How to Walk Into Any Room With Power | Letta J

Hi guys, welcome back to Talk Less Show. And I'm a little bit concerned and confused why you guys are not subscribing to the show, because I see you're watching and we got like 85% of people not subscribed to my channel. So before we get into this, please hit the subscribe button, hit the like button, leave us a comment, let us know what you think. And let me do an introduction of today's guest because I've wanted this woman on my show for a very long time, ever since I met her. And I asked her, I said, you're gonna be on my show. And now finally the moment came true. Listen, like I always say, block Block out the noise. Focus on what's real. Stay with what matters. This is where grind meets growth. This is where stories break silence and build legacy. This is Talk Less. Talk less, do more. So today's guest is a woman who doesn't just sit in big rooms, she shapes them. She was raised singing in front of thousands as the youngest member of the Grammy-winning Potter's House Choir. Presence has never been the challenge. Her move to New York City led to to a catalog of over 100 records and a career built on storytelling and impact. Today, she's the founder and CEO of Coexistent Gaming, a New York-based tech company redefining community in the gaming and creator space, including building Times Square's first membership-based gaming lounge. This conversation is about love stories or labels. It's about her journey, about presence, about becoming a powerhouse as a woman, shifting culture, learning how women build influence without losing themselves. Please welcome to Talk Less Show, Jay!

Hey girl, hey! Thank you. I feel like I'm on Club Shay Shay. I was like, that was a lovely introduction.

You know I love you. So, and she goes by Letta J as an artist. She's just a beautiful soul, and I'm so glad that our paths crossed.

Thank you. Same.

You guys, every single episode of Talk Less Show is brought to you by talkless.shop, where you can shop our merch. You can get the hoodies on there. You can get t-shirts. Different patterns, different colors. We have green, we have beige, we have black, we have gray. We have so many different street style fits that you can buy on there. So I'll see you on talkless.shop.

Very much so.

So, okay, before we get into the conversation, every person that comes on my show, they answer this one question. If there's one thing you can talk less about, what would it be?

D-E-N-I.

What's that?

DEI.

DEI? Oh, I was like, do you mean— okay, DEI.

I want to talk less about it because it shouldn't exist in the first place.

Talk to me.

We don't need initiatives to be fair and just. We just need to be— we need to focus on the excellence that people of color automatically bring to every space. The initiative means that you're not doing your job.

That's so true. Didn't we talk about that at the event that we were just at with the— with our friend Sarah? Yeah. And I know that's controversial.

Deal. I've definitely been on panels where people, after they say, how has DEI affected your business? And I said, it hasn't, because I didn't build my business. I don't want your affirmative action money. I want not the philanthropic budget, I want the full budget. Don't give me $250K, I want the $2 million you have allocated, because the level of excellence is here. That's what we're doing. That's what we build. We build ecosystems, right? So why are you allocating and siphoning off this noble money. These ain't reparations. I'm not here for that.

That's a big thing. And, you know, when I did the episode with Charleston White, a lot of people were talking about reparations and I'm like, wait, hold up.

It's not going to happen, y'all. It's not going to happen. But I say that, you know, and I mean it, like, talk— talking less about things that don't need to be discussed. Let's put the action toward it. Let's just redirect the narrative. And change the perspective.

Mm-hmm.

If you just focus on who does the work and not make it a, a gender normative thing, a racial thing, then you just get to the work, you get to the excellence, and you get to the budget.

That is amazing that you get into this conversation because I feel like a lot of times I would sit across people and they would say, well, it's because you're white. And I'm like, but there's still work that has to be done regardless of me being white, being a woman, being tall, short, Russian, blonde, brunette, whatever, it doesn't matter because—

what?

It— but, but like hot or ugly, it don't matter because you know it, that it's about you walking into the room, not only having the presence in the room, but also staying in the room.

Yeah.

And, and, and, and shifting the narrative to the point where as a business owner, you know, I need this and this and this and you gotta give it to me. Yeah. How did you get to that point?

I learned I had to start kicking doors down with my heels on.

Okay.

And I think in the music industry, it's really interesting. So you can parallel it to any business.

Mm-hmm.

You walk in a room, a talent, and you are at the behest of the engine. You need them more than they need you. Largely, you're disposable.

Right.

And I learned never to be disposable. So I don't walk into rooms without leverage. I completely understand why these companies need what I built way more than I will need them. They need cultural bridges. They need authenticity. They need what we've built. They need our perspectives. And we naturally come with that. So building that infrastructure is what empowered me to really walk in that power. I walk into the room with CEOs of billion-dollar companies all the time because I understand my contribution. I understand that this is my meeting because they see the value in what I've built. And if they don't completely see it, it's my responsibility to show them. But I'm not pitching you. I'm helping you understand the opportunity in front of you. If you're too short-sighted to understand how to capitalize on it, that's a you problem.

But this confidence has to come from something, right? It's like you said, you were knocking on the doors with your heels. So when you first started—

kicking down doors—

kicking down doors, when you first started.

Yeah.

How did you feel? Because this is, this is what we see is the end result of it. But I want to know, how did you start? Because a lot of people who are watching, they're, they're trying to get to that level. But there's a lot of doubt that happens with it.

So much doubt. I mean, look, I started out as an artist, you know, when I moved to New York, I didn't know anyone. And that's not an uncommon story. I got scammed out of everything. I lost it all. It's like, it's like the New York inception story, you know? But I think as an artist, you are— what I love about the artist community is that you are always kind of searching for community. So you meet producers and, you know, you know, songwriters and just like other talent, and you guys form this bond over trying to find your voice and distinguish yourself from the other, the masses of artists out there. You don't— I don't know if you have a real sense of self as an artist all the time. And you kind of learn to fake it. You like put it on. You know, because when you're on stage, that is a part of what you're doing. Yeah, you step into a place where you understand you command the audience. You got to shake it off, you know? But when you're in some of those rooms and you're having conversations with the, you know, the executive of a label or, you know, maybe certain A&Rs, they're very much looking at you like, prove why you should be in this room.

Right.

You know, and it's so much ego and you just feel like Wait, what is it about me that— like, and so it's not really— I didn't— I don't know if I really had that confidence in the beginning. I knew I could sing really well, but then, you know, you're a songwriter and you're creating songs that people love, but you don't know if they're good because good is determined by a hit record.

By the numbers. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. Like analytics. Like, that's a hit record. You know, it can feel good and be resonant and all that stuff. And so if you don't walk in the room with that, you don't— I don't think you have— always have the confidence to know, "No, this is a hit record." I don't know if you could hear it or not. And so you usually not like that as an artist. After I lost my first record deal, it was a very devastating moment for me. I was signed under a label under Motown. I had a penthouse in Jersey City. I had a house in Orlando and an apartment in LA. And I could not— I was like, "I don't think I can afford my life anymore." It was a very devastating reality because I moved to New York to accomplish this thing, and I did it.

Mm-hmm.

And I felt very lost. And it was that— in that moment. And I really just— I really thank God for all these experiences because— especially the dark ones.

Mm-hmm.

Because it forces you to look at who you are. And I decided in that moment, I will never feel this disposable again, ever. No one will ever be able to discard me or throw me away because I will bring too much value. That was the beginning of me stepping into being an entrepreneur. I built my first business and I was like, I know that I'm good at a lot of things and I'm passionate about a lot of things. What can I do that will allow me to generate money quickly, but then also be in a place where I was in control. That was important to me. And I think the confidence started to be built even more so because I started making money from something that I built from nothing. And my first company was a wine education company.

Okay.

Because I'm always, you know, I'm a voracious reader. I've always been really academic. And because I'm from the hood, girl, and the only way to get out— my abuelita was like, you want to get out, you got to educate yourself. So I always— so I did, and I played that game really well.

