Jack Thriller: Love Is Blonde and Blind

I don't celebrate Christmas.

Really? So check this out, we do now. We do.

What you gonna give me for Christmas?

Some— some what?

What am I getting for Christmas?

You gotta ask me on my lap. You gotta sit on my lap. You gotta do the whole thing.

Hold up, Santa put you on there. You're not the Santa.

Yeah, hey, I'm gonna be Santa this year. You got me last year, so this year sit on my lap, tell Daddy what you want, baby. What you need? Come on now.

Are you gonna give me a gift?

Man, you shit in a box. About to give you this Justin Timberlake.

Wait, but if it's in the box, then it's not on you. So what the fuck am I gonna do with it?

Hey, open the box up. I'm gonna have it right here. See, I don't identify as a Black man.

Really?

What do you identify as? As a blind man.

As a blind man?

Yeah. So, you know, you dating a blind guy. You Russian? You identify as Russian? I identified as blind, dude.

That's amazing.

Yeah, you see, it's a lot of things you can get away— you can get away with murder when you blind.

Can you?

Yeah, I didn't see shit. I didn't know he was— I thought I was in trouble. I, I thought it was a threat. It's so much shit we can get away with over here.

Yeah, really?

Yeah, even with not paying your bills and all that shit. I didn't know you did that shit.

Wait, how do you pay the bills?

I just do prayer. Just pray. I hope this shit still be on there. I hope they don't kick me out.

This is Talk Less. Talk less, do more.

You gotta be freaked out now. I'm gonna make you work for them.

What the fuck? Wait, what's the definition of freaked out?

Freaked out?

Like, what is the definition?

Are we live?

We always live, don't worry about it.

Oh, okay.

We're talking.

You sure? Absolutely. Freaked out. Um, we eating each other booty.

Um, we eating each other?

Yeah, we eating each other.

Yeah. Isn't that like a normal part of sex life?

Where you been all my life?

Hiding behind the cameras.

Hold on, time out. So you, you, you eat booty too?

I'm what?

You be eating ass?

If a man wants me to.

Damn. So—

Oh, I think it was like one of the episodes that we did.

So— Damn, Rod, you hear this? Did you know this?

I— so—

Rod, did you know this?

So there was a time when I hosted— so my friend Rich and Unemployed, Free Finesse, he just got sentenced to 84 months, right?

No, not Finesse 4 Times.

No, not Finesse 4 Times, Rich and Unemployed Finesse. So he got sentenced, right? And last year when he went away, he asked me before—

So before you ate his ass before he went to jail?

No, why would I eat his ass? Oh, no, it was not before he went to jail. Goddamn.

Well, maybe he got plenty of people to do that in jail. That's true. Not that he's going to do it because he could have helped you got your paper. And then, mind you, you ain't got to do what he want to do after that, but put a couple of like noodles on his, um, on his books and stuff. Put a couple of like, you know what I'm saying, little soup.

That's my friend though. Like, that's my friend. He would have—

what does that mean?

You should be—

you said it earlier, you want to be with your friend. You said that.

What? I just said I want to be with my friend. I want to— I want a man to listen to me. But regardless, so he didn't have your friend listen to you? Listen, hold up, hold up, hold your thought right there, right there. So when we did, uh, he asked me to host, um, a season of Rich and Unemployed Uncut Live. It's like this whole show where it's a bunch of people and we discuss certain topics. So I was the host. Mind you, it's like my— I was just 4 months into podcasting. I was very fresh and very new. We shot 11 episodes in 2 days, and on one of the episodes, there was like 5 people. They were discussing this whole thing about eating ass. One girl, she was like, that's gay, I would never like do that to a man. I was— I'm sitting there, I'm just listening, and at the end I was like, well, everybody, bye. And they're like, hold up, are you gonna eat ass? I'm like, absolutely, I'll eat ass if my man wants me to. It's my man, I'll do whatever the fuck he wants me to.

Come on.

All right, before we get back to the episode, we need to do a special shout out to Woods Law right here in Atlanta. When you're dealing with a car accident, it's not just a crash, it's the insurance companies, it's the paperwork, it's the stress and everything that comes after. That's why having the right legal team matters. Woods Law is a professional Atlanta-based personal injury firm that knows how to handle these cases the right way, making sure that you're taken care of and not taken advantage of. They handle the process so you don't have to. And if you've ever been in an accident, don't try to figure it out alone. Call Woods Law at 404-840-0777. That's 404-840-0777. Less talk and more results. And shout out to them for sponsoring Talk Less Show. And right back to the episode.

Come on now. And people be wondering why, like, you know what I'm saying, a lot of folks is dating white girls these days. And, and, uh, because y'all are just open. It is what it is. It ain't no, no stigma on it or nothing like that. Y'all are just a little bit more freer when it comes to, uh, sexuality. And, uh, You know, you don't really care about what people think. You're living your life and you're living it out loud.

I care about what my man thinks. I don't care about what people think because that's all that matters.

That's all that ever should have mattered.

This is, this is, this is how I am as a, as a, as a— if I haven't been in relationships in so long, but anyways, if I'm in a relationship, I might be in one after this episode, we don't know. But, uh, if I'm—

you know you deserve me, right?

I deserve it.

You do. You've been a good girl. You've been a very good girl. Santa got me for you for Christmas. You hear me? I was under your tree. It's a blind dude under your tree.

Did you fit under my tree? I don't ever put trees up.

I'm too big. You didn't put a tree up this year?

No, I don't ever do that.

You don't? Well, I do.

I don't celebrate Christmas.

Really? So check this out. We do now. We do.

What you gonna give me for Christmas?

Some—

what am I getting for Christmas?

You gotta ask me on my lap. You gotta, you gotta sit on my lap. You gotta do the whole thing.

Hold up, Santa put you on there. You're not the Santa.

Yeah, hey, I'm gonna be Santa this year. Oh, you got me last year. You got me last year, so this year Sit on my lap, tell Daddy what you want, baby. What you need? Come on now.

How— what's, what's the limit? Do we have a limit?

Hey, it ain't no limit. You, you going to get Master P this year.

What's Master P?

She Russian.

I am Russian. I don't know, you keep referring to me as a white girl. I don't know what the fuck is going on.

Oh, Russian and white is different. Okay, got it.

It's very different.

Got you.

Why do you think I talk the way I talk? Why do you— like, we were bred to be like, we serve men.

Like, hey, hey, listen, if he dies He dies. Oh, got it.

I heard, I heard if I want to be with a Black man, I need to know how to cite the lyrics of a movie, or like whatever, the words of the movie, like the quotes of the movie. So I guess like it's a real thing.

See, I don't identify as a Black man.

Really? What do you identify as?

As a blind man.

As a blind man?

Yeah. So you know, you're dating a blind guy. You Russian? You identify as Russian? I identify as blind, dude.

That's amazing.

Yeah, you see, it's a lot of things you can get away— you can get away with murder when you blind.

Can you?

Yeah, I didn't see shit. I didn't know he was— I didn't know that much. I, I thought I was in trouble. I, I thought it was a threat. It's so much shit we can get away with over here.

Yeah, really?

Yeah, even with not paying your bills and all that shit. All that— I didn't know you said that shit.

Wait, how do you pay the bills?

I just do prayer. Just pray. I hope the shit still be on there. I hope they don't kick me out. But if you're blind, you don't see if it's on or not. Hey, when you walked in my house today, there was no light. Did it look like I knew where shit was? Did I go find the candy?

You knew where the candy was. I see why they wanted me to have you.

I fry the chicken, all that shit. Yeah, I cook for you, all that.

I don't eat chicken.

You don't eat chicken?

No.

She Russian.

She— okay, I am Russian, but I— it's not— Russians actually do eat chicken. I'm just like, what you eat? I eat sea, like fish. I eat salmon mostly.

I got salmon at the crib and I got some whiting at the crib and some scramps.

Look at you.

Yeah, I'm ready for you.

So how do you pick it out when you go to the store?

Um, uh, actually, my cousin Kenya, she, uh She goes grocery shopping for me. I just tell her what I want and then it come right to the door. I put, put my wagon out in front of the door and, um, it's a time when the, uh, uh, the grocery store delivers the stuff and they put it inside of my wagon and I bring it right on in. Yeah, I hear the alert at the door.

That's amazing. That's a lot.

Everything come to my door. Everything came to my door.

Oh, so you rich like that?

Nah, it's just 2026. Hey, listen, listen.

I don't have shit coming to my door.

Hey, hey, guess what else came to my door today?

Me? The Russian?

She Russian.

And you know what I did? We can tell the people that I— you said, hey, I need a handler who can bring me on the show. I said, no, I'mma go and handle you.

Yeah, she came in. Yo, I'm so flattered. Hey, you know, but you— I didn't know if you was crazy or was I crazy. Why? Because like, I seen you online.

Do I get crazy online?

Nah, I saw you on online and I'm like, damn, that's a badass white girl. But I found out you were Russian.

There you go, thank you.

Yeah, I apologize.

Thank you.

But then when you said you was gonna— you wanted me on the show and you was gonna come get me, I was like, I'm really about to get in the car with this stranger, but she might eat my ass. So I'm— some people got the luck of the draw and some people got the roll of the dice. And I was just like this right here, right? Bet it all on Jack.

You did bet it all on Jack.

I bet it all on Jack. I'm, I'm here for it.

And you didn't miss.

Yeah. And I—

and, and how was I in the car? Was I—

oh, you was great. I was hoping you were gonna put your hand on my leg. I was waiting on that.

In Russia, men do that.

Why didn't you tell me? What the fuck, man? Hey, I was just trying not to get put out the car. I was trying to pretend like I wasn't like the way I am. You know how you just be listening to motherfuckers and shit, you don't really give a fuck about what he's saying.

Like, yeah, girl, you are a great listener when you're blind.

Another sense that go up. It's definitely listening, man. I'm a really great listener. I hear all that shit. I got you.

Do you get tired of listening? 'Cause you know, like—

That sound like a trick question. Now if I say no, am I not gonna get my ass ate? 'Cause don't you— 'Cause you told me I could tell you anything. And I don't want this to come in between us. Don't you trick me.

We besties at this point.

Yeah, so—

Wait, hold up. I can't call you bestie 'cause Carlos is gonna be mad. There's a tier of people, and Carlos said that I gotta be the best friend. See, like, he's my best friend. I don't know if I'm his best friend, so I don't know if there's an even exchange. But if you become my best friend, am I going to be your best friend? Is that an even exchange?

Yeah, or whatever you want.

Are you gonna tell him?

Yes. No, no, no, no. I, I thought that you wanted me to. No, I was like, why the fuck we gotta tell this nigga?

No, we don't. Let's just do what the fuck we do.

Yeah, we gotta keep it Yeah, keep it playing. You don't want to know what you're doing. Let's keep it P. The kids are saying that, and they're still saying P. Even with Gunna, they, they still saying P, right? Okay, uh, well, let's, let's keep it— let's, let's keep it between me and you. That's what we used to say back in the day. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, that's what people say in general.

No, they still say that. Okay, okay, got you.

How old are you?

Um, I'll be 44 May 7th.

You're not that old. May 7th? Oh my God.

That's your birthday too?

No, my dad's birthday is May 5th. Really?

Holy shit.

Taurus.

This is spooky.

Really?

When is your birthday?

July 25th.

July 25th.

Are you kidding me? Are you gonna give me a gift?

Man, dig in the box. About to give you this Justin Timberlake. You hear me?

