date zoom call

All right, man, uh, I just wanted to kind of talk to you a little bit about dating and different things like that. And so I'm here for you to just answer any questions that you may have about it. Um, so just kind of give you a kind of a preference of getting prepared for it because there's definitely a right way and definitely a wrong way to do it. It just depends on how you set it up, but you as a man leading, going through. But before I get into my rant, I'll, I'll probably like ask you a couple questions and then I'll kind of go into a rant, and then if you have something on that, uh, just feel free to stop me. But, uh, but just in general, like, what, what, uh, what questions do you have as far as dating is concerned?

Well, I guess I figure I'll start with, uh, the last one that, that went wrong, which, if you don't mind me dialing it back a little bit, is really a little bit before the date.

Examples are good.

So The last time I got a girl's number, I was really excited about it because I took some of your advice and I walked right up and talked to her. And I didn't have all the tools that I have now, but I did well enough and I got her number. And the conversation went really well. She seemed really engaging and she's giggling and stuff. And one of the things, and you and I had already talked about this because I mentioned it to you right after, was that I probably should have talked to her a little bit longer and probably didn't build quite enough experience. But we did agree whenever I met her and I got her number to go out for a coffee date.

Coffee date.

And so I was super excited about that. And this is somewhere where I would normally get really bent out of shape about the fact that it kind of all fell apart. But I I realized I was overthinking everything and I'm using ChatGPT to try and figure out what to text her, what to say and stuff. And finally I texted her and it was probably too late or it had been too long and I thought I had lost the opportunity. And so I messaged her, it was I think after 4 days, but I actually got a reply and she said she was still interested. So I was like, oh, this is great. And then she asked me when I was available and I told her Friday and Saturday, I was mostly free. I was thinking in my head, I'll just kind of be flexible, and then nothing. And it was just so strange that she had asked me the question and then I responded with telling her what my availability was and I heard nothing. And I didn't want to be the guy that's just chasing after her, messaging her a bunch of times to follow up. So I didn't really know what to do after that point, and I kind of just let the whole thing die.

Yeah, um, yeah, I mean, you don't want to go chase her too much in that situation. Um, maybe that's like one of the last times, like, I probably would do like a double text, you know, and be like, hey, like, kind of keep it lighthearted and be like, hey, it's like, I just, I don't want to file a missing report on you. You, you good? Like, something lighthearted, you know, something fun. It doesn't have to be something crazy. Um, but—

But what, what could I have done differently? Because like, she— I just felt like she asked me when my availability was, and she said that she was still down to go. And like, it was, it was an even clearer message than what I expected to get from a woman, you know? Like, she already offered it up right away and asked me my availability, and it just— and then I got nothing. And I feel like maybe there's nothing I could have done, but I feel like if I had maybe responded differently, I would have gotten a better— I would have been more likely to get a response.

Yeah, and it's one of those things, like, when you get a girl's number The attraction level is high, okay? And the rapport is high and she's very excited. And as time goes on, she can either doubt herself or whatever, or, or even if she's acting like, you know, okay, like, let's do this, uh, sometimes there's got to be more built. And I could just tell just off of what you just told me that, like, you just failed to build comfort and that's kind of what she was missing. So what you weren't seeing is that she probably had doubts and there wasn't enough— Um, there wasn't enough context as far as who you are as a person and you as a personality to really get a hold of the whole situation. And, and that probably— it just probably just put self-doubt in her just a little bit because of that. And so it's one of those things that, like, next time, if you can, just try to build more comfort, spend a little bit more time with her before you even get her number.

Yeah.

And then you'll get to the place to where whenever it comes time for the date, you want a little bit back and forth in text. You don't want to go super crazy. You do want to get to the date part. And so I'm glad that you did that. So that's, that's good. Um, but just a little bit more build, just a little bit more stuff like that to really just help in that sense. That way it just kind of really just goes from there, and then you could just take it to that next level. So that's, that's super helpful. That's something that I would highly, highly encourage you. Just build that comfort, build a little bit of rapport, let her get a personality.