Yeah.

Um, and I started this company, and I worked in food and beverage since I was 12. I'm really passionate about wine, became a wine sommelier. And so I started teaching these classes, leveraging like my friends who had wine shops and stuff, ended up getting my own wine studio and teaching over 55,000 people in New York. And trajectory to change the trajectory of my business from B2C to B2B. So my first client was American Express and it just changed everything and it made me this businesswoman and I had green hair, a green mohawk. So I was always this very non-conventional CEO. Yeah, but that was the confidence because it was kind of like I became that girl.

I feel like you always have to get hit so hard, so you hit the rock bottom and you just have to sit and look from afar like, oh shit, well, I got this and this and this. How am I going to keep up with all of that?

There's only up.

There's only up.

Like, when you're there, you can only go up. For real, there's no lower.

And I feel like a lot of times, like, I know this one person right now who's trying to become an artist too, and I literally told my friend, I was like, I don't think he's got enough drive in him because he hasn't hit that low to the point where it pushed him to actually go and try. Because just making music is not going to get you anywhere. Like with any business, just doing a podcast is not going to get you anywhere. You need to go and look for sponsorships. You need to go and be told no 25 million times. People are going to say no. Like, you can't get big guests all the time, you know, like you have to build relationships. So it's— there's so much work that goes behind every single business that you step into. But it's like you really got to be like kicked down to the bottom so you can be like, oh, actually it's not that bad.

Yeah, no, no, it's true. And it's like everybody's bottom is different, you know? But it matters that you just life, if you open to it and you want to be great and you want to progress, life will put you in a position where you just have to ask yourself real questions.

For sure. Um, what people actually assumed about you before, you know, you became this person that was not true at all?

Um, you know, there's a lot of preconceived notions, I think, um, that a lot of people thought I— that's a good question. I have to think about that. There's probably different iterations of it.

Mm-hmm.

You know, as an artist, people look at you and decide who you are. Mm-hmm. You know, so they don't know that I'm Dominican. They don't know that Spanish is my first language. They don't know that, that my parents are pastors. So my style of music was— is really kind of like rooted in a lot of gospel. But because of Hispanic culture. And my— on my mom's— my dad's side of the family, they're like my cousins, my brothers, because my dad's girlfriend, she was Mexican. So I actually grew up with a very strong Mexican— like Hispanic, but very Mexican specifically— cultural influence. So there's just like a very broad, like, array of musical genres that impacted me as an artist. So I was just really eclectic stylistically, and it made me a versatile writer. So I think people were kind of like, "No, no, no, you look like this, you fit in this box." So that's like the one thing you're trying to transform that narrative and kind of like create a new one. As now in my life, Jesus, everyone, I mean, I'm in rooms with billionaires, like often having dinner and people are like, "Oh." What, what athlete is she with? Who's she sleeping with? And they have that. That's one of the number one things I face. I'm always just like, you know, I just— but I take it in stride because I understand that they see this woman drenched in Fendi and they don't know my journey and they don't know me.

Right.

And it's—

but it's refreshing when I walk on stage after the introduction and I'm the keynote loudspeaker, and that you walk into the room and you shake CEO's hand, and not their assistant, not their, you know, managers, the CEOs. And when I say CEOs of very large companies, you guys, when I first met Jay, when we had the conversation, she dropped some names as far as her sponsors are for her new space, and I was like, wait, hold up. Me being in, me being in tech sales, like, I understand the difficulty of getting to the C-level suite of any company. You gotta, you gotta try, you gotta do backflips, I don't know, you gotta send gift baskets. There's so much stuff that you have to do in order to even get a meeting with them. I'm not even saying like shake their hand, and it's not just like, oh, let me reach out on LinkedIn. No, you gotta go step, step, steps so you can get in the room with that person. And Jay got access to those people, and that's what was so mesmerizing to me, that you— I remember one of the first things you told me I don't take meetings unless it's the C-suite. And you were like, no, I mean it. I was like, wait, she named companies. I was like, what? How is this even real?

I've wasted enough time with people who have fancy titles, but they have no power.

Mm-hmm.

If I need capital, they don't deploy capital, then I don't need to meet with them.

Right. But again, that you have to like— I think what I want you to do is give people a blueprint on how do you get to this level, because It sounds great. It sounds amazing. But at the same time, if I were to sit down right now and I have a business and I don't know where to start, what would you tell people? This is where you begin positioning.

First of all, it starts with the vision. I always say that you have to know, you have to not only know what you want in terms of a dream, but be able to define it.

Mm-hmm.

Define it verbally and written like you need. If you listen with anything, you cannot convey your point unless you learn how to express it.

Right.

So understanding exactly what you want, like knowing that, 'cause that's a task within itself. But then when you know it, and I said, I wanna build this large thing that's gonna create global impact. That's what I wanted. I started somewhere and I understood, okay, how do I maximize and really grow this, this thing, this is like phase 1. In order to get to phase 2, I need this one to be successful.

Mm-hmm.

And you're constantly redefining and creating the narrative.

Mm-hmm.

But it's because I'm so hyperfocused on what I want, I'm creating the phases, or I've outlined them so that I follow the blueprint that I've created. And I understood after, like, in the journey, you learn who waste your time. It's a part of learning, and it's okay because I don't want to say it has to happen because I don't want to dictate someone else's journey. I kind of don't want it to happen for other people. I don't want them to waste as much time. I think learning how to— first of all, there's a language, like business is a language and it's pretty universal when it comes to some things. So there are— there's a C-suite and these positions have these letters for reasons and they come with job descriptions. Understanding what a chief marketing officer is and what they're responsible for. Should help you understand if you need to meet with them and what they're likely to control. Thankfully, now in this information age, AI is your friend and it is a tool that we can readily use. And for the first time, it's the— it's more consumer-facing than it's ever been. So you can leverage that as a tool to understand what is the C-suite and what are their jobs, what are they responsible for, and what budgets do they control? And for me, I realized after having all these meetings with people who, oh, I worked with Microsoft. It's like, okay, you and 100,000 other people.

Then what's the— what do you do there?

I'm not impressed that you work at Microsoft. It's like, congratulations, I'm really happy for you. But I need to get to this person. And usually the people I need to get to are not easily accessible because I don't even want to be easily accessible.

Right.

And I know that they're working for a trillion-dollar company. So I have to make sure that I do what I need to do in order to not just be in front of them randomly, but I position myself. So one, even if I am at a conference or a summit, I make sure that when I shake their hand, I'm memorable. And so I say something, I do, I've done some level of due diligence to be able to say, "Hey, I really love how you created that thing that you did. You did that." And they're like, "Thank you. I really appreciate you even noticing. Of course." Listen, I'd love to connect with you. Can we connect on LinkedIn? One, that particular connection right there makes the algorithm work in your favor because it opens up another network. And then while you're talking to them, right, because like you're ready for this moment, it's preparation and then positioning those things for sure, right? And so you're prepared for the moment, you've positioned yourself to capitalize on that moment. And then they say, you know, so like, wait, tell me, tell me exactly what have you got going on? That's your moment. And you got to be— you got to be quick about it. Like, you got to think you have 60 seconds. If Instagram gave you 60 seconds of capturing someone's attention, how much time do you think you have with someone who's making millions off of their brain?

Mm-hmm.

So that's your moment. You just got to really be ready for it if that's what you're working toward.

That's beautiful. That's amazing. And I think that's so true, too, because a lot of people don't realize that You really gotta walk in with value even though you don't have the pitch ready. You can still create something like you can literally just explain and say, this is my vision, this is what I see. I might not have it ready, but this is what, oh my God, I'm just having déjà vu moment right now.

It's true.

But it's true. It's like you really have to create something where they can be like, you know, I can help you.

Yeah.

