God Told Me to Be a Comedian... Then I Met Karlous Miller | Justin Whitehead

And I heard a voice just go off and say, "That's what you're supposed to be doing." I'm a shy person. I don't know if you can tell that, but I am. Yeah, 'cause I'm selling coke at this moment. I had possession of coke. I told him, I said, "You get me out of this shit, I promise you I'll go and do just what you want me to do." He came out and said, "Guilty of the obstruction of officer." I almost passed out. What the fuck does any of that mean?

He said, "You're going home." I said, "Oh, okay, cool." Whoever was sitting across from you said, "Oh, that was about me?" Yes, that was about you.

You go to a doctor to make you make yourself feel better. You come to a comedy show to make yourself feel better. I got molested twice at 4 years old.

At what point did you tell somebody?

Thanksgiving last year. And the person that did it to me was a very powerful and rich person.

This is Talk Less. Talk less, do more.

Before you record me, I'm gonna give you a question. So what's your favorite?

Um, So my favorite story from the book is called Untethered Soul. Do you know? It's like this little book. So it's about having conversations with a roommate, but it's the conversations that you have in your head. And so it was about how when you speak to yourself, a lot of times we speak in such a negative light. Like we talk so many things like, oh my God, you suck, you're this, you're that. And so basically it was saying if you were to speak to your roommate like that, you would never, because you can't speak to people in that matter, but you speak to yourself like that. And so it's kind of like putting everything in perspective. So when you speak negatively into yourself, into your existence, you got to think about if you had a roommate, would you tell them that?

Damn.

Mhm.

It depends on what it is, right?

Right, right.

I tell myself and the roommate that shit.

I mean, it depends what it is, but, but I'm just saying that it was such a such a pivotal book in my life. And it was— I had a horrible day. I remember I found that book. It was like it fell behind the shelf and I was cleaning my house and I found the book and I grabbed it and I was like, this is how I read books. I grab random books, whatever I see, because I buy, I buy like 4 or 5 of them, put them in, you know, on the shelf. And I grabbed and I was like, what is this? And I sat down, I read the whole thing and I was like, this is incredible.

Yeah, that had to be for you to sit down and read the whole thing right there.

It had to be like, no, it was like, like, like, like God was speaking. Like, 'cause you know, sometimes you'd see some things and you're like, okay, I needed to see this.

Right, right, right, right. Yeah, yeah.

And I was just, 'cause I literally, I have moments when I shut my phone down for like a couple days. Mm-hmm. So like I don't talk to people. I just, I just don't want to be connected to the phone. Not anymore. 'Cause you know, this is work now. I can't.

Right. You can't do that. But I miss those days.

I used to have those moments where like I'll tell my mom and like the, you know, the closest people like, hey, I'm turning my phone off. I'm not talking to nobody. I'll talk to you guys, you know, whenever I'm back, but everything is fine. I just want to be, you know, shut off. And so it was one of those days when I was just in my head and then I opened up the book. I was like, wow. Okay. Yeah. This book though, my favorite story was about, um, well, there are two stories because it's Mandy and Wheezy. Wheezy is their co-host. So actually Charlamagne was the one that got them the deal with the book.

Okay.

Um, so Mandy's story was when she went to Mexico and she was like, I just felt so alone while I was in Mexico. And then she ran into this couple and she basically ended up having a threesome and spending a whole weekend, uh, on this island with the couple, just fucking them. And then like they ran into each other in New York at some point. They, you know, they never spoke or nothing. It was just kind of like, because this is all about sex. And Wheezy's story was about her having this, um, this experience where she had to fully surrender to a guy. And then like I blindfolded her and told her what she needed to do to like how he wanted her to fuck him and every— like, it was a whole like step-by-step direction. It was so fucking dope. Like, she was on her knees and shit. It was basically like she got into the room and then he was telling her step by step what she had to do, and she describes the whole experience in the chapter. That shit was fire. It was fire.

It was— I'm intrigued.

It was— I'm— this is— if you want to get in a mind of a woman This is the book you gotta read.

I am a Scorpio. I am very much intrigued already. I don't even want to get in the mind of a woman to be manipulative, but I want to read that story.

This is— I have a second one. I can give you this one. I have a second book.

No, I don't want to take your book.

I have two. This is the second one. Okay, cool. This is a signed copy.

Okay, cool. Well, you keep that one and I'll take the other one.

Okay, I'll give you the second one. It has, it has notes though.

What'd you mean?

Like when I read the book, I took notes. Oh, so it has like the chapter, like it has the book. It looks like it was the, you know, something I studied. 'Cause I had to do it for the episode.

Cool.

That was another experience where I sat down and I texted Mandy 100 pages in. I said, Mandy, this is the best book I've ever held in my head, in my hand in the last year and a half. She was like, are you serious? I'm like, yeah. 'Cause the way it's written is just different.

Kinda, the only book I've ever read that kinda reminds me of that was the Superhead book years ago.

What is it about?

Oh, so you don't know who Superhead is?

No. Mm. What is Superhead?

Who is Superhead?

Who is Superhead? What is that?

Google her. Superhead? Karrine Steffans. She was the video vixen. And her book, I think I was fresh outta high school when that book dropped. And that's one book that I opened and I didn't put it down from the moment I opened it.

Oh, so she gives a good head?

That's what— obviously that's what she's known for. I ain't had any, so I can't speak for it. I didn't get none of it, but, uh, according to—

rolling, I've been rolling.

Oh, according to the book, yeah, according to the book, she got a good head.

So wait, tell me about that. Superhead?

Yeah, you might want to check it out.

Now I'm intrigued.

Yeah. Something about a story of a video vixen or something. It's her first book or whatever. But yeah, I read it years ago and yeah, it kind of, you know, put me in the mind of what you telling me about that. But I got to read that one for sure.

You want to put your mic lower?

Yeah.

We've been filming apparently. But no, this is a great book. I listen, I'm actually, I'm going to have brunch with Mandy tomorrow. I just saw her the other day. She's like the most sexually liberal person you'll ever meet in your life. Like, she literally openly talks about the fact that she has 3 boyfriends. Well, now it's 2, so she said it was 2 and a half. They're all in exclusive relationships with each other, so like, they're aware of each other. And, you know, she talks about— the shit that she talks about in this book is insane.

Like, I like Amanda already. I—

you would love her. She is fire. She's very opinionated too. She's, she's an amazing, amazing— I love her, uh, I know that Weezy doesn't agree with me on a lot of things, but I fuck with Weezy. Like, she— they're— I mean, they're also— they're doing big things in the podcasting space. So that's another thing. Like, I look up to those girls. They're— this book was written, and actually I got to meet— I think it's like Tempest, the co-author, or somebody who wrote the book because they had a ghostwriter. I actually got to meet that lady the other day too. She's phenomenal.

I'm gonna write my story one day.

You should. If you read a lot, you should write books.

I only want to write one. I just want to write my autobiography and that's it. I don't want to give my opinion on shit. I don't want to tell people, uh, this is how to live, or this is how you should get a woman, or this is how you should live your life. None of that. Just my story, and that's it.

But that would have to be at the end.

What?

The story.

What I've been through thus far is enough to tell my story, and whatever after that, you just— you'll see it.

What is it? Tell me what you've been through.

I've been through a lot.

Like, give me what makes it a lot. Like, what is it? Is it your childhood? Is it your—

yes, my childhood, for one.

What happened?

A lot.

Like, give me an example. Um, where'd you grow up?

I grew up in DeSoto, Georgia, a small town. That's maybe 800 people. It's south.

South? How far from here?

2.5, 3 hours south.

Okay. Yeah. Was it Black or white predominantly?

Both. But, um, South Georgia, you can kind of— well, you're not from here, so—

no, I'm not from here.

Yeah, so It's a mixture of both, but it's still very much the South.

Yeah, okay.

Very much. You know who run this shit, I'll tell you that.

Mm-hmm, do know that.

But you know, I, yeah.

It affected you?

Tremendously. How?

What's, is it your parents? Is it the experiences? Is it the society? What was it?

It was, let's just say it was certain things that happened to me that I still have nightmares about to this day. And I was 4 years old when it happened.