Mm-hmm.

And then there, it's a lot easier to try to lead her to the date. And a lot of the times It just reduces flakiness in general. Like, even like if you stop texting, um, that's a way to solve it is run a good interaction, 10 minutes or more. Uh, how long was that interaction that you guys had?

Uh, it was probably 5 or 6.

Okay.

Something like that.

Which is not— that's not terrible. No, no.

And, and it— that's where it kind of got me too, is just that like even when she responded, she still expressed interest. And I'm just like, I, I remember thinking, I was like, I wonder if If John had been the one responding, if he would have just said something different that would have gotten— because she asked me outright what my availability was. And so I didn't know if maybe I could have responded better than telling her I was available, you know, Friday and Saturday.

Yeah, yeah. So that's, that's fine. Yeah, just kind of building rapport before that and then going into it and then, and then assuming that she's down, you know what I'm saying? Because she's already interested. So just assume she's down, you know what I'm saying? Just be like, hey, Is like, since you're available Friday, I got you covered. We're gonna go to blah blah blah and just kind of go through. And just leading into that, like, good places to do is like, you want to do like sequential dating. So you want to like take her to a place that, if you can, if the weather's right, you know, like places that you can walk, you know what I'm saying? A park, uh, um, any sort of like little town, get some ice cream or something like that. And then the next thing you could take her to like, uh, um, like an arcade or something like that, or just something Or putt-putt or bowling or something that takes like a physical interaction and you can really kind of up it there. And then you kind of want to end the night ideally like kind of like a sit-down eat. It could be a quick bite to eat. It could be a sit-down restaurant. I wouldn't go bougie. I would keep it very light, keep it very fun at first. One, it just saves your pocketbook. And then 2, it just, it just makes the vibe a lot better. And so just pick 2 or 3 places that are ideally within walking distance. If not, you can drive, and that kind of helps set the tone. It kind of helps it go on. So it's one of those things like, if you can also like try to take her, like be her ride, so to speak, like just pick her up from her place if she's comfortable with that.

Mm-hmm.

And then just kind of go through, and that really does help a lot. And so something to keep in mind as you go through the date and different things like that. And then also, like, the stuff that I'm doing, like, even in the in-person interaction, like teaching, it still progresses and goes on. So you're still trying to build rapport. You're still trying to build comfort. Uh, you're, you're putting in personal input. You're, uh, the physical escalation. You want to actually start to physically escalate. I personally, uh, I just got off the phone with a guy like, uh, 3 days ago and he was, he had 2 times where, um, the dates like flaked out on him. He didn't get date number 2.

Oh.

And the only thing that I, uh, that was missing from that, it was he was too afraid to, Actually touch her and interact in a physical way. And so, uh, that was something that I advised him to do. And it's kind of scary-ish, I guess, in that, in that moment if you're not used to it. But that's what the calibration is for, and actually like getting used to being that way, you know. And there's, there's— I have a video on that. And just, there's safe ways to touch her. Touch her arm, upper shoulder, you know, back. And then you can progress as time goes on, she gets more comfortable with you. But little things like that will build attraction because they're, they're trying to see like, are you potential mate or you're just like, yeah, you're maybe friend, Whatever. So like, you kind of just want to keep progressing, you want to keep going through, and that really makes the difference a lot. And so, and a lot of the times I really do tend to even go for the kiss on the first date, you know, saying somewhere in the middle. I don't save it for the end because a lot of overthinkers are like, okay, at the end of the night, you know, I'm gonna create this opportunity. And sometimes it could be a bit too forced and too much. I like to do it during the interactive part, either the bowling, the putt-putt, the, the arcade, whatever it is. I like, you know, like teasing her, pushing her. Like, it's like, oh, it's like, I got you on this game. Push your shoulder a little bit, something like that, you know, playfulness.

Yeah.