Where you gotta trigger that. Okay, now we can make connections.

It's true. And I mean, you know, surrounding yourself with people that can support you. That's what helps you refine the vision, right?

And ask for help.

Absolutely. Because, oh my God, please, God, let me— oh my God, please let me say this, especially to Black people. Like, for real, specifically us, because we are so systematically disenfranchised. It is what it is. Right? Like when I say I don't want to talk about— I want to talk less about DEI, that's very different than talking about systemic disenfranchisement. But because of it, we can't let the system win. It's not broken. It was designed this way. And you just got to know that if you want to build an empire, nobody builds it by themselves. Nobody. So while you out here working alone, we're not outnumbered. We're outorganized. And we need to find that tribe and build that community, connect with people, think collaboratively. My agency is called Coexist because every time I meet someone, I'm like, how can we coexist? That's the energy. And I want you to know off the bat that I'm here for partnership. I'm here for collaboration because I'm building empires. I can't do it alone and I don't want to.

No, you can't. There's no way because you're going to run yourself to the ground to burn out. Also, it is very real. And the thing is, what's happening is you're only spinning in your own circle versus versus spinning in multiple circles. So now you're, you're attached to multiple brains, and if you put all these brains together, you can create something so much more powerful. Yeah, that's why I'm always like, I'm always talking to people. I might not have a big team, but I'm always having conversations and conversing with ChatGPT. Oh my God, it's been the best thing in the world. But when did you realize that you were actually meant to lead instead of being like a participant?

I think You know, it's interesting. I do feel like leaders are born. Mm-hmm. And then I think the skills you're born with, you hone.

Mm-hmm.

I've always been a leader and I never tried to be. I didn't think about anything that way. But I think a person that truthfully knows kind of— it's a personality thing, for one. I'm just really outgoing. I've always been an extrovert since I was really little, I never shut the hell up. And so the fact that I actually get paid to talk is a blessing. My mom and I make fun of this, but, you know, people trust qualities in people and it makes them want to follow. And people are really ones who decide who their leader is. I'm just being right. I'm just being. But in me being who I am, it's like I'm moving in this direction because I'm compelled to go this way. But along that way, if someone says, yo, wait, wait, so like, where are you going? And I'm like, oh, I'm going in this direction. It's like, oh, can I go with you? I was like, what do you want to go for? Well, I'd love to learn a little bit more about why you want to go in that direction. I said, all right, cool, let's go. And now as you continue moving in the direction, You meet people and other people have people. And now you are a leader simply because they believe that wherever you go, they're willing to follow because they trust your direction.

That's— wow, that is so true. I never thought about it that way. That is so accurate.

It's a beautiful blessing. It's heavy sometimes because you may not have asked for all these people to follow you.

Right.

But you were bid to lead them.

Yeah. And then they're coming along on the journey and they love and support you.

Yeah.

And I think blindly. Blindly.

You know what I mean? Yeah, they can be for sure.

And I think it's always this narrative. So I was just on this other podcast and somebody asked me about attracting the men that I want. And they said, what do you need to do? I said, I just need to exist. And you know how mad people get about the fact that you said I'm just being. Because to us as a normal state, we're just being, and we deserve to be followed, loved, appreciated, supported just because we exist. And I think that this narrative, especially in American culture, is shifted to, okay, who are you? Why do I need to love you? And so now everything is a business capitalistic mind versus like this other spiritual side.

Well, yeah, I definitely think there is— the spiritual is very important, right? But I do think we are spirits. In human bodies.

Right.

Right. So it's not one-sided. So there is the natural inclination, maybe like inherent propensity you have to be a leader. But then the second part I said was also hone it because there are cult leaders, right? And they're leaders, but they're leading people to death in like less fortunate situations. So you decide what kind of leader you want to be. I decided I wanted to be a transformational leader. I wanted to not just lead in a direction, but I wanted to challenge the people that chose to follow me to be their best iteration of themselves as they continue in the direction. I'm not a micromanager, but I'm a, I'm an infrastructure builder. So I, I like building systems and operations because I understand that that foundation is so solid. You can grow it, you can build on top of it and it won't collapse. And so a lot of what bothers me when I'm always, you know, I have my little rants where I'm like, I'm surrounded by incompetence, you know? But the thing is, a lot of people don't understand structure, foundation, and how necessary it is. You want to build a mansion, but this is not the right soil. So you're going to build this beautiful house and it will not withstand the weather that's forthcoming. Yeah, right. It's not going to withstand it at all. And you didn't think about the foundation you needed to build. You just saw the allure of what you romanticized existing. And so I love to build the foundation. It's work and it's not pretty because you are in the throes of whatever it is and you're taking this thing out of your head. You see the mansion and people are like, yo, yo, yo, you like this, you like this. I go, yeah, I know. But first off, I got to lay this cement and I have to condition the ground because it can't be lopsided. You know what I mean? And so it's, it's honing the kind of leader that you want to be is a really important decision. I think you make once you understand that you have leadership skills.

I love that. I also want to ask you, as I know that, but I want you to tell people.

Yeah.

Where did you go to school?

Like, what do you mean?

You went to school, right? You had it. You went to a university.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where'd you go?

I went to a few schools, but I think you're referencing Stanford.

Yes. And I just want to say that if anybody knows what it's like to get into Stanford, it's almost impossible. It's like it's what, it's a 2% chance, 1% chance. I don't know if statistics anymore. It's, it's, it's, it's very unlikely to get into Stanford because acceptance rates are very low. So I assume you've been a very, very smart girl since you were a baby. Yeah.

I mean, when I said I grew up with my, my grandmother telling me, because I grew up literally in the hood. Like South Dallas, and you're just surrounded by poverty. And she was just like, education is literally your way out. And she was like, and it's free because you decide what you want to do with it. And she gave me books, and my stepfather gave me encyclopedias, and my parents are pastors, so I was reading the Bible. And literally, I remember not reading books without having— literally, I have a nickname in Dallas. They call me Miriam Webbs. Master. So I would literally read books with a dictionary next to me because if I didn't know words, I had to know the word and what it meant. But I was always— I did, I excelled in school. I was number one in my class, like all these things, class president, all that stuff, most likely to succeed, all these things. But it was, you know, it was a personality thing too. But I think it's just being really ambitious and tenacious and driven, like The only way I'm going to get out of this is if I choose to, but it's up to me. And so if all I have to do is learn stuff, well, let me learn stuff, you know? And then I think there's a difference in learning stuff and then learning what to do with the stuff you learned.

Yeah. How did you transition that? Because it's, it's, it's a difference between tactical knowledge and practical knowledge, right? So tactical knowledge is when you're learning all of this, you know, you go into encyclopedia and you're highlighting a lot of things. You might be watching a lot a lot of stuff, whatever that is, because everybody's learning in a different way. But how do you move that and then apply into the practical knowledge? Because a lot of times I feel like I can tell with myself, I have this tactical knowledge, I have a lot of it. But then when it's time for the practical knowledge itself, because now you see this like, oh my God, this is all I have to do. And it's like, how do you dissect that? And how do you do that?

I think I have to pay homage to my spirituality when it comes to things like that. My mom has always said I was wise beyond my years. And knowledge is information, right? But wisdom is the application of that knowledge, right? So there's a huge difference. Usually wisdom a lot of times comes with age because it comes with experience. But growing up spiritually, my, my parents, my father specifically, my stepdad was a teacher. And so I grew up really like hearing and reading these biblical stories about how people moved because they not only knew things, but they understood what to do with the knowledge they had. Mm-hmm. And that was wisdom. And I've— I wanted to be wise.

Mm-hmm.

