I Like My Cheating Old Fashioned with Azar Farideh @truthafterdarkshow

You know, obviously I live in Atlanta, and I'll tell you one thing, I see a lot of performative love. I see a lot of Black love for the sake of being Black love, where people on Instagram happily married. Outside of Instagram, they have other things going on, other people going on.

I will say that I don't think that's exclusive to Black people. I think like performative love is everywhere on the internet, whether it's a white person, a Black person, a Mexican, whoever. I think that that's just something that we— the culture and the generation we live in, you know, I don't think that that's just a Black love thing, you know.

No, no, I'm just saying because you were talking about the Black love.

I always say this, I like my cheating old-fashioned. Don't come to me, don't let me find out, be slick about it, maybe even pay for it, make sure that I don't know, honey.

I didn't get to live a normal childhood too, like I needed to figure out how do I feed myself, I'm speaking a whole different language, I'm in a whole different continent, not even country.

I struggled in different ways and you know, just with love, you know, like affection, love, criticism, self-esteem, you know, not feeling chosen by your own parents, not feeling wanted, you know, from a very young age. And that really affected my adulthood in so many ways. Even in my friendships and relationships, I'm conditioned to feel like if you're not performing, you don't deserve love, or you don't deserve this, or you don't deserve that, you know?

Damn.

Yeah. Like, so I choose people based on how they love, you know, their character, you know, the things that I see about them that will make them a good person, you know, a good parent, a good— you know, those things are so important to me because I saw the dynamic of having wealth without love.

This is Talk Less. Talk less, do more. I have a cat. Can you tell?

Oh, I hate cats. They're so aggressive to me.

She is the worst thing that ever happened.

I don't know why people want that.

I didn't want her, she just happened to be my cat.

Damn. Yeah, I can't. I do not like— I'm allergic to cats though also, and dogs. But really, I love dogs though, but I'm allergic to both of them.

Oh, I would take medicine. I, I would not like—

if, if there is a dog It's hard to take medicine though that really works. Like, I was in a relationship and I was taking allergy shots like every month just so I can be around the dog.

Girl, you're always in relationships.

I know. Not your clogging my tea.

No, like, one thing I saw about you, because, you know, I do deep dive into every single person that comes on, every single, like, every single story you tell. When I was in a relationship—

Yeah, I've been in a relationship most of my life. Yeah.

Okay, that's what we're going to talk about.

Okay.

All right. Yeah, I know this is not a normal Talk Less Show setup, and welcome back to Talk Less Show. This is something that I've been so scared to do my entire life. I've been so scared to get out of Atlanta, get out of my normal setup, and be somewhere else. But we're in LA, and this is the first episode outside of Atlanta, outside of our normal studio. So I know, because you probably had questions like, where are you, Lesya? What's going on? We're in LA. We're in this beautiful studio. And we have an amazing guest today. Should we do an intro or should we start the conversation and then we do the— let's do the intro.

Okay.

All right. All right. Okay. Well, you guys, welcome back. And we're not going to do a regular episode like we always do. We're not going to just be out here laughing. We're going to keep it witty, though. We always going to keep it witty. I'm bringing today somebody who you think you already know. And I know that a lot of men are watching my podcast, and I know exactly What you think when you see this person on the screen. You know her as the woman sitting next to Paul Pierce on The Truth After Dark. You know her as the woman who goes viral for telling you that men and women cannot be friends. You know her for her hot takes, the controversy, the fact that she does not back down from anybody. You see the power, you hear the bass in her voice, but what you don't know is that it took to build that voice before the cameras, before the NBA legends, before the viral clips. My guest today survived things that would break most people in half. We're talking about escaping a cult. We're talking about surviving an armed home invasion. We're talking about losing 100 pounds and rebuilding her entire life from scratch. We're not just talking about her opinions on men today. We're not really going to dive that deep into relationships because I'm tired of talking about relationships. We're talking about her resilience and we're talking about fire that forged her. Welcome to Talk Less Show, Iza.

Oh, thank you. That was such a good intro. Amazing. Wonderful. You gave me chills.

Really?

Why?

Every single time. Every single time I do an intro of a guest, they're like, why? It gives me—

it's so good. I promise you, I take pride in my intros and people say the same thing. So we get it back and hear it and like, wow, you deserve it. Thank you. That was so amazing.

I love it. And you know what? I really want you to tell people because you reached out to me, which I was like, wait, you reaching out to me? And I don't remember what episode it was, but it was one of the episodes that went crazy, per usual. You reached out to me. Why did you want to come on?

You know what? I just feel like you're doing your thing, and I'm all about women, especially in the podcast space, like helping each other grow and build and like connecting. And that's like, you know, when I first started podcasting, Don't Call Me White Girl, Mona, she had me on her show, and I wasn't even like, big in the podcast space at all. And I'll never forget that because she just was like, come on, like, like, come on the show. And I just, from her, I just always learned, like, I feel like women in podcasting, we have to stick together.

I just met her, literally just met her last week. Really?

I love her. That's my girl.

Walked out of my studio. I was filming one of my episodes, had like a horrible day because like there's just a lot of stuff that was going on. Yeah. And then she pulled up. I had Jack Thriller that I was filming with. And then she was like, wait, Jack? So she started talking to everybody. And then she gave me her number. So like, we're going to— I still have to call her so we can set everything up. But she was so dope. Her vibe was just like—

She's so great. She's so great. That's my girl. Like, when she comes in town, she'll literally come up to my house. Like, we're— that's my boo. Yeah. I love her.

I love her. You are very much about women.

I am. I am about women. I am about women a lot. The thing is, is this. I will say this. I have a lot of clips where I hold women accountable. And I have a lot of clips where I hold men accountable. But I've noticed that, like, when I hold women accountable for things, like, it never goes into, like, she hates women and all of the negativity. Like, women will be like, damn, OK. Like, but when I hold men accountable, they're like, she always hates men. She hates men so much. Da da da da da. And it's like— I don't hate men. I'm always holding people accountable for what I feel is right or what I feel is wrong. And that looks different for everybody. But that's just how I roll. Like, if I hear something and it doesn't sit right with me and I have a certain perspective on that, I'm going to share it.

Well, people don't like—

Yeah, they don't like opinions, especially from a woman.

They don't like opinions, especially coming from a woman. Oh, that's especially if it's a woman of color.

That's like a whole different world.

Trust me. I mean, listen, I get some hate too. I'm not— some— I get a lot of hate because of the things that I say.

Yeah.

But at the end of the day, I always flip it into the positive because I'm always saying, like, if that bothers you, then that means that's something that you need to look in the mirror and address. Mm-hmm. It got nothing to do with me because me saying that should not bother you the way it is.

Exactly.

Like, that's a problem.

100%.

And I think that's where— but when I saw you and when I started, like, doing research on you, I was like, wow, I feel like we have a very similar story.

Really?

Yes. It might not be as far as extreme of, like, you know, the cult and all of that. But I feel like it's as far as surviving and figuring out life. And I never had to lose 100 pounds, but I've always struggled with my weight. I've always had a really bad self-image and all of that. But I feel like I could sense that energy from you, that resilience, that like a fighter. And you just don't give up. You're like, I'mma keep going. And you might probably— because this is how I am. I sit down and I will cry and I will complain, but I'll give myself 25 minutes. I'll give— all right, all right. Okay. What's next on my agenda? Okay. Like, who do I hit up? What do I— like, I'm just— and I go into this crazy mode where I can't stop.

Yeah. Yeah. I definitely resonate with that for sure. I'm like that. I'm resilient. I pray for a world in which I don't have to be so strong and so resilient all the time. Because for so much of my life, I fought in survival mode.

Mm-hmm.

And it just ripped me from so many regular moments that most people have, you know? Like going to prom or just having friends from college or doing this or doing that. Like, I really didn't get the opportunity to live a normal childhood, teenage years. And then by the time I became an adult, it was just about survival mode. Constantly trying to catch up to just be a normal person, you know? So I missed out on a lot. But I do know that my journey is what makes it— you know, what makes me so adamant about wanting to help other young women and, you know, be that mentor that I just didn't have, you know?

Yeah. Because I left Russia when I was 14. So I kind of like— that's where I resonate to you, where you had to be on your own since, you know— I never was a rebel. I never ran away. You know? Always been so attached to my mom.

Yeah.

But, um, I kind of like, my story's a little different where I had to figure out my relationship with my mom to the point where like it literally, first we had to rip it apart and then we had to rebuild it.

Yeah.

Which is not really something that you unfortunately, yeah, you know, got to do. But it was a lot of work and it was a lot of pain to go through.

Yeah.

Because like I was on my own since I was 14 and then like, mm-hmm, I didn't get to live a normal childhood too. Like I, yeah, I needed to figure out how do I feed myself? I'm speaking a whole different language. I'm in a whole different continent, not even country. Like, it's just like— and I feel like that was my, like, rebel of, like, running away from my home because, like, I never felt like home there.

Yeah.

But I wanted to address, because, you know, you already did the episode where you talked about your cult, and that was such a profound episode, such a beautiful story. But I wanted to understand, because, like, you were talking about the cult, and you said that there was no education there. Now, when I see you, when I hear you, you sound like a very educated person.

Thank you.

Your opinions are very, like, thorough. The way you speak, the way you, you know, form your sentences, everything that, you know, you have education, but I guess it wasn't a normal one that you had.

Yeah. Yeah. So I do have education, but my education was more, say, self-taught. You know, I've done classes, I've done courses, I've got certificates and things like that. But reading a lot of books, like, just reading and understanding. Like, I really put my own self through school and education, basically.

But how does one do that? Because if you're a rebel, you're running away, you're living under stairwells and then wherever you were, like, how do you come to this? Like, okay, let me figure this out. Let me read a book. Because, like, a lot of people who doing that, they don't even have time to sit.

Well, you know, honestly, I will say that I was pretty smart. You know, even when I was in school, the teachers would be like, you're not being challenged enough. And, you know, so I was already ahead of my years when it came to that. Like, I was pretty smart. And while I was going through all of that, no, education was not on my mind. But after, you know, I was able to get out of that situation, you know, I spent a lot of time reading. You know, even when I was in the cult, there would be books. And I would read books. And I would just— as any chance I got, like read, read, read, and just self-educate myself. And I still do even now. Like there's things that I still am learning in life and, you know, perfecting and, you know, all the things that I want to become. I always feel like knowledge is power and it makes you feel more confident when you're in a room. So even with podcasting, I'll research and I'll figure out like, you know, how to talk better, how to speak, you know, without using like so much. I perfect myself in every way that I can. You know, that's just my— that's just how I'm built, you know?

