Ep. 17: The Truth About Unhealthy Work Environments with Alexis Becerra

I just was like, how does this make sense? Like, I've been doing everything, quote unquote, society says is right, and none of it was working.

None of it. Welcome to the Prosperous Woman Podcast. I'm Claire Sellers, a business mentor and coach who is absolutely obsessed with helping you create the business of your dreams and your most prosperous life. Tune in for inspiring Conversations with extraordinary women that will propel you towards becoming a prosperous woman. Welcome everybody. I am so, so, so excited to have my incredible, amazing client Alexis here. Alexis, welcome to the show.

Thank you, Claire. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here.

Yay! I'm so excited to have you, Alexis. Alexis is in her second round of the Dream Accelerator, and she's going to tell you all about her journey, and we're going to dive deep into it. But just on the high level, Alexis is an incredible, incredible therapist, and she has made the transition to leadership coach over the last, I guess, 6, 7, 8 months together, and has built her business from the ground up, overcome a lot of fears, and is literally just soaring. She's booking clients right and left. She's getting on stages. She's doing all the things. And her story is just so inspiring. So Alexis, I'm so excited to just get into it today and the incredible work that you are doing empowering women. So kind of just tell us, like, high level a little bit about you and what you do.

Yeah, awesome. So hi everyone. So I'm Alexis. And so by training, I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist. I have over a decade, almost 15 years working in the mental health field, mostly out of the Bay Area. And so supporting building out one of the largest mental health systems for high school students out in that area. But in the last, you know, few years, as my leadership continued to develop and grow, I really recognized the need for supporting women, especially women of color, as they continue to evolve in their leadership. And so that's what has led me into utilizing my skills as a therapist, but incorporating them into leadership coaching. for Latina professionals.

I love that. And I— one thing I've loved about you is that, like, and we're going to get into this, like, your mission has always been so clear, and I think that's because of your journey. So, you know, one of, one of the key moments when, you know, we were building out your brand and really talking about your business, one of the moments that I remember you taking us back to, and this is on your website, is you know, you having this kind of knees-on-the-floor moment in the ER and, you know, realizing that doing it all right, you know, as the, the lead mental health therapist in this huge school system, it just like, it was killing you. So what was the— take us back to that moment and what was like the turning point that helped you decide like things have got to change?

Yeah, you know, it's, it's, it's really crazy and I guess You keep hearing it more and more how your body really is telling you like what's going on. And by this time I had spent almost about 2 years in and out of doctor's appointments really trying to figure out what was going on. My blood work was crazy. My doctor was worried about my heart health. I was getting these flare-ups of like hives all over my body. Couldn't figure, couldn't figure things out. They essentially were really worried. They're like, you could be on the verge of having like a heart attack. And in the moment you're kind of like, okay, but I'm doing everything you're telling me I'm doing right. Like they told me, okay, make sure you're getting at least 2 hours of exercise every day. Make sure you're, you know, eating healthier, reduce carbs, reduce like alcohol, reduce like all these things, sugars, etc. And— Yeah. I was. I did 2 hours of boot camp. I would make sure I was walking every day. I was eating healthier. I did everything they asked. And I ended up in the ER because I was essentially having like a nervous breakdown and my body was full of hives and we couldn't, we couldn't get them under control. And at that point, my doctor was just like, You're done. You're done. She's like, this isn't anything you're doing at this point. It's what— it's your environment that you're in. It's the work that you're doing. She was like, you've given so much of yourself, at what cost? And it was really her telling me like, you're done. And I just was like, how does this make sense? Like, I've been doing everything quote unquote, society says is right. And none of it was working. None of it.

That must have been very hard to hear.

Yeah, absolutely.

And also maybe relieving. So when you heard that, what did you do? What happened?

It was probably one of the hardest things. Like, I just, I broke down and started, oh, I'm getting emotional talking about it. Like, I broke down and started crying because I was just like, there was this sense of like I couldn't take care of myself enough and I was at the risk of— like, I honestly had this feeling like I'm going to go to sleep one day and never wake up because I felt my body was in that much chronic stress and I couldn't figure out what to do. And it was truly my job and the work I was doing, everything I was holding. Mm-hmm. And you think of all these things like, how do I pay for my bills? I'm a single girl who lives in the Bay Area in San Francisco, one of the most expensive places in the world. You know, it's like, how am I going to pay for my bills? I need health insurance. I need all these things that come with your job. I felt as if I had failed myself. I truly did. I felt like I had failed myself and not taking care of myself enough. And I didn't know how else because I was doing everything they told me to do.