Like, King Solomon was the wisest man alive. And the thing is, God said he could have anything he wanted, but he wanted wisdom. And if I'm like 8, 9, and I'm hearing that, it's like, Well, geez, what is so powerful about wisdom? And it's like, well, I want that too. And I think when you're like, you're like really young, these are your formative years. It's conditioning your mind to become a certain person. If you are craving wisdom, that means that things that are surface and just tangible, one, they stop appealing to you. You're unimpressed by them because you're like, geez, that's actually not hard to obtain. If you work hard, you're diligent, persevering, disciplined. We know these things, right? You can earn money. Money comes, money goes. It's transient that way. But there are some things that become a part of you. And when you are wise, you make good decisions. Because a wise person knows, they take that knowledge, they understand how to apply what they know, and they say, that looks good, but that's not a wise decision. I'mma pass on that. And other people like, what? Look, because I've walked away from $25 million before and that company does not exist. And believe me, there was pushback from some of my team members who I'm not with anymore because they were too short-sighted. I go, do you trust my leadership? Then you got to trust that this is not it. Give them a reason why. It's like, I'm not making this arbitrary decision, but that's wisdom. And I think that that is what you learn, kind of the differentiation between knowledge and how to apply it.

Yeah, that's so true, because I think a lot of people, especially in this common day and age, a lot of people, they don't have the discernment, they don't have the wisdom. And a lot of times I can tell when I'm speaking, I kind of shut up and I just go inside because I'm like, they're not hearing me. This is not the room that I should be in. It doesn't matter what I say because I'm not going to be heard. That sucks. But it's the reality of it. And so sometimes it's okay to just shut up and just observe and just exist and just be like, you know what? It's okay. I don't need to sit here and be like, but I think, right? It don't matter.

It's true, actually. There's a lot of power in silence.

It's so powerful. And sometimes, you know, if I would be around a lot of people— I'm very extroverted but also very introverted. If I'd be around a lot of people, I can just go internal because I'm like, well, this person is trying to jump out and get attention. This person is trying to jump out, get attention. Okay, get attention.

It's true.

And somehow people always know that I'm in the room. I'm present. I'm just quiet. Yeah, somewhere in the back.

A lot of power when you walk in a room and you're—

it is a lot of power.

Silence speaks louder than words.

It is, it is. And I think I really want you to give this perspective to women as far as the leadership goes, because I think a lot of us are just very— it's not that we have the doubt, but it's like we're so pressed by the fact that, you know, bigger companies are run by males and predominantly white males. And, you know, they're 40s, 50s, 60s. And there's always this narrative, like, I felt that multiple times walking into rooms where all those men are sitting at me and looking at me like, what are you doing here? And when I open up my mouth and they're like, oh, we can hear her. Okay. Like, yeah, she knows what she's talking about, right? But what would you tell women that, you know, that are trying to step into that leadership role? What's the advice that you can give them?

Do it afraid. It's not— it's not— you got to just do it afraid. And the same way we psych ourselves up to kind of do anything that's a challenge, you got to speak words of life into yourself. The book that I'm writing is a book that is a daily read, that it's like there's so much power that we will internally but we don't exist in it. Like you talk about existing. There's just a mental shift that has to happen. You know, you hear all these things like never let them see you sweat. All that stuff is true, though, because your personal and private moments are yours. What you do with them matters. But when you're out in the world, you are your greatest representation. And I say I'm my brand every day. And You got to just speak the kind of life into yourself that allows your manifestation to pair itself with your action to command the life you want. It's a— it's a real thing because I'm not— you got to do the action, you got to do the work, but you don't do the work if you don't decide you want to work. Like everything starts in your mind. And I remember my— in my second book, which I haven't released because you were like, where do I find it? It's not out. But I wrote my first book when I was 19.

Okay.

And there was this sermon that Bishop Jakes is like a, like a spiritual father to me, his wife, Sarita. And I grew up, you know, with them at the Potter's House and stuff. So he was preaching about a mansion mentality.

Okay. What is that?

It was just, it's like, it was just understanding that you may not be currently where you're going to be, but are you mentally there? And I remember my first year in college, I had a part-time job. So one, I'm like the product of amazing internships, like shout out to InRoads because it was an amazing organization that took high school seniors to college juniors and placed them right in the middle of Fortune 500 companies as interns. And but the thing is, I worked my study. I studied electrical engineering in undergrad and but I loved hospitality and I was actually really bored. It was like in corporate America. I was personally. And so I would get up at 6 in the morning to go work, get off at 3 so I could get my like 8 hours in and drive to The Mansion on Turtle Creek. I would drive there. I worked there, and you had to be there 4 o'clock. And I remember meeting Mark Wahlberg and like Oprah Winfrey. And this is a place in Dallas, right? Now I'm just a reservationist. I'm just a hostess.

Okay.

But I remembered that sermon because I had a mansion mentality before I ever saw a mansion, because I was in that restaurant and I was like I belong here and I have to make sure that I live my life so that whenever I want to be here, that I'm always welcome in spaces like this. And so that mansion mentality became a part of who I am. So you— it starts in your mind, like mentally, what that mind do. Really, though. And I want all the women to know. That's where it starts. You got to know your her. Say whatever you need to say to look in that mirror and be like, girl, you were meant to be her. Now go act like it.

Talk less, do more.

That part.

Go act like it. It's so true. I just read The Secret yet again because I have a lot of people that come on my show. Literally everybody talks about manifestation manifestation, because a lot of people who come on my show, they're all prominent people. They're all people of, you know, great status, like amazing success. And everybody's talking about manifestation. And it's so beautiful because I started like telling myself I'm too realistic. I need to be more in the clouds and I need to really manifest. And I really need to write because I know you write a lot. I don't really write a lot. And so now I'm trying to make sure that I can write so I can slow down my thoughts. That process because I have like 5 million thoughts that are happening at once. And I need to make sure that I can like put it all, you know, like you said, like if it's— if I'm given 60 seconds, I'm probably going to go for 3 hours. It's like nobody's going to pay attention to that because you really have to condition yourself to like, okay, yes, I got 60 seconds. I ain't got no more time. That's it.

Yeah. Take the vision. Yeah. Make it plain.

Plain.

Yeah. The more complicated it is, it's too convoluted. You got to be able to see it clearly. Like, clear as day. Like, I'm seeing you. That's how you need to see what you want.

And then build from there.

Absolutely. Yeah.

Because I think every time when they talk manifestation, it's like— and I always say, like, people think it's such a grand thing or it's something so, you know, out of this world. Even when people talk about Bible, like, it sounds like as if we're reading something so above abnormal, so outstanding, but it's very simple and it's just a story.

It's true. You gotta find the version that you can read without being confused, because King James is a lot. But there are— yeah, I agree with you. Um, I manifest everything that I want in my life. I really do. For me, and it's interesting because manifestation is different than prayer, right? Right. For me. Prayer is like my conversations with my creator. And I'm like having these moments where I'm sharing what my heart wants and I'm listening to what God wants and allowing God to speak in my life. The manifestation is, believe it or not, the more— like when I say physical part, it's, it's spiritual, but it's very mental. It's like channeling the thing that you dream about, that you want, that you desire so much that if it cost you nothing, you would want it anyway.

Mm-hmm.

Like that. Because like a lot of— we make decisions based off monetization.

Mm-hmm.

It's like if you already had everything you could ever imagine, what do you want? And that when you manifest and you start thinking about touching it, smelling it, feeling it. Like it has— when I say take the vision, it has to be so plain that you're like, "Oh, I— like, I really— I really could have that so deeply. It's already mine." Yeah. And you start moving like it's yours and you develop a gravitational pull where things start magnetizing to you.

It's crazy how it works.

I meant that post I put when I said I manifested powerful and incredible, remarkable women in my life this year. And I have made fast friends because the moment we met, the symbiosis was so synergistic that we were like, oh yeah, this is going to be my girl.