Wait, but if it's in the box, then it's not on you. So what the fuck am I gonna do with it?

Hey, open the box up. I'm gonna have it right here. Just lift the top up. Got you. I thought it all out.

Roy, can I ask you, is there still something in that Alani'i? You can pass it on to me. This is crazy. Dick in the box. Oh, I need a drink. Oh, thank you so much.

Hey, Roy, can I get some more of that martell, my dawg?

Yeah, pour it up, pour it up, because I'm sweating. We're gonna have some AC, right, coming? Oh, it's on. Okay.

I was just thinking to myself, it was a little moist in here when I first got it, but now my leg cool. Oh, thank you.

Your leg cool? Which one? Oh yeah, I can— now I can feel it.

Yeah, yeah.

And I was getting a little bit sexy in here, man. It is, it's the vibe.

It's really— say, hey man, hey Rod, I like what you're doing in here, man.

But how can you see it?

Say it again.

You can't see it.

I can feel it. Remember I was telling you, so I have 20% of my vision. Okay, 20%. So you know what I'm saying, basically, um, it's like wearing some really, really, really dark shades and whatnot. So, you know, so I can definitely see your blonde hair, I can see your face, but you can't see my eyes.

Can you see my eyes?

No. You gotta be— come right here.

Ah, that's too close. What if I turn blind?

No, wait, what? Hey, yeah, so if you that— if you that close up on me, the closer you are, the more I can see.

Ah, does that work on women?

Say it again.

Does it work on women?

Uh, I, I don't know. I don't know. I guess if you don't have no girls—

I was gonna say bitches, but now I'm like, I'm just—

it depends.

What? Okay, why? What does it depend on?

It depends on if that's gonna goddamn not give me this pussy.

How do you know if she's gonna give you the pussy or not?

I'm gonna say everything she want to hear until something pop off.

So, and she would have to come close to you?

Oh, that's usually how it works.

And then you just touch and you just—

Yeah, so, you know, the people ask me all the time about the whole Ray Charles thing where, you know, when Ray Charles, uh, wanted to find out if a girl was pretty, he would touch her on her arms, uh, like, and her wrist and, uh, her forearm. And so they asked me that all the time.

Do you do that?

I have to feel your titties and your ass. I have to feel your titties.

You're so Atlanta. Like, it doesn't get more Atlanta than that.

Wait, when you— what does that even mean?

Like, Atlanta is so— okay, well, shit, you can't see, but I'm gonna paint a picture for you, right?

Hey, you—

yeah, let me paint a picture. So like, when I moved to Atlanta, show now, the first thing that I remember, the first year I was here, literally somebody just wrote a comment about that. There is this man that tried to talk to me, and I guess he got mad at me because I was like, I don't know you, I ain't gonna fucking kiss you or like do anything. Whoa, I ain't gonna do that because I don't know you.

No, no, you shouldn't, you shouldn't.

No, you shouldn't.

That's wrong.

And he said, he said, oh, I don't want— so I guess he got mad at that because he said, I don't want you anyways, you got a rice grain booty.. And I was like, hold up, hold up. I never claimed I got ass, but in Atlanta I had no ass. So I took it upon myself to be on a mission to just like, okay, we need to build something back there. But also I'm 6'2", so like for me it's not easy, you know? And like, and I've been an athlete my entire life. So then I'm like, okay, well, you know, I'm just gonna start working out. I go to LA. You go to LA, you don't ever see no BBLs in LA. Like it's— everybody is just like natural body. And in LA I have ass. In LA, I got boobs. In Atlanta, I ain't got shit. I'm flat all over, just tall. They think I'm like a skinny tall girl, and I'm like, oh, asshole, just— I can't—

this booty hole in back.

That's what I say. And I'm just like, this is crazy. But Atlanta is like—

your bra is—

with my size bra, I wear bras.

You don't wear bras?

No, I just— I'm so size large everywhere.

Okay.

Gotcha. Everywhere.

I don't really—

what's—

what does a large mean?

Like, just— I'm a large. You extra extra large. I'm large.

Okay, got you, got you. So, so you, you like more nipply than my nipple? The boobs?

Like, we don't see no nipples.

Okay, okay.

Like, come out. I don't know.

Like, would you say you was like a, like an A cup or a B cup?

Like, if you know— definitely bigger than an A cup.

What am I, like a C?

C cup, probably. When I— back in the day when Victoria's Secret was a thing, it was definitely a C cup. Okay. I was like C34 or 32C or something.

Got you, got you.

That's not—

that's a little mouthful.

Yeah, it definitely fits in the hand.

Yeah.

And you know, I usually deal with tall men, so it fits in a tall man's hand.

Got you. Yeah. So like, man, it won't fit in the short man hand because I'm 5'9".

Shit, I guess it's like— it like overflows in a short man's hand.

Oh, okay. Oh, I got some big hands now.

You do? What you be doing with your hands?

And they done too, so you know they ain't nasty.

That's crazy. How do you know that they don't put like some red polish on your fingernails to fuck with you?

It's funny you should say that.

Why?

Um, people don't be comfortable with doing no bullshit.

Really?

No, they don't.

We friends, I do some shit like that.

Hey, I'm, I'm, uh Even though, even though I am like visually impaired, I'm still very, a very, very serious guy and a very dangerous man.

What can you do?

I have a complete set of skills.

Like what?

Oh, you know, shit, I, I chop throats and all kind of shit, man. So I say that to say it don't never have to happen until, unless you want to do some bullshit to me. Which don't really be happening like that, because off the rip you could just see it in my face, man. Don't be fucking with me like that, you know.

It's just painting your fingernails pink, like that's not fucking with you.

That's gay.

Why?

Uh, because it's fun. It's fun.

Yeah, it's like fun, like all of a sudden you come out and you have pink fingernails.

Uh, why would I do that?

Because I just felt like it. Painting your fingernails?

You want to paint my fingernails pink? Maybe you want to emasculate me.

No, I just think it's like a fun thing to do because you wouldn't know that that's pink.

Oh, so it's like a, like a fun little— it's like a fun little trick. Yeah, like, okay, you doing—

I never had a boyfriend.

You being a pixie. Got you.

Okay, I'm being a rebel.

God, that's rebel? That's what being a rebel—

like, oh, bad behavior. Because, you know, I can't be bad otherwise.

That's mischievous.

That's mischievous.

Got it. All right, see Now I understand what you're doing. Okay, cool, cool, cool.

Yeah, it's nothing harmful, it's just some light—

It is harmful now.

Who? Can you like just imagine there's a blind guy who has pink fingernails for 2 days?

Yeah, now you gonna have everybody calling me Gay Charles. I got a nigga way over town that's good to me, oh yeah. Yeah, I don't want that.

Okay, well, fuck it, we're not gonna do that.

Yeah, don't paint my fingernails.

Like, how do you know?

I'm glad we're setting up— I'm glad we set up boundaries.

Yeah, it's a boundary, healthy boundary.

Yeah. Oh, how would I know? Somebody gonna tell me that shit, you know? And you know, one, one thing, one thing about me and everything, the way I know I got good friends, um, is, um, uh, like my manager, uh, Playboy. You know, he's also my first cousin too. And he, whenever we going to go do something, he makes sure ain't no boogers in my eyes and my lips ain't crusty or something like that. And that's great for me. Or I'm wearing clean clothes, I'm wearing the right stuff. Like when I got dressed for your show, it was hard. But I don't know if I'm wearing the right hat though. Does my hat match my pants?

Yeah, it does. Oh, it does?

Okay, cool. I did that myself.

Good. You did a good job.

Ride them straight. Okay, cool, cool.

You look good.

Yeah, yeah, got you. Okay, cool, cool. So of course, you know, I do blind stuff. Like, you know, when you, when you, when you're visually impaired, you have your things in a certain place.

Oh yeah, you got to.

Everything is in a certain place.

I mean, I have it like, as a person, I am the same way. I need to, I need to know where my shorts are, and they got to be color corrected. I need my t-shirts in the color correct— like, I need to do that.

If you closed your eyes and in your house and then went and walked to all that, you could go pick it out?

Probably I would know. Yeah, I would feel like I know my clothes, so I would know how the material and everything. Probably.

Yeah. Could you walk around your whole place just blindfolded for a day?

Fuck no. I'll hit something.

It will freak you out?

Freak me? I'm scared of the darkness.

Really?

I told you that.

I'm like— You told me that.

Yeah. I don't know what it is. Like, I remember when I was a kid, I remember vividly, I was 4 years old. My parents left me alone in the house. And I remember it was like lightning outside, and it was, it was just like, it was like storming out. And there's some like TV show on that was super— like maybe Freddy Krueger or some shit. I got so freaked out because I guess like I couldn't reach the— well, no, I was tall, so I could reach the lights. But I don't know why, like the lights were off, and I was so scared because it was so dark inside. And I remember I just like cried myself to sleep because I was like, fuck this shit. I don't know why they would do that when I was 4. Like, that was kind of maybe like—

that's mean.

That's— I mean, I don't know if they—

you didn't deserve that.

But then like we would go out somewhere like in the night, like we always— so my, you know, we had like our apartment and then the garage where we would park the car would be like a few miles away because like in Russia is a little different setup. Like you have garages, it's kind of like little mini, like, like kind of like containers. That's where people like kept their cars, but it's like a set of containers and that's like where people would just like park their cars and like they own them. So like they're just— they're stacked up in a, like in a row. And so we would walk there and it would be like super dark, would be no light. And I would be so freaked out. I would have to like hold my dad's hand or some shit. Like, it was the scariest thing in the world. To this day, I don't like the unknown. If I don't know where I'm going, if like, let's say you tell me, hey, we're gonna hang out, if I don't know what time, at some point I'm gonna be like, fuck this, I'm not doing it. Because if I don't know that we're hanging out at 7 PM, I'd be like, you know what, I ain't got time for this shit.

No, I totally understand. You gotta always know what's going on at all times.

Yeah. And I feel like when I'm in the dark, it's like I don't know what the fuck is going on.

Well, I'm like Bane from Batman. Darkness is my friend.

But you had to learn how to make it your friend.

No, I always, uh, been in the dark, you know, ever since I was young, because I was born blind in my left eye. So, you know, in order to make— they, uh, they didn't know that I was going to always be blind in my left eye. So, you know, like I said, I'm born in '82, so, uh, the technology wasn't where it is right now. So it was a lot of superficial things that people were trying to do to make your, uh, good eye stronger. Or your bad eye stronger. So they would cover up my good eye and try to make me see outta my bad eye, which didn't work at all.

Damn.

You know what I'm saying? So, you know, can you imagine being a baby with your, you covering up your good eye?

Yeah.

Trying to make an eye that don't even work, like completely dead work. And so, you know what I'm saying? The trauma is already there from a child. So, you know, I'm used to being in the dark by, I had over-religious parents and stuff. So used to always, you know, just doing spells and all kind of shit. But you know, trying to make me see.

You know how like they, so they usually say if one of the senses is—

Everything else is stronger.

Yeah, everything else is stronger. If one is low, then everything else is gonna be like kind of like enhanced to the T.

Yeah, heightened senses.

So like you can hear way better, right?

You can smell better. Oh, I can hear the bullshit. From a mile away.

Yeah, like you can like even like the tiniest, like whatever.

I can smell some bullshit a mile away.

Really?

Oh yeah, my sense of feel is, uh, it's, uh, it's, it's pretty heightened. And, uh, you know, um, but you still got in my car. Yeah.

You didn't smell no fear? You're like, ah, fuck it.