Yeah. And I think that's something, you know, so many people listening, they might be in that place now, you know, where they're like, I'm doing the 10,000 steps a day. I'm, you know, drinking the 5 liters of water. You know, I'm not eating sugar. I'm not drinking. And it's just like, I can't. It's not enough. You know, like, I still feel like I'm just just absolutely drowning. And, you know, right when you and I met, you had made some pretty drastic decisions in your life beyond just career, but also geography. So talk us through, like, because I mean, this was like a major, you know, it's what I call kind of like the breakdown, knees on the floor moment, like, God, what do I do? So you made at least 2, maybe more very big changes. So what did you do?

Yeah, it was— I totally think it was that type of moment where I literally was like, please help me see the light because I don't know what to do next. And I am terrified because I don't know what's going to happen. And I'm so scared that I can die. There was just this huge moment where I knew I was like, I need to get away from here. I had this like deep calling that I needed to be in the jungle somewhere. I was like, I just need to be away. I'm a big hiker. I like to be outside. California is known for that. So I was always outdoors, but it wasn't giving me like the nourishment that I felt my soul needed.

Mm-hmm.

And, you know, honestly, so my dog of 16 years passed away that summer and I think, things all happen for a reason because then it's like, okay, it's the first time in my whole life that I don't have to take care of anyone or anything else besides me. That's it. And so I really came to this moment of looking around my place and thinking, all this can be replaced. All of it. It's just material. You know, I, I've come from nothing. And I've been, quote unquote, thriving in the Bay Area. Like, people, I've made it. Why can I not make it again? And so I decided that I was going to leave. I gave like a 2-month notice and started selling and packing up everything and— Didn't tell very many people. I kept a lot of it to myself, just my closest friends, because I knew they'd come send the police looking for me. And I left. I left. I went to— well, I should say I came because I'm in Colombia. I came to Colombia. I did some deep, deep healing retreats. And then I backpacked for about 2 months and I really let my soul and my heart lead me where I needed to go. Because for me, it wasn't traveling, it was really finding peace and healing.

Mm.

And so I wasn't doing all the tourist things that people would usually be doing. I spent a lot of time in the mountains. I spent a lot of time resting, a lot of time in hammocks. Really, really just slowing my life down and feeling again, truly feeling.

I'm so glad you said that because I think, well, I mean, there's so much in there. One, before we go into the feeling part, I want to talk about that. How did you find the courage to put in your notice? Because this is the moment where, and honestly, like, you know, you came into the Dream Accelerator having already ripped the Band-Aid off. A lot of the women inside, and you've witnessed them, over the last two rounds, a lot of the women end up ripping the Band-Aid off once they join and, you know, leaving their jobs if that feels aligned for them. Like, and a lot of people listening, I know, I know you guys, you're, you know, sitting in these jobs and we're going to get more into kind of like why was the burnout so bad and so just intense. But how did you find the courage to say like, I'm out.

Yeah. Um, I mean, I'm known for doing things like that the average woman doesn't usually do. You know, I think that's, that's something, you know, I've, uh, solo traveling and, um, you know, ending a 16-year relationship, which was— most people would have stayed in just out of comfort. For me, it was— I, I really it was do or die. It was really a do or die kind of moment. It's like, I can continue this and I know what's happening and what I'm getting into. And I was getting job offers. Like once people knew that I was getting ready to leave, people were reaching out to me, offering me top, you know, pay. But I was like, I could jump into something else and still feel like shit, or I can do something. Like I really knew I needed to heal. Like I was like, I have to get away from this. I have to get away from, the chaos, being around this space that is a constant reminder of everything I've done, but also everything that doesn't feel right anymore. And it was my life mattered. My life mattered. My life mattered more than the money. My life mattered more than the work, the people, everything else. My life mattered.

That's like, it's so powerful to hear you say that, especially given the context and the type of women that you're working with now, who, from what I know, they, I think, question that. You know, they question, given the rooms and systems that they've been in, like, does their life matter more than their work, than the money, than the survival, you know, than all these things? And it's just like, it's so— I have chills. Like, it's so powerful to hear you say that. And I just want to ask, like, because I know the answer to this, but on— now that you're on the other side, have you ever regretted that decision of leaving?

No, no, I, I don't regret one bit of it. You know, I had— with my ex and I, we had bought in a home, and so I had this like lump sum of cash just kind of saved in case I— I, in my head, thought I was gonna buy another home. I was gonna— and it really came down to like, do I use this money to take care of myself, or do I keep it with this idea that I'm gonna buy a home, but the reality is the home is still gonna be there if you're not here.

Right.

The money's gonna stay in the bank if you're not here.

Yeah.