Right.

And I just go and I go, God, you doing your thing. Because I know that I manifested them. And I'm talking about women who are not just easily accessible. We don't even live in the same place, but we are exactly in the same place in these moments. Yeah, because I manifested them in my life.

Yeah.

And some of them specifically them.

Right. That's amazing.

Yeah.

And, you know, I do want to share that moment that we, we were just at this beautiful bridal shower with Sarah, who is going to get married and February. And, you know, once all of the shenanigans, all the party stuff kind of like wind down, we had a group of women who sat in the room, right? And I'm telling you guys, I've never felt such a shift in my life. And I've always had more guy friends than women friends. And this year I also said, I really want to feel that power of friendships of like women. I just want to be connected with my own kind because I really want to step into that feminine. And And when we sat there, the energy in that room, and we had the most difficult conversations where usually people would storm out with emotions that everybody was sharing how they were feeling. And there was a lot of reflection going on, and there was a lot of communication that was happening. But it was kind of tense, but at the same time, it was so powerful and it was so connecting that we were not even a part of all of it.

No, but we were just observing.

We were just observing. But we sat into it. We looked at each other and we were like, Wow. Yeah, this is powerful.

It was beautiful because we were looking at emotional maturity and intelligence in action and all these different strong personalities and beautiful women that were accomplished.

Yes.

Having real conversations. And it ended beautifully. That's exactly what it should be like.

It's such a powerful sisterhood that I was like, I literally like, I have chills thinking about that moment because You know, we just— when you walk out of the room and you literally tell everybody, I love you. Yeah. And you give a hug to everybody and you mean it. Yes. Listen, and I'm not the person that says I love you a lot, but it was such a powerful, connected moment that I was like, oh my God, I need to tell people I love them more because it means so much. And it's like the connection that you can have, especially between women, that I'm like, now I get it why women stand up for women so much. I get it why we're trying to push this powerhouse narrative, because we deserve it. And, and I, and I get it, women can be lost, and I think men can be lost, and I think men need to have those moments with each other too, because those are the conversations that shift narratives. Those are the conversations that move people.

I do. And I think, I think they do. And I'm going to say something, I think it might be triggering for some people, but you know, high emotion, low intelligence.

Yeah.

And I mean that across the board because there were a lot of emotions that were happening, right?

Painful.

And the thing is, emotions are human. Men are emotional, women are emotional, and that is perfectly fine. But I can be like, yo, I'm so mad at you and I can go off on you.

Mm-hmm.

High emotion.

Mm-hmm.

Low intelligence. Because the truth is, I can actually make you feel my pain by being way more calm and understanding that I'm so angry with you right now. I can't even— I can't even be around you in this moment. I need to take space because I'm so disappointed in what you did. I thought you were my girl, that you had my back. But this, this, and this happened. And I literally need to take a moment from you. High intelligence, low emotion. But those emotions are real and they're felt. But you were like— it hits differently than someone yelling and screaming at you because Everybody— but that happens in relationships all the time. One thing I loved about being in that room, and this is indicative to like male-female relationships, romantic relationships, it doesn't matter who it's with.

Mm-hmm.

It was that everybody loved each other in that room. So there were so many strong emotions.

Yeah.

But because the intelligent quotient was so much higher than just the pure emotion where you didn't know know how to articulate what you felt.

Mm-hmm.

Peace happened. It ended beautifully. Relationships could be like that. But a lot of times the emotion takes precedent. You argue with each other, you fighting each other because you're not communicating what you feel.

Yeah.

You allow your emotions to take so much precedent that now you're irrational and impulsive and potentially violent. But it doesn't have to ever get there if you are in a position to be like, yo, can we talk about this for real? Because we can't keep doing that. Like, one, you're exhausted. It's just a bunch of negative stuff that happens simply because the intellectual in that part of the mind was not as engaged as the pure, raw emotions that were unfiltered, unadulterated, and emotions can make us come across very unhinged.

Yeah. And being vulnerable too. But being vulnerable to the point where one thing I've noticed, every single person that was in that room, first of all, mind you, people, a lot of people have seen each other for the first time. Yeah. Like we've never, you know, some of us we've, we've just met, right? Like it was literally first time. Yeah. You probably met majority of people for the first time. Yeah. But every single person that was speaking was coming from I, me, not you did that, you did that. I felt, right? And that was the most powerful thing to say. Or like, if somebody was sharing their experience, it was when I had that moment, right? This is what was going on, right? And it wasn't like you, right? You, you, right? No, it was I feel. And I think that that's something that people really need to take into consideration when they're having those conversations.

And it was accepted. It was accepted when you shared your feelings were validated.

Yeah.

Because it's like, you have the right to feel that. Thank you for sharing that. Now I understand how you feel.

Yeah. Another powerful moment that we had this weekend too, and going back to manifestation, we actually did this thing, morning vision, where we wrote for 5 minutes and then we shared that vision and everybody just shared that moment. So everybody was visualizing the moment. And I've never done that before with people in the room where I spoke what I felt. It was scary. It was very scary because it's something that's so dear to me. And I said that to you before, that I'm not the person that speaks. Like, I can ask questions. I will always get things out of people, but I rarely speak my mind or speak how I feel or what's going on in my head. And for the first time, I was like, whoa, this is my vision, this is what I feel. And I didn't feel like I'm going to get attacked for it or somebody's going to make fun of me. I felt so supported and so loved. And every woman that went around, because it was like 5 of us, and when we went in the circle and we shared our visions and our moments and everybody had their own moment and it's like you just truly feel it, I was like, wow, this is so powerful. And I've never had that experience with women specifically.

I think we need to to take that same approach with our relationships. And if a woman is dating a man, right, or in any romantic relationship.

Yeah.

Because, um, I have some of my closest friends are men, and one of them said earlier this year, men don't get to feel. And it really hurt me that he felt that, that he believed that. And I honestly think that a lot of men feel that way especially Black men.

Yeah.

Because we live in a society that tries to tell them how they should feel and a system that tries to make them feel weak for emoting. And I do think that it— I take it as a personal responsibility for my male friends to carve out space for them to share what they feel and to talk about what they feel. Because the truth is, I don't know if men have a lot of outlets, which is why I think there's so many podcasts that men are just talking because I don't know if they feel like anyone's really listening.

Yeah.

And they have so many emotions too. And I say that just because the same things we learn and heal within our relationships with our friends, we really need to apply that to our romantic partners because the truth is they should be friends too. That's a part of that foundation we should build because you treat the relationship differently. They don't have to be your bestie,. But like having that friendship, I think has a sustaining power that romantic relationships in and of itself may not sustain.

But how do you distinguish? Because I feel like that's, that's a great point. I agree with you. I think that it's important to make men feel seen, heard, and understand that we want you to have emotions. It's important to us, especially as women, and it's not weak.

It's not feminine to have emotions, but that they're valid.

Yeah. You know, but my question is, when men do that, especially with women, how do you distinguish? Because I feel like that vulnerable moment can put you in a place where, oh, are we— is there something more between us because we're doing this, like, deep, vulnerable conversation? Or is it just, I see you as a human? Because I think it puts this both of genders into this weird space of, oh, where are we now?

No, I mean, I don't think— I don't think vulnerability has to equate to intimacy. I think vulnerability is acknowledging that I'm willing to let my guard down because I trust you. You've just created a safe space where we can both remove all of the certain levels of ego the things, the facade that we're supposed to wear. I trust you enough to, like, be my most available self with you. That doesn't mean that I want to be with you, you know what I mean? But again, if that's an energy that someone's feeling, you talk about it. There's no— I mean, like, the truth is that's a part of vulnerability. Yes, you have to be very careful with it because, you know, crossing that threshold has to be done with intention because, you know, it can make people feel uncomfortable. But really, I think everything really just— I think the power of communication is like a real thing. And yeah, I think, you know, vulnerability is just like I can be vulnerable with you, sharing with you what I feel, right? But then if I'm talking to, like, say, my guy friend or even my girlfriend, actually, and I think it's like you just kind of— it's vulnerability. The reason people aren't is because it's hard. It's not always easy to— you're being naked. And emotional nudity is way more unveiling and unearthing than where our bodies are already art.

