Why Being Male-Centered Is Ruining Women | Mandii B (Part 2)

I want a slut. I want a man who is— as long as he's clean, I want a man that has had all the experience. I want a man that just knows how to put his finger in there and it squirts. I want a man that done been with all the women, that knows how to deal with all the bodies, that knows how to please. I want a slut. The truth of the matter is, a real man also wants that out of his woman. They just can't admit to it. They want a man that knows how to do all the things and make them feel all these special ways. How the fuck do you think a woman is gonna know how to do that. She needs a little bit of practice. That's what Drake said. I can tell them, you know what I mean?

But it's true though, we gotta practice, we gotta practice. And the thing is, the same, same reality goes towards dating. You gotta practice dating because you gotta practice dating, even though I don't.

I hate dating.

Listen, like I always say, block out the noise, focus on what's real, stay with what matters. This is where grind meets growth. This is where stories break silence and build legacy. This is Talk Less. Talk less, do more. What we're going to do is Mandy is going to sign the book. Yes, we're actually going to give away this book to one of the listeners, to one of the listeners, because I promise you, you do not want to miss this book.

You don't want it, bitch. Go buy it. It's fucking like $23 on Amazon. You got $23. Give it to— and it's something that you could pass along to your cousins, your nieces, your daughters, all the things.

It's, it's an amazing book. I highly recommend. And again, I read it in one day, so absolutely.

But I hate meeting new people.

I, I used to, I used to think that was such a cool idea to go to a nice fancy restaurant, dress up, getting picked up by a black truck. Now I'm like, I just did that recently with this one guy that we, we broke things off and I literally, I'm sitting there, I was like, I was like, the way you fucking treated me was horrible. And it still is horrible.

And the fact, what do you mean how he treated you? Like, it's just the full girl spill the tea. How did he treat you?

He, you know, he was a former NBA player.

Okay.

And he, you know, he, He thinks that he's above the fucking everything.

So how did he treat you that made you feel—

So my tire blows out, and this is the story. My tire blows out. This man is sending me flowers, you know, saying that I'm gonna come to Atlanta, I'm gonna take you out on a date. Like, I actually wanna consider you— like, he really— we really were going towards a relationship. Like, I'm not gonna lie.

Okay.

So my tire blows out, and this man does not check in on me. So I'm like, you know, it is what it is. Fine. I post on Instagram. I post a story of my tire, like, tire saying zero. There's no response, nothing. And I'm kind of like baiting at this point because now I'm just like, I want to know if you're gonna—

if he cares.

Yeah, if he cares, because now I want to know, are you gonna show up for me? The thing is, the reality is, yes, I can buy my own tire. It's not the problem. I can fix my own tire. I can take my car everywhere. I know what the fuck to do. But it's just the matter of fact. So then I don't hear from him nothing. The next day I post a story. I said, y'all just want to see me naked and sexy. Nobody gives a shit about things when they go south with me, my tire or my safety, period, point blank. You know what he does? He watches story. He goes back to the first story with the Thai and says, hope you're okay. And I go, no, I'm not okay. I'm not okay. And I just— I remember I said something. I was like, I'm not okay. And the matter of fact that you actually went back and responded to that story when I've already seen you watch the story because you have a blue check and you're one of the first ones on the top. I know you already know. And mind you, this man stops calling, stops texting because now I called him out. So then he comes to— and then, um, 3 weeks later I hear from him. He comes— he's coming to Atlanta. He's coming to Atlanta. I know for a fact he's coming to Atlanta cuz I had his schedule. So I knew that he was coming.

Okay.

And he comes to Atlanta and he goes, hey, like, I hope everything is okay. Um, I booked a reservation at this and this restaurant at this day and time, you know, can't wait to see you. And I, and I'm just like, oh. So now in my mind I'm like, well, we're gonna play the game cuz what the fuck is this? Like for 3 weeks I don't hear from you. We go out to dinner cuz I was like, you know what?

Oh, see, you just answered my question. Now, bitch, answer me this. You would have liked him to actually show some sort of consideration or care for your blown-out tire.

Yeah.

When you called him out, he didn't speak to you for 3 weeks.

Mm-hmm.

What the fuck made you go to that dinner?

So I wasn't going to go.

You weren't going to, but you did. So what made you go? Were you that hungry? So this is the crazy thing. Let's get into this.

I go to dinner, right? And mind you, I'm sitting at dinner, and the first thing I say, I was like, seriously, this is what we're going to do? I don't even give him a hug. I just sit down. I was like, seriously? Because at this point now I'm like, I just want to make it a fucking point that I'm gonna tell you everything to my face because I have a problem of saying things. Like, if I like you enough, I can't— I have a hard time, especially to men, expressing how I feel. So I'm really working on this. It's like, it's like a, like, practice kind of thing that I need to do. And I've been working on that with my therapist too because just I have a hard time. I just usually keep it in. So I sit across from him and I go, I don't understand, how fucking hard is it for you to check in on me and make sure that I'm okay? Because the first thing you can do as a man, especially who's trying to be my boyfriend, is to make sure I'm safe. Right, because I said, you know what, what if I fucking got into a car accident and my tire actually blew out and it was such a big thing? And he's sitting there, he's like, well, I'm stubborn, I understand. And I was like, stubborn? I was like, what the fuck made you so stubborn? Because it doesn't make any sense. He goes, what made me really upset with you is that you didn't come to— and I go, oh fuck, we're gonna blur that out. He was like, you didn't come— and I go, how the fuck would I come when I don't speak to you for 3 weeks? He goes like, well, phone works both ways. And this is where I was like, oh, so not only my tire blows out, so now I have to make sure everything is fixed. Now I have to make sure that I call you, check in on you, and also fly myself to DC. Apparently he's like, no, I would have flown you out. Like, obviously everything is going to be taken care of. And I'm like, it's not even the point of you taking care of all those things. The point is that when things go rough, I want a man to step in into those because I, I have to carry a lot of things on my plate. And I don't know, this was like November, early November.

Did you order food? Oh, I ordered food.

Oh, I ordered food.

How long did you stay at that dinner?

I stayed for like maybe an hour.

And then have you spoken to him since?

No, no, we haven't spoken after that. Since dinner? Yeah, just because I didn't like at that point. Well, no. So we texted. We didn't. Yeah, we texted. So no, no, no, no, no.

So, okay. I actually do. That's why I was like, I have to, I have to remember. It's okay. But this is what I'm saying. You hear everything you're saying.

Yeah.

Girl, the next time that nigga in Atlanta, he gonna hit you again.

Of course he's gonna hit me again. He's coming. But you're allowing it.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I think that you're hoping that as long as he sits across from you and one day maybe he smartens up and gives you exactly what you want to hear.

Yeah, not anymore. Obviously now I understand.