And I was like, I've worked so hard, why would I not use this to take care of myself? Like, it didn't make sense. Like, when you really start to think about it, none of that makes sense. And so, you know, it, you just have to do that.

It's so true. It's— it like— and I know that people listening— and I appreciate your vulnerability in this because I think the stories that women come to me with— and I know, you know, you're hearing different stories but similar stories of, you know, when my pension is up, or, you know, I mean, but my 401(k), 401(k), but my health insurance, but you know, this logistic and that logistic. And when my, you know, son graduates high school— and not to say that for some people those are very legitimate and valid and, you know, and they actually always are valid and legitimate. And if you are on empty—

Yeah.

Like, you're not of— you're not able to be anything to anyone if you aren't being something to yourself first. And I think that's just a reminder for everyone. And like, you will never regret choosing yourself.

No.

Even if it feels like the most impossible, insane decision in the world, which it probably did at the time.

Yeah. Yeah. I was terrified. I was like, I'm gonna go through my savings. I'm gonna do, you know, honestly, I had these like crazy irrational fears. I was like, I'm gonna be homeless on the street.

I remember that. I remember literally, I think our first conversation before you had even joined, you were like, I'm just, I'm afraid I'm gonna be homeless. And I, I just remember being like, I've had that thought too. I understand it's so illogical because obviously that wouldn't happen. But our brain, I always say, and you know this from a trauma perspective, our brain can't decipher the difference in being chased by a lion and leaving our job.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's like, I've never been homeless. I have never— my job, my title, all those things will stay with me wherever I go.

It doesn't matter. But in that moment, I was like, I'm going to be homeless.

I'm gonna have no money. I'm gonna be homeless on the streets. Like, it was— Yeah, it was— yeah, I was terrified.

And I just want to validate everyone listening, like, I have literally felt that way too. Yeah, you know, and, and it's, it's hard to explain. And I just want to, in a way, not only validate but also normalize that when you're in the throes of these huge transitions you will have insane thoughts like that, and your brain will convince you that they are very, very possible to come true.

Absolutely.

And this is where, you know, A, having support is just like mission critical, and B, being able to differentiate what is a fear-based thought, what is, you know, a trauma-based thought, what is, you know, what is true, right? And having people around you who can help you decipher that and help reassure you, like, you're not going to be homeless. That's not going to happen, you know, because you will convince yourself of the worst-case scenario. And I think this is why so many women come to me, and you're seeing this too, like, just at the end of the freaking rope, right? And so I think, you know, both of I— both you and I have a joint mission of, you know, helping women before they get to the end of the rope.

Absolutely.

Right, you know, Because it's at that point you have to do what you did, which is this healing journey. You know, you, you were able to really like push pause and almost kind of take this, this mini sabbatical. And I'm so grateful that you did that. And I think that's one of the reasons that, you know, your business is already scaling to 6 figures because you could have, you could literally push stop. And you had that time to just literally— I wrote down what you said, learn to feel again.

Yeah.

That to me was— and I would love actually you to— we're kind of going off script here, but this always happens with me. I want to talk about this because from a therapeutic perspective, and we're going to talk about your coaching business, but I think that this is important to talk about. Like, I believe, and I don't have a therapeutic background on this, obviously, but just help us understand, because I experienced this too when I left my corporate job. And I wasn't, I wasn't in a situation like you by any means. Like, I would, I, I would say I had some burnout, but nothing to the degree of, you know, it's hard to quantify. Of course I was tired and burnt out, but what my bigger experience was is that I stopped feeling. like, by the time I left New York City and kind of being in this crazy hustle, I had to take like a year of just doing different retreats, different therapies, different— I mean, I did everything. And what I was learning to do again was feel. So like, can you just— because I'm sure a lot of people, you know, I call it numbing out. Like, now I very consciously numb out, you know, like, I watch 90 Day Fiancé for 3 hours and I scroll on my phone and I'm like, I just need to numb out and I just let myself do that. But at least I know what I'm doing. And I think for most of my, you know, 20s and early 30s, I was doing that as a way of survival. So, like, what is that when we feel numbed out and like we can't feel like what's happening in the body?