Right.

So I can stand here physically naked. And the thing is, if I'm standing here physically naked, the only reason I would be uncomfortable is if I'm uncomfortable with me.

Right.

Because if I feel good about it, then I'm like, you're looking at art. I hope you can appreciate it. But emotional nudity is like, oh God, how much can they see?

Right.

How much do I want them to know? And to give someone that is— it's freeing, but it's scary.

It's terrifying because you don't know what they can do with it.

And I think the byproduct of that can be intimacy.

Mm-hmm.

You know what I mean? Because, like, intimacy is, in my opinion, not physical.

Mm-hmm.

Right. It's like those moments where we're in this safe space, we're in this little cove, this bubble.

Yeah.

Where no one else is allowed in here except for us because we've allowed it. If you want that intimacy to become physical, I think it's very different because that's a different conversation. And then you're like, what does this mean if you cross that barrier? Because you now have to be aligned, you know? So I think you have to decide if you want to really potentially complicate the friendship by introducing a physical connection. To it.

Yeah, because I think, um, having those moments, like, I can tell for myself it can be so confusing that I'm just like, hold up. But again, I think it's also because we're so conditioned to think that if that moment happens between a man and a woman, that means that, oh, now we're gonna date, now we're gonna be together, now this— like, it's like a natural, like, progression, right?

But I don't know, I, I operate— is this very controversial? And you know, it's interesting, I had a shout out tonight's conversation on one of this because True Fontaine said something that was so— it was so valid. It was almost triggering for me because I was like, I was like, oh my God, am I toxic? Like, it was dope because I, I think women have feminine and masculine energy. Men have feminine and masculine energy. I exist. I have existed before in a masculine energy because I have absolutely told men Listen, we're consenting adults. If we choose to engage in the sexual relationship, this does not mean we are dating. It does not mean we are in a relationship. It does not mean that I like you like that. It means that we are adults and we're making this decision. And what Tripp, I think I want to paraphrase it, what he said was, you can be honest and toxic at the same time. And I was like, ah!

Shout out to tonight's conversation.

Yo, for real though, Oh, because you know what that meant to me? Because what happened is I've done that.

Mm-hmm.

For real, I've done that a few times. Because for me, I was like, I'm gonna be transparent. I want them to know. Because here's the thing, and guys have done this with women too.

A lot.

If I tell a guy, we're not gonna be together even if we sleep together, what I actually just said to you is, you don't possess the qualities I want in a partner. I'll sleep with you, but I'm not— I don't want to be with you, right? Or I would never say that, and probably I probably wouldn't sleep with you not that early. Yeah, right. And guys do that too because they're trying to protect the woman's feelings. They're trying to gauge and create this foundation where they're like, a foundation of expectation. Hey, if we doing this, are you cool? It's consensual, we good? All right, now listen, I'm not really ready to be in a relationship. I'm not trying to be in a relationship. And they're saying this to this woman, and it's hard. I've said this to my girls before because it's a tough pill to swallow, but that man doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Now, that's not a reflection of you being bad, but it is a reflection of where they are and what they see and maybe what they don't see in that person. And I've done that same thing to men, and what happens is the men hear it and they do not believe it.

They don't believe it because they want to conquer now.

They want to conquer, and men are predators.

Yes.

And they're like, I'm about to conquer this, I'm about to make her rethink this. Because a lot of times men are more mental and emotional than they give themselves credit for. A lot of times a man sees a woman, and yes, he may desire her physically, but if he's talking to her, he desires her mentally. If he's connected with her, He wants her spiritually. That means you found a woman you actually want to partner with, and that woman just said, we can go here, but you're not what I'm looking for in a partner. And if you do it anyway, knowing that that man likes you like that, is it toxic?

Well, you put yourself in a bad position and you put him in a position that you didn't mean, right?

Yeah. So, but is it toxic?

I don't think it's toxic. I think it's, it's not toxic. It is a mind game. It's a different level. There's toxic and there is a mind game. And at the end of the day, you really have to go in and ask yourself, why are you doing this? Because I can tell you a lot of times I will talk to somebody and then the moment that they go distant or they get busy or something, my nervous system is going to tell me, oh, that's a friend. I'm going to place them in the friend category and that's it. And so, but that's— I know. Because they're busy? Because they're busy. And it's, well, if they haven't reached out in 2 days or something, to me it's like, okay, you don't like me, you don't want me. So my nervous system is just going to put me in, in this mode of like, that's a friend. But I do it because I have crazy anxiety. So like, I am, you know, I'm an extremely anxious person. And so for me, I was just talking to my therapist this morning. She said, for you, it's important to have structure and to have a plan. And if you don't have a plan, you're going to naturally choose not to engage because it doesn't give you safe and safety and peace. Your nervous system cannot operate in that. And so when I don't have clarity, I'm just not going to do that. And a lot of times it's hard for me to date because early on I want to understand where are you placing me? And I've told you that before because to me it's like, I don't know what you see. I only look at you. I don't know what you see. Yeah, you might see this pretty girl. I only know how I feel. And what I feel is not really pleasant because I've said that before, I have anxiety. And so you either gonna give me this reassurance, right, or you're just not gonna be a part of any of this.

You know, my guy, one of my guy friends told me, um, this is, there's a guy and he was interested in me and I was very confused because he was in a relationship.

Okay.

And I was like, and I asked my friend, I was like, like, what does he want from me? You know what I mean? Like, what does this married ass want from me?

Okay, what'd he say?

He goes, it's not even about you. And I was like, huh. It was like really interesting because I had to kind of sit on that. And I was like, what does that mean? And it's like, we're all living our individual experiences. The reality is, is if I tell a guy I'm not interested, in you beyond this physical moment, that's not really about him. It's about me. Mm-hmm. I'm making conscious decisions of where I've already contextualized this person. I've put them here because of me. I'm making this choice because of me. And so the reality is if we did that a little bit more, like kind of self-audited our choices before we even made them, we would probably make really different ones. Yeah.

How do you— because you've been married before, right? And how do you date now after being married? And especially you being this powerhouse of a woman. And I can only imagine that a man would have to really step into his power and he would have to be masculine in order to be with you. Because, you know, you don't need a man. You want a man. Mm-hmm.

I date really intentionally.

Um, what does that mean?

It means that I don't just go out on dates a lot with random people.

Okay.

Um, so, you know, it's funny, I was on this app one time and I'm texting this guy, you know, he's attractive, he's accomplished, blah blah. So I was like, yo, why don't we hop on a call? And he says, "Why, so you can interview me?" In that moment, I was like, "Oh Lord, I'm not even trying to deal with his level of trauma." Because at— like, I'm like, is this a generational thing? Or is this like, what have you experienced? That was crazy to me. But it was, I guess people would be like, a red flag. But it was really interesting because I thought, He could have all the accomplishments. You could see all the things, but that does not mean that I can just go to dinner with you. I'm not going to just go to dinner with you. Right?

Because of your accolades.

I'm not, because I need to be able to have a conversation with you to understand. The truth is, if it's worth my time, because it's too valuable for me to just give it away. And we don't have to, you know, like, but once you talk on the phone, you see if there's synergies, you see if, you know, we vibe. So that, and the thing is, and I learned because I went on a date with him anyway. And I was like, oh my God, why didn't I just listen to my first mind? Because he was like all the things in terms of checkboxes, but dear Lord, we were so incompatible.

