Navigating Life with Ease – What Conflict Means from a 3 Principles Perspective

Welcome.

This podcast is a series of candid conversations exploring the human experience from a completely new perspective. In it, we will be diving deeply into the meaning of commonly used words and pointing you away from that old, stressful way of looking at life towards a new paradigm. This will help you find a sense of calm, cultivate meaningful relationships, and create harmony in every aspect of your life. Here is Navigating Life with Ease with Michaela Ellis and Claire Downer.

Hello.

Hello, Claire. How are you doing?

I'm good. How are you?

Yeah, I'm good, thank you. I have a word, and they're still, like. They're still juggling in my mind.

Which.

Is interesting because that yellow. Okay, let's talk about that conflict.

Oh, yes. I think I was mildly addicted to that at some point in my life. Like, it wasn't having a good old barney on a daily basis. I was, like, a bit lost, really.

Sorry. A Barney.

Oh, a Barney. Yeah. Oh, we have to do some Yorkshire translation. Yeah.

Could you translate?

A barney is an argument. There you go. I love that. I think we have these words that you have to. We have to have translated. Yeah. So if. Yeah. If a day didn't go by with me bickering or just like, oh, I don't know, it was. It was a bit of a weird day, really. It's a big part of my life and. And not just actual conflicts with the other humans who were actually there, but, you know, having those in your head without the person actually being there. That was quite common and still is. I can still get very stirred up in my head about people just not doing life. Claire's way, which seems to be far too common. Michaela, I have to be honest with you. The heck. Why do all these people not know the right way to live, which obviously is Claire's way. So what. What's happened with that? I suppose over the last few years since I've come across the three principles has been just a lessening of it kind of across the board. So, yeah. Yes. Still getting on those trains of thought. Going to crazy town full fettle and then. But then getting off an earlier station is probably how I would describe it. Seeing that the conflict, you know, where generally where I think I'm right and somebody else is wrong, that that is generally where my conflict comes. And being a recovering control freak, which I do think I should start a group called Control Freaks Anonymous in a circle and say, hello, my name is Claire and I'm a control freak. I think you.

Wide community.

Yeah, I think you'd have to Have a group in every town.

Yeah.

All side circles talking about how they were control freak. I've already had two people say they would sign a. Maybe it's a no brainer. Yeah, so. So. And I think, yeah, the conflict. Just laughing about that, but also thinking the conflict would always come from control. I think it would come from, you know, if I butt heads hard enough with this person, they'll do what I flipping want them to do and then I can be okay because then everybody will be living their life the right way. And poor Bruce gets of that these days, I'll be honest with you. But there's still a couple of other people who, yeah, I could. I could easily be in conflict with them, but I tend to just avoid them now, which is probably the sensible thing to do. But yeah, and I think. I think really noticing it in the body a lot more noticing what I started. The first big insight I had, I think that was when. When I got really stirred up, either actually having a conflict with somebody or inside my own head that I used to see my energy levels and my ability to crack on in my business just go like I would just sink and I would just be, you know, I can't. I could feel it literally sapped my energy and my kind of motivation to do anything. And it just would feel very flat and a bit like, ugh. So I think that was the first place where I just thought, well, do I really want to do that anymore? Then that's kind of making me a bit grotty and horrible. Maybe I want to put that down. So putting it down earlier then kind of came from that. But God, I can still totally get caught up in a. In a good old Barney Mikaela, you know, but definitely not on the same level. It was just such a big part of my life. And it's only when you said that word that made me think, oh, my goodness, how much has that changed in the last few years? There's just a lot less of it externally and internally. Because I'd say the majority of my conflict was me arguing with myself about what I would say to that person given the opportunity. And that person might be somebody I'd never see again. In fact, today was interesting. Before I hand it over, I. I've been to a networking event today where you do networking and you go for a walk. And afterwards we all sat around the table and there was this one man who, let's just say, wasn't my cup of tea just how he was speaking. And it just didn't like. And and previously I would have been walking away from there or driving away from there, followed my head full of the things I could say to him to get him to stop being such a. You know what, like, they would have been full of that. And I just noticed. I noticed myself, you know, as he was speaking, just going into my own head, back out again, in, out. Like I just noticed it all happening. And then as I walked away, interestingly, another woman, just me and this one other woman, walk into the same bit of the car park. She said something about him and I just said, yeah, I really noticed myself getting really thinky about this bloke and then kind of going, oh, yeah, let's just stay in the space with these lovely people. They're all lovely people, even him. And. And yeah, definitely there would have been this. Or what could I say to him? What does he need to hear? Because he's being a. Whatever. And that there wasn't even. It's like I can't be bothered anymore to get involved in it in the same way as I could before. Maybe I don't want to feel terrible. I less and less want to feel terrible. And it did make me feel terrible. And of course I thought that was coming from them. And now I realize it's coming from me. It's like, well, why would you do that to yourself? Really? More and more. So, yeah, that. Ponderings on the conflict. A big part of my life that no longer is. So how about you?