Uh, you— I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm pretty comfortable in my space.

Okay.

Meaning I, I trust my instincts and I, I, I, I trust, uh, I trust God. Um, you know, you, you came to me through Carlos, and I trust Carlos. Carlos saved my life before, you know. I've known him for over 20-some years and stuff. So, you know, I knew that if he called me and said that you was cool— and mind you, I seen you online, and you know, when I first saw you, I, I just thought to myself, oh my, she's amazing. I didn't never thought I'd meet you for.

Really?

Yeah, you like a dream come true. You ever heard that before?

Never. What? This is crazy. Okay, I just want to tell people how it happened because again, we just read the comments. You didn't believe me that literally under Moneybags episode, every single— like every other comment was bring Jack Thriller on, Jack Thriller next, Jack Thriller give him a pill, whatever the fuck that means. And I'm just like, okay, cool.

I'm on drugs.

Are you on drugs? We'll talk about that. So I, um, naturally call my best friend Carlos Miller, and I say, Carlos, I follow Jack, I DM him, I didn't hear back. And he was like, okay, cool. He's like, you want me to call him? I said, no, give me, give me, give me, like, let me do it myself, let me see if he's gonna respond. He goes, Les, you do know that he's blind, right? Like, he might— because I was like, maybe he's gonna see the DM. He goes, no, he ain't gonna see the DM. Like, okay, Carlos. So he goes Just let me know. I'll call him. So I gave him a couple of days and I was like, I was like, okay, Carlos, we need to call him. And he calls you and what does he say? You thought he was going to do what?

I thought we would call him about my birthday roast and stuff. And he still ain't called me back about a birthday roast either. I'm kind of starting to think that we ain't going to have a birthday roast for me.

Yeah, we'll make it happen. Yeah, I'll make sure you're going to—

I'll call him. You're going to figure that out?

Yeah.

Tell him you want to host my birthday roast.

Oh, can I?

Yeah, tell them you want to host my birthday roast. Oh my God, yeah, it's May 7th, man. Yeah, May 7th.

Yeah, that's when you're gonna do that?

That's when my birthday is.

But what day is going to be the roast?

Put it together. Okay, I'm waiting on the motherfucker to call me back now.

Yeah, I would talk to him.

Yeah, yeah, I didn't— uh, I did see your DM. I just thought you was a homosexual or something. I didn't know if it was real or not.

What the fuck? Why y'all think that I'm a homosexual or AI or some shit? I'm a real person.

I just did. I don't usually have white girls in my DMs like that.

Really?

But I definitely see them, but I'm like, yeah, this is a homo.

And it's a verified page too.

Yeah, thought she was a verified homo. Thought she was a certified homo trying to take advantage of a blind dude. There's always people trying to take advantage of me because I'm blind, so I have to watch out for predators.

That's crazy. But then you told me that you're like, damn, I'm a fan of yours, of your podcast.

I didn't know that you— so you got to keep in mind, you don't go by your name on there. It's Court—

you, you—

Courtside Lesya. Yeah. So I thought it was like the that was Courtside pretending to be the fine-ass white girl from the, um, the, uh, the, the podcast. I didn't know it was you. I, I, I was— it just was too suspect for me and whatnot. And, um, I just didn't feel like killing about it, you know.

So you could have gotten away with it though.

Say it again. You could have gotten away with it, but I was asking for it, you know.

I—

when I, when I kill people, it's because they, they, they asked for it.

Okay.

Yeah, like if I had to really hit you up and you was like, uh, you, you had hit me back and then I gave you my number through the DM and then I, I call it, you call me and I like, hey yo, what's up, it's Les. Like That's on me. Or if you'd have came and whatnot and picked me up and then you ended up, yo, what's up? It's me, Les.

Yeah, I hope not.

Yeah, it's not gonna happen. So I have to make sure, sure, sure, sure. And I have to just trust God in that. But like I told you before, like this is, This is odd. This don't usually happen to me, you know, the whole, uh, Russian girl thing.

I'm sorry, I'm glad that you correcting yourself.

Yeah, I want to be with you, with me. I want to do what I got to do and whatnot. So if I have— if I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna have to start respecting you and your boundaries and your standards.

No man wants to be with me. Y'all are tripping. Nobody wants to be with me.

Why do you feel that way?

Don't say I'm too much. Nobody—

no, no, no, check this out. You know, you actually— you're not enough. Oh, you're not enough.

Really?

Yeah.

You're gonna say it and everything so I can believe you and just be like, oh my God.

But you enough for me. Oh, you're enough for me.

Do you tell that every girl?

No, just Russian girls.

Girls, sit. Oh, so you know another Russian girl?

No, no, no, I got a list. I got a list.

Damn, that's crazy.

Yeah. No, girl.

No, I don't, I don't think—

Hey, listen, I never trust the big butt and the smile. That's why I chose you.

Wow, that's amazing.

That girl is Russian. Never trust a big butt and a smile.

Oh, okay, let's do the intro. I gotta do the intro.

It's all good.

Hi guys, welcome back to Talk Less Show, where conversations go deeper than the surface. And today—

and I know you go real deep.

Oh, I'm going real deep because y'all blew up my DMs, you all blew up my comments, y'all just were begging for this man to come on the show. You asked for the madness, so I brought you the king of pop comedy himself. This man is a legend, legend in the streets, a legend on the internet. A legend in the trap. He was the very first comedian signed to 50 Cent's G-Unit label. He's been out wild and out. He's been on the 85 South Show. He's interviewed everybody who's anybody on This Is 50. He's the gospel sex symbol. Oh, you are. He's the man who survived being homeless, divorced, going blind, and still managed to be the funniest person in any room he walks into. So at this point—

oh yeah, don't forget I host Diversus too now.

Oh. Hosted Versus too. Damn, you did?

Yeah.

Wow.

2022, Music Soulchild and Anthony Hamilton. Yeah.

I did a bad job with writing the intro, but anyways, Jack Thriller, welcome to Talk Class Show.

Thank you for having me, young lady.

I am so amazed and impressed and just thankful that you were even agreeing to do this.

Well, I'm so elated to be here. Thank you. And then, you know, you got a hot ride over here too, man, you know, with the Martell.

Oh yeah.

Whatever you do. Hey, don't tell nobody.

It's in the Talk Less Show cup.

Come on now. Oh, this is a Talk Less Show?

Yeah.

Oh, is— I got it? Yeah, they can see it.

Yeah, they can see it.

All right, cool. Let's see how I'm holding it by the handle now. There you go.

Yeah, no, they can see it. It's branded, you know.

Uh, your branding is amazing. Can I have this cup?

I will get you one. Oh, not this one. I'll get you one.

Okay, so you're gonna have somebody else drinking out my cup? Oh.

No, it's actually the opposite. People been drinking out of this cup, so I'ma— hold on, we watched it, we wash it. We—

I'm not the first.

I mean, Russians, that's what you get.

That's— you know what, you know what, I was thinking about that the other day when I was at a restaurant.

You're not the first person to eat out of that plate and had that goddamn fork in my mouth. Yeah, and you're definitely not the first person to touch that fork in your mouth.

And you could be using a fork that somebody had a dick in their mouth, whether it be a boy or girl.

Exactly.

That shit crazy.

I can promise you nobody had a dick in the mouth drinking out of that specific cup. We make sure that doesn't happen before they come in.

So you make people sign something to say you ain't never sucked dick before you use this cup?

From now on, the next thing I'm gonna add to the contract—

yeah, it's an NDA.

It's an NDA. Please tell me, and if you lie, no dick ass, no dick ass, nothing in your mouth before you come out here. We, we do business out here. We don't, we don't fuck around, right?

Is she lying, bro? Ain't no dick been in this cup, right? Just Martell.

It stays here. It doesn't go anywhere. Yeah, it does. So it's, it's locked up over here in the safe area, sanitized.

I don't know how to feel about it. The more I think about it, the more it bothers me. Yeah, yo, you're right. This shit is kind of crazy to me right there. See, now this is the type of darkness don't fuck with me, but reusable goddamn, uh, plates and shit And fucking forks and spoons.

Reusable, meaning like the real stuff?

Because a motherfucker would eat some good shit off a spoon or a fork. It did, depending on how good it is. They licked that and it ain't— it ain't my— so hold up, because I'm one of the people, I ask, eat in your mouth. And so I'm thinking to myself, if I'm doing that and we eating ass And I like to think that I'm the only one to do the shit that I do, but it's not real. I'm sorry, I'm going on a tangent.

No, I was just gonna ask you, hold up, so you only eat with, um, paper plates and like plastic forks?

No, I should. That's what I'm gonna say.

Why would you do that?

That's toxic. I don't want what's been inside of your mouth in my mouth, unless it's your mouth. Damn! You just made me realize something else.

What?

Everybody I done been with done had a used mouth.

Well, I'm sorry. I don't know what to do.

It's all hitting me now. So this is what happens in the dark.

Yeah, okay.

This is what happens in the dark. When I think about the dark and what— if I dwell on things too long, and so it's just all— Spiraling?

And you know what, it was— is even worse. Any woman you've been inside of, somebody else has been inside.

Somebody been in there.

Yeah.

Somebody been sleeping in my bed.

Yeah. And some— then you don't know what you're mixing with because that's somebody's— somebody's kids are in there too.

Somebody been sitting in my chair.

Yeah.

His kids come out of there.

Incredible, right?

No Nick Cannon.

They might have died in there too. So fucked up to say. Some kids don't even make it to like, you know, the place that they need to go to. They just, um, yeah, they just die off before they reach the destination.

It's just a whole bunch of ghosts in there. Yeah, it's ghost pussy.

Yeah, dead sperm. I mean, you know, ghost y'all. This is why— so you, you're gonna go celibate for the rest of your life now because that's what you're gonna think about.

I get it.

And think about the condoms.

I get it.

Listen, condoms are made by factories, so somebody has touched that condom before it got into that little thing.

Condoms are graveyards for babies. Okay, just making me realize that.

Yeah, they are.

Wow.

And you can flush them down the toilet.

Condoms are caskets.

Wow. Unless you poke them or put hot sauce in it, right? I remember, was it Drake? Drake is creative.

The Iceman.

The Iceman, yeah, yeah, love that.

Yeah, yeah, you, you, you a Drake fan?

I love Drake, yeah.

You excited about his new project?

I don't really care, but sure, yeah, okay, go ahead. I mean, listen, I'm, I'm here for people's business. If your business is thriving, your project is going crazy, but the, the following that he's able to create and just like the way that he's running everything, that's, that's incredible. Oh yeah, it's, it's admirable and it's something that needs to be studied.

Definitely.

Because how does one person have such a clout to the point where people just want to— anything you do, people— like, you put an ice sculpture in the middle of Toronto and now people want to go and find out what's inside of it. Like, what kind of crazy shit is that?

That's amazing.

They're giving up everything they're doing during the day to go and melt that ice sculpture.

It's amazing. Amazing.

I want people to do that for me though.

You deserve that.

Thank you.

I want to, I want to help make that happen for you.

Oh, how are you going to do that?

I don't know. I just, I'm not— gotta figure out how to be the man you like because I heard the last guy didn't do you right.

They got to do me right, of course. The fuck, they got me fucked up over here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like, like, what, what, what are they going wrong with you? But how, how's things getting out of miskinscrewed? Like, how you been treated and how you want to be treated?

I'm gonna be treated like I'm queen. Like, if I call you, pick up your goddamn motherfucking phone. Point blank period. That's it. Even if you're, I don't know, underwater, I don't fucking care what— where you are. Just pick up your phone, say, babe, I'm gonna call you back.