Not anymore, girl. You sat at the dinner for an hour after he ghosted you for 3 weeks after you expressed that nigga, you didn't even care for me, that my tire blew. And that's the thing too, right? Like in these phases of dating, because I would still consider you dating this man, the fact that you're agreeing that the next time he comes to Atlanta, he's probably still going to have the access to even invite you. Now, whether you go or not, I'm telling you, you going. But I could also just—

I'm not going to go. No.

Okay. But he's not blocked.

He's not blocked.

You also know that when he comes here, he's probably still going to hit you up, which means that however you made it seem like you need him to show up, he also knows that he still has an in with you.

Exactly. So, and that's the problem with me.

Like, that's the problem with a lot of women.

But that's why we're sharing this.

That's why. And I know I hate when I motherfucking quote this man. Because he's a terrorist. But R. Kelly said, when a woman's fed up, that's it. A man will stay in your good— a man will— a man's only way to stay in a woman's life is for her to keep him.

And the problem with it too is, you know what it is for me? And I know this, this is the most fucked thing about me, is that he has this NBA attached to him. And it's like, again, here— exactly, exactly. But this is, this is, again, I'm doing therapy. I'm just telling you how it is because I already—

because he was once in the NBA.

He was once in the NBA. And then, and And I sit there and I thought about it. I was like, it does not make him a better person because he was in the fucking NBA. This man, mind you, he's almost 40. He's never been married. He doesn't— that's what my mom said. My mom said, my mom said, did he put a debit card or credit card? I was like, credit card. She's like, yeah, no, that's funny.

But I mean, but because I pay everything with my credit cards because the bitch want miles, right? So, but, but then like, I want my points.

Another NBA player I went on a date with, he paid with a debit card and she's like, yeah, that one. But that's just my mom.

Oh my God, that's hilarious.

Because she's like, if he's—

But even now, I think that's what I was just saying early on, right? Like a lot of women date for potential.

Right.

And the idea, you've already created this idea that in your mind you see yourself being with a professional athlete maybe. And that's why that NBA title matters, right? For what? Like, I think a lot of us have to get out of the idea of creating, adding these men into the visions that we have for ourselves. He's already shown who he is. He's not one— first off, the fact that he immediately turned himself into the victim and said phone works both ways, like, it's giving narcissist, girl. Look that up. That's an N-word you can say, okay? Giving fucking narcissist. And that might be someone that you might want to actually steer clear from. But again, this idea that, you know, you're only even giving him this much leeway because of a title he held in a league that he's no longer a part of is crazy.

He's still a part of it, but like in a different league.

I mean, even if he is still a part of it.

It don't matter. It don't matter. It don't matter. It don't matter.

You know, kind of overshadow what my relationships could be like with men. And I didn't let that control me. I think it took me getting into therapy, of course. But again, even my dad led with money. Child support was the best thing in the world that he could fucking give his little $427 a month. You know what I mean? Like, oh, mama ballin' on that. And then when I became an adult, he also made it seem like me and my sisters owed him for paying child support.

Oh, wow.

So, and then as I've gotten older, I don't get calls unless he needs something. And so for me, I think in my 20s, yeah, I led that way. Men were ATM machines and my dad didn't say no, you know, but he did it in a ill-intent way to make my mom seem less. Of course.

Yeah.

And so just being an adult and being able to look at it from an adult standpoint made me kind of just not attach those behavioral— those behaviors of my dad to all men, because that's not the case.

Did they make you— did your therapist make you kind of like rewrite the story about the dad or you just had to accept it?

No, what's crazy is I ain't start talking about my childhood till this book. A lot of my therapy in the first 2 years was, was managing my partner's business, talking to people, internalizing things, not taking things personally, or figuring out a way to express my feelings. There was a lot of ways in which I didn't know how to do those core things because childhood, like my mom was a single mom, barely saw her cry. We didn't talk about our feelings. Didn't get hugs. There was just hard love growing up. And so for me, realizing I'm this sensitive person, I was dealing with ways in which to make myself feel powerful in expressing myself or coping like, or even just getting past work issues. Yeah, I'm having a struggle communicating what I need to to this person because I'm abrasive or my, my voice is deep and raspy, so it comes off harder than I want it to. So My first 2 years of therapy was really finding ways to navigate—

The life that you're living. The life. Mm-hmm.

Getting over, you know, things that made me feel low, working past burnouts.

Mm-hmm.

I was burning out. There was a pattern. Every year around the same time, I was burning out. Why? Why was I doing this? Where was I not taking care of my own health? Why wasn't I allowing myself breaks? And so my therapist was able to find patterns and get me to start communicating with people and, It's been, it's been great. So that was my first 2 years of therapy leaning into 3, also navigating my first relationship.

Mm-hmm.

Then we break up. It's leaning into my first heartbreak.

Oh yeah.

Spent almost a year figuring out what that was. And then also I have therapy sessions that led directly and coincided with certain chapters. And because I was wanting to include my childhood, we got to my childhood like 4 years later.

So was it— how was it for you to get into the childhood? Was it hard?

It was.

Did you remember a lot of things or no?

Yes and no. But like I said, I brought my mom into therapy with it. I think what was interesting too was like I compartmentalized myself as a person. I spoke about myself as a teenager, as a 20-year-old, and in my 30s I like tried to disconnect from the decisions that that person made, knowing that it's me, right? And so a lot of it was accepting that I don't become who I am today without those decisions or experiences. And so a lot of it was apolo— not apologizing, but more so just accepting that these were the circumstances you had. These are the decisions you made. You did the best with what you could and forgiving, not apologizing. I had to forgive my last and past experiences or decisions. And that's where I am now.

That's very interesting because I think when I started therapy, I came in also with a relationship problem because I think that's a lot of times we come in with that like, oh, relationship are not working like—

Well, no, girl, I came in because, bitch, we fucking had a co-host leave us and we were on the fucking Joe Budden Network.

Ooh.

And everybody— like, I felt like at a time where I had built all these friendships, I felt like No one cared about what I was going through, how I felt. I was navigating a mix between friendship, like friendships with work relationships. I was dealing with the internet calling me all these bad things. I wasn't in the healthiest relationship with my other partner at the time, and it was just pure chaos. So therapy for me came in really professionally first.

Yeah, well, it's a relationship in whatever way it is because it's always— it's some sort of ship that brings things from and to place, right?

Oh my God, I'm about to lose it.

Yeah, because, you know, when I went to therapy, I was also going through— well, I just, I remember I sat there and I was like, I don't understand, nothing is working. Like, nothing is fucking working. My friendships are not working, my relationships are not working, my workships are not working. Like, it's just not. And I was getting burnt out and I was getting more and more anxious and more and more sad. And then like, I started leaning into like drinking more, you know, being very promiscuous.

And the pandemic didn't help. I started therapy amidst the pandemic. So it was like, you have a lot more time with yourself. I was like, holy fuck, I can't go to the bar and drink. I can't go to the club. I can't just travel. I could travel. We was making fake, you know, COVID tests after a while. But for a while it was like, oh shit, I'm having to sit in my thoughts. And what I realize is I don't know how to do that.

Yeah.