I mean, we're definitely in survival mode. I mean, you know, most of these systems are truly built on very masculine energy, right? And as women, and we're trying to like navigate these spaces, you start to channel that. And we are so connected to our bodies more than, you know, as a woman. And our society tells us different. But it really, for, I think for myself, like I've recognized, and I don't know about you, Claire, but like my days, I would go all day without even going pee. Once. And then it hit me like, oh my gosh, I needed to pee 3 hours ago. But so your mind and your body start to like disconnect in that sense because you had to keep going, going, going. And so you really start to like lose the ability to feel even like natural bodily tendencies because there was no option. It was just survival. Like you're, you're in the absolute survival mode. You're just go, go, go. And so that disconnect. So something as simple as like, I have to go pee. Starts to get put on the back burner. I know many women who work in my field who end up with UTIs all the time because they're in back-to-back meetings, aren't using the restroom, are sitting down, are— which is like basic bodily function. The other thing I noticed was once I started to take breaks, I would— or like took that break, I started to get these waves of heavy exhaustion just like out of nowhere. I would just feel so exhausted and I would have to take a nap or do something. And you know, you tell yourself, why are you tired? Like, why are you— you literally question, why are you tired? You shouldn't be tired. You slept enough. You did this. No, this is truly burnout. And the idea is like, I probably felt like this the whole time, but I never had the ability to give myself a moment to feel my body. because there was no option. You had to keep going and going and going. And so finally giving it this time to rest, you start to recognize like, why am I getting these waves of exhaustion? Wow, I'm actually using my body multiple times a day to do what it's supposed to be doing. So simple things like that. It's really your mind and your body start to disconnect because there's no ability for it to work together because you had to stay in the survival mode.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's, it's so, like, insane. And it's so true. And I love what you said, like, we— the, the modern world is not built for women.

No.

It's just not, you know, like, I don't know any— I don't know, I'll say corporate workspace that is really designed for women to thrive. And the impact of that is we see autoimmune disease and fertility issues and divorce rates. We see all these things happening and everyone's going to the doctor trying to get Band-Aids and like, what's wrong with me? And what's wrong? And pills. And what's wrong is that you're operating in a system that is literally designed not for you.

Yeah. I mean, the fact that you can be in an all-day training and there's like really no break longer than 5 minutes for you to use the restroom quickly, move. But yet you might have women who are breastfeeding and need to take the break to like— there's not even consideration to give people opportunities to use your body because it's really ran from the perspective of a man's lens.

Right. And then what's interesting, and I want to get into this with you, is like then we add the layer of, you know, being a woman of color into the mix, which I can't relate to. And I want you to just speak into that because I, you know, I would imagine that's a whole other layer. It's like we've got women and the world is meant to, you know, not— the modern world is just not in support of us. And then we add a whole other layer. So, like, talk to us about your experience of that and like, what was the impact of that?

Yeah. You know, for me, it was really early on as I took my leadership role where I found myself as the only woman of color in, in, in the spaces. And there's this sense of an empowerment that you're like, I'm here, I, I made it. I'm very proud. And yet there's this immense sense of loneliness because you are by yourself and many of your peers, your colleagues don't understand your experience. I'm first gen, first to graduate from college, eldest daughter of 5. Unfortunately, my parents both fell to substance abuse. So there's all these different layers that I had to overcome to get to where I'm at today. I didn't have things given to me. I didn't have things kind of paved out for me. I knew I wanted to go to college, didn't know how I was going to get there, do it, navigate it, pay for it. And so there's all these things that come with us in this space. And then we know we're representing our people and we are the ones who are advocating. I was oftentimes the only person who spoke a second language in these— in these meetings. So I would see and watch how like translators misconstrued me, like parents speaking. And so I would luckily was able to be like, hey, like, this is not actually what was said. This is what was said, you know. And so you don't realize you're, you're an advocate in so many different levels. I'm an advocate sitting in these admin meetings supporting our people and families, my students and families. I'm an advocate for people of color who are doing the work themselves. I'm an advocate for myself in there and bringing such a different lens. You know, I can clearly recall a moment when there was an incident, police got involved with a student, and it turned into this huge situation. And we went into this meeting, this weekly meeting that we had to talk about students of concern, and nobody wanted to talk about this. Nobody. And the only woman of color at that space brought it up. And later I was talked to. I was told that they felt as if I was, if I was kind of, what's the word, like if I was challenging their authority. And there was nothing challenging about it. It was like, let's have this conversation because this happened. And this didn't just happen to the student because there's people who witnessed it from staff. Other students, and then what harm was caused to this person themselves, and how can we be better? How can we do better? That's where that conversation came from. But they felt it from a threatening perspective, which should never— but here I am, the only person speaking out on this. And so I found myself a lot, and it was very, very difficult to navigate that because then my own emotions are in there.

Right. I mean, just even the weight of that is like, what do you think it is that— because I've seen this in rooms that I've been in where you're right, it is the women of color who stand up, you know, like everyone's silent and it's, you know, the woman of color. Honestly, I've seen this, you know, in my background in education, like over and over and over again. Like, why is that?