And what do you think you're going wrong at?

Just exist. I just exist.

Talk to me. Let's go deeper. Let's explore. I want you to open up.

You want me to open up?

I want you to open up. Tell me where you think you're going wrong. What are you doing wrong?

I overthink. I think so much that there's so much that goes in my head. Like, you go into your darkness, you see, you say it out loud. That's the shit that I've been thinking about. Like, and also I want things yesterday. I don't want them tomorrow. I don't want them done like during— no, I want them yesterday.

You think you're too demanding?

Very demanding.

Okay.

I'm, I'm controlling. I'm not controlling in a bad way, but I'm demanding. I am. I'm straightforward. I am. I'm also anxious. So like, that's why for me, men got to like— I need to know that that's a safe space where like I don't have to question shit in whatever capacity it is. If I have to question something, don't even fucking waste my time. Okay, okay. You're writing down, or where is it computing?

No, no, I'm definitely— I'm over here following you right now.

Yeah.

So what do you want? What does that look like?

Peace. I want peace of mind.

What does peace of mind look like?

I want somebody to love me for me. Like, for what?

What do they usually love you for?

For what they can— like, what they can get, or for what do you have? I ain't got shit.

You ain't got nothing?

Nothing. So yeah, I got a kitty cat.

You got a cat?

Yeah, her name is Kitty Cat.

You got a cat named Kitty Cat?

And Luffy.

And Luffy?

And Luffy, my husky.

Yeah, that's your dog. And so guys date you just to get to your cat and your dog?

Yes, they want to meet my dog, and then they don't talk to me, and then my dog misses them. Shit's fucked up. You know how upsetting it is when you see your dog just laying down by the door and crying because the man did not come back?

No, I don't. But I could, I can empathize. Really? I can empathize. I can see what a dog might go through with, what do you call it, separation anxiety.

Yeah.

Getting used to someone that acts like they want to be there.

Exactly. Yeah. Can you imagine what I have to go through as a separation anxiety when somebody acts like they want to be there and they're not there?

So let me ask you this, uh, are you out of your goddamn mind?

Yeah.

And, and in what ways do guys tell you that you might be a little out of your goddamn mind? I don't care. But we have to care because we want to get better, right?

No, I don't.

You want twins? You say you want to get— do one and gone, right?

I want twins, but at this point I think I'm just gonna go to a sperm bank. I don't deal with no men.

I'm a sperm bank.

Maybe I'll come to you.

Yes, I would love to make a deposit. How much of a loan do you need? Your credit is good with me.

Oh man, but do I want kids to be blind?

What? Now this is— this happened to me. This is— my mom smoked my eye out. Why? Then you're not supposed to smoke while you're pregnant. Oh, that's what happened to my eye.

Oh shit.

And with my other eye, I was inside of a boxing match that, uh, went all the way wrong back in 2016. If you want to go see how I lost my eye, go watch BX Fight Club, uh, Jack Thriller, and you'll see how I lost my eye.

That's crazy.

Yeah. So why would you do some shit like that, man? I am, I am out of control. I was very out of control back then, but, uh, I'm a little bit more tame now. I needed some therapy then, you know.

What, what, what therapy did you need? Um, let's go deep, tell me.

Yeah, at the time I was just, you know, just had a bunch of pent-up energy and I was real egotistical and I wasn't humble, and I was just very, very selfish. And I, I was also, um, undisciplined.

In what way?

And, uh, you know, just in a way where I, I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it. And then I, I never, I never— I wasn't humble enough, and, um, I wasn't, uh, I didn't have enough restraint enough to not back off when somebody wanted to challenge me. You know, it's like if you call me chicken, I'll look back. Who you calling chicken? Damn. You couldn't dare me. If you dared me, I'd answer your dare.

So I could not paint your nails pink?

It wouldn't be a good idea.

Oh shit. Okay. Yeah.

But I said that to say that If you tell me don't do something to you, I ain't gonna do it. I'm gonna respect it. So I think basically what I was really fighting for more so was respect, but the whole time I already had it.

So was somebody just triggered you?

Say it again.

Somebody just triggered you?

I had a lot of triggers that I had not dealt with. Like I told you before, trauma comes from being in the darkness as a baby.

Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? And when just being, Being in the dark and people not knowing how to love you, it just comes from dysfunction. When, if you don't know love, you can't show love. So yeah, my people just didn't know how to love me. And when you have situations like that, you don't know how to love yourself right. And then you do things that, you know, reflect that. And that's what ended up happening inside that fight.

Wait, so when you say your parents didn't love you, like, was it because they were religious or they just didn't understand?

They were overly religious.

Okay.

Overly religious and, uh, not, not enough, uh, there's too much tradition.

Okay.

And conventionalism, you know, things that just came from the past and stuff that they, uh, you know, passed down behaviors of just ignorant shit.

Yeah. Uh-huh.

Ignorant shit, you know, ignorant traditions. Yep, you know what I'm saying? So you, you have to break those type of cycles and stop doing all that crazy shit and get help. Everybody needs help. And so, you know, people are getting, um, people have a lot of, are addressing mental illness today. Yeah, you can pass that down to your kids and you can really hurt somebody.

Yeah.

And ultimately it'll come out some type of way and it just end up exploding with me inside. And an incident where, you know, ended up costing me a little bit too much.

Did you ever talk to your parents about that?

Um, yeah, but when it didn't go, it didn't go the way I wanted it to. Once I realized that they ain't know what they was doing, and you know, they had, they had the third quarter in the game. When I say third quarter in the game, you know, the last quarter of their life, and, um, or the second half of their life. They don't know. People only know what they know. People only know what they know, and you can't really charge that to them. You just have to make sure you treating people better because you know better now, you know? And you know, the way they were, the way they were isn't the way they are now. So if I would just be doing that, I'll just be making them a punching bag. And you know, as you get older, you just have to learn how to get over things and just move on.

It's true, but also not true though. Like, I feel like I've— I had to address a lot of stuff that happened with my family, like Talk to me.

How do you deal with it?

Like with my mom, we had a lot of like, for example, what my mom would do, she would leave. Like, let's say that we get into an argument, she would just get the fuck out of the house. Like literally just. And then thing is like, I can't—

like for long periods of time.

Yeah, she would go like she would just leave the house and go on a walk. But the thing is like, I didn't—

but she would come back that day though, right?

She would come back, but then like she wouldn't talk to me for a day or two. And but there's— but again, so like this is how I perceived as a kid, right? Little did I know that she was going through— like I told you, my mom lost her twin brother. So like, she is mourning, she's grieving because they don't know what happened to him. Also, she's being sued by the business partner that she had. Somebody forged her signature, so now she's like in for a lot of fucking money that she doesn't have. So like, she's dealing with all of that, plus she doesn't have help from the dad, you know, because like my parents been together for 25 years, but like he wasn't there. So like, I didn't understand that she had so much piled up to her that for her the easiest way was just to leave go cool off, come back, and whenever she was ready to talk, talk to me. So that's why for me now, like, I always say that if you don't talk to me for 2 days, like, that shit bothers me. It bothers me. It irks me. It, like, I, I just feel like I've done something wrong. And it might be like I haven't done anything, it's just you don't want to talk to me. But like, when people do that, I'm always like, just tell me you don't want to— like, you don't want to talk to me for 2 days if we have that type of relationship, you know? Because like, there's some people that like I might not talk to for a week or two, like, I know, we good, like, whatever, life goes on. But like, if we've been talking every single day or like every other day now all of a sudden I don't hear from you for 2, 3 days. To me, it's like, it's traumatic. And I always overcommunicate that to people, that, hey, if you don't talk to me now, I take it personal because the pattern has shifted. So something is going on, whether it's with you or with me. And if it's going on with you, how can I help? How can I assist? And all you have to do is just tell me, like, let's not— you good. Don't worry about it. I'm just dealing with this shit. Okay, cool. So that's something. And I had to talk to my mom about that because You know, we— I think it got to the point where when I moved away, to me it was so important to talk back to my mom and like figure out the relationship. Because at the end of the day, like, you know, I, I've always been so curious because it's like I had my things that I hated or like didn't like, and then I wanted to address that with her because I wanted to like just sit down and say like, I'm not trying to blame you for this, I'm just— I just want to know your side of the story. And the moment we started sharing the sides of the story, I was like, wow, like I didn't even know. And then she'd be like, oh, I didn't know. And then like now it kind of like made the relationship way better. Like, it's been just very— like, I— and my mom has done some things that were very harmful for me.

Like, like what? She put her hands on you?

No, never. No, no, my mom is— oh, okay. But she cheated on my dad.

Um, but okay, and I knew about it. And you knew about it?

And I met him. Yes. So, and I kind of was living like this double life of like, I had to just be quiet, not tell nothing to my dad.

And did your mom tell you why she did that?

Yeah, I know exactly why she did that. She do I mean, they had no relationship with my dad. Like, they were just like roommates basically.

Okay, and she's not really cheating then?

It's not cheating, but still, it's a matter of fact, you know, like you stepping out of a marriage.

Would you say that you're, you, uh, if you, if you were to kind of like zero in on it now, have you ever asked your mom, are you inside of an open relationship with Dad?

They might not know, because he didn't know.

He didn't know.

He didn't know.

Were they still having sex?

I don't know. I didn't ask, but I don't think so. I think at the time they were, um, so basically what happened was they kind of had a really rocky relationship. And so like, they, we all lived in the same one-bedroom apartment. So it was 4 of us in one bedroom apartment. They slept in the— 4? Yes, 4 of us. My height, 6'2", and my dad is 6'5". My mom is 5'11". My brother is 6'4". So like, 4 of us living in one bedroom apartment. And I don't think like they even, you know, at the time, like we were just trying to survive. Like we didn't really have I don't think they had much time to, like, have sex or whatever the fuck. Like, I don't know, because everybody was just doing things all the time. And so I think— and then at 14, I went to Australia. When I came back, my mom was traveling a lot, and she— so her man was in Germany. They're married now. So she's married to the guy that she was cheating with. Yeah. So ultimately it worked out, and he's actually a much better dad for me now than my actual dad.

So what does that say ultimately?

It worked out, but at the same time, like, it put a fear in my mind.

About what?

About cheating and about the fact that, like, you—

at the end of the day, your dad was just a vessel to get you here.

Exactly. I know that, and I love that for him. Yes, absolutely. And I love that he did that. I am very appreciative of that fact.

I don't have— but that doesn't mean that him and your mom were meant to be, obviously.

No, no, no, no, that it was not about that. It's just the fact, like, I saw what is done to him.

What did it do to him?

His ego. Ruined. Like, he just became like this, like, like he just exists. Like, he has no ambition, no like passion for anything. It's like you could tell that the only thing that was like a light in his life was my mom because he still doesn't have no woman, nothing. Like, he bought his first apartment because my mom told him to, like, like there's some, you know, when his parents passed away to like do something so like he can go and buy his first apartment. And just, just like my mom was the person who was pushing him for everything and anything. Until like the moment my mom left, like, it's like the person has disappeared. And he lost his parents too. And then his sister is an alcoholic.

He's a shell of himself.

Yeah, it's just, it's kind of like crazy. And so, and I remember one time he got very drunk and he called me and he was like, I am so sorry for everything I've done for you. And I'm so sorry for the dad that I've been to you. And I know you don't deserve that.

Got you.

