Danielle Jhiani explains retroactive jealousy, a form of relationship OCD where you obsess over your partner's past relationships or sexual history. It shows up as social media checking, avoiding places, and enforcing strict rules. It's treatable with specific OCD interventions.
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Welcome back. My name is Danielle Thornton Gianni. I'm an anxiety and OCD recovery coach, helping people recover from ocd, anxiety and insecure attachment, just like I have, so you can live a happy life and have healthy, happy relationships. Today we're going to talk about retroactive jealous. And this is just another term describing a form of relationship OCD where someone gets a lot of jealousy about their partner who may have had other relationships, other sexual encounters, or other experiences with people. As you've learned from my channel, fear can attach to anything and in any way. And this happens when we have a lot of fears, anxieties and insecurities. We can start to really worry about who our partners have been with, what their experiences were like. Essentially, when this happens, you have a hard time not focusing on your partner's past, who they've been with, what they didn't do. A lot of people with this will really hyper focus on trying to eliminate their partner's past, eliminate the things that they did, their sheets, their bed, the clothes that they wore. They often won't want to go to the same restaurant or the same places that they've been with this other person. A lot of different ways that this shows up, but essentially this is extremely unhealthy and it is a form of either anxiety or ocd, depending on the person. And the inability to stop thinking about and worrying about and obsessing about your partner's past is, is a likely sign that you may be experiencing ocd. The reason why this is so important to understand is because there's a very important treatment plan that needs to happen for somebody with ocd. There are very specific things that need to happen to eliminate these obsessions and then the compulsions that follow so that you no longer have to worry or struggle with this jealousy of your partner and their past, and sometimes even of the future or present moment as well. You might find yourself always asking your partner about what they did, what that other person was like, what the relationship was like. You might find yourself wanting to avoid any place or situation or item that that other person has been in touch with or been around or had a part of. You might find yourself constantly checking your partner's social media and really having some strong, unhealthy boundaries around what types of items are supposed to be in the house and what aren't, what your part does, what they think about. And this behavior could become very unhealthy for your relationship, but not only that, for you, because essentially we have to accept that most of us are with People who have been with somebody in the past, that is the past. And yes, I'm sure my husband has a thing or two that some ex has given him. So what? I have a couple things that I've gotten letters in the past from people. It's nostalgic. It doesn't mean I want to be with that person. It doesn't mean that I even think about that person. It just means that we all have a past, we have memories. But it means nothing about my relationship right now. So in order to eliminate this unhealthy issue which is going to negatively affect your relationship and it will eventually sabotage your relationships, I know that you want healthy, happy relationship with your partner. And what you have to do in order to get there is to stop obsessing about their past, stop trying to control what they do and don't do, and eliminate this obsession either mentally or physically giving this attention. I know it sounds easier said than done, but there are very specific things that you can do to get to the point where your partner having a past or an ex or other intimate experiences with other people besides you can no longer bother you. You can see this, accept it, and be okay with the fact that your partner has been with other people, but be able to focus on your relationship and what's happening now in the present moment. If you want help with this, please visit my website@www.myocdcoach.com. i help people with everything. Anxiety, OCD and insecure attachment. And we'll talk to you very.
