Anxiety coach Danielle Thornton explains how checking your feelings when reality doesn't match what you imagined keeps the OCD cycle going. She recommends exposure and response prevention: sit with uncertainty and stop ruminating instead of trying to fix how you feel.
Foreign.
Hi, my name is Danielle Thornton. I am an anxiety and OCD recovery coach. And today I want to talk about expectations when you struggle with relationship ocd. So for a lot of you, you know that you have some high expectations and high standards, right? You have a way that you want this relationship to look. You have a way that you want your time with your partner. You even have a certain way that you want your feelings to feel like. But I want to put a different spin on this other than just expectations, because this is really going to be helpful if you understand OCD and erp. So let's say that you are getting ready to spend some time with your partner, and you've just walked in the room and maybe said hello, and you find that you're not feeling like it's going like you wanted it to, right.
In this moment. What you've actually done is you're checking, okay? You've done the compulsion of checking your feelings. You've checked and noticed that they're not what you wanted them to be. And then most likely, you start ruminating about this or analyzing it. And you're probably going to go back and forth between checking and analyzing and checking and analyzing, and maybe some reassurance seeking in there too, as well. And what's happening is that you are in the OCD cycle. You are doing the compulsions, which is reinforcing the ocd, which gives you more intrusive thoughts, more compulsions. And down the rabbit hole you go, okay? And the reason why it's important to recognize that this started out with a compulsion is because a lot of people think, oh, I just have these high expectations. Where do I set that bar? And it's not really about where you set the bar or what expectations that you need to have or not have. It's about doing exposure and response prevention. So what do you do in this moment? You're with your partner. You find yourself checking your feelings. What you need to do is remind yourself that this is a compulsion. Okay, I'm checking my feelings. This is a compulsion. And this compulsion is going to fuel the OCD cycle and send me down the rabbit hole. So, number one, I need to not do this. And so what do you do in that moment? You need to do the exposure. And what that means is allowing the moment to be what it is, allowing your feelings to be what they are. This goes back to mindfulness and exposure. Very similar, two very similar things. And you sit with that. You sit with what's there, what's not there, and you just allow it to be there without doing any additional compulsions. This is an example of erp. And if you do this properly, which means not also doing compulsions, then your anxiety is going to dissipate. Fast, slow, who knows, but your anxiety will dissipate and this will allow you to be more present in the moment and it will actually allow you to feel more positive feelings. But the purpose of this needs to be to lean into what is the acceptance, the uncertainty, whatever is in that moment, and then just let the rest go. Recovery really is all about knowing what your compulsions are and not doing those compulsions, which is the response, prevention and learning how to do exposure and leaning into the uncertainty. And if you want more help with this, which I promise you getting guidance on ERP is going to make all the difference in the world versus trying to do it on your own, please let me know. I've provided links below where you can schedule a free call with me to learn more about how I can help you. I offer payment plans and all kinds of services above and beyond what you're going to get anywhere else, and it's tailored towards you. Whether you have relationship ocd, a different form of OCD or relationship OCD and many forms of ocd, it doesn't matter. I treat them all. My success with my clients speaks for itself. And and I promise you, getting help with this is going to catapult you into much quicker recovery, feeling better sooner. And it is very possible because I've done it myself. If you liked this video, please make sure that you click like or comment below so I know that this is something that you want to learn more of. Subscribe if you want notifications of my new videos and I will talk to you all soon.
Sam.
