Danielle Jhiani explains what OCD really is and how to help someone with it. Don't enable their compulsions or force them into exposure. Instead, validate their feelings, encourage treatment, set boundaries, and celebrate small wins.
If you love someone with ocd, you might be really confused as to how you can help them and support them. Maybe you've seen them trapped in rituals, struggling with anxiety and intrusive thoughts, or avoiding a lot of situations that trigger anxiety or shutting down. It's really tough for them and for you, but the truth is you can help them in a way that makes a difference. Today I'll talk to you about what OCD is, what not to do, and how you can support and help your loved one through the recovery journey.
First, let's clear some things up. Not everybody who is neat or likes things a certain way has ocd. OCD is a debilitating anxiety disorder that creates distressing, intrusive thoughts called obsessions, followed by compulsive behaviors that that person does to try to alleviate their discomfort. Some examples include constantly checking things to make sure they're right, like the doors or locks, excessive cleaning or hand washing for fear of being contaminated, or repeatedly seeking reassurance about the rightness of their relationship, feelings, moral issues, or even safety. OCD isn't about logic. We can't logic our way out of it, otherwise we would all do that pretty easy. It's about fear, and it's about a brain that is trained to worry and be anxious, usually because of genetic issues and life experiences. That's why telling somebody just to stop thinking about it or not worry about it doesn't work, because the brain is a very powerful organ and it is in a really habitual state of obsession and anxiety and responses that aren't very effective. But don't worry, this can be changed, and I'm going to teach you how you can help them through this process. Let's talk about what doesn't help. So even though you have really good intentions, some of your reactions can actually make OCD worse. Here are some of the things that you want to avoid. First, don't enable their compulsions. The compulsions are what is feeding ocd, feeding the anxiety and training their brain to be more anxious. So if your loved one asks you to check something for them, they do something for them repeatedly to make something better, or asking for reassurance over and over again. Resist the urge to do so. I know you want that person to feel better, but this is actually feeding their OCD and it reinforces the OCD cycle in the long run. That person then needs more and more of that to feel better. Next, don't downplay their struggle. OCD is a really difficult mental health disorder, and although it can be overcome, the person struggling just hasn't learned yet what to do or hasn't had the support to actually use the tools that they do have. Telling them it's not a big deal or it should be easier, it's just going to make them feel worse and unsupported, which is not what we want. And third, don't force them into exposure. Exposure is really beneficial, but it has to be done strategically and so that person needs to be ready for certain exposures. Even though it's uncomfortable, there may be some that they're not ready for, and forcing them into doing it isn't going to be very beneficial. Now that we know what not to do, let's talk about what you can do to be a supportive ally. First, you're going to educate yourself on ocd. What is it? Why do people get it? What is that person going through? If you download the My OCD Coach app, there is a free course called Mastering OCD that will teach you all about what it is and the right treatments. Validate their feelings Even if you wouldn't feel the same way or you don't understand, everybody's feelings are always valid even if we don't understand them or agree. So instead of saying this is irrational or this is nothing to worry about, let them know that I do see that you're struggling and I'm here to support you. Encourage, but don't force treatment. If they're open to it, suggest they join one of our path programs, coaching or ERP therapy. This is going to be their first step towards recovery and it's going to be scary for them to but encouraging them and letting them know that they can do it will help them feel supported as they take that next step. You also want to set healthy boundaries. You can be compassionate while also not participating in their compulsions and rituals. So instead of trying to make them feel better all the time or give them reassurance about their fear, say, I know this is tough, but I know that you can also tolerate this discomfort. Next, celebrate the small wins. The recovery journey has ups and downs, but through those ups and downs they're going to continue to learn more and get better at using those recovery tools. Just like any big change in life or learning something new, it's not a linear process, but helping them to see that they are making progress even when they feel like they don't. Helping them to celebrate the times that the thoughts have reduced, that they are sitting through the discomfort, that's really going to help push them through the difficult times as they continue to improve and recover. So let's recap. Remember that OCD is a disorder. It's not a choice or something that they can help that they have. You're going to avoid engaging in those compulsions or offering excessive reassurance. You're also going to validate their feelings while also supporting them to get treatment long term support. And lastly, you're going to set healthy boundaries and celebrate their progress, big and small. If you found this video helpful, make sure you like, subscribe and even share this video with as many people as possible so we can all help to support people with ocd. Let's create a world where people with OCD and other mental health disorders feel understood, encouraged, supported, and empowered to recover. Thanks for watching and we'll see you in the next video.