Violent crime?

Not so much.

What was it that happened?

If we get into it now, I don't know how to fit this. So let's save that for later. 'Cause I don't mind answering it. But I just know what it does to me. So let's save that for the end.

Okay. All right.

Yeah, because I've talked about it publicly before, so it don't bother me to talk about it. It's just I know what it does to me once I get on it. So let's—

but you want— okay, let's, let's stay in the comedian side of you.

Yeah. Okay, so what about it?

Is it true that, is it true that you guys have so much pain as comedians that you just turn that into laughter?

Very much so. Speaking for me, yeah. Some people, they just naturally funny, so I don't know if they went through as much pain as some of us have. I don't wanna minimize what anybody's been through because I don't know, 'cause everybody's not as open to talk about their discrepancies and trauma just as much as I am or whatever. But I do know there are certain things that we went through in life that just made us like, you know, like we just didn't see the brighter side of it at that moment. But it was like, 'cause a lot of comedians, of course, we don't go to college or, you know, have any type of training for it. So the school of hard knocks, the school of life from the moment you were born into the day day you decide to become a stand-up comedian, that's your training.

But being a stand-up comedian, that shit is crazy, because, you know, Moneybagg has been trying to make me do stand-up, and I said, listen, I don't even know what story to tell because I don't know what people care for, right? I mean, obviously I can say with a podcast, but podcast is different, you know, there's cameras and it's kind of some sort of— it's a conversation flow where I'm bouncing off a person. When I'm doing standup, you have a crowd. They might not fuck with you. They might not like you.

It's a little easier today. And I'll admit it because I've always been a fan of standup comedy. A lot of comedians today won't admit it. It is a bit easier today because it's like you build your own audience before you even step out on stage.

Mm, because of social media.

Yeah.

Okay.

Back in the day, the comedians, they didn't have that. You know, they didn't have social media to, build that audience and then get an agent or get management and then people start selling tickets and then you put your flyer out for your fans, your audience to see it and they come and support you. They had to go to rooms and clubs and places where nobody knew who the fuck they were. And they had to build that fan base room by room, club by club, city by city, state by state. And you know, That's something that I still appreciate to this day. That's why I still treat comedy the way I saw it growing up. You know, I'm not the silly type of comedian. I don't do too many skits, you know what I'm saying? I do my videos just where I go live and talk or whatever.

Your videos are hilarious though, because there's— it's like, it's exactly what we think but we don't say it because I can't say that.

Why you can't?

Huh?

Why you can't?

I don't know why. I'm like, this kind of fucked up. Like, I can't— because you— I always joke about this whole My 600-lb Life. That shit just like— I was dying laughing when— because me and my best friend, we always send each other videos of some sort, and I always say like, oh, I'm so fat, I can be casted for My 600-lb Life.

And then— no, no.

But I would just say that like, when you see it, it's like This is so ridiculous, but people have taken it so serious that when we see it from your point of view, I'm like, that's exactly what the fuck I'd be thinking. How the hell do you live with a stomach like that?

But you know, that was nothing that I wanted to do. Videos, I never— that was something that took off. Stand-up comedy was all I wanted to do. That was it. Like, we tried the skits. I was like, all right, I'm not really into all of that, coming up with, creating, or scenario or specific thing to make people laugh. It's just whatever I feel, whatever's on my mind, whatever's my opinion.

Right.

And that's it. So when COVID came and it was no going to the comedy clubs, it was no being out in the public and stuff. Everybody just shut up in the house. Everybody just watched every, all their favorite TV shows and everything. So now it's more so on the internet.

Mm-hmm.

So what do you do? You gotta come up with something to put on the internet. But I still didn't come up with that. It was just out. It just so happened to be on the TV and somebody was watching it and I'm like, why would you watch that? And my reaction. So I said, oh, okay, cool. I'mma watch this on live tomorrow. And see how it go. And it took off. But stand-up comedy was just something that I just, you know, once I got in the game, because I didn't grow up saying I wanted to be a comedian.

Hmm, what'd you want to be?

I want to be honest, as far back as I can remember, it was either a judge or a lawyer. And I think whoever made the most money between those two, I was gonna go with.

Lawyer? More than like personal injury lawyer. Yeah.

Oh yeah, because I think that's the only type of representation I would be willing to do. Or family. I don't want to do criminal law.

Yeah, family. Criminal lawyer, you can do them, but it's, it's a, you know, it's a—

I don't want to defend anybody who could be—

it's a fucked up profession. It is.

It's like, you know, it's— I don't want to have to try to pick and choose what crimes I'll take. 'Cause if anybody come in with rape or murder, I can't do it. That's just to me. You may be innocent, but I don't want to defend. Yeah, 'cause I don't even, anytime it comes anything with women, kids, or you killing somebody, I have to turn that down.

Just 'cause of the vibe. So wait, so what happened to that dream of being a lawyer or a judge?

It was just like, when I got to high school, Well, my senior year, I remember they called all the seniors back to homeroom and they was like, we're gonna go back to the media center. This is before everybody just had computers and stuff. Right. So it's like, we're gonna go back to the media center and everybody's gonna, we're gonna pick 4 colleges, we're gonna apply for 4 colleges or something like that. I think it was called Georgia College 411 or something.

Mm-hmm.

And so when it got my turn to use a computer, I didn't have one school I wanted to go to. Not one. And everybody, all the teachers, they were like, they knew my mama was assistant principal at another school. So they was like, oh, your mama ain't gonna have it. You better pick something. And I'm like, all right. So I still didn't pick nothing. I end up telling my mama, oh, I don't think I'm going to college. And she was like, well, you know, it ain't for everybody. School ain't for everybody, but you gotta do something. I would rather you do something that you are passionate about and not gonna waste our time or money. And you know, I know you'll succeed in it or whatever. So my dad, on the other hand, he was like, well, you gotta go to the Corps. 'Cause he's a Marine. So he felt like, oh, you gotta go to the Marines. And no, hell no. I've been living with you all these years, I'm not going to the Marines. I've been in it, so I'm done with it. But I still didn't know comedy was what I wanted to do. I had been infatuated with comedy my entire life, even as a kid. I've never cared about sports or anything else. It was always just drama and comedy, that's all I cared about. Not having any aspirations to be a comedian because I'm a shy person, I don't know if, You can tell that, but I am. I'm different from what you see on stage and my videos.

Right, you are. You more calm.

Very.

Yeah.

So around about 2007, 2008 is when God told me that that's what I was supposed to be doing. And I tried to ignore it. I was like, pfft. Because I talk to God the same way I'm having a conversation with you. And he told me one day I was just playing, and I'm not being facetious when I say this, I'm not lying, I swear to God, this is on my grandmama's soul. I was laying on my bed and I heard a voice just go off and say, and I actually had a comedy special playing on my TV. I wasn't paying any attention to it, it's just, you know how sometimes you just want some noise in the background. And I heard a voice just go off and say, "That's what you supposed to be doing." Yeah, right. He said it again. "That's what you supposed to be doing." So of course I knew who it was because wasn't nobody else in the room with me. But that was never something that I had. It was never an aspiration. It was never a goal. Never nothing I even thought about. But at that moment it was just like, Really? You know what I'm saying? I was starting to think about like, really? So I thought about this every day from that moment on, like every day, all day. It was just, it was in my head. It was like, what if? Because you know, there's something that I've always been obsessed with. I make people laugh effortlessly. So what if that is really what I'm supposed to be doing? So now when people ask me, what am I gonna do with myself? Or what are my dreams? I just start telling them that I wanna be a comedian. I'm gonna be a comedian. Still don't even have no plans on even doing it.

What it is, like how to do it.

Yeah, 'cause I'm selling crack at this moment. Yeah, I'm gonna keep it real. I'm selling crack at this moment. All this bullshit you telling me, I'm from a small town. Of 800 people and I live on a dirt road and you think you telling me that I can go and be hanging with celebrities and making money, making people laugh? Yeah, right.

That sounds funny on its own.

So this is what, fast forward to 2011. I get arrested. I've been ignoring God all this time. I get arrested. And I get arrested of some, whoo, some very serious charges. I had possession of cocaine, possession of firearm, aggravated assault on an officer.