And that really helps set it up. And usually, maybe a little bit after that, you know, I'll tend to create that moment. It's never gonna feel like it's like the perfect moment. It's never gonna feel like, okay, this is a romantic spot. Like, as a man, you kind of have to create that environment, create that moment for her, and then let her decide. And there's been times where I've gone in for the kiss and like, it's, it's not common, but like she didn't reciprocate and that's okay. But after that, she still understands the signal. It's like, hey, yeah, I'm into you. And they usually, uh, tend to be a little bit more physical and a little bit more, uh, going. As long as you don't think it's a, like, take it like a big deal, then it's not a big deal if you got rejected. Um, but yeah, but, uh, you have any questions about that so far? Or like, as far as just running— No.

That all makes a lot of sense. I know that's definitely an area that I probably mess up too, because generally on dates, I know I do very, very well. I can be a little bit nervous at first, but I'll warm up pretty quickly because we're already getting to know each other a little bit. And the date will generally go well. But one area that I definitely hold the kiss for the end. And then I don't really build any— what did you call it? I didn't do anything to initiate physical contact early on. And so what I noticed is that not only did I not have any micro interactions that help push things towards the direction I want to go, but I also— I'm giving myself more reasons to overthink it as the evening progresses. And like you said, it gets closer to the end of the night and then I'm getting more and more concerned. I usually still end up going for the kiss and I usually end up getting a kiss. But I think sometimes it's still more jarring than it needed to be, I guess. And so I can totally see, and I know this for a fact because I've been told on more than one occasion that whenever I finally did kiss the woman, I've heard, about time, because I waited that long.

Is it like, what, like date number 2, 3? What are you talking about, about time?

No, in that particular situation, it was not really a date at all. But it was just, it was like we had just met and we're hanging out and stuff and it wasn't really a planned thing. Um, we kind of just like bumped into each other and it kind of started talking and then it kind of progressed really naturally, which is probably why it went so well.

Mm-hmm.

And then I could tell that she was flirting, but because it wasn't a date and because we had just met, I'm overthinking it in different kinds of ways where I'm like, it would be weird because I just met this woman and like, I didn't even have her phone number. I only know her first name.

Yeah.

And then, and so like we had been, we were literally, I think, on the couch at her place watching a movie and had been for like 45 minutes. And like, I, so I know that she's into me and I'm still just overthinking what the right thing to do is. And I mean, she didn't change her mind. She was happy about it, but it was just, it definitely proved to me that I'm, me holding myself back. I'm sure there are a lot of women that would have just been weirded out by the fact that it took me so long.

Yeah, and it's kind of a weird thing because you get in, you can really get assurance for being brave, which is interesting. It's like if you're brave and you start physically escalating and you see that she's reciprocating and she's like, oh, she's feeling it, she's not, you know, showing you any, uh, distance, or she's not pulling away, then it gets to the point where it even makes it even more apparent when you get past that intimidating part to actually be like, damn, okay, like she's really like, she's fine with me holding her waist, she's fine with me, you know, hugging her or whatever, or touching your arm, all this stuff. And then It kind of gives you like, okay, like, this is like, she's like more, even more so of a green light, but it's getting to that point. And then it's, it's, it's crazy because it takes bravery to do physical escalation. But once you do it, then it's rewarding. It's like, yeah, the kiss is not that far off whenever you—

Whereas I go more Big Bang Theory, you know, instead of like nothing. Yeah.

