Navigating Life with Ease – What Comfort Zone Means from a 3 Principles Perspective

Welcome.

This podcast is a series of candid conversations exploring the human experience from a completely new perspective. In it, we will be diving deeply into the meaning of commonly used words, pointing you away from that old, stressful way of looking at life and towards a new paradigm. This will help you find a sense of calm, cultivate meaningful relationships, and create harmony in every aspect of your life. Here is Navigating Life with Ease with Michaela Ellis and Claire Downer.

Hello.

Hey, Claire.

How are you?

How are you? Good.

We should decide who's going to ask that first, shouldn't we?

I don't. Right. Yeah. Because I try to wait.

Yeah. And I know I do. And then sometimes you sit in silence for ages and nobody says anything anyway. You're gonna say something now because I've got a word for you. Well, I've actually got two.

Oh, okay. Rule breaker. Rule breaker.

Like fish and chips do in Yorkshire.

Okay.

And it's comfort zone. Ah.

Doesn't it just feel wonderful? I just saw my couch, my electric blanket on a cold night, and I know that's not what we're talking about here, but. Yeah. Oh, we all kind of have that comfort zone, don't we? Some place that we have just become so repetitive. We're just in such a pattern about it. We don't even think about it. And it's just our sort of. Oh, I almost said natural state, but actually that's maybe sometimes. Sometimes, of course, but could be natural. And other times it would be a conditioned zone of comfort, maybe more of safety. Oh, interesting. I just really see that. That what we. When we talk about a comfort zone, it's really a safety zone. Yeah. Yeah. And you know what?

If.

If one is truly being themselves, like, because. Yeah, I kind of see that we can have a comfort zone when we're totally not being ourselves. All the way to being totally ourselves. It's like where what feels, what does feel comfortable in the moment. Pardon me? And that, I guess, really the way to tell whether the comfort zone is a support and it's okay. It's a wonderful place to be. Your natural state. You're. You're following your true nature. I guess a way to really tell whether that's happening is is there something that you really would like to do, but you're avoiding it because you're afraid. You're avoiding it because you don't, you know, it's taking you into unknown territory, and it's like, you know, gives you the heebie. GD, GB's, the jitters, the. I don't Want to go there? Because what if this happens? Or what if that happens? So I can see pros and cons for it. Interestingly, when you're truly being yourself, it's like, excellent because then you're just following your inner guidance. You're just your. Your comfort zone is like making movements, taking action on things that could be totally unknown to you, how to do it, what the outcome might be. That's typically not our comfort zone. But I've kind of experienced something recently because someone, Claire, you have helped me to kind of move past something and, and this is in, you know, I have an email community. I wasn't emailing them. I wasn't sharing my message. I had all of these, well, things that I didn't even know at the time. But what I've been doing with you around, just really being me and then having help and using my words to. That I can, I can share this. It's like, really helped me to. I would say stay. Step out of my comfort zone, but the comfort zone that was a month ago is no longer. I am in a new comfort zone. So I see that we create a new zone of comfort for ourselves all the time when we just allow ourselves to expand and not let our stinky thinking stop us from things that are really coming up from within us to do, to take action on, to say, to like, test out or, you know, I just had a. I like to do new, you know, like, physical activity stuff. Like, you know, let's. Oh, let's climb up that mountain there. Or let's do, you know, let's do this height or whatever. Like those things. It could be like, I don't know what's. Where it's going exactly, but I can, I can do it. I can test it out. I can go as far as I can and then see because I know that I can go from here to there. And then once I'm there, I'll. I'll know in the moment what's next. That could have been a little tangential again, but that's, you know, let. Let me just stop there and just see what. Tell me about comfort zone and where this is coming from and what you, what you see about it.