Damn.

Attempting to elude, obstruction of officer, tampering with evidence, abandonment of a dangerous drug, Holy shit. Yeah, I'll give you the picture if you want to.

Oh my God.

'Cause I still got the picture of the paperwork from the clerk where she sent it from the court. I still got it. That's what keeps me going, keep me from going back home. Yeah, so I caught those charges 'cause somebody told on me. Caught those charges and I'm like, man, I am not jail material. I just wanted to make me a little money, man. So now I'm paying attention for real. Like, okay, it's something else for me to be doing 'cause obviously this ain't it. And like I told you, I have a conversation with God the same way I'm having a conversation with you. I told him, I said, you get me out of this shit, I promise you I go and do just what you want me to do. So I got arrested December 18th, 2011. I end up getting a lawyer like late January 2012. Now, he was used to stuff like this. This is my first go-round with some shit like this, so when I hire him, we end up meeting at Zaxby's and I'm like, this ain't even, where your office at? We meeting at Zaxby's. I'm like, I'm starting to get cold shoulders, but people telling me, nah, nah, nah, he good. I said, all right, cool. Whole while I'm talking to him, he just sitting there, he ain't eating none of his wings or nothing. He just eating the celery off his plate. And I'm like, oh man, this man ain't paying no attention. Ain't looking at me at all. He looking over some other shit. He just left court. So we leave, I mean we get ready to leave. He tell me how much he need. So I'm like, all right, well he didn't remember that part. So I pay him. I get in the car with my mama. She like, how you feel about him? I said, I don't know. He ain't pay me no attention. She said, well you paid him the money. I said, yeah, but I need a lawyer. So he end up having his secretary call me back later on that evening. She told me everything I told him. So I don't know if he was recording it or what.

Maybe that's just the way he listens.

Probably so. So she said, he's gonna, he wants to set up a meeting with you to come in the office. So I end up going in the office about 2 weeks later. So after we talked again, he said, I'm gonna ask for a speedy trial. I said, for what? I ain't in no rush to go in front of them motherfuckers. No, no, uh-uh, no. He said, "We give them time to build a case, it's not gonna be good for you." So I said, "Oh, okay, cool, well, you do your job." So, like I said, I got arrested December 18th, 2011. I end up going to court July of 2012. You know, people normally wait—

Years, yeah.

One year, two years before they even go to court. But he, asked for a speedy trial. Trial started July 16th, 2012. And I had never been in any trouble before. Of course a lot of the shit that the police was saying were lies. Now if he had just left well enough alone and told the truth, I would've been found guilty, but he didn't. He had been fired for some other bullshit, some racist bullshit from another police department. So it played in my favor. And I knew then, okay, It was God telling me, I'm not playing with you, go do what I want you to do. So when he got me out of there, I kept my word. And I left, I left home.

You cleared for everything?

Yeah, I beat everything except for the obstruction of officer and the attempted to elude. Because if you get charged with attempted to elude, obstruction of officer goes with that. So you really getting a two for one if you ever. So the only way I kept that charge is because he said I was driving away to throw crack out at the women. I said I was driving away because he was trying to choke me.

Okay, okay, okay.

He couldn't prove I had crack, right? I couldn't prove he was trying to choke me.

I mean, case closed, right?

So when they went back there to deliberate, they just came back out, and I didn't even— I told you, I didn't even know what was— I didn't know how that shit worked. When they came back out and read the verdict They said what I was guilty of first. That's what fucked me up. They came out and said guilty of the obstruction of officer. I almost passed out because I knew if they said I was guilty of those first two, I heard guilty, guilty. Oh, the third shit, when they said, when they started saying aggravated assault on officer, I just, my ears just stopped up. I didn't hear shit else. All I did was just stared at the judge. So when they got finished talking, I looked over at my lawyer, I said, what the fuck does any of that mean? He said, you're going home. I said, oh, okay, cool.

That's all I wanna hear.

That's all I wanna hear. I said, your honor, may I have my stuff back please? 'Cause the police had took 2 guns, my nightstick, my pepper spray, my knife, what else I had in my car? They just took all my shit. So I wanted it back. After I beat my charge, I got all my stuff back. Good, okay. And I didn't do nothing else.

But what is it like a parole or something for those two charges?

Probation, it was city probation.

Oh.

But I'm gonna tell you how I beat that.

Oh, okay.

I left, I moved away. I told my probation officer, I was like, hey, I gotta move, I don't have anywhere to stay now. My parents told me if I get found guilty of anything, they gonna kick me out, which was a lie. But I wanted to move to Atlanta, I didn't want that to hold me home. It was like, I gotta go.

Yeah.

So she said, okay, I put you on phone report. As long as you call in and send the payments and you stay outta trouble, we good. So I did that for about the first year. So she said, I tell you what, you did exactly what you told me you was gonna do. And she ended my probation after a year.

Damn.

Yep. Her name was—

You are protected. That's crazy.

I don't know where she is now, but her name was Ms. Mangum and America's Georgia, wherever she is, I appreciate you.

Damn.

Yep.

And then what was your first standup?

Well, my first show was actually at home because I kept telling people that I was gonna do it and I never did it. So it was after I got arrested but before I went to court. So I'm actually, he's actually my cousin. He hit me up, he was like, But we didn't grow up close, but I just know we're related.

Yeah.

So he was living up here in Atlanta because he was in the military, so he was doing something up here in the area. So he called me one day, he was like, you say you want to be a comedian, right? And I said, yeah. So he said, all right, well, if I put on a show at home, um, are you gonna be in it? Because at this point I had built up a nice following at home just from Facebook, people. Yeah, saying I'm funny. So So I said, yeah, I'll do it. 'Cause I'm not thinking he gonna do it.

Right.

Yeah, I'll do it. He hit me back like 3 days later. He said, I just left Uptown Comedy and it's a host named K-Dub and I talked to him. He said he gonna come and host the show and I wanna put you on first. So I'm like, oh, fuck.

K-Dub, the K-Dub?

Yeah.

Okay.

That's how I met K-Dub. K-Dub is the first comedian I ever met. And he's the one that gave me the microphone. That's like my, that's my OG in the game. K-Dub is my OG in the game. So I never forget, it was April 7th, 2012. I was a nervous wreck. The first shit I wrote down was booty. It was horrible, garbage, filth, waste. I got rid of it. It wasn't nothing I liked. I was like, ain't nobody gonna laugh at this shit. So I started watching interviews of all my favorite comedians. And whenever an interviewer would ask them, how do you write your material? What do you come up with? They say, I just tell my story. I just be relatable.

Mm-hmm.

So I was like, mm.

They're onto something.

That's what I'll do. I'll tell my story.

Mm-hmm.

And I'm gonna tell the worst shit ever. I'm gonna go through my story and whatever I feel like other people would be embarrassed to say, That's what I'm gonna say. So all of my misfortunes, all my shortcomings, everything that happened to me that you would kind of try to, you know, I tell it. And that's what got me to where you at. Well, that and 600 Pound Life shit. But yeah, when I started doing that, it, That's when I started touring. I wasn't really touring before that. I was just local. You know, I had a few shows around the city or whatever, but when I started doing that shit, and I still to this day don't know what's so funny about it.

The 600-lb Life?

I just do it because they asked me to.

Because I don't think you understand. It's like the way, it's the drama behind it, right? It's so dramatic. Like, it's like, you know, this music, but then you look at it and you're like, you guys are making— this is just, this is, this is fucked up. There's so many, so many levels it's fucked up. And the way that you portray those people, and it's like, oh, she's having a hard time. No, the fuck, she, she got there herself, okay?

She got there herself, and I don't like bullshit. No, I'm a no-nonsense person.

And that's what it is, because, you know, obviously I'm sure the network knows what they're doing when they're putting shows like that.

I've had people from the show reach out to me, right, and tell me Yeah, tell me, you know, well, they give us a gift card to go buy groceries to have before they show up. And you know, we're in, you know, production and film. You know, we have to have microphones on for the camera. So of course, you know, when they wake up in the bed, they already got the fucking microphone on.