Instead of nothing. And then all of a sudden, yeah, like, yeah, much. But when you do those little things, it's, it's kind of crazy how you can get a feel for it. And it's, uh, it's hard to put it into words, but you can like be like, yeah, she's into me. Like, going for the kiss isn't even that risky at this point. And it gets to the point where you can read her so well that when you physically escalate, uh, there's times where I can tell like, okay, she's feeling me, she's not reacting, she's receptive, she's receptive, she's receptive. And there's been times where I've gone to a club or a bar and I've kissed her that same night and, and 2 hours later after talking to her. So that's, that's not super like common. I'm not gonna say like, oh, you can do that every time, but you can just read the girl and like go through the progression. And so long story short, it doesn't have to be this drawn out, you know, thought out thing of like, okay, it's gotta be this, this, this. But it's more of like, you know, if she's feeling you, she's not reacting and she's reciprocating touch. And if she's touching you back, all those are positive signals. And then you just kind of go from there. But yeah, it's not terrible. But yeah, no, it's good to do. Keep that in mind, have that in plan. And then also too, just like when you're seeding the date after you get done talking to her, um, you want to do the same thing at the end of the date. Um, that's actually something to keep in mind for the end of the date is that you want to, uh, plan the next date. That's helpful and that helps you concrete the next thing. And, and it doesn't have to be this, um, like date and time. But it's more like the idea, like, hey, we haven't checked out this place. And you kind of talk that up and like, this place has this, that, and it's really neat. And then usually she'll be like, oh, that's great. I've never been there. Or, oh, that's— she's showing interest. Cool. If not, you just basically find something like that. And then that's basically seeding the next date. So you don't have to do a lock-in time and date, but it helps you. It makes her look forward to the next thing because you're taking advantage of the fact that she's still very much so at the highest level of interest Because she— you're, you're seeing her face to face, and the attraction is high because you're seeing her face to face and you're interacting with her. You're making her feel good. Um, all of those things are going to make her excited for that next time. And usually, um, for me personally, um, there's— when I get on the first date, I hardly ever, ever, ever, ever get flaked, uh, because of those, those reasons of physically escalating, building up the vibe. I usually, uh, do a little bit of comfort Uh, there's this thing where I do deep comfort. Uh, I don't do a lot of it, uh, but I do it like one time. You want to kind of stay a little bit of a mystery because it's exciting. Because at the end of the day, the woman wants to feel a spark, you know what I'm saying? So if you just become an open book, the spark is like not there exactly. So yeah, you guys go too much into comfort and it's like, oh, this is my life, uh, take it or leave it. And, and it's too much for the first date and it's— it either becomes really serious or just becomes like almost like a therapy session. You don't want—

Yeah.

So, but a lot of guys, uh, they, they instinctually feel like, okay, I gotta build comfort. But you want to, but you don't want to build that much comfort. But you have just one story, you know, one thing about your family or your background or something you're really passionate about that's somewhat on a depth of getting to know you that she can connect to and talk to and get— and that'll get her to open up. And then, uh, once you have that, um, just kind of share into that. And then you can kind of go into other things like personal input, teasing, uh, giving out good vibes, uh, physically escalating. Those different things are still in play, but that helps bring it all together to where she gets a sample size of your personality, but she's still feeling you. And then it's a— it's just a good mix in general. So, okay. Yeah. So this— that's kind of it, man. It's just like, you know, go to places that are light and fun that you guys can just physically interact with. Uh, you don't— and when you're sitting down, it doesn't matter where it is. I don't have her sit across from me, you know what I'm saying? Always have her sit next to you. That way you can like touch her leg or be like, oh, what's up? Like, you know, you could like tease her and like be close by. And that makes it so much better. Um, instead of the standard, what most guys do is like sit next to each other and then it just feels like either an interview or formal type thing. And, but sitting next to her is always like, uh, preferred every time. Always take that, uh, opportunity. And if you can even give her a ride, that's great too. So yeah, that's, that's pretty much a good overview on that. And do you have any other questions or?

I mean, it all makes sense. One thing I would say is, I know, I think one of the things that will hold me back from progressing, like physical intimacy and touch and stuff, is that I think I kind of will I'll overthink it and I'll grow concerned about how I'll react or handle it. So like you said, it's like not a big deal if like it doesn't go well. And I think in my head it usually doesn't. And so that's one thing, that's just me overthinking it. But like if it does, I think I'm concerned that I won't be able to maintain.

Recover.

Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna end up kind of spiraling from there. And so I'm trying to prevent myself from spiraling out, you know.