And what I realize is I bury these feelings. With something else. And so, yeah, you're right. Like it. But the relationship with yourself should be the trigger to therapy.

Yeah.

Like, what the fuck is happening that I'm anxious, I'm promiscuous, I'm drinking more. Like, I think it takes you recognizing that first, though, which we both, I think, did.

Yeah, we did that. And then a lot of times it was me. I did a very different kind of therapy where it was a lot of like imagination involved because I really had to tap into that subconscious, right? Like, like she would, for example, say, she would say, close your eyes, imagine a bear. How does a bear look like? Because if you close your eyes, you can have a cartoon character, you can have—

your therapist white?

Um, she was Russian, so, but it was very—

but it's, but it's not— imagine a bear, bitch. Okay, but tell me how this one goes, how this one works.

But it's very interesting. So like everything that she would say would have some sort of significance or resonance with like, you know, if you talk about the bear, for example, it really stood out to me because it's a father figure. And so when you imagine a bear, so like where Where's the bear at? How does it look like? What is it doing? Is it wearing anything? Is it not wearing— like, it sounds like a crazy person, right? Because like a lot of times I would imagine things and it would be like cartoonish. And then she's like, it's because your conscious is not fully— like, it's just denying it. Like, it's not really magic. Like, it's not real. So there's just so many things that we started tapping into that I was like, oh my God, there's so much trauma. There's so much stuff that I've really put in the back end. And it really would relate towards, you know, my relationships, my work stuff. I didn't do social media for years and years, even though I've been so interested in it. I've been like, I've been watching and binging podcasts for years and years on end, and I was just so afraid to start doing it until I went to therapy and I said, you know what, fuck it. I don't care if one person is looking at me. I don't care. Because people were making fun of me. Like, right, how can you be in your 30s and how can you go on your story and say, I'm doing this and that? And I'm like, 'cause I can and I'm good at it and I can't— why wouldn't I do it? And so it didn't happen until the point where I was like, I can accept that. But it was a lot of like, it was a lot of things that I had to work through. And but it got— for me, what happened with therapy is I started doing so many things and I feel like I was doing that just for the sake of doing it so I can go deeper and deeper into therapy. So I started having so many different experiences. Every week something was happening 'cause every therapy would start, how's your day going? What happened? Okay. And then it got to the point where like shit started happening and happening.

That's what I was doing, shit for research purposes to bring back to my therapist, right?

So, and then I had to separate with her and I had to like take a step back from therapy because I felt like it was just taking me to the direction where I was leaning into therapy more than into myself. So I had to, because like I was very depressed, like I was going through, you know, I was suicidal during COVID It was, it was really bad, like it was really, really bad where I just had zero value in me. And once I, I felt like, at first I felt like I was drowning, then I was like, okay, I got I can breathe now. So I kind of like, now I'm swimming. And then when I got to the point where I was like, oh, now I'm on an island chilling. And that's where I was like, oh, let me just fuck this shit up now. And then I decided to move to Atlanta. I decided to just like completely start changing my life. And then how long have you been here? 3 years now. Okay. And so, because I moved from California here, and then I had to take a step back from therapy and I had to really like, it was the darkest time. It was, I had to just stop and then go and be like, make your own decisions now. Do it on your own now. Like, I'm back in therapy now, but now it's more with conscious things. Like, where now I'm not afraid to question me. Like, with even with dating, you know, like when I went on that date, like when I came back, I was like, you know what the fuck you're doing? You know exactly what it is.

Therapy tomorrow, girl.

Right? So I just had my last one of the year. I had one yesterday. And it's like, you know, I have to ask her questions like, okay, what's, you know, how do you set the boundaries? She also, she, she has to really tell me, take a break. You know, there is certain things that you can act, you can be like, there's certain techniques that you're learning. And so it's really different, especially when you're running all of this. You can, I can keep going until it's like, oh shit, it's midnight. Oh my God, I, do I have to sleep? Or like, what's the deal? So therapy was a very interesting, but also like I started connecting with my mom so much more.

I love that.

I don't have a relationship with my dad. I don't really, I kind of had to find good things that he did as a parent, which he was— he was there. He was just never present parent. Yeah. And just be okay with it. I never wanted to rewrite the story because I just wanted to be like, you know, it is what it is. But like, connected with my mom and my mom started going to therapy. And then that's when my mom was like, wow, it's so interesting that you had experience from your lens and I had experience from my lens.

Oh, that's— that's with everybody. Like, you're— if you talk to somebody about a night you went out, even do this with your friend, it doesn't have to be— but I experienced this with my romantic partners after our relationships ended, we spoke about certain instances or moments and it's night and day how people see it differently, right? But even with your friend, if you relive a night together where both of y'all had a blast, even the moments that you remember are going to be different. And it's, it's just how, how we are as humans.

And it's, I think it was very powerful because the other day we had this, like we had Sarah's bridal shower and we all, came together and we had this conversation with all the ladies that were in the room. And conversations were rough. Like, when I tell you it was rough, but it was—

Oh no, people don't seem happy in their relationships, Ayo.

No, no, no.

People seem like the trauma from parenthood to navigating their professional lives, especially with everyone getting laid off right now, to navigating adulthood, womanhood.

Yeah.

Those things are really difficult. And it's crazy 'cause you really don't know what someone's going through.

But then everybody shared their experiences and it was like the most empowering thing in the world. 'Cause you would—

I think it's empowering to know that you're not alone, which is why even in the book, like you reading it and saying like, you got it. That's where like, that's a part of empowering other women where maybe men are like, I'm ruining the Black community 'cause I'm talking about fucking a polyamorous relationship or having a threesome. It's like, no, there's empowerment in someone being able to live in their truth because a lot of us walk around with masks. Yeah, a lot of, a lot of us have to code-switch at our jobs. A lot of us are, you know, showing up and getting certain partners based on what the church said we had to do or based on what our parents want us to do. And it's empowering for people to be open with the things that aren't easy for them. Yeah, that aren't real, that they're navigating because all of us are really battling shit and trying to unlearn and find ourselves amidst all the chaos. Yeah. Goddamn, we got an orange Cheeto in the White House. The shit is complicated, you know what I mean? The shit is rough. Yeah.

And it's so interesting that, you know, you guys also wrote about— well, you— I think it was your chapter that you wrote about shame in and around transactional dynamics where women are so ashamed to talk about trying to cash out or like get, you know, money from people.

The fact that some bitches ain't even going on a date unless a man make a certain amount of money.

Yeah.

Girl, you one pinky toe in prostitution. Like, if you are not going on a date with a man unless he's able to pay XYZ element of P for you.

Yeah.

If you're immediately wondering what you can get out of it, or if he's gonna pay your nails, or if he's gonna— like, if you're even dating in that way, you're transactionally dating.

Yeah. And it's like, literally, honestly, it is a part of sex work. Yeah, yeah, it is.

