Approach Anxiety

All right guys, welcome back to another video. And today I'm going to talk about something that is very important that we all struggle with, especially early on in our journey when we are approaching women, texting women, getting on dating apps, whatever it is, but mainly in person. This really affects us and it's approach anxiety. So with approach anxiety, I want to define what is it. So approach anxiety is just a natural instinct of having a fear of rejection. Some people actually misdiagnose this term for having anxiety or something that has to do with anxiety, when really it's clumped together with the fear of rejection, which is totally different in general. But I see how it can produce anxiety, but it's not necessarily anxiety. I would label it more as the fear of rejection. I just want to let you know, why do we have that fear of rejection, aka approach anxiety? And we have that because It's a tribal instinct. Back in the day when people were in tribes and different things like that, if you were to go up to a woman in those days and get rejected, there could be a chief or somebody that could claim her secretly and bash your leg with a club or kick you out, and you would have no resources. So it was a big deal to make sure that you don't mess up and get rejected. Because it could be very catastrophic. But we still carry that instinct here today, but we don't have those consequences anymore. There is nothing in this modern society that is going to get us in harm's way if we get rejected from women other than our pride. It's something that we need to make sure that we are mindful of, of why we feel the way we do. It's a natural feeling. It's something that all of us men go through, but It is something that can be dealt with and just make sure that we realize what it is. It's basically negative thoughts of what we tell ourselves of why we shouldn't be approaching a woman, and we can validate that all day. It's, it's essentially kind of a thinking error in a sense, because we need to be able to talk to women in order to date them. We need to be able to make the first move. We are the men in the situation, and it's very rare that a woman is just going to come up to you. and say, hey, I like you, what's your number? You know, and stuff like that. Like, that is hardly ever gonna happen. So get used to the idea that we have to be the ones to initiate conversation and different things like that. I have to ask you guys, what do you have to lose? What are you losing if you're single and you were to go approach a woman and she were to reject you? Your status doesn't change. You're still single. Um, the only thing that changes is that You see that that wasn't going to work for you, but it's still okay in the long run. There's nothing to really worry about, guys. Like, it's all right if people see you flirting with a woman in a social environment. Let's say if it's a social circle or whatever, or just in public, they're— they don't know you. They don't know you from anybody, and they might be watching you, but at the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. And then if you go cold approaching, especially out in a public place, There's a 1% chance that you're ever gonna see that woman again, you know what I'm saying? Unless it's like some worker at a, at a place that you frequent. If it's just a random person off the street or just someone that you see just in a public setting, you're not going to see them. So why do we worry about it? Why do we fret so much about it? Yes, it's a natural instinct, but a lot of the stuff that we tell ourselves is bullshit in regards to why we shouldn't approach that girl. It's like, oh, she doesn't look interested, or oh, she has, uh, earphones in her She doesn't want to be bothered. All these different things that really aren't true. It just so happens that she might be listening to music and you stop her. But there's been so many opportunities where I've gotten numbers when a girl has earbuds in her ears. So guys, we can't tell ourselves things because we're going to disqualify ourselves and limit ourselves way more than we need to. So something to keep in mind. And so how do we fix that? Okay, I'm gonna go through 2 things, and it's going to come down to reference experience. So it's going to come down to your reps. So when you are not used to approaching women, this can be a scary thing, and you do it maybe once every 2 months or 3 months or so, like the average Joe does. It can be a very worrisome thing. Why? Because you don't have the reps, and some guys even fool themselves into thinking that They're going to be like Superman, and like whenever it comes down, they're going to take the cape, you know, and, and start, you know, kicking ass and stuff like that when it comes to approaching women. And that's just not necessarily true. Um, so what it comes down to is getting the reference experience, going up and realizing that one, you're not going to die. Two, it's okay to get rejected. And three, you're still learning a skill. And that's what's important. I talked about in the goals lesson, That make it about the goal, not the outcome. So when you do this, it's going to help you get the reference experience that you need to really go far and to really make a difference. And what ends up happening eventually is that you get enough reference experience that you can— your brain will literally