There was so much in what you said, like, towards the end, there was something there about as we take action that may feel a little uncomfortable because predictably it will if you're butting up against this, this comfort zone. I mean, when we talk about comfort zone, sounds like there's something actually there, but of course there isn't. It's just our stinking thinking. Like, the, The. I've started to say that the. The inner critic is like the gatekeeper of the comfort zone because it's. That's the voice, isn't it? As we go closer to that edge of where we were, I, I almost. It's like the edge of where we were accepted as children. Like. Like our parents created our parents and carers. The people around us growing up, they've created the comfort zone because it was okay to do that, but not okay to do that, and it wasn't okay to do this thing. So the. So now there's this thing where it's so important to us as children to stay safe and to stay in good stead with our parents and carers. I think if. If we. Because if we don't stay in good stead, we're so vulnerable that we're doomed, aren't we? Like, I feel like that's like an innate driver, you know, Stay in good stead with those people. So the comfort zone is created as a. It is a safety zone. It is just to keep us safe. And when we get close to the edge, the inner critic sort of says, oh, no, no, you know, you'll look stupid and you'll get criticized for that and people will judge you. And don't, don't dare say that kind of thing. And so then we. We don't follow those intuitive nudges quite often because there's this. This awful feeling that comes up because our mind is going, no, no, no, no, don't do that. That's not safe. It's not safe. So the feeling is fear, isn't it? We probably call it lots of other things. It is either fear or love. I think it was Marianne Williamson who once said that you're either living in fear or you're living in love. There's not. There's not really anything in between. There's. You're in one or the other, really. So I think that's. It's. But like, you're noticing as you take action, kind of step and step through it, you. It. It moves. Because suddenly you're a different person now because something has fallen away. You've seen something different that's allowed you to then do that, do that thing. And I think for me, the only place where it's kind of connected to us more intuitively. Like you were saying right at the beginning, could it be that the comfort zone is part of our kind of inner knowing, our true self, sometimes? Well, I'd say only if it's around physical safety, everything to do with keeping the self safe is, is the same thinking that's creating the comfort zone, isn't it? There is no, there is no self. There is just a collection of thoughts. And that's why it's so cool to see how it can just quickly fall away. Because it's just a flipping illusion anyway, isn't it? Not even anything real. It's just our stinking thinking in that moment that goes, no, push back, don't, don't do that kind of thing. But it's. I, I really see, because obviously I talk to people a lot about their inner critic, that the inner critic is literally like they're shaking the keys going, you think you're coming through here, do you? No, because I'm going to shout rude things at you the minute you tried to come through here. So you won't want to do that. You'll kind of run back into the, like you say, to the nice, safe, comfy sofa with the blanket. And although not here at the moment, because it is it. We've had some very, very hot weather this week. So, yeah, novel. I know we've been very excited. Although it's going to go from. It was 25 yesterday, 18 today, it's going to be 9 on Sunday. So, you know, about to hit every season in the one week in this country, as you know. But you know, he's getting, you know, the, the jangly keys of the inner critic sort of pushing us, you know, just pushing us back onto that and keeping us. And, and it's, I mean, like you said, it's like this fluid moving thing. It's not, it's thought in the moment, isn't it? And that's why we can see ourselves absolutely cannot do something. And then we go like the next week I can do it well or five minutes later I can do it like that. How does that happen? It's, it's so cool to see how that can change. It's so, it's so fluid and so changing all the time is. There's nothing, there's nothing solid about it. But it can become, you know, you hear about people whose lives, you know, they become more and more. I worked with a woman once whose life had just gotten smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller to the point where she, she was, I mean she, she kind of given up. She'd moved from a high powered job to a smaller job and then still that wasn't. And so she'd moved down again. She just kept withdrawing and Withdrawing and withdrawing. Because in her head, she believed that everything. It was all the outside world that was the problem. So. And that's the problem, isn't it? It's that. It's that outside in misunderstanding that means that we, you know, we believe that, oh, well, we won't suffer if we just don't do that thing or we avoid that thing. And that people's worlds can literally get to the point where they're not able to leave the house anymore. And we just have. My phone. My phone never makes a noise. That'll be my mother because she's got like the. She can get through my block in case.

Right.

It won't be an emergency. But anyway, so sorry. Listen. Yeah. That little sound thing. Yeah. Is mostly on silent.

Yeah.

So that it's. It's. It's crazy to see when you go to do something that you really couldn't have. I often talk about live video because I was. I couldn't do live video. And then I did start doing live video, and then I. I can do it like, you know, it's not a thing now. It doesn't ever cause any emotional anything, you know, in my thinking. So it's amazing when you see those. Those changes happen. Yeah.

I was one of those whose world was very big and then got. It shrunk. It kept shrinking, shrinking. And the more shrunk it got, the harder it was to expand again. And, yeah, it was all freaking thought. Made so much meaning about all of the things and even making meaning of the shrinking. Then that became a shameful thing. And then it was like, oh, I don't.

I.

My world became so small that I didn't really have anything to talk about with people. So I avoided people because it's like I got nothing to talk about. There's nothing really happening in my world. And there was. There was, but I would compare it to what it was before anyways, and it's expanding out again. But, yeah, it's.

You know what?