Like, and I get there's a hierarchy of hodom, and you know, you got your street walkers, you got your OnlyFans girls, you got your strippers, you got your escorts, You got, you know, you got your IG models at this point. Like, you know, there's different layers and levels to it. But at the end of the day, for the regular degular girl who's also dating with intent to financially benefit from a man and not really get to know him, it's transactional dating, bro. Yeah, I think it's hoeing to prostitution. And the fact that they don't want to admit that, and it's like, the thing is, no one wants to admit to being something that gets publicly shamed, right?

Right, exactly. Because it's like now— but the thing is, sometimes you need it, shit.

No, no, women don't want to admit that they've had sex with someone they didn't fully like or that didn't fully like them and also got paid for it. Reality.

Yeah, I feel like everybody has done it at this point. Everybody has done it.

Everybody, you know, a lot of people, I mean, or they want to, they want to, they're, they're ashamed into not experiencing again because of the church or because of their family values or because they're in fear of what people are going to think of them, which is, I know you brought up like one of my chapters being that you felt like you were in Mexico with me, you know, having the threesome. That chapter is about if you were on an island or in a space where you had zero concern about what anyone would think about you, the decision you make, how would you, how would you navigate a situation? And in that moment, yes. Had I been there with a homegirl, probably would have never met that couple or left with them. Yeah, but, but I was in a place where I just wanted to, to live. And a lot of us unfortunately don't have that privilege to be able to just enjoy, enjoy life.

And the fact that you say there's something that really stuck out to me, it's funny because I have that note here, feeling alone with people. When you were saying how you were on the boat and you felt like you were alone with people, I felt like—

because none of them spoke English. But not only that, give me a cerveza.

You know, sometimes, sometimes you'd go out, right? Like, and especially Especially, I've noticed that in my early 20s or in my 20s, I would go out for the sake of seeking men, right? I'd go out and I would feel like I— there's nobody in there, although it's a full—

it's full of people. But even that, the idea of going out in hopes of meeting someone.

Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah.

Now I'll be like, you want sushi? I'll go out because I want a hand roll, right? I don't care who I meet, what conversations I have. Like, being able to just exist without the hope or prayer that a man is going to fall into my lap allows me to live life so fucking good.

And you know what's crazy? Every time you go out without any expectations, you always meet somebody. Always. And you have the most fun. But, but like, majority of time you will meet somebody. It might not be the man, but it might be like a fun group of people, and you have so much fun. And you just like—

because your goal is not to find a man, right? So you, you don't mind talking talking to this random ugly stranger that you would never suck his dick, or you don't mind talking to a white woman at a bar who, you know, is just tipsy but drinking by herself. You don't mind because you're just going out because you want to go out. You're not going out with the intent or goal to find the love of your life.

What is it, this idea of women wanting to find the love of their life and find the man?

Disney, Disney Channel made Ariel give away her voice, made Pocahontas betray her whole village. I mean, if you go into goddamn— and I talk The Disney princess fucking phenom is insane. Yeah, it made a fucking sleep— what is it, Sleeping Beauty fucking Seven Dwarfs decided to fucking— okay, I'll do all of the chores and live with 7 midgets. Like, make it make sense. It make it make sense. It was ridiculous. Like, Cinderella's sisters, like, was, was treating their sister like shit because they wanted to be with the prince. I recently, as an adult, watched Pride and Prejudice. Oh my God.

I have to rewatch it.

The male centeredness of— mind you, apparently it was written by a woman. I was disgusted watching that film. Like, yuck. I haven't seen it in so long. The male centeredness of— and that's the thing, though. All of this was pushed on to us because as a woman, you should desire being a mom and being someone's wife. You should desire a man choosing you. What type of life is that?

I—

not when I want to live. The idea of just waiting for a man to choose me and that, that validates me, that gives me my worth, that gets— get the fuck out of here.

It's a very nice addition to my life, but the fact that that's what you're thriving towards—

a lot of women thrive to that, right? And I don't fault them.

I know. And, and, you know, even I have conversations with my stepdad and he always says, well, let's say you're 31, you got to think about a husband, you got to think about, you know, I'm like, I gotta think about my bills being paid, my, my podcast thriving and me growing as a person and being happy within me. Like, absolutely not being—

because like, I'm chasing that, uh, nigga in the NBA that don't care about your family.

They would chase me. I don't care. Like, right, right.

I don't really—

yeah, and it's kind of funny because I always say like, oh, I ain't got nobody.

And then I'm like, oh my God, you got people, they're just not fulfilling, right?

No, they're not. And I'm like, I have so many options.

I could— we all got many options.

Everybody has a lot of options.

Everyone has a lot of options. Options. And even if you don't think you have options, what you have is all these dating apps, right? Instagram. You have access to people all the time. It's just, are they giving you and fulfilling you with what makes sense?

But for you to be fulfilled and to be given what you want, you need to know yourself. And again, how many people are actually doing that reflection to get to know themselves? Like, absolutely. You know, even when we talk about all these people who are high-earning people, they don't do that. They don't do those because it's scary. It's scary to like look at the mirror and be like, oh fuck, that's me. And to even say, hey, I like bitches, I like to fuck bitches. How many people do that?

They don't because a lot of my friends—

well, yeah, now, but I'm just talking about open, honest, and true. Well, and that's like, I remember when I got to this part of choosing to be single in your book, I was like, wow, it's such a powerful thing. And I think people shame that when you—

oh, they shame single bitches all the time. Like, if you— if when I read my comments from videos where men disagree with what I'm saying, Immediately they go to, she's going to be single forever.

No man is ever going to want her.

No one's going to wife her. Women do the same thing. So, yeah, there's shame in being a woman and choosing yourself and choosing singledom. And also single can be temporary. Single is not forever. Like, if I'm single in this moment, it's because maybe I enjoy my peace. Maybe I'm focused on something different. Maybe, you know, I'm not in the space to be a great partner. I mean, I don't consider myself currently single, which is crazy because again, the people in the comments are just loud and wrong. But yeah, I, in the years in which I did live single between my breakups and the months and stuff.

Yeah.

Like there was no shame in being single. I was fine. No.

And I think that's, that's so true. It's— I would much rather be single than be with somebody who I don't connect with.

Like my mom used to play this song like talking about you could do bad by yourself.

Mm-hmm.

You ain't got to have someone else to do bad with you, right? You're not going to lift me or make anything in my life better than what it is. And I'm not talking financially now, like, because that leads into the transactionalness of it. If you're a person that's going to be in my space, like my friends make me happy again, we should go to treating our romantic partners the way that we treat our friends. How do your friends fulfill you? Your partner should be doing the same.

Yeah, no, I agree. I think you should— I honestly think it's better to be friends first so you can actually get to know each other without having that, like, placement.

It is tricky, but because I did that with my ex, mm-hmm, and then we broke up and I thought we could just go back to being friends and he didn't think we could. And I felt a way. I said, sir, we were friends longer than we were in a relationship. Why can't we still be? And he needed time and I really felt offended by that. So I don't know about that.

I don't know.

I ain't like that. But maybe, sure, I guess.