But like, so because you're a podcaster and I see you like to talk.

Yeah, I do like to talk.

So now again, that was one of the things that I was thinking. So I'm watching you talking about the cult and the fact that you cannot talk there.

Yeah.

How does one not talk for 2 years? Damn near.

It's so funny you say that because my friends are always like, this is why you talk so damn much now. I'm like, yeah, maybe, no. But also too, there's so many different layers to me. I talk a lot, yes, but I have so many different parts of me that are not the same. Like, there's parts of me that's quiet or shy, you know? Like, even in— relationships. Like sometimes the guy— like people that I'm with will be like, I would never think that you would be shy like this in these ways. You know? And I do have shyness to me. And I do have a part of me that can be quiet and just, you know, go along with what I need to go along with. Also, I'm very methodical in the things that I do. So that was a part of the regimen in the program. And I followed it because I knew what the end goal was. So if I have to follow something in order to achieve something, I will.

Absolutely.

No matter what that looks like. So not talking, it just— I spent a lot of time thinking. Maybe that's why I'm an overthinker now. I don't know.

What'd you think about?

Everything. I mean, I thought about life. I thought about what people were doing without me and how life moves on and what they could be having fun doing while I'm here. I thought about how I'm going to— approach life when I get out of here and what that's gonna look like for me. I thought about just my childhood and things that I've been through. Just thinking about everything, it gave me an opportunity to really reflect. And I was so young at the time, you know, so it wasn't like I lived so much life, but I had been through a lot. And I decided, like, who I wanted to become while I was in there, like, what kind of woman I wanted to be and how I wanted to achieve that and the things that I was going to do to, like, you know, be better.

Did you ever think like, oh, what if I wasn't a rebel? I wouldn't be here. Did you ever like regret being who you were prior?

Yeah, for sure. For sure. For sure. But I also knew like it was just the path that I had to be on, you know, because of the way that I was being raised and, you know, I couldn't take it, you know, so I was choosing to live in a stairwell versus living in a big-ass house, you know, with a pool and everything. Because I just— I didn't feel comfortable there. And it made me realize, like, I will not make myself fit in places where I don't belong.

Yeah, because, you know, a lot of times people say— like, again, this is something that I hear, oh, you white. You have it easy. Like, you don't know how the hell I have it. You don't live my life. You don't know my story. You don't know what I live— what I have to deal with every day.

Yeah.

Also, like, I'm still a woman.

Right.

And, and, and, and when people say, oh yeah, like everybody is equal. No, we not.

Yeah.

I can tell you multiple amounts of times when I'm podcasting where if I'm sitting across from a woman, there's gonna be one way of treatment. When I'm sitting across from a man, there's gonna be a different way of treatment. Mm-hmm. Not from a guest, but from the team that I have around or from the people that I have around or just the reviews and everything. And, and if I sit across from a woman, it's not gonna go as far as the episodes that go with men. You know, there is still treatment that goes for sure crazy. And I feel like people feel like Oh, if I had all this money, I would be so good. Like, everything is going to be set. So you coming from—

Yeah, for sure.

—wealthy family, and you're saying, I don't want that.

Yeah, it's not saying that I don't want that. You know, I do acknowledge that I didn't have to struggle in that way, which I appreciate. But I struggled in different ways. And, you know, just with love, you know, like affection, love, criticism. Self-esteem, you know, not feeling chosen by your own parents, not feeling wanted, you know, from a very young age. And that really affected my adulthood in so many ways, so many— that then so many more ways than you can imagine. And those are things that I'm still healing from and still working through, you know. And just performing-wise, like, even in my friendships and relationships, I'm conditioned to feel like if you're not performing, you don't deserve love, or you don't deserve this, or you don't deserve that. You know? Same. Yeah. So I find myself always overdoing, overperforming, overgiving, oversharing, or whatever the case is, because I feel like if you don't need me, you don't want me. And that was something I struggled with for a very long time.

How did you get over it? Because I'm the same way. I'm like, I feel like I always need to do, I need to give. I need to, like, be on time, and I need to, you know, especially if I'm dating. That's why I have a hard time dating, because I just want to, like, just, like, I just want to get under your skin because, like, I want to, and I want you to, like, be under my skin. Like, that's how close I want to get because, like, yeah, I guess, like, I didn't get enough love like that. Yeah. And it's not that my parents weren't there. They were there, but they were doing, like, it felt like they were living their own life.

Exactly. 100%. Yeah. I get that. What sign are you, by the way? I'm a Leo. A Leo. OK. Fire sign. I'm an Aries.

My mom is an Aries.

When's your birthday? April 3rd.

My mom is April 4th. That's why.

Wow. That's crazy. Yeah. So for me, I would say that it definitely takes a lot of work, you know, that codependency. And I talked about that with Joy, but like also just showing up in relationships where you're giving so much. I've realized, like, I think it's important to reciprocate. But we are not performing for our love. Like, this person is not Simon Cowell. You're not auditioning to prove that you're worthy. And I think when you are in a perpetual cycle of wanting to be chosen instead of doing the choosing— and remember that you're able to choose too. It's not just about you being chosen. We can choose who we want, and we can focus on what are they bringing to the table and stop focusing so much on what we're providing all the damn time. And I think that's where the shift comes in, because a lot of women feel like we just want to be chosen. So if you choose me, then I'm going, okay, cool. And now I'm going to prove to you why you chose me was a good choice. But instead, you have to shift your perspective and say, I am worthy of someone that is all the things that I desire, whatever that may look like for you, right? And I am going to decide that I am choosing someone based off of the things that I want. And I'm not just going to come here and perform for you. Because you know what happens is that creates attachment. And every time you're attached to someone, when it ends, you lose pieces of yourself. Oh, yeah. Big time. Big time. You lose pieces of yourself, and it's very hard to recover from.

But I feel like when women hear that, what they hear is, You know, a lot of women, obviously they want the 6 feet, 6 figures, 6 inches, whatever it is. And they, they, they, they hear those things as far as like money, right? I feel like everything comes down to money. They're like, I want a rich man, I want this and that. And I was having a conversation with my friend yesterday because I was, I was flying from Atlanta here and I was like, man, I want to fly Delta One. Like, you know, and I'm just, I'm getting so pissed at myself that I'm not there yet financially where I can just go and buy myself a Delta One flight, you know, because it's, it's thousands of dollars. It's not cheap, you know. And especially like when you do things last minute, which is me usually, like I can't afford to spend so much money. Not yet, okay. Yeah. And, um, I was talking to my best friend and she's like, well, you need to ask the guy, like, whoever you talking to, to, to buy you a Delta One flight. And I'm like, but here's the thing, I can ask a man to do that for me, but it's not going to do— like, my ego is going to still want that to do myself. Like, I want to do it myself. I want to be that where I don't have to rely or call nobody or ask ask somebody for help to get me a Delta One flight. I want to buy my own flight. Exactly. Like, that's where I find myself, that yeah, I want a man of this and this and that, but it's not because he's gonna come and save me. It's because I'm that and I want that and I attract that. Yeah. So I feel like that's where a lot of people are missing this whole part of like, become what you want.

Exactly, 100%.

And they sit there and they wait. And I had like, I had so many girlfriends. That's why I had to break so many friendships because I was just, like, getting so— I feel like it became so toxic where people were telling me what I should be doing. I'm like, that's none of your business. But also because you want somebody to come and save you. That's not me. I've saved myself multiple times. Multiple times. I don't think, like, it doesn't compute in your brain that I don't need that. Yeah, I've lived that survival mode. I'm good. Like, I'm thriving. I can make my own choices, my own decisions, not based out of fear, but because I have abundance of choice. And that's where I feel like that's especially, especially women, they just kind of like miss that whole abundance mindset.

Yeah, for sure. I can agree with that. I mean, a lot of people, they want all the things, 666, all of that. And it's like, a lot of the time, those men don't even want you because you're not even doing the things to attract that, you know, or You get that and you're in a situation where now you are dependent on a person that can take that away from you any given moment. And I don't like that feeling, you know? And I've never been, though, the woman that's like, I want 6 feet, 6 figures. I never even said that. Did I have that? Like, yes. But I've never been the one to say that, you know what I mean? And it's like, that's never been my story. So for me, That's not what I look for in a man or in a relationship, period. Like, I look for things that can't be bought because that's what's important to me, you know? You know? Yeah. And it's like, does it so happen to might come in this package? Yeah. But like, even if people see me with a certain somebody, they're like, oh, she's with him for this or that or whatever the case is. And it's like, no. What's crazy is I'm like, I choose people based on how they love, you know, their character, you know, the things that I see about them that will make them a good person, you know, a good parent, a good— you know, those things are so important to me because I saw the dynamic of having wealth without love. And so many people do that. I grew up in that. And I don't want that for myself. Do I want to struggle? No. But I also know that when you're a certain caliber of woman and you're working hard towards things, you're not going to attract just like— I don't attract someone who's just a bum because I'm not a bum. No, no.

But that's an extreme. That's where people go with extremes. It's like, oh, then, you know, it's like we talked about hot and cold, but there's always like water can be warm.

It doesn't have to be hot or cold. Very true.

You know, it can be in any capacity, whatever you choose to do. And that's where I feel like people get it so confused where they say like, oh, you can't do this, you can't do that. And you have some opinions that are very strong too, you know, especially because like, I know you're going to come at me for dating Black I know that. That's going to be like one of the things you're going to say, you know? And you have a right to do so because that's your opinion. And, you know, you are more than, I guess, like entitled to have it.