I wanted to just go to the temperature in. Because you were talking about that you had, you know, from this, you know, warmth to this medium to this cold all in one week. And it's just like, what is your comfort zone there? What is the meaning we make about? I mean, it's very simple thing that we can see because a month ago or a month and a half ago in the middle of winter, it's like this would have been like, balmy, you know, like what?

Hot, sweaty.

And now, you know, so we there, we.

We.

We do, like, just Just acknowledging that, yeah, I got some, I got some thinking about this and it doesn't mean anything, but whatever meaning I make about it, that's what I'm going to feel, that's what I'm going to experience. And, and sometimes it can be tricky to get that, like the things that you've, you know, helping me. Like, I thought, you know, sending an email out to my email community was just like, you know, feeding these like, evil people that were going to come and like, suck my lifeblood out of me and stuff. It was just so ridiculous. It was so ridiculous. But I didn't know, I didn't know that that was, that was there. And it's like once I kind of shone a light on that. Once I kind of saw that, it's just like, oh, my comfort zone changed radically because I saw some things that were, that were messing with my experience, were playing with my mind. And it's like, okay, well, I'm on to you now. I've seen it and now I can make a choice. It's like, that's not what's happening because I just attract amazing, wonderful people into my world. No zombies. Yeah, but it's, it's funny. It truly is just the level of your thinking or the work, you know, the things that you're thinking or believing in the moment that dictates your comfort zone. That's it.

All.

Oh my gosh. Isn't that kind of crazy?

Yeah. And what you're just saying then about the zombies, you know, like that it, it can be such a, an eclectic collection of thinking that can make you, you know, withdraw from something or not do something. Isn't it? It's. And, and it's sometimes so like subtle. It can sound like it, it's almost being helpful, you know, like it can. I, I remember that because I, I, I. We do what we have to do. Our, our tax year finishes on the 6th of, or April and I, and then we get till 31st January to do our tax returns. And I'm generally the week between Christmas and New Year. That's when I usually get my tax return. And I was like, this year I'm blooming doing it in April, I'm doing it, I'm gonna do it. And I've been keeping up to date my bookkeeping every month and I'm on top of it all. And right, I'm gonna blooming do this house. Anyway, I came down that morning, the morning I was going to do it, and I could hear this voice going, oh, there's loads of other things you could do today. Why don't you do this and why don't you do that and why. You know, you could just. You've got loads of content to make and you could make a contact timer and blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's all going on like this. And I went, I know what's going on here. I'm not going to die. If I do, it's like. It's like it thinks I'm gonna die if I do my tax return, God knows what the resistance is there. I think it's some kind of admin dread or something. I don't know. It was just like. And, and that voice sounded really. The voice that was trying to persuade me away from doing that thing. It can sound really like, oh, you know, because I'm really nice, can't it? You know, don't do that. We'll do this instead. It's nicer. And, and that's when we can look, you know, procrastinating or you're not. Not doing. Not doing the things that really would move us forward in our life or a business or whatever. And, and it is still keeping us in the. In that little safe space of doing things that. I mean, sometimes it's just doing something that's familiar, isn't it? Like that morning, it was like, well, you know, you've got this little routine now with your content. Why you just get on with that. Don't, don't be attached. I can wait. You know, but it was. I. I felt such a lot of creativity and lightness since doing it because generally, otherwise, the rest of the year, it's just like tapping on my shoulder every five seconds going. You start doing touchdowns. And that could go on for like, till. Till blinking December. What's the point? Now I just keep going, oh, I've done my turn already. So excited. But now it's not something that'll keep, but it's. It can, you know, like, the inner critic, I think, can sound really like. It can sound nice and supportive and, you know, but it's just this. And it. Because it'll. It's like, you know, like when a toddler really wants something and they'll. And they'll like, they'll start off maybe like, oh, mommy, you know, little cutesy voice. Please, please, please, Jack, Jack, my son used to, like, sit on my knee and go, mommy, I love you. Wrap his arms around my neck.

Yeah.

What do you actually want, though? Because I know you want something. So what are you doing? Do that and then we'll go to, you know, like, pleading and get louder and louder and eventually be shouting and screaming and. And. And I think, like, the inner critical voice has got all that range of ways to come in to try and keep us. Keep us inside this little safe space. It'll try lots of different voices, won't it? In the same way that, you know.

A toddler would this.

Want something. Yeah. On something from you. So. Yeah, I'll watch out for it.

That's right.

They're trying to derail you.

It can be quite persuas. But once you catch on to it.

Yeah.