And, you know, alternatively, I've, I've, um, do you think it's because he's been conditioned by all these women that are like looking up to him and see the status and they're like, oh my God, we're gonna love you because of, you know, I think people have their own lived experiences and everybody has traumas.

And if you don't heal from your own shit, then that's a you problem. Don't bleed it on me. You know what I mean? Like, really, if you are trying to date You need to be ready to date. Yeah, like, what's your mind like? You out here with your problems for— everybody has them, but you got to be doing that ongoing work. Yeah, you know what I mean? That's weird for you to say someone wants to talk to you before they meet you. Like, what women are you meeting? Clearly you are not meeting women who don't value— who value their time. No, because women don't just— you're not gonna get all dolled up to go and meet you for dinner. For what? I could buy myself dinner and I would probably enjoy taking a nap a little bit better than trying to be charming for you.

I love you. I'm the same way. I'm like, what are we going to do if we don't vibe? I listen for me.

I don't know if you vibe.

My sleep is more important.

But the alternative is like, I met this other guy who we matched. He said— and I thought it was so funny because he put on— he put on his profile. It was— I forgot the question, like, what makes you amazing or something? He says, I have the confidence of a mediocre mediocre white man. And I loved it so much that I messaged him. I said, anyone that has the confidence of a mediocre white man is someone I have to know. And he said, call me. And he put his number. And as soon as we got on the phone, it was like instant synergy. We were just cracking jokes and laughing. It was amazing. And he goes, what are you doing tonight? I was like, uh, working. And he goes, grab a, grab a drink with me. And I was like, okay. And that all happened in that moment because there was just synergy and we just, we were compatible, you know?

Did it go anywhere?

You know what? It, it, it could have. The first date he proposed. It was funny. It was, he was joking, but he meant it. Yeah.

Yeah.

But I was, I don't want children. Oh, I know. And he was like, he goes, just give me one. I'll give you all the options. You do surrogate, you can do what do you like, all the things, you know? And it was, it's just, it was, it was his non-negotiable. And I understood.

And when it's a non-negotiable, you're not going to try to compromise.

You're just going to respect it. Yeah, I respect it. See, I think that's toxic.

Yeah, right.

Depending on what it is, maybe. But like, no, when it comes to like what a person wants, especially a man, if he values his legacy in human form that way, I completely respect it. Yeah, for sure. And he need more than anything, he needs a partner that wants to give him that because now they're going to build an ecosystem around that child's life and it's going to be, it's going to proliferate because of that union.

And you're willing to let go of your desire of being with that person because of that?

Yeah, for sure. No, absolutely. Because I do know that there are some men for sure who they don't want kids, you know. Like, I'm like, we're not gonna live forever, but I'm gonna build something that will, you know. And, um, and I think aligning with those people is important because I think those same men are also in search of women who just, you know, want to build whatever legacies they're looking to build, and they want to do it with their partner. And so no, no, I would never try to convert that interest.

I just don't think it's healthy at What if they had children previously and they don't want anymore?

No, no, I would— so I would date a guy with kids, especially if they're like older. Yeah, I just don't want to, you know, and I approach this from like a really logistical and tactical perspective. I am very linearly focused on the global impact I'm creating. The truth is, and I was saying this to him, men have to understand that us popping out a baby is not a singular transaction. That's at least 3 years minimum.

Yeah.

Of our lives that are truthfully on pause on some level, even with all the support. I don't know. I don't know. That doesn't mean it doesn't exist, but I don't know one powerful, successful woman that is a mother that doesn't feel guilty about not spending as much time with her kid because you always choose something.

Yeah.

If you have amassed enormous success, mm-hmm, you have definitely felt like a parent who was a little bit inadequate, um, for your child because you're splitting time between two babies.

Yeah.

You know? And so I don't wanna make that sacrifice. I don't wanna make it.

Uh, no, I understand. And, and I think it's very powerful that you know that and you have an opinion and you have a stance on it. And that's what, separates you from many because a lot of women are going to be like, well, it's fine. I mean, I will be with him and then I will say I'm on my period and I'll take birth control. Like, they would come up with different ideas instead of just being honest with themselves.

So toxic to me.

That is just very much like you don't love yourself. And the thing is, I think a lot of women think that they're not going to meet the person and the train is going away and this is the last door that they can jump in. Yeah. And that is it. And I'm like, no.

And you know what's interesting? I think so. I have a lot of my friends have children.

Mm-hmm.

And one of them, you know, it's interesting. She was like approaching mid-30s.

Mm-hmm.

And she has accomplished some really incredible things.

Mm-hmm.

But she wasn't in a relationship. Mm-hmm. And I think she just felt like it wasn't enough for her.

Mm-hmm.

So she's like, I'm going to have a baby. And I just— there's nothing wrong with that. This is— that's one friend, right? The problem I have with it is that you don't give life to erase your lack of fulfillment.

Right.

Because what are you even giving to the child? Like, that mentality is like— and I honestly think a lot of people people have kids because they're not fulfilled in their lives. And I, and I think having a kid is like being in a relationship. You should be good with you before you start trying to expect somebody else, because you, when you're not good with you, you're now expecting this person to make you happy and do all this. You got all these expectations. It's like, is that even their job? You know, in a partnership with you? Alternatively, one of my other really good friends, we met and she was like Yeah, I'm going to have a baby. And she was ready and she knew it, but she's dope. She was ready. And she had a kid and she had a village around her and she's a lesbian. So she was like, she didn't want to worry about a guy. She had a friend. It didn't work out, like in terms of them procreating together. So she went to the sperm bank, but she has a beautiful son. Her son has all of the aunts and aunties, uncles, all the things. And she's happy as a mother because this was something she's like, I want a child. And she had accomplished all the things she wanted in her life. She was in a place. And that doesn't mean you have to accomplish all the things in your life. Is all I'm saying. But I mean, I don't think the kids should be like some sort of answer because like a whole maybe outside of you wanting to accomplish this thing, like you want to be a mother and that's something that you can do. You should— you— we can do that. It's a blessing that you can do that because some women can't. But I don't think it should be like a substitute for like your happiness of like you as a person.

I agree. I think I'm the same way because do I want a child? Yes. But I want the child to be a creation of love. Yeah, I don't want a child to be just because, oh, I know I've got good genes, you know, I can do this and that. But it's like I also— I'm very realistic with it. Like my family is in Russia, so if something goes to hell, then what am I going to do? So until I have that support system and that love that creates, and however many we're going to be given, that's what we're going to have. So I really am more on that level. And people like my stepdad always says, well, you're 31, you need to be thinking about children. And I'm like, I don't know what kind of mentality that is, but I am okay. And if God gives me, when God gives me, that's when it's going to happen. Not now. I have another question for you because you are such a fierce leader. So in a relationship, how does that work? Because men need to lead, right? Technically. So how does it work?

I love that question because the single that I'm going to be releasing next year is actually called Character, and it is the soft girl CEO anthem.

Oh my God.

I am a firm believer in compartmentalization.

Okay.

Me, CEO Jay, is not partner, Jay. Okay, my man, my man, my man. I am— I'm like lover girl, fuzzy slippers. I'm all over you. I, I don't want to lead at all. I don't. But the thing is, I, I— that's why I love the idea of a man who wants a partner, not a wife, not a girlfriend, because those titles, that's, that's involving society, and they don't belong in our stuff. Our configuration is ours. Everything that happens is our space. So when we are here, it's like, I want— he, my man, always feels like the most masculine and in control. But he also knows he still has a partner, which means he doesn't always have to be anything. Like, that's just— that's the partnership. That's the safe space I create. The truth is, I created it with my friends. Friends and a romantic partner. It's like, what do you need from me? I want— there was one thing that Sarah says that she said it on one of her podcasts and I loved it so much. They said, what do you bring to the table? She says, I bring what the table needs. And I loved it so much because I'm a chef. I know how to build a table. I know how to make all the food on the table. But if it's already a table, I don't need to build a new one. And if it's already a smorgasbord of food, it's like, so what does the table need?