Right, right, right. And just, I mean, that's what I'm saying. Like, I know the backend of it. And so when you really start speaking to it, you're like, damn. That's exactly what we feel. But it's like, and it's also sometimes because, you know, I come from Russia, and Russia, beauty standard is different, you know. Like, that's, that, that's absurd, you know. People don't get to that level because it's impossible. I don't know how much you need to eat to get to that level. It's just like, it's, it would be a national treasure if you see that. Like, you know, and America is known for obesity. It's, it's, you know, back in the day was one of the biggest issues, right? Which I think still is, probably, because I'm doing something about it.

I'm trying to come down on mine, uh You know, so I can—

what, you trying to shred more?

Yeah, I did. I'm obese for my, for my height. The doctor said I'm obese.

No, the doctor needs to—

no bullshit.

But, but like, so I was called in Russia, I have a second level of obesity. They've always said that I'm like obese. Yeah, so it's, it's always— that's why to me it's so funny and so relatable, because what is obese there and here is two different things. I literally—

So do y'all have a lot of women over there who, um, anorexic and skinny? Yeah, that's exactly what I was about to say. Yeah, I didn't even have to finish it.

Oh no, it's like sticks. Like, you, you know, you have to look like, uh, I don't even know what's the, what's the definition of it, but you just have to be skinny.

So I'll be sick as a motherfucker in Russia.

Yeah, you would. I would be like, you perfect. Yeah, yeah.

Hey, I knew somebody would accept this shit. I'm okay, uh, My gym membership, y'all can go ahead and end it.

Yeah, because you can.

Yeah, well, I ain't been yet. I just started it.

Yeah, well, that's what I'm saying. Like, in Russia, like, you know, your legs got to be like— maybe my arm, that's the size of the legs that women have, you know. It's like the skinnier the better, you know. My mom, that's my mom. If you see her, she thinks that she has the biggest ass in the world, and I'm like, what the fuck?

Like, she's over there like, what you talking? Don't bring me in this shit. I'm sorry, you know what I'm saying? I know you did better with her, but she just got here.

And yesterday we went on a Beltline for a walk, and my friend who— she's been here since she was 16, she's also Russian— she was— she came, she came to my house and we're getting ready, and my mom was like, what do I wear? And I was like, just wear yoga pants. And she's like, I can't. So what you mean you can't? She's like, I'm not wearing yoga pants to go out in public. We don't do that. Like, they dress up, you know, like they have to look presentable, right? And we made her wear yoga pants, and she's like, oh, it's actually kind of comfortable, but she's like, but what about my booty? Like, people can see it. It's like, it's a whole thing.

That's a good thing here, especially in Atlanta. Trust me. Just matter of fact, just throw all your other pants away and wear nothing but yoga pants. You'll fit right in, I promise you. You, that's, that's, you're not, you're no longer in Russia.

Or like a tight dress. You would not put her in a tight dress. Like, she thinks that that's just not, she thinks it's like, it's, she's too big. Or people told her that her lips are too big.

You can't listen to these hating people. They, you know, they want them, right?

Exactly. And then now they're all coming at me. They're like, oh, your lips, you know, you— how much surgery do you have? I'm like, my mom has big lips, my grandma has big lips, we all have big lips. Like, this is—

so you read your comments?

I love to read my comments because you have to stop. No, no, no, not, not for the bad stuff. I read it for how can I get the engagement going? Like, how can I— what I can fuel into, because that way, you know, you know how to piss people off because it's like We all need numbers because the more numbers you have, the more—

right, right.

So I don't do it so I can like bash myself. I love it because why do you think the lips are here?

I mean, yeah, but you know, sometimes when you have people who just wake up in the morning to just—

but it gave me an idea. So I was like, what can be— because When I started the show, I didn't know what could be the logo because everybody was like, you need to have a logo, you need to have something.

So that came from criticism?

Yes, everything. People were like, you talk so much, you just need to shut the fuck up. And I said, talk less. So somebody who was in the YouTube Live that I did, they said it would be so good if you call the show Talk Less. Yes, everything came from people hating or expressing or whatever it was. And when the lips came about, I was like, wow, people always talk about my lips. And then the teeth is because they all said I have to fix my teeth, and I actually got a brand deal with an orthodontist. So I do have aligners that came from all of this. Okay, so I just turned into, you know, basically everything that you see in the studio has kind of like a subliminal meaning behind it.

Okay, yeah, I hadn't got that mature yet. I still like to tell people how I feel, um, I go through their pictures and you tell them, look for their mama or their kids.

Oh no, sometimes it would be somebody who is ruthless. Like, there was one guy who had like fucked up teeth and he told me to fix my teeth. I posted a story, I said, hey, what's up with yours? Like, what the fuck?

Like, I don't like the mirror. Yeah, like, you try to hurt my feelings and I have to show you who you're dealing with, right?

Right, right. No, but, um, YouTube though, in YouTube I respond to every single comment that comes under my podcast.

Really? And I think that's what separates me from many because I read none of YouTube's.

I— but you do know that that is also engagement. So I don't know if you have your own YouTube channel.

I did, but when I first— when I initially started my YouTube, it was for the 600 Pound Life reactions, but Discovery Channel owns the 600 Pound Life, so they copyrighted you. So they copyrighted it. So I got discouraged and didn't want to really do it anymore. But now that I'm seeing that people just like listening to my stories or my take on hot topics or new shows or whatever. I don't have to just show the show. I just do me. Because I don't know if you've seen the documentary, The Crash on Netflix.

Yeah.

I did a video about that.

I didn't watch the documentary. I've seen a lot of like content about it.

Yeah. Well, mine is going nuts right about now, but not even on my page. Somebody else did it.

Mm-hmm. So, but that's how content goes with, with YouTube. I remember the first video that went viral was Charleston White interview.

Mm-hmm.

And I, I mean, at the time I didn't even think I could possibly hit 10,000 views. Mm-hmm. And when I hit 10,000 views, I was like, oh my God, I made it. Like, I really, I was like, damn. And I see comments coming in and I'm just like, I'm just gonna respond. And so I start responding every single day and then it was just like 10,000 views, 100,000 views, 200,000 views, 300,000 views. Then it went to like 400 or something and it's like over 3,000 comments. I have responded to every single thing.

Are you on Facebook?

Yeah, I'm on Facebook too. I don't really— Facebook is like the, the one that I don't really go on.

But you need to.

Yeah, it doesn't really pay much, but it, it doesn't pay much. Um, it's the tennis stuff goes there, the show doesn't go there.

Facebook pays my bills. Yeah, YouTube, my show money. Just, let's just say I need to get on YouTube again. Yeah, because, um, I think I got to get my AdSense back activated and then I'll be good. Yeah, but for now, Facebook paid my bills, so my show money is just, just to play around. No, don't play.

Oh, okay, don't play. Save it, save it.

But that's why you don't see me with no chain and all of that stuff.

Good, I'm tired of that shit. It's so ridiculous to me. I hate that whole like jewelry stuff. It's like, you stop, stop, you don't need that. Like And I think it's more— I like that more than just having all this ridiculous fucking chains on.

Yeah, you know, it's so— if you like it, that's you, but I don't need it. I don't like it. I don't want it.

I don't know who the hell you trying to impress with it, because I'm not impressed. I'm like, bro, that looks corny as fuck.

Both of my cars— well, that car paid off. Um, my truck, this is my last year with that. So I don't, I don't know what's gonna happen. Um, you know, one day I might just want to tell everybody, yeah, kiss my ass. And just duck off and I'm gonna need me some money to eat with, to pay my bills until I decide to come back and say, you know what, I'm sorry.

Yeah, I mean, that's the beauty of, you know, being in the space that— but I had to, you know, I had to take a hit because I had to hide 50 episodes on YouTube and start a whole new YouTube page.

For why?

Because it wasn't doing the numbers. Like every episode, you know, there's a lot that goes into a production of the episode.

Right, right, right.

Not only financially, but also There's a lot of prep for it. You know, you have to get the guests and everything. I had Dat Boi Funny on. That episode did 300 views on YouTube. And then I got so pissed cuz I'm like, this man has millions of followers. He's been on Wild 'N Out. That, like, his name carries a lot of weight.