But I'm not going to come at you for dating Black men. Let me be very clear, because I just had a clip right now with Mandy and Weezy about they're saying like Black love doesn't exist, that I said that Black love, like I don't care about Black love anymore or whatever. And like, all the Black men are like so upset with me or what, you know, because I said that. But what I was trying to say is I feel like we have this whole gender war, right, with Black women and Black men. And then what happens is, is like a white woman will come in and then they'll somehow tell us why a white woman is much better than us. And then a white woman will believe that. And they're going to have that energy towards us as if like, oh, he wants me, not you. And for me, I just don't like that. I don't like how that to me goes. Like, if you want to be with a white woman— like, I'm a mixed child. So like, I come from a mixed family, obviously. And I all for it. Love who you love, right? Like, but my thing is, if you're going to love someone outside of your race, you don't have to put down the other race. Absolutely. Like, when I see white men with Black women, I don't see them saying, we don't like white women because they're this, they're this. They don't say that. They just are with the Black woman. They appreciate the Black woman. And I feel like so many men get with outside races, and then they want to talk down on Black women because, oh, they're this, and this is why I'm over here. And I think Black women do the same thing. They get with, like, a white man and like, oh, I forget Black men. I'm over Black men. I'm traumatized by Black men. And it's like, we don't have to do that. We don't have to bring each other down. Just date who you want to date. Be happy and go from there. But don't bring us down in the process. And that is my biggest thing about it. I also have spoken on being as a mixed child and having a mother who isn't Black and didn't care about understanding how my Blackness is represented in the world, you know, that can affect your child. And a lot of people are like, well, it's the dad's job then. Why doesn't the dad teach him? Or da, da, da, da, da. And it's like, it's more than that. Your mother is super important. And as a daughter, it's important. There's things that your mother has to know and understand about your body, about just the things that might happen to you. Like, both parents should be understanding. There's obviously only so much that someone outside of that race can understand fully. But it's so important to actually do the work to feel like, if I'm going to have this Black family, I'm going to understand that it comes with a Black child. It comes with maybe he has Black sisters, aunts, like Black people, real Black people are in this family. But I notice a lot of women will just love the man, and they'll forget that, oh, this man comes with real Blackness, real Blackness, not just his big— Yeah, exactly. And his handsomeness and his swag. He comes with a whole situation.

And especially in America, like, we're not— we can't— we can close our eyes and say like, oh no, it doesn't exist. No, racism is a very real thing. Very big. And it's not just that, it's like— but it's the same thing, you know, I feel like when you date multicultural too, because like, you know, I'm sure for your parents— and I don't— you know, it sounds like your mom was kind of like very avoidant to everything and anything. Yeah. And I think it's, it's it's very understandable given the circumstances. Was she born in Iran?

Yeah, she didn't come here for a long— till 20s.

Exactly. So like, I think that that also bred, you know, because like, I feel like it has its own stigma for sure. And where, you know, we, we talk about, yes, of course you're marrying into a Black family, but you're also marrying into Iranian family.

Yeah.

And it's, it's like this balance that's like, those are two completely opposite cultures for sure. The only thing that I can see bland is like the family values. That's the only thing that I could potentially see. But at the same time, like, I feel like those are, like, just the opposites of the spectrum. For sure. And it is important for your mom to nurture you, to explain to you things, because, like, your dad can't explain you things about, you know, your body, like, your period, the way you look. Like, the dad doesn't understand that. Yeah, for sure. It's definitely on the mom's side. And, like, I understand, like, you know, because that's something that I always think about, because it's like, okay, if I'm going to marry— not if, when I'm going to marry a Black man, I'm marrying into the Black culture, but also he's marrying into the Russian culture. Yeah. So it's also understanding that, hey, my family doesn't speak English. Yeah. So how are we going to work with that? Like, are you, you know, what's going to happen with the kid? Like, the kid, because for me it's important for my kid to speak Russian, you know. For me, it's important for my kid to go and maybe like spend some time with my family, you know. So it's like, it's going to be both sides where like we really got to figure that out. And it's not just like, oh yeah, I'm just marrying this man because he she looks good. Yeah, for sure.

Definitely. I think just figuring that out and actually caring enough to do so is good. There's a lot of mixed children that feel so lost with identity issues because of that. And I mean, even when I spoke out on it, so many women came forward like, wow, that was my life. Like, I was so lost, you know, with my identity for so long. Um, and because again, It's the stigma of, like, mixed girls. Like, you know, oh, everybody wants a mixed girl, and the mixed girls are the pretty— you know, whatever it is, the stigma, which I don't agree to or subscribe to at all. But they're just like, whatever. Like, you're not full Black. You don't get it. Or, you know, you're not enough of this, or you're not enough of that. Like, you get— like, even till this day, people tell me I'm not Black. You know what I mean? And they take away my Black experience because I look— I can pass as non-Black, I guess. Right. You can pass as, like, Iranian, for sure. Yeah. So people will always say that. But I'm like, that doesn't take away from— for maybe the internet. But when I'm in real life, like, trust me, people know that I'm Black. And I can get treated as such, for sure. So in my career and being around, like, very powerful white men that I used to work for and being in that type of field and the things that I had to endure, it was just a lot. Even just being a woman and then being a woman of color, it's just a lot. And then the other thing is, is when you're mixed, again, you're passing at times. So there's a lot of places and spaces that you can get into because you're passing and you realize that, but then you're treated really badly. You know, it's just, it's a whole thing, you know? Um, but that's my only issue.

I think love who you want to love, period. I agree. I think love who you want to love. And the thing is, like, You know, obviously I live in Atlanta, and I'll tell you one thing, I see a lot of performative love. I see a lot of Black love for the sake of being Black love, where people on Instagram happily married. Outside of Instagram, they have other things going on, other people going on. You know, they don't really like each other that much, but performatively it looks really good on paper. It looks really good as far as the image goes. They might have, you know, good jobs. And so, like, for their clients and for everything, they got to be together. So it looks amazing. But at the end of the day, it's like, are you truly really happy? And that's what I'm not for. I'm not for that kind of performative love because I feel like a lot of love now is for social media. It's not really for real life love. It's like, you know, and unfortunately, I don't know what it is with me, but I get hit on by a lot of married men who are asking me to be a part of their, you know, marriage. Marriage. Not like— I tell my wife what I want, you know, and she knows she's good. So I'm like, well, let me meet your wife because I don't think she knows, you know, obviously, like, I would never ever, because like, to me, it's like, it's so against my morals. Yeah. That I always put myself in her position and I'm like, I would hate if that happened to me. Yeah. But yet, like, it just— and it's recently, it's been like, I think like 3 times it happened. Yeah. And I'm just like, this is crazy. I don't know what kind of vibe I give you that makes you think that I can be a part of whatever. Like, I know that's crazy.

That never ever happens to me.

And also, I don't know why, girl. Also, I'm 6'2". Any place I walk in, you will see me.

Yeah, right. You're not easy to hide. You can't hide.

Like, I can't be your side chick. Like, I'm not a side chick kind of look because you will know I'm in the room.

Yeah. For sure. 100%. What I do want to go back to is talking about the performative Black love. I will say that I don't think that's exclusive to Black people. No. I think performative love is everywhere on the internet, whether it's a white person, a Black person, a Mexican, whoever. I think that that's just something that we— the culture and the generation we live in. I don't think that that's just a Black love thing.

No, no, I'm just saying because we're talking about the Black love, obviously it's not just Black love. It's like— because again, I can only see see what I see in the bubble that I'm in. But yeah, no, I see the same thing with Russian Instagram too. It's like, all these people are so happy on Instagram. And then you just— when you find out— I mean, there was a couple, I think it was a couple years ago in LA too. There's like this white couple that I think, like, a fitness industry couple, looked like they had the best love ever. And then the girl came out and she was like, I've been abused. I've been this and that. Yeah. And it's like, okay, that is just not the love that we want to live. That's not what I want to do. And that's not where I want to be in my life. Because it's like, like you said before, I would much rather be single and happy and at peace because I know I'm an anxious person. So when I get in relationships, I don't want to have anxiety. Yeah. And if I do, then that's already a sign for me. And I've been working on it where, like, if somebody doesn't pick up the phone, that shit is going to trigger me.

Really?

Girl, if I'm talking to a man and if I call him, and if I call him and then, like, I send him something on Instagram and I see that he saw my message on Instagram, Oh, but he didn't answer.

That's going to trigger you.

Oh, that's going to piss me off. Damn. This is trigger number one. I always say, I'm like, you know what, just wait to open up my message. I know you might not, but at least text me you can't talk.

Yeah, I get that. I get that.

So it's like simple things like that. I get that. Like, lately I'm just like, okay, this is not about you. They're busy. They're whatever, whatever. Just like continue. Like, I literally have to talk myself out of that.

That's tough, you know? And especially like depending on what kind of man you're dating, you know what I mean? Because people are busy. They have schedules. They have this. They have that. So it's like, also too though, like with my relationship, it's like I know my person's routine. So it's like, I know you're up. I know, like we have each other's routine down. So like, oh, I called and didn't answer. Oh, that's because I forgot this is happening right now. You know what I mean? It's like when you get to know someone and you get the routine, then that creates that calmness to you too because you're like, I don't have to worry about is this person called?

Why aren't they called?

Like, you know, it's just very like, oh, I know the routine. I know what's going on. Like, I'm not tripping. It's very smooth and it feels really good to have that. Yeah.

I think it's because it's always in the beginning when I still get to know the person.

Yeah, you're still getting to know.

And that's like, that's why it's so hard for me to last longer than like 2, 3 weeks in whatever situationship. Because, like, the moment that they start— but they start triggering me. And then the thing is, like, what happens is that affects my life, that affects my productivity, that affects my schedule, that affects so many things. Because my anxiety is like, it can really set off a lot of things, you know? Because that's your mental health. Like, that's your peace. That's your just foundation. And the moment I'm off the equilibrium, I just say, listen, I get it. This is not how you are. I just can't function in that. So, like, that's why for me, like, it's gonna take some time.