And so, and he's like, I'm very proud of you. I like, I love what you're doing. And he's like, I'm so sorry that I was never there. But he was also, but it's like, it didn't mean that he said, hey, I can be there now for you. Like, it just wasn't really the case. Like, he just was, I mean, he still is like just non-existent. And just seeing that like now, it's like, that's why cheating is a big thing. Like, I would much rather for somebody to tell me, tell me you want to fuck with other bitches. Tell me that. So I know.

If I tell you that, once again, you're not going to leave me, right?

If I'm okay with it, yes. If I love you for you, you're gonna, you're gonna stay, right? I, I'm not going nowhere.

You promise?

I promise.

So I can fuck these other bitches and you gonna, you're gonna always respect me though?

Don't bring no shit in the house.

Well, okay, just tell me what not to bring.

Yeah, and then make sure you choose which hoes you fuck with.

What you don't want me to bring in the house?

I don't want no diseases. I don't want nobody calling my phone. I don't want nobody DMing, hey girlie, fuck all that.

Okay, that's easy.

You gotta have discernment to choose who you want to fuck with.

I got you.

And I don't want, like, you are not having a relationship with No, never.

It's just me and you. Yeah. Tony, Tony, Tony.

But wait a minute, I thought you said I'm more than enough, so now you want to fuck other bitches?

No, you said it's okay.

You said— So I'm not enough now?

You are. You are enough because you want me— you said it's okay to fuck other bitches. That's more than enough.

So you're gonna go first thing, let me go fuck a bitch right there, right there?

No, I'm going to do what you said off the rip. This is because right now we just getting— we over here just laying down. The foundation of what we're gonna do.

Uh-huh.

And I, I love where this is going.

Okay.

You know what I'm saying? And I understand your boundaries and about the honesty that we gotta have.

I think every relationship has to have that honesty.

100%. You say— you told me all the things that don't do with these bitches, right? And then you, you was also saying it was something else that you were just about to say on top of that. Oh yeah, what type of— what type of chicks do you want me to be with?

I don't want to be with nobody. I just—

oh, you didn't say— I don't want you to be confusing now.

Yeah, I don't want you to be with nobody, but if, if, if that's something that like you got an urge to do, uh-huh, that I don't give you, that you just need, like you just can't fucking live without it.

Okay, question. So let's say I need you to take it in the ass. You can take it in the ass?

We'll talk about that.

We'll talk about it. We can work on it.

We can work on it. Yeah.

Threesome.

We can work on it.

You driving an easy bargain. We got some things to talk about. We just need to talk. You right, it's communication at the end of the day. It's communication, because at the end of the day, like you said, just talk to you.

That's exactly what it is. I don't know, this is, this is why it's so crazy, because it's like I'm so simple to deal with But men can't get that shit right, and it's okay.

I'm more than a man.

Oh, you are? Yeah. Tell me, what is it?

I'm an X-Man.

X-Man?

Yes.

Why? Because you got a sparkly eye?

It's a little bit more than sparkly.

What is it?

It's a girl's best friend.

Really? Yeah. Well, how does it manifest?

Oh, it is—

it's a—

it's a diamond fest. It's a diamond, um, diamond fest.

Yeah, so it rains diamonds.

Yeah, so when I cry— when I cry, you cry, I cry, you cry. Let's cry together.

Why do you cry?

Um, at this particular point, because I'm happy. So it's tears of joy that I met you. You know what I'm saying? I never thought this day to happen to me before.

Are you gonna mark it in your calendar?

Yeah, 100%. This is a holiday from here on out.

Thank you.

This counts as our anniversary.

Really?

Yeah.

What are we— anniversary of meeting?

Yeah, 100%.

Okay, tell me you love me.

I love you.

Do it again.

I love you.

What you love about me?

I love your titties. I love your hair.

That's so superficial.

I love your car.

My car?

I love the way you feel about your dog.

Okay, now we getting somewhere. Okay.

Yeah, I love the kitty cat.

Kitty cat? You love the kitty cat?

I love the decisions that your mother makes.

Really? Yes.

I love that your dad is on your heart and we just need to talk to him and just be there for him. And you know, I want to get him back to where he needs to be. Nice. And I love to, you know, find somebody for him because, you know, it's definitely a ribbon in the sky. We can't give up on him. And I just, I just want to be there for you. I want to be in your corner.

Interesting.

You feel me? So I need you to listen to your corner and watch for the hook.

Yeah, you just need to like listen to what I say.

That's what I want. I want to do what you say because what you say is what goes. Oh, you understand me?

Okay.

I want to be your brother. I want to be your lover. I want to be your friend, but You, you gotta believe in me, baby.

I feel like— I don't know if I believe you because I feel like I've seen some stuff that you do that a lot to women. You like to flirt with women. How are you so flirty?

No, no, no, no, baby. No, I just, like I said, trust my instincts. And I'm over here looking out for you.

You can't see.

I'm— but I'm gonna look out for you and I'm gonna hear out for you.

You hear it?

I can listen.

Oh, that's all I need.

Listen, listen, you don't even worry about no other women because guess what?

They're gonna be no other women.

I ain't seeing nobody right now. Rod, you believe me, right?

You know how much people are asking for him?

She was fucking me up with this shit. I thought she was goddamn capping, man. And then Rod started reading shit out. I'm like, oh, okay.

And he never read half of them. There's a lot. There's a lot of— they're still asking.

I was impressed with just what Rod did, the 5 he read. I was, because I really thought you was capping me down.

Yeah, like I got nothing else to do.

Yeah, you, you cute white girl, you gotta know you got a lot of shit to do, huh? Are you a cute Russian girl? I know you got a lot of shit to do.

Thank you, because I was like, I think I heard white.

No, no, that's not what The mic right here in front of you.

Yeah, thank God the mic was not on.

Oh, thank you, man. Let you know that's where it's at. I appreciate it. You a real good seeing eye nigga, man. My daddy blind, I told you that. You did tell me your daddy blind. How you doing? He all right, still walking to the gym. Okay, cool, cool. He by himself? Nigga, yeah, he live on in Adamsville, Southwest Atlanta. Hey bro, I tried to do it, I almost got hit by a car. I was like, you know what, I'm gonna call Tyron.

Wait, so who takes you to the gym?

Um, uh, the, the manager from the gym come pick me up every morning.

For real? Damn, you big deal like that?

It ain't that— it ain't that hard. I've been, I've been doing this for a long time. People don't mind helping you, though. That's a blessing. It's a real blessing.

Sorry guys, we had to take a little break, but we're back, we're back. And now I need to know, how do you How do you make people help you out?

I don't make people do anything.

But how do they, you know, 'cause like if I ask them for anything, nobody wants to do shit for me.

I think it's the, you got, if I see like, if I was a—

Say it again, I'm sorry. I thought you just, what?

Say it again. I said if I was a woman, you gotta use your femininity a little bit more. Act like you gonna fuck 'em.

Hi baby, can you take me to the gym?

Yeah, that's it.

And then they gonna be like, what are we gonna do, go to the bathroom and fuck in the bathroom in the gym?

The nigga ain't gonna ask you shit like that. Flat out like that.

How is he gonna ask me?

He's going to, you know, probably try to come home with you and everything, and then you just got to tell him you're on your con— you're on your, um, for the next year. Yeah, some, some shit like that. But you still got to do things to let him know that he could fuck. Like, you know, grab his dick sometime, you know what I'm saying? Lick a nigga nipple, you know. Yeah, tell him you got endometriosis, you know what I'm saying? Tell him you, you, you, you flare up like a motherfucker.

Say— He would be like, what about your mouth? I'd be like, oh no. Hey, I got herpes. Like, what the fuck? What do I say?

Okay, let me ask you this. Do you have a problem with giving away that mouth?

Fuck yeah.

Yeah.

If it's somebody that I'm just trying to— if I just need this man to help me out, why the fuck would I suck his dick? What for?

Because he's helping you out.

That's not enough.

Hello? No, he deserves it.

No, he doesn't.

Hello?

So what? So I'd be like, Ferg, help me out. Let me suck your dick.

Yeah, that would be, that would be really nice for you to do that for Ferg.

No, what?

And Ferg, the way, man, I'm mad that I, I'm a man. I'm mad I'm a man, I can't help him out.

That's like my little brother. What the fuck?

No, man, I'm— that's like my son because me and his daddy blind.

So wait, so you would suck dick if I was a girl?

But I'm not a girl, I'm a boy, so it's gay.

What's wrong with being gay?

Nothing, but I'm not. That's the only problem. But if he was gay and I was gay at the same time and we were bromosexuals, then that would be different. But we both happen to not be gay.

You would be brosexuals?

Bromosexuals.

Bromosexuals? Yeah. That's a new word.

It's kind of old, but, you know, I guess it could be new. Um, put bromosexuals through the comments and whatnot if y'all want to start adding that on to your, uh, uh, regular day conversations and whatever. Bromosexuals. Matter of fact, do it like, uh, Sesame Street. Bromosexuals. Can you say bromosexuals, boys and girls? No, boys and girls. That's bros that are more sexual than other bros. Yeah, we're more sexual than other bros.

So, okay, but if you—

but not with each other.

Hold up, let me ask you this. Yes, because you're blind.

Yes.

What if you meet a bromosexual?

What, what if I meet a bromosexual and he's trying to like bromosexual? He would be a homosexual. I'm a bromosexual. Bromosexuals are not homosexuals. Okay, I'm bromo, not homo.

Okay.

Yeah, I'm a bro.

But what if like you meet somebody who's like trying to like You know, I know what you asked me.

I get it all. I, I, uh, people, people sense heterosexuality out of me. So what you're asking me is, does every— anybody ever, uh, try to take advantage of me being, um, a handy— yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, you know what, tell me the story.

I want to know.

All right, so I used to—

let's get into it.

Hey, listen, I hope he ain't watching.

I hope he's watching.

But listen, so check this out.

What's his name?

Say what?

What's his name?

Uh, I ain't gonna say your name. I ain't gonna say Buddy's name because I don't want to— I don't want to embarrass Buddy. But it was, uh, a guy I met at the gym, right?

Okay.

And he was helping me out. Everything else is cool. He helping me out and shit. And then he told me he wanted to be a singer, but you could blatantly see that he's homosexual. He's, he, he's one of those, he's one of those guys and stuff. So, you know, um, uh, and I don't have a problem with that. And he wanted to, uh, know, he asked my advice because he knows who I am and he seems that, seen that, uh, me around like the industry and stuff like that, you know what I'm saying, online and all that other stuff. How can he get in the industry? And I was telling them about New Music Mondays and Stank On You Studios, right? He said, can I go with you one night? And I was like, yeah, yeah, no problem. And so I needed a ride to go there one night because all my regular rides failed. My, my, I did say that bullshit. All my bromosexuals failed.

Oh, you're from— okay.

Yeah. All my bro-mosexual friends, so I had to go with my homosexual friend. And so, you know, he telling me, he come pick me up and he's telling me his life story. It was pretty traumatic. I'm noticing a lot of homosexuals got pretty dramatic stories that are way more traumatic than my shit. And I didn't even ask him half of this shit. He just gotta tell you.

They gotta tell you, man.