Yeah. I can see that. And yeah, and I get it because it's like scary post-MeToo movement type times and stuff like that. And I— and, and people have a genuine concern. And but the thing is that like you got to keep in mind there's always like tells, right? So like if she's even willing to go on a date with you, she's interested in you. So she's willing to open to some degree. That doesn't mean that you take advantage of that or anything, but it's one of those things that's like you just take it a little bit at a time and inch your way towards just more progressive like intimate touches, you know what I'm saying? And it just starts off light, you know, shoulder, arm, upper back. And then later you can go more waist, more like her leg, you know, sitting down like at her knee, stuff like that. And it just kind of progresses in that sense as you're being flirty, as you're teasing, as you're doing different things like that. And, and she'll get accustomed to it, and it's not that big of a deal. And there's times where I actually encourage you to some degree to overdo it. And, um, because it's weird, because When I first started, I was so nervous that I was trying to overdo it, and it took me—it took me three weeks of physically. I remember when I first started, it took me three weeks of physically escalating on a gal to finally overdo it. And when I overdid it, it's—it was nothing. I like grabbed her waist, and then she pulled back just so slightly. But at the same time, that was also the same gal that. I went on a date with and then we made out, you know what I'm saying, the next day. So, uh, right. So it— when you, when you overdo it, it's good to find that limit and then you kind of could take it back. Like, okay, I did that too much, or maybe I touched her a little bit too often, uh, as you go through. And it's one of those things that I can't give you a perfect timing other than just reading the gal there and then just, uh, getting to that place. But as long as you do it safely and you're doing it where you're progressing, it's really not— Um, that's scary. And there, there's a little bit of leeway with that, so it's not that big of a deal. Does that, does that make sense?

Yeah, no, that makes sense. I like that.

Yeah, that's cool. I don't want to make it like super like physical touch, uh, only, but, but that is such a huge component that's missing because everybody wants to do the safe route and like, you know, the nice guys. And it is good to build comfort. Like I said, you know, limits of one deep comfort connection, uh, Some women really need that. And if they're really vibing, like, you read her blueprint. I actually need to do a video on that. But like, basically read her blueprint. And if she's like super feeling comfort stuff, I might give her a little bit more, but not super much, uh, because it is good to kind of still be a mystery and keep it fun and light, uh, to some degree. And let her get to know you over time. You know, women want to be taken on an adventure, so to speak. Um, and it just makes it a little bit more interesting and something to give her to look forward to instead of just, here's— I'm an open book. here, this is everything.

Yeah.

Uh, because then it, it, uh, it can kill attraction to some degree. Um, and it'll, it'll get to a place where she will, she'll ask those questions more and more if she really, really wants to get to know you on a deep level. And, and just take it naturally from there. Um, but yeah, just keep it light, keep it fun, playful touches, teases, stuff like that. And then it'll just progress into something. And then when you get to the kiss, it's like usually a done deal. Most, most of the times when you can get to kiss the gal, it's like You know, it's so easy to get to the second date and then third date, and then it's so easy for her to potentially be your girlfriend, stuff like that, if that's your goal, you know, and just kind of go from there. Um, but yeah, man, that's good. Any other questions? No, I think good. All right. Yeah, as I said, like, just like a recap, man, just, just go keep it light. Take her to places like ice cream, you know, stuff like that. Something physical, something where you're going, and then you can get a bite to eat or, uh, take a walk or something like that. And, um, if you can Go to like 2, 3 spots close to each other. Even if you have to drive, it's not that big of a deal. Just kind of keep it close, 5-minute drives here, there. And then it'll, it'll make her feel like there's more experience going with you. And it almost draws this illusion that like you guys have known each other for a longer time just because of the shared experiences and the different memories you're creating along the way. So that's all I got. But I just kind of wanted to give you a heads up. But now it sounds good. You're just That's all you need to do next time and just kind of just do that. Just build comfort with her, maybe hold a little bit more conversation if you can. And that way, you know, that part won't be so flaky for you. And then I feel like for you, like once you get to the date, I think you'll be like good to go, man. Like for sure.

Awesome. Thank you. Yeah.

All right, bro. Well, let's see if it— I'll see you around.

All right, dude.