Maybe.

Again, there's no blueprint to this shit. No. Steve Harvey thought he had it right. Don't listen to that man. Like, talk about act like a lady, think like a man, whatever, whatever he said. Act like a lady. Talk about waiting 90 days to fuck. Like, get the— there is no blueprint. There's no right way to do this. There's no wrong way to do this. And what works for one person may not work for the next. The men that I like may not be the men that you like, may not be the men that my next friend likes, but there's going to be someone for— bro, there's enough fucking people in the world. There's not one way to get this right. There's not one way to be happy. There's not one way to end up with the goal. Even if you have shared goals, there's not the blueprint. The blueprint does not exist.

No. And I think that's why people get it so wrong every single time, because we try to fit into one standard.

Be yourself.

It doesn't exist.

Find out yourself. Love yourself. Be yourself. You will attract the people that like you.

Okay, now this is, this is, this is why I was like, Mandy, I have a question. I really want to know this. You said you have a superpower for sensing who got big dick.

Oh yeah, radar.

What, what is that radar? How do you know? I don't know, girl.

God blessed me the same way he blessed me with 3-day periods, girl. I don't know what to tell you. I just don't be having the problem. Like size, I, I don't know. And this was something I joked about that I used to have when I was younger. I mean, now for me, sexual chemistry doesn't come with a size package. Again, I— there's some people who are very well endowed. I'm a size queen, so that doesn't do anything for me. But a lot of my friends love small peens. Like there's a lot of women women that, that like small penises. So I don't know why people be acting like women don't like— there's a lot of women that want a smallish medium. Yeah, I'm just not that girl.

So what is a big dick for you? Like, what is it like? Is it—

I mean, I don't be walking around with a goddamn measuring tape, but it— I want to feel it go in.

Okay, okay.

You know what I mean?

Is it more of energy or it's got to be like the actual size?

I mean, it's both. Like, for me, and that's the thing too, like, sexual chemistry is a big thing me. So I like to swap energies. I'm a switch. So I want a man who could also be submissive for me. If you're someone that's a complete dom, I'm not going to enjoy having sex with you. So sex goes beyond the size of a penis. It goes beyond physical. It goes into, are we even into the same things? Can we please each other? Like, you know, and so for me, those conversations are had. Like, I like rounds. If I talk to— if I say I like rounds and a man is like, I got one for you. Actually, you have none for me, sir, because I know I like rounds. If you're telling me you don't have energy after you nut one time, yeah, so we could be friends, right? But there is no reason for me to waste my time. So those types of conversations, again, me being able to express the things that I like, and if you don't like it Guess what? Great, thank you.

Thanks for— yeah, I don't need to waste the body.

What your booty hole play with, we ain't gotta play.

I mean, what is up with men and being so like, it's gay if you play with my butt?

I don't know, homophobia within the Black church. That's all I could give you. I mean, it is what it is. There's a long drawn history of how we became a homophobic community. Um, but yeah, like, you know, and apparently the booty hole is the way to a man's manhood. Who knows? I can't tell you. But what I can tell you is, again, you've been blessed. You don't want to do it? There's somebody else who will.

Okay, and that leads me to this next part, which I did not know that that's illegal when a man removes a condom during sex.

Stealthing. Yes.

Listen, girl.

Learned about that through the podcast, actually. Crazy. On "Moral Decisions," we go into a lot of things. It's now a criminal act, but yeah, like, when I went into writing this chapter about, you know, my sexual assaults, I started by saying I'm God's chosen. I didn't feel like I got sexually assaulted until I was 27 years old. Like, that's a badge of honor, right? And I chose to start it that way and go back because there was— again, I talk about it in the book, a sexual assault that I didn't realize or remember I had, but the stealthing one, was one that I, though I felt violated, I didn't know there was— there was— that was a thing. And that happened when I was— it happened twice, actually. One time when I was, I don't know, 18, 19, and another at 22. The 22— when I was 22, that's the time that I shared in the book. And yeah, I think that that's the thing where it's, it's hard to talk about victim blaming and all those things because even what we saw happen during the MeToo movement was women coming forward years later, right? And what I realized through having horrible decisions, decisions, decisions now for almost 10 years is how much we've learned over time.

Yeah. Where we didn't know.

There's a lot of women who may have experienced an assault and not even know because they didn't have the knowledge around what an assault was. Like, well, I agreed to have sex with this guy, so yeah, he removed the condom, but I agreed to have sex with him. Maybe I have I can't say anything because I agreed to have sex with him. Well, you agreed to have protected sex with him.

Mm-hmm.

You didn't agree for him to insert raw and cum in you or expose you to the diseases that are associated to unprotected sex. Right. And so, yeah, it was something we learned on the pod and it was something that, you know, I've had to work through and realize that was a violation. But yeah, I think that that's the lovely thing about my platform and why where some people feel like it's detrimental, I think it's really eye-opening for a lot of people to gain knowledge on things sexually, especially considering sex ed in the States sucks and parents don't feel the need to have the conversation with you. So you're learning it blindly.

Yeah, that's, that's— I did not know that that was like something that's illegal.

It is now criminalized in the state of California and in some European countries. Now it's not criminalized federally across all states. But yeah, they're working towards making stealthing an actual crime, a sex crime. It—

because it is. It is.

It is.

It is. Absolutely is. And, you know, because especially like when we talk about the disbalance, usually if we, you know, athletes or somebody who have a status, they think it's okay to do whatever the fuck they want to do.

Men do. Stop giving it to these motherfuckers with money and status. The regulars do it too.

I don't know.

The waiter at Red Lobster probably done did it. Like, this isn't just like when men have money and status that they become these, these, these demons, these sex criminals. No, unfortunately, men specifically in the '90s, a lot of the millennial men and well before that just didn't care about women and their autonomy. Consent wasn't a constant conversation. And so, like, it's not just athletes doing this. This has happened happening to everyday women and everyday men engaging in sex where things are happening that shouldn't be happening. And it's not just with women who choose to fucking or have the opportunity to fuck a celebrity. It's, it's the promoter at the club. It's the teacher. It's the, you know, CEO or the boss that thinks they have like— it's men.

Yeah.

That don't understand because they weren't taught or because they were sexually assaulted. And as men, they've been taught that, well, as long as it's a woman, you weren't assaulted because you should— you should want women to touch you. You should want women to like. And so there's just this imbalance on what assault has looked like for many of us for decades now, for centuries. And right now, that's where we're at. That space of knowledge is allowing us to break that down and hold these conversations.

Yeah. And then, you know, going back to Me Too movement, it's, I think it's like you said, we didn't even know that that was a thing because you're supposed to shut up. You know, you're supposed to shut up. You're not supposed to come forward with it.

Yep.

You know, when somebody puts hands on you, that's just like, just remove yourself so you're not the problem. Mm-hmm. You, you don't have to go and address it. And so I've been guilty of that because I thought, and my mom would tell me, and this is again where I, I had to have a conversation with her because she was like, you are not the one to decide their fate. That's the words of my mom. So she would be like, don't do anything about it.