You know, I think too, it's our responsibility and we have to remember that it is not anybody else's responsibility to tiptoe around our triggers. Mm-hmm. Our triggers are ours and we have to own them. And we are a lot of the time projecting a lot of shit onto other people that they don't need to carry. That's not their burden to carry. Right. And there's a lot, especially, you know, depending on the type of caliber that you want to be with. There's going to be situations where people are unavailable, where they can't answer. But there has to be a way that you, you know, you have a standard for communication styles that you like. But you also have to be realistic with that expectation and understand, like, where is this coming from? Like, why is— why am I letting this person control my life in a sense, you know? Yeah. And I've been there, and that's why I can speak on it. Like, I've been there to where one— I had to look at it and zoom out and realize I let one text or one weird vibe or one thing ruin my day or affect how I'm feeling. And in reality, that's not healthy. That's not healthy. And it's never going to lead to a sustainable relationship because no matter who you are, a relationship is a mirror for your triggers. Everything is going to come out. And even if we do all the work on our own, and even if we sit there and do all the therapy on our own, when you get in a relationship, it is going to be a mirror for the things that you need to work on, and those things are going to come up. And if you run away every time they come up, you will never build a sustainable relationship. If you have to work through it, you have to work through it, you have to work through it with your partner, and you have to figure out, first of all, is this person worth it? Do I feel like they're actually someone who can contribute to my life in the way that I need? Do they have good core values, morals? And if those things are in alignment with me and these triggers are coming up, then that means I need to work on these things. This is what I'm being shown. Because when I'm alone, I'm not going to be shown this. So now I have to go and figure out how to get through these things, how to work through these things. Because when they don't come up, they're not there. It's easy to be positive when nothing is happening. I always tell people, like, it's great to be positive. Oh, I'm positive. When life is good. It matters when it's not. It matters when it's hard. It matters when you're being triggered. Matters in relationships. And I'm a strong believer that in relationships you have to do the work. Yes.

You know, they did— I watch a lot of Russian psychologists. I don't know why. I love— I just, I feel like to me, Russian YouTube is something how I stay connected to the culture. Yeah. And so they actually did talk about that, that the only way to grow for us and to get to know ourselves is being in relationships. So now that takes me back to thinking about you. Yes. That's how you probably got to know yourself, and that's why you probably stay in relationships because you get to kind of like do discovery and mirror and do the shadow work.

Yeah, for sure. I mean, honestly, I am a serial monogamist. I've been in a lot of relationships for sure. I wouldn't say a lot, but I've been in long relationships for the majority of my adulthood, yes. And I will say that, yeah, those triggers do come up in those relationships. And they are difficult. And I have taken— a year or two off in between relationships and been alone. And through that year or two, I—

What'd you do? Did you, like, go, like, you know— No. Go around a little bit?

I've never went around. And I don't know why. I just never felt like— I've tried. I've tried to, like, do the little, like, dating here and there and having fun. Does not work for me. Hinge? Like, whatever dating apps? Yeah, I mean, I've tried, like, and, you know, I'm like the first person I meet, I'm in a whole relationship with. That happened to me. Um, so, you know, I'm like, okay, wait a minute, I'm trying to take this casual. They're—

listen, I don't believe in casual sex, okay?

No, me neither, because I feel like there's nothing casual about it. And I always say, once I'm exchanging my body with you, I'm gonna have feelings for you. It just is what it is. It's unfortunate, but that's who I am as a woman.

But do they have feelings for you?

Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. I'm one of those people where it's like, what— what— you're mine. Like, that's what they'll tell me. Like, we're together. Like, make sure everybody knows. Cut it off, like, immediately. What? Yeah. That's pretty much how our relationships go. Really? Yeah.

That's like something I would love for for that to happen. But usually it's— I actually had two people tell me last year, I feel like you want to be in a relationship with me, with like a negative connotation. And I'm just like, hold up, I'm just being nice. Like, I'm just being myself. And you're telling me— I literally, it was just kind of like, because I asked, I was like, hey, like, where your mind is at? How are you? I didn't ask what are we. I just wanted to check in on the person and understand, you know, because like, I like to do that. I like to make sure you're good. I care. I care too much sometimes. And then they came at me with— literally word for word— I feel like you want to be in a relationship with me twice. I literally screenshotted the first text message and sent it to the second guy, and I was like, yo, this is, this is a joke at this point. Like, what is this?

First of all, I will say this: anytime a woman needs to ask, like, what are we doing, or what are we— the answer is no, nothing. Of course, because with men and even women, it's going to be very clear. Like, I want you. I want to be in a relationship with you. Like, we're together. Cut everybody off. No one else can have you. Like, it's that. But you know, you have to be careful with that because like, I had a situation where I was— I feel like I was kind of devo'd into a relationship with someone to where like, you know, it's like you're dating them and you guys are hanging out and it's going well, but— I don't know if I want to be together. I keep putting it off. But they are very adamant about being in a relationship. So I'm just like, OK, let's just do it. But it ended. It was short-lived. That was only like 6 months because I knew I really didn't want to be in that relationship. So for me—

6 months, girl? What? That's like a full-blown— what? 6 months? Yeah.

I mean, it was 6 months. Wow.

That's a full-blown— That's like, to me, that's like forever.

That's like a long-term— Oh, no. I've been in a relationship for like 5 years.

No, my longest was 3 years, but that was like when I was 19, you know?

Yeah, younger. Yeah, no, I'm a very— I am a relationship person. I do think that it's important to spend time alone as well. And I did. That's why when I was alone, I was celibate for maybe— or abstinent, whatever you want to call it— for a year. I didn't have sex. You know, I was really just focused on me. And it's funny because I thought I did all this work. And I was like, yeah, next time I get in a relationship, I'm good. And I got in a relationship and was like, oh, shit, all this stuff is coming up. And I had to work through that again. But I'm someone who believes, like, if it's worth it and we can work through it, I'll work through it, you know? But I have and I will. And, you know, this is something that I'm still, like, struggling with, but I have been— I have broken, you know, someone's heart before. You know, and that really still I carry guilt from that. And it's something that I'm working through.

When I hear breaking someone's heart, like, what does that mean? Because I feel like we all have a different interpretation for it. Because to me, breaking someone's heart is that the idea of you got pretty much destroyed. And it was not like the person was just kind of like attached to the false—

I think that's— yeah, idea of you. Yeah. I think that's what it was for sure. I was not showing up in the ways that I should have. I, you know, was—

But that was your season at the time. So it's like, how can you blame yourself for that?

I mean, it is. But when you hear the person just think so, like, be so hurt and so negative about you, like, there's not a lot of people who think negatively about me, you know?

But that's their thing though. So that's why to me it's like, yes, there's two sides of the story. Yeah. Because sometimes when I do discuss something with somebody, especially when it comes down to, like, even, like, I mean, honestly, even, like, if I call some of my guests and I ask them about, okay, like, what'd you think about the episode? My experience is not the same experience as their experience. Yeah. And so it's always like there's two sides of it. No, for sure. And if they choose to be negative, like, obviously there's been things that have been done to me as well. There has been assault, there's been sexual assault, there's been physical assault and all of that. But, like, to me, it's like, okay, that has happened. But at the end of the day, you know, I've allowed that to happen. Yeah. I don't take any accountability from them. But at the end of the day, okay, like, I'm gonna put that experience and just kind of like, it is what it is. I'm gonna get the, the good things out of them. And like, I don't really need to speak on those people, you know. If you didn't, you know, it just didn't work out. Yeah. I can't tell— like, I can say I was very upset, but I can't sit here and just be like, Well, he broke my heart. But then, you know, every time I think about breaking my heart, then I think about my idea of what that person was just got demolished because I wanted a certain thing, and I got so attached to that idea and that thing. And when it didn't come true, I felt hurt. It's like a kid.

That's very real. You know, we fall— we idolize people, and we fall in love with potential all the time. And then I think that's where women mess up a lot because we'll be dating someone and we'll be afraid to ask the right questions because we'd rather stay in the gray area. Because we know he might not want the same things as me. Yeah, but I'm just not going to say anything because if I don't say anything, then I can still live in this, right? And pretend that it might be more than what it really is. And I think that's where I did that maybe one time. And I said, I will never do no situationship, no nothing ever again in my life. Because it's just— I'm not built for that. Like, I have to know, like, what— like, I have to be, what's up? Like, I'm a very, like, are we in a relationship? I don't ask that. But that's kind of, again, how that's been approached with me with the people I've been with. It's, we're in a relationship. OK, cool. You know, I can't spend months without knowing that. No. Like, I can't spend that time.

I get it. I feel like now because I'm so, like, quick on, you know, that's why to me it's like 2 weeks, whatever. Now I'm like, okay, I need to take time because I am fire. I fall into it. Yeah. But then I start burning slowly and then I just become so uninterested in those people that I could care less. I will still listen. If that person gets sick, I will bring you some whatever food, whatever that is. But other than that, I can care less. Like, I don't spin the block. I don't, you know, I don't do that. I don't go back to my exes. Just to me, it's like, I've been there, I've done that. What's new here? Like, there's so much more out there that I can explore, so I don't go back. But that's why, like, now I kind of like taken it upon myself this year to just give myself time to just be like, do I really want this? Like, is this something that— not that that person wants, and I can kind of sense that that person wants, But do I really want that? Like, is this really, you know, especially given, like, how everything is growing, it's so rapid and sudden that I didn't expect my life to change like this. Yeah. And so it's like, it's also like, does that fit into my lifestyle? Does that fit into where I'm going, what I want? Because, like, that's a big part of it, you know? For sure. We can't just be like, oh, yeah, like, let me just get into a relationship. Because this is something that I really want to talk to you about because you have been in so many rooms of power of like people who— I mean, like people dream to get to those people, right? And you've been an entrepreneur and, you know, and that's something that I strive to be. I love being in those rooms, but you so easily, like, walk into it and I feel like you just, you just belong in those rooms. Thank you. But then we did some research and you said you've never talked about it before. What is this whole story with Owen in a sex shop? How do we get to, like, being in the rooms of power and owning a sex shop?

Well, I owned a sex shop when I was younger. I was probably, like, 20-something. And it was really strictly a business.

Well, clearly it's a business.

No, no, no. But, like, literally, I come from an entrepreneurial family, you know? So for me, it was just— I started it, and me and my dad did it together. So it wasn't like a— we weren't looking at toys or any of that. It was strictly an e-commerce dropshipping company. It's a very— it's actually a very lucrative business. Yeah, it was very lucrative, especially back in the day.

Yeah, because I remember my mom was actually looking into owning one of those businesses too. Like, I've said the story so many times that my mom took me to sex shops when I was 18. You know, she gave me a blowjob course and all of that. So like, it was, it was something that was like so I guess, like, normalize. Not in a way with, like, hey, like, you need to do this. It's like, no, like, this is— it's a part of life. You know, people use toys, people do this. And, um, and then, like, it was just like back— it was like early, I think it was like 2010, 2012. That's when it was like rising. Yeah. So it's so interesting that you were in that business.