Mm-hmm.

But why is it doing 300 views? And so I started doing research and then apparently I messed up with the whole algorithm with the way I set up the, the, the, the channel and everything. So I had to start from scratch. And I had to start again. And thankfully, at the time, Cam Newton reached out, and so he wanted to do the episode with me. Well, he didn't want to. I asked him to, and he said, I'll come on. So when I started the new YouTube page, I said, you know what, I'm gonna just, I'm gonna just hit them with heavy hitters. So I hit them with, well, Mandy was the first episode that I dropped, and then I, I dropped Cam Newton on there, and I dropped Carlos. And Carlos, that's what skyrocketed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's Sounds about right.

Carlos monetized two YouTube channels that I have.

Mm.

Yeah, yeah. So, and like, I think that's when everything just started going crazy, cuz the moment I dropped Carlos, then the next thing people were asking for was Nav Green.

Mhm.

So they were just like, hey, bring Nav Green on. Then when I brought Nav on, they were like, hey, now we need to see you with Jack Thriller. Then I brought Jack Thriller on. Then now they were like, we need so-and-so and so-and-so. So like, they tell me who they want to see on next.

Right.

Um, then they were asking for JoJo. So I brought JoJo on. So now they're asking for Reggie. It's like, it's a snowball thing. It's not me that I'm going into 85 South and pulling people.

Right, right, right, right, right, right, right.

I'm just— and so I go into the comments and I literally screenshot because Jack didn't even believe that people wanted him on.

Jack is a fucking fool, man.

He is. That episode was really funny.

Jack, man, you— Jack, you just don't even know what the fuck you gonna get out of Jack.

I got a really funny side of him, but it's a lot of ass talk. And I was just like, Jack, something is, something is about that ass conversations that is not right.

Yeah, Jack is a wild card. Jack is that one that you just, you can't do nothing but laugh at, right? Jack is funny.

All right, let's do the introduction, and then I have something I really want to talk to you about.

Well, I have something I really want to listen.

Really? Yeah. No, I'm gonna need you to talk.

Okay.

Okay. Well, you guys, welcome back to Talk Less Show, where conversations go a little bit deeper than the surface. And we're getting really comfortable in here. I actually really like those new chairs.

New chairs?

Yeah, they're new chairs. I mean, everything is new in here. So, so today's guest is a comedian, storyteller, and one of the funniest observers of human behavior you'll come across. He's built a loyal audience by taking everyday situations, relationship drama, family dynamics, and all the chaos of life and turning them into comedy that feels incredibly relatable. What makes his style stand out is his ability to find humor in the things most people experience but rarely talk about out loud. Whether he's on stage, online, or in conversation, he has a way of making people laugh while also making them think. His stories are honest, his perspective is sharp, his delivery keeps audiences coming back for more. From dating to friendships to the ridiculous ways people move through life, he's never short on— he's never short on opinions or observations. Please welcome Justin Whitehead.

Oh, that was about me? Shit. Oh, oh, okay.

Well, welcome, welcome to Talk Less Show.

That was a hell of a motherfucker you had there. I didn't know it was about me.

Every single comedian says that. I don't understand. You guys need to give yourself enough credit. Really?

Everybody said it?

Every single comedian, especially from 85 South. Whoever was sitting across from you said, oh, that was about me? Yes, that was about you.

Well, I personally, I'm not a fan of myself at all.

Really?

No. But that's for another conversation.

Why are you not a fan of yourself?

I'm just not.

So how people can be a fan of you if you're not a fan of yourself?

That's something I struggle with every day.

Really?

Yep. Remember that trauma I was telling you about?

Uh-huh.

But we can get to that.

We're gonna get to that. Oh, okay. All right, so everybody who comes on the show, they answer this one question. If there's one thing you can talk less about, what would it be?

One thing I could talk less about?

Maybe do more of.

Do more of?

You know, talk less, do more.

Okay, talk less, do more. Um, because I thought you just said talk less about, period. Politics, just talk less about that shit. But no, talk less and do more. So you mean just, okay, just stop talking and do it, just work. My goals.

Really? Yeah. So how do you achieve them if you don't do them?

I have to be pushed. And for some reason, I work the most when I'm like under pressure. And not pressure from the job or the task at hand, just, life because I use work as a distraction.

Okay.

And that's where a lot of my best videos come from because I'm really angry about something else, but I just channel it with—

But that's one way to be. Again, I think that's where comedians are so— for people, it's, you know, it's one perception. But I think it's the more I get to know comedians, the more I appreciate you guys because you are incredible storytellers. You have an incredible life experience. You are exceptionally smart people. You are very intellectual people.

A lot of people don't believe that.

I— trust me when I say that, because I, you know, I know I'm not a stupid person. I'm a pretty smart person myself. But when I talk to comedians, I'm impressed by how much knowledge you guys have.

They don't believe it. They think we're clowns. And it's like if you read some of the comments sometimes, oh, well, what do you expect coming from a comedian? I'm like, what the fuck you think? Like, We're next to doctors. We're just like doctors.

You are literally scholars, but scholars of life.

We are like doctors. We just, we prescribe different shit. We heal in different ways. Like you come to, you go to a doctor to make yourself feel better. You come to a comedy show to make yourself feel better.

You do.

We go through different things. The doctors, they study medical, you know, they go to medical school. We go to school of hard knock life. We prescribe laughter or whatever it is to make you keep coming back to feel better and better. And, you know, we have to, you know, we have to make you feel better according to what we know or what we've been through, what we've studied, just like a doctor do.

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You gotta understand where I come from, how my parents met, for one.

So what happened? Tell us, because we go— we threw the lift, so we—

well, my parents met— how do I even say this? We had a neighborhood rape where I'm from, okay? My dad was a police officer, okay? And this guy broke in the neighborhood, broke into my grandmama's house to attempt to rape my mama. He hid under her bed and waited for her. She was a teacher at this moment before she became assistant principal or whatever. So she was grading papers.

Okay.

And once she felt like she had graded enough and was gonna go to bed for the night, she put the papers down beside the bed and reached over and cut the lamp off, went to sleep. Well, when he was about to make his move or whatever, he knocked the papers over. Okay. She heard it, cut the light on, saw him. Scream, he jumped up, ran back outta the window he came in. My daddy was the police that came on the call. They met January of '87, married March of '87. I was born in November of '87.

Oh wow.

So it's like, of course it's fucked up the way it happened. You know, it's not your ideal love story, but it was supposed to happen. Like, you know what I'm saying?

Do you think it was like a trauma bond with, with their parents? No, they just— it's just kind of like—

yeah, because my mama wanted him and he wanted her.

Okay. Yeah, it's not like he felt bad for her.

Oh, fuck no.

Okay, okay.

Because you should hear them tell the story. She said he couldn't do his job for looking at her and, and, and being fresh, you know, being a man. And he said he couldn't do his job because my aunties and my grandma were trying talk to him and date him. So it's just, it's a funny story, crazy story, but funny as fuck. But no, my, it's not a secret, I got molested twice at 4 years old. So I really, when it comes to being intimate, you know, I'm not one of those one-night stand type of guys because I have to get comfortable because of what happened to me. And I don't date older women because it was a, the first person that did it was an older woman. She was my cousin's girlfriend. So yeah, I was 4 years old. So what the fuck? Yeah. So it's like when I was growing up, I know when I didn't tell anybody what happened, like when it was a secret, all my, my friends, my homeboys, they used to experience with older women and shit. And I used to kind of wonder like, man, what that'll be like? But I can't do it because it's, It takes me back to—

did— and you remember that experience?

I remember just like it was this morning. Fuck yeah. Yeah, I can tell you just what she had on. I can, I can draw that shit if I could illustrate.

Damn.

Yeah. The second time, a family friend did. It was a man. Yep. So I don't, I don't— yeah, I don't—

it's crazy because I have a One of the guests that came on, Josh Powell, I don't know if you know him, he was an NBA player. He actually wrote a book about the fact that he was molested at 9 years old by older women. And basically it was like he didn't know that not having sex for a day was not normal. Like he thought that—

That fucks you up because your mind ain't developed yet.