Just move on.

That's Russian upbringing.

Have these motherfuckers go to jail.

Mm-hmm. That's, that's literally what I think now.

That's the other part. I think we're in the age of money being okay to wipe away things as a victim. No, fuck these civil suits.

Mm-hmm.

Press criminal charges.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I agree. I think it's because you're just hoping a man pays you off.

For the abuse he, he, he did. No.

Yeah.

Criminal charges.

I agree. How did you decide to leave your corporate job and move towards the podcasting fully?

Easy. I got savings and I decided, I said, if I'm giving 70 hours a week to these crackers, I could give it to myself. And so I, I left in 2019 and haven't looked back. It literally was just me believing in myself and ironically it was like 6 months, 8 months before the pandemic, and I was like, oh bitch, what did you do? You done left your career, now the world is ending, bitch. You gotta figure this shit out. Luckily the pandemic ended up being a great time for creators, right? So it just, it worked out. But yeah, it was just me betting on myself. And I, I have my degrees, I have 2 bachelor's degrees, I have a BS in accounting and a BBA in business administration and marketing, so I felt like I got the pieces of paper to always get a job if I need one. Now in this economy, I don't know how much they matter, but for me, I just always felt like, okay, well, if it doesn't work, I'll just go and apply for a job. I have my degrees, right? The dumb millennial way of thinking.

But I, yeah, I mean, I, that's all I always have in my, in the back of my mind that like, if anything, I can always get a job.

Yeah. Well now, no, you can't just get a job now. Not in this economy. They're not like, There are people with master's degrees that like a lot of people are overqualified or they're underpaying. Like there's a lot of jobs. Cool. They have listings, but they're fake or they're already filled. Like the, the job market right now with AI and technology advancements, it's, it's tricky out here.

Yeah. I feel like it's, this is the time to actually go into it yourself. It sounds kind of crazy, but, but it's not for everybody. Cause not everybody can do it.

You need the money to start something.

Something.

Yeah, not everyone has that.

Oh my God. And how did you end up at Goldman Sachs? Because that's like—

yeah, because I'm her. I'm really her. I was at Goldman Sachs and Ernst Young. That's— I, I got that through an interview and having the qualifications. So I was at Goldman Sachs for a year and a half, decided I didn't like private—

you applied and then you got it?

You— how else you think I got the job? Because I— listen, I went through the interview process Okay. And what's crazy is it was for an internship role in Dallas. It was only supposed to be a summer job. They absolutely love— flew me to Dallas. I interviewed with Goldman Sachs in Dallas and he absolutely loved me. Ironically, came from the Jersey City office and referred me there, interviewed at the Jersey City office and worked at Goldman for a year and a half in the investment tax department. And then when I graduated, because I was in New York, you need 150 credits to become a CPA. So I was on, on a path to become a CPA. Um, I decided that once I finished my additional 30 credits that I was going to go into public accounting. Interviewed, was a member of the National Association of Black Accountants. Okay. Interviewed and got the job. Girl, I interviewed with the Obama administration. Well, almost became an intern for the Obama administration. I got a job offer at the S&P 500. I denied it because I wanted to go into public accounting.

Uh-huh. Girl, I'm really her.

I know I get on this pod and be sounding all crazy, but I, I'm a very hard worker. I'm very organized. I'm a people person, and I have the credentials to back up very high, like, roles in, in a lot of places in corporate.

Well, listen, I understand that because I can tell the way you run the business, the way you talk, you don't just come out of nowhere and do that.

Excel sheets for a reason, right? Right. I was in that shit long enough, right? I ain't lose my Excel sheet skills. I got them formulated. Dropdown boxes, color-coded.

So is that what you brought from the corporate world into your business?

Organization, admin, emails, like all the things that like that it takes to run a business. Absolutely. I think I learned all of that in college. Like Sallie Mae not getting her money back, but I'm I don't think I'm as organized and ready to be an entrepreneur without going through 4 years of college and then the experience I had in corporate, especially going on— I had unpaid internships too. So I worked at H&R Block and did taxes for individuals. I worked at the financial department, the state, New York State Finance, uh, financial department as well as an intern. And they dealt with like insurance fraud and then they dealt with like like high fraud within the state financially.

Damn.

But yeah, I did all of that.

That's crazy. Do you think if they were to listen to your podcast, would they say something? Do you know if they said—

give a fuck? Like, you know what's crazy? When I quit Ernst Young, it was because I was leaving work. Bitch, we— I gotta go to the studio. I was selling out Caroline's and literally going into work on Monday. Right. So it's funny because I remember we had at the time Andrew Schultz opened for us and everyone knows how big Andrew Schultz is now, but he opened up for us like at Caroline's and we were just getting all this notoriety. We were selling out these, these clubs and I was making money and I literally, I made my salary in 5 months.

Mm-hmm.

Made my salary in 5 months.

Okay.

I was like, whoa.

Oh, yeah.

Let me go ahead, pay off my credit cards, buy all new furniture, and get a savings of $10,000. No one in my family has a savings account. Savings account is a big deal, right? So got my savings account to $10,000, bought all new furniture, furnished my little 2-bedroom apartment that I lived in alone.

Wow. In New York City.

In New York City. Woo!

Okay, gosh.

It was in the Bronx, but and it don't matter. And literally when I decided to put in my 2 weeks, so many people were like, well, why? And so I had told them what I was doing and it was so inspiring to hear how many of them had creative ambitions or hobbies that fell to the wayside because of corporate needs. And so my last 2 weeks was actually pushed me to, to go because all of my senior managers, the partner, everybody was like, oh wow, you've been doing this. And there was like there was a glimpse in their eyes of them sharing with me the things that they used to do creatively that they can't anymore. And so I, I don't think they'll think anything but like being proud. And baby, I'm making more money than the partner now. So the money I'm making now, I probably would have never seen in my career unless I literally started my own firm and became Jordan Belfort or whatever the nigga's name is from Wolf of Wall Street.

Yeah, I feel the same way.

And I still, I don't make Wolf of Wall Street money. Let me go ahead and make that very clear. But it, it, in the career path that I had as a public accountant, it would've taken me decades to reach the wealth that I've seen in the last 5 years.

Which is crazy because accountant is so like, to me it's a very introverted person. Like it's like a what a type, type, type C.

I don't think I make sense as an accountant.

Yeah, no, no, I don't. You can count money like, you know, physically maybe in a strip club.

And then, and then you learn, I was good at math and all that and I thought, ooh, I'm gonna be an accountant. Girl, everything is formulated in Excel sheets. Yeah. The numbers, you just gotta know, it's, it's a lot more than just numbers.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

No, listen, I, I worked at some very, very large corporations.

Yeah.

And to this day I have to tell myself that like, you need to get out of this mindset that corporate is the only way to make money. And because I've been in this mindset, that's why it's only been bringing me money. Right. So now I'm like, like, get out of your head. There's so much money everywhere, anywhere you go.