Yeah, I was in it. What happened to it? You know what? I was in it with my dad and my ex at the time, so it was just we and him broke up and it just, you know, we decided to just go our separate ways, dissolve the business and move on from it. And it wasn't anything that I was passionate about. It was just literally, again, a stream of income for me, you know, being an entrepreneur, just another way to make money.

And how did you get— so how did you go from there to being in like Hollywood and like, you know, because you were taking pictures and stuff for Apple and all of those. How did you get into that after?

I've always been in Hollywood. I grew up in a music industry family. OK. My— some of my— like, a famous family. So for me, I grew up being around everyone. I grew up being around all of the celebrities that you can think of. So that was my life. My sister threw Beyoncé's 21st birthday party. Casual. Yeah. So growing up, I was always around celebrities and this and that. So it wasn't really something that was like a culture shock for me. It was just more say, I just climbed the ladder through my connections and the people I've known. And I did work very hard to be where I was. But I will say that I'm also very blessed because I was able to already have so much access to that. Growing up, you know, it wasn't really like a hard thing to happen. A lot of people don't know this, but most of our guests that came on Truth After Dark, like Kevin Gates and Carlos, those are all people from me. You know, those are all people who I've brought on the show. You know, people always think it's Paul, but I'm like, all those guests are mine.

I love that. Yeah. You talk that talk. Because I feel like, you know, when we talk about you, a lot of times they're going to attach your name to Paul Pierce. Exactly. Because obviously Paul Pierce is, you know, NBA Hall of Famer and this and that. But still, like, people don't understand that you weren't even gonna do it, right? 'Cause, like, he asked you to do it and you said, "No, I don't wanna do it," in the beginning.

Yeah, we have our story. We have our story. I mean, he's told this story, but, like, yeah, we went out and we hung out and we were vibing or whatever. And he asked me to do the show, but we kind of, like, got off track. And then I flaked on him. Which was messed up, and he was really hurt by that, so he didn't talk to me for like months. And then one day we just reconnected and we were like, let's really do this. And we really did it, you know?

Oh my God, I feel like when you flake on somebody like that, that's when it hurts their ego and they're like, oh no, yeah, this is where you gotta spin the block, you know? So you gotta be like, um, no, yeah, how dare she does that?

Yeah, I know, I know. And He talks about the story. Like, we've talked about it back on "Vig" and different places. But yeah, and we were on Spanx's show. But yeah, I wasn't trying to flake on him. And honestly, I will say I love Paul. I think Paul is incredible. And I'm always grateful for the opportunity that he has given me. You know, even the fact that he wanted to start a show with me. You know, it was his idea. He reached out to me to do the show. How did that make you feel?

Like, what was it that you, you know— somebody who is obviously like a big name coming at you and asking you to collaborate with them?

You know, it wasn't the first time. There's another person that asked me to, and I chose to go with Paul. So, you know, it was just an energy thing. Like, even if the other person might have been bigger or whatever the case is, I feel like with Paul and I, we have such a good energy together. And like, that's important. Me. Who is the energy? Like, how is that energy translating? What is our vibe? Like, we laugh, we, we go back and forth, and it's just all love still, you know? And it's not like animosity or it's getting to his head or anything like that, you know? So I felt the energy, and a lot of the times as a woman, I go off of my intuition and what I feel right, what I feel is right. And so yeah, him reaching out was like, okay, cool, but I have to be honest, This is gonna sound crazy, and everybody knows this, I don't watch sports, and my dad doesn't watch sports. So I didn't know who he was.

Girl, I didn't know who he was either. I'm sorry. No, it's okay. I did not know who he was. You know, there are people who came on my show that I was like, I have no clue who the hell you are. But hey, you know, then I look him up, like, oh, okay. Exactly.

And so, like, we'll go places and travel, like, whatever the case is, and people all, like, know him. And I'm like, what? What? Who is this? Because I really don't even know how famous he is. And it's funny because even my dad, he knows I have a show. And he's like, he didn't know he was famous either. We don't watch sports really in my— like my dad, my mom. I had no idea. And it's funny because even as growing up, I would be getting hit on by basketball players in the elevator. And I'm just like, who is this? And my homegirl would be like, you don't know who that is? That's da da da da da. I don't know who that is. So for me, it wasn't like a starstruck thing because I never knew who he was. I never watched. And now, like, I don't say that in a disrespectful way. I know how amazing he's, you know, how pivotal he was for the sports industry. NBA Hall of Famer, all the things. Like, now I know, like, he's the one, never the two. But at the time, I just— I didn't realize that. I just was like, okay. And it's funny because I knew his name only because One of my exes one time was like, oh, I beat Paul Pierce in a charity event or something. And I remember him showing me a video and I— his name clicked. And so when he DM'd me, that was the only reason I was like, oh, his name clicks to me. So I replied and then we, you know, here we are.

It is crazy because I feel like that's— again, that's where I'm like, damn, there's so many similarities between me and you because I'm the same way. Like, you know, I don't really watch sports. I mean, obviously I talk about like, oh yeah, I want to date an NBA player, but it's like I wouldn't even know who is in the NBA right now. Like, I would know Steph Curry, maybe LeBron James, you know, like maybe a couple people who are in Atlanta. But even then, like, I'm just like, who are all those people? Because like, to me, those are just regular people. Like, yeah, they play sport. And then I always say, like, isn't that crazy? The grown-ass man chasing a ball. Like, that's what they do for a living. Yeah.

Yeah. And it takes a lot of discipline and it takes a lot of work. And I see that, you know. What makes you want to date an NBA player?

Um, I think specifically, specifically, I mean, obviously the first thing is height, you know, but then it's, it's that, but also, you know, I'm a former athlete too, so like to me I like that lifestyle, I like that, but it's also like this whole idea of like, oof, this, I think for me it's more of a chase, like, you know, like that's mine, like I, I got that one, the one that like nobody can get or like people want, so it's like I think that's what it is. But not, not anymore though, to be honest. It's, it's kind of like I had this phase where I was like, I wanna be athlete's girlfriend. And I never got to it. Didn't last long. Lasted for like 2 weeks. Hilarious. So, you know, like I, I, I think that that was kind of like this idea of this potential, like what that could be. But at the end of the day, like that lifestyle is not really for me because yeah, I need depth, I need emotion, I need like, love. I need, like, I need to be attached to a person. I need to be, like, conversed with. Yeah. And they don't really— they're not the ones that like to talk much. But it's just like, it was a cool idea, you know? It's a good thing. That sounds really good for cameras too.

So, you know, I mean, it depends too on which one and where they're at in life, you know? Because I definitely think that there are ones that are very loving and, you know, caring and have a heart and com— you know, all of that stuff. No, for sure.

I, I don't doubt that. I always say, like, and, and the, the people who I've dated, they're ex-NBA players— not NFL, NBA players— they're former NBA players. And it was a different story with them. Um, it was beautiful, but it just wasn't mine. It wasn't mine, and it wasn't for me. And it's just kind of like, I'm very grateful for that experience, but I also feel like it was to an extent traumatic. Like, you know, you don't see the side of NBA, for example. Like, one simple thing, if you were dating somebody, you got to sneak around. You can't really be with them. You know, you can't really be with them in public like that. You know, hotels, you got to sneak around. Why? Because, you know, if they're traveling, you can't— you're not supposed to be there.

Oh, if they're still in the NBA, you're saying?

Yeah, you're not supposed to be there. Yeah, yeah. You know, you can go to dinners, but it's like you got to go through the different entrance. You know, there could be a bodyguard that's going to bring you in. It's not really like— and I'm not— I hate being hidden. Like, don't hide me.

Yeah, it's just one thing that I don't like. I can't be hidden, honey. Like, I have to be out. We're booed up, we're holding hands, walking through the club, walking through the restaurant, kissing. That's my thing. Like, we're gonna be that, you know, or nothing. So— exactly. Because especially because I'm— I can be an affectionate person, and I feel like I can have some drinks and want to kiss you and want to do this. And I feel like I'm someone that you should be proud of to have on your arm. And I don't give a damn.

No, I'm the same way. That's why it's like, I know what I look like and I know what I am. And it's still getting to me of, okay, this is what you are. And this whole, the flood of DMs and desire for a man that's coming my way now. Because of, you know, everything that's been picking up. I'm very grateful for that. But at the same time, sometimes I'm like, okay, this is a little bit much. Like, this is really overwhelming. I don't really care for all of that. I care for the one specific person that I want. Yes. Like, for me, I'm just like, I'm so laser focused. If I have one person that I talk to, I'm just like, the world can end. I will be like, hey, yeah, I'm like that. I'm like that too. I will care about just that one person. And at the end of the day, you know, we can sit here and talk about status and 6 feet, 6 inches. All of that shit goes out of the door when you find that one person. You're like, oh man, I can close my eyes at this, I can close my eyes on this. Like, it's just like, it's just the energy and it's just the vibe. And it's like, it— that's something that I want now. It's not really— I can give a fuck if they're in the NBA or NFL, like, you know, because at the end of the day it's all a job, you know. Before it was like this grand idea, like, oh, I want to go into, you know, I want to be in the arena, I want to see how it is, like, you know, sports out, all this. Like, yeah, I've been there, done all of that. And it's like, all right, that's at school, you know. Yeah, been in the locker rooms. Not, not like in the athlete locker rooms, but like, you know, went to some concerts or like some other places where I was backstage just because of the guests that I had on or whatever. Like, it's cool, but at the end of the day, like, once you get into the industry, like, this is a job. Yeah, for sure. This is not just like, uh, you know, this grand thing. Yeah, it's, it sounds really cool and it sounds really good. And I have a friend who, like, I tell that to all the time, you know. I always say, I know you want to be out, you want to be out at the tables with athletes and like all these prominent people, but for what? Yeah, what do you like? What's the value for you? You're just going to be another— they literally call you a groupie. Like, that's literally a word that they use for all the girls. So like, what are you getting out of it? You don't get nothing. The only thing they see you is just like a sex object that's walking in there.

Yeah, for sure.

If you're gonna be in those rooms— and it clicked to me once I started doing the podcast, I'm like, well, now they can be my guest.

Exactly. You think about business-wise.

