The Real Reason Men Prematurely Ejaculate, in Brief

We're going to talk about the real reason why many men struggle with premature ejaculation. But one of the biggest challenges that I have witnessed within men when it comes to premature ejaculation or erectile problems, if it's not health-related, if it has nothing to do with an actual medical condition, and largely it doesn't, largely it's not actually a A health problem, although having erectile problems can be a sign of poor health condition within your heart. And so you might want to go get your heart checked if you are having those issues. With premature ejaculation, it can sometimes be connected back to bladder or prostate or testicular issues. So rule those things out. Definitely go and get those things checked. Don't wait. Yeah. Obviously, it's uncomfortable to go and get those things done. But the real big thing outside of medical issues, the real thing that causes premature ejaculation is pretty direct. There's a few things that impact it, but the main thing is a lack of presence. And what I mean by a lack of presence is a few things. One, generally a man will be disconnected from his breath. And so he'll start to engage in the act of sex and intimacy, maybe he's— Initiating kissing someone or starting to initiate sex, there's foreplay happening, his awareness of his breath is completely gone. And so, his breath starts to speed up. And depending on what happens going into sex and intimacy, his breath can become so quick or so shallow that it puts his nervous system into sort of like a fight-or-flight-based response. And when that happens, all of the body's senses really start to become heightened and your breath quickens, your heart rate quickens. And so everything sort of starts to speed up. You might want to feel the urge to have sex faster, but you can sort of feel yourself going closer to climax. So premature ejaculation can happen because there's a lack of presence to the breath. And for many, many people, they are disconnected from their breath. They don't think about This thing that happens on a daily basis all by itself. The second piece of lack of presence is that a man can be completely overrun with his thoughts. And so, not only can he be disconnected from his breath, but he can be completely consumed or flooded, which is usually a term that's used emotionally, right? When somebody comes flooded with anger or flooded with sadness and they act out from that place, right? When we're flooded with anger, We usually either shut down and we implode or we explode and we lose our temper, right? And so we kind of move into this unconscious territory. So how do we break the cycle? How do you start to break the cycle when it comes to specifically with premature ejaculation? The first thing is cultivating a depth of presence within sex and intimacy. And you may not have ever learned this, right? You may not have ever practiced really being present when it comes to sex and intimacy. So one of the things that you'll want to try is, and this is why meditation is so important, is because it'll connect you with the breath. And connecting yourself with the breath and how you're breathing can be incredibly powerful for bringing presence. So you can practice breathing in deeply and finding a good grounding before you even initiate sex. Or let's say your partner starts to initiate sex. Great. Take a deep breath. Notice where your breath is at. Are you feeling it tense in your shoulders? Are you clenching your abdomen? Are you collapsing on your chest? Is your breath super shallow? Does your breath feel okay? Just start to notice that as you become more engaged in the act of intimacy. The next piece is being able to notice your level Of sensation and pleasure. Where are you on a scale of 1 to 10? Are you already ecstatic just by being touched? In which case, maybe you need to communicate to slow down. Are you so overwhelmed by the fact that it's happening that you feel like your body is already at a 9 or a 10 on the Richter scale and you've barely even gotten started or sex hasn't even started to happen yet? Great. Slow down, start to breathe again. Notice where your thoughts are going. Notice if you're shaming yourself and communicate with your partner and be able to say, I want to go a little bit slower just for tonight. You need to be able to break the cycle because the cycle is that you are lacking in presence with your breath or your body or your thoughts, and that causes a premature orgasm. So I hope that you enjoyed that. If you have any further questions, direct message me on Instagram. It's @mantalks. I would love to hear. A little bit more about what you want to— if you have any specific questions about this topic. And please share this. I know it's a weird one to share, but maybe share it with some of your guy friends and be like, hey, have you ever struggled with this? Or, hey, worth a listen. Share this episode with your partner, with your friends. DM me if you have any questions. And until next week, this is Connor Beaton signing off.