Well, then you have a choice then. Sometimes it's a choice. It's like, ugh. I know. It's. This is. I'm just. But I'm gonna do it in. Sometimes we make the choice to listen to it and that doesn't feel so good. Doesn't feel so good. Like, it's. Isn't it amazing how much time it takes? How much energy and time it sucks up. If you hadn't have done your taxes, you couldn't just stick it on the shelf. And it's like, I can do it next November. You, like, keep thinking about it. You. I mean, how wonderful. You get to have a celebration every time that you think about it and remember that I did it. I'm done.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Definitely.

Interesting that it's.

Yeah.

That it. It still comes up too, I think as well.

It's almost like, you know, you talk about being you and I talk about, you know, inner knowing and. And there's something about. That will just keep that. That sort of alignment. It'll just keep coming back up again. It will. It will. That's the flow that we want to like. It's almost like there's this river flowing all the time underneath and then there's all our silly thinking. Maybe that's all bits of stuff floating.

In the river or whatever.

But it. And it's like we can always just fall into that flow. Like, you know, like a leaf just, like flowing down there. We can always just drop back into that. And I think that's something I. I really. When it comes to like, maybe creating content and stuff that. Seeing that you've got, like this core journey that you're on that you really want to be on, and. And if it. No, if you notice and. And that's making. And that's going to take us sometimes beyond sometimes it's going to feel okay. Yeah. I'm in my little groove now. I've got my message. And then, oh, I actually want to say something a bit more out there. And so to stay on that flow, you're going up against the comfort zone again and you can. It's going to be, it's going to be up and down. You're going to like that flow is going to be sometimes, you know, yeah, I'm partnering along and it's all great. And then, oh, no, I really want to expand here. And then we've got to kind of go through, through. But this underlying, like, for me, that. My underlying message, I know for you as well, like there's something we want to share with the world and if we, if we go towards the truth of that, we, we are gonna. But, but up against, predictably, but up against some kind of barrier. I, I think maybe women experience this more than men because we've been told to be good girls and not speak up and not be rude and not be, you know, times. I was talking to a client today and he's got a new boss who's a woman. And he said, she, his old boss is like, still in the business, but is being kind of shuffled to the side. And, and he said she was. He used a word to describe her that he said. And then he said, oh, I probably wouldn't have used that word if she. She was a man because of how she ruthless, I think it was, because all she said, look, I don't want you and I don't want you on the floor in this part of the business anymore. You'll have to go work somewhere else because I'm now in charge. And. And that's fair enough. I was just like, well, that sounds perfectly reasonable. When I took on my first headship, the old head teacher used to come into school until I said, why are you here? This is not a cafe. If you want to meet with your ex colleagues, you have to do that in the pub or the cafe, not in my school. It was really bizarre. It was like it was an okay thing to do, but. And that as, you know, as the new head teacher, I said, no, but it's really funny. I think women especially have got this. Sometimes we've got this, be good girls and not say anything. And that's part of this comfort zone thing, isn't it? So when we go to speak up and express our core message or whatever it is, it's not okay. That. Okay, well, it's the words that Bolshe. That's one of those words that you probably wouldn't use on a man. On a woman. It's funny in it anyway. That feels like a whole other top subject to explore.

Yeah. It could be because I believe that men have their own challenges around it because they were also Right. Taught to, you know, hold it in and don't be a crybaby and, you know, be a big boy and, you know, grow up. Whatever kind of, you know, whatever kind of messages they got. So that can plague them, too. I've seen. I've seen that. It's like we can all just give ourselves an absolute freaking break about it.

And it's just. Yeah.

Allow us to feel like what really wants to come out and be expressed. What really wants to just. Who, you know, what wants to come out. I already said that. It's just. I'm looking for another way to say it, but it's just. It's expression. It really is. And when we catch ourself. Yeah. Even that we have a comfort zone with how we express. Right. It's like, oh, can't say that. Could say this. Not saying there. Can't say with your. It's like you get to learn what. Where the safety zones are and they're different with different people, different situations, different whatever. But wow, how fabulous when we. When we can actually test out.

What if.

What if I just was more honest?

What if.

How would that be? How would that not only open up your comfort zone more, move you into a zone that felt where you felt alive and how that would also affect others and give them. It's, you know, sort of like, oh, a little invitation to also just be a little more honest and truthful with yourself.

Yeah.

Yeah. There's many places we could go, but this sounds good. This is good. Thanks. Yeah, that was really good, Claire. Very good. Appreciate that.

Thank you. You're welcome.

You betcha.

Ciao for now. Bye.

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