But also, that's a false sense again in this economy.

Mm-hmm.

The idea that there's so much money out here to be made, it takes a lot of discipline. It takes investment.

Of course.

And a lot of people don't have that. Yeah. So, like, for a lot of people, having a job is their only way that they'll ever make money.

Mm-hmm.

That's— no, I agree.

I agree. I'm, I'm, I'm just speaking for me specifically. Oh, for sure. For sure. I'm not speaking for other people because I think there is a very big difference between being a leader and being a doer. Absolutely. And running a business and working for somebody, you know, because I— every day I hear people like, I want to have a podcast, but it's like I hear it for 5 months straight. What have you done to have a podcast? Have you started doing—

Oh yeah, girl, girl, we're not even going to get into that.

It's, it's, it's—

my next business is coming in. I'm sick of having conversations with people that want to do that, literally don't do the first step.

Yeah, start it, start it.

Yeah, start it, then talk to me. Start it, then talk to me.

Go fumble multiple times.

Go start it, then talk to me.

Yeah, because— and I feel like It's important to do it for, you know, do 20 episodes. I'm not even gonna give you time. Do 20 episodes.

Yeah.

Put out 20 episodes, full episodes, and then come to me and then come to me and then talk to me about, because you know, a lot of times I hear like, oh, you should do this, you should do that. I'm like, where's your shit?

Yeah.

Where, where is it?

Yeah.

Show, show. I don't, I don't, I don't, what are we doing? Well, what are we talking about? Because it's like, it's easier for you to come from aside and give me critiques of everything that I'm doing than you doing this shit and then, you know, talking, oh, I don't have money. I never had fucking money to do it either, right? It was just literally by grace of God that it happened, right? But it's like, you have to do it. That's why I called my show— it was like, at first, the whole thing about Talk Less, Do More, it was like about men because I was so angry about men just fucking running their mouth and never doing nothing. And then it just kind of turned into this like, oh, it's not just men, it's everybody.

It's everybody.

It's everybody. People just— everybody. And then they blame—

I say it all the time, I'm an equal opportunist. I will talk shit about men and women.

Mm-hmm.

I don't give a fuck.

Yeah, because it's women— women be running their mouths. All right, I'm gonna ask you quick questions and then just quick answers.

Okay, because I'm ready for this. This is—

this is what our best friend ChatGPT pulled together for what people would want to know about you. So just, you know, kind of like a quick quiz and then we're gonna wrap it up.

I love it. Let's do it.

All right, what's the downside of being so publicly honest?

That you're critiqued. Mm-hmm. That, like, online, that would be the biggest thing because daily I'm receiving messages about how I ain't shit, I suck, I'm ugly, I'm this, I'm that. So because my truth offends people or doesn't align with other people's beliefs, I get attacked constantly. And that's a lot to deal with. It's hard.

I love that you're vulnerable.

Yeah, it's tough. Like, it's easy for people to say, just don't read the comments. It literally comes to me in my phone. And I'm a person who's active on socials.

Yeah.

So to read those comments daily, it's tough. It's hard.

Do you ever go into it and be like, oh, maybe they actually have a point? Or no?

Fuck no, bitch. I be like, your mother should have swallowed you, bitch. And don't have an RIP hashtag in your goddamn bio. I'm talking about who's in the grave rolling, seeing that this is how you spending your life. They should be here, not the person in the grave. And don't have ugly kids on your page. Talk about them motherfuckers too. Oh yeah.

Do people mistake your confidence for lack of vulnerability?

Oh, all the time. Yeah, I, I, I— they, they think I'm a villain. They think I'm cold. They think I'm harsh or brash and all of these words. And I don't think so. But they don't know me like my friends, my partners. They all know I'm a sensitive fucking little crybaby. I love that.

What part of yourself do you keep private on purpose?

My coochie. You can't see it on the internet.

Okay.

But yeah, like, to me, it's, it's as sex positive I am. It's why, like, I never really wanted to do like OnlyFans or anything like that.

You would have probably made a killing on there.

Yeah, but—

Yeah, you can make more money with OnlyFans.

Yeah, no, it's already tough enough having a goddamn sex-positive podcast.

Right.

Couldn't even imagine. I would say that, and that's probably it. I'm not very— I'm not a very private person.

It is what it is.

Yeah, I'm not a very private person.

How did your relationship with success change once money started coming in?

How did my relationship with success—

Mm-hmm.

It made me realize that I had a ceiling on what I thought I could do.

Mm.

And so, like, seeing the money come in and seeing the opportunities that I've had, I realized that my vision for myself was way smaller than it should have been. And so for me, seeing what's been coming in, seeing what I've been able to do over the last decade is like, Oh, bitch, you could do anything. So I think seeing the money and being this long in tenure has just showed me that, oh girl, you could, you could have a blockbuster film. Like I'm working on television and film now. I'm shooting sizzles for my, like, reality shows. I have another thing for another book. Like, for me, sky's the limit.

I love that.

Finally now, not even sky's the limit. I could go above the sky. Like I have nothing that says, bitch, you can't do this or you're dreaming too big. I'm not a place with, with finances and success that now there's no limit to my, to my success.

Yeah. Because I feel like as kids, to us, like, again, you know, even when you say I worked at Ernst Young, I worked at Goldman Sachs, like, to some people, like, holy shit.

I used to just want $100,000. We talk about, like, the goal and dream was $100,000.

I remember that moment.

$100,000.

Yes.

I will tell you. This year I got a $100,000 check.

Yeah, of course.

For an appearance.

Yeah.

So like this idea— and yes, I had to split that 50/50 because I got a partner. But the idea that that was made in, you know, a couple of days, I mean, to me, again, this idea that $100,000 used to be my goal. And when I was a bartender, I just wanted to make $1,000 a week.

Yeah.

That's $52,000 a year. Like when you I've— I had these very small goals for myself.

Yeah.

And that's what I thought was asking the universe for too much. No, girl.

Oh, I remember I was living—

No, girl.

Listen, I was living in the Bay Area. I thought $75,000 was a good amount of money. What are you talking about?

And it is for some people, right? But when you live in major cities and when you actually be able to see it, no, it's not enough. It's not enough.

Man, you can't even get an apartment with that.

No.

Like, you won't. What would surprise people most about your day-to-day life?

Oh, I started off by laying with my cat. I scroll on my phone and then I have to have coffee every morning. If I go without coffee, I don't even feel like myself. And I just got a really nice coffee maker. So double espresso, splash of milk. I have to start my day off with coffee. Very old woman of me, but I need my coffee.

What's your favorite type of coffee? Or brand? Double espresso. Nespresso?

Espresso.

Espresso? No, but what's the brand?

I don't know. I just bought some shit because I got this little fancy $500 coffee maker now and it's Black Cat something. I don't know. I bought it from a coffee shop because I used to have the Nespresso, which was just the pods. But now, no bitch, I grind my own beans. Okay.

Okay.