And so, you know, being that I'm listening to him and whatnot, and we almost to where we got to go, I don't know how to tell him, "Hey, is there any way you can turn down your homosexuality before we walk in?" And so I said, "You know what? I don't need this motherfucker to leave my blind ass in this over here by myself and shit, you know, 'cause I be fucked up. So let me just go on ahead and just," Just take it on the chin, take it on the chin, no pun intended, or whatever the— not like that. Uh, we, we get to the spot and he helping me in there and whatnot, because, you know, I'm hoping people to just say, to see this, hey, hey, Jack needs help, because they don't normally see me in those— they don't normally see me with a homosexual. They normally see me with a homosexual, okay, and whatnot. So Everybody treating me normal and everything. We going through there and shit. As far as I can tell, nobody's giving me side eyes, but I am blind too at the same time. But it feel normal. So it's this one particular homeboy up there, his name Black. I forget what the rest of his name is. But he come up to me and he be animated as fuck every time. He talks to me, I'm talking about the handshakes be off the chain crazy. He say, "What's up to my boy, my homosexual?" And he was like, "Hey, okay." So he don't, he see that automatically what's going on here, but he says back to my homeboy, 'Hey, my homosexual,' he said to him, 'hey, make sure you take care of him. He's just a real good guy.' And I was looking at him like, this nigga think this my man, nigga. And I wanted to say I'm blind, but I don't want to like tip my homosexual off and think that him to think that I'm embarrassed that he there and whatnot. So anyway, fast forward, uh, he networks, he has a great time. He didn't network with some motherfuckers I didn't even know was gay.

Really?

I promise you.

That's how you find out though.

Yeah. Hanging out with a gay guy. So anyway, he getting ready to drop me off and we get to my stairs, right? And he say, he takes me up to my door and everything. I say, hey man, appreciate it, boy. We had a cool day. He said, can I use your bathroom?

I say, uh, he's trying to get inside the house.

Yeah, yeah, sure, you can use my bathroom, no problem. All right, but he got his— he got a— he got a thermos with him, right? He goes use my bathroom. He, he has another conversation with me when he comes out, and then I'm giving him whatever advice and stuff, and I was like, all right, well, shit, man, I'm gonna holler at you later. Then he walk on out the door. Then about, I wanna say 30 minutes to 45 minutes later, he said, "Man, I done left my thermos on your counter, man." I said, "Hey, I'll bring it to you at the gym tomorrow, man. Don't even worry about it, my boy. I got you." So—

You got him using this tactic on you?

He was, that motherfucker used this tactic on me today. I try not to take it personal, or get offended by it. 'Cause I started questioning myself. I ain't gonna even front.

You sexy, I mean, what?

Yeah, I know I'm a sexy man. You know I'm a sexy man.

Right, of course.

But before you can understand how sexy I really am, first you gotta understand my sexuality. You understand? You understand?

That's a good point.

Yeah, so anyway, Buddy, he tells me that he wanna try comedy. At the time, I got a show called The Jack Off at Uptown Comedy Corner.

The Jack Off?

Yeah, the Jackoff. Yeah, right. Hey, Ferg, you remember the Jackoff, right?

Yeah.

So, uh, he's funny too. The guy is funny. And we, we had a cash prize, and then, you know, you win this, uh, necklace from T-Pain, and then you win a feature spot, you know what I'm saying, on, uh, at, uh, Uptown Comedy Corner, right? So, uh, he comes up, um, I told him to do it. He bring about like 10 10, 15 people with him, and he wins the contest. He, he was, he gave it up. Oh wow, he gave it up real good, but he was funny. He killed it. He won, he won the contest, man. Um, so after he wins the contest, um, maybe about, I want to say a week later, a week later, I'm at my homeboy's house. We having a, we, it's a fight party. The fight, who's fighting? Um, I want to say it's Terence Crawford and Canelo.

Okay.

Or some shit like that. It's big. We have a fight party. And Buddy text me and he said, hey man, you know you say we best friends and stuff, because I call everybody my best friend, right?

Oh no.

Yeah, I do that. Yeah, Ferg, do I do that?

I thought I was special.

You are. You are my best friend. I don't understand why.

Don't call me that.

Hey, right. No, right. You don't got a problem being my best friend, right?

I have a problem.

That's crazy. Why do you have a problem with that?

Because you can't call everybody your best friend and call me your best friend. That's like, no, don't put me with everybody.

No, I won't put you with everybody.

You gotta call me something else.

I got you, I got you, I got you.

Come up with a name for me.

A boo friend.

Boo friend?

My boo friend.

There you go.

There you go, there you go.

If I find out you calling another girl like that, it's done.

I promise you, I will never let you find out. So anyway, Buddy text me and he said, "Hey, you say we best friends and stuff. You know, we need to hang out and everything. I bet you, you gonna have such a good time, man. You gonna be sucking your thumb at the end of the night." Wait, what? That's what he said. And then my boy, my boy, I let my boy and his wife, my bro homosexual and his wife, read the shit. And he's like, "Nah, he trying you, bro." Sucking your thumb? Yeah.

Why would he suck your thumb?

That's what I said. That's what I said. So I had, uh, his wife said, give me your phone. And she texts Buddy back and said, hey, I'm not gay, but man, I really appreciate you and everything, but yeah, we, uh, I can't really hang out with you. I hope you know that. He said, oh no, I wasn't saying, I wasn't trying you and everything and whatnot. I was just, you know, just wanted to hang out. And it was like, it was like, okay, this is as long as you know that I'm not gay. So, uh, I thought he was gonna ask me when we was gonna hang out and I was gonna tell him we wasn't and everything. But yeah, so to answer your question, I know that was a long-ass story and you're probably gonna edit it out.

I actually wanted you to tell me some stories because I talked to some of your friends.

Okay.

Um, one comment that I just got literally today, somebody said somebody's gonna— if, if Lesya is bringing Jack Thriller on, somebody's gonna end up pregnant and it's not gonna be Les.

Oh, you, oh, you, oh, you get me pregnant?

Apparently.

I don't know.

But anyways, um, since you said that you're a sexy man, one of your friends told me that there is a stripping past that you got going on.

Oh yeah, I used to be a dancer.

Oh yeah, tell me about that. I want to know some of the stories. How did you end up in dancing?

Um, you know, being a, uh, Ginuwine— you know Ginuwine, the singer?

No.

He got a song called, "If you horny, let's do it." Oh yeah. Right. Yeah, really good friend of mine. But at the time when the song came out.

That's like, what is that movie? The whole movie with it?

Magic Mike.

Yes, Magic Mike.

Yes, yeah, yeah.

Oh, so you were Magic Mike.

I was Magic Dyke.

Magic Dyke.

You know, 'cause a lot of women, a lot of people thought I was a girl for a long time 'cause I had a fat ass. But anyway, so when the pony came out, I was like 14. And, uh, you know, when I seen that, how girls was reacting to Ginuwine because they thought he was, he was a dancer and shit, you know what I'm saying? I was like, nigga, that's what I want to be when I grow up. And I want to be a fucking dancer. So it was this club, um, called Guys and Dolls at the time. Now it's called Pinups. And I went to go apply to be a stripper. And at the time I was still doing comedy. I was doing comedy, uh, at night and everything. And I would like, you know, I would leave the comedy club, go to the strip club. And goddamn, you know, shake some ass and shit.

And wait, how do you shake ass? Do you still remember how to do that?

Yeah, 100%, definitely. Yeah, I was, I was one of the baddest dancers.

Actually shake and jiggle, and what happens?

No, it was like my ass was real hard, so I couldn't really— I wasn't clapping like that. No one clapping like that.

Wait, so men actually shake? I've never been to a male strip club, so like, what is the dance?

What are you trying to do? It's like a twerk. I, I would twerking Um, I was doing push-ups, doing pull-ups on the ceiling. Hey, there's some real popular niggas in, uh, in Atlanta now that used to dance with me. Like, like, y'all ever heard of Mr. Two Weeks Out? Yeah, that's— we used to dance together.

We— ain't no way.

Yes, his name was, uh, Moet back in the day.

You think I'm bullshitting? Wait, for real?

Yes.

What? It's like in his bio, isn't it? Or something like— it's in his name.

Uh, Jason LaBelle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I don't, I don't know if he got it. I'm not sure. You would have to tell me that. You have to tell me that. But if you—

Jason?

Yeah, Jason LaBelle, Mr. Two Weeks Out. I know, I went to his gym.

Yes, yes, he actually did my show too.

Yes, why did you ask him that?

I had no idea he was stripping.

Why do you think he got in shape for her? How you think that's—

why the fuck?

Yeah, and he, man, he had to feed the family somehow. Yeah, you got, you got his number? Yeah, call him on, call him on speakerphone right now. Watch this shit.

Wait, for real?

For real, call him on speakerphone right now.

I'm about to call him.

Watch this shit, because you think I'm bull— hey, hey, say, say, guess who I'm— I'll tell you, I'm with Honey Buns right now. And guess what he just told me on my podcast?

Yo, Jason, I am with Honey Buns right now, and he's telling me that you used to strip with him together. Yeah, for real.

Nasty dancer dancing for money. We'll do what you want us to do.

Are you serious? For how long? Why did you hide this information from me?

That shit on my page somewhere. I don't hide it.

It just—

that shit was so long ago. About 20— over, over 20-some years. Over 20-some years ago. Yeah, that shit was 25. I know I danced in 2000.

2000?

I graduated high school in 2000. I started dancing then. Me— we just— we stayed in the same neighborhood. We was the same age, everything.

This is crazy.

Yeah, that's just how long we know each other.

Yeah.

Hey, hey, tell him I had one of the baddest bodies in the game. Oh, this nigga body was cold. He's like Terry Crews.

Come on. He said that the song Ride It My Pony inspired him to do dancing.

Oh, that nigga was— that nigga was a fool. And it was a beast. He had no clothes. When he first started, he used to put his drawers in his butt. You think I forgot about that? I didn't have no clothes. I used to come on stage butt naked. Niggas used to get mad at me.

Were you naked too?

Yeah, I was naked. He had costumes. He had a bunch of great costumes.

This is wild. Y'all are blowing up my mind right now.

Yeah, this is— I was a motherfucker dancer, so I had outfits and shit. He was really good, man. One of the best in the business.

This is amazing. Wow.

Ask him why. Ask him about his name.

Huh?

Ask him about his name.

What was your name?

Moet. Money over everything.

Oh!

I didn't know that.

I didn't know that. Money over—

see? I thought it was about the drink. I was like, I thought it was champagne.

Goddamn.

Money over everything. I used to do something real strange for a little piece of change. Come on now. Come on now.

This is crazy.

In real life.

I thought you were in actual sales, but you were actually stripping. I see.

Yes, stripping. Yeah, we were distributing dick. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it.

I'm gonna send us some pictures.

Don't worry about it. Yeah, there we go.

I need to see that. Yes. All right, well, thank you so much. I appreciate you for picking up the phone.

Hey, I love you, Jason.

Love you. Bye. This is crazy.

What? Thought I was bullshitting.

I thought you were capping so hard.

Hey, you know what? You know what's crazy? That you just— I'm glad you just said that because people only believe white people.

I'm sorry, Russian people.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Thank you. The people, every time I tell that, people swear it's some bullshit. Swear it's some bullshit.

Why is it Honey Buns though? Because it's Honey Buns.

With a Z, right? The Z make it masculine.

Why is it Jason Colina?

No, I'm sorry, probation officer. I'm not supposed to be here. I was the nigga that, uh, they ain't caught yet on the Pooh Shaxty shit.

Oh, okay, Honey Bunz with a Z. Why? What's the inspiration behind that?