Yeah.

You ain't even supposed to be thinking about no sex at 4 or 9 years old.

He said he was in, in, in strip clubs downstairs and like older women would come to fuck him and like approach him and like pay for that. Like, and it was like some family things that were involved in all this stuff. It, and, and he wrote a book about that and it kind of like, I just, I wish I wrote the, I read the book. That's why I learned the experience to read the book before the guest comes on. Mm-hmm. Because I read the book after we did the show and I called him and I was on the phone with him for 2 hours cuz I was like, this is This is crazy. Like, this is actually insane that this is— the adults can even envision doing something like that to a child.

The woman who did it, she knew that I was a mama's boy, and she knew how much my mom meant to me. And my dad was away. He was in prison at this moment. My dad got arrested. He was a police officer, got arrested for some shit, had to go away for a few years. So, you know, Mama was all I had at that moment. And she knew that. So she told me that if anybody knew, they would get mad at my Mama because they would say my Mama didn't take care of me and they would take me away from my Mama. So I didn't tell nobody.

At what point did you tell somebody?

Thanksgiving last year.

Really? Damn.

Because—

You had to carry all that for a long time.

Something else happened that made me just, Tell, I had a, um, I had, I had a friend who I was real close to, um, that found out about something that happened to me, uh, back in 2019. And the person that did it to me was a very powerful and rich person. And we settled out, we settled out of court. So, but I signed the NDA, so it's nothing I could really talk about. And that's why, that's as far as I'm gonna go with that. So, but my friend knew about it and felt like, well, since I know about it, I want me some money too. And extorted me. I'm talking about threatening to go to TMZ, threatening to put it online because they actually had video and picture of, they recorded when they found out about what happened. And I'm talking, this is a dude who I consider like a brother to me. I would have given him any fucking thing, anything he asked me for. And yeah, so it was somebody else that I had considered a son, to be honest. I don't even wanna get into it.

That's so fucked up.

Yeah.

This is like, this is why, I don't know why people put money above everything.

Because it's like, if that's everything to you.

Yeah, but at the end of the day, that ain't it. You still gonna live with that fucking experience. Like, don't tell no— you know, it ain't no way you're not gonna have some sort of remorse or karma or something is gonna happen.

Yeah, karma's a motherfucker.

Karma's gonna get you.

One thing, karma is not a— karma is a bitch. Yeah. And she's one bitch you would not have one night stand with. She coming back.

Oh no, she— and she will stay.

She gonna get her nut. You got yours and she coming back to get hers.

Oh yeah, yeah.

And I, I believe in it. So that's why I try to do— you know, I'm not a perfect person. I've not always been this person that you talking to now, but today you ain't gonna get me to do nothing fucked up with nobody. Yeah, you know, karma's coming back. And I ain't really doing that bad to people then, you know. I've never just done no fucked up, sick, malicious shit to people, you know. Know, I'm a human, you know.

Well, I mean, you're, you're a person. It's normal. We're all going to do good, we're going to do bad. It's, it's a part of human life, right? There's always— that's why I'm saying there's, there's two different kinds of energies, yin and yang, right? Like good and bad. And there is no good without bad because we, we need to contrast something with something, right? You know, so it's, it's just, that's just a part of life. But I feel like maybe because I guess June is Mental Health Awareness Month, right?

Yeah, yeah, it is.

I think, I'm sure it really affected you because you probably felt some type of way talking about those things, sharing those stories, especially you being around comedians.

Yeah, um, and I— and the thing is, what made me more open to talk about it is the first time I ever said it on camera, or this is probably about the second or third time I've said it on camera, but the first time I said it, we was recording the episode of 85 South, and it wasn't a moment where we was really filming. It was, the cameras were rolling, but we were all just talking, sitting on the couch, warming up, getting ready before Carlos said, okay, welcome to Date Advice or whatever, you know. And it came out in conversation. And you, you know Carlos, you know DC, you know, you know what I'm saying, Moneybagg. None of, none of the bullshit. It was, you know, all the facetious shit. No, nobody tried to be funny. None of that. It was just like, because they didn't know that about me, and it was on some real shit, like, you know what I'm saying? It was a real moment, and the way they reacted to it, it made me feel better about it because, you know, nobody likes to talk about it, especially a man.

Of course, because that's like devaluing you. It's like it's diminishing you.

It's—

there's so many bad things that associate with it, right?

So for them to react the way they reacted, I was like, maybe it ain't a bad thing to talk about.

But I think, and that's where it shows again that like comedians are still human beings. As far as, you know, Moneybagg can take it really far, but Moneybagg is also a very caring and loving person.

Very. Like, people, I don't think they know how caring and how considerate and how he's very supportive. Very.

Carlos, I mean, I have never met a person like that.

I— very—

Carlos is just like, he's changed my life. Like, I, I could not imagine the person to be so nice, so like, just— and, and he's—

the mean people are the nicest.

The mean, like, yeah. And then, because he said, you know, I appreciate you like pulling up and showing up. And it's like, to me, those are the little things. And it's, it's like, I appreciate you for even giving me a time of day because your name is here. Like, you don't even understand that the value that your name has He didn't forget people. Yeah, and it's just— He didn't. In DC too, DC has the biggest heart as far as like, you know—

He didn't forget people. He got his people around him. It's like, you know what I'm saying? It's what, DC one of the people that he got enough money to hire whoever.

Everybody in here.

And he's still, he's giving the people he grew up with the opportunity first. Now whether they fuck it up or they keep going, he's giving them the opportunity to do that. And that's just something I respect. You know, like with Carlos, of course before, or outside of 85 South, I have my own shit going on. But once 85 got to where it is now, it was like he extended because when he was touring and building before 85 South, I used to babysit his son.

Mm.

You know, I would make sure he get to and from school, make sure he get home, got food, stuff like that while they on the road, while him and his baby mama on the road. 'Cause both of 'em are comedians. So, you know, He never forgot that shit. But he also had to see that I'm gonna add something to this shit. Like, I ain't finna just let you come over here 'cause you my boy, you know what I'm saying? Like, I look out for you. But no, he didn't forget. And there's other comedians that he didn't forget about too. Just like, I don't know if you ever met Chris Smoke.

Oh my God, met Chris, yes.

Set It Off. Clayton English, you know, all of them, they started He didn't forget none of them, regardless of what people might say on the outside looking in.

Fuck them.

I don't— we, we know what the fuck going on, you know.

You, you have to just touch that energy, like you have to really be in the room for yourself. Even with DC, you know, DC walked up to me at We the Ones tour. We were all backstage, which I just randomly— Carlos got me a ticket because I asked him. I was like, hey, can you give me a ticket? And then my friend Trey Mo was like, come on, I'm, I'mma introduce you to Mojo. So he's like, come backstage. So I came backstage. I wasn't even thinking I was going to go there. And we're sitting, all of us, just, you know, after the show, just talking. And DC looked at me, because to me, I'm like, where am I and where is DC? I'm— let's be for real, right? I mean, and that's how I look at it.

No, no, no, no, no, respect.

You got to respect. You got to respect the talent. You got to respect how far he's come. I've seen DC at the basketball games, you know. I've said hi to him before. But it's just, respectfully, DC is a very big name and I can't just be like, hey, come on my show. And I was just sitting on the couch and DC looked at me, he goes, hey Les, I'mma come on your show. And I, I sat there, I was like, oh my God, are you serious? He's like, yeah. He's like, here, take my number, just text me. But hey, I might not respond, but just text me. And then, cuz he's like, if anything, just like tell Carlos, he'll, he'll hit me up, we'll figure it out, right? Same thing with Chico. And I was just like, oh my God. And I remember I looked at Carlos and I was like, Carlos, did you tell him? He's like, I mean, he knows that you have a show, but he truly wants to do it. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's seen you around, he's seen what you're doing. And so, and then I got to sit down with DC after one of the, I think it was like after the birthday roast that he did. And actually happened to be that my birthday is the same day as his son's birthday. And so it's kind of, I was like, oh, maybe that's when you're gonna, you know, so it's whatever time it's gonna be. He's going to come on.