Oh yeah. Now I flip everything into business because to me, like, okay, any room I go in networking, okay, you want to come on? I just went to this event and I got some people who are like, they're big names and I'm just like, hey. And they're like, oh yeah, I see you. I see you. And I'm just like, what? You see me? You watch me? You watch my content? This is crazy. It's crazy. And I feel like now the conversation shifts away from you being the sexual object to, okay, now I actually have some value that you can take from me and then you can give me some value. So now we're doing some sort of exchange.

Exactly. Yeah. They'll still want to have sex with you, but it will definitely bring value. I feel like I'm so oblivious to that. Uh, yeah, you can— most men, if they're attracted to you, they want to have sex with you. Um, but I definitely feel like Being respected is important to me. And I can honestly say the way that I've moved through life in LA and in the entertainment industry, I am very respected amongst, you know, my peers. And I really do love that, you know? I feel like I hold a certain energy where, you know, you're going to respect me. You're not going to come at me like I'm some groupie or any of those things.

Period. I hate that. Yeah, no, like, that's— For what? Like, you know, there's plenty of groupies. I can be in the room by myself. I don't— I have no problem doing that. Exactly. Moved by myself at 14. I can move anywhere. I can do anything on my own. Like, I don't need nobody. I don't need no other girl to be next to me. Like, yeah, it's nice.

It's comfortable. It's nice. Yeah, but I could— yeah, same. I can hold my own.

I hate having like big, big groups of people. Me too. I'm very much like small space.

Me too. I hate big groups of people. I can't do a big girls trip. I can't do a whole bunch of people. I'm a very, like, one-person type of person.

Literally same. If I go to dinner, I want to just go to dinner with one person. I want to sit across from you, and I just want to get in your brain. Like, tell me what's in your head.

Yeah, I'm just like that.

I hate that whole, like, oh yeah, let's do, like, a girls trip. It's like everybody's sitting on the phones. Like, what are we doing? I just— I feel like that's something that we're really losing these days is this connection and the art of connecting to people.

I agree. I agree 100%. And I think that's what makes me have minimal friendships. I don't have a lot of friends. You know, I've always been solo in life. It feels like just going through life alone, even though I've been in these relationships. But yeah, like, I'm, I'm more of a loner type of person. Very much so.

What makes you say that you don't have that many friends? Is it like because you demand a lot from them or—

No, I'm very easygoing friend. I don't demand anything from anybody. But I just don't, you know? Like, I have a few core friends that I love and that are there for me. But that's it. Like, I don't have a whole girl group of, like, let's all go out. And I don't have that. Never had that.

I don't have that either. Yeah. Sometimes, like, I'd be brought into those kind of groups. Yeah. But then I find myself, like, Like, I'm in the room, but like, I'm not really—

you're not physically there mentally. I'm not mentally there.

Yeah, I'm just like mentally somewhere else because I don't know, like, to me it's kind of like the, the value is gone. It's like the connection is gone because now it's so superficial. And it's also a lot of energies, and it's hard for me to be friends with women because I am a very, like, I'm a lot, you know, and I'm very, like, there's I can say some things that might not be very nice, but they're going to be very straightforward and honest. Yeah. And I think a lot of women take that to heart, and it's like— and sometimes, like, they get really offended by things. And I'm just like, that's another thing about me. This is what I just learned. I'm very oblivious to, like, a lot of relationships with men, like friendships with men, because to me they're friends. But women see something else. And I'm just like, just because there could be something. I will never cross that boundary, you know, like, I'm not going there because to me, like, I care. Like, I see people as people. I don't go out to meet men. I go out to meet people. Yeah. And I think that's a difference when, like, I'm not trying to get a guy. I don't— yeah, I don't need that. And so it's just, it always goes over my head because, like, some people started pointing out some things and I'm just like, damn, I'm really that oblivious.

Yeah, it's just that sometimes you have positive projections, which means, like, you don't want to really see that part of it, so you choose not to. Right. You know? Like, if I don't want to see that part of it, I'm not going to see that part of it. You know? I'm choosing not to look at it in that way. Because I've been there, and I've done that. But then once I've been in relationships, it's become like, you don't see this. You don't see the problem. You don't see this and that. And I'm like, OK. I guess you're right. You know? So that's my thing. I just— I don't believe that men and women can't be friends without there being a woman who's either friend-zoned you completely. I think a lot of male and women friendships are males' failed talking stages. Really? Yeah, I think that. What makes you think that? I mean, I said this on the show, but I've never been a friend with a man who just was my friend. Like, he would always try something or say something, or now you have feelings, or now you have this. And it could be I'm in a whole relationship and we're talking about relationship advisor. We're talking. I'm helping him with his relationship. And then next episode, it's like, I have to tell you something. I just been feeling this way. And I just— I hate it. You know? And this has happened with me with men and women, you know? So it's very, like, difficult to navigate at times because it becomes frustrating when you're really hoping for a genuine friendship.

But do you think it's a projection that you have that, like, men— like inherently going to want you or like would want to be in a relationship with you.

And it doesn't even mean they want to be in a relationship with me. Like they could just want me sexually. If I pull down my pants, they would have sex with me.

I don't know what it is. Everything goes back to sex, right? At the end of the day, like everything goes— man, every— yeah, for a man, everything goes back to sex. For— and I guess like maybe there is a truth to it when a woman is the one that's putting up the boundary. But I also feel like, I feel like there are men who are really tapped in, like I feel like tapped in spiritually, who are like really woke and they don't really see you as a, you know, they kind of like, to them what matters is like the connection as far as like a human connection. Yeah, I still believe that that exists and I still believe like obviously like, you know, if we were to let all of it fucking go, probably everybody would be fucking each other because like there's gonna be no standards out here, you know, it is what it is, especially in America because I feel like it's such a free country as far as sexual freedom. No matter who says what, it's a very free country in that matter. But I still believe that there are— and again, what do you define as a friendship? Obviously, if you talk about relationships, that's kind of like now we're already going into that territory. But you can talk about things that have nothing to do with relationships with men.

No, for sure. But even if it has nothing to do with relationships, I still feel like that there— unless you've set a strong boundary, it won't— it could go there. So how is it a friendship if I have to set this strong boundary with you in order for it to not be a friendship? That doesn't make sense to me. With your homegirls, you don't set the strong boundary. You can't like me and you can't want to have sex with me.

No, I never had to say no. I mean, I think it's like what's, what's understood is not— it doesn't really need to be us. Yeah. As far as like, I think what it is, is, um, to me, because I have a lot of male friends. Yeah. And to me it's what energy do you give them. And I feel like it's also when you have conversations with them, like, I'm not going to be lovey-dovey with you. Yeah. Like, you know, we can joke around. Yeah. But it's also very much understood. And I feel like maybe because I am so much taller than many men that a lot of them are kind of like, well, she's not into me. Like, so like, this is where like, you know, we can And I can truly— I grew up with a brother. Yeah. So, like, I've always been around guys. Like, I went to kindergarten. It was just me and one girl and then 10 guys, you know? Like, I was in school. It's always been more guys than girls. So, like, to me, I just— to them, they're like, they're my homeboys. And, like, they're homeboys that I don't even see them as sex objects. Like, to me, they're just people that, you know, we can talk to, we can connect with. Especially, like, when it comes down, like, when I was in corporate, to me, there was just people who I can learn from. Yeah. But it was never You know, I feel like it's always— it's— I've always kind of had the sense of comfort with men where, like, and they would come and talk to me about things that are, like, comforting, or, like, because I would just listen to them. And, you know, I guess if you say, like, oh, if they offered to have sex with you, like, I would say no. They would probably say yes.

But, like, that's my point, right?

But at the same time, like, I can't put that as a thing on every single man that I meet.

Maybe it's not every man, but I feel like it's It's a lot of men. And that's just the truth. I feel like men and women— I just don't— I truly don't believe that men and women can have genuine friendships without it somehow— you know how many stories I know where like, we were best friends for 10 years, and then we became lovers. Now we're in a relationship. Or we were best friends for 2 years. Or we were friends first. And even Anthony Anderson and Roxy Diaz in a relationship. Literally his story is we've been friends for 7 years. Like, people are friends and they do— it just somehow always something happens.

But I feel like I actually like it that way because when we talk about dating, I feel like we overlook that aspect that we do need to be friends.

I agree with that.

We need to be friends and we need to get to know each other. And so like, maybe that's the right way to date, you know, because we always go into, okay, the first date pays, you know, and there's always rules and stipulations to how we are dating. And all of a sudden you have those butterflies and then you put all this— but if we were friends, then maybe this world would be a much better place.

I mean, yeah, I can agree. And I do think that that's important. But when we're speaking about being in a relationship, is it okay that my man is going out on like a one-on-one dinner with his homegirl? No, that's not cool for me. I'm going to be like, what? Why is it cool for you guys to be talking on the phone all day, every day?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I feel like when you're in a relationship, but like you can have— so yeah, that's one thing about like being on the phone. No, but like you can have, you know, conversations because you still need to live your life though.

You still need to live your life and you still have that. But I also just think that like there's boundaries in which you have friends with women. Yeah. Period, point blank. And men and women, like, I just don't fully believe— and people can say it's an insecurity or whatever, but it's just my experience. It's my experience. So there is a— there's always— I always give a chance. So I'm not like, I can't be your friend. I always give a chance. Like, maybe we can be friends, maybe we can be cool. I'll always give it that opportunity. And every single time something is said and it's not— and I analyze it like, is the energy that I'm giving? It's not. I'm very cool. I could be very like homeboy-ish, like making jokes.