Oh, so when I was, uh, 14 years old, man, I was on, uh, um, the chat line. Used to be some shit called a chat line in Atlanta and whatnot. So that's how we used to meet girls. We used to go, uh, me and, me and, um, my homeboys used to got like— they get on the, uh, the 86 LaToya headed to the underground and shit, and we would meet women up there to get some pussy and stuff. So, um, I was looking for a, I was on there one night and it was this dude in the room, this gay dude. And he said, he just busted one of the rooms and he was just like, "Hey, my name Honey Bun, I hope your mama die bye." And I just bust out laughing. And he did that shit like 3 more times in 3 rooms. And I was like, "Okay, if I ever decide to be a comedian, that's what my name gonna be." 'Cause it was funny like that. And at the time, this was when Cedric the Entertainer had this joke about this dude named Delicious. I ain't gonna call no grown-ass man Delicious, but Of course I ain't gonna name myself Delicious, you know what I'm saying? Because he went with his joke already and I ain't wanna bite off his joke, but I bit off his joke, but just with another like pseudo gay name.

So, and then why?

'Cause I know it was something that you would remember and I knew it was something that it didn't look like me, you know what I'm saying? So you'd be like, what the fuck? You know what I'm saying? So like, it's been times at Uptown Comedy Corner, I'm talking about, '90s, 559, Bruce Bruce, Shawty Shawty, all that shit, Whitney Houston. It was a who's who in the crowd and whatnot. And they would call up Honey Buns and they was thinking a girl coming to the stage. But then they would see a cock diesel nigga with a glass eye and shit. And they were like, "Man, get your pussy ass off stage." They used to say this word, this other word, people don't say like that no more. But yeah, they used to, man, wanna kill me. They used to want to murder me.

So what was this whole thing? 'Cause like it was a big buzz and then T.I. had to do something with all of it?

Oh yeah, about 10, 'cause this was in about '98, '99.

'98, '99?

Yeah, when I first named myself that, when I first started doing comedy and going by it. Now in 2009, that's when T.I. helped me change my name. Why? Because he never liked calling me Honey Buns. He was one of the guys that was in the crowd calling me Elfs and Jeezy, all, they was calling me very bad slurs.

Really?

Yeah, they were cussing me out.

But they liked you.

They liked me. But they was like, just, you had a different name or what is it? No, no, I didn't have a different name. They just were uncomfortable with that. And then when you on stage, like you, you, you, you. When you in the crowd and you know everybody, like your friend and stuff going back and forth. But when you get on that stage, it's every man for themselves. And like, "Man, fuck you all." It don't matter. If you puss ass, you could get it.

Did you strip on the stage when you were doing comedy?

Did you like incorporate that? Yes, I definitely stripped. 100%.

The Magic Mike move?

100%. I used to tear my pants off like I was going to go play basketball and whatnot and do the little stripper joke that I had and whatnot and all. Yeah, I had on some chaps with my ass out and like the elephant trunk in the front. Yeah, it went crazy. And I used to dance there. Round and round we go, round and round we go. Everybody fell on the ground. I would hit a Chinese split on their ass like Van Damme on 'em. You know what I'm saying? When your legs go out this way, not this way, not James Brown, this way.

That's a hard split to do.

Oh yeah, it's like your ass breaking in half. Mm-hmm. You know what I'm saying? So yeah, and I would do that with my ass towards the audience. I was showing the buns, man. I was showing them. Hey, I was ridiculous, bro.

You need to see the pictures.

Oh, oh, I know somebody got the footage of that bullshit. Hey, hey, hey, listen, if my vision wasn't as shot as it was, I would still be doing that joke right now.

That shit used to go so hard when I ripped her pants We need to bring it back. Can we?

Hey, hey, listen, I'm gonna record it. You know what? You know what? You know what's crazy? I'm thinking I'm gonna figure out how to bring that shit back, but the problem is— what? Trying to find my pants as a blind nigga on stage.

That's why you have your, your bro, bro-mosexual.

Yeah, let's see what I see with Ferg doing.

We'll have Ferg, bring your—

what is it? Yeah, Ferg, Ferg, you— yeah, I got to get Ferg to open up for me, but not like that. Open up for you? Not like— yeah, I apologize, Ferg. You know, you know what I'm talking about, right? I'm talking about on the show, the trunk.

Yeah, yeah, on the show, the elephant one. You still have it? What color was that?

Oh, I had a zebra one. I had a zebra, uh, a zebra, uh, elephant trunk. Then I had a regular elephant trunk, um, where I had some gray chaps on. Then I had a red one, um, and, uh, I had with some tassels going down to the side of some fringes going down the side and whatnot. Yeah, it was on point. I was— it was on point. It's crazy that— yeah, hey man, you know what's crazy?

You know what's crazy? You asked me what I want for Christmas. Now I want to see the zebra trunk. Like, I just— this is all I want.

Okay, I tell you what I want.

No, I don't want to hear it.

You want—

I just want to see you one time on stage. I also would call Jason and be like, Jason, please, reunion one time. We need to see the Zero Trump and Mr. Two Weeks Out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey man, hey man, yo, we was rock stars, man.

I mean, y'all still are.

We was rock stars.

26 years later, still doing it.

Hey, who knew? Who knew?

How did I come across both of y'all? And you guys were— Atlanta is so interesting.

It's a very interesting place. You know another dude that used to dance with us? Who?

Please. Oh my God. Please don't.

Did you probably— nah, but he— who? He first started off DJing for Future. DJ X-Rated and, uh, Magic City.

No, I don't know.

Y'all know DJ X-Rated? Oh no, no, no, he was, he was before Esco. DJ X-Rated, he DJ at, um, um, Magic City now, and he on Drake Radio too.

Oh, that's why he's X-Rated, because he was, uh, doing nasty things before. Oh, so was it like women or men who was coming to see?

Hey man, don't do that. Don't do that.

I just—

I'll slap you. I will slap the shit out you right now. Oh, all right. No, no, no, seriously.

I don't know. She trying me. I will—

She trying your dog, man.

You will not be able to find my face.

I'm too high up. Hey, y'all shouldn't be able to go to jail for this. You know, is it— would it be domestic violence if we was in actually, uh, got into a Not if you don't touch my face. If I don't find you.

Try to slap me, but if you don't touch my face, you can't do shit about it.

You know nobody ain't gonna believe you when the police get here.

Nobody ever believes me, so you know, it is what it is.

Yeah, yeah, you get into it with a blind dude. Like, I got permission to kill motherfuckers, all kind of shit. I didn't even know that was part of my benefit package. You asked me something just, yeah, it was women, but it was some dudes came in there. Yeah, it was good.

You can't deny that. That's just ultimately what's gonna happen.

Yeah, it was some dudes in there. I actually quit because a dude had tipped me one night.

I also have another story that I heard. So my, uh, my actual best friend, the one that, you know, I'm allowed to call best friend, we have this established. Slightly below average, man.

Before you go, hey, uh, do y'all got any more libations? Can you hit me one more time? Britney Spears. Open up. He opening up for like on the comedy show, but yeah, go for it.

Yeah, my best friend.

Yeah, I feel like I put my shirt on backwards. Do it look like it's backwards?

No, no.

Okay, cool. I'm gonna keep my chin down. You can't see the tag from here, right?

All right, wait, can we see the tags? All right, the chin is down. It's comfortable.

Do I look comfortable? Yes.

Okay, like as if your head is resting. Okay, on your chest.

Got you. I didn't— fuck, because you need to get this shit just too up on my goddamn neck. Like, what the fuck is my shit on backwards?

But you know, nobody can tell you nothing because it's like you can say like, shut the fuck up, I'm blind.

Yeah, bitch, bitch, I'm blind. Exactly. Yep. Thank you so much. That's my opener.

Yeah, we love Fergie. So my best friend, the reason why I call him slightly below average is because he told me he's like, I'm average height. I said, no, you're not. And ChatGPT confirmed 5'8" is slightly below average.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Carlos Miller. He told me a story.

Okay.

And he said, you need to ask him about this.

Oh, here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Not that one.

He said one time. I was so desperate to get to a show that I let Jack drive me to the show.

Oh, that one. Okay, I thought she was talking about this other one.

Wait, well, I wanna know about that one.

Yeah, I'm totally cool with this one. What was the other one?

What the fuck was the other one?

Hey, so he needs a ride to the show. It's in, I forget what part of Alabama this is.

He said I was so desperate that I let Jack drive me, and the car was not like a drivable car.

What the man? I had a Buick Regal, man. That shit with a supercharge on that shit. Supercharge didn't work, but yeah, I had the supercharger on that bitch.

Allegedly the door didn't work either, but tell me the story because it was one of the windows with tinted.

When I had one tinted window on there because of one eye, or what? I don't know why, I just hadn't gotten around paying for the other windows to get tinted yet. Okay, um, but you know, this particular car, for real talk, used to get broken in all the time. Okay, because like Dope Boys wanted it and all that shit. It was a fly-ass fucking car. Okay, uh, Lil Duvall gave me this car. Nice. Yes, nobody gives me shit.

See, you see how lucky you are? He got me my i. Oh, see how blessed you are?

Yes, I had to wipe his ass for it, but hey, that's another story. But anyway, um, so yeah, I had took him, um, to the show in some college. I forget where it was. But I was at the time, the popular beer was 211, and I was driving this drunk.

Why?

Because I drank and drive. Hey man, when I tell you the whole left side of my car was up.

It was.

Yeah, it was. It was up, man. Ain't on your front because I could This is where I'm blind. This is my blind side over here. But I ain't never hit nobody, but I hit some shit.

Of course.

On this side.

Yes. I mean, we wouldn't know, 'cause you know, apparently you can get away with murder, so.

Yeah, right? Yeah, now I can. Yeah, now I can. Back then I couldn't do it.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah.

So what happened? 'Cause he said it was a story.

Yeah, so, yeah, I was swerving. Swerving and shit into people and everything, and they would move over. So we didn't get in no accidents, but he was scared than a motherfucker all the way there. It was about like a 2— I think we was going to Auburn or some shit. And on the way back, it was dark. And so he opted to drive on the way back because he was scared I was gonna kill him. 'Cause I had went— when he saw that I had then went through 5 beers out of a 6-pack. And my nigga didn't have no license. He didn't have no license. But I was goddamn, uh, I was so fucking tilted. I'm like, man, you know what, it'll be better if we get pulled over with him without no license than me goddamn get a DUI. DUI, no license. DUI. No license.

Wait, how long ago was that?

Shit, this might have been goddamn '03, '04, something like that.

Why he didn't have a license?

Uh, I, I think, I think he had— he was on probation or something. Uh, I think he had lost his license to child support or some shit like that.

Damn.

I think, yeah, he was a trapper or something like that. He was doing, he was doing a lot of legal stuff at the time, man. That nigga was pimping hoes all kind of stuff like that, you know, racketeering.

Don't do my best friend like that. That's not what was going on.

Yeah, he was into some real Rico shit.

Okay, we don't want the, you know, we don't want the feds to watch this.

This was back in the day. He straight now. He was on Rico before Rico.

Okay, that's like, what is it that the statute of limitations, 5 years?

This was 20-something.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Don't make shit up.

Do I look like the type of nigga make some shit up?

I, yeah, you do.

Look, dude, come on, does it look like the face?

Yeah, you do, you might.

Come on, do my face look made up?

A little bit. You got diamonds in your eyes.

You can't imagine these are diamonds organically getting in mine.

How— who came up with an idea to give you diamonds in your eyes?

