How 3 People Broke Free From OCD: Their Journey to Freedom

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My name is Danielle Gianni. I'm an anxiety OCD and relationship coach, and I help people overcome issues in these areas. And today we're going to talk with a few of the ladies who have also overcome different OCD subsets, hear a little bit about their stories, get some advice from them, and I think it's going to be a great conversation today that will help people feel heard and understood and give you hope in regards to OCD recovery. Welcome, ladies. I'll start with Allison and ask you to just tell me a little bit about your struggles with ocd. What subsets did you have? What was that struggle like when it was at its worst?

Yeah. So nice to meet everyone. I'm Allison Cholak, and I was diagnosed with OCD in 2012.

I remember that my first subset was sexual orientation OCD. And I remember the time it kind of all hit me at once. I was watching a movie with my boyfriend at the time, and out of nowhere, I just got these intrusive thoughts, and I didn't know what was happening, but I remember getting a rush of anxiety. And in the days following that moment, things just got progressively worse for me. And I was going to talk therapists because at the time, I was in college, so I was going to talk therapists to try to figure out what was going on. And they were telling me, like, maybe you are actually gay and you just never realized. But it just was not helping me. I was just getting worse and more anxious. And that all stopped when I did my own research and I found OCD therapist, and she was able to diagnose me. And we started ERP therapy regularly, and I overcame that subset pretty quickly soon after. But since that time, I've had a number of other subsets, like rocd.

What else harm ocd? Almost every subset you can imagine. You know, throughout my life, I've gone through periods of recovery and remission.

But I always come out on the other side. So I just want to say, whatever subset you have, whatever intrusive thought, no matter how taboo it is, I've probably had it myself. And you don't have to worry. It's just OCD playing its games, and it's really a trickster, and it's always going to try to increase its scare level a little bit every time. So that's pretty much about me. And now I'm coaching, I'm in recovery, and, yeah, I'm happy to help anyone else who's struggling out there.

Well, thank you for sharing, and we'll get back to you. About how life is different now and all the good stuff. So. But let's move over to Daniela and tell us a little bit about yourself and what OCD was like at its worst.

Hi, everyone. I'm glad to be here. And yes, I struggle from ocd and in particular about Rocd. And I discovered, as you know, one of your videos on YouTube in the hardest part of my life because I had ocd, but I didn't know anything about it, so I was so confused. And your videos for me was really exciting at one point because finally I discovered what I was going through and it was really hard. But at the same time, I find myself finally understood in some way. At the time, after I watched your video, I was struggling with my boyfriend as well, because I asked him and myself, are you the right person or is it for me? Is for me the right person or not? I was really scared. I was anxious all the time and I was desperate. And I think I arrived at one point that my life was really a nightmare. I remember I was scared to go in a room or another because me and my boyfriend started to live together. And at the beginning I was scared wasn't the person I. I loved and I really loved him. So I decided with my couple of therapists to start a path with you. So I went through your videos and it was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life.

It's interesting how when the brain is in an anxious state that we can really start to become afraid of so many things. I can remember going to a movie and little scenes in the movie just was really scary to me. And I knew logically they weren't scary, but I was in such an anxious state that even a movie that I would normally enjoy was triggering. Was relationship OCD your only subset or were there other things that have come up for you too?

Yeah, I think it was my first at the beginning. But with the time, I discovered maybe I had others. For example, religious ocd, because I'm a religion person, a Christian, and I have a strong faith. But at some point, ROCD OCD was confused with my faith. And it was really difficult for me because I asked myself again, maybe God wants or not this relationship for me. So it was really hard, but now it's really better. Yeah.

That's awesome. Proud of you. Erica, tell us a little bit about your OCD and what that was like for you.