But I feel like if we talk about the sense that like, let's say that people are single, I feel like if we're talking about just like the single people, Yeah. I think that that's, you know, I, like, I have friends that genuinely support me. Like people who, you know, people like, especially when a lot of things went south for the podcast, you know, when I drop Kim's episode, I get 26 views. Like I'm on my floor crying and I like, the only people who could like get me through that day was a bunch of male friends that I had that called me and they were like, listen, I believe in you. Keep going. Like, it was just like that support and that motivation that was just very different. Right. Yeah. Now, if I were in a relationship, obviously I would seek for that from my partner. Yeah. Right. Because I'm in a relationship for that reason, because we are on that level. Right. So I feel like there is a difference between when you are in a relationship and when you're single. Because, like, obviously there's going to be different rules to the game. Maybe because you've been in relationships for so long that to you, you only know this one way of living life. And it's rightfully so, because that's your experience. You know, my experience is very different where I'm single majority of my life. Yeah. So to me, you know, like, I don't see them as if like, oh, they're trying to like, yeah. And a lot of men that I meet personally, they don't really wanna be in relationships like that. A lot of them are still building themselves or they are, you know, growing their businesses or whatever that is. Mm-hmm. Like, their focus is mostly on the money. You know, it's mostly on the money and power versus like bitches. Like, they don't really want, like, they don't want that. Like, to them, it's not, yeah. And a lot of men, and thankfully, that's where I'm now in my life, where a lot of men that I meet, they really just, they choose who they want to interact with as far as women go. Because, you know, there's a lot of groupies that we talked about. There's a lot of different, like, energies and experiences that are not really serving them and where are they going. So they become very selective who they allow into their space, for sure. And so when I talk to men, to me, it's, you know, what's the if I'm calling a man, then I'm calling with something, you know? I'm not calling with just like, hey, like, let's chit-chat. Because like, yeah, I have friends like that. I do have a male friend like that who I can just be on the phone with, but it's like, to me, it's a sense of comfort for sure. And, and that person is like a little bit more than just a friend, so I ain't gonna lie. That like, you know, he's more than a friend. Exactly. Okay. And that's— but that's like, that's one person. This is the first time it ever happened in my life. Yeah. But usually my male friends, like, nah, you know, we'll just be okay, like, we're gonna chop it up. Because like, men don't really like to talk like that on the phone. The phone talking, especially when you're in a relationship, that's dead to me because you're mentally cheating on me.

Yeah, that's dead. That's dead.

I, I'm not gonna accept that. You can go— I might be okay with you having sex with somebody else, but I can't like— and it would have to— you would have to talk to me about you going and having sex with somebody else. I would need to know. But again, no man is going to do that.

But I'm just saying, you're saying you would be okay with that?

No, I'm not. I'm saying I'm going to be okay with that if he comes and tells me to my face, hey, Lesya, you're going to be okay. Okay, you're going to have a conversation about it and we're going to see what is missing there and we'll decide whether, okay, if this is something that you want to do or we're just going to break up.

Wow. Okay.

Because at the end of the day, like, I understand men are sexual. Am I going to be like, oh yeah, like, this is great. You know, I want to, you know, I want my man to go and fuck around. Hell no. No, I don't. But if that's something that my person comes to me like 10 years into relationship and he says, this is what I feel like I want to do, let's talk about it.

That's mature. I think that, you know, I do believe men are sexual. I always say this, I like my cheating old-fashioned. Don't come to me, don't let me find out. Be slick about it, maybe even pay for it. Make sure that I don't know, honey. That's what I'm—

The don't know part. I don't, I don't want to know who she is. I don't, I want to know, you know, I want to know that, you know, be slick about it. Like, I want to know that that's something you want to do so I'm aware. So because shit is going to get back to you.

Not always.

Um, I, and the thing about me, I'm a detector. I will find out.

Yeah, see, I am like, things do come to me, but I try my best not to like find out anything.

No, no, yeah, but I know me, so that's why to me it's Let me know this is something you want to do. Yeah. Because now I'm aware, and now I feel like it's a level of bond that we've created where you truly trust me. I respect that, that you have that level of understanding, and I am your person. But there, like, let's say, like, I don't want to have threesomes. I'm sorry.

I just know me. I've never had—

I don't like— to me, it's not something— I had it one time, and it was the worst thing in the world, and I will never do it again.

What made it so bad?

It was just like the girl was ugly. She was not like It just, it wasn't it. Like, honestly, it just ended up me and the guy just fucking each other. So it's like, she was ugly as fuck. So like, it was—

so you weren't willing to do anything with the girl? Hell no.

I'm not into women. So it's like, you know, let's say that like, this is something that either we would have to sit down and have a conversation as far as, okay, like, Les, this is what I want. Yeah. And I'd be like, all right, let me mentally prepare for that. Let me choose a girl. There's going to be rules and stipulations. To what we're doing. Either we're gonna go this route, or I, you know, if I'm— yeah, if I'm in my bag and I'm doing something that like I just need to stay in my peace, I'll just say, listen, you got a week, go do it. Nothing comes back to me, nobody gets pregnant, no sexually transmitted diseases, no, you know, no hey girly text, none of that. Go do that shit, come back, get your rocks kicked, filled, whatever the fuck you want to do with it, come back home, and that's it. Like, if that's something you really— like, you feel in your heart that that's what you want to do, and if you're going to still have respect for me afterwards, go ahead, do that.

I respect that. I honestly think that's mature. I respect that.

Honestly, I don't even know if it's mature or not. It's just like, I understand the way that men think. I think it's mature.

I respect it. Like, I think it's— I can respect that, especially if, like, you know, you've been with someone for so many years. Yeah. You know what I mean? But then I always say, like, what about the opposite?

What if you want to do that? Absolutely. Yeah. And that's— I think that's the level of the bond that we need to have, where I'd be like, listen, there's this, this, this, this young NBA player that's really trying, and I just really want to fuck him. But, like, I'm— see, like, the thing for me is, like, I'm not really— I'm just— I'm so about one person. Yeah. That I don't really— like, to me, that won't even do anything, and I'll probably regret it later, and I'll feel horrible about myself. So like, sex is a big deal, even though I used to say like it's not. Now I know it's a big deal. Yeah. So I'm not going to give my body to somebody else. If there is— that's what you want to do. If you are like on a guys trip and then it's just like, you know, you get too lit and then you just see some ass that's walking by and you're like, I really want that one. Listen, as long as I'm aware of this is something that you did, because now when I'm aware, I can protect myself. But when I'm not aware, now you're crossing it. Now you're really crossing the boundary that I am not okay with. And that's where— that's why I hate cheating. Like, just tell me how it is. Like, yeah, you don't have to lie about that, you know? And I feel like, I mean, if you got balls like that to tell somebody, hey, like, I'm about to go and fuck this girl, that's crazy.

Men think that's a setup. They're like, this is a trap, I'm not telling somebody that.

Men think that I'm a setup to begin with because they're like, it just sounds too good to be true. I'm like, no, if you don't want to talk to me, just tell me I don't want to talk to you. I will never go off on anybody for that. I'm just like, we all have our own moods. Like, you know, I like to be in my head sometimes. I like to have a slow morning to myself, and I don't want to respond to you. Yeah, I'll be like, hey, I'll get back to you. But I'm very communicative about that. And when I say, you know, when I tell men that, they're like, but if you were to say that, you know how many girls are going to go crazy? I'm like, how? It's girls, not me. I will be like, cool, I respect that. Like, that's good. You let me know that that's where you at. Yeah. And that's bigger than just like you telling, you know, me sitting here and overthinking because I'm an overthinker too. And I will come up with a whole scenario that you didn't even know existed. Right, right.

I'd rather you just tell me up front. Exactly.

100%. Yeah. But I don't know. I mean, what do I know about relationships? I feel like we all talk about it, but I'm like, the moment I get into one or like into something, something that leads to it, I'm just like, shit.

Yeah, I mean, it's a learning process.

It all goes out of the door because I'm like, I don't really know. Yeah, what are we doing here?

It's a learning process. So you—

would you ever have a male friend or no?

I would try, but you know, I've tried, met plenty of times. I have like brothers and I have like family friends who are married, who are male. So I do get a lot of male advice, you know? So I'm really grateful for that. And I feel good in that department. I'm not seeking any new male friendships at the moment, no. But I have good men in my life, and I am proud of that. And I have a father, you know, I have, I have present men in my life for sure.

So you have a good relationship with your father, huh?

Me and my dad are good. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. And him and your mom, they're not— they're married still, but they like—

yeah, they don't really coexist.

Exactly. Why? Have you asked him that?

I mean, I know why, but I'm not going to blast all their business on the show, you know. But yeah, they coexist.

That's interesting. Yeah. That's something you would never want to do though.

No, I wouldn't want to do that. There's been relationships that I could have been married and had a kid And I decided, like, I'm not going to do that because I can see myself just coexisting with you in another 30 years and just over it. I need to be— I need passion. I need love. I need energy. I need us to connect on a deep spiritual level. I need to feel just in tune with you. You need to be my friend. We need to know that even when things go bad, we have that foundation. That's important to me.

But you do want to have kids?

I want to have a kid. I'm getting older now, so—

Is that what's like prompting you to want to have kids?

No, I've always wanted to have a kid. I've always been a motherly, like, nurturing person for a lot of people. I've helped raise my— some of my, like, nephews and stuff. I'm very motherly, I'm very nurturing. I've always wanted to a kid. I always wanted a son. I definitely do. But, you know, I am getting older and I'm aware of that. So one is okay with me. Soon? Maybe next year.

But how is that gonna— like, have you thought about you having a show and like, you know, yeah, kind of like doing your thing, and then there's gonna be a kid? Do you think it's gonna stop you? Because I think that's a big, you know, it's a big question that a lot of people have when they get in, especially in the industry, because now, like, obviously things are going to change. You know, you can't film as much. You know, you got to spend time with your kid and all of that.

My goal is to, yes, be successful in any space that I'm in. But my vision and my legacy is connected to the children that I have. Okay. So it's important for me to have a family. Not as important. Not— it's— I'll say this, I'm not so pressed for marriage and a family that I'll do it with anybody. The situation has to be right. You know, there's been plenty of opportunities where I could have done that and said no. It has to be right. It has to feel good for me. And the timing and everything has to be in alignment. I know that that might slow down my career, or it might not if I have the right things in place, you know, you have the right husband, you have the right team, you have the right people. I've seen it. My sister was one of the biggest stylists when she was 23 years old for Monica and Brandy and everyone and Usher and this and that. And she had her son right there on her hip, you know, and she has a husband and she's been married for 30 years. And now her son is a big A&R in the music industry. And he's my baby. And you know, like, I've seen my family I have a very successful family of entrepreneurs that have children. I have 5 sisters, all married, all have kids, all successful millionaires, you know. So for me, I do have the fear of like, yeah, it could hold me back a little bit. But I also know if the situation is in alignment and things feel good, then I'm ready. I haven't been in that position where I felt like everything was in alignment and I needed to do to do this now, but I have a strong feeling that maybe next year I will be. You will be. We'll see. What about you? Do you want kids? Yeah. Marriage? Yeah. Okay.