Yeah, that was really good, Claire. Kind of. Yeah, it was interesting because the conflict that I seem to mostly. And I'm. I'm going to look into that maybe after. We'll see what comes out now. Because my conflict is mostly inside my own head. I mean, that's where I notice it. So even. Even if it's. Even if I think it's being triggered by someone or something outside of me, it's often not taking place out there. It's just all in here. Because I know that. No, it's. It's not that. And it's just thought and it's that this and that. So there's kind of that. That happens be almost before I can truly see it. Like. And I'm really seeing how. How differently we are. Like we have this mind, consciousness and thought, the three principles that we talk about that guide us all, that, you know, how our experience of life works.

But we.

There's also some uniqueness to us in how we. How we function in the world, how we express in the world, how we were all unique in Some way. And you know, I've done some studying in the past about human design and, and it's come up a bit for me because I can see it's like, why on earth are some of these things that. This is more for me about things that I want to do. But I feel so like I'm hitting a wall, like I can't do it. And it's been a long time, like, what is it? And it is a conflict in my mind about.

How.

Maybe how others do it and they do it so easily and why can't I, and what's wrong with me. And it's like, there's nothing wrong with me, but there is something there. First of all, do I really want to do that so we can have this conflict about. And it kind of comes back to, like, am I being who I really am? Like, am I really honoring the spirit within me that wants to express in a certain way? Is this the way I'm meant to do it? Is this the platform? Is this like Insight Timer is one I'll bring that I say it and it's like, I don't even want to say I'm a teacher on Insight Timer anymore because what I love to do is live events on Inside Timer. And I'm kind of. I'm kind of not great at, you know, creating things that are recorded and then have a life there. And I've really been looking at that and what it means and what do I. What do I believe about it? And I can see the tangle, the conflict in my mind about what I want, where I want to be, how I can be most of service and. But not have it. Because when, when I truly believe, then when we are following our inner wisdom, our inner being, our spirit, that serving comes easy. And it does. And we serve in all kinds of way. It doesn't mean you have to be a service provider of some. It's like we're serving all the time. Every time we open up our mouth in our daily life with our partners and our children and our parents and our, our grocers and all of that, I believe that we're serving, we are taking a role on in the world. And we are, to me, services like it's an exchange. It's always an exchange of energy of some kind. And sometimes it's a compliment and it's a thank you in return or a smile or an acknowledgment or whatever. Anyway, so I've really been seeing how much conflict is like, you know, I have a picture in My mind of this thought bubble, right. And there's quite a tangle of scribbles. I do these little video or little images of stick people and they all have a thought bubble and they all have a lifeline in a heart. And sometimes the thought bubble is quite, you know, peaceful looking and other times it's quite tangled. And I've just been noticing how much of the time I have a tangle going on up there, but it's not in relation to any other human necessarily. It's all in my own mind, this idea about how I think I should do things or how I could do them or why I'm not or all of this. And it's like, oh my gosh, when I just let that drop, things come to mind of how, of how it wants to come out of me and it doesn't look like how other people are doing it. And then maybe that's part of the conflict too. It's like, oh, but I wanna, I wanna be. I want it to be. To work for me like it does for them.

Yeah.

So that was so interesting and what really gave me pause because you were speaking about conflict with, you know, with others and that kind of thing. And I, I didn't really see it until I heard that and it kind of stopped me because I can see it's all happening in here, but I'm still involving others, right? Not, not that I disagree with them so much as, as it's like there's a comparison happening or the way it should be done or, or like in a platform like Insight Timer or, you know, we're using a platform, platform, I can't remember, of Studio or Restream. You know, Studio, there's a, It's a platform and if you're going to use it, this is how you use it. This is how you make it work for you. This is how you can express. And there's things that you need to do and some just work more easily for, you know, who we really are than others. Facebook works in a certain way. It's like I, it, I get lost in it.

So.

But, you know, if you're gonna be on it, you gotta find your way that you can be on it and not get lost in it. I don't know what that, what, what, what do you hear in, in that?

Well, just at the end there we. You said get lost in it. I think when we're lost in thought, this revenue space for, for movement, for action, for. And I think it. What, what's coming to mind now is that I Did that little program with Mark Howard and Grace Kelly that was called there's more to life than thinking about yourself. And I think we can end up, can't we, with a lot of us on our mind. And we spoke to that in terms of the comparison and. And also that when we have an idea, when we kind of feel inspired towards something, which it sounds like is what's happening, there's some inspiration. And then there was something Dominic Scafidi said at. He did a little program after Viva, and he said it's called Inspired Action. And he just said there is a predictability to the showing up of noise. He called it bs. As soon as we have that inspired action idea, as soon as we have it, it's almost. It's impossible for it not to happen. That if that's going to take us to our. Our growth of edge. Our edge of growth. Our growth of edge.

I understood.