tell yourself that it's okay. Like, you, you're— the nervousness starts going away. That's why I really highly suggest you guys take time to So a cold approach, just talk to a woman randomly, whether it's at a grocery store or on the street or anywhere. And it's scary. That's the scariest environment. But, or maybe at a nightclub. And even when you do those things, it's scary at first. And then over time, when you get the reference experience, it cures it to where it totally makes it null. When you're in the moment and you got momentum going, It totally kills it completely. I will say, and I can speak for me personally and for some other guys too, but for me personally, with approach anxiety, every man still has it. In my opinion, every man has it to some degree. It is an instinct that we still have from our tribal days. But I will say that whenever I have been out of the game for a while, either I'm focusing a lot on my work or I'm focusing on my business, and I just Do not set goals to approach women, and let's say there's just time that passes with it. Whenever I go back into it, I still feel that fear of rejection. It's not like it completely goes away, but the difference is, is I feel it and I still act on it anyways because I still have the reference experience and knowing that I will get a yes, and I'm pretty good at getting yeses. So it's one of those things that I still do it regardless, and Immediately when I talk to the first woman that I talk to, it goes away within like 10 seconds. So it doesn't linger around like it used to when I first started. It used to linger around and then the second approach and then the third approach. But after a while, when you get enough reference experience, I speak into my, to my personal experience, it just goes away. And then I'm back to not feeling anything, you know, as far as anxious thoughts or fear of rejection or anything like that. So. The reference experience is going to help you. So that's why we set the goals the way we do and do those action steps, get the reference experience, and realize over and over again your brain's going to be like, okay, look, it's not that end of the world. And when you go and give good vibes, guys, she's not going to tell you to fuck off, all right? Like, it's not the end of the world. So go out there, definitely do it. One of those strategies too is approach anxiety loves the overthinkers. Like, that is like where approach anxiety is really strong, is when you overthink situations and trying to look for the right timing and different things like that. So a way to avoid that completely, and something that's going to look natural, is just beeline to her. That is the strategy— beeline to her and realize that that's what it is. So if you see a gal do this drawing real quick. I'm a horrible drawer. But if you see this gal and you're over here, then basically just beeline to her, you know what I'm saying? Go to her and don't think about it too much. Like, actually go talk to her. Because the problem is, is let's say you see her and she's attractive, and that's a great 10 out of 10 right there. But let's say she— you're attracted to this gal. And you're across the room and you're looking at her and you're overthinking and approach anxiety is keeping your feet still, she is going to notice you looking at her. And at first it's okay, but after a while that's going to get creepy. It's actually creepy when you don't do the beeline strat and you let approach anxiety, you know, get the best of you. Is that yes, it starts to feel creepy because she sees that you're looking at her and she doesn't know you and she doesn't know why you're looking at her and it just makes it weird. But if she sees you looking at her, you smile, you maybe do a slight hand, you know, hand wave and things like that, and then you go to her, it's a lot better situation. Even if you did get rejected, it still gives you the best chance to actually get a number and go on dates. I'm telling you guys, this is the best way. to do it. So if I'm intentionally going out in day game, and let's say I go to a grocery store and I go to 2 clothing stores that are right next to each other, then the first thing I'm going to do when I go into a place like that is I'm going to look for the attractive, pretty women that I see that are around my age, and I'm going to go up and talk to them immediately. And that helps a lot. And so I tell myself Feet first, mouth second. Feet first, mouth second. And I just keep telling myself, especially when I was struggling with it and going through, whenever I did that and I get in close proximity with her and I'm looking at her and I'm smiling and I do a slight hand, hand wave, that stuff goes super, super well. It goes super far because you're going to be able to go to her and actually talk to her, tell her that she's cute, have a conversation, and then see where it goes from there. And that is the best situation to beat approach anxiety. Hope you guys can understand that it's gonna take reference experience to cure it, and it doesn't quite go away completely. But if you beeline to her, if you keep it on your mind to go and over and over again, your brain is going to tell yourself that you are fine. And in reality, nothing changes other than the fact that everything changes whenever she does say yes. Okay. So hope you guys appreciate that, and I'll see you guys in the next video.