This is a YouTube interview (uploaded by Danielle Jhiani) in which Gisella describes her experience with relationship OCD (ROCD). She reports daily anxiety, depression, and constant overanalyzing of thoughts; prior "regular" CBT with a therapist who did not understand ROCD was unhelpful. After finding the creator on YouTube and beginning a specialized exposure-based (ERP) program, she reports substantial improvement: reduced intrusive thoughts and fewer compulsions about seven weeks into a nine-week program. The interview emphasizes identifying hidden compulsions (e.g., constantly checking feelings or trying to 'figure out' thoughts) and the centrality of exposure to thoughts as the mechanism of change.
Questions this video answers
March 6, 2021.
Regular CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy).
About seven weeks.
Chapters
Foreign.
Thank you for doing this, Gisela. First, why don't you tell me or anybody listening what you were experiencing before we started working together with your ocd?
When I first started having rocd, I was having a lot of anxiety every day. You know, I would have, like, really strong emotions. Like, I would just feel really depressed all the time, and I just didn't know how to handle my emotions at all. I would basically let myself, you know, be consumed with my thoughts because I thought that if I figured out my thoughts, that something would come out of it, or I thought that if, like, something popped up in my head, it would just, like, let me figure out the whole situation. So. So I would just overanalyze my thoughts all the time, and it was just making things worse. But I didn't know that at first. So, yeah, when I started doing the therapy, it just really helped me, you know, to just kind of sit with my thoughts rather than try to push them away or try to figure them out. That's basically the only way that you can honestly get over your ROCD or to make it better is to just expose yourself to the thoughts. Because if you keep trying to push away or trying to overthink them, it really just makes. It makes everything worse.
Yeah, that's the truth. And so what did you try before you started coaching with me?
I was going to therapy, but it wasn't. It was just, like, regular.
Like, I guess it would fall under CBT therapy. And I was going. Doing that for a few months. It didn't really help me that much, I figured. But at first, I was just really, like, desperate to find some sort of source to help me out with what I was going through. And she really didn't know what it was I was going through either. So she was trying to help me as best as she could, but it honestly was just making things worse because she kind of would just give me straightforward answers like, well, if you. If you feel this way, then why don't you break up with your boyfriend? And all that, or something like that. And it just made me feel way worse because, like, I didn't want to, but I just felt like my thoughts, like, consuming me more. And so I decided to look for other therapists. And. And that's when I, you know, I was, like, looking on YouTube and I found your page. So that's when I decided to reach out to you.
But, yeah, before that, it was just. Yeah, it was my therapist. And then I didn't really do anything else besides that I was still doing all my compulsions and. And all my having all those intrusive thoughts because she didn't know how to deal with them, and I didn't know how to deal with them either.
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. So did you try to handle it on your own? Did you try to learn ERP on your own, or.
No.
Did you end up finding me first?
No. I didn't even know what ERP was before. Before I met you. Like, once you. Once I met you, that's when I found out about it. But I feel like I definitely would have tried to before I met you if I even knew what it was. But at first, I.
Had tried to, like, label it as relationship anxiety because of what I was seeing about, like, Cheryl Paul's page and all that. And then I was like, well, you know what? I saw someone else comment something about how they figured out that they have ROCD because they went to their therapist, and I was like, well, why don't I look into that? Like, I don't know what that is, but I'm gonna look into it. And it ended up being exactly what I needed, I guess. And so I ended up looking for therapists that specialize in this kind of stuff. And I. It was difficult to find a therapist that knows about rocd, but, yeah, I ended up finding your page. So I definitely was like, dang, I got to reach out to her because I'm like. I was, like, desperate. Like, I need some sort of, like, you know, outlet or someone that actually understands what I'm going through.
Yeah.
Great. And.
And how is the process of working together for people who are curious and where are you at now?
Yeah, so basically, it's a lot of exposing yourself to your thoughts. So even when you're not.
Like, working together, like, one on one doing the exposures, you still have to do it when you're not with. With them. So you basically, whenever you have a thought, it's basically just exposing yourself to that thought, or even when you're not having that thought, just thoughts that give you anxiety, it's good to expose yourself to those two. And then.
When we're working together, we basically go over.
What compulsions I still have, or.
We just go over some more exposures as to the thoughts that have been giving me anxiety. So basically, it's just a lot of exposing yourself to your thoughts. And that, honestly, is kind of the key to making yourself better. You just have to expose yourself to all the things that give you anxiety, because anxiety is basically fear. So if you kind of expose yourself to those Fears, then. Then you start feeling better because you don't. You're not scared of those thoughts anymore. So.
Yeah, absolutely. And so how would you say you're doing now versus how you were doing? We're not even done with the nine week program yet, but we started about.
Yeah, seven weeks ago. So before this I was like a mess with my whole situation because I didn't know exactly what it was and I didn't know who would be able to understand me in regards to the situation. So. But after like going through this program, I feel a lot better. Especially these past few weeks, I've been doing really good and I haven't really had like any intrusive thoughts or I haven't done as many compulsions. And.
Me not doing those compulsions, I just feel a lot better. And you don't realize that with you stopping those compulsions, it's basically the key to not going through the whole ROCD cycle.
So, yeah, it's been helping a lot. And I never thought that like, I could feel this good as like, like me looking back at me a couple months ago, I was like, I don't think I'm ever going to get over this situation. And me today I'm just like, wow. I honestly feel like I'm completely like. Like I feel normal now. Like, like I feel like, like how I was before this whole situation happened.
You've done amazing. And I know with a lot of my clients, you know, one of the. Well, everybody, one of the first things we do is identify your compulsions, which most people are aware of. Some of them, but there's usually compulsions that people aren't aware of. And it's so important for somebody to help you identify these because if you're doing them and you don't realize they're compulsions, they feed the OCD cycle. So did you have compulsions that you didn't realize were compulsions that we were able to identify together?
Yes, I had a lot of compulsions that I didn't realize were compulsions. Like me trying to figure out the meaning of thoughts. That was a really big compulsion of mine. Like, I would even write down my thoughts and try to figure out why I felt the way I did. That was a really big compulsion of mine. And I feel like that was one of the big reasons as to why I just kept digging myself a deeper hole and then also.
Me basically checking my feelings all the time. I think this is still something that isn't completely gone, but it's definitely something that I've reduced significantly. So, like, me just checking how I feel around my boyfriend or like. Like checking to see if I'm still attracted to him and stuff like that. I think that that's a really big thing too. And I never knew that that was a compulsion up until I started doing the exposures and stuff like that. I have a lot of compulsions.
No, that's okay. Everybody does, and. And everybody is aware of some, but there's usually more that. That they're doing. So that's amazing. Well, what would you say to somebody who's struggling with relationship ocd or any form of ocd? Because I do treat all forms.
But what would you say to somebody who's struggling? They're thinking about reaching out to me, but they're not sure. What would you tell them?
I definitely say do it. I definitely say reach out. Because at first I was scared because I was just in my head, like, I was just overthinking, like, what if once I get better, I realize I don't want to be with my boyfriend or. I feel like a lot of people have that thought. But honestly.
Rocd, just, like, going through the whole exposure just helps you.
Not be scared anymore. And that's basically.
The whole gist of going through this. But I would say, yeah, definitely, definitely do it, because it definitely did make me feel a lot better. I was scared before this. I didn't want to do it. I had a lot of anxiety thinking about even doing it.