Why is it the women of color?

Yeah, like, why are they, you know, why did they feel like, what is, you know, what is the undercurrent there?

I mean, personally, for myself, I can speak on my own perspective. It's, it's my duty. I'm in this role for a reason. I've made it, and I'm not going to adapt to the quote unquote status quo of what everyone else is doing because they're scared, because they don't want to, you know, rock the boat. No, we need to have these conversations. That's what's wrong about society. That's what's wrong is that we continue to allow these status quos to happen.

Right, right.

And I feel like many of us feel like it's our mission to, to change that.

Yeah. And I, I think, and I wanted to ask that question because it's like, that's your business. Like, that was where the genesis of your business, like, and it, it's, it's been just so such an honor to watch this all evolve. But like, when did it click for you? Like, the light bulb really went off? Like, I don't want or need to be in a therapeutic leadership role, but I can actually be in a leadership coach role and I can have more impact and care for myself. Like, how did all of that come together? Because it's what you just talked about. It was like you, you didn't want to do that anymore, but you somehow got clarity on what was on the other side, which I think is, is so difficult. So how did that happen?

You know, I think it was, it was a lot of like really reflecting. I think for myself, it's like you, you grew up not knowing what else is out there, and you truly don't know truly what other jobs and roles and things you can hold. And so you're working in the system and you think this is it. Like, I was making a lot of money, we're 9.5 months out of the year, pension, etc. You've made it. But there was no room for growth. There was no room for growth anymore. There was— they weren't creating opportunities for growth. And I started to truly recognize, like, hmm, I've been doing this leadership coaching for a very long time. When my admin is coming to me and asking me can I coach him on how to talk to parents or in certain meetings? I'm technically coaching someone, you know. I've been doing it with my colleagues. I've been doing it with the mentorees I had. And, um, the biggest thing was I've been personally asked, like, not my bosses, not the district. They were coming to me, like, some national nonprofits that I work for coming to me and asking me to sit on their boards, asking me to be in interviews, asking me. And so there was a real light bulb. It was like, I don't technically need this space, right? Because other people see my value. This place might not see my value, but other people do.

Hey sister, pardon the interruption, but I wanted to drop in with you for a moment. Do any of these sound familiar? You've had a business idea forever, but life keeps getting in the way. Work's crazier than ever. The kids are nonstop and/or maybe dating feels like a second job. How does starting a new business fit into all of that? You're overwhelmed by all the moving pieces, social media, funnels, ads, websites, sales. Ah, where do you even start? Maybe you're scrolling Instagram and seeing others build their dream businesses, making your salary in a month and living their best lives and you're like, Ah. Like, wait, how do they make this so easy? Is this even real? Listen, it's not just possible for them, it is possible for you. How do I know? Because I have helped hundreds of women just like you go from idea to dream business. And I'm so excited to personally invite you into the Build Your Dream Business Challenge. And this 14-day challenge, I'll take you from dreaming about your business, or maybe it's just a tiny little idea that's fluttering in your heart, to knowing the exact next steps to take to start building your future empire. Yes, I said empire, and no, I'm not exaggerating. We start mid-February, and the best part, it's only $22 to join us. So click the link in the show notes or just DM me, dream, over on Instagram @itsclairesellers, and I will shoot you the link. I can't wait to have you on this journey. And you started too. I think that's the piece. Like, I think you realized that it was always you.

Yeah, it was always you.

It wasn't about the container, it was you. It wasn't a, it was literally like, you know, and this is why I always say, like, you are your business, you are the strategy, like, you are the magic, you know, that people want. And I think something clicked inside of you where you were like, oh my God, like, I can do this outside of these, you know, four walls systems, you know, and, and I can actually do it in my way where I'm not covered in hives.

Absolutely. Or denied, like, anything. Like, anything I was advocating for, anything, there was always this, like, well, we'll try, but we can't. Well, it's like, okay, well, I don't have to listen to that anymore. Right.

Right. And so how did this— was it always clear to you? Because I remember when we were developing, you know, I feel to me your mission was always clear, but was it always like you knew that you wanted to help Latinas break out of the systems that were no longer serving them. Was that always— were you just always clear on that, or did it evolve?

