ways am I emotionally unavailable? And if you dig deeper into that, a lot of the times it comes down to, I am scared of being hurt. I am scared that if someone sees the real me, then they'll leave. Where did that fear come from? Oh, well. When I was growing up, the only time my parents showed me love was when I was behaving a certain way and when I was acting a certain way. The rest of the time, if I was too emotional, they would. They would be mad at me, they would reprimand me, they would tell me I was being too dramatic, I was being too much.