I'm a real barista now. All right.

Do you believe love should feel calm or consuming?

Always calm. You not gonna come and bring chaos into my life.

That's a boss woman for serious. I say the same thing. I just want to have peace.

Consuming. If you come in and be a distraction to my life or my work, this isn't healthy.

What's the difference between being chosen and being valued?

I think what we talked about with Mr. NBA. There's a difference between a man offering to take you out and a man caring about your well-being. Mm-hmm. So that's the, that's the difference right there. Like, does he actually care about you beyond what he can get out of you?

Right.

Whether it be sex or your time, does he genuinely care about you as a person? That's the difference between being chosen and being valued.

Yeah. And I, I know for him was a big thing to be seen with me. And I was like, bro, what the fuck? I was like, yeah.

Like, nah, even then, that's, that's the difference.

What's a red flag you ignored because the chemistry was insane?

Oh, A Man with Nine Kids. Holy shit. Yeah. I don't know why I acted like I didn't care. And I slept with him and one of his baby mamas. I was like, it's fine. You have a fun time.

Oh, yeah. Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. You slept with him and one of his baby mamas?

Yeah. But yeah, he had 9 kids. Why the fuck would I even like him? I don't know, but I did. But the chemistry was insane. He's the one who put me on the Young Thug. It was great. It was great.

Do you think most people are actually emotionally monogamous?

No, clearly no.

Well, you're asking you.

Clearly no.

Okay, I'm going to ask you this one about the book. What's the hardest truth you had to admit about yourself while writing the book?

I mean, to me it was the transactional sex chapter, like the need for those relationships to literally survive. And to, you know, I guess if someone's listening, oh my God, she fucked around with money. She's a prostitute. That's what you want to call me. But I think, you know, acknowledging the things that I had to do to pay my bills and the relationships that, you know, were serving in such a low vibrational way, I think it was interesting to think back of why I chose those type of relationship dynamics.

I mean, you admit to them your relationship dynamic was one thing, but Weezy's was a whole different fucking thing.

Yes.

I was like, goddamn, girl. Goddamn. I was like, goddamn. And you guys don't have to read it to know what I'm talking about because I was like, woo-hoo-hoo-hoo. Okay. What part of your healing journey was the loneliest?

Probably still just the sitting with myself and dealing with my feelings outside of therapy. Like sitting with what the truth was and figuring out what I liked about myself and where I know I needed to do the work to make some changes.

Mm. Oh, wow.

Because no one can do that for you.

No.

No one. Not a book, not a journal, not a therapist, not a doctor, not medication. It's you and you willing to be able to do the work.

Yeah.

And so I remember even last year, towards the end of last year, I immediately— I removed— I did 3 months, no liquor, no sex to figure out even the connection with those and how I was using them and you know, if they were vices and in which way I was using them unhealthily. And so, yeah, just making sure I'm constantly checking my relationship with the things that we know aren't that great, whether it be men, sex, drugs, liquor, removing that and seeing like, you know, if you go through a withdrawal because then it might be unhealthy.

You know what I did? I had— I did the same thing last year, actually, for 7 months.

Oh, wow. That's a long time.

And what I realized is that it wasn't liquor that was making me crazy. I'm just fucking crazy without the liquor.

Oh, oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. All right.

Yeah.

I, when I learned that, I was like, well, liquor is a downer, so yeah.

Yeah. But when I realized that, cuz I used to go out a lot, I used to drink a lot and I used to party and I used to, you know, like take shots and all this. And I was like, goddamn, I can do the same without shots. It's just me. It wasn't the liquor.

Oh yeah. What I realized is, uh, I'm an introvert. Without liquor and would rather be home and not with a whole bunch of people, especially if I'm going to be sober. I don't want to be around a whole bunch of drunk people and not drinking.

Oh yeah, I hated that.

Oh my God.

I hated that. Terrible. I just—

and now everyone really looks like zombies. Yeah, it's like, it's really not— I don't know how sober people go out.

I don't know either.

It's not fun. And everyone slurs. They're loud. They don't know fucking personal space. My God. Drunk people are terrible to be around.

And you become so judgy.

You're like, oh my God, I be judging.

Fuck, like what?

Just know if you are going out a sober friend, boy, are you being judged because that shit is— and they really love you because the shit is not fun.

No, it's not fun. It's not fun. It's not fun.

It's not fun.

And when men try to talk to you, I'm like, bro, what the fuck are you saying?

Like, yo, especially when they drunk.

Oh, it's not fun.

No.

All right.

The last one.

What's something you forgave yourself for? For that took years?

What I forgave myself for?

Yeah.

I mean, I think just my decisions with, with men over time.

Mm-hmm.

I forgive myself because again, I didn't— I wasn't given the foundation to know what a healthy relationship looked like. I wasn't given the foundation to know what self-love looked like. Therapy wasn't a thing I grew up with. Like, so to me, just, I guess I forgave myself for some of— some of—

not—

can't be all, but for a lot of the decisions I made.

Yeah, that's amazing. That's beautiful. Well, thank you so much.

And again, thank you for having me.

I think this book—

this might be the longest part I've ever done, by the way.

Listen, and I apologize.

Ever.

I know you're very in life on time.

You're like, damn, and I gotta go home and record for my Patreon. I'm like, shit, a bitch is talked out.

I'm so sorry.

No, you good, because this— it flowed. But I just looked at the time like, oh, bitch, you lying. And you know, it's Atlanta traffic, bitch.

Oh my God.

Well, girl, rush hour be crazy around here.

I know. Trust me, today was insane.

Well, it's going to be for the holiday shopping, people off work. It's crazy.

I want a helicopter for this next week, but it is what it is.

Same.

Well, where can people find you?

Yes. So you can listen to me every Monday. It's Decisions, Decisions podcast. You can get my book. No Holds Barred: A Dual Manifesto of Sexual Exploration and Power wherever you get books. The Audible version is also available if you want to listen to Weezy and I read it. You can also check me out every Tuesday and Friday on my new podcast Selective Ignorance, where I dive into the public outrage of everything pop culture, politics, and life. Um, and then if you are in Atlanta, every Saturday from 6 to 8, you can catch me on Off the Clock on Hot 107.9. With my DJ, DJ Jazzy T.

Jesus Christ, this woman is everywhere and I love it.

I don't know how I fucking talk so much.

I'm here for it. Listen, and you probably got a team, but again, what we're gonna do is Mandy's gonna sign the book. Yes, we're actually gonna give away this book to one of the listeners, to one of the listeners, because I promise you, you do not want to miss this book. But anyways, guys, thank you.

If you don't win it, bitch, go buy it. It's fucking like $23 on Amazon. You got $23, give it to— and it's something that you could pass along to your cousins, your nieces, your daughters, all the things.

It's, it's an amazing book. I highly recommend. And again, I read it in one day, so absolutely go buy the book, go listen to Mandy, listen to Talk Less Show, and we'll see you guys in the next one. Thank you so much for watching. Bye!