Yeah, I don't think I was definitely always clear on that. I think for myself, I think when I look back, I was. But I think in the moment, like, even looking back to like the challenge, right, the Dream Clarity Challenge, and going back and seeing those responses, I was like, oh God, I totally know myself way more than I— but in the moment it doesn't feel that way. I, again, I, in that process, it was a lot of trying to figure out, like, because I thought I was always working under my values and missions, and I had been, but those were values and missions that I had from years ago that were no longer with who I was now. And, you know, when I resigned, as it became more clear, because I kept asking, I was like, nobody should have to go through what I went through. Nobody should have to experience from the extreme burnout to even how I was treated by that, that system, you know. And as I became more aware and talking to other people from different organizations and seeing their experiences very similar to mine, it became more and more clear. And I've always worked with helping people in abusive relationships, but it— there was these moments that I was I like, was like, this was abusive, and this is how it was abusive in so many different capacities. Just nobody labels it that way. We label it as burnout, as stress, but nobody talks about how abusive the system is to people because we only talk about abuse in the relation to romantic relationships.

Right.

And so then I was like, no, this is a bigger thing and we need to be talking about it. And I'm not the only one who was struggling in silence. There's so many more other people. As I started to talk to people from— I'd meet people on Insta from Instagram, or random people would connect me to somebody else and connect me to somebody else, and all of our stories were similar. And then I was like, why is nobody talking about this? Why is nobody doing anything? Mm-hmm.

And I remember you having that. It's funny because when I think back, you know, and this is the value of kind of having someone with you over a period of time, you know, I remember, and that's why I said, was it always clear to you? Because to me, like, I was always like, oh yeah, she's gonna do this. Like, she's clear on who she wants to help and how she's gonna help them. But it wasn't clear to you. Like, you, it hadn't clicked in, in you yet, you know? And I think that's something that's very common. And I wonder, like, how did your experience and, you know, the, the trauma of the burnout and the, and all of that, like, how did it, it shakes your sense of self. So I think there was a real reckoning for you.

Yeah.

Where you were like questioning, like, can I do this? Am I qualified? Like, you had such fear around, am I qualified to do this? And that, hearing your story from this angle, it, it sheds light on the fact that that, you know, for so long you had kind of been silenced in rooms and, you know, felt small in rooms. And so it makes sense that you come into my world and I'm like, of course you're qualified, you're a therapist. Like, you've been in training, you're, you know, for a decade. And, you know, you genuinely were like, I don't feel qualified to do this. And, and that was just a story based on a past experience. So kind of, do you mind like taking us into that? Because I think that's something that so many women that come into my world come up against in different capacities.

I think that the biggest thing I've had time to reflect on was being part of that system for so long really chipped away at my, at my self-esteem and my confidence. And to the very end, what my former bosses did to me, it really shook, shook me up. It really, really shook me up and it questioned my abilities in many different capacities. I was hurt. I was really, really hurt. I was really, you know, the burnout is real. It really shakes your sense of self and figuring out what's next because, you know, you're at this, your knees on the ground, this come to Jesus moment. And yeah, it just truly, truly affects your ability. And that's something I've noticed even with the people I'm working with now, like, there's so many qualifications to them, and that sense of self has been chipped away because you're working in an unhealthy relationship— unhealthy work relationship, which is very similar to a woman who is in a domestically violent or unhealthy relationship. This happens. I don't know any woman who hasn't been in some type of unhealthy relationship. And when the person— is telling you what you're doing wrong, isn't, you know, building you up, you start to chip away. This is— it's the same thing. It's the absolute same thing. You're just not in a romantic relationship, but you are in a very serious relationship with your job.

Yeah, it's, it's so true. And I think, you know, you, you actually have— I'm just gonna plug you here— you have a freebie on your website that helps you actually identify this, because I'm sure people listening I'm even myself thinking back to, you know, does that feel true for me? And I think we don't think of it in the same context, but yet, like, a lot of the behaviors are, are very parallel. So for someone listening who is like, is that me? Like, am I in a toxic environment? Like, what do you— what should people be looking for? And what is one step that they can take to start start reclaiming themselves?

Yeah.

Aside from hiring you.

You know, one of the things I remember, I would often leave meetings and question myself, like, mm-hmm, did that really just happen? And so when— if you're really questioning, like, your own sanity, your own ability to make coherent decisions because of the environment you're in, I'd really start to ask somebody else, bring someone else in, because we often will just hold it in and move on with our day. And that's where the struggling in silence comes from. Another thing I picked up on was, um, I'd be in these spaces and there was these very intense heated moments with management, and you didn't know what to do or say, so you just sat quiet. And again, you're losing your voice in these moments. And if you're finding yourself losing your voice, that's happening. Another example is, is your work being stolen from you and are other people taking credit for it? Which happened as well.

Mm-hmm.