And that made the connection even better.

It made connection even better. But it's just like, that's what I'm saying. Like, 85 South has such a special heart, special place in my heart because just the way that people are. And that's what I say about Atlanta all the time. It don't matter what it is. Like every single person, like Nav, Moneybagg, Carlos, everybody who came on, it's just, it's just been so genuine that I was like, man, I never felt so accepted. I never felt so invited. I never felt so loved. It's like, man, and who am I and who are they? Like, you know, those are the people that people, they sell out stadiums. You guys sell out stadiums. Like, you got to understand the value that you have.

You know, we don't, nobody thinks like that though. I mean, of course everybody know they worth, but at the same time, it's like, no, nobody, you guys are very humble.

You very much down to earth and you're very normal people. But, you know, I think people don't give you flowers enough because you— what you would— what, what that whole group collectively has built. Oh yeah, is unheard of. It's never been done before. And it's, it's, it still keeps on going and going and going, and they're selling out stadiums. And it's just, you know, every time I come there, I'm mesmerized. I'm like, man, you know, and I've been in corporate world. I've never been impressed by corporate world. I'm impressed by 85 South more than any—

that's very impressive I've ever been around, you know. They definitely They did something with that. Like it, yeah.

Anywhere you go. I didn't even know that people who are my people in the Bay fuck with 85 South like that.

Oh yeah. 'Cause shit, I've went with them out there and they sold out an arena out there. They on fire. Like them boys, they, I'm just happy to be a part of it, man. You know, and even—

You belong too.

I mean, well, you know, I receive it. I receive it.

Thank you. You're a part of it too. I think it's important to, you know, it's important. You have to, you have to speak life into yourself, or if I have to, I will.

Hey, listen, I mean, hey, I appreciate it, but you know, um, I'm one of those people that, hey, um, all right, I just— this is assignment from God and I'm just doing what he told me to do because if I don't, I'm gonna get in trouble.

And stay out of the trouble.

I don't want to get in it.

Don't—

you don't want to be in trouble with God?

No. Oh, for sure. But you also have to be in tune. I feel like that's something that where I would find myself sometimes like, man, I'm just getting so disconnected, especially when I went through a heartbreak. I was like, okay, get back to it. It's gonna hurt.

But sometimes he— God, like, God knows you better than you do. Sometimes he knows what to use to make you get back on track because I told you initially, of, you know, earlier, that I work better when I'm under pressure or going through pain or sexually frustrated. So he know what to do. Yeah, he know how to get my attention.

Yeah, no, same. I mean, it's at this point it's like, okay, because I got so distracted and then got kind of like dissolved in that person, and now I'm like, all right, right back. We got new things going on, and it's just like appreciating things. And because I tend to just You know, you just keep on going, going, going and going and going. And then people are like, well, you just built a studio. And I'm like, yeah, I'm just— I just built a studio. Like, to me, it wasn't— it was just kind of like a part of the routine.

Yeah.

Like, it's a natural projection of, you know, it's a natural progress of things that, okay, this is the next thing that you're going to do. And then people are like, but that's not— everybody gets a chance to do that.

Yeah. And I have to remember that sometimes I have to. And it's going to sound so fucked up. I don't mean nothing by it. But sometimes I have to go and sit around the comedians who not really working sometimes.

Mm-hmm.

And remember, yeah, you used to be here or you could be here.

Mm-hmm.

So, you know what I'm saying? And I don't know, like I'm better than you type shit. No, but it's just sometimes you, like when I'm at home, when I go to my hometown, Sometimes I have to ride around that shit that I used to hang around in and see, you don't want to come back to this, you know what I'm saying? And I don't mean my neighborhood is a shit, like I love my home. I'm saying like the shitty places in my neighborhood that I used to hang out in and frequent in and sell my dope and shit in. Yeah, because that would be where I would go back to, right? You know what I'm saying? So sometimes you have to see that. Sometimes you have to revisit pain to know I'm never going back to that again.

They call it touch grass. That's a new word now. Yeah, cuz that's, that's what I think too. I'm like, no matter what, I'm not going back home. There's nothing that's going to— I'm not going back home.

I—

whatever it's going to take for me to make it here, however I can stay here, I can.

Is it easier to be here than home?

For me, I feel more at home here than home.

But I'm saying like easier as far as economic economically?

I mean, you make more money here, but it's like home, I have, I can have everything if I wanted home, you know, my mom owns the condo, she owns a business, like, if I lived in home, I'm sure it would have been a very different life, right, you know, like, I probably would have been married, I would have owned a condo or something, like, I would have had my family around me, but I chose not to.

You don't want that.

I don't want that because it wasn't really fulfilling me, and so Uh, you can, you can give me all the shit she don't want.

I can, because she just said I wanted it on camera. She said she don't want none of that, the condo or none of that. I got it on camera so we can talk about it.

She knows I've always said I don't want none of that. I had like, because for me to get to America, when you get a visa, you have to show that you like own something so you have a reason to come back. And, um, I did have ownership of like whatever, you know, whatever properties that they had. And, uh, I wrote it all off. It's all back to the family. I don't, I don't, I don't own shit there. I ain't got shit in there. I just have family who owns stuff. I don't have nothing.

But like me, I ain't got shit. I got some family that owns some stuff. Yeah, I got like 2 or 3 millionaires in my family, but I ain't got it. Ain't my money.

Million, but you know, maybe—

no, I said millionaires. Uh, yeah, 2 of my uncles are millionaires. I got a cousin who's a millionaire, but it ain't my shit.

I want to be my own millionaire.

I don't want—

yeah, I never wanted like—

I'm gonna have more than they will. When I start touching mine. I'm glad they got it. They ain't gotta get them shit. You know, I'm just bullshitting.

No, I've never been a girl that's like, oh, I want it to be given to me. I've always wanted to earn it. Like, whatever it was, I've always wanted to earn it 'cause it feels better.

I was, I didn't get like that into comedy because you could have, I could have won the lottery before comedy. Or I could have won the lottery and just had, this is a life. But now there's nothing that you can give me to make me walk away from this shit because it's everything to me. It's all I got.

Right. Same.

It's my therapy. It's everything. It's my outlet. It's my love. It's my baby. It's all I got.

Yeah. I've failed two businesses before because I've always tried to create something, do something like maybe it's a service or something. And then I had to like sit back and think, what is it that I love the most? And I've always loved to have conversations.

I've never done nothing else. Well, you just, I sold.

This is still a conversation 'cause you have to have it, right?

But you know, I've never tried any businesses. Oh, I had a few dead-end jobs. I just, I've never stayed on a job long enough to get my paid time off.

So 90 days?

I've never been on a job long enough to get it. Um, well, I did security, but it was for, uh, like, it's like a little private company, so there's no paid time off. Fuck no, it wasn't no time off. It definitely wasn't paying you.

Yeah, I mean, I've, I've had a lot of jobs, and you know, I've, I've tried to go with a blueprint of what— because I think my mom still thinks that like I don't have a job because I don't see money coming in. But I'm like, that's— give it time.

There's money coming.

It's coming, and it's coming whatever way it's going to. It's, it's coming, cuz like I just have to believe that it's coming, you know.

It is. Trust me, I see it. I ain't just saying that. It's coming. You going— and, and, and when it come, invite me back.

I absolutely will. Everybody is coming back. Nobody's leaving.

Let you know that off rip.

Yeah. I really want to do like a live show and invite all the comedians. That would be a good one.

But we definitely, we got to, we got to do some fragrance. I want to see where your fragrance stuff is. You got some friends you want to hook me up with? You keep asking me about what I like. What's my—

As far as the woman?

Yeah.

Oh, you know what? I met somebody the other day.

Oh, you don't even know this motherfucker. You just met him.

Because, well, one of my friends, she's Russian. I don't know if she's gonna, you know, I don't know if you're gonna do that.

What you mean?

She's 5'11".

You don't know if she gonna do me? That's what that is.

No, no, no, no, no. I'm just saying because you said you don't want to go back to white.

I see it.

So she's Russian.

You can set it up.

No, but she's in the industry. Fuck, I can't do the industry with you.