I don't want to have kids outside of marriage. Yeah, me either. I'm very like— to me, and I don't want to just have marriage so I can have a ring. I don't care about— I don't care about weddings. I don't care about rings. I don't care about dresses. I don't care about pictures. I can care less about that. I actually I will be married with kids and nobody's gonna know that I'm married on social media. Yeah, there's gonna be no signs of me being married. You would still think that I'm single.

Just, you know, what if your partner felt hidden?

Um, we will have a discussion about that because it's not— it's about social media only. Yeah, in real life, you know, we'll be together.

I had a relationship that because I wasn't open on social media, it was like they didn't feel seen or appreciated. They felt hidden.

I think that the people that I'm gonna be around, um, and people who I'm dating actively, they're already very seen and very, you know, very out there, that it doesn't really mean much to them because they are—

exactly.

We both want privacy. Exactly. And I think that's where, like, we really— it, like, my personal life is my personal life.

Exactly.

My kids are not going to be on social media. Same. I'm, you know, my kids are going to be— the pictures are going to be sent to the family. Same. And, you know, maybe close friends. And even, like, you know, I'm a person who I'll be, like, dealing with somebody I don't tell my friends about that. That's good. For a while, because I don't want them to alter my— Your vision, my perspective on them. Smart. I'm very— and it's a learned behavior because you see things on social media. We see it every single day that couples break up. Like, yes, I don't want that.

I don't want that for myself. That's why I'm very adamant about keeping my relationship private. I don't want people in my business. I don't want people knowing what I have going on. I'm very private about that. And I think too, like, I'm 35 years old, and like, whoever I'm gonna be with is who I'm gonna be with, and that's not gonna be on social media for people to see my relationship.

But also, like, social media for us is a job now. Yeah, we work there. And it's like, to me, we work there.

We literally work there.

Yeah. I don't want to bring, you know, my husband and my children to work. Yeah. Like, they, they stay at the house, you know. That's where— exactly, that's where we got it. I I need to have everybody in my business. I don't want people talking about how somebody looks, how I look next to them. No, that's my thing. And it's like, let me have something to myself. Yeah, 100%. I don't really— and I think my business and my brand can be so much more than just my personal life. And I get it, that sells. Yeah, that sells so much. Because there's this one girl on TikTok who sold her engagement to People magazine, which is like, Oh, you didn't know you're gonna get engaged, but People magazine was there taking pictures? Like, come on now, this is kind of bullshit. Like, you know, that's, that's something that— and I, and I love when I see celebrities and people of status who hide their relationship and they're just like, don't even address nothing. Like, to me it's like, good. Like, keep it that way because it's not necessary. Like, not everything has to be like— not your— listen, we can talk about experiences. I will never say no names. I'll never say messy, like none of that.

Yeah.

I don't believe in all that mess. And I think that you can, you can build something without being messy and dramatic. For sure. Just, just be yourself. And for sure, there's so many other things. Cause like, I, I believe that there is a lot of other things that I can help people with, you know, like same as you trying to help women out. Yeah. I, I just feel like there is just the presence and the energy and the conversations. They can still help so many people out, whether it's gonna take them through their workday, whether it's gonna help them in their relationship. Maybe they heard something that's gonna, they're gonna implement into their life. Whatever that is, but not my personal life.

I agree. There's aspects of myself that I have shared, but when it comes to my relationships that I'm currently dealing with, I really don't want to share that. Like, past relationships and things that I've learned from, I'll be more open about— no names, of course. Um, but yeah, definitely not anything current that I'm dealing with. I, I would be like open about saying I am in a relationship, but not who it is or what it is or what's going on within that relationship because it just adds— unless you're in this world and you deal with the level of scrutiny people deal with being on the internet and all the comments and this. People have made rest in peace memorial signs of me with my body, like, and crazy stuff of me on the internet. And I just— for me personally, I feel like my relationship is sacred. Sacred, and it's something that I want to keep close to my heart, period, point blank.

Yeah, absolutely. So I agree with you on that. It's such a deep and spiritual thing. And again, because I don't really— yeah, it's something like I just want to hold on to, and I don't want no energy to leak into it, especially from the comments, because people have so many opinions. And as much as I want to say, like, oh, yeah, I read comments, you know, it's not that I don't really like— it doesn't impact me in any way. I read comments and I see what people see, and it's like there's certain things that like, okay, I'm cool with this, but that's something you really reaching now. Like, now you stepping into the territory that I'm not cool with. Even like people who, you know, I've worked with, like, I ain't going to tell them who I'm talking to.

Yeah, yeah, this is my thing.

Like, let me be something with myself. Yeah. I know we gotta wrap it up, but I do want to talk about your, um, your weight loss journey.

Yeah, that is crazy. Yes, yes.

When I saw you, I was like, you got a body. Thank you. I'm like, damn, like, I want to look like that in a dress. Like, what?

This is crazy. Thank you, my love. That's so sweet. Um, yeah, I mean, now I will say, just to clear the air, I don't have a BBL or any of those things people were— nothing. Like, no boob job, no BBL, um, because people will think that. When I lost weight, it was before Ozempic was around. This is like 6 years ago, um, and it was just something that I had to do, you know. I wasn't big my whole life, uh, I actually had like maybe the ideal body when I was younger. It was tiny, but I had a big butt. I've always had a big butt. Then I gained a whole bunch of weight. I got up to 280. And yeah, I'm 5'6", so that's like, wow, huge for me. It is. It was really big. And I've lost over 100 pounds now. And it's been— it's a lot of work. Losing weight is a lot of work. I actually have a course coming out, a masterclass for people who want to lose weight, build confidence, because even after you lose the weight, it takes time for your mind to catch up with your body. Exactly. And you do— you are perceived differently. You are treated differently. And you do— at the time when I was big, I was like, when I get snatched again or when I feel this, I'll never feel any of these insecurities or these feelings, which you do. You still feel all of them. And it's an inner— it's the inner work that matters the most. And we're so caught up in the physical, especially as women, because we are literally judged and viewed based off of how we look, how our body looks, how our face looks, how our hair— everything is judged based off of our look. So it's always something that as women we're trying to perfect. And we're trying to be like, oh, her boobs look good. Maybe I need a boob job. Maybe I need to get my teeth done. Maybe I need to get this. Maybe I need to get that. I need a nose job. And those are the things that even after I lost weight, I found myself doing. And even now, I have to tell myself, you're good where you are. You know, be happy with the woman that you are. Love yourself. Take care of yourself. All of those things are super important. And working to build that self-esteem and that confidence was a huge shift for me. And it was more than just the weight loss. It was the work and the work that I did internally to get to that point. And I'm human. I have insecurity still, you know. Still go through all of the same things that most women experience, but I just have now way more self-esteem. The things that I'm willing to accept are much smaller. Um, my self-worth is, is a lot higher now, um, because of the inner work. So yes, the weight loss was a journey, and I'm grateful that I did it, and I want to help other people do it. But I also want to make sure that we're heavy on the inner work.

Yeah. Where can they find the master course?

It's coming out. If you guys want to see it, you check out my Instagram. Um, there's a link in my bio where you can sign up. It will be out within the next 30 days.

So by the time we drop the episode, it's gonna be out.

Okay, so yeah, link in the bio. Link in the bio. Link in the bio. It's out if you guys want to check it out. And really, you know, there's so many people who are gurus and coaches and this, but One thing I really live by is a lot of the things that I teach, coach, and help people with is things that I have actually lived through and been through. It's not just me seeing it from the outside in. This is my life, and I want to help people get there way quicker than I did and avoid a lot of the mistakes that I did. You know, I feel like, let me be the, the person who had to go through it, and now you can just learn from me. And do it a lot better, a lot easier, and make it flow a lot naturally.

Yeah, that's amazing. That's beautiful. I'm excited. I'm like, I might tap into, you know. Yes, I love it. Because I think like I have the, what is it called, the body dysmorphia thing. I'm definitely, that's, that's what I got since I was a kid too. But it's hard. Yeah, it's hard because it's like we're also women, we go hormones, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Like we literally like go through like 5, especially if prone to gaining weight? Oh yeah, 10 pounds, like whatever it is, like maybe 3 to 4 pounds, but it's still like you can feel the—

all the time. It's like all the time. And that's why that inner work and that self-esteem part is so important, because even me, like, there'll be times where I'm 10 pounds up and I'm on camera and I'm like, ew, it looks like I have a double chin, it looks— I feel crazy. And then I'll lose the weight and I'll see it and I'm like, oh wow. But it's hormones and it's a lot of things, and it's balancing your nervous system, your cortisol. Like, there's so many things that go into it that, again, I have I've actually done the work to figure out. And it's a shortcut for people to kind of help. There is no shortcut in the sense of like, you still have to do the work, but at least you have the tools. Exactly. And the right tools to get there. And that inner work is so important. My self-esteem and the things you're willing to accept change dramatically.

I love that. Dramatically. Well, where can people find you?

You can find me at @imazarfaraday. That's my Instagram. You can also see me at The Truth After Dark with me and Paul Pierce. Yeah. That's amazing.

Well, thank you so much. Thank you so much.

This was fabulous. You're so amazing at this. Keep going. Keep doing your thing.

Thank you. This is incredible. I mean, I'm so happy that we actually did this. And this is like my first— I'm walking towards the fear. Now I'm like, okay, I don't have to be in my studio. There's other things, exactly, other places, other people. So you guys, I hope you enjoy this episode. It's a little bit different, not what we usually do, because usually we just have fun. We have fun too. We have fun too. But there's a lot of sides to us, okay? And I need you guys to see that there's different sides. We can be funny, we can be dramatic, we can be spiritual, we can be deep. But I hope you enjoyed this episode. So we guys are gonna see you back in Atlanta. I hope. I think this is my last one in LA. Okay. And, and there's something else that's coming out. I'm building a new studio in Atlanta. Congrats. I know. So this is gonna be like next episode you're gonna see is gonna be a completely different look. Um, completely different feel. It's gonna be some incredible guests that are coming on and there's some changes that we're making to the show. But yeah, it's all so exciting and, um, Um, I'm excited to share that with you guys. So like, share, comment, subscribe. Go follow Azar, go follow Truth After Dark, subscribe to their YouTube channel, and we'll see you in the next one. Bye!