And your work is your work. What you brought forward is yours and nobody should be taking credit for this. And so there's these little moments that you don't realize start happening, but just become your day-to-day routine. Which are unhealthy and are chipping away at you. And so definitely seeking support. I'd like— there was times I would ask some of my close colleagues, you know, I was like, did this just happen? And then I started recognizing even themselves, like, are we losing our sense of self? Like, I started to not recognize who I was. Like, I really started to not recognize who I was. I was like, this is not who I am anymore. Like, I was always very happy, very excited about the work I was doing. If you're no longer finding joy there's reasons for this. There's absolute reasons. Don't get me wrong, I loved every day that I walked into my office. I loved walking in, saying hello. I loved my colleagues. I loved my teammates. It was bigger than that though. It was absolutely bigger than that. And that was the issue that I started to recognize. Like, it's not the people I'm— these direct people I'm working with, I love them. It was the system, the management, the directors, everything else that was truly affecting our team.. And I started to not recognize myself, and I noticed that amongst my team as well. We were turning into people that we weren't, and those are things you need to be aware of.

I, I can identify with all of those in a different— my experience was obviously different than yours, but I just know, I think you sharing that is so helpful, and we'll link your freebie because, yeah, I mean, I just don't think people are aware, you know, and And when you said, you know, I had lost my voice, I'm— in my mind, I'm like, if that's happening at work, it's happening at home too, you know. And so your identity at work starts melding into your identity at home. And this is where, you know, we start seeing the parallels happening in relationships as well, um, you know. And it, it just— you spend— I, I forget how many hours, how much of your life 60,000 hours working, you know. So that is, that is like where you're spending more time there than at home.

Yeah. I mean, there was a moment, and I, I know I like, I remember hearing parts of your story as well that really hit me, was there was a moment I was laying on my couch completely depleted of the day, numbed out on who knows what Netflix was on, but don't even know what I was watching. I was like cuddling my dog, and I remember thinking, gosh, I really need a date. I truly need a date. And I just said, I can't even— I can't even, like, take care of myself fully right now. Like, there's no way I can date. And it's crazy to think that you would put on the back burner something that is essential to our lives, like dating, finding a partner, your long-term things like that, for a job. Like, looking back at that, it was just like— never again.

Like, yeah. And I think that we— I think that we— it's the survival instinct of, I need to maintain the lifestyle, I need to be able to support my family, I need to be able to pay, you know. I think a lot of it comes down to financial security, to be honest. Like, worthiness and financial security, it's one, one or the two, or a combo platter, you know. And, and I think that that's so much of the work that I do with my clients is kind of moving past that and claiming the possibility on the other side of that, because it's actually— and I mean, you're living, walking proof of that— like, it's 10x more outside of a system that you— that isn't serving you. When you're out on your own, it just feels so scary to take that leap.

Yeah, yeah, because it all falls on you. But you know what, it has always been all falling on you in one way or another.

In one way or another, yeah. And that's It's a good segue into, you know, during your time in the Dream Accelerator, I've seen you— the biggest thing that has— I've loved watching is just overcoming your visibility fears around, you know, and you're laughing, around sharing your story, posting on social media, doing Face stories, like all these things that you guys see us out on Instagram and we make it look easy, but I'll tell you, like, it's scary to, to get up and going and do that. So like, how did you overcome that, especially given the context of what everybody's heard, you know, of, of what, where you came from and what, you know, you had lost yourself, you had to rebuild yourself. So the visibility was even more, felt even more challenging and even more scary. So like, how did you overcome those visibility fears so that you could really step into your mission? Aside from me. Aside from me, you can do this. Just do it.

I feel like I'm still getting over that to some capacity. And, you know, I think as a therapist, it's really a mind shift because we're taught to really keep a lot to ourselves, you know, not really share a lot about our stories. It's really like in that space is really with our clients. So you really do internalize this idea like, okay, like how much is too much? And I have my private Instagram that like my family and friends, they all know who I am, know the things I've done. They know who I am. But now it's like having to show the world. And like when you're seeing that thousands of people see your reels or have— you're like, who is seeing these things? Like what's going on? And there was also this fear of it's really happening, honestly. Yeah. That was really—

it was like, that was it.

Like, it's really, really happening. And I mean, even like posting on LinkedIn for the first time. Oh yeah, that was huge for me.

That was a big moment. I remember getting that message. It was like, it was, I feel like it was like 9:00 PM here and, and I saw you in the Telegram group. I just posted on LinkedIn and I usually don't go in the group late at night, but I was like, OMG. And everyone in the group was like, yay.