I'm trying to think where to begin because I feel like my journey happened very quickly. But yeah, looking back at it, mine also started with SOCD as well. But before it started just being about me thinking I was gay, it was me thinking that my fiance was gay. And I would have so much anxiety about that and just intrusive thoughts running all the time. And then it kind of dwindled away. And this was before I even knew about the OCD. Then it dwindled away, and then I had SoCD. And that's where the anxiety and intrusive thoughts came in. Really, really hard. And that's when I was like. That was probably the epitome of, like, there's something wrong here, because I know I'm not gay. There's, like, a contrast here, and I need to figure out what's going on. But it kind of would dwindle away, and then I would start to have rocd, and then that's where it was, like, getting really, really bad for me. And that's when I started doing my research. And then I found your videos, and it was like a light at the end of the tunnel. It was like an aha moment when I found your videos, and I was like, oh, my gosh, do I have an oc? And I continued to do research, and then I thought, you know what? I'm pretty sure I do. So I never got an official diagnosis, which that was hard for me in the beginning, too, because, I mean, even to this day, sometimes I'll have those intrusive thoughts about, like, well, you never got an official diagnosis, you know, but then I think, well, does it really matter? You know, because the recovery process helps you with so many different things in general, and me being in your program has helped me in so many different areas that I just needed to grow in. So I don't really think, like, having the official diagnosis really matters. I know that, hey, I'm dealing with intrusive thoughts, and I'm dealing with anxiety, and I need to learn how to deal with them because it's. It's taking life away from me. So, yeah, that's pretty much been my journey. I've been in recovery. I don't even know for how long now. It feels like OCD is pretty distant, but it does come in sometimes, you know, But I get out of it very quickly. I'm here now, and I'm happy to help others, and I love learning about OCD and how to help people with it, and I just love the ins and outs of it and all the research that's coming out.

Well, that's a great story. And I think one of the purposes of this call is to help people feel understood, to not feel so alone, and also to know that there is hope to get better. So, on that note, Allison, tell us, between your worst days to now, how would you explain your life being different?

Yeah, I would just say that I go throughout my day without any fear or intrusive thoughts. Like, I have occasionally, of course, some that pop in, but I don't feel anxious anymore when that happens. I allow the thought to be there, and then I let it go, which is something we practice a lot through your program. And yeah, living my life without fear and being happy, being in the present moment, not overthinking the past, the future, just being in the present and happy and calm and at peace with where I am, even if my life isn't perfect. So that is how life has changed.

Yeah, I love that. Happy, calm, at peace, even though life isn't perfect. That's realistic, right?

Yes, absolutely.

That is a great place to be, and I can relate to that completely. What about you, Daniela? How would you say your life is different now?

My life is totally different now because I finally enjoy my life and my relationship. Finally I'm able to do things for myself first and my couple. And, yeah, sometimes I struggle with some intrusive thoughts, but I immediately recognize the process and how OCD works and. And I'm able to use your tools, and life is really better now. And thanks to you, I'm able to help others now.

That's awesome. I love that. Erica, what about you?

Similar to, like, what Allison said, I feel like I'm learning to be more present and be grounded in my body and in my experience and not always be somewhere else in my mind and trying to reach perfectionism and everything. It's exhausting to be in that state. So, yeah, I feel like I'm more at peace and I can focus on things that I want to create and I can enjoy my relationship more. I feel like I'm living. I'm actually living. I'm not scared to go do things.

Yeah, it's like survival mode versus actually living and. And building the life that you want to live.

Building.

Building our dream lives.

Right.

Which is all what we want to be doing.

It's a little crazy to me, too, that we don't, like, inherently know how to live like this. Like, this is. This is our normal state. You know, this should be our natural. We have to learn how to be in our natural state. Yeah.

You know, it really goes back to how much of it's genetic, how much of it is learned, meaning we just didn't learn how to cope with discomfort and uncertainty, most of us. But I'd like to remind people of when they are struggling with OCD is everybody has challenges in life, right? And this was one of our challenges. And it's a. It's a big challenge. But in the moment when I was looking at other people and kind of envious of their lives, in the years that have passed, they've gone through difficult things that I may not have to go through.

Right?

And so everybody has challenges. We want to learn how to work through those challenges in a healthy way. For me, and I'm kind of curious about this with you all. I think I can answer this for you, but I'll let you answer it for yourself. For me, having OCD at one point was the worst thing I ever went through, and now it's. It's one of the best, because the recovery tools that I learned and that I teach people have helped me learn how to deal with life's challenges, OCD or not. I feel like for the first four decades of my life, I didn't know how to cope with uncertainty, with anxiety. I didn't even know I had anxiety. I didn't know how to cope very well. I didn't have the tools. And while OCD was very difficult, it taught me the tools to cope with. I feel like whatever life throws at me now, I feel like I can cope with, and it's given me a lot of confidence in myself to be able to overcome something as difficult as ocd. Would you all say that you feel the same way?