What you mean? What she do?

She's in the industry.

What does she do?

I'll tell you later. Oh, we don't want to give it up right like this. We want to keep it private, right? You want to keep your relationship private? Yeah.

Okay, it ain't no relationship yet, but yeah, yeah.

No, she's in the industry. I got, I got a few people I can hook you up with. Okay, do it. But you got to be on your P's and Q's.

You just see—

not—

I know, I see, you see the bullshit. She liked me. She told me I was a nice person. I I smell good. I, you know, I can read all of that. But then as soon as I ask about a friend, you gotta be on your P's and Q's. Goddamn, was I not just for a whole 2 hours?

You are. I'm just saying because it's a referral, I don't wanna get yelled on.

No, you won't. You won't.

No, but if you give a lot, I don't think that that is—

Let them watch my videos and stuff first.

Yeah.

And then.

Okay.

You'd be like, okay, okay.

Do you care if they have kids? You know, I'm 31. So now a lot of my friends, they do have kids.

I don't have any kids.

Okay, so I'll think of somebody who doesn't have kids.

How many kids?

One.

Young?

Like, over 5. Okay, no, we'll find somebody who's not.

I like some— if they got kids, they need to be old enough to take care of themselves so she can come spend time.

How old does she need to be?

What do you mean? At least 25.

No, I mean, what's the max? Oh, um, obviously I'm not doing nothing less than 30, 32 probably. Yeah, cuz you want somebody who's marriage-minded and who wants to have children and who is a third At the age, 25 to 35 is my range. Okay.

Yeah.

What if it's—

I really don't want to go 25. 27.

No, I would, I would say 30, to be honest.

27. 27 is the lowest I'mma go because there's, you know, college graduate, fresh. She ain't been through a whole bunch of bullshit. She's not gonna come and try to make you pay for stuff other people done to her.

Yeah.

Yeah. You know.

Yeah. It's kind of like it's not too much trauma, but still some, a little bit.

She can still have 2 or 3 kids if she wants. So 27 to 35.

Okay.

The older you get, up to, you know, 33, 34, 35, that's— you have to go down with the kids. They might give you one, might give you two.

Okay, I'm gonna have to sit and think. I'm, I'm definitely gonna find somebody because I— the right now, the ones that are close to me, they do have children.

Yeah, well, I can't be picky right now because I'm out here, I'm lonely. I get off the road, come home house quiet, empty, good, clean, smell good. I like that, but you know, I got to the point where I wanna see a little hair in the sink. You know, I want somebody else's shoes.

See, my Russian friend, she's a neat freak too, so, but she needs to watch the videos first.

Yeah, you know, I want somebody else to be laying in the bed when I get down, you know? I want to see some other shit in refrigerator other than what I like. Usually you, yeah, you know, you open my refrigerator now, you gonna see some Dr Pepper, some water, a few fruits, some baking soda, some condiments.

Baking soda.

Yeah, I wanna see some feminine stuff in there. I wanna see some sparkling water, some—

Some lettuce.

Yeah, some shit like that, yeah.

Like tomatoes? Huh? Tomatoes?

I eat it in stuff that's cooked already. Now if I'm gonna go and buy it, I cook with it 'cause I can cook.

Mm.

I can cook a little bit.

Okay.

I'm a Crock-Pot man right about now 'cause I have to work. Mm-hmm. Yeah, we'd be at 85 South, have something back at the house on the crock pot.

Oh, okay. Yeah, okay. Well, we said it into the universe. Somebody's gonna come to me.

I know somebody's gonna come to me because I'm dating now, so I can't be too choosy. I'm out here.

You gotta try.

I mean, I'm trying. Yeah, I'm— that's what I'm saying.

I'm gonna propose, I'm gonna connect, and then you guys can try.

Let's just say I'm not opposed to nothing.

Okay, I love that.

I'll give it a shot.

Give it a shot. Okay. All right, I have a little gift for you. Uh, do you?

For me?

I do. I know you don't like gifts, but, um, I hope it's the right size. If it's not the right size, you let me know.

Thank you.

I will always, um, get you the right size.

Yes. No, I appreciate this. You got me a large. See, what I'm gonna do is when my women come over You got a small too.

That's, that's a— I think that's a small.

Yeah, yeah. So when my women come over, or when your friend come over, I can let her— tell her she ain't got to pack no bag. I got a large t-shirt for her to walk around in.

She has one too.

She got a little— she got a clean one at mine.

I think that should fit you.

Yeah, it is. Talk less, do more.

Mhm. See the lips?

Yeah. When we go do some fragrance shopping and videos, I'm I'm gonna wear this.

Yeah, oh yeah, and the hoodie's a large, but—

Oh, so that's what I'm gonna let the woman wear when she come over.

Don't let her steal it, 'cause I think Moneybagg said that somebody stole his hoodie.

Oh yeah, they do that when they come over.

And it's signed for him too.

Oh, well no, did you sign mine?

No.

Well, what the fuck? Interview over with. Watch that bag.

No, I had a— thing to sign with was a different studio.

Oh, okay. This do look like a different studio than the one now, will it?

Yeah, that's not the— this is, this is— we just built this. This is like, this is the 4th episode that we're filming here.

5th.

Yeah, 2nd day of filming. Anyways, what's next for you? Where can people find you?

They can find me, um, You know, anywhere. WIC office, Target, Marlene's in Lithia Springs. Nah, I'm bullshitting. Comedian Justin Whitehead on everything. TikTok, Facebook, I'm Justin R. Whitehead. Instagram, Comedian Justin Whitehead. Yeah.

And you going on tour or you just doing a bunch of shows right now?

What, that's just— I'm just working.

You're just working?

Yeah, it ain't no tour because I've been to these fucking cities, so I'm just working.

I just keep on working. That's what we— we love a working man.

That's it. That's my job. I ain't nobody special. This is my job on the internet and stage. So pay attention to if you would like to see me on stage because I'm You funny as a motherfucker on that stage. So you have to come and catch me.

Oh yeah, yeah. Okay, all right, well they're gonna come and catch you. And then you are a part of 85 South, so you do do some episodes with them, right?

Yeah, um, I do a few whenever, uh, uh, you know, we got a producer up there that got our favorites. So whenever her favorites can't make it, I Do you feel it? I'm a seat filler.

I don't like how it sounds.

Yeah, it ain't got nothing to do with the comedians or nobody else. It's just, you know, they got somebody in charge of picking people on the episodes, and I'm not one of her favorites. And I don't give a fuck because, you know, I don't have to be nobody's favorite. I'm not trying to be elected for a public office or nothing like that, so you ain't gotta like me. Shit.

That's a good way to see it.

Especially when I've gone out of my way to be nice to a person and I've heard other people say they don't like you and they treat you like shit, but I go out of my way to be nice to you and you treat me like shit. So nice, you know.

Maybe you should get her a fragrance.

No, maybe I have two.

Really?

Yes, I bought her one for showing appreciation on helping me with my show, then I bought her one for her birthday. That's what I'm telling you. So after, at this point Fuck you.

I think I know who you're talking about.

Shit.

Well, anyways, you guys, go support Justin on all of the platforms. Go watch the episodes with E5 South, and, um, go watch him perform because he's really funny. Comment, like, share, subscribe, and I hope you enjoyed this episode.

I hope they did too.

Yeah, and do men love bitches though?

Yeah.

You just love women.

Oh, you know, but no, I don't like bitches. 'Cause my definition of a bitch is not nothing good.

Right, that's what I'm saying.

Bitches need to stay far, far away. But hoes, whores, scallywags, Pull up anytime you want to.

That's a lie. He's not gonna let you in the house. You're gonna be outside. Depends what you bring.

As far as— yeah, I'll get a room. I'll come to your spot. Damn. Yeah, I don't get my address out from there.

Don't be careful, especially here.

Yeah, you come over there if you want to on the bullshit. I promise you somebody gonna come over there and touch your neck.

Touch the neck?

Looking for a pulse. Oh, you know what that means. Damn.

Okay, yeah, let's not, let's not do that. Anyways, you guys, comment, like, share, subscribe, and we'll see you in the next one. Bye!