Yeah. Yeah. And And I've just gotten like really great feedback, but there's a lot of fears of like, okay, like I'm really owning this space. Like I'm really owning this authority. I'm really owning my— No going back. Yeah, there isn't going back. Like somebody's gonna see it and somebody has heard it and there's, but there wasn't any going back. Like I wasn't gonna go back and work for one of these, you know, I had already decided that like this, there is no other going back, but— Yeah, that visibility and now owning my authority in this and owning my, my intellectual knowledge and my years of experiencing experience, like it's completely owned by me now. It's not owned by a district or another agency or something. Like it's me, it's all me.

Yeah. And how do you feel like the Dream Accelerator helped you create this business and over— I mean, And I have even more context after this conversation. Like, you had a lot to overcome. This was layered.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I think for me, you know, from, from the, like, the foundation of the Dream Accelerator, and I just always think to like when I messaged the group and I was like, I'm really struggling. This is the third, fourth time I've read the thing on the values. And I thought I knew my values. And you said something in the sense of like, if your values were still aligned, you wouldn't be in this place right now. You wouldn't be questioning all these other things. And I was like, oh shit, that's a great— that's a great response, you know? But— and it was right. It's— and I had to truly go down below the layers to figure out who am I now, not who was I 10 years ago and the work I've been doing the last 10 years. Who am I now and why does this matter? Why am I here now? And, and so I think, you know, really building on that foundation and figuring out your, your why and how that's going to happen.

Mm-hmm.

What's that gonna look like? And the community, honestly, like I've loved having the community. It's been great to see like the girls from last round to this round grow and how much we've grown in different capacities. And so, it's like you can't and you shouldn't be doing this by yourself. You just shouldn't.

Yeah, I think back to just how lonely it is in those early days. And this is why I created the program, because I'll never forget, I'm sitting in a moldy basement in Mexico City, petrified that I'm going to be homeless. So I'm paying $500 a month And, you know, I remember it took me about 2 weeks to find my first group program because I just was like, this is— if I do this alone, this is not— A, it's probably not going to happen, and B, it's not going to go down well, you know? And I think that having spaces where you feel safe to come in and say, like, I'm scared, I feel like this isn't working, it's not gonna work, work. I'm petrified to post. And you have literally a team of women saying, like, you can do it, or just saying, like, I'm just coming in this morning to say I'm going to post on Instagram. I'm saying it here so that I do it.

Accountability.

You will talk yourself out of it. You will talk yourself out of it. And I think that is something that I'm so passionate about creating, and I know you're passionate about creating. With your clients. And I just feel so inspired by what you do. And I love helping you amplify your voice and amplifying your mission. And I know everyone listening is just so inspired by you and your story. And I'm just grateful that you were willing to share with us today.

So thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Claire. Yeah, it's been a journey. It's not even a year in, and it's It's been pretty wild.

It's been wild. I've loved every second of it. You are just such a dream client and I just love, love, love working with you. We're gonna link your freebie 'cause I think every— everyone should probably just go ahead and download that.

Yeah. Yeah. I know, I know it says it's like geared towards Latina professionals because that's generally, so it's in the language for, but anybody can—

But anyone, anyone can download it. And I just think that that's like a helpful thing so that you don't get to the ER with the hives, you know? Like, Let's get ahead of the curve. So we'll link that download for people to just take a look. So I think that that's super helpful. And I'm curious for you, like, tell everybody, like, what's the next dream that you're bringing to life on your end?

Mm-hmm. Um, you know, there's just— things are happening. And so I think what I would love to develop in this next year is, um, a group coaching program for women because again, We need the individual space, but also truly leaning on each other in these— really having other people give witness to your experience is incredibly powerful and, and needed. And I, I would love to have a group coaching program up and running next year to support more than just one-on-one clients, but to truly support a group of women as they navigate their leadership, as they navigate their healing and their rebuilding and reclaiming of their power together.

Here for it. We will link your, um, social media so everyone can follow you and stay up to date on that. So I always like to ask people, cuz the answer is so different and I'm very curious what your answer is. What does prosperity mean to you?

Prosperity, I think for me means happiness and freedom and the ability to navigate the world on your own terms. I think it means like an abundance of good and love surrounding you. Gorgeous answer.

I love that. I love hearing— it's so different for everyone, but I completely agree.

I love that.

Alexis, you are such a treasure. I love you like a sister. You're an amazing human. You're changing the world, and it's just been such an honor to walk with you on your journey. Thank you for sharing your story today.

Yeah, thank you, Claire, for having me. I appreciate it.

You're welcome. And we will link all your things so people can follow along on you and your mission.

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

Thank you for tuning in to the Prosperous Woman Podcast. I am so grateful for your presence and for being a part of this community. Feel free to DM me at @itsclairesellers on Instagram.

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Thank you.