Yeah, I definitely feel that way. Like, I. In the beginning of my recovery journey, I always felt so frustrated about going through this, like, feeling like, oh, other people don't have to deal with this, but I do. Why? Why do I have to deal with this? Why is this my life challenge? You'll never be the version of yourself before ocd. You'll never be that person again, but you will be a different person at the end. And I wouldn't change anything. I like the version of who I am now, today, even though I've gone through so many ups and downs with this disorder. I'm a kinder, more empathetic person to others. I'm a great listener. And I think that's probably because of ocd, unfortunately, but fortunately. Exactly. Maybe I wouldn't. I wouldn't be the Allison I am today without this disorder. So I. I see some positivity in that, for sure.

I love that.

Totally the same for me. Yeah, it's Totally the same. I'm discovering another version of myself and I know myself again. It's like I discover a second life and this funny sometimes and is joyful and we always have challenges in our life. But I feel really more strong than ever.

I always say, like, OCD has been an initiation for me into deeper growth in so many different areas that I needed and I would have never known until I discovered the ocd. So I've definitely grown and matured and I feel like I'm better with people, with my interactions. I'm more empathetic and I can have compassion and just there's so much wisdom that comes from the recovery journey.

One thing I've learned over the years of my own recovery journey and then being an OCD coach is how many things there are out there that don't work really well for ocd. And for me, the things that I tried that did not work, and there's a lot of them. I know I'm going to forget some of them. But for me, I tried a lot of different therapies that didn't work. I did hypnotherapy, didn't work. A gut health diet that claimed to change or heal any sort of mental health issue.

I tried emdr, which didn't help too much microdosing. I tried ketamine treatments. I started out with Cheryl Paul's program on relationship anxiety, which is great for anxiety, but is not OCD focused. A lot of people think they can help with ocd, but it is a different animal. I even tried attachment issue stuff, which can be helpful to some extent, but it's not gonna treat ocd. So what did you guys try? End up working for you in the past just to kind of help guide people on what does work versus what doesn't.

For me, it was talk therapy. I went to like a normal therapist and we would analyze the thoughts and analyzing those thoughts, talking about them does absolutely nothing and will just get you deeper in that mental hole of rumination. So that is absolutely.

Something that I tried in the beginning, before I was diagnosed, that did not help me at all, whatsoever.

Yeah, that's so true. People want to help, but they don't realize that talking about it actually feeds the obsession. So very, very common. Daniela, is there anything that you tried that didn't work?

Yeah, absolutely. At the beginning I started to have psychoanalysis and things like that, but it was really painful for me because I reported maybe I had ocd. So it was really hard for me to stay there and analyze every single thought. It Wasn't the right thing for ocd. We need to avoid to stay there and analyze every single thought. We need to use technique to avoid rumination. For example, therapies are really useful for other kind of mental disease, but not for ocd. So ERP is the best way to do that.

Since you brought up erp, let me ask you, how do you feel about erp, which is the gold standard treatment for OCD versus the real method which you learned in the path programs like beyond erp, how do you see those two differently?

Yeah, I think they are really similar at some point. But the real method, your method is quicker, is simpler and you can use it when you are in an emergency, you know, OCD emergency. And I think the real method is really use useful for ocd, every subset.

Yeah.

And for anybody who doesn't know, you know, the real method is the method that I created because I learned ERP and ERP is necessary for OCD recovery. But the real method I developed above and beyond ERP to help us to be able to recognize moments of discomfort that may not fall into our typical OCD subset, that we're still responding with rumination or other compulsions with a way to incorporate some tools like acceptance and self compassion and a way to stop those compulsions completely, which is really important. And lastly, a lifetime skill to get us to the recovery stage and keep us there, versus a lot of times we learn ERP for a specific OCD subset, but we're not using that in all the other places that we should be. So Erica, what did you try that did not work for you, if anything.

For the OCD specifically? I didn't, I tried your program and that worked. I didn't, I got lucky. Like I was freaking out, you know, I hit a really bad low. And so when I found your program, I just was like, I gotta do this and try it and if it doesn't work, then I'll move forward. But yeah, so I haven't had too much experience trying different things.

You're lucky.

I know. I will say the why you suffer so much. You know, it was. And I was hitting rock bottom and I was like, I need to figure this out. But I will say before discovering the ocd, I did deal with a lot of. Well, obviously I was high anxiety and maybe I had the OCD at that time, I don't know. But before discovering it, a lot of depression, anxiety, OCD possibly. And I would like, I smoked a lot of weed at the time to deal with a lot of the intrusive thoughts. I also micro dosed as well and I don't do any substances now, but I find that with doing those things for myself after a while it would have like an AC.