Yeah.

And I love that because I bring that to my relationships, friends or partners. How was your day today? What do you need from me now? And that is the softness and femininity that I think just comes with being a good partner.

I love that. I think it's so, it's so accurate. I just, I've always said that, but it's sometimes men are going to be well, and again, I understand what kind of men those are, they're going to say, well, you've got it all. Like, you don't really— where do I fit in? And it's like, well, you got to rise to the occasion because a man who's already there and he's going to see you, he's going to see you as somebody who is a big benefit to his existence. And same goes to you. And that's what a lot of those people don't understand, that when we're in love, we are just like lover girls. Like I said, fuzzy slippers, cup of tea, whatever. My man, my man, my man. I'm going to give you a massage. Just give me a hug when I need it. When I come home, I will give you a hug, you give me a hug, and we're just here for each other. And it's not like we're not— there's no dick measuring contest. This is not like my ego is bigger. You did— no, I'm here for you. Yeah. And you were here for me.

Whatever the table needs.

Whatever the table— if it needs cleaning, we're going to clean it up.

Huh? You had a hard day?

Yeah.

Hong, Hong, Hong. What you need?

What you— hey, what you need? What you mean? And but I think it's scary for men to see that women are that and they can be that. And it's like, I feel like a lot of men are like, well, I'm not ready for that.

I think the more dominant a woman is and the more of a leader she is, the more subservient and soft she wants to be.

Absolutely.

That's what that song is about.

Yeah.

When I walk through the front door, heels fall to the floor, cuz I don't want to play that character No more. Yeah, that's the hook. Yeah, you know what I mean?

I love that. That's like, like, like I told you, I remember when this guy was asking me to choose a movie and he gave me a hug, and I'm just like, that's amazing. Oh, I don't have to choose nothing. I don't have to make a choice. I love it. No decisions need to be made. Oh my God, please, like, I will melt here.

Yeah, that part.

Okay, well Last 2 questions. What does success feel like to you beyond titles and numbers? Impact.

Okay. Like, first of all, I think success is very subjective. You know, I always say there's one artist who needs a slew of— she needs the EGOT. And then there's another artist who just wants to sing and she's performing 5 days a week at a restaurant playing the piano and she's so happy. Success is so subjective, but for me it is global impact, which makes it hard because that means the journey continues, you know? But when I see people truly be transformed because of what I built or what I've said or what I've written or what I've released, that is the most fulfilling, I think, legacy and moment that my life could give.

That's beautiful. Can you give like a quick snippet of what is it that you built? Because we never talked about the gaming lounge, because I feel like when you explain it, it's so beautiful and it will explain what that global impact is because you're really thinking globally with that lounge that you're building.

Yeah, for sure. Well, for one thing, what I built is much bigger than a lounge.

Yeah.

So the Coexist Agency is actually a hybrid agency that focuses on brand innovation, but we do so from a physical and digital perspective. So when I say infrastructure, Part of the physical infrastructure is we built a gaming and creator lounge. So it's a 3-story space in Times Square equipped with a music studio, podcast areas. There's a speakeasy lounge in the bottom, stage, you know, streaming everything, just, you know, 3 bars, one on each floor, full food and beverage. It's like a haven for creators. And, and it's a content house because for me, content is games are content, music is content, podcasts are content. Content is substance. What are we creating? And so it is a creator house because, um, I think people are always searching for a representation. I think that there are not enough safe spaces where people can go and authentically be themselves. There are a lot of sort of elite societies, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Mm-hmm.

But I think the majority of people People in the world are looking for spaces where they can have meaningful, significant conversations and really connect with people on a human level. And if we're not fostering those kind of inclusive environments, then we're not really meeting the needs of people. So that's what we built. And it started in my Brooklyn duplex. We scaled it. And, you know, when we generated, you know, our first half million, I walked into that space, no outside investor capital. Now we're having conversations with billionaires and investors and people that want to scale it globally. And of course, we are partnering with some really big brands that see the value in the ecosystem that we've built and they want to be a part of that. So the goal, the goal is like global expansion in terms of the physical space. But then, you know, digitally making sure a lot of these brands understand that what they're interested in is the community that we've built. We have tapped into a cultural diaspora. There's 8 billion people on the planet. 4 billion of them are actively playing video games. 50% of that 4 billion are women. So, and nobody, you don't even think about that. So it's like, what are we doing in terms of the representation? There's a misrepresentation and it's societal, but these brands need the voices of the next generation. They need voices of women and they've gotta reach them. We build those cultural bridges as an agency, whether that's through a physical activation, whether we're showing up at Cannes Lions or CES or Essence, you name it, we are going to build physical infrastructure powered by digital infrastructure so that the brands see what they need, but then the people are also very much receiving the impact and the representation that they search for.

Yeah. See, when Jay says global, she means it. 4 billion people. 4 billion. That's you literally touching every part of the world.

Literally. That's half the planet.

Half the planet. Yes. That's insane.

It's crazy. And it's the largest entertainment industry. It's growing faster than all industries in entertainment year over year.

Yeah. Yeah.

Who's reaching them?

And it's highest revenue generating, right? Yeah. Because all of the celebrities, all of them have games. Everybody has games.

You just think about like contextualize what it means to be a gamer.

Yeah.

Mobile gaming is the largest revenue generator in in the industry, and 70-something percent of women, I think like 72%, are— of mobile gamers are women. So we don't even know that we're actually the dominant demographic in this massive industry. And most women are like, oh, I'm not a gamer, and they don't play games. It's like, girl, I'm looking at you play Candy Crush right now, you know? But it's like, these are games, and that's where the digital infrastructure comes in, because we are also building those games. So we take that community those creators and we navigate them from consumer to creator of the IP, which builds stronger ecosystems, stronger economies, and empowers the next generation to start thinking beyond just being consumers.

Right. That's true. That's very true. That is very true. All right. I have 3 questions that I want you to— no, I want you to answer them very short. Okay. If a woman is watching this and wondering if she belongs in powerful rooms, what would you tell her?

You were built for them. I love that.

What chapter of your life are you currently in?

The growth chapter.

Oh, it never ends. What do you want people to take away from experiencing you? Not just your work.

I only do things I'm passionate about in every aspect of my life. If I'm not passionate about it, I'm not even interested.

I love it. What's the legacy?

Global impact.

I knew you was going to say that. Well, thank you so much. I love this. You're so beautiful. You're so amazing. You're so inspiring. And I hope that people can take away the, the passion that you have from this episode and really apply that to themselves. And, you know, They can always reach out and they can always ask and they can always watch your content, listen to your amazing music. We've been listening to her music on the way here, so she's beautiful inside and out. So where can people find you?

Everything is Letta J Music, L-E-T-T-A J Music across all platforms.

And the Coexistence Space?

Yep. So everything, if you go to actually coexistencegaming.com, all of the links are on the website.

Okay. And all of the locations and everything is in there. Yeah. Okay. What's next for you?

Uh, I am about to hop on a plane back to New York and have a bunch of meetings for the rest of the week before the holiday.

Okay.

Um, and just got a couple deals that we closing, so I'm glad we're going to end Q4 accordingly.

I love that. She's a boss no matter what, no matter where. Well, thank you so much for coming on.

Thank you so much.

I love you. I appreciate you. You're amazing. And, um, you guys, subscribe, like, share, comment, and we'll see you on the next one.

Thank you, thank you, beautiful.