Always good on a podcast, I find, but clearly not today. You know, take us up to the edge of where we're kind of growing. Then like the inner critic is. It's. It's like the gatekeeper of that edge and it's stood there with its rude words and telling you that you can't and you're not good enough for somebody else or you're not there yet, or you don't know enough or you can't do that. Whatever BS it comes out with. But that I think there's something about seeing that in a. Almost in a welcoming way. Yay. I must be growing because that crap is in my head again.

Yeah.

You know, instead of. What we tend to do is see that as a problem. Oh, that's got to be quiet before I can do anything. I can't be. I can't have this. I can't have this in a conflict. I'm not ready. I'm not there yet. And. Which adds just more layers of thought, doesn't it, into the. Into the mix. And. And really our ability to do something, to take an action has nothing to do with any of that. It so feels like it does. I remember feeling like that so much like, you know, like, almost like somebody was sat on my chest. Like, I can't do that. I really can't do it. And it turns out that's just not true. That our ability to do things is still always there. Almost like I would call that maybe innate creativity, that that's what we were meant to do. We were meant to come into this world and create, and that's always there. That's always Available. You know, you give a kid a tub of paint and they will create something on your kitchen walls as I gotta find some paper. You know that it's. It's innate. Is that that creative spark? And I think sometimes we think there's a conflict where we think we've got to wait for that to feel like it's there. Well, you're feeling thought so. It often won't feel like it's there, but it is. Never goes away. It's always there.

Yeah. Yeah, it is. And I'm. I. I really see what. Because I've been. I've been playing with it this morning, like detangling it. You know, those sprays you can put on your hair when you're at the pool or whatever, you don't have time to washing, but you can put this. And it kind of just smooths it out like, you know, so you can get a comb or something through it. It's like detangling those with my. My curiosity really. It was just like, okay, well, following. Following it. Like those puzzles with the balloons and they all have all the strings and it's just like following it up. It's like, where is it going? It's like, oh, I thought it was going here, but it actually went here. I kind of see it as like, no. Well, it's kind of like get knowing yourself, knowing how you naturally work, and it, it doesn't mean that you can't. You can't exist or work within a platform or a. Let's say a community or something like that. In a. In a way, the. The what I'm seeing is like, oh, my God, I'm.

I'm.

When I try to. To do things in a way that seems so easy to others. So I think I must be missing something. It's like, no, what I'm missing is that I'm not meant to do it like that. So what. How does. How does it naturally want to be expressed through me or created through me? And then how can I allow that to fit into, you know, the community or the platform or the relation my family? You know, like, let's take it away from, you know, a technical platform. Even within my family, you know, there's my son, my daughter, my husband. There is a way that I felt at times that I just. I either created conflict within us or it was like I was the odd person out kind of thing. Because of how I think and how I engage. I had to like, okay, how can I really be me? Like, first of all, what's happening? You Know, how is that all happening? Following the threads, and it's like, oh, they have the relationship like this, and. And when this person comes into the room, the dynamic changes, and then there's this. So it was more sort of stepping back, and instead of, you know, pushing what I thought that I want, it was like, how. How can I just truly be me and number one, not try and make any peace happening? I did point out first I talked to my husband, but I talked to my daughter about it too, because she could see it. And then all of us, hey, when we're all together, this is the dynamic. This is what happens. And it was interesting. We all saw it. You don't kind of see it until you see it. And then once you see it, you can't unsee it. You might forget, and then there'll be this. But I found there was. The inner conflict was more about me trying to be someone I'm not, try to do something in a way that there's a better way for me, there's a more easier way for me. If I just allow it to come through me, it finds its way. It's like a trickle. It's like, you know, when there's. We've had a lot of rain recently, and I can see in the river, it's like, oh, it's all brown again. And you can see water coming down, trickling down from all these little paths. It's like we can all meet in the river, but we come from it from different angles in different places, just allowing that to happen. We'll all meet and mingle in a certain way. Just. Let's not try and fight it and say, no, you need to, like, enter the river from over here and, you know, be more river, like in this way. Yeah, this is quite alive for me right now. And I. I'm actually getting some. Some ease and. And more calm about this. And I'm kind of curious where. Where it goes. I'm curious how others, you know, how our listeners may hear something for themselves in conflict, whether it's with others. And of course, it's always within our own mind, even when others are involved or we think others are involved, you know, wanting something to be different than it is, that creates conflict.

And I think the most important thing is, is how it feels in the body. We know what thoughts. It's not really the thoughts, but the thoughts that are believed in the moment create the sensation we have in our body. So whether we're in conflict with another or internally conflicted with ourselves, that will feel we will feel that. And that feeling is just letting us know that we're caught up in some really very untrue thinking. Like, it's very easy to get very heady about this stuff. And the answer isn't there. Yeah, it sits in the. It's in the body. Really? The truth. The truth is in the body, not in the. Not in the mind.

In the feeling of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's all kinds of. There's information there.

Tons of it.

Oh, God, you. Yeah, yeah. Thank you, Claire.

Yeah.

Very good.

Yeah. See you next time.

Yes. Till then, have a lovely one.

You, too. Bye. Ciao.

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