It's crazy that you asked me that. Um, when I first, uh, the, the, the, the lady that even made my eyes, she told me this but I didn't know it. She said that I'm the first person, um, that had a diamond, that had a diamond, um a diamond fun eye that's recorded like that. But I don't— I, I seen somebody, I seen, uh, what's my man name, Mr. Big. His name is Mr. Big. He just recently died a few years ago. He had it, he had a diamond, um, pupil, like the, the, like it was like a, like a glass eye, but the pupil was a diamond, uh, like a, like a stone. A little small stone, and this was in there. Ever since I can remember, I've been popping my collar. That's the dude that— that's, you know, the song Three 6 Mafia.

I heard of it before.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he, he— that's the dude that sing that part of— he, uh, had that and everything. When I seen that, I was like, oh, I want mine to be frosted all the way out, you know. One day, um, I got to figure out how to make that happen. And so I remember going to go get my glass eye, uh, regular glass eye made, and that looks like a regular eye. And then I asked the guy, who's an older gentleman, could he make me like a customized glass eye? And he said he not supposed to do it, but he'll do it if he can make me a regular eye too. That's the way we gotta make a caveat so he could be doing his job at the same time. And he made me a black eye with a star in it. And so, you know, years later when I, um, uh, as things progressed, I had knew one day I wanted to get me a diamond glass eye. And it ended up happening, uh, about 2 years ago. It was about 20 years in the making. If this shit would have happened when I needed it to happen, back when I was on Wild 'N Out, man, uh, you would have been a star.

Yo, you are a star though. What would, what would happen?

Probably the same shit. Y'all know, they probably want the same shit.

But is it like the thing you can like take it out and put it back in, or no?

I had it out when you called me.

Really?

Yeah, when you said you was on your way, I had to go put them— put my eye in, put my shirt on backwards and put my hand.

Oh, so it's like, it's like a thing when you get— when you have to leave the house, you have to put the eye in?

Uh, it just feel better. You, you know how you, you, you go home and you pull your titties out and then you just sit on the couch and you just relax?

Yeah, I love it.

You like that, right? That's how it is with my eye. Let my eye breathe to take my— let that air hit the inside of my brain and call it a day.

Wait, I want to know what's the other story with Carlos. Now I'm, now I'm curious. You got to tell us.

Uh, so tell us.

Yeah, give us exclusive here.

So this is the classic story.

Uh-huh. What's funny?

Um, I, I, when I had then stole some money at a video shoot, uh, it was Young Jeezy. I was trying to sell Young Jeezy some watches back in '06 at this, um, uh, watches that, that they like, video watches. And they, I had his videos on it, so I thought he would buy all of them from me. So I let him hold the watches, and then, um, he didn't give me the money. And I'm waiting on him to give me the money, and I all of a sudden I realized I'm like Oh, this nigga finna drug dealer me. Oh, he just pumped— I think Young Jeezy just pumped me out my watches. And so, but I can't do nothing 'cause it wasn't nothing but killers in there. BMF motherfuckers and all kind of just wild— this, yeah, this was like BMF days. And it was nothing but thugged out motherfuckers. The whole corporate, uh, Corporate Thuggin' Niggas was in there.

Um, what's Corporate Thuggin'?

That's what his name— his— the name of his label was, was CTE. Oh, and the name of the song that we was at, uh, the same name of the song the video was, was Throw the Money. And, uh, we was at Onyx, the strip club, famous strip club off Chester Bridge Road. That's how long it's been out. This, this is '06.

They remodeled it.

Yeah, so yeah, so I'm pretty sure it don't look like that now.

No. For sure.

But anyway, um, I, uh, uh, uh, it was time for the comedians to get in the shot. So it was me, uh, Set It Off, uh, Chris Set It Off Jones, and Food Stamp. Food Stamp go by Fredo Davis now, which is his real name. And, uh, they told us to go up to the side of the stage and gave us a whole bunch of money to throw at the women and whatnot. And then I'm pissed off. I'm, I'm mad as hell. They give me the money, and but I thought it was fake money. And but then as I'm pissed off and shit, and I'm high as hell too, I didn't took a couple bumps of cocaine because they passing around complimentary cocaine.

Complimentary cocaine?

Yeah, they passing out. So I'm like, I might as well get high.

But that's '06, guys.

Okay, this is '06. Yeah, um, they passing around complimentary cocaine and I hadn't put as much complimentary cocaine in my pocket as I was— I needed to get my rent together. And, uh, so, uh, complimentary cocaine. I'm over here just fiddling around with this, this money that I think is fake, and then all of a sudden, I think, I think either Food Stamp or, uh, Chris said, hey bro, this money real. And it was $100 bills. I— these motherfuckers hadn't gave me $15,000 or some shit, like $15,000 or $20,000. In $100 bills. Why they do that? Why I got my money now? All I needed was $600, but it was $15,000 in my hand.

What did you do, Jack? What did you do?

I had on some pants that had a scrunchie on the bottom of it and shit, right? You know, you know them pants that scrunch up at the bottom and shit? Yeah, I had the scrunchie on the bottom of my pants and stuff. And then when they would yell play, I would be stuffing my money with the, with the, uh, with the, uh, the stuff in my my pants with the money.

Mhm.

And, uh, it was filling up, it was filling up. Everybody laughing on the set, they think I'm playing, but I'm not leaving here without this money. And so I do that shit about 3 more times, and it is not funny anymore to anybody that's inside of the building and what— because they waiting on me to throw the money. Everybody else done threw their money. I still got money in my hand. I'm And all of a sudden, Food Stamp, he says to me, he said, "Honey Bun, they see you taking the money, they gonna kill you." I looked back at Food Stamp, I said, "They gonna have to, 'cause I'm not leaving here without this money." And so I took another bump of that cocaine, They said, they yell, "Play! Action!" And I threw about a couple dollars on the women and shit. Then I started making my way to the dough. This motherfucking dough looked like it was about 2 miles away. I'm walking through fucking murderers with lions, tigers, and bears. They looking at me crazy 'cause they don't know if I'm playing or not. But they know I got all this money in my pants. I finally get to the door. I'm sweating like a stripper in church. And then all of a sudden, Jeezy's bodyguard get in front of the door and he stops me. He look like the last motherfucker you gotta kill on Street Fighter or Mortal Kombat or some shit. And he said, "Hey, motherfucker! Why the hell you over here taking my nigga Jeezy money? Nigga, take that motherfucking money out your goddamn pocket right now." Why are you stealing these niggas' money, man? I done watched you steal these motherfuckers' money for goddamn the whole 2 hours. You done goddamn took these motherfuckers' money. And I said, I'm behind on my ties and my rent, and I needed this. I really need this money and whatnot. He said, where them watches at? I said, I gave them to Jeezy. He didn't give them back. And he said, I said, I need this money. This money for the watches. He said, "Motherfucker, you got more than goddamn whatever that shit was, them punk-ass watches and shit." I said, "Hey man, we even then." And then all of a sudden this motherfucker just slapped the shit outta me by like 18 times in about 2 seconds. I didn't even know he slapped me until I looked around and saw everybody going like this. So that shit scared me 'cause I knew I couldn't take him 'cause he was too faster than me. So I reached back from the pits of hell and I punched this nigga in his chest. And he fell straight on down because I'm still in shape. I'm still Honey Bun. I'm still Cock Diesel. And nigga, I pulled a kick door on that nigga, ran through some strippers knocking bitches down, got out that door, ran out of that motherfucker and shit. My leg bleeding 'cause I done kicked the glass through the fucking glass door and shit. And money coming out my pants and stuff. I'm running down Treasure Bridge Road and shit, but nobody's chasing me. But I think everybody gonna come out in a minute. But they don't, because they don't know I didn't stole all these hoes' money. They don't know I stole all the G's of the money. And I jump— I, um, going from the Holiday Inn, I run all the way down to Holiday Inn and jump into the goddamn bushes. It looked easy as hell on cartoons, but jumping in bushes in real life, nigga, I scratched my whole ass up and I pulled my flip phone out. I scratched my honey buns up. I pulled my flip phone out and I called Carlos. I said, Carlos, come get me. Jeezy trying to kill me. He was on his way to the video shoots. Him and Clayton pull up inside a goddamn 18 van, like a kidnapping van. I jumped in that motherfucker and I laid down and goddamn, them motherfuckers drove me home. Carlos saved my life. Drove down, I get in the house and then counted up $6,500 goddamn dollars. Damn. 'Cause I wasn't leaving there without that money.

Did Jeezy ever call you and ask for the money back?

No, actually, food stamping set it off. 'Cause the money was for the hoes. And if the hoes didn't get the money, it is what it is. And they got the shots that they needed for the video. Yeah. So, but the next week I was scheduled to be on a video set as assistant director on My President Is Black. Okay, that's Jeezy video. Okay, I show up at the video shoot because I'm coming. Yes, yo, I'm the craziest nigga you ever met, coked out. They gonna have to handle me, but I, I, I need the money.

I need it.

I'm not gonna miss this goddamn, um, $2,500. I need that shit! I showed up, Jeezy seen me, bust out laughing. Everybody was laughing like ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Yeah, it's funny, yeah, yeah! I'm laughin' with 'em and shit. And like okay, I guess they not gonna kill me. And we end up shootin' the video. I jump in the video. I'm a soldier and they're saving a soldier—

Uh-huh.

—and then my President Is Black video. Then we shot another video the following week of Who Dat Shawty read on the track. It's off the Recession album and whatnot. I'm in that video too at the end, and I think I got on this hat too, getting up at the end. It's just so you know it's me and whatnot. You see my stuff. Yeah. And, uh, yeah, that's the story. Yeah, Carlos had them pulled over, saved your dog life. I hope that paid off.

I— that's exactly the story that I heard too. Oh, you did? I just didn't know the details like that, cuz the way he told me, it was not— he just said I just saved his life one time because he's stole some money. Yes, that was the conversation. Yes, yes. No, you guys had it like that.

Yes, yes, we go back. You go way back. We go way back, man. Best good friends.

Best good friends. No, don't go—

that's my best friend. I put a good in there. I put a good in there.

Yeah, don't, don't— that's my best friend. Don't, don't take my best friend.

You got it, you got it.

I don't like when people take my friends.

No, no, I ain't gonna do that shit. Yeah. I, I am. I know you, you a Russian girl, man. Ain't nobody got time to be goddamn going to jail over your shit. I don't want no smoke. You are crazy. Oh, deranged. You have no idea. Wow. Being, being blind saved my life. It ain't no telling about how much shit I done missed out on that I didn't do that I would have did. That's what I think about. I think about it all the time, like, this got to be a blessing. It's got to be a blessing because it's no telling what I would have did or who would have probably blow my brains out if I would have had the balls to go do the ballsy shit that I would have did.

But would you do that shit if you were not blind though? I don't think so.

Exactly. But this is what I tell myself to be able to sleep at night about it. And so you asked me, you told me, you asked me the other day, oh no, you asked me today. Sorry, I forgot. Yeah, you asked me like, yo, it would really freak me out if I had found out I was blind and shit. What doesn't freak me out, like I told you, I'm, um, I've had a really great time. And then on top of that, I can still see too.

You just like the thrill. That's why you jack Thriller. You like the thrill.

Yeah, yeah, I like the thrill. Yeah, remember, love is blonde and blind.

Love is blonde and blind. That's the name of this episode.

Yes.

Jack Thriller, Love is Blonde and Blind.

Yeah, I love that. I love you.

Wait, hold up. Nobody has ever said that so quick.

Nobody has ever said it so slow.

Anyways, anyways, you guys, like, share, comment, subscribe. Let us know what you think and drop in the comments who else you want us, uh, to bring on, and we would gladly deliver. Thank you. We'll